Claim OwnershipI Wish You Could Hear This
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Relationship tripwires. Mental health puzzles. Confusing work dynamics. You’re not the only one scratching your head. But now you have a secret decoder ring! Each episode of I Wish You Could Hear This is packed with proven, simple, and surprising secrets that help you thrive in life, faith, and relationships. Researchers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have spent decades interviewing and surveying more than 40,000 people to identify the little things that make a big difference in our lives. They’re Harvard-educated, Christian authors and speakers who also happen to be happily married, analytically minded, and a whole lot of fun! Join them and their guests for real stories, real help, and real hope.
21 Episodes
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In this conversation, Shaunti and Jim discuss the pressing mental health crisis and the role of the church in addressing it. They explore the importance of traditional counseling and the need for a new system of care that includes community support. The discussion emphasizes the importance of building capacity within churches to provide emotional support and the legal considerations involved. They also address the fears and misconceptions that may prevent churches from engaging in this vital work, ultimately calling for a collaborative approach to mental health care that integrates faith and community. They explore how churches can train lay counselors to provide emotional support and care, creating a network that addresses the mental health needs of their communities. The discussion highlights practical steps for church involvement and the universal need for care and support, encouraging listeners to engage in their communities and foster relationships that can lead to healing and growth. Resources and Links Mentioned: www.thechurchcares.com Sign up to get The Church Cares Kit When Hurting People Come To Church Purchase on Amazon
In this heartfelt and eye-opening episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with singer-songwriter Dave Barnes to unpack the emotional world of men and the dynamics that shape relationships. Together, they explore the often-overlooked depth of men’s feelings, how love is expressed differently than women might expect, and the surprising role of music and creativity in emotional connection. They also dive into some of the biggest misconceptions women have about men’s romantic intentions, and why understanding love languages—and misreading them—can lead to unnecessary hurt. Drawing on personal stories, research insights, and years of marriage experience, the conversation turns toward the deeper challenges couples face: loneliness, unmet expectations, and the myth that one person can meet all emotional needs. Throughout, the trio emphasizes the power of believing the best in your partner, the healing gift of forgiveness, and the essential role of community, prayer, and positive communication in building strong, resilient relationships. Whether you're married, dating, or simply curious about how men really think and love, this episode offers a rich, encouraging guide to connection and empathy. Resources/Links Mentioned: https://www.davebarnes.com/ https://dadville.substack.com
Episode 18: Happy Couples Hang Out Description: Join Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn as they delve into the habits of the happiest couples. Discover the deceptively simple secret that we learned in the research for The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages about the power of simply spending time together and how that plays a role in maintaining a strong relationship. Learn from real-life examples and research-backed insights to transform your marriage. Resources & Links Mentioned: The Surprising Secrets of High Happy Marriages For Women Only For Men Only Today’s podcast features the type of game-changing, research-based findings that will strengthen the marriages in your church. If you are interested in bringing Shaunti and Jeff to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.
In this candid and insightful episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn welcome author and intimacy expert J. Parker from Hot, Holy & Humorous. Research shows that in roughly 75% of marriages, the husband has a higher sex drive or initiates more often. But what about the other 25%—when the wife is the one with more desire, or when the couple’s patterns don’t match the stereotype at all? J. Parker, whose ministry focuses heavily on this topic, shares practical, grace-filled wisdom for couples navigating mismatched desire—especially when the higher-desire spouse is the wife. This frank, faith-based conversation tackles myths, encourages empathy, and offers hope for every couple to thrive in intimacy, no matter where they fall on the spectrum of desire. Note: This conversation is PG-13 and may not be suitable for younger listeners. HER BOOK: https://a.co/d/2amCwyS
In this engaging conversation, Dr. Michael Sytsma, a seasoned therapist specializing in marriage and intimacy, shares his extensive experience and insights into the complexities of sexual relationships. The discussion covers common questions couples have about their sexual health, the importance of understanding desire discrepancies, and the normalization of various sexual experiences. Dr. Sytsma emphasizes the significance of communication and understanding in fostering healthy relationships, while also addressing the myths surrounding sexual intimacy. Note: This conversation is PG-13 and may not be suitable for younger listeners. https://intimatemarriage.org/ https://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Sex-Marriage-Surprises-Difference/dp/0764239554/?tag=shaunticom-20
In this conversation, Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn explore the fundamental differences in how men and women process thoughts and decisions. They discuss the implications of these differences on relationships, emphasizing the importance of understanding and communication. The episode highlights the brain wiring differences, the significance of verbal versus internal processing, and practical strategies for couples to navigate these challenges effectively. Through real-life examples and insights from neuroscience, the Feldhahns provide valuable advice for fostering stronger connections between partners. Discover all the Feldhahn's books: https://amzn.to/3khpzgC
In this conversation, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn interview Michelle Lentz, an Instagram influencer and author, who shares her journey through marriage, parenting, and overcoming significant life challenges, including a devastating earthquake. Michelle discusses the importance of community support, the power of prayer, and treating your spouse like a friend to build a strong marriage. Her insights are particularly valuable for young couples navigating the early stages of marriage. Visit Michelle's website Order Hey Beginner Wife on Amazon
Bonus Episode 13: Looking Back, Moving Forward Description: In this heartfelt Season 1 finale bonus episode, Shaunti and Jeff take listeners on a reflective journey through the most powerful insights shared over the season. This bonus installment isn’t just a recap—it’s a spiritual reset button that captures the highs, lessons, and most touching moments that moved both guests and listeners alike.
Episode 12 Release Date: June 17, 2025 Duration: Episode 11: 44 minutes Summary: Shaunti, Jeff, and Jenilee Samuel (host of the Java with Jen podcast) explore the complexities of being a woman leader in ministry, the challenges of marriage, and the importance of understanding the male psyche. Jenilee shares her journey from being a missionary kid to a co-pastor and her experiences with raising boys. The discussion emphasizes the need for empathy, learning, and the balance between strength and sensitivity in both personal and professional realms. Jenilee also shares her insights on parenting teenage boys, the importance of emotional intelligence, and the challenges of maintaining a healthy marriage. Link Mentioned: Java with Jen Podcast Jenilee Samuel Website Hearing God’s Voice for Everyday Life Journal For Women Only Support the Show: Our podcast thrives on the support of our incredible listeners. So subscribe to our podcast, share your favorite episodes, leave us a review, or send us an email to start a conversation about sponsoring an episode or an entire season. Connect with Us: We love hearing your thoughts, stories, and voices. Connect with us on social media or email us at webcontact@shaunti.com. Your story could be on the next I Wish You Could Hear This episode.
Summary: In this engaging conversation, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn are joined by Arlene Pellicane, author of Making Marriage Easier. Arelene shares insights on how to prioritize marriage, avoid the roommate syndrome, and implement small, practical actions to strengthen relationships. The podcast also explores the profound effects of social media on relationships, emphasizing the need for intentionality in how we engage with technology. Link Mentioned: Book: Making Marriage Easier https://arlenepellicane.com/ The Happy Home Podcast Important questions from this week’s podcast: What’s it like to be married to me? When was the last time we had fun together?
Summary: In this conversation, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, along with clinical psychologist Dr. James Sells, explore the phenomenon of young adults going “no contact” with their parents. They discuss the emotional turmoil this causes for both parents and children, the factors contributing to this phenomenon, and the importance of family therapy in addressing these issues. The conversation highlights the need for understanding, communication, and the potential for healing within family dynamics. Link Mentioned: Parent–adult child estrangement in the United States by gender, race/ethnicity, and sexuality. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12898
Episode 8 and 9 Details Summary: In this conversation, Montel and Kristin Jordan share their transformative journey from the music industry to marriage ministry. They discuss the challenges they faced in their marriage, including a crisis that led to a renewed commitment to each other and their faith. Through their experiences, they emphasize the importance of prioritizing marriage and the lessons that now guide their work in helping others strengthen their marriages. The Jordans also discuss Marriage Masterpeace, which offers retreats for couples to heal and grow together. Resources & Links Mentioned: Marriage Masterpeace 8-Week Study Bundle Marriage Masterpeace Retreat at Jordan River Montellandkristin.com Support the Show: Our podcast thrives on the support of our incredible listeners. So subscribe to our podcast, share your favorite episodes, leave us a review, or send us an email to start a conversation about sponsoring an episode or an entire season.
Summary: In this conversation, Montel and Kristin Jordan share their transformative journey from the music industry to marriage ministry. They discuss the challenges they faced in their marriage, including a crisis that led to a renewed commitment to each other and their faith. Through their experiences, they emphasize the importance of prioritizing marriage and the lessons that now guide their work in helping others strengthen their marriages. The Jordans also discuss Marriage Masterpeace, which offers retreats for couples to heal and grow together. Resources & Links Mentioned: Marriage Masterpeace 8-Week Study Bundle Marriage Masterpeace Retreat at Jordan River Montellandkristin.com Support the Show: Our podcast thrives on the support of our incredible listeners. So subscribe to our podcast, share your favorite episodes, leave us a review, or send us an email to start a conversation about sponsoring an episode or an entire season.
Episode 7: One of You Wants More Sex? Here’s What’s Going On. Release Date: April 22, 2025 Duration: 33 minutes Summary: In this podcast episode, Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn look at the disconnect that some couples experience around intimacy—especially focusing on the statistically common scenario of one spouse (typically the husband) desiring more intimacy than the other. They discuss common myths that feed this disconnect, and provide practical advice for couples. This episode will help you not feel alone! In fact, you’ll gain an understanding of each partner’s unique desire type—fostering a healthier and more fulfilling marriage. Resources & Links Mentioned: Secrets of Sex and Marriage website: secretsofsexandmarriage.com Secrets of Sex and Marriage Unlocking an Intimate Marriage If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com
Summary: This conversation explores the profound journey of Dan Defenbaugh, a former law enforcement officer who faced trauma and addiction, leading him ultimately to try to take his own life. Through his story, we learn about the struggles first responders face with mental health, the impact on their families, and the hope found in recovery and ministry. Dan's transformation from despair to purpose serves as a beacon of hope for others in similar situations. In this conversation, Dan recounts a pivotal moment where he sensed God leading him to establish a support organization for first responders struggling with mental health issues. Resources & Links Mentioned: 10-42project.org Shared Voices podcast (available on most streaming platforms) Shaunti.com
Summary: In this podcast episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn take a look at one of the main sources of conflict and heartache in marriage—looking at how to transform this source of conflict into a source of connection. The episode is rooted in decades of nationally representative research—making their insights much more than just their opinion or an unscientific poll of social media followers. After tuning in, you’ll understand the main insecurities that most men and most women face, and you’ll leave knowing how to support your spouse rather than unintentionally nicking their most raw nerve. Resources & Links Mentioned: For Women Only For Men Only Today’s podcast features the type of game-changing, research-based findings that will strengthen the marriages in your church. If you are interested in bringing Shaunti and Jeff to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.
Summary: In this heartfelt conversation, Gary Thomas shares his personal journey through trials, the legacy of love from his family, and the profound impact of marriage on spiritual growth. He reflects on the challenges of writing and the importance of perseverance in the face of rejection, all while emphasizing the beauty of relationships and the lessons learned through life's hardships. Also in this conversation, Gary and the Feldhahns recalled the power that a simple phone call can have to encourage someone in their life and ministry. Resources & Links Mentioned: https://garythomasbooks.substack.com/ https://garythomas.com/ Books On Amazon
Shaunti and Jeff explore the secrets behind the happiest marriages, focusing on the importance of believing the best of your spouse's intentions, even during conflicts. They share insights from their research, personal experiences, and practical applications to help couples navigate challenges and enhance their relationships. The conversation emphasizes the significance of communication, understanding, and the power of good intentions in fostering a loving and supportive marriage. Resources & Links Mentioned: The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages Speaking Agent: Nicole Owens nowens@shaunti.com More info about having Shaunti and Jeff speak HERE
Divorced and remarried, Scott and Sherry Jennings share their journey from a marriage marked by control, addiction, and infidelity to a transformed relationship rebuilt on faith and kindness. They discuss their early lives, the patterns they brought into their marriage, and the pivotal moments that led to their healing and reconciliation. Resources & Links Mentioned: The Rendezvous Project (https://www.therendezvousproject.com) Scott and Sherry guided the creation, production, and such for this resource. They are speaking at several events coming up. You can reach out via email Scott@zoweh.org / Sherry@zoweh.org Shaunti.com
You know us as social researchers and best selling authors. You may have also heard us speak at a marriage event. But do you know how Jeff and I met? In episode 1 you will hear that story, as well as why Jeff and I do what we do. Mentioned in this episode: Experiencing God For Women Only For Men Only More information about having Shaunti and Jeff speak
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