How To Be Real

We love when our nervous systems feel regulated, but let’s be real… moments like that can be few and far between. But what does it feel like to be regulated vs disregulated? How do we get to those points? Let’s dig deep and find out!If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

Anger has been labeled the villain for way too long. We’re told to calm down, be softer, be more evolved, when really, righteous anger is often the first thing telling us the truth.This episode explores how we can heal our relationship with anger and use it as a source of clarity and information.If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

We’re diving into the mindset behind pivoting, what alignment actually feels like, and how to change course without shame. Plus, our favorite segment, ‘I don’t like that,’ returns as we vent about the things we are simply not into right now.If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

It’s time to pack light, as Ms. Badu said. Like most things, it’s easier said than done, but we can’t go into 2026 still holding onto things that are weighing us down. If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch up on episodes via our YouTube channel!AAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

Some of these takes might sound wild at first. Give it a second. If you can step out of your own head, they start lining up real quick. From calling out therapist cosplay to side-eyeing streamers. In this episode, we discuss a few hills we’re absolutely standing on…and we said what we said.If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

Body shame shows up early and sticks around longer than any of us asked for. We’re letting go of the shame we didn’t choose and getting honest about the messages we internalized without even noticing. A listener letter takes us deeper, and a quick detour through Player’s Club/BET Uncut chaos keeps it real. A soft drag and a soft landing, all at once.If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

We all have some type of generational trauma — the behaviors, beliefs, and emotional patterns passed down through families that shape us more than we realize.This episode, we dig into how these patterns showed up for us and what it’s taking to break or transform them. We also introduced a new segment “Rate + Review” where we chat through our fave (and not so fave) things on TV!If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

This week, we’re breaking down performative support v. real sisterhood, how social media reshaped feminism, and what community looks like when women hold space for each other.If you’re more of a visuals girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

We talked about what it really means to live in agreement—with who you are, what you want, and how you move through the world.We also unpacked how this shows up in the culture:D’Angelo’s refusal to be boxed in by labels, Ayesha Curry’s honesty, good news out of California, and the ceasefire in Gaza. **Also, if you'd like to donate to those impacted by the typhoon in Alaska, the Association of Village Council Presidents has posted an Amazon wishlist for items that will be distributed to affected villages.💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify and catch up on episodes on our YouTube channel📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

Forgiveness. The kind that’s awkward. Quiet. Not always cute. And doesn’t always come with a happy ending.This episode, we get into:• What forgiveness actually looks like when you’re in it• The difference between letting go and holding a grudge• How to know when you’ve actually moved on (vs just saying you have)• The levels of forgiveness no one really talks aboutPlus: a Solange appreciation moment, a lil nostalgia for the weirdest couples of the 2000s, and some good news from the week (cuz we all need it).If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: accountability isn’t aesthetic. It’s uncomfortable, it’s vulnerable, and it doesn’t always come with applause.This week, we’re talking about: What it really means to own your sh*t, our own recent bouts with accountability, and more. AAAND…Don’t forget to read this month’s newsletter. We made it just for you!If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channel💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

This week’s episode is part playlist swap, part storytime, part bffr on cultural commentary.We also spent a little extra time on our favorite segment, I Don’t Like That, featuring thoughts on messy documentaries, the media’s obsession with certain narratives, and a few moments we just couldn’t let slide.And don’t forget to read this month’s newsletter. We made it just for you!If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

We’re getting real about ego: the messy, funny, sometimes protective voice inside us that can either keep us safe or hold us back.Ego isn’t the enemy, but it definitely needs to be checked sometimes. Tap in and let’s figure out together.And don’t forget to read this month’s newsletter. We made it just for you!If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

This one’s for the people who are always doing the most…and finally asking, why?In this episode, we talk about what we’re working on and working toward. We also share some of the funniest news stories of the week (because balance) and our personal red flags that let us know a tv show or movie is about to be trash.And don’t forget to read this month’s newsletter. We made it just for you!If you’re more of a visual girlie, catch up on episodes on our YouTube channelAAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

This is a love letter to the phrases that felt dramatic… until they didn’t.💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show, heyhowtobereal@gmail.com😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

We live in a country where violence goes viral, grief becomes content, and policies are passed without care for the people most affected. Empathy these days feels like it’s on life support.In this episode, we talk about the empathy crisis in America, how we got here, and why choosing to care is more necessary than ever.💜Tap in for the conversation, stay for the reminders. And remember: we’re not therapists, we just have them!💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

We’re sharing our top 3 biggest turn-offs and a few things that pissed us off this week—yes, we’re naming names (and behaviors). Then we got into the meat of the episode: attachment styles.We discussed how they manifest in our relationships, how they influence the way we connect (or disconnect), and why it’s so challenging to relinquish control when we’re deeply invested in an outcome. 🧠 Curious about your attachment style? Take the quiz hereIf you’re more of a visual girlie, watch the episode in full^^^AAAND…💌 Send us a letter or question to be featured on the show😉 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

This week we’re revisiting some of the most loved characters in TV and film who were actually the villains (don’t fight us, we have the receipts).Then we turn to the current events of today that have us feeling like we’re in the Twilight Zone:• The Job Corps shutdown and what’s next• The Gaza flotilla that never made it• The LA immigration protests and how the people are pushing backAnd finally, we hold space for a listener letter asking: how do you stay grounded when everything feels like it’s unraveling?If you’re more of a YouTube girlie, tune in here ^^^AAAND…💌 Send us your own letter or question to be featured🧠 Subscribe for more conversations that go beneath the surface🎧 Find us on Apple + Spotify: 📩 Join our Substack: How To Be Real Resources to get involved in some of the current happenings we discussed on the show:Hope and Haven for RefugeesSupplies for SudanOther ways to get involved in LA (even if you’re not in LA) NILC (National Immigration Law Center) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

We’re tired, but we’re not turning on our people.In this episode, we unpack the term Black fatigue and our thoughts on this article that says the answer is walking away from “embarrassing” parts of our community.Fatigue is real—but so is care, complexity, and choosing each other even when we’re tired....WE HAVE A GIFT FOR OUR LISTENERS!Walking Meditation StorytimeJournal Prompt SheetRATE, REVIEW + FOLLOW US:IG @howtobrealTikTok @howtobrealYouTube @HowToBRealPERSONALS:Tasha's IG @thetashabTay's IG @justsay_taySEND US A LISTENER LETTER: heyhowtobereal@gmail.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com

This episode is all about the moment we realized: no one was coming to save us, and it was up to us to do the saving.From anxiety spirals to relationship red flags, we talk about the exact moments we knew we had to choose ourselves, and what it looked like to actually do that. The work wasn’t cute, but it was necessary.Plus, we get into some of the random things we just don’t like: from trying to work in coffee shops to other icks we can’t unsee.**As promised, HERE’s the clip of Leticia James delivering her powerful speech (mentioned at 00:02:30) ....WE HAVE A GIFT FOR OUR LISTENERS!Walking Meditation StorytimeJournal Prompt SheetRATE, REVIEW + FOLLOW US:IG @howtobrealTikTok @howtobrealYouTube @HowToBRealPERSONALS:Tasha's IG @thetashabTay's IG @justsay_taySEND US A LISTENER LETTER: heyhowtobereal@gmail.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howtobreal.substack.com