Love, Dating and Chaos

Content warning: This episode is for adults (18+) only. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the chaos that is dating — the frustrations, the patterns, the disappointments, the occasional glimmers of hope — and how many of us, especially in the straight dating world, seem to be stuck in this endless loop of confusion. So it got me wondering: Are these struggles — the ghosting, the miscommunication, the emotional unavailability — just part of the straight dating experience? Or is this something that crosses the board, no matter who you love or how you identify? Is it possible that dating is actually easier — or at least different — in the queer community? Or is it just a whole different set of challenges? I didn’t want to make assumptions. So, I did what any curious, slightly frustrated person would do: I called up a few of my queer friends — people I trust, who live and love honestly — and I asked them some questions. I have MANY questions. Let’s get into it. Podcast page on Jacaranda FM

*Content warning* In this episode, we cover topics including sex, mental health, grief, cannibalism, and a whole lot more. So if you're listening around little ears—or you’re not in the mood for some very real, very raw conversation—maybe hit pause and come back when the time’s right. This episode is for adults (18+) only. Now, onto the good stuff. In this episode, I’m joined by one of my favourite humans on the planet: Danny Painter. Danny is someone who gets me. She understands the chaos, the heartbreak, the healing, and everything in between, because she’s been on her own journey too. She shows up with honesty, vulnerability, and zero filter in the best way. She’s raw. She’s real. She’s warm. She’s wildly talented. And above all, she’s just an authentically great human being. It’s truly my greatest pleasure to sit down with my friend, my peer, and someone I deeply admire—Danny Painter. Podcast page on Jacaranda FM

You know, I’m always talking about dating and how messy it is, and love — and how messy that is too. But really, there’s also a silver lining. And that, of course, is marriage. Someone I really look up to — who’s done really well at this marriage thing — is Jacaranda FM colleague, Gerda de Sousa. I want to figure out: how does she do it? It’s been many years, they’re still very much in love, they’ve got a kid… I just want to know how. Because sometimes, you’ve got to learn from the people who are in the trenches. (Not that marriage is a trench. Anyway, moving on.) In this episode: 00:00 Welcome to Love, Dating and Chaos 00:22 Introducing Gerda de Sousa 00:47 The tweezer trick 01:24 Marriage tricks and solutions 02:31 Tony's hidden vacuum cleaner 03:45 Marriage realities and reflections 03:55 Philicity's marriage story 05:10 The amicable divorce 05:59 The challenges of marriage and parenthood 07:44 The importance of familiarity in marriage 10:59 The beginning of Philicity and Tony's relationship 14:58 The wedding and family dynamics 20:09 Philicity's reflections on motherhood 21:40 The impact of parenthood on relationships 23:33 Philicity's personal growth and dating advice 25:52 Navigating love and loneliness 27:42 Challenges of modern parenting 29:49 Marriage: the good, the bad, and the funny 36:55 Finding the right partner 45:10 The importance of financial discussions 46:33 Final thoughts and gratitude Podcast page on Jacaranda FM

This week, I thought to myself—there are a few people who really know me. And then there are two young women who know me the wellest (yes, I know that’s not a word… but we’re going with it). I’m talking about my daughters, Simone and Zhara, 22 and 20. Becoming a mom to them shaped who I am as a person. So I thought, why not sit down with them and pick their brains about something a little personal: me—and specifically, me dating. We talk about my dating life, my experiences, and yes, even my marriage. (If you didn’t know, I was married. We’ve been divorced for a long time now.) I figured it would be fine—because they love me. And also, they kind of have to be nice to me… I’m their mom. We can only hope. Podcast page on Jacaranda FM

This week’s episode is all about audacity. The audacity to speak your truth. The audacity to go after what your heart really wants—even if it’s messy, complicated, or unexpected. Joining me is Shantelle Engelbrecht, who does exactly that. She’s the force behind Coloured Girls Rock, an incredible Facebook community that’s grown into something massive. It’s a space for the coloured community—men, women, kids—to share, support, and sometimes spill the wildest stories you’ve ever heard. We talk about being bold, honest, and unafraid to want more. Because honestly, why deny what your heart wants? Why pretend you’re fine when you’re not? Sometimes, if you’re lucky—and just a little bit brave—you might even change your mind. Let’s see where this one takes us. In this episode: 00:00 Introduction to Love, Dating and Chaos 00:08 The audacity to speak your truth 01:09 Challenges in dating within the Coloured community 02:59 Personal dating experiences and preferences 06:28 The five slot dating system 08:52 Hilarious and horrifying dating stories 17:04 Swimming dates and makeup 17:30 Tinder adventures in Cape Town 18:09 Dealing with online criticism 19:42 A memorable Tinder date 23:35 Dating preferences and red flags 27:07 Green flags and dating standards 29:06 Final thoughts on dating 31:22 Conclusion and podcast wrap-up Podcast page on Jacaranda FM

When we think about dating apps or matchmaking services, our minds usually go to the big international names. But what about platforms built specifically for us? For South Africans? This week, we’re looking a little closer to home. In this episode of Love, Dating and Chaos, I put on my investigator hat—think Sherlock Holmes or Angela Lansbury, but the African edition—and find out if we as South Africans date differently. Because yes, while there are tons of global platforms out there, there are also homegrown options designed with South Africans in mind. I’m joined by two incredible women who have made a career out of hitching people up. First up is Lieze Wolfaardt, the founder of Smooches, a proudly South African dating app that takes a more thoughtful approach to matching. Then I speak to Michelle De Lange from Mingle—who is, wait for it, a real-life matchmaker. Not an algorithm, not a swipe. An actual human helping other humans find love. Imagine that. And just to round things out, I’ve got a story from Xola Ntshinga, who shares his own very weird experience. In this episode: 00:00 Welcome to Love Dating and Chaos 00:23 Exploring South African Dating Apps 01:05 In-Depth with Lieze Wolfaardt from Smooches 02:07 The Realities of Online Dating 04:12 Personal Experiences and Insights 07:37 Challenges of Modern Relationships 15:14 Story Time: A Man's Perspective on Dating Apps 19:10 Interview with Matchmaker Michelle De Lange 24:26 The Last Straw: Deciding to Move On 25:35 Explaining Infidelity to Children 26:39 Advice for Parents in Troubled Relationships 27:36 Empowering Women in the Dating World 28:24 Challenges of High-Powered Women in Dating 29:18 Men's Preferences and Dating Dynamics 30:27 The Importance of Compatibility 33:30 Personal Dating Experiences and Lessons 35:23 Red Flags and Green Flags in Relationships 42:41 Safety Tips for Modern Dating Podcast page on Jacaranda FM

* Mature content advisory * This whole podcast is about love, dating, and the chaos that comes with it. Not just in my life, but in other people's lives too. I'm trying to figure out where I might be going wrong, where I should be looking, what I should be doing, and what people are actually looking for. I'm part of a WhatsApp group. Who isn't? (That's a whole other podcast.) I thought to myself, you know what, let me throw it out there. I’ll do a bit of a case study and talk to people I don’t know that well about love, dating, and all the trials we go through. Luckily for me, Geordie and Nirin reached out and came to chat about their experiences in the dating world. Of course, I had to get a guy’s perspective too. It wouldn’t be fair if it was just women ganging up on the guys. Maybe we as girls are doing something wrong. Anyway, let’s see. Coming up in this episode: 00:00 Introduction to Love, Dating, and Chaos 01:01 Personal Dating Struggles and Reflections 01:27 Challenges of Dating with Children 04:45 The Quest for Peace in Relationships 07:54 Dating Younger Partners 09:59 A Story from Philicity's Love Life 14:15 Online Dating Adventures 15:34 The Awkward Date Scenario 15:43 Dating Rules and Boundaries 16:36 Modern Dating Challenges 17:08 The Chicken Wings Incident 17:51 Transactional Relationships 22:26 The Importance of Communication 24:59 Physical Preferences in Dating 28:28 Concluding Thoughts on Relationships Podcast page on Jacaranda FM

I’ve tried dating apps to see what’s out there. I usually go in hopeful, thinking there must be someone for me. Apparently, there’s not. But I don’t think the problem is me - I think people are messy. Some of them probably shouldn’t be dating at all. Luckily, I have a great bestie—Stacey Norman. She’s a long-term relationship kind of girl, a true serial dater. I’ve always admired that. She’s dated, I haven’t - and I’ve started to wonder: is it me? What am I doing wrong? So I asked her. I needed honest feedback from someone who knows and loves me. Ideally, she tells me it’s not me, men suck - and oh, she’s found me a boyfriend. Let’s hold thumbs. Coming up in the episode: 00:00 Introduction and Personal Dating History 01:21 The Evolution of Dating 01:47 Best Friend's Perspective 03:36 Analysing Past Relationships 14:39 The Challenges of Modern Dating 15:58 Dating App Strategies 17:51 Setting Boundaries and Expectations 18:55 Rules for Online Dating 19:10 The Seven-Day Rule 19:33 First Impressions and Judgments 20:34 A Memorable First Date 23:51 Self-Realisation and Intentions 25:32 The Fear of Vulnerability 30:46 A New Relationship Perspective 37:33 Trusting Your Gut 41:27 Final Thoughts and Reflections Podcast page on Jacaranda FM

Get ready! Love, Dating and Chaos with Philicity Reeken launches 15 May, 2025! Podcast page on Jacaranda FM