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Ever wondered how to navigate raising boys in this bonkers world? Enter To Be A Boy', where hosts Joeli Brearley and Elliott Rae tackle the murky waters of masculinity and boyhood. From societal stereotypes to the influence of porn, they provide a candid take on raising well-rounded boys. Expect personal anecdotes, belly laughs, and deep dives as they dismantle harmful clichés and champion honest conversations. They explore male friendships, educational gaps, mental health struggles, and tough topics like male violence. Join the conversation for a supportive community with fun and heart.
37 Episodes
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In this episode of To Be A Boy, Elliott Rae and Joeli Brearley sit down with Richard Reeves—author of Of Boys and Men and chair of the UK’s Centre for Policy Research on Boys and Men—for a candid, compassionate conversation about the challenges facing boys and young men today. Together, they explore how schools can better support boys, why male role models matter, and how masculinity can be reimagined without shame or stereotype. Whether you're a parent, educator, policymaker, or simply curious about gender equality, this episode offers a refreshing and nuanced take on what it means to grow up male in today’s world. If he's good enough for Obama, he's good enough for TBAB!
In this episode of To Be a Boy, our Elliott and Joeli are getting stuck into the fascinating (and occasionally sobering) world of modern masculinity. Joined by Joe Hall from Channel 4 and Fergus Navaratnam-Blair from the National Research Group, we’re unpacking the findings of the Mirror on Masculinities report. From why a third of men rarely see the kind of bloke they aspire to be in advertising, to why Angry Ginge streaming FIFA might be more relatable than Johnny Depp flogging aftershave, this episode is getting intoit. Expect some eyebrow-raising stats and plenty of insights as we tackle everything from the rise of Twitch streamers as role models to the curious concept of “masculinity vertigo.”
Joeli and Elliott are joined by the inimitable Cindy Gallop to discuss her ground breaking work with Make Love Not Porn, addressing the impact of pornography on societal expectations and relationships. She describes the importance of open conversations about sex and love, particularly in educating children and young adults and the amazing results she’s seen as a direct result of her work. They also touch on the challenges of funding and support for sex education initiatives, the decline of intimacy among young people, and the need for a cultural shift in how we talk about sex and relationships. Be warned – this is a no holds barred conversation with swearing et al. Please do check out the BRILLIANT Make Love Not Porn Academy here: https://www.makelovenotporn.academy/and the change.org campaign here: https://www.change.org/p/calling-for-fair-visibility-for-all-on-linkedin\Let’s spread the word about this amazing and vital work for men, boys, women and girls.
Joeli and Elliott are taking us through THAT Chanté Joseph Vogue article and asking if and why it’s uncool to have a boyfriend… This episode explores the complexities of modern relationships, the impact of social media, and the evolving roles of men and women. We’re also tackling topics like heterofatalism, the trad wife movement, and the balance of unpaid labour: all in a day’s work.
In this episode, Elliott Rae and Joeli Brearley are joinedby their favourite guest-slash-interrogator, producer Kaley Botting, for a freewheeling chat spanning everything from International Men’s Day to the emotional fallout of the John Lewis Christmas ad. Expect reflections on parenting, gender disappointment, and why brunch raves might just be the salvation of middle-aged joy-seekers. Also: Elliott tries to swap children,Joeli cries over retail marketing, and Kaley’s mum’s WhatsApp group makes a surprise cameo. And just when you think it couldn’t get more profound, they end with a dad joke showdown that may or may not involve ChatGPT. (Spoiler: it does.)
Joeli and Elliott sit down with, yes you heard us right, John Amaechi to talk all things sports, identity and masculinity, emphasizing the importance of emotional intelligence and intimacy among men. John reflects on his experiences as a latecomer to basketball and how it shaped his understanding of masculinity. They also roll up their sleeves and delve into the societal pressures surrounding masculinity, the need for empathy, and the responsibility of parents and coaches in nurturing healthy relationships. John advocates for a redefinition of masculinity that embraces vulnerability and connection, urging listeners to foster environments where boys can express their emotions freely and develop meaningful relationships: it's right up our street.
In this episode Joeli and Elliott speak with Dr. Alex Blowerto dive into the uphill battle faced by working-class boys in education—think less Hogwarts, more hurdles. From aspiration gaps to the masculinity myths messing with motivation, he shares insights, stories, and a few reality checks. It’s time to rethink how we support boys in the classroom.
Join us live from the phenomenal Working Dads’ Summit! In To Be A Boy’s first live recording, Joeli faces a grilling from Elliott. They explore the impact of the motherhood penalty, the importance of parental leave, co-parenting, and the role of support networks for working parents. As per usual, get in touch with your thoughts and questionsat tobeaboyteam@gmail.com
From body image and the pressure to provide, to violence, vulnerability and viral masculinity myths—this episode dives deep into the challenges boys face and how we can support them. Elliott and Joeli chat with Dan Guinness and Ben Hurst from Beyond Equality about what it means to be a boy today. Expect wisdom, warmth, and a few laughs along the way.
In this powerful and practical episode, Joeli and Elliott sit down with parenting coach and founder of Parenting Boys Peacefully, Tosha Schore, to tackle one of the toughest topics: aggression in boys. From meltdowns and morning chaos to verbal outbursts and sibling clashes, Tosha shares compassionate, connection-based strategies for helping boys manage big feelings—without shame, blame or punishment. Expect real talk, relatable stories, and tips you can use today (including the surprisingly effective “drop to the floor” method).---------------https://www.toshaschore.com/owa
We’re back! Joeli and Elliott catch up after summer, swap stories about Welsh golf buggies and nudist beaches, and reflect on the emotional rollercoaster of raising boys and returning to school, expect a few tears. Joeli shares her new venture, GrowthSpurt, and Elliott previews the world’s first Working Dads Summit. Plus, a sneak peek at the incredible guests lined up for Series 3, including Richard Reeves, John Amaechi, and Beyond Equality.—----------------------------GrowthSpurt www.growth-spurt.ukWorking Dads Summit www.workingdadssummit.comParenting Out Loud on LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/company/parenting-out-loud
1Health educator and author Christopher Pepper joins Joeli and Elliott to talk puberty, masculinity, gaming, anger, love, and what to do when your son might be Googling “how to get bigger muscles.” From emotional literacy to ethical decision-making, this episode is packed with practical advice, heartfelt stories, and laughs for anyone raising boys in today’s world.-----------------www.talktoyourboys.comworkingdadssummit.comwww.laurahenryallain.com/news/my-skin-your-skin/
In this warm, funny, and deeply insightful episode, Joeli and Elliott are joined by author and boy-mum extraordinaire Uju Asika, whose latest book Raising Boys Who Do Better is a hopeful guide for parenting boys in today’s complex world. From cuddles and culture clashes to clitoris conversations and pickled onion Monster Munch, this episode dives into the joys and challenges of raising boys with kindness, clarity, and a whole lot of humour.------------------------Raising Boys Wo do Betterworkingdadssummit.com
Joeli and Elliott are joined by Owen Thomas and Chris Stein from Future Men to explore how we can better support boys in today’s world. From redefining masculinity and tackling stereotypes to practical tools for parents and educators, this episode is packed with insight, humour, and hope.----------------------------futuremen.orgworkingdadssummit.com
Dr. Michele Borba joins Elliott and Joeli to explore why boys today are more anxious, lonely, and stressed—and what parents can do to help. From bedtime chats to ukulele therapy, this episode is packed with practical tips, heartfelt stories, and a few laughs. Discover how small acts (like a Post-it note) can make a big impact.https://micheleborba.com
Joeli and Elliott reflect on the emotional leap from primary to secondary school — for kids and parents alike. From leavers’ assemblies and letting go to puberty, peer pressure and parenting panic. They share personal stories, expert advice from Caroline Jacobs, and advice on surviving the summer holiday chaos — with your sanity (mostly) intact.
We’re joined by the legendary Steve Biddulph—psychologist, global parenting guru, and the reason many of us still believe we can survive the teen years—we dive headfirst into the wild, wonderful, and sometimes worrisome world of raising boys. Expect laughter, maybe a tear or two, and plenty of “aha!” moments as we explore modern boyhood with someone who’s seen it all.Steve brings compassion and clarity to the chaos, tackling tough topics like toxic online cultures and those mysterious moods that arrive just after bedtime. For every parent who’s ever stayed up worrying (or Googling “How to talk to my son without being embarrassing”), this episode offers practical wisdom and a reminder: you’re not alone in wanting your boy to grow up kind, confident, and happy.
Elliott and Joeli tackle the urgent topic of online safety, sharing scary stats like children in the UK spending an average of 134 minutes a day on TikTok and 49 minutes on Instagram in 2024, with 36% of kids aged eight to 17 having seen something worrying or nasty online in the past year. Joined by Peter Kyle, Secretary of State for Science, Innovation and Technology, they explore the government’s new Online Safety Act— which the government claims has some of the world’s most sweeping protections—which now require social media platforms to safeguard young users from everything from cyberbullying to violent and harmful content. Tune in for a fun, insightful conversation full of practical tips and the latest on how digital life for young people in the UK is set to change for the better.
We’re diving into the wonderfully awkward world of sex ed for kids—covering everything from “where do babies come from?” to the importance of pleasure. Joeli and Elliott share honest tips, relatable stories, and answer your questions on how to talk to kids about sex, consent, and relationships—without losing your cool.
Did you know that in the UK, men are nearly three times more likely than women to become dependent on alcohol? Or that men account for 74% of hospital admissions for drug-related mental health issues? Joining us is the brilliant Jessica Lahey, best selling author of *The Gift Of Failure* and *The Addiction Inoculation*. She joins Joeli and Elliott to tackle one of the toughest yet most vital topics for parents today: addiction.
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**To Be a Boy** means embracing curiosity, adventure, and learning through play. Boys often face societal expectations of masculinity but are increasingly encouraged to express emotions and foster mental health. Friendships are built through shared experiences, and growing up brings challenges as they balance personal identity with external pressures. It’s about navigating both independence and emotional growth. https://kukasoittii.fi/