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Description
A fan-made actual play podcast from a chaotic group of friends who’ve been gaming together since 2021. We play D&D, Middle Earth, Pirate Borg, Deadlands, Cthulhu, and more—badly. Rules come second, fun comes first. Expect dice rolls, dumb choices, and a lot of laughs. This is our escape, and hopefully yours too. We’re not affiliated with any publishers, everything we do is rooted in love and respect for the brilliant creators who build these worlds. We’re just grateful tourists passing through..
Swearing, nonsense, and critical failures ahead. Welcome to the Guild of Inept Adventurers!
Swearing, nonsense, and critical failures ahead. Welcome to the Guild of Inept Adventurers!
43 Episodes
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Deadlands: The Devil’s Due, Ep3 “Fork Me!”Life on the Lazy S shows no signs of slowing down as the posse juggle ranch work, strange visitors, and their first taste of real danger.Red helps Hank track down his missing horse — only to discover it’s very drunk. Phillipe finally achieves a spiritual (and deeply unsettling) bond with Devil Eyes, while Harry walks Amos through the miracles… and horrors… of cow birth. Ruby, meanwhile, expresses her romantic desire for a good fork.Things turn deadly when the posse face their first combat encounter — a terrifying swarm of spiders. Steers are rescued, nerves are tested, and the ranch receives an unwelcome visit from goons linked to Bayou Vermillion. Just when things couldn’t get stranger, a mysterious figure named To’Sarre makes his presence known.Naturally, the day ends with a spot of shopping.The Weird West is opening up fast — and Sutter’s Flats is anything but quiet.
Deadlands: The Devil’s Due, Ep2 “Broncos, Booze, and Bowels”Justin returns as Marshal, leading Jo, Sam, Mark, and Ross deeper into the realities of ranching life in the Weird West.The posse roll up their sleeves and get stuck into honest work — breaking broncos, hauling supplies, and discovering just how unforgiving life on the range can be. Ross quickly learns that shooting while blind is even harder than advertised. Jo suffers the wrath of an ill-tempered horse. Sam bonds with a grizzled old-timer over shared whiskey and hard truths.Meanwhile, Mark puts his man servant to good use by dealing with a truly unspeakable ranch problem… involving one very sick cow.It’s sweat, swearing, and stomach-churning labour as the posse find out that ranching might be more dangerous than gunfights.
Deadlands: The Devil’s Due, Ep1 “Sutter’s Flats”The G.I.A. saddle up for the start of a long-awaited Deadlands campaign as Justin steps into the Marshal’s boots, guiding Ross, Jo, Sam and Mark through the dusty, dangerous world of the Weird West.The posse roll into the humble town of Sutter’s Flats, where they meet a mysterious priest, discuss facial hair and sign up for a cattle drive with the Lazy S, and immediately discover that ranching life is harder than it looks.Mark somehow acquires a manservant.Sam befriends the oldest man in the territory.Jo enthusiastically slaughters cattle.Ross, being blind, must literally feel his way through frontier living.It’s cattle, chaos, and questionable choices — all in a day’s work for the Guild of Inept Adventurers.
Those Dark Places – “The Sadist Awakens” Part 3 (ONE-SHOT)Frustration, horror and paranoia… and that’s just because Ross is GMing. His chaotic mind is fully unleashed in this three-part Those Dark Places special, where rules are “guidelines” and guidelines are “optional” because, well… Ross never reads them.Justin, Jo, Mark and the long-awaited return of Sam — baby in tow — answer a distress signal from a remote mining colony. Their mission: retrieve a simple sample. Easy. Except nothing is ever simple when Ross is behind the screen. As the crew delve deeper into the facility, they uncover unsettling clues, creeping dread, and rapidly mounting body horror.Prepare to learn exactly why he’s known as the Sadist… and why the crew may never trust a distress beacon again.
Those Dark Places – “The Sadist Awakens” Part 2 (ONE-SHOT)Frustration, horror and paranoia… and that’s just because Ross is GMing. His chaotic mind is fully unleashed in this three-part Those Dark Places special, where rules are “guidelines” and guidelines are “optional” because, well… Ross never reads them.Justin, Jo, Mark and the long-awaited return of Sam — baby in tow — answer a distress signal from a remote mining colony. Their mission: retrieve a simple sample. Easy. Except nothing is ever simple when Ross is behind the screen. As the crew delve deeper into the facility, they uncover unsettling clues, creeping dread, and rapidly mounting body horror.Prepare to learn exactly why he’s known as the Sadist… and why the crew may never trust a distress beacon again.
Those Dark Places – “The Sadist Awakens” Part 1 (ONE-SHOT)Frustration, horror and paranoia… and that’s just because Ross is GMing. His chaotic mind is fully unleashed in this three-part Those Dark Places special, where rules are “guidelines” and guidelines are “optional” because, well… Ross never reads them.Justin, Jo, Mark and the long-awaited return of Sam — baby in tow — answer a distress signal from a remote mining colony. Their mission: retrieve a simple sample. Easy. Except nothing is ever simple when Ross is behind the screen. As the crew delve deeper into the facility, they uncover unsettling clues, creeping dread, and rapidly mounting body horror.Prepare to learn exactly why he’s known as the Sadist… and why the crew may never trust a distress beacon again.
Call of Catthulhu – Breakfast at Catthulhu’s (ONE-SHOT)In a shocking turn of events, Jo finally takes the catherder’s chair and leads Ross, Mark, and Justin on a whisker-twitching breakfast adventure of cosmic proportions. There’s dark magic, mysterious leftovers, and a floating dog that really ties the basement together. Expect naps, questionable hygiene, and the eternal question: will they ever actually get fed?Bring your tea, stroke your pussies, and remember — in the world of Catthulhu, curiosity doesn’t just kill cats… it summons things.
Woodstock Cthulhu – “Cthulhustock ‘69” Part 2 (ONE-SHOT)Peace, love, and cosmic horror collide as Mark leads Justin, Ross, and Jo into the wild haze of Woodstock. The gang’s latest experiment in questionable chemistry goes horribly wrong, and they’ve got to recover their dodgy concoction before 400,000 festivalgoers meet a very noisy end. But beneath the music and mayhem, a darker rhythm stirs—something ancient and hungry, waiting to drop the ultimate track.Jo takes her top off, Ross shreds on his guitar, and Justin throws a sandal in defiance of the Old Ones. Will they save the crowd, or will Woodstock end in madness and blood?
Woodstock Cthulhu – “Cthulhustock ‘69” Part 1 (ONE-SHOT)Peace, love, and cosmic horror collide as Mark leads Justin, Ross, and Jo into the wild haze of Woodstock. The gang’s latest experiment in questionable chemistry goes horribly wrong, and they’ve got to recover their dodgy concoction before 400,000 festivalgoers meet a very noisy end. But beneath the music and mayhem, a darker rhythm stirs—something ancient and hungry, waiting to drop the ultimate track.Jo takes her top off, Ross shreds on his guitar, and Justin throws a sandal in defiance of the Old Ones. Will they save the crowd, or will Woodstock end in madness and blood?
Caveman Cthulhu – “Goo and Poo: A Caveman’s Tale” Part 2 (ONE-SHOT)The hunt for their lost tribe reaches its thrilling conclusion as the adventurers uncover the true evil behind the horrors of the land. Handsome Og flexes both muscle and bravado in a showdown with the final boss. Ten’ril calls upon the spirit of the boar with… surprising consequences. Meanwhile, Gadnar saves Tampon in heroic fashion before slipping into glorious madness. Will the tribe be saved, or will our prehistoric heroes fall into chaos forever?
Caveman Cthulhu – “Goo and Poo: A Caveman’s Tale” Part 1 (ONE-SHOT)Mark guides Justin, Jo, and the ever-unpredictable Ross back to the Paleolithic era in this prehistoric Caveman Cthulhu one-shot. Two humans and a lone Neanderthal set out to find their missing hunters, but soon face savage creatures beyond anything their tribe has ever known. Justin steps up as leader, Jo discovers the strange powers of ancient goo, and Ross—true to form—covers himself in shit. Will they survive the terrors of the ancient world, or become the next cave paintings on the wall?
Call of Cthulhu – Three Go Mad (and probably die) In Egypt (ONE-SHOT)In this special one-shot of Call of Cthulhu, Mark takes the Keeper’s chair to lead Justin, Ross, and Jo into the sands of 1924 Egypt. An ancient tomb hides secrets and treasure beyond imagination—but also something far more deadly. Ross attempts to ignite the mummy’s groin, Jo clings to her candle for dear life, and Justin takes immersion to new heights with a loincloth made of beef jerky. Will they escape with riches and sanity intact, or will they become just another layer of dust in the tomb?
One Ring: S1, Ep6 “Shaved Beavers”The Fellowship Phase begins! Mark guides Jo, Sam, Ross, and Justin through their very first downtime in Middle-earth. On the road to Bree, Jo takes charge of the company’s direction, Justin lifts spirits with a heartfelt travelling song, Sam scours the wilds for much-needed snacks, and Ross reforges his broken spear into a perilous dagger. Along the way, the party stumble into an unexpectedly deep discussion on the finer points of shaved beavers.
One Ring: S1, Ep5 “The Red-Eyed Ruckus” Part 2The community service continues… poorly.Fleeing a red-eyed beast across the Brandywine, our heroes brave the Bucklebury Ferry with all the grace of a sack of wet turnips. From there it’s on to Crickhollow and into the Old Forest, where not one but two of the creatures make their presence felt.Thankfully, a certain yellow-booted woodland weirdo has a solution: singing.Along the way, Justin collides testicles-first with fate, Jo earns a wound, Sam investigates shrubbery, and Ross names some enchanted murder-dogs.
One Ring: S1, Ep4 “The Red-Eyed Ruckus” Part 1The gang’s back—and this time, they’re behind bars. After one too many shenanigans around the Shire, our four hobbits find themselves starting their adventure in a jail cell. But salvation comes in the form of community service from the Mayor himself. Their mission? Deliver a letter to Farmer Maggot.What follows is a wholesome(ish) jaunt through the countryside featuring second-hand bicycles, a mysterious elf, and are unnecessarily generous number to squirrels.Mark helms the madness as Lore-master, with Justin, Ross, Sam, and Jo causing the usual trouble in part one of this two-part adventure.
One Ring: S1, Ep3 “The Firework Fiasco”In this One Ring episode, Mark leads Justin, Sam, Ross and Jo on a chaotic adventure through the Shire in search of Bilbo’s lost fireworks. There are jacket potatoes, a dangerous amount of cheese, and a surprising romantic development for Lobelia. Paladin misplaces—and rediscovers—his todger, and the group ends the day with their very first orc kill. Glorious.
One Ring: S1, Ep2 “The Hunt For Bullroarer’s Club”The Shire is full of secrets, and this time the G.I.A. are after a legendary relic! Lore Master Mark leads Justin, Ross, and Jo as they reprise their hobbit hijinks on a quest for the Bullroarer’s club. Expect hearty dinners, a flatulent rock troll with poor hygiene, and a mysterious search for a missing girl in the woods. Grab your walking sticks and your second breakfast—things are about to get wonderfully weird.
One Ring: S1, Ep1 “Shire Shenanigagans”In this special tale, Mark takes the reins as Loremaster, leading Sam, Justin, Ross, and Jo on a delightfully absurd adventure through the rolling hills of the Shire. Expect umbrella-riding, pint-guzzling, owl-chatting nonsense as the gang hunts down a misplaced Baggins family heirloom. There’s also a dog. And a sausage. We’ll leave the rest to your imagination.Unofficial, unsponsored, and undeniably idiotic — just how the G.I.A. likes it.
Pirate Borg: S1, Ep10 “Port Royal Rumble”It’s the mid-season finale of G.I.A.’s piratical escapades! With the riddle resolved, the undead megalodon isn’t done with the crew just yet. After barely surviving, they sail into Port Royal, where a plot to extort the islanders surfaces. Teaming up with the ever-shifty Lootin’ Lucy, they hatch a scheme to swipe the mysterious blood crystals. But before the heist, there’s a tavern brawl to contend with—where Captain Jiminy heroically powers up the enemy… then promptly falls asleep while getting his skull rattled. Could this really be the end of our fearless (ish) leader?
Pirate Borg: S1, Ep9 “MegaLOLodon”With Sam off having a baby, Justin takes the helm to lead Ross, Jo, Mark, and special guest George on a chaotic voyage through the dark Caribbean. After months lost at sea, the crew finally figure out how to level up—three times over. Along the way they befriend Sebastian the crab, stumble across cursed Incan treasure, and clash with the terrifying undead megalodon. But their greatest challenge might not be claws or teeth—it’s a riddle. Can George crack it and save the day?
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