Widowed AF: Real stories of love, grief and beyond - With Rosie Moss

Natalie was just two years old when her mum, Elaine, died by suicide at only 26.She grew up without memories of her mum and, perhaps even harder, without anyone really talking about her. Natalie learned very young that her mum was a subject best avoided. She didn’t even discover how she had died until she was 13.In this incredibly open conversation, Natalie talks to Rosie about what that silence did to her. The anger. The risk-taking. The desperate need to understand where she came from. The years spent searching for someone to blame, including her mum, her dad and eventually herself.Becoming a mother brought much of that buried grief crashing back to the surface. When her own children reached the age she had been when Elaine died, Natalie became terrified that history might somehow repeat itself.Years later, during an extraordinarily dark period in her own life, Natalie attempted to take her own life.Surviving changed something. For the first time, she began to understand how her mum might have reached a place where dying felt like the only option. And with that understanding came forgiveness, not just for Elaine, but eventually for herself.Rosie and Natalie talk candidly about maternal suicide, addiction, shame, motherhood, inherited trauma and the complicated reality of loving someone who died by suicide. They also explore the enormous pressure placed on those left behind to spot the “signs”, the fear many parents have about asking for help when they are struggling, and what happens when the support people desperately need simply isn’t there.They also talk about children. When do you tell a child that their parent died by suicide? What words do you use? How do you give them the truth without making that truth something frightening or shameful?Natalie was raised in silence. She has chosen to raise her own children very differently.And after growing up feeling as though her mum had almost been erased, she made herself a promise: people would know her name.Her name was Elaine.This is a raw, funny, painful and deeply important conversation about what suicide leaves behind, how grief can echo through generations, and what can happen when we finally start talking about the things families have been too frightened to say out loud.TikTok: @therantingmaInstagram: @natalie_rantingmaSupport CALMWidowed AF is currently fundraising for CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) and its work to prevent suicide and support those affected by it.Rosie’s JustGiving page:https://www.justgiving.com/page/rosie-moss-1Find out more about CALM and access support:https://www.thecalmzone.net/Content warning: This episode contains detailed discussion of suicide, suicidal thoughts and a suicide attempt, as well as alcohol misuse and difficult childhood experiences.If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.

Say the Word: Suicide, Survival & the People Left Behind with CALM’s Michael JarvisWhat happens when we stop being afraid to say the word suicide?This week, Rosie is joined by Michael Jarvis from CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) for a conversation about suicide, the people left behind, and why talking openly could help save a life.Michael comes to the conversation from both sides. He works in suicide prevention, but he also knows the devastation of suicide loss personally. In 2016, his close friend Matt died by suicide at just 23. Matt was the loud one, the funny one, the friend who filled a room and grabbed life by the horns. His death landed like a bomb in their friendship group and changed the course of Michael’s life.Rosie and Michael talk about the questions that can haunt those left behind: Were there signs? Should I have known? Could I have done something? They explore the guilt, anger, confusion and isolation that can make suicide bereavement so uniquely complicated, as well as the unexpected ways grief can reshape friendships and futures.They also tackle one of the biggest fears around suicide: if we ask someone directly whether they are suicidal, could we put the idea into their head?Michael explains why asking the question can instead create a safe space for someone to tell the truth, and why you don't need to be a mental health professional to notice that something isn't right, start a conversation and help someone find support.From talking side-by-side rather than face-to-face, to choosing the right moment, creating a safety plan and knowing what to do if somebody says, “Actually, no, I'm not okay,” this is a practical conversation as much as an emotional one. Michael also shares the tools and support available through CALM for people experiencing suicidal thoughts, those worried about someone they love, and those bereaved by suicide.And, because this is still Widowed AF, there is dark humour, marathon chat, an unexpected cat appearance and plenty of swearing along the way.Most importantly, this episode is about bringing suicide out of the darkness and into conversation. Because sometimes asking an uncomfortable question could be the beginning of somebody feeling less alone.Support CALMThroughout September, Widowed AF is taking part in CALM’s Stay Tuned campaign, raising money to support its suicide prevention work. If you’d like to donate, you can support Rosie’s fundraiser here:Rosie’s CALM fundraiser:https://www.justgiving.com/page/rosie-moss-1For information, practical resources and support from CALM:CALM:https://www.thecalmzone.net/Content warning: This episode contains frank discussion of suicide, suicidal thoughts and suicide bereavement. If you are affected by anything discussed, please seek support. In an immediate emergency, call 999.

Content warning: cancer, death, end-of-life care, child bereavement and serious illness.Twenty-four years ago, Sharon Rosenbloom’s husband Simon died from cancer, leaving her with two young children and a life she had never imagined having to live without him.Today, Sharon is a bereavement therapist, coach and author of Widowed With Kids. But before we get to everything she has learned since Simon died, we go right back to the beginning.Sharon and Simon met on a blind date she nearly didn’t go on. She spilled his Diet Coke all over him, somehow didn’t put him off, and he went on to drive from Surrey to North London night after night just to see her.Both had already survived major health scares before they met. Simon had undergone major surgery following pancreatic cancer, while Sharon survived a brain tumour at just 26 after initially being sent home with what doctors thought was a virus.Together they built a family and had Sophie and Oliver.Then Simon became ill again.Secondary cancer was discovered, followed by chemotherapy, a precious family trip to Disneyland Paris, sepsis, a rapid deterioration and hospice care at the end.And then Sharon had to work out how to raise two grieving children while grieving herself.Sophie was seven. Oliver was five and had complex additional needs, meaning his understanding of his dad’s death unfolded very differently. Every day he would ask, “When’s Daddy coming ding dong?”, waiting for Simon to come home.We talk about children grieving in completely different ways, the advice Sharon was given not to cry in front of them and why she now believes the opposite. We also discuss children and funerals, solo parenting, family support and the sheer practical weight of becoming the only adult responsible for everything.Simon’s funeral took place on Father’s Day. Afterwards, Sophie would give Sharon cards telling her:“You’re my mum and my dad.”And Sharon says that is exactly what she became.What makes this conversation particularly special is the length of the view. Twenty-four years later, Sharon can tell us what happened next.There were relationships, mistakes, difficult lessons, training in counselling and coaching, writing Widowed With Kids, supporting other bereaved people and eventually learning how to be genuinely happy in her own company.This is an episode about raising grieving children, becoming mum and dad, surviving the years that follow and discovering that while widowhood may stay with you, life keeps growing around it.Take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode of Widowed AF, Rosie speaks with Reshma Kearney, a US-based mum of three, trauma-informed yoga teacher and grief advocate, whose husband Sean died by suicide in September 2022.Sean was an orthopaedic surgeon, a lieutenant colonel in the US Army, a dad, husband, outdoorsman and high achiever. He had also lived for years with periods of depression, anxiety, anger and increased alcohol use.But when he died, Reshma wasn’t expecting it.There was no obvious final downward spiral. No neat collection of warning signs. Sean had recently left the military, started a new job and moved with his family to the Seattle area to begin the “forever” life they had spent years working towards. He had plans. He had a fishing trip booked.And then, on Friday 30 September 2022, he died by suicide.Reshma talks candidly about the shock of his death and the extraordinary moment she had to tell their three children, then aged 10, eight and seven, that their dad had died. With the help of a volunteer police chaplain, she made the decision to tell them the truth from the very beginning.She shares the simple but powerful way she explained depression to them, describing a mind in which illness had taken away the brightness and filled it with darkness, and why she believes honest, age-appropriate conversations about suicide can help children feel safer, rather than more frightened.Rosie and Reshma also talk about something much harder to say: what if a suicide simply wasn’t preventable at the point at which it happened?Reshma explains why the language of Suicide Prevention Month can be painful for those left behind, particularly when it seems to place responsibility on families to recognise the right signs, say the right thing or somehow save the person they love.Because sometimes people do ask. Sometimes families do see someone struggling. Sometimes they desperately try to get them help. And sometimes the person still dies.They discuss the barriers that can prevent people, particularly men in high-stakes professions and military environments, from seeking mental-health support. Sean feared that therapy, medication or admitting he was struggling could appear on his record, affect his career or make him look weak.Reshma also speaks about the judgement that still surrounds suicide, the cruel comments she receives online, why she sometimes deliberately leaves them visible, and the uncomfortable reality that stigma is still very much alive.There’s also an honest conversation about parenting after traumatic bereavement, watching three children grieve in three completely different ways, and the hypervigilance that can come with knowing that your children have already experienced something you desperately wish you could have protected them from.And ultimately, there is acceptance.As Reshma beautifully puts it: “Acceptance does not mean the same thing as preference.”She can accept that Sean died. She can accept that he died by suicide. That does not mean she wanted this life. Instead, she is choosing to honour the 17 years they shared, the three children they created and the man he was, while speaking openly about the reality of his death.A quick production note: due to a technical hiccup at our end, we sadly lost the video recording of this conversation. The audio survived, thankfully, and this was far too important a conversation not to share. So this week, Widowed AF is going slightly old school: podcast for your ears rather than your eyes.This is a conversation about suicide, but it is also about honesty, stigma, motherhood, mental health, grief and what happens when we stop looking for someone to blame.As Reshma says at the end of the episode:Hold grace. For yourself, and for other people. We never really know what somebody else is carrying.Content note: This episode contains detailed discussion of suicide, suicidal thoughts, mental illness and bereavement. Please listen with care and seek appropriate support if you need it.

Content warning: sudden death, fatal road collision, bereavement, anxiety and depression.Paula Thomas had spent years knowing that her husband Jeff’s job carried risk.He was an active-duty US Navy submariner. There were long deployments, months without contact and the strange reality of loving someone whose job sometimes took him beneath the ocean for months at a time.But when the knock at the door finally came, it wasn’t because of something that had happened at sea.Jeff had gone out for an afternoon motorcycle ride with friends from the Navy. His own bike was in the shop, so he asked Paula if he could borrow hers.She said yes.It was a decision she would inevitably revisit after he was killed in a collision later that day. But Paula doesn't regret it. Because saying no would have meant allowing fear to dictate their marriage, and that simply wasn't who they were.In this episode, Paula brings Jeff properly into the room.We hear about the sweet, slightly awkward boy she met in high school, the hours they spent driving around talking, the man she eventually drove to the Navy recruiting station herself, and the husband whose steadiness helped her through years of anxiety and depression.We also talk about the terrible mechanics of sudden death. The knock at the door. The uniforms. The instinctive search for another explanation. The woulda, coulda, shoulda that follows when someone dies doing something you could theoretically have stopped them from doing.And Paula tells me what happened in the final seconds of Jeff's life.Realising a truck was turning across his path, Jeff used precious seconds to warn the motorcyclist behind him. That rider stopped just inches from the vehicle. His wife was pregnant at the time.Jeff almost certainly saved his life.But this isn't only an episode about how Jeff died. It's about how Paula has continued to live.She talks about returning to riding, finding tiny daily reasons to get off the sofa, getting her dog Phoenix, allowing herself to love again, and carrying Jeff with her into the life she is still building.And she shares the piece of motorcycle advice that became a philosophy for surviving grief:Look through the turn.You don't pretend the hazard isn't there. You don't ignore it. But you don't stare at it so hard that it becomes the only place you can go.You acknowledge it, and then you look towards where you're going next.This is a conversation about love, fear, guilt, survival and what it means to keep moving when the road ahead looks nothing like the one you thought you were on.Take care of yourselves, and each other.If this episode resonated with you, please follow Widowed AF, rate and review the podcast.