Autism Dadcast

Fifty episodes in, and last week we asked for one thing: a party that would put a proper plan for SEND families on the table. This week, one did.Gaz and Andy start with the Oxford Half Marathon and the £1,360 you helped raise for Ambitious About Autism, including one anonymous £700 that took the pressure right off. Thank you, whoever you are.Then a listener in our Discord sent in Restore Britain's new SEND policy, and we read it line by line. A lot of it is common sense. Help without needing a diagnosis first. Timely assessments. An end to the postcode lottery. Units inside mainstream schools as well as more specialist schools. A big push on practical, hands-on learning, because school isn't for everybody, and some of the kids who got written off as trouble are running their own firms thirty years on.Some of it raises hard questions. Who decides there is overdiagnosis? Who decides what a "genuine" disability is? Gaz puts it plainly: if you think there's overdiagnosis, show us the evidence. Andy makes the case for paying for help early, before a child who got none ends up somewhere far more expensive.This is not an endorsement of any party. It is two dads asking every party to do the same thing: talk to the families it affects, and show us how it's costed.Then, because last week got serious, your funniest stories. The dad on a work call who got handed something that wasn't a toy. The naked trip down the soft play slide. A lesson in what rhymes with duck. And the half-hour drive for Thomas's sausages that ended on the kitchen floor.Timestamps00:00 Cold open00:19 Intro00:27 Back from the Oxford Half, and £1,360 raised04:04 The Indi app, and why we said yes08:46 What we're wearing10:13 A party finally publishes a SEND policy12:42 Overdiagnosis: who decides?14:01 Help without needing a diagnosis first14:50 Timely assessments and the postcode lottery16:00 More specialist schools, and units in mainstream17:03 School isn't for everybody19:12 The line that will divide people24:15 Pay now, or pay for prisons later25:30 Judging a party on one issue29:18 Politically homeless32:04 Your funny stories32:36 The dad on the work call36:30 What rhymes with duck38:17 Backup sausages39:45 You think it's only happening to you40:52 Studio news, guests, and the bookIndi app: use code ADC40 for 40% off your first three months after the free trial.Gaz and Andy are two dads raising autistic children, talking about the bits nobody else says out loud.Link tree in bio.

Some families are now facing a two-year minimum wait just to be assessed for autism. Around 295,000 people are on the waiting list in England. A private clinic can do it in weeks, if you can pay.Gaz and Andy start with the "golden ticket" debate. The diagnosis opens the door to support, so what happens to the families who cannot afford to skip the queue? Andy remembers the first time he filled in the benefits form for Lydia, writing down her worst day when every instinct as a parent was to build her up. Andy asks how often a private assessment ever says no, and Gaz looks it up while they record. Nobody is tracking it.Then school. A new study links exclusion to worse mental health later on, and there is a big difference between a child who won't behave and a child who can't cope. Two hundred million pounds of new teacher training sounds good, but knowing what autism is and knowing what to do when a child will not walk into the classroom are two very different things. Andy says something he never expected to say: he feels lucky that Lydia's needs are so profound, because the children in between are the ones still fighting to be believed.Along the way: feeling politically homeless as SEND parents, the petition that went past 100,000, and a fear only an autism parent would have. Not what is causing the power cut, but how you get your child through it. Gaz rings home in the middle of recording to sort it.And the National Autistic Society now says autism is genetic. So why do so many of us still lie awake asking whether it was something we did?Timestamps00:00 Cold open00:13 Intro00:22 A week that flew by01:13 A two-year minimum wait for an autism assessment02:02 295,000 people on the waiting list03:12 The diagnosis as a "golden ticket"05:13 The form that makes you describe your child's worst day07:11 Private diagnosis: how often does it say no?09:03 Does money buy a faster route to support?10:19 "She's fine at school. It's at home she isn't."12:07 School exclusion: won't behave, or can't cope?14:34 "Would you mind not bringing your child in today?"16:20 £200 million for SEND teacher training19:30 "I feel lucky her needs are so profound"22:33 The teenager nobody believes23:45 Politically homeless27:39 What a real SEND policy would look like34:33 The petition that went past 100,00041:31 Stockpiling, and a power cut with an autistic child45:39 Gaz rings home mid-episode48:02 The National Autistic Society says autism is genetic50:50 "Was it something we did?"52:34 UK, US, Australia: everyone is waiting53:29 Mailing list, guests, the studio and the Discord55:25 The Oxford Half Marathon, and the fundraiser we forgotGaz and Andy are two dads raising autistic children, talking about the bits nobody else says out loud.Everything we do is in the link tree in our bio.

Not the episode we planned to record.This week a three year old went missing from a playground in Suffolk and was found in a pond the next day. He was non-verbal, partially deaf and on the autism pathway. Thirteen hundred members of the public joined the search.This is not an investigation, and it is not a judgement on a devastated family. It is about a danger that thousands of families live with every single day and almost nobody is warned about: elopement.Elopement is when an autistic person leaves a safe space, a responsible adult or a supervised area without the knowledge or agreement of the person supporting them. It can look like bolting, slipping silently through an exit, following a strong interest, or getting away from something overwhelming. It is not naughtiness. It is not defiance. It is not proof that a parent does not care. And it is not something a child stops doing because you call their name.The numbers are hard to read. Forty-nine percent of autistic children aged four to ten have tried to leave at least once, four times the rate of their own brothers and sisters. Fifty-three percent went missing long enough to cause real alarm. The average time missing is 41.5 minutes. Sixty-five percent had a close call with traffic. Autistic children are 160 times more likely to die from drowning than other children.Gaz and Andy talk about their own near misses, why "never take your eyes off them" is useless advice, what actually lowers the risk, and the one warning every parent should be given on the day of diagnosis and never is.Replace judgment with awareness, and awareness with action.Timestamps00:00 Not the episode we planned04:30 Absconding, eloping, wandering: none of the words fit05:11 Ten seconds, and a barefoot run down the street08:19 Nobody tells you this on the day of diagnosis09:05 What elopement actually is, in plain English09:56 Calling their name does not stop them11:35 What pulls them: water, traffic, trains, and the way out13:47 Forty-nine percent, four times the rate, 41.5 minutes15:27 160 times more likely to drown16:27 Swimming lessons, and the risk they can create17:34 Reins, biting, and the grandparent problem19:30 The mental load: scanning gates, exits, roads and water21:28 "Never take your eyes off them"22:39 Safety comes in layers26:39 "Watch harder", trackers, and what they cannot do30:26 Why people reach for blame33:23 What families can actually do38:06 The photograph you take before you leave the house41:55 If your child goes missing, call 999 straight away44:32 Should elopement risk be written into an EHCP?48:17 Thank you to thirteen hundred people49:47 Replace judgment with awarenessFor Noah.Everything we do is in the link tree in our bio.

Andy put a post up asking autism parents to name the one fear they have never said out loud. 858 people answered, and 103 of them said almost exactly the same thing.So we sat down and read them. Not the tidy ones, the ones people only admit when nobody can see their name next to it. Mourning the child you thought you were getting. Envying families who can wake up and just go somewhere. Feeling like you are managing your child rather than enjoying them. Wondering, honestly, what your life would look like if this had gone differently.And underneath nearly all of them, the same question that every one of us circles back to at three in the morning: what happens to them after I am gone.If you have ever had a thought you were ashamed of, this episode is 858 people telling you that you are not the only one who has had it.Timestamps00:00 Cold open00:13 Intro00:39 The Indi app and a summer of tracking02:25 The post that got 858 replies03:33 The child you thought you were getting07:12 Watching other families do the ordinary12:38 "It's not a superpower, and I'm tired of pretending"16:00 Neuro spicy, and who gets to pick the words23:11 Managing, not living26:33 What it costs the other children30:52 The fear nobody says out loud32:47 What happens when I die42:42 Studio news, guests, and the fantasy league47:13 Why we now support a Serie B team in ItalyGaz and Andy are two dads raising autistic children, talking about the bits nobody else says out loud.Link tree in bio.

Robbie Williams announced at 52 that he is autistic, and said he has "a little bit of autism". Within a day the community had split over the phrasing.Gaz and Andy use it as a way into the question that keeps coming back. If one word covers Robbie Williams, and the same word covers Lydia, who is five, non-verbal and working with Makaton cards, does it still tell anyone anything? And if it doesn't, would splitting autism into levels help, or would it quietly move support away from the families already fighting hardest to get it?Along the way, Lydia brings her mum her shoes and says ""Daddy"" for the first time. Thomas drops his communication card in a packed Aldi, and two strangers know exactly what it is.Timestamps00:00 Robbie Williams, 52, and ""a little bit of autism""07:42 Has the word ""autism"" stopped meaning anything?09:23 ""I have to explain that she's not Robbie Williams""11:25 What levels would do to the families in the middle14:03 ""Mild"" autism, and who gets to decide it's mild16:25 Making profound autism visible enough to change policy18:16 Lydia brings her shoes and says ""Daddy""20:26 A spectrum ""widened to the point of collapse""21:53 Private clinics, and the money behind a diagnosis22:54 Should the diagnosis just be the starting point?25:21 Why is the EHCP process still on paper?26:58 The enemy isn't another autistic family30:11 Does ""autism"" tell you enough about the person?32:12 The autism community police35:04 ""Thomas isn't suffering. I am.""37:23 Aldi, and the stranger who knew what the card was for41:27 Who would be in charge of drawing the lines?44:23 If it's already split where you live, tell us how it works47:21 The autism dads' night out51:07 Country Fest, and two men judging dogsLink tree in bio.