"Modern Relationships"

This week, Erik talks to dating coach and former Stripe engineer Joyce Zhang and reveals her strategic dating frameworks and explains why people's standards are too low (not high). She introduces her controversial "hardball" filtering technique, and argues that dating apps work excellently with proper strategy—but self-love remains the biggest bottleneck. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Joyce Zhang Substack: https://thejoycezhang.substack.com/ -- FOLLOW ON X: Joyce - @thejoycezhang Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

This week, Erik sits down with Joe Hudson and Tara Howley, the extraordinary couple behind Art of Accomplishment, whose coaching has helped CEOs like Sam Altman. They share their journey from a toxic relationship to a deeply connected partnership, offering personal stories, practical strategies, and insights on how self-growth, therapy, and commitment to transformation can foster resilient, loving relationships. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINK/S: Art of Accomplishment: https://www.artofaccomplishment.com/ Joe and Esme — The Teenage Years: https://youtu.be/Eg70lbiElrI?si=bK-8FB-bzYh6HqL1 How to Be a Parent (Without Messing Everything Up) | Joe Hudson and Nathan Baschez: https://www.artofaccomplishment.com/podcast/how-to-be-a-parent-without-messing-everything-up-joe-hudson-and-nathan-baschez -- FOLLOW ON X: Joe - @FU_joehudson Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

In this episode, Erik sits down with Harley Finkelstein and Lindsay Taub, partners of 15 years. Harley, Shopify's president, and Lindsay, a psychotherapist and entrepreneur, discuss their speed dating origin story, balancing radical acceptance with growth, and redefining work-life balance while raising two daughters together when your job is all-consuming. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- Shopify: https://www.shopify.com/ph -- FOLLOW ON X: Harley - @harleyf Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

Today on Modern Relationships Erik Torenberg is joined by Jared Fliesler, a former executive at Google, Square, and Scribd turned founder coach, discusses how to identify core values in partners, distinguish between compromise and "horse trading," and determine when someone is "good enough." He shares insights on building meaningful connections, his co-living experiments, and navigating long-distance relationships. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS | BOOKS RECOMMENDED: The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmer, Diana Champan, etc: https://conscious.is/15-commitments Book: https://www.amazon.com/15-Commitments-Conscious-Leadership-Sustainable-ebook/dp/B00R3MHWUE Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine: https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Intelligence-Individuals-Achieve-Potential/dp/1608322785 -- FOLLOW ON X: Jared -@JaredSF Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

Today on Modern Relationships Erik Torenberg talks to Ann Pierce, a former startup founder who became obsessed with the mission of solving interpersonal conflict. Ann unpacks why conflict isn't inherently negative but actually builds trust when handled correctly. She covers why invalidation is the most common threat most of us encounter, how we misunderstand each other through projection, and how to break the cycles of conflict. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Ann Pierce Website: https://www.annpierce.com/ Ann Pierce - Understanding Interpersonal Conflict: https://substack.com/home/post/p-153042013?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web Love Symposium: https://symposium.love/ -- FOLLOW ON X: Ann - @itsannpierce Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

Dating coach and matchmaking expert Blaine Anderson discusses the psychology behind successful dating for men in today's complex landscape. The conversation explores why instant "sparks" are often misleading indicators of relationship potential, with Anderson revealing how chemistry can develop over time rather than appearing at first sight. She explains why many men find themselves trapped in the friendzone and offers counterintuitive strategies for escaping it—including the critical step of genuinely moving on. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Dating by Blaine: https://clients.datingbyblaine.com/hi -- FOLLOW ON X: Blaine - @datingbyblaine Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

Best-selling author, Air Force veteran, and psychologist Rob K. Henderson joins Erik Torenberg to explore the complex dynamics and evolutionary psychology in modern dating. The conversation examines how evolutionary psychology explains attraction patterns, particularly women's occasional interest in men with dark triad personality traits. Henderson unpacks the phenomenon through the lens of the Luigi Mangione case, discussing how violence and aggression can paradoxically enhance male appeal due to evolutionary adaptations. They explore dark triad attraction, pickup artist culture, partner selection research, and practical advice for men navigating relationships in the age of dating apps and challenging social dynamics. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Rob’s Newsletter: https://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/Rob-Henderson/177690581 Rob’s Best-selling book Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Troubled/Rob-Henderson/9781982168544 -- FOLLOW ON X: Rob - @robkhenderson Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

Carl Narcisse, a partner on the talent team at Andreessen Horowitz, and Whitnie Narcisse, formerly an operating partner at First Round Capital who just launched a matchmaking company, talk to Erik Torenberg about their relationship. The couple discuss their decade-long marriage that began at a baseball game, balancing tech careers with raising three children, and applying "people ops" principles to their partnership—like maintaining a #relationshipgoals spreadsheet to track their goals. They share insights on navigating cultural differences, dating 360s, and why relationships require both spiritual alignment and a growth mindset. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Whitnie’s website: Whitnie.com a16z.com: https://a16z.com/ -- FOLLOW ON X: Carl - @cnarcisse Whitnie - @WhitnieLow Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Intro (01:34) How Whitnie and Carl Met (03:49) Their Dating Journeys Before Meeting (07:22) Recognizing the Right Partner (09:57) Early Relationship Challenges (14:00) Cultural Differences (15:50) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (17:25) Handling Temperament Differences (19:00) Balancing Energy Levels (21:28) Wanting a Partner Who Leads (23:40) Whitnie’s Evolution from Avoidant to Secure (27:09) Applying People Ops to Marriage (31:47) Building a Support System (33:52) Relationship Goals and Communication (38:26) Whitnie’s Dating Concierge Business (44:23) The Value of 360 Reviews in Dating (47:04) Finding the Right Partner vs. The "Perfect" Match (53:34) Dating Process Advice (56:04) Marriage and Commitment (1:00:18) Navigating Challenges in Marriage (1:02:09) Parallels Between Recruiting and Matchmaking (1:04:30) Wrap

OpenAI Chief Product Officer Kevin Weil and Scribble Ventures' Founder & Partner Elizabeth Weil share how they've navigated demanding tech careers over 20 years while raising three children—from their whirlwind marathon meetup to building parallel paths in Silicon Valley. They discuss how they've navigated their career decisions while raising three children, why they believe in letting kids develop natural resilience, and their theory that "life's too short not to be with someone who brings out all the good things." Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Scribble Ventures: https://www.scribble.vc/ OpenAI: https://openai.com/ -- FOLLOW ON X: Kevin - @kevinweil Elizabeth - @elizabeth Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Preview and Intro (02:04) Meeting Story: Marathon Connection (05:33) Moving Fast: From Dating to Engagement (08:02) Partner Expectations: Finding Each Other (10:38) Life's Too Short: Relationship Philosophy (11:38) Relationship Chapters: Pre and Post Kids (13:00) Career and Motherhood Balance (16:31) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (18:05) Elizabeth's Work Philosophy (21:00) Kevin's Career Journey (23:15) Growing Up Together in Tech (26:21) Division of Labor & Parenting (30:37) Delegation and Help at Home (34:53) Parenting Philosophy: Raising Grounded Kids (37:25) Safety vs. Independence (40:05) Approach to Academic Achievement (42:38) Education in an AI World (46:09) Core Values for Children (48:47) Maintaining Marriage After Kids (50:55) Couples They Admire (53:05) Balancing Everything: Lowering the Bar (54:45) Final Thoughts: In It Together (56:14) Wrap

Curious Humans podcast host Jonny Miller and creative coach Kelly Wilde Miller sit down with Erik Torenberg and share their framework for "shortening the half-life of reactivity" of conflicts, their sacred Sunday check-in practice, and why they view marriage as "an arena for surfacing our own stuff." Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE: Curious Humans with Jonny Miller: https://curioushumans.com/ Nervous System Mastery: nsmastery.com Kelly Wilde Miller: https://kellywildemiller.com/ Creative Dysregulation: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0CVBM1JTV?ref_=mr_referred_us_au_au FOLLOW ON X: Jonny - @jonnym1ller Kelly - @kellycwilde Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (01:07) Intro (01:50) Finding Your Partner (04:24) Transitioning from Friendship to Relationship (07:06) Engagement Story (14:13) Working Through Relationship Challenges (18:36) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (20:11) Marriage as an Arena for Growth (26:22) Conflict Resolution Techniques (30:49) Communication Frameworks (45:18) Nervous System Regulation (52:44) Sunday Partnership Check-ins (1:00:15) Children and Community (1:07:30) Thoughts on Polyamory (1:10:05) Final Reflections (1:14:00) Closing

Philosophers Agnes Callard and Arnold Brooks bring their intellectual rigor to marriage and relationships. They sit down with Erik Torenberg to discuss their relationship's beginnings (when Agnes was Arnold's professor), their Platonic versus Aristotelian disagreements about whether marriage is something to transcend or achieve, and why relationships must "escape their beginnings" to thrive. Agnes explains why "marriage is a preparation for divorce," while Arnold argues the healthiest foundation for partnership isn't reciprocal support but simply appreciating how your partner lives—what he calls "bearing witness.". Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE: * New Yorker article on Agnes and Arnold, by Rachel Aviv: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/03/13/agnes-callard-profile-marriage-philosophy * Arnold Brooks: http://philosophy.uchicago.edu/arnold-brooks * Pre-order Agnes Callard's new book Open Socrates: https://wwnorton.com/books/open-socrates * Agnes Callard on Upstream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JotaCsaG3Y FOLLOW ON X: Agnes - @agnescallard Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (01:49) Intro (02:08) Agnes' and Arnold's relationship background (08:13) Marriage and philosophy connection (16:38) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (18:13) Discussion about divorce (26:37) Relationships haunted by their beginnings (30:18) Maintaining friendship with an ex-partner (34:00) Advice on choosing a partner (43:34) Conflict about ambition and contentment (49:35) Arnold's advice to overthink marriage together (59:42) Parenting philosophy and making children interesting (1:04:12) Reflections (1:08:17) Wrap

Sasha Chapin and Cate Hall have been together for three years. Sasha is a writer and co-founder of a perfume company, while Cate is a former pro poker player and CEO of a foundation. They talk about radical honesty in relationships, why the Enneagram can help bridge extreme personalities, and commitment over connection. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero  It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- FOLLOW ON X: Sasha - @sashachapin Cate - @catehall Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Preview and Intro (02:26) How They Met (05:15) Initial Incompatibility vs Sense of Inevitability (11:41) Complementary Extremes (14:37) The Reverse Honeymoon Period (15:05) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (17:57) Reversed Gender Roles (24:51) Radical Honesty (29:02) Levels of Woo (29:38) Spiritual Alignment (31:41) The Enneagram as Relationship Tool (45:02) Relationship Advice: Marriage Timing and Commitment (51:47) Puzzle Difficulty vs Slush Difficulty (57:58) Commitment Before Connection (1:00:12) Reverse Catfishing (1:02:00) Wrap

Adam Gries and Rie Yano are both startup founders now building in the longevity space (Vitalism). They discuss their approach to partnership, from their serendipitous first meeting (started as a misunderstanding) to building a 50/50 marriage while running companies and raising children. They examine why great relationships shouldn't require constant work, how they maintain true equal responsibilities, and why finding the right partner parallels finding an exceptional co-founder. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero  It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- FOLLOW ON X: Rie - @rieglobe Adam - @adamgries Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Intro and Preview (01:50) "The One": Their Unique Meeting Story (08:25) "Co-locating": Their Innovative Long-Distance Approach (19:39) "Work is for Fools": Their Anti-Work Philosophy (23:05) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (24:40) The One Hard Thing - What Relationships Are Able to Handle (30:21) Highest Tension Moments: Working Together & Lemonade Incident (37:23) The True 50-50 Partnership (40:56) Systems for Success (45:05) Practical Hacks: Google Calendars & "Airing of Grievances" (47:19) Life board of directors meetings (52:16) On Men Doing More (57:13) Full Stack Parents (59:10) Monogamy: Intentional Choice or Default? (1:00:38) Chasing Longevity: Supporting a Partner with Unconventional Goals (1:03:26) Money & Career Dynamics (1:08:32) Modern Parenting Approach (1:11:18) If You Knew Then? Tolerating Pain & Cutting Losses (1:14:20) The Illusion of Difficulty: How to Find a Great Match (1:17:49) Finding Your "Three Sigma" Match (1:21:21) Closing Thoughts & Final Advice

Tara Viswanathan (founder who recently sold her startup) and Alex Modon (startup founder) share their journey from a 15-minute Bumble date to marriage. They discuss Tara's systematic approach to dating (including analyzing 60 first dates), building a relationship while running startups, and their thoughts on balancing ambitious careers with starting a family. A rare glimpse into two founders making partnership work. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero  It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- FOLLOW ON X: Tara - @TaraViswanathan Alex - @alexmodon Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE: Books The Defining Decade by Meg Jay: https://www.amazon.com/Defining-Decade-Your-Twenties-Matter/dp/0446561754 Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805 -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Intro and Preview (01:41) Tara's Unconventional Quest for "The One" (05:19) Alex's Journey to Finding Love Unintentionally (07:53) Tara's "Crazy" Playbook: Love Hacks and Radical Self-Improvement (12:59) Lessons Learned from Countless "I Dos" (and "I Don'ts") (14:14) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (15:49) A Dynamic Approach to Partnership (18:24) Considering Age Rate and Stage of Life (19:35) Reclaiming Authentic Power in Love and Life (23:36) Decoding Each Other's Communication Styles (28:41) Integrating Family and Work Adventures (32:50) A Shared Vision for Family and Career (36:26) Future Family Plans: Adoption (50:39) Hot Takes on Dating (51:26) The Core of the Decision: Ask "What Feels Right" (55:05) Protecting Your Relationship (59:19) The Dream: An Integrated Life (1:03:14) Wrap

Aike Ho (Partner, ACME Capital) and Camilla Hermann (entrepreneur) discuss "relationship yoga" - viewing intimate relationships as paths to growth through how we trigger each other. They explore how relationship patterns reveal unresolved aspects of ourselves and why finding a partner who's willing to evolve together matters more than matching a checklist of ideal traits. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero  It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- FOLLOW ON X: Aike - @aikeho Camilla - @CamillaFHermann Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- LINKS Enneagram personalities https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions/ Dr. Becky "Good Inside" https://www.amazon.com/Good-Inside-Guide-Becoming-Parent/dp/0063159481 Hoffman Process https://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/ Evolution of The Internal Family Systems Model By Dr. Richard Schwartz, Ph. D.: https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/evolution-internal-family-systems-model-dr-richard-schwartz-ph-d Concept of Basic Trust from Book 'Facets of Unity' by AH Almaas: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/2533/facets-of-unity-by-a-h-almaas/ TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Intro and Preview (01:33) What is Relationship Yoga? (02:22) Relationship as a Canvas for Wholeness (04:54) Triggers and the Opportunity for Healing (08:40) Observing and Processing Triggers (09:38) The Role of Past Experiences (10:51) Holding Space & Interlocking Patterns (11:32) Using the Enneagram (12:56) Example of Reactivity and Softness (14:00) Reparenting & the Little Ones (15:39) Interlocking Triggers & Internal Family Systems (IFS) (16:39) Working with Internal Parts (20:07) Free Will & Running Patterns (21:00) Growth, Ego Death & Commitment in Relationships (23:11) Seeing With Fresh Eyes (23:16) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (24:59) The Art of Loving & Unconditional Acceptance (28:30) Reflections on Being Single (34:50) Challenges & Bouncing Back (39:44) Patterns Want to be Liberated (42:34) Causes of Struggle in Relationships (55:57) Tension of Triggers and Attraction (1:00:04) Advice For Making It Fantastic (1:02:04) Connection: Spark, Attraction, Intimacy (1:05:23) Wrap

Liv Boeree (former poker champion, host of the Win-Win podcast) and Igor Kurganov (poker pro, co-founder of Raising for Effective Giving) have been together for 10 years. They're masters of creative conflict, inventors of the "hiss method," and champions of rational decision-making in relationships. In this candid episode, they share their unconventional wisdom and strategies for building lasting partnerships. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero  It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- Follow on X: Liv - @Liv_Boeree Igor - @IgorKurganov Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- Links: The Win-Win Podcast: https://winwinpodcast.com/ The Passion Trap: https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Trap-Right-Unbalanced-Relationship/dp/1587361086 Erik's substack: https://eriktorenberg.substack.com/ -- Timestamps: (00:00) Intro and Preview (02:21) How Liv and Igor Met (06:04) Advice on Finding a Partner (09:13) Friend Zone and Attraction (13:02) Evolving Preferences (15:03) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (18:57) "Dumbbell Theory" (25:43) The "Hiss" Signal (27:53) Communication and Directness (29:43) Relationship Rituals (31:11) Variety and Self-Actualization (33:16) The Passion Trap (36:16) Thoughts on Children (45:07) Longevity and Evolution (47:57) Early Relationship Patterns (50:17) Tone Policing (51:47) Empowering Each Other (53:34) Love Enables Choice (57:16) Igor's Greatest Gift (1:04:03) Identifying the Wrong Match (1:06:14) The Future of Their Relationship (1:07:54) Wrap

In this week's episode, Phil Levin and Kristen Berman share the ultimate friend zone to romance success story. What started with running quirky social experiments together (like turning a bar into a controlled study on meeting people) blossomed into a relationship that defies convention. Now this behavioral scientist and founder (Live Near Friends) runs a "friend compound" in Oakland, applies data to life's biggest decisions, and proves that sometimes the best relationships start knowing it "would be too good." Kristen and Phil share how they've built an unconventional but deeply fulfilling life together. Instead of trying to change each other, they focus on designing their environment for success. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- 🙏 Help shape our show by taking our quick listener survey at https://bit.ly/TurpentinePulse -- Follow on X: Kristen - @bermster Phil - @levin_phil Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- Links: Kristen: https://irrationallabs.com/ Phil: https://livenearfriends.com/ Erik's substack: https://eriktorenberg.substack.com/ -- Timestamps: (00:00) Intro (01:34) Relationship Differences & Learnings (01:53) Partner Selection: Starting as Friends (03:52) Navigating Attraction and Friendships (05:30) Initial Connection and the "Mental Band" (06:26) Key Lessons on Partner Selection (09:16) Core Personality Traits and Acceptance (10:04) Shared Values and Co-Living Vision (14:16) Co-Living and Community Life (18:28) Tradeoffs of Community Living (19:13) Converting Friends & Attraction (20:54) Chemistry and Early Relationship Stages (21:44) Fighting and Disagreements (24:28) Managing Conflict (25:11) The Importance of a Good Partner (26:53) Decisions Around Having Children (30:07) Stress and Decision-Making Structures (31:55) Careers as a Couple & Childcare (38:39) Unique Fights & Rituals for Forgiveness (40:46) Lessons from Dan Ariely (42:45) Behavior Change and Life Design (49:25) "Thieves" Friendship Hack (50:23) Vision for the Future (56:12) Career Priorities (57:53) Taboo Topics and Memorable Conversations (1:00:00) Baby Number Two (1:00:39) Wrap

We rarely get to hear how high-powered tech couples actually make relationships work. In this remarkably candid conversation, Delian Asparouhov (Founders Fund partner and Co-Founder of Varda Space Industries) and author Nadia Asparouhov pull back the curtain on their unique approach to love and commitment. From their memorable first date featuring frantically-eaten burrata to building a space company while starting a family, they share how they've figured out what really matters - and why sometimes the best relationship advice is to talk less, not more. Together with Erik Torenberg, they dig into everything from their unconventional take on conflict resolution to what it's actually like balancing a growing family with ambitious work in tech. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- 🙏 Help shape our show by taking our quick listener survey at https://bit.ly/TurpentinePulse -- Follow on X: Nadia - @nayafia Delian - @zebulgar Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine Podcasts - @turpentinemedia -- Links: Nadia's writing: https://nadia.xyz/ Delian's site: https://delian.io/ Erik's substack: https://eriktorenberg.substack.com/ -- Timestamps: (00:00) Preview and Intro (00:46) Origin of Modern Relationships (01:48) "Make marriages great again" (02:59) Fighting about the Eight Sleep mattress (06:27) Handling unvoiced feelings (10:05) Prison metaphor (10:47) Early stages of the relationship (14:03) First date and first impressions (15:58) The burrata incident (20:54) Ranking relationship priorities (22:59) Finding the sweet spot in a relationship (27:10) Communication and commitment (32:46) Parenthood drudgery (37:09) Debating young parenthood (42:37) Having children (49:32) Building 'an aristocracy' (54:20) Balancing identity and motherhood (56:05) Growing together through changes (58:11) Tough guy cries at space movies (58:41) Wrap

Introducing "Modern Relationships" a podcast about how people in tech actually make relationships work. Preview from episode 1 with Delian Asparouhov (Founders Fund, Varda Space Technology) and Nadia Asparouhova (author), interviewed by Erik Torenberg