Ayla and Potato3s: A Nightly Message From Your Best Friend

Content warning: This episode includes mention of suicidal thoughts and a situation where someone was planning to end their life. Please take care of yourself while listeningReminder: I am out of town until March 22nd In this episode, I reflect on “acts of kindness,” the ones I offer and the ones I receive. I talk about buying my friend a jacket she casually mentioned, finding out it literally gave her enough hope to keep going, and realizing how small, simple gifts can restore someone’s faith in God, in people, and in tomorrow.

In this episode, I actually let myself have a true “day of rest” for spring break aka no school, no big projects, just finishing a fantasy novel, picking up my new Aurora body wash, and taking a nap that confused my sense of time. I also share some tension with my dad about my upcoming silent retreat, what it means to choose this time away anyway, and the small, practical ways I’m getting ready for it.

In this episode, I celebrate a little “spring break” energy: I finally finished and embedded my quiz on the website, turned in my big school assessment at 23:23, and officially entered a week with no classes on my plate. I talk about family dinner, a new baby niece on the way, soft plans for reading and resting, and what it feels like to have a day without a thousand things tugging at me.

In this episode, I share a day that didn’t go how I expected, no mentor meeting, no quiz finished, but still somehow moved things forward with new writing and quiet progress on my books. I also talk about being able to give back financially to friends the way others once showed up for me, and how those moments remind me I’m loved, provided for, and allowed to trust that things work out in their own timing

TW: This episode contains mention of disordered eating patterns and body image struggles. If this is something you’re navigating personally, please be gentle with yourself today.In this episode, I give a late-night life update: accidentally nocturnal sleep, long chats about how broken school systems feel, and the surprising urge to start writing a new book about my upcoming “13 months of yes.” I also talk about prepping for my retreat, juggling journals, money worries, and how old food and body patterns still show up even as I keep taking small, brave steps forward.

TW: brief mention of past suicidal ideationIn this episode, I unpack a really heavy therapy day, realizing I’ve basically gone “low contact” with my mom while still living in the same house, and how that constant emotional monitoring wears on me. I talk about wanting my own space, wondering what my “best characteristic” actually is, and the tiny thread of hope that keeps me here: the thought that tomorrow might finally bring good news.

In this episode, I talk about literal growing pains: sore arms from the gym, stretching my comfort zone with a accidentally-launched Patreon, and an unexpectedly tender car conversation where my dad finally discovers my journals and books. I also unpack how it feels to crave pride and support in a family that doesn’t really “talk,” and why sharing my work with you feels safer than sharing it at home.

In this sleepy little episode, I talk about a discount Tuesday movie date with myself, a new “unicorn” crystal bracelet I picked up, and the quiet joy of having small things to look forward to again. I also share how I’m building a playful quiz/AI guide for my journals and podcast, and how, little by little, I’m starting to have more faith in myself, not just in everyone else.

In this episode, I share the spark of a new experiment I’m calling “13 months of yes,” inspired by Shonda Rhimes’ Year of Yes and my own habit of saying no to myself. I talk about DM’ing a Ford models manager on a whim, painting in a new style, planning future concerts and travel, and why learning to say yes, to naps, opportunities, and my own soul, feels like inviting God and the universe to say yes back to me

In this episode, I wander through a day that didn’t quite go as planned and ask what it means to move through life more methodically. I talk about wanting methodical motivation for my fitness, my routines, and even my emotions, and why these nightly voice notes feel like a sacred ritual I never want to give up

In this episode, I talk through the two extremes of my day: the joy of helping a stranger with her groceries and the quiet loneliness of realizing I no longer know how to treat myself or go out just for fun. I share the little chain of events that had to line up for that grocery-store “miracle,” how a year on a strict budget has reshaped my habits, and why it feels both good and a bit sad to notice how much I’ve changed

I spent most of the day delaying, finally sat down and sent 17 press emails with subject line greetings like “Dear person who gets to decide what Oprah loves next” because I don’t believe in “to whom it may concern” and I never have. Episode 594 is about the mountain I made out of the molehill of sending emails, the fear of being chosen rather than failing, and why flirting is just friendly with intention.

I went to the dentist, voted, got a spicy kolache when I always get regular and learned immediately that I do not need the spice, manifested my coloring book getting into Oprah’s Favorite Things on TikTok as a skit and every single person in the comments congratulated me like it already happened and maybe that’s not confusion, maybe that’s just people believing in me. Eric Dane passed away and it reminded me of a Chicken Soup for the Soul story I’ve carried for 30 years about a woman who made it through losing her husband because the last thing she ever said to him was I love you, which is probably why I tell you every single night without exception. Episode 593 is an amalgamation of all of it: the spicy kolache regret, the Oprah manifestation, the I love you I mean every time.

I went to the gym, set up my dad’s printer, wrote a Substack article I almost accidentally titled the same thing as my last one, rewrote protection affirmations because my brain caught the logical flaw in saying “I do not” to something I don’t want to invite back in, and decided I’m rewarding myself for going to the dentist tomorrow with a kolache and a chocolate glazed donut because that’s just good self-parenting. Not every day has to be life changing, sometimes it’s laundry folded and put away, thyroid medicine moved to the front, and a skin cream that smells like it’s working. Episode 592 is a hodgepodge and it knows it and it’s completely okay with that

I saved over $1,000 today without spending a thing, found my razors at Dollar Tree after months of looking and bought three packs instead of one, test drove a Volkswagen Atlas that played “When You Say You Love Me” when I asked it what song it wanted me to know, and realized somewhere between the dealership and the dollar store that I’m more than meets the eye aka my own little transformer, and people just don’t know it yet. The small things are the big things: buying three packs of razors instead of one is proof that my life is already better this year than last. Episode 591 is about the signs hiding in plain sight and the quiet evidence that everything is already shifting.

I painted two paintings, fangirled over green grapes at Aldi, accidentally recorded videos with no sound, and somehow ended up crying over a Reddit astrology reading that described my life so accurately it felt like being seen for the first time in a long time. The star card comes after the tower, and maybe all of 2025 was my tower, not one dramatic collapse but a few bricks at a time until one day you look around and realize everything fell while you were still standing in it. This is episode 590, and I have more to be grateful for than I’ve ever had before, and I’m not going to pretend that isn’t everything.

I slept until 7pm on February 22nd and instead of apologizing for it, I’m calling it exactly what it was , a radical act of self-worth from someone who was taught her whole life that rest has to be earned. A message from a friend I didn’t expect, dumplings and mandarins, and a dream about deleting my whole book reminded me that 222 doesn’t have to look like a meditation, sometimes it looks like finally believing you deserve to stop. I produced today, just in a different timezone than usual.

I gave myself a weekend off, ended up sleeping until almost 2 pm, and somehow turned a Costco run with my sister into an unexpected solo adventure window shopping through the Galleria: Nordstrom, Valentino, Gucci, Lafayette 148, you name it. No budget, no plan, just me in a sparkly black shirt with a hole in the back of my pants, trying on orange puffer jackets and $26K crocodile Gucci bags like it’s totally normal. Sometimes the best days are the ones you never saw coming.

Today was a dive into the deep end of the "multitudes," starting with a literal "Eagle-Eye" session on KDP that taught me the hard way about Amazon’s bundle rules. I’m navigating a strange, reflective headspace after watching documentaries on death and a fascinating Korean show about shamans and destiny, which led to some surprisingly dark humor about my "discount cremation" plan and the reality of my final words. From receiving my first "maybe" from a major coloring magazine to a raw, hour-long confrontation with my sister about whether she "secretly hates me," it’s been a day of high stakes and high weirdness.

In this episode, I’m navigating a day that started with an "out of sorts" 11 AM wake-up and spiraled into a family whirlwind. I’m getting real about the emotional exhaustion of feeling in "limbo," the sting of not being heard during vulnerable moments, and the petty-but-satisfying decision to reclaim my digital boundaries after a blowup with my sister (goodbye, ad-free YouTube!). From "Goddess of GPS" frustrations to a two-restaurant dinner debacle that ended in surprisingly good shrimp fra diavolo, I’m peeling back the layers on family dynamics and why sometimes, just "starting somewhere" means surviving the day.