Ask Christopher West

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode: I am a single man in my twenties and have committed to reserving sex for marriage. People often try to dissuade me by bringing up “sexual compatibility,” telling stories of couples who waited and later divorced because they weren’t compatible in the marriage bed. I struggle to respond since I can’t speak from experience about what sexual compatibility or good sex really means. My gut tells me there’s something selfish in this reasoning, yet every married couple hopes sexual intimacy will be wonderful for both spouses. So what is sexual compatibility, and is it really possible for a man and woman to be sexually incompatible? I am a young woman with a fantastic boyfriend. When we kiss, it usually lasts for only a second, but I’ve found myself wanting a kiss from him that is longer and more intimate. I also have this desire when it comes to being held by him or cuddling. Thankfully, we both love theology of the body and desire to grow in chastity in our relationship, but I’m not sure how prudent these desires are because I don’t want to use him for physical pleasure. Is it okay for me to want these things from him even though we aren’t married? Can they be done in a chaste way? Having had unchaste experiences with men I’ve dated in the past makes me feel as though I’d be tainting my current relationship by doing these things, and the feelings that arise feel more like lust and crossing a boundary. I recently came across your work and have been listening to your podcasts and interviews incessantly. It is truly life-changing material. You’ve referenced a few times a retreat where a priest asked you to perform various exercises to help stir up your desires so that you could really learn how to pray. What were those exercises? I haven’t been able to find them through all the listening I’ve been doing.Resources:Word Made Fresh Podcast on YouTubeWord Made Fresh Podcast on SpotifyColorado Ski Retreat with Christopher ---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode:I have been a consecrated man for 40 years. Through theology of the body, I came to understand that my masculinity was not denied by my vow of chastity, but lived in another way. I learned to integrate natural bodily movements and the struggle for purity into my path of sanctification. Recently, due to age, these experiences have largely disappeared. I feel I now have less struggle and less of a felt experience of my masculinity. My testosterone levels have decreased, which brings sadness. Does this suffering make sense, and should I try to restore my testosterone to offer my virility to God as self-gift? My boyfriend and I have dated for a year, and the topic of pornography has never really been discussed. I have no reason to believe that he currently watches, but I’m finding more and more that I need reassurance that this is not a potential threat to our sweet relationship. Would it be out of place for me to ask my boyfriend if he has watched or still watches porn? It feels so critical and unkind to ask him such a question. Do you have any suggestions on how I should approach this conversation? I am currently dating a wonderful girl, and we have both been raised extremely well in the faith and theology of the body. We were talking about the beauty of reserving sex for marriage, and she mentioned that she has never felt the desire for sex once in her life. I was a bit shocked by this. Is that something that will grow as we continue to progress toward marriage in a holy way, or does that mean she will never have the natural human desire for sexual union in the marital act? I’m just worried about how that may affect a marriage. What is your thought?Resources:Colorado Ski Retreat with Christopher Course ScheduleAre you ready for marriage? Check out Next Step: A Course for Discerning Marriage ---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode:About 10 years ago, my husband and I rushed into a vasectomy after my third child in 3.5 years and intense anxiety/depression. I wasn’t in favor, but agreed thinking he’d reverse it if we wanted more kids—then I learned he never intended to. For eight years I felt despair and our union felt unrepairable. In recent years, Christ has healed me, and discovering TOB helped transform my husband’s heart; he’s apologized and wishes he could take it back. But he fears reversal because of painful complications. Should I ask him to reverse it for me, or leave it up to him? How does this relate to TOB’s “special responsibility” of the man to reestablish the balance of the gift?My question is about where the marriage imagery of Christ and the Church can fall short. Sometimes I find it hard to love God when I know that if I don’t, He has the power and authority to cast me into hell, and if this were a relationship between two sinners, it might seem abusive for one spouse to punish the other for lack of loyalty. Ezekiel 16 portrays God doing this in a spousal context, and it deeply troubles me. When I struggle with this, I shy away from Christ as Bridegroom and turn to other analogies, like Him as the vine. Can you shed some TOB light on this?I’ve been in a relationship for four years. We’re both believing Christians and try to live our relationship in the light of theology of the body, but lately we’re struggling with physical affection—never knowing what is too much or what is healthy since we’re not married. We’ve talked a lot, and it seems I’m having a harder time than he is. My problem is that I often find myself troubled after the fact. I’d really appreciate some advice.Resources:Colorado Ski Retreat with Christopher events@tobinstitute.org---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode:Recently I had mole excision surgery that led me into some unexpected reflection through a TOB lens. I was awake with only local anesthesia and watched the doctor use a scalpel to cut into my skin. Seeing the blood flow out made me lightheaded and nauseous, and I wondered why many people feel queasy at the sight of blood. In TOB terms, is this like “your seed belongs in her garden”? Might blood also feel like something that belongs inside the body? How does this connect to Christ’s Sacred Heart being pierced and his blood poured out for us—and why don’t medical professionals react this way?I’ve been listening to an introduction to theology of the body you gave, and my heart is stirred with a desire for all the beauty and goodness that is offered to us through the truth of our bodies. I can’t help but wonder as I listen how this truth of what is intended for our bodies applies to those who experience unusual circumstances such as infertility, reproductive disorders, or illnesses, and the smaller percentage who are born with physical abnormalities that affect their sexual or reproductive organs. How does the ideal of the theology of the body reconcile with these natural realities?My husband and I have been married for 38 years. I came into marriage with insecurities and abandonment wounds—my father died when I was 3, my mother never remarried, and my older siblings left home after marrying. My husband’s love language is touch and quality time, and he didn’t receive much of either from his parents. Because of our woundedness, we had immoral patterns in our marriage—dressing inappropriately and spending at least 10 years going to nudist resorts. I’m further on my journey through counseling and our Catholic faith, but I’m not sure where he is. I feel pressured when he comments on my body, stares, and wants us naked at home. What steps can I take to have a healthier response to my husband?Resources:Colorado Ski Retreat with Christopher ---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode:I’m experiencing my third very early miscarriage, and I’m having a lot of difficult feelings because the loss is so early. I never saw a doctor to confirm pregnancy—just a few days of faint positive tests that never got darker and eventually turned negative—and I’m dreading the coming bloodshed. I’m struggling with feeling like I shouldn’t grieve; I know life begins at conception, but I’m confused, and it feels unfair to people with “real” miscarriages. My husband doesn’t really understand, and I feel alone with two toddlers. Any insight appreciated.I understand God gave us sexuality as a gift, making us sexual beings. If he knew we’d be tempted to misuse it, why didn’t he make it so we’d be attracted to beauty but not feel sexual desire until after vows in the sacrament of marriage? Since that’s not how he designed it—and many look forward to that day—how do we look forward without unchaste thoughts or fantasies? My love language is touch, and I ache to be held, but my yearning slips into fantasies and then self-abuse. Any encouragement or advice would be welcome.Why did the apostles not recognize Jesus after the resurrection?Resources:Sexual Integration CourseColorado Ski Retreat with Christopher Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–My wife and I have been married almost 1.5 years and we just had our first daughter 2.5 months ago. One challenge we’re struggling to discern is that my younger brother is transitioning from male to female and calling himself “Auntie” in front of my daughter. I love my brother dearly, and this has been a long journey tied to brokenness I and others caused when he was younger. We want to raise our daughter in the truth of God’s plan for sexuality while still loving my brother well. What language and approach would you recommend?My mother is nearing the end of a six-year battle with a very rare condition that is eating away at her body. My father continues to struggle with the “why” behind this suffering, crying out, “Why would God allow this?”I’m a student midwife, and sometimes my faith comes up with my teachers and the other students. They often ask me questions about chastity, and I always try to explain it in the light of Theology of the Body, but I find it so hard when the other person has never heard of it. Do you have some ideas for how I could start—and keep going—on with those conversations?Resources:Course ScheduleColorado Ski Retreat with Christopher Good News About Sex & MarriageMale, Female, Other? : A Catholic Guide to Understanding Gender by Jason EvertLove & Responsibility YouTube SeriesDonate to the JPII Legacy FoundationJPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode: St. John Paul talks about woman being master of her own mystery—how a man must stand at the door and knock, then wait for her to open, even in marriage, respecting her right to reject his advances to the marital embrace. In light of this, how do we understand 1 Corinthians 7:4–5 (“the wife does not rule over her own body… Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement…”)? What does this mean? It seems to contradict JP2. I’ve also heard it used against NFP—how can I understand it in light of TOB and the Church’s teaching?How do you handle sharing Theology of the Body in the current context, where our own leaders in the Church seem to more and more embrace the way of the world? Can you give advice on ways to share and teach the TOB message within our own diocese in this context—especially when facing barriers from our own priests and bishops?I’m a happily married man in my early 60s. I had a vasectomy in my 20s after our third child, became Catholic in my 50s, and deeply regretted what I’d done to my body. I’ve gathered that when I make love to my wife it isn’t considered a truly marital act because my body is in a contraceptive state—even though she’s past menopause and cannot conceive. I’ve considered reversal, but I can’t afford it and I’m told it’s unlikely to work at my age; my non-Catholic wife isn’t supportive. Have you any consoling thoughts?Resources:Colorado Ski Retreat with ChristopherGood News About Sex & MarriageIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠Donate to the JPII Legacy FoundationJPII Legacy Foundation Website---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode:I am a theology teacher of high school students at a Catholic school. How do I joyfully proclaim Theology of the Body—or any Church teaching—when my students look like the walking dead? A coworker calls them spiritually dead. They don’t seem to care and they fall asleep in class. Satan has used all of that to make me question whether I’m in the right career. I think, if I was truly called, my students’ faith would come alive. How can I share this beautiful message with anyone who seems spiritually dead?At age 60, I’m no longer interested in the marital act, and it is most painful and unpleasant—therefore, not happening. I am TOB savvy and preach it to everyone, but I’m not living it. I know the marital act rocks my husband’s world, but I cannot tolerate it. I’ve had medical procedures contributing to the unpleasantness. I probably should seek medical attention, but would rather not.I am a priest and a religious. Throughout my formation, the emphasis was mostly on the challenging, sacrificial dimension of celibacy, but TOB has brought joy into living it. Celibacy feels like a continual discovery of God’s closeness and of living with the people entrusted to me. But I don’t know whether this fulfillment brings joy to the parts of me that desire a deeper, more personal gaze—and whether that gaze is reserved only for God. I’m not sure if I’m loved for my vocation or if I, Andrea, am worthy of love as a person. Can you help me understand this?Resources:JPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteDonate to the JPII Legacy FoundationColorado Ski Retreat with ChristopherWritings of JPII Course LinkTOB at the Movies eBookLitanies of the Heart by Dr. Gerry CreteFr. John Cihak’s Article---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode:There are many stories of Catholic men who experience same-sex attraction and go on to marry and have families, even though their predominant attraction remains toward men. Many encourage others not to dismiss marriage before exploring whether God could be calling them to it. I’m honestly confused. Would it be right for me to pursue a relationship with a woman without being attracted to her, without longing to share in the marital embrace? Some say attraction to their wives arose later in dating, but it doesn’t seem right to start a romantic relationship without attraction.I’ve been struggling for many months with the sexual past of my boyfriend. It’s been really difficult not to take it personally—feeling deeply hurt and offended that he didn’t wait for me, even though we didn’t know one another when those things occurred. He is now committed to living chastely after realizing that fornication was unfulfilling and a lie, thanks be to God. How can I place the proper weight on his past without taking it personally in a way that sabotages the beautiful relationship we’ve built?I converted to the Catholic faith 7 years ago from an atheistic background. From my parents I have a strong inclination to be a perfectionist, even during the marital embrace. I’m anxious not to fail, and I often think I will be a failure if we don’t get 3 children. We have 2 on earth and 1 in heaven. I feel unworthy compared with traditional huge Catholic families. How can I get rid of this anxiety and be free?Resources:Colorado Ski Retreat with ChristopherSexual Integration & Redemption CourseAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:I love marriage and my wife, but we’re facing our biggest challenge: understanding sex and its rightful place. We stayed chaste before marriage; I was a virgin and she’d been abstinent for years. I desire union daily, and while she enjoys our intimacy, she doesn’t need it as often, though she still wants affection. We’re trying to discern how often sex should happen within God’s plan. She fears being used because of past wounds, and I fear rejection when she’s not ready. I worry her “no” means I’ve failed her. Since marrying, sex dominates my thoughts, and it’s becoming a burden.About ten years ago, at 45, I learned I carry a genetic marker for several cancers. Two of my sisters with the same marker developed endometrial and ovarian cancer. I later became a breast cancer survivor, another cancer on the list. My doctor told me there’s no good screening for ovarian cancer and strongly urged a hysterectomy, since pregnancy was unlikely and ovarian cancer is often detected too late. I chose the hysterectomy to prevent cancer, not pregnancy. But after studying Theology of the Body, I’m questioning that decision. What does the Church teach in a case like mine?My wife and I had two miscarriages this year, and the pain has been deep. She is angry with God, and I realized I repressed my own grief until recently. Now I often fight back tears and long for our two children. We keep asking God why. I can’t imagine how this suffering could be glorified here. Are some sufferings only understood in heaven? I also wonder whether physical imperfections like illness or miscarriage are God’s doing or simply consequences of human freedom. I doubt whether prayer can change anything, yet I still love God even as I struggle with doubts about His omnipotence.Resources:JPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteDonate to the JPII Legacy FoundationCourse ScheduleAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:I’d like your opinion on popular songs that celebrate the pleasures of sexual union, like that Marvin Gaye song. Can their meaning—or the passions they stir—be redeemed within marriage? It seems many of these songs aren’t good in most contexts, especially those that objectify people. But are some of them acceptable for married couples to listen to privately, if the lyrics don’t violate the personalistic norm and actually draw one’s mind to the joy of union with one’s spouse? I’d love to hear your thoughts.I’m engaged, and after 1.5 years together we’ve had ongoing difficulties. My fiancé has a very strong desire for union with me—not just sexually, but in living together and loving without limits. His desire is so strong that he becomes deeply frustrated by the limits of a premarital relationship, and he grows distant when that frustration hits. He even says it pains him to be with me. His distance makes me hesitant to marry him. It feels unnatural that Eros could be so strong it can’t endure normal premarital boundaries, and it scares me. Is this normal?I’m a young Catholic woman still in love with a man I met in high school. Back then I felt something spiritual between us—a quiet sense of God saying, “Behold your husband.” He was the first person I ever saw receive the Eucharist kneeling and on the tongue, and it struck me deeply. Though we never acted on anything, seven years later my feelings remain, even though he’s dating someone else and has made choices against his faith. I pray for him daily, but I’m torn: do these prayers honor God, or keep me stuck? Should I keep praying for him or prepare my heart for the husband God intends?Resources:JPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteDonate to the JPII Legacy FoundationEvent ScheduleAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:I’m a 24-year-old single woman who has never dated. I want to be married, but it’s a passive desire—I’m content and open if something comes my way. I don’t ache for marriage the way others do, and I don’t feel called to chase it. People tell me I’m wasting my twenties and question if I even want a family. I do want marriage, just no one has interested me yet. I don’t think God is asking me to hunt for a spouse. Does that make sense, or am I being foolish?My husband and I have used NFP for 20 years, but during my fertile times he tempts me daily for intimacy. I resist for a few days but usually cave once a month, leading to intercourse where only I climax. It’s very hard to stop, and I’m always the one trying, which leaves me feeling guilty. I love our intimacy but resent his lack of restraint. A priest once told me confessing this monthly means it’s mortal sin, but I can’t find why. Can you shed light on this?I struggle with unwanted arousal around my fiancée—holding hands, hugging, sitting close, even certain voice inflections. Sometimes there’s slight discharge without erection or intent. I feel terrible afterward and replay everything to see if I consented. A priest and therapist have both told me it’s natural and I lack culpability, but I still worry because I’ve read that near-complete pleasure can be gravely sinful. I’m trying to understand if these involuntary reactions are sinful. Please help a confused brother in Christ.Resources:⁠⁠Course ScheduleJPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteGood News About Sex & MarriageLove & Responsibility YouTube Series---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode: Right now, I'm learning about cycles and fertility using the Creighton method. One main point is that the man is always fertile while the woman is infertile most of the time. I’m wondering if there’s a theology behind that—especially since the man typically initiates and is constantly fertile. What do you think is the significance of this?I'm dating and love your podcast. I'm in a serious relationship but still in college, so marriage is likely two years away. When do you recommend reading Good News About Sex and Marriage? I viewed pornography in early high school but, with God’s grace, have been free for years. Still, twisted ideas about sexuality linger. I long for God’s truth—could reading these sources bring healing and help untwist what remains twisted in me?I feel like modesty conversations are objectifying. Why talk about me as if I’m just pieces to cover? Secular friends see me as a whole person, but religious people seem to see only skin. You say there are no abstract breasts, yet I’m told to cover mine because they “distract” from me—even though they are me. If the body isn’t bad, why hide it? If others can look purely, why must I be my brother’s keeper? Can’t we stop sexualizing everything instead of keeping it taboo?Resources:Course ScheduleJPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteGood News About Sex & MarriageAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:I admire my Catholic family, but I struggle to receive advice from my parents. I’m academically gifted and study philosophy, theology, and psychology of relationships, while they don’t share my passion for ideas. When they give advice, I often think, “I’ve already considered that,” or, “There’s a deeper understanding.” I know their long marriage brings wisdom, but I don’t always appreciate it. What insight can you offer from your own experience about respecting and learning from parental wisdom in relationships?Can male climax occur outside the womb if the couple intends to climax in the womb immediately afterward? I’m curious about how this aligns with Theology of the Body and marital intimacy.I’m writing about Christ as bridegroom in every Christian’s life. I understand it in religious or consecrated life, but how does it apply to married people? Are there resources, including John Paul II, that discuss this? How should non-consecrated Christians live out this reality in prayer and daily life?Resources:Course ScheduleMulieris Dignitatem Document---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:I’ve been married for almost 25 years. My husband has been verbally abusive and sexually misused me, though we’re now on a path of healing and reconciliation. Because of the deep wounds, I haven’t been able to have sex with him since our separation a year and a half ago. I’m slowly learning forgiveness, but his anger over the lack of sex makes it hard. He says things like, “No loving Christian woman would make a guy wait this long.” How can I find genuine desire again after so much damage to my heart?My friend, who identifies as non-binary, had masculinizing chest surgery. I knew about her plans but never dissuaded her or shared my faith. I even drove her to her first post-op appointment. Now I feel I failed to answer God’s call to speak truth. She may think I support her decision and doesn’t know I’m Catholic. I pray for her and want to reflect on what happened—how to seek God’s grace for us both and how to be a better friend in Christ moving forward.Coming from a Protestant background, I’m now more open to icons and statues but still struggle with the physical gestures of veneration. I understand the honor is for the person represented, not the image, yet verses like Revelation 19:10 trouble me. I love sacred art but hesitate with bowing or kissing images. How does Theology of the Body help explain this kind of devotion?Resources:Word Made Fresh PodcastGood News About Sex & MarriageLove & Responsibility YouTube Series---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:I don't think I have numbed myself or shut down my desires, but I think I may have never learned how to be in touch with them. I don't ever feel aroused or even really desirous of anything. I thought it was because I was blessed with purity, chastity, and temperance, but I'm wondering if I'm actually lacking something or disordered because I don't feel like there's anything that I'm channeling or putting into right order. I'm just existing in what seems like a non-problematic way, but I'm not sure.My girlfriend and I are involved in Catholic ministry work, and we've been friends for over 7 years. We've been dating for just over a month, but we know each other very well. I feel like we could move forward faster than a typical timeline, but I'm not sure if I can trust that instinct. Do you have any suggestions about how we can prudently move forward?I am a Catholic wife in my late twenties with one toddler son and one on the way. We've been married for 3.5 years, and sex has never been easy for me. I've tried seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, but every embrace remained painful, even more so after I was diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis. I'm wondering how I can reframe my thinking so I don't try to avoid marital relations or resent God for giving me this cross and making it difficult to connect with my husband physically. We do have great intimacy via communication and conversation, but sometimes it's not enough. We crave the physical connection, yet I always end up sad after the embrace because it is so painful.Resources:Love & Responsibility CourseSexual Integration & Redemption CourseAre you ready for marriage? Check out Next Step: A Course for Discerning MarriageRestorative Reproductive MedicineAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode:As I understand it, sacraments need the correct form and matter to be valid. What about marriage? I wonder if true marital sex is part of that form and matter, and if using contraception or not being open to life disrupts the grace that flows through the sacrament. In our marriage, we’ve experienced deep grace through healthy sexual intimacy and NFP, and I sense this grace comes not just from avoiding sin, but directly from the physical marital union that’s healed and unified us after years of brokenness.My husband of 25 years is battling aggressive cancer and undergoing chemo, which will lead to erectile dysfunction. His doctors say we must use condoms if we want to be intimate during treatment because the chemicals could harm me. We’ve never used contraception and don’t want to commit mortal sin. We’re in our late 40s and still practicing NFP. Given our situation, can we morally use condoms during chemo for safety, or would that violate Church teaching?I’m a man in my early twenties who’s long experienced strong same-sex attraction, though I also feel a more romantic, non-sexual attraction toward women. I’ve tried to see the beauty of men as a reflection of God’s design, yet I feel shame and confusion, wondering if this admiration is wrong. I want to be a true man, love women rightly, and one day marry and have a family. What should I do with these feelings and desires? Resources:Love & Responsibility CourseSexual Integration & Redemption CourseSetting Love in Order Book⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode:1. I’m growing close to a woman from my parish, and our relationship may become romantic. I need to disclose my long history of solitary sin and pornography use, which I no longer struggle with, but I’ve recently remembered past acts and fantasies. I’ve taken these to prayer and confession, but I worry she will reject me if I share. What level of detail is prudent to disclose? I struggle with scrupulosity, making it hard to know whether withholding details would be dishonest or manipulative.2. I’ve struggled to love my body for years. Pole fitness classes have built my strength and confidence, healing some self-hatred. I avoid erotic dance, focusing on strength-based moves. My question is: is it wrong to continue these pole fitness classes? They’ve brought much good to my life, and I want to ensure my hobbies are pleasing to God.3. I’m newly married and expecting our first child. We’re excited but nervous, hearing how hard parenting can strain marriages. I worry the struggle will create distance and conflict between us. How can we maintain our love and focus while keeping our sanity during pregnancy and early child-rearing? Resources:College of St. Joseph the WorkerCourse ScheduleJPII Legacy Foundation Website---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode:Could you explain the purpose of cloistered monks and nuns in light of theology of the body? We’re made for relationships through our bodies, yet they live in isolation and silence. Is their life like priestly celibacy—foregoing something of this world for the sake of the kingdom?My wife and I had our first child 11 months ago, and I’ve been trying to honor her body and timeline. But I feel like I have little agency in our discernment since she insists we never have sex during fertile windows. How can I ask good, gentle questions to see if she’s truly open to the Lord with her body and heart?I’ve been married seven years and long to love my husband well, but it’s so hard. I fall often and feel helpless, aware of my weakness and need for grace. I also struggle with self-hatred and wonder if my difficulty loving him comes from not loving myself. What are your thoughts?Resources:TOB Survey---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode:Before my reversion, my husband and I conceived both our children through IVF. Now I feel deep shame, even worrying my sin might harm them eternally. A friend once told me IVF babies don’t have souls, which horrified me. Do I need to tell my children how they were conceived, and if so, how do I do it without passing on my shame? What truth can I hold on to about their dignity and worth as beloved children of God?As a spiritual director, I know a young couple, married two years, who are struggling with sexual intimacy. The wife says this part of their marriage is nearly nonexistent. I fear this could damage their relationship and I’m unsure how to guide them. Do you have any recommendations?I’m an evangelical Christian, and my girlfriend and I hope to marry and have kids. She has type 1 diabetes, which makes pregnancy more complicated and risky. I’m drawn to the Catholic view of openness to life and natural family planning, but she doesn’t have strong theological views about birth control. How can we talk about family planning in a loving way that respects our faith, her medical needs, and the challenges of pregnancy?Resources:TOB1 On DemandOur Bodies Tells God's Story Book---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠