To Be A Boy

Join this lively debate with Joeli and Elliott, as experts Sonia Livingstone and Susie Davies tackle the hot topic of social media bans for under-16s in the UK. Discover the pros and cons of digital consent age, the impact on mental health, and the role of parents in navigating the digital landscape. The gloves are off! (No experts were harmed in the recording of this episode.)This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcare marketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part time nannies.From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK.Find out more here: ⁠⁠http://bit.ly/49y19rl⁠⁠

Rerelease alert! First aired on 10 June 2025, this episode with our favourite feels even more relevant now that the government is flirting with the idea of booting under 16s off social media entirely. So we’re revisiting our chat with 15 year old Josh Sargent — boy, book writer, manosphere decoder, and all round legend. Josh breaks down how teen boys get sucked into online masculinity culture, why Andrew Tate was everywhere, and what finally snapped him out of it. Still one of our favourite episodes, and honestly… even more relevant (and alarming) in 2026.We're also pointing you towards our Push for Paternity March: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/push-for-paternity-leave-tickets-1982354647113This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcare marketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part time nannies.From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK.Find out more here: ⁠⁠http://bit.ly/49y19rl⁠⁠

Filmmaker, author and former rapper Fredi Nwaka joins Elliott and Joeli for a powerful, funny and deeply honest conversation about modern masculinity, fatherhood, vulnerability, identity, gang life and healing. From growing up as “the only Black boy in the world” to redefining what it means to be a strong man, Fredi shares lessons on softness, parenting, legacy and the boys we’re raising today. And yes, we get a live rap on the show...We know you’re going to get the Fredi bug like we did, and you can follow him on Instagram: @therealfredinwaka  @boy_by_fredinwaka and get signed copies of the book directly from his website www.fredinwaka.com although it's available from Amazon, Waterstones, Foyles and all good bookstores too. Enjoy the Fredi vibes! This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcare marketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part time nannies.From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK.Find out more here: http://bit.ly/49y19rl

In this episode of To Be A Boy, Elliott and Joeli bring together two seasoned secondary school teachers: Will in Newcastle and Machel in London to dig into pull back the curtain on what’s actually going on with boys today. From “TikTokified” worldviews and “bantified” misogyny to the quiet crises unfolding in the school corridors, they reveal a rapidly shifting landscape that teachers are somehow expected to fix with little more than a whiteboard pen and a prayer. Their stories are equal parts hard, inspiring and deeply human, offering a frontline perspective that cuts through the headlines and hysteria.This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcare marketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part-time nannies.From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK.Find out more here: http://bit.ly/49y19rl

Comedian Darren Harriot joins us for a raw and unsurprisingly funny conversation about grief, masculinity and growing up after losing his dad at 11. From childhood depression to adult shame, from stand‑up as survival to the pressure men feel to “hold it all together,” Darren opens up with honesty and insight. We were really grateful to talk to him about his story. A powerful, hopeful episode for anyone raising boys, loving men, or figuring out their own story. If this resonates with you, we invite you to listen to Darren's show, Father Figuring: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/series/m002lzw8 This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcare marketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part-time nannies.From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK.Find out more here: http://bit.ly/49y19rl

We sit down with the absolutely delightful Gary Barker, CEO of Equimundo for an honest and hopeful conversation about why so many boys and men feel lonely, overwhelmed and disconnected. No small ask: we're asking him what the hell we can do about it. From friendships to (ye olde favourite,) screens to the pressure to “provide,” Gary talks Joeli and Elliott through the big picture, and has a signature warmth that'll suck you in and some much needed clarity. We're jealous that you haven't heard this yet - enjoy! https://equimundo.orghttps://www.equimundo.org/resources/state-of-uk-men-2025/This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcare marketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part-time nannies.From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK.Find out more here: http://bit.ly/49y19rl

In this episode, we sit down with Richard Pomfrett, a martial‑arts‑instructor‑turned‑boy‑whisperer, to unpack why boys sometimes go from chatty little legends to mysterious, grunty teenagers who only communicate via Fortnite and side‑eye. Richard’s spent 25 years helping boys navigate the pressures of modern masculinity, from “must‑get‑six‑pack‑before-puberty” anxiety to the weird world of online influencers.He also shares his brilliantly simple recipe for getting boys to open up: “be open, be positive, be curious”. It's emotional first aid, minus the tiny plasters. Whether you're a parent, teacher or someone just trying to understand why your kid suddenly needs a six‑figure salary by Year 6, this one is packed solid with practical tips. ⁠https://www.boyz-2-men.org.uk/⁠⁠https://TheStaySafeInitiative.org.uk⁠This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcare marketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part-time nannies.From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK.Find out more here: http://bit.ly/49y19rl

What happens when you dig into unpaid labour and accidentally expose the entire wiring of modern family life?In this episode of To Be A Boy, Joeli and Elliott chat with the brilliant Melissa Hogenboom, author of Breadwinners, about why sharing the care still feels revolutionary, why breadwinning still clings to outdated gender scripts, and why so many men discover far too late that the nappy bag does not self‑restock. Together they unpack the invisible work running households, relationships and mental health: the unseen planning others absorb, the pressure men carry as designated “providers,” and the hopeful rise of caring masculinities. A funny, warm, quietly radical episode for anyone trying to build a more equal home, one chore, one conversation at a time. This episode is supported by Philips Avent, a brand trusted by families for over 40 years. ⁠With its Share the Care mission⁠, the brand is helping mums reclaim time for themselves and championing a shift in how we think about parenting.

Motherhood is magical… but it can also be utterly exhausting. In this episode of To Be a Boy, Marci El-Deiry, Leader of Philips Mother and Child Care and working parent sits down with Joeli and Elliott to unpack why the world urgently needs to rethink how we talk about mums, selfcare, and the mythical idea of “doing it all.”From the shocking reality that most mums get less than an hour to themselves each day to the cultural scripts that pressure mothers to martyr themselves, Marci brings honesty, humour, and a global business perspective to a conversation parents need to hear. She reveals how shared caregiving, supportive “villages,” and small everyday shifts can help families not just survive, but thrive – for the sake of our boys and children. If you care about a mother, are a mother, or simply want to understand the invisible load behind early parenthood, this episode will change how you see the first year — and the role we all play in it.This episode is supported by Philips Avent, a brand trusted by families for over 40 years. With its Share the Care mission, the brand is helping mums reclaim time for themselves and championing a shift in how we think about parenting.

We start the podcast’s year off with a super special guest: it’s only the Prime Minister in the chair! This episode of To Be A Boy was recorded in IKEA Croydon, among meatballs and Billy bookcases, where Elliott Rae and Joeli Brearley grilled Sir Keir Starmer on the biggest shake-up to workers’ rights in a generation: the Employment Rights Act.We’re talking stronger flexible working laws, miscarriage leave, enhanced protections for parents, and a day-one right to sick pay. Plus, we tackle zero-hour contracts, sexual harassment prevention, and menopause action plans. And because we’re us, we didn’t stop there: childcare costs, mental health for dads, and whether six weeks paid paternity leave could actually happen all made the cut.It’s bold, it’s honest, and it’s served with a side of Swedish meatballs. If you care about parental rights, gender equality, and the future of family life in the UK, this is the episode you didn’t know you needed.This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcare marketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part-time nannies. From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK.Find out more here: http://bit.ly/49y19rl

In this episode of To Be A Boy, Elliott Rae and Joeli Brearley sit down with Richard Reeves—author of Of Boys and Men and chair of the UK’s Centre for Policy Research on Boys and Men—for a candid, compassionate conversation about the challenges facing boys and young men today. Together, they explore how schools can better support boys, why male role models matter, and how masculinity can be reimagined without shame or stereotype. Whether you're a parent, educator, policymaker, or simply curious about gender equality, this episode offers a refreshing and nuanced take on what it means to grow up male in today’s world. If he's good enough for Obama, he's good enough for TBAB!

We’re back in the studio (and yes, the chairs are dangerously comfy) to celebrate nearly a year of To Be A Boy. From Ruth Whippman’s eye-opening research on raising boys, to Lenore Skenazy convincing us to let kids roam free, to John Amaechi’s powerful truths about identity, we’re unpacking the moments that made us laugh, cry, and rethink everything. Plus, a shout-out to Josh—the 14-year-old genius who might just save masculinity. Join us for highlights, surprises, and a little festive chaos as we look ahead to what’s next.Thanks for a wonderful year, wonderful listeners!

What does it take to raise a brilliant boy with autism in a world full of stigma, systemic hurdles, and cultural misconceptions? In this episode, childcare lawyer and super-mum Deborah Otubambo shares her 21-year journey of advocacy, resilience, and hope whilst raising a son with autism. From the early days of confusion and cultural stigma to navigating the complex world of EHCPs and education, Deborah shares what it really takes to advocate for your child against systemic hurdles. She talks candidly about the emotional toll, the misconceptions she faced, and how her perspective on diagnosis evolved over time. This conversation is a raw and hopeful look at resilience, community, and redefining success for families of children with special educational needs.Some notes for you:The number of cases brought to tribunal that are successful is actually 98%: https://www.specialneedsjungle.com/55-rise-2024-send-tribunal-appeals-cost-families-incalculable/Costs can vary wildly - and unless you get legal aid then it can cost up to £20,000 to take this action. Resources mentioned in this episode include: https://www.ipsea.org.ukhttps://www.braain.co.uk/senhttps://family-action.org.uk/our-work-impact/send/https://sossen.org.ukhttps://www.specialneedsjungle.com

In this episode of To Be a Boy, our Elliott and Joeli are getting stuck into the fascinating (and occasionally sobering) world of modern masculinity. Joined by Joe Hall from Channel 4 and Fergus Navaratnam-Blair from the National Research Group, we’re unpacking the findings of the Mirror on Masculinities report. From why a third of men rarely see the kind of bloke they aspire to be in advertising, to why Angry Ginge streaming FIFA might be more relatable than Johnny Depp flogging aftershave, this episode is getting intoit. Expect some eyebrow-raising stats and plenty of insights as we tackle everything from the rise of Twitch streamers as role models to the curious concept of “masculinity vertigo.”

Joeli and Elliott are joined by the inimitable Cindy Gallop to discuss her ground breaking work with Make Love Not Porn, addressing the impact of pornography on societal expectations and relationships. She describes the importance of open conversations about sex and love, particularly in educating children and young adults and the amazing results she’s seen as a direct result of her work. They also touch on the challenges of funding and support for sex education initiatives, the decline of intimacy among young people, and the need for a cultural shift in how we talk about sex and relationships. Be warned – this is a no holds barred conversation with swearing et al. Please do check out the BRILLIANT Make Love Not Porn Academy here: https://www.makelovenotporn.academy/and the change.org campaign here: https://www.change.org/p/calling-for-fair-visibility-for-all-on-linkedin\Let’s spread the word about this amazing and vital work for men, boys, women and girls.

Joeli and Elliott are taking us through THAT Chanté Joseph Vogue article and asking if and why it’s uncool to have a boyfriend… This episode explores the complexities of modern relationships, the impact of social media, and the evolving roles of men and women. We’re also tackling topics like heterofatalism, the trad wife movement, and the balance of unpaid labour: all in a day’s work.

In this episode, Elliott Rae and Joeli Brearley are joinedby their favourite guest-slash-interrogator, producer Kaley Botting, for a freewheeling chat spanning everything from International Men’s Day to the emotional fallout of the John Lewis Christmas ad. Expect reflections on parenting, gender disappointment, and why brunch raves might just be the salvation of middle-aged joy-seekers. Also: Elliott tries to swap children,Joeli cries over retail marketing, and Kaley’s mum’s WhatsApp group makes a surprise cameo. And just when you think it couldn’t get more profound, they end with a dad joke showdown that may or may not involve ChatGPT. (Spoiler: it does.)

Joeli and Elliott sit down with, yes you heard us right, John Amaechi to talk all things sports, identity and masculinity, emphasizing the importance of emotional intelligence and intimacy among men. John reflects on his experiences as a latecomer to basketball and how it shaped his understanding of masculinity. They also roll up their sleeves and delve into the societal pressures surrounding masculinity, the need for empathy, and the responsibility of parents and coaches in nurturing healthy relationships. John advocates for a redefinition of masculinity that embraces vulnerability and connection, urging listeners to foster environments where boys can express their emotions freely and develop meaningful relationships: it's right up our street.

In this episode Joeli and Elliott speak with Dr. Alex Blowerto dive into the uphill battle faced by working-class boys in education—think less Hogwarts, more hurdles. From aspiration gaps to the masculinity myths messing with motivation, he shares insights, stories, and a few reality checks. It’s time to rethink how we support boys in the classroom.

Join us live from the phenomenal Working Dads’ Summit! In To Be A Boy’s first live recording, Joeli faces a grilling from Elliott. They explore the impact of the motherhood penalty, the importance of parental leave, co-parenting, and the role of support networks for working parents. As per usual, get in touch with your thoughts and questionsat tobeaboyteam@gmail.com