The Shallow End

Some bad ideas take careful planning. Others apparently require a counterfeit money operation, Abraham Lincoln’s corpse, and absolutely no consideration for how much a lead-lined coffin weighs. This week on The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth, we travel back to 1876 for one of the strangest criminal schemes in American history: a gang of counterfeiters who decided the solution to their business problems was to steal Abraham Lincoln’s body and hold it for ransom. Unfortunately for them, their crew was crawling with government informants, their getaway plan had a few minor flaws, and even the Secret Service and Pinkerton detectives managed to make the night more chaotic than necessary. Then, we attend a Pittsburgh wedding reception where “for better or worse” gets put to the test almost immediately. A riverboat wedding, an allegedly handsy groom, a pregnant waitress, an angry boyfriend, an off-duty state trooper, a school board member, a shattered car window, and three arrests combine to create one unforgettable wedding night. Plus, a listener learns the hard way why garage doors, two-by-fours, and exposed nails should never be part of a DIY strategy. History proves it once again: people have been making questionable decisions for a very, very long time. The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth — where bad decisions make great stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A homesick teenager makes the worst travel decision in aviation history: in 1965, Brian Robson had friends nail him into a wooden crate and ship him from Australia toward Wales as air freight. When the crate is rerouted to Los Angeles—and turned upside down—his 36-hour plan becomes a horrifying four-day ordeal. Then, a legally blind, unlicensed Englishman with four bottles of wine in his system decides he absolutely must drive to Scotland. His navigation strategy? Follow the red taillights of a truck on the motorway… until he passes it. Two spectacularly bad plans. Two remarkably lucky endings. This is The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A stolen SUV chase in Florida takes an unexpected turn when a herd of dairy cows decides to assist law enforcement—herding a fleeing suspect straight toward the fence and into custody. Then, a solo sailor attempting to cross the Pacific from California to Hawaii loses his mast, fuel, navigation, and eventually his fresh water… yet somehow survives for more than six weeks using PVC pipe, kayak paddles, oatmeal, and sheer stubbornness. Plus: a listener’s lifelong, surprisingly consistent war with fire; a church mishap that looked suspiciously like an exorcism; and the deep-ocean phobia that makes even a cruise ship feel like a terrible idea. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A man drifts 23 miles into the Mediterranean on an inflatable mattress, armed with little more than a piece of wood and a wildly misplaced sense of confidence. Then, an aspiring bodybuilder develops an unconventional training regimen involving steroids, zero exercise and up to 24 beers a day—before wandering away from the competition to visit a pub. Plus, a listener learns why garage-door cables should never be cut with hedge clippers. It’s another collection of spectacularly poor decisions on this episode of The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A man goes looking for another drink and somehow ends up at the center of one of the most bizarre jewelry heists imaginable—complete with stolen construction equipment, a handful of gold, and possibly the least intimidating getaway vehicle in criminal history. Then, a woman in New Zealand suffers cardiac arrest in a supermarket parking lot and is miraculously revived by a passing stranger. But while paramedics are fighting to save her life, someone else is hard at work making sure she doesn’t escape the consequences of overstaying the 90-minute parking limit. Also, a listener shares an unforgettable story from his late uncle’s time as a Marine in Vietnam. It’s another collection of astonishingly poor decisions, bureaucratic absurdity, and the kind of true stories that could only be found in The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices