Transforming Us Podcast

In this episode, we dive into the vibrant world of the Enneagram 7, exploring how these adventurous spirits find joy and connection in their relationships. We sit down with relationship expert Christa Hardin, MA, who brings over 20 years of experience in clinical psychology and marriage research to the table.Christa shares insights from her "Glow Theory," explaining the fascinating patterns that emerge when couples' numbers come together. We discuss what happens when a pairing moves into "Glow"—operating from a place of health and connection—versus falling into "Shadow" dynamics. Christa also introduces an exciting new quiz designed for couples to explore their Enneagram types and instincts within the context of marriage. This is a fantastic addition to her best-selling book The Enneagram in Marriage.Whether she is writing, teaching, coaching, or vacationing with her family, Christa brings a sense of adventure and joy to everything she does. Integrating decades of work in the therapy room with deep Enneagram knowledge, she offers practical, faith-informed tools to help you understand your personality dynamics and build a lasting, meaningful connection.About Christa Hardin:Christa Hardin, MA, is a relationship expert and author of the best-selling book, The Enneagram in Marriage: Your Guide to Thriving Together in Your Unique Pairing, which details all 45 possible Enneagram pairings. A graduate of Wheaton College, she is the host of the Enneagram & Marriage Podcast—with over one million downloads—and will soon be releasing her second book focusing on the "Three Desires."Here are the links to connect with Christa Hardin and explore her resources:Website: EnneagramandMarriage.comApple Podcast: Enneagram & Marriage Podcast (also available on Spotify and other major platforms)Quiz for Couples: QuizForCouples.comInstagram: @enneagramandmarriageDiscover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusInterested in Shint Eyes Retreat?Check our Airbnb listings:Entire Retreat (sleeps 12)Cozy Cabin (sleeps 3)Shipping Container (sleeps 3)Geodesic Dome (sleeps 5)

In this episode, we explore the intersection of Christian spirituality and the Enneagram with spiritual director Marilyn Vancil. The conversation centers on the transformative journey from the Adapted Self—the version of us shaped by external expectations—to the Authentic Self, our true identity as a reflection of God’s image. Marilyn explains that the Enneagram is not a restrictive label but a powerful tool for inner freedom, helping us move beyond ego-driven patterns and toward a life centered with God.A significant focus is placed on the Enneagram Nine, specifically their struggle with self-identity and the vital role of emotional awareness. Marilyn highlights how acknowledging suppressed anger is a key catalyst for Nines to reclaim their presence. Through practices like centering prayer, listeners are invited to move beyond surface-level traits into a state of drawing toward the center of the enneagram. This process of recognition and formation allows for a more grounded life where our seeds can shed, then sprout and grow.The episode explores how these dynamics revolutionize our relationships. By recognizing the "adapted" versions of ourselves and others, we can navigate conflict with greater compassion and empathy. Marilyn outlines the stages of spiritual growth, illustrating how the Enneagram serves as a map for moving through patterns toward an integrated way of being. Whether seeking deeper self-discovery or a closer connection with Christ, this episode offers a roadmap for finding your true, authentic self.Connect with Marilyn: www.marilynvancil.comHer books: Self to Lose Self to Find & Beyond the EnneagramDiscover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.YouTube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingus

Have you ever felt like your worth is entirely tied to your last big win or how well you’re "performing" for the people around you? In this episode of Transforming Us, Jess sits down with the incredible Reverend Clare Loughrige to tackle that exact tension. For many of us—especially those who identify with the Enneagram Three—identity can easily get tangled up in what we do rather than who we are. Clare introduces us to the Enneagram Harmony Triad, a powerful tool that helps us move out of that trap by balancing our head, heart, and gut intelligence. This is Enneagram Harmony and integration.But how do we actually heal those deep-seated patterns that make us feel like we have to perform? Jess and Clare dive into the world of Attachment Theory and the wisdom of St. Ignatius to find wisdom. By approaching our past with compassion and curiosity, we can begin to see the Enneagram not just as a personality test, but as a sacred map for relational healing and soul-care.What if the most productive thing you could do for your spiritual life was actually to stop working? It sounds counterintuitive, but Clare argues that the radical practice of the Sabbath is the ultimate antidote to the pressure of constant productivity that a 3 feels. We wrap up the conversation by exploring how rest acts as a vital spiritual discipline for remembering who we truly are apart from our enneagram “edge” as she calls our false self patterns..About Our Guest: Rev. Clare Loughrige, MMin, is an author, IEA Accredited Enneagram professional, and Founder of Crossroads Soul Resources School of Spiritual Direction. A contemplative-activist and Lead Pastor since 1991, she integrates spiritual rhythms and justice advocacy to help leaders move toward interior freedom and their God-given design.Websiteshttps://clareloughrige.comhttps://ccmonline.orgEnneagram certificationhttps://scottandclareloughrige.org/enneagram-certification/Spiritual Direction Schoolhttps://scottandclareloughrige.org/school-of-spiritual-direction-2/Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingus

Today, Jess interviews Katy Beckham. She is a GIS Analyst, biologist, and certified Enneagram coach with two decades of experience. She hosts the We Are All Human Podcast and writes on Substack under the tag We Are All Human, focusing on the intersection of story, faith, and personal growth. Based in South Carolina, Katy is a wife and mother of three who is deeply dedicated to connecting with others through storytelling.We discuss how Enneagram 5s can move from "detached observation" to active participation in life. In this episode, Katy shares her journey of navigating the world through the lens of Type 5 Patterns. We explore the 5’s core fear of depletion and how resource management impacts high-demand seasons of motherhood and marriage. Katy offers a raw look at the Withdrawn Stance, providing strategies for remaining emotionally available for family while protecting the essential inner castle.We dive into Enneagram relationship patterns and attachment styles, discussing how her disorganized attachment has become secure in marriage, while building emotional security with her kids. We break down the Type 5 stress and growth arrows, learn how nature growth for a 5 is embodiment through nature and exercise helps Head Types bridge the gap between intellect and emotion, shifting from a posture of "avarice" to a trust in God’s presence. You don’t want to miss this episode packed with wisdom from Katy.Connect with Kay Beckham:Instagram https://www.instagram.com/weareallhumanpodcast/Substack (Podcast & Writing) https://substack.com/@weareallhumanpodcastWatch the We Are All Human Podcast: YouTube http://www.youtube.com/@weareallhumanpodcastListen to the We Are All Human Podcast on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/we-are-all-human/id1495864942Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

In this episode, Jess sits down with her husband, Travis Vangsnes, for an honest and deep-diving conversation into the inner world of an Enneagram 8. As a father of five and a passionate advocate within the foster care system, Travis opens up about the "big energy" that defines the Challenger and the constant internal battle with the Type 8 core lie: the belief that it is not okay to be weak or vulnerable. For any Eight searching for a way to lead without overwhelming others, or for those who love an Eight and want to understand the "why" behind the intensity, this episode serves as a roadmap for transformation.Jess and Travis explore the fascinating intersection of the Enneagram and Attachment Theory, specifically looking at how a Fearful-Avoidant attachment style can create a unique tug-of-war between a fierce need for independence and a deep longing for intimacy. They discuss the nuances of the One-to-one Subtype for an 8 and how that intense energy manifests in leadership, parenting, and their own marriage. This episode provides a rare look into the Type 4 and Type 8 relationship dynamic, highlighting how they navigate conflict, find balance, and move toward a secure connection by embracing vulnerability as a strength.The journey toward growth for an Eight involves shifting from a place of confrontation to a place of deep emotional awareness. Travis shares the spiritual practices that are currently transforming him, and the realization that he no longer has to be his own protector by leaning into the spiritual truth that he is safe in God’s care.Mentioned in this episode:Stay at our Shiny Eyes Airbnb Retreats: When we aren’t recording or advocating, we love hosting guests in our intentional spaces. Come find rest and connection at one of our retreats:Glamping Cozy Cabin [Link to Airbnb Retreat 1] Sleeps 3Glamping Container [Link to Airbnb Retreat 2] Sleeps 3Glamping Geodesic Dome [Link to Airbnb Retreat 3] sleeps 5Listen to Travis’s Podcasts:That’s So Rad https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/thats-so-rad/id1810887342 Cultivate the Ordinary https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cultivate-the-ordinary/id1725656621Foster Friendly Podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-foster-friendly-podcast/id1755210067Read one of Trav’s books:Redemptions Echo https://a.co/d/g8rDp6HShiny Eyes https://a.co/d/9kslwY3Connect with Travis: If you are a man (or know a man) who is looking for coaching to help navigate leadership patterns, Enneagram growth, or relationship dynamics, Travis works with individuals and leaders to help them find clarity and strength. You can reach him directly for coaching inquiries at travisvangsnes@gmail.com.Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

In this episode, hosts Tamara and Jess sit down with spiritual director Janine Westlund for a deep dive into the journey of transformation and self-discovery. Janine shares her 15-year Enneagram journey, including the pivotal moment five years ago when she realized her true authentic self as an Enneagram 4.For many Fours, the search for identity is often clouded by a core lie: the belief that they possess a "fatal flaw" or are fundamentally deficient. Janine opens up about the struggle of being misunderstood for uniqueness and the exhausting cycle of feeling like you are too much while simultaneously fearing you are not enough.In this deep-dive conversation, we explore the path of transformation by first dismantling the "fatal flaw," helping listeners navigate the deep-seated shame and the "core lie" of deficiency that often haunts the Type 4 soul. Janine, Tamara, and Jess discuss the powerful intersection of personality and attachment theory, shedding light on how our early relational patterns directly shape our spiritual formation. Janine advocates for the practice of "soul care" and spiritual direction as vital tools for dismantling old, self-limiting scripts and moving toward the True Self. We also walk through the Welcoming Prayer, a spiritual practice for releasing the need for control and welcoming to the presence and movement of God, which ultimately leads to the gift of the "Both/And." By moving away from the exhaustion of feeling like you are too much or the compulsion to "fix" ourselves, we open the door to authentic connection and the freedom of being misunderstood for uniqueness without losing our sense of belonging.Connect with Janine Westlund:Spiritual Direction & Soul Care: https://anamcara.com/Or email Janine at both.and.janine@gmail.comFollow Janine on Instagram: @jaywest1802Resources Mentioned in This EpisodeThe 40-Day Devotionals per Enneagram Type: https://www.amazon.com/Enneagram-Series-9-book-series/dp/B08VGPJTX6 – A targeted resource for Enneagram 4s (or other numbers) looking to integrate their faith and personality.The Soul Care Institute: https://www.soulcareinstitute.com/ – A community and curriculum focused on the rhythms of spiritual formation.The Welcoming Prayer: https://youtu.be/yIZexGqxiXQ?feature=shared – A practice of opening and consenting to God’s presence and action within.Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

What happens when your internal drive for perfection meets a deep-seated fear of disconnection? In this episode, we sit down with Anna to pull back the curtain on the complex internal world of an Enneagram Type One navigating an Anxious-Preoccupied attachment style, as well as working toward security.For many "Ones," the world is a series of things to be fixed, but for Anna, that drive for "rightness" often turns inward, manifesting as a relentless inner critic. When you layer that with an anxious attachment style, the stakes of every relationship and parenting decision feel incredibly high.In this episode, we explore:The Perfectionist’s Burden: How the Type One "Inner Critic" can turn anger into self-criticism and how that impacts emotional health.The Anxiety of Disconnection: Navigating the "Anxious-Preoccupied" spiral when relationships feel distant or expectations aren't met.Parenting with Pressure: The delicate balance of praising a child’s heart versus expecting perfection, and the fear of "getting it wrong."The Power of the Sabbath for a One: How practicing a literal day of rest has become a transformative tool for surrendering control in a busy, high-pressure life.A One’s need for physical resources to let go of anger.Finding "Goodness" in the Mess: Moving from a life of rigid standards to a life of deep connection, play, and spiritual peace.Whether you’re a fellow "reforming perfectionist" or someone trying to understand the anxious heart of a loved one who lives in the black and white vs gray, this conversation is a gentle reminder that you don't have to be perfect to be worthy of love."The journey isn't about silencing the inner critic; it's about learning that even when things aren't 'right,' we are still held."Interested in signing up for the Soul Care Companions Cohort? Click the link belowhttps://mailchi.mp/8d2a9df7cca2/soul-care_companions_cohortDiscover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

A Special Invitation: The Soul Care Companions Cohort 2025As we launch Season 2, we want to offer you more than just a podcast to listen to—we want to offer you a community to grow with. Today I am just dropping in with this invitation, and we will be sharing our first episode next week with my dear friend Anna Palmer Enneagram 1.Many of the struggles we discuss today—perfectionism, the need for control, and the feeling of isolation—are exactly what we address in our upcoming Soul Care Companions Cohort. This is a 9-week intentional journey designed to help your "inner being" finally breathe.What We’ll Practice Together:The Examen: Finding God’s small gifts in the mundane.Breath Prayers: Rhythms to find rest when life feels hurried.Meditative Scripture: Slowing down to see what surfaces when we aren't "performing" for the text.The Journey through Henri Nouwen’s Reaching Out:Following the wisdom of Henri Nouwen, we will journey through three essential spiritual shifts:From Loneliness to Solitude: Moving from isolation to a grounded heart.From Hostility to Hospitality: Moving from "defensive bracing" to a welcoming presence.From Illusion to Prayer: Letting go of the "illusion of control" and reaching toward God.The Logistics:When: Every Friday, Feb 6th – April 3rd (Leading us through the season of Lent).Where: Online via Zoom at 7:00 PM ET.Investment: $20 for Week 1 (The total commitment is an additional $160, which can be split into two monthly payments of $80).How to Register: click here https://mailchi.mp/8d2a9df7cca2/soul-care_companions_cohortSend your $20 deposit via Venmo to @jessica-vangsnes.Once confirmed, you will receive the official meeting link and cohort details via email."The journey of soul care isn't about adding more to your to-do list; it’s about creating an 'open space' where you are finally free to be loved as you are."Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

The playful spark that started it all often gets buried under life's demands. But what if the key to a healthy, resilient romantic partnership is simply remembering to be friends?Join Tamara and Jess as they dive into the vital significance of cultivating a rhythm of friendship, play, and laughter within romantic relationships. They discuss why intentional fun and shared adventures aren't just luxuries—they're essential components for nurturing connection, diffusing stress, and deepening joy.Discover how prioritizing play can act as a powerful stress diffuser, lightening the load for both partners.Learn practical tips for "scheduling the fun" and being intentional about carving out time for connection, even with low-effort activities.Hear personal reflections on the magic of laughter and shared novelty ("It re-tricks your brain to like something new") and how simple routine shifts can enhance bonding.This episode is an encouraging reminder to reclaim the friendship aspect of your partnership, emphasizing that joy and intentionality are the keys to a thriving relationship.Discover more about their coaching and resources at their website transformingus.org.Youtube: Transforming Us CommunityInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coachingFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196Mentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

The mental load—that constant, invisible list of organizing, planning, and anticipating—is a leading source of strain in modern relationship dynamics, especially as holiday stress peaks this mental load. In this episode, Jess and Tamara unpack the weight of this unseen emotional labor and why it often falls unevenly, leading to feelings of resentment. Hear why invisible labor creates deep resentment and how better communication and empathy are the keys to a healthier partnership. Learn some practical tips on becoming better team mates and looking out for one another. They offer couples strategies for auditing and sharing these responsibilities—a process they call making the invisible >>> visible. Tune in to learn how to transform resentment into effective teamwork and find balancewith margin too, so you can stop asking, "What are you doing with your time?" and start nurturing each other's wellbeing.Discover more about their coaching and resources at their website transformingus.org.Youtube: Transforming Us CommunityInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coachingFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196Mentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

Some seasons can often feel like a relationship pressure cooker. In this episode of the Transforming Us podcast, Jess and Tamara tackle the chaos and stress, emphasizing the importance of balancing the need for routines as partners, to maintain relationship satisfaction. They share practical strategies for prioritizing intimacy and connection amidst the holiday hustle. Learn how implementing daily practical rituals, dedicating non-transactional time, and embracing the power of a 30-second practice to release oxytocin and strengthen bonds through physical affection can transform your partnership. Discover how these small micro habits and intentional eye contact or flirting, can communicate, “being close to you is a priority," even when every other conversation seems to be about logistics.Mentioned in this episode:7 Love Styles by Truity.comDiscover more about their coaching and resources at their website transformingus.org.Youtube: Transforming Us CommunityInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coachingFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196Mentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

Are you tired of repeating the same old immature responses in your relationships?Dive into the transformative world of emotionally mature communication with hosts Tamara and Jess. In this episode, Transforming Communication in Relationships: From Immaturity to Maturity, we give you the tools to ditch reactive, immature communication and embrace a wiser, more secure way of interacting with the people you love.We explore why we often revert to immature communication styles when we're triggered and how your inner child and attachment styles play a pivotal role in conflict resolution.Things You'll Learn:Identify and heal conflicts by recognizing the unmet attachment needs driving harsh or reactive communication.Learn ways each attachment style shows immature communication and practice ways to flip that toxic script.Understand the difference between the adaptive child's fight-or-flight response and the wise adult's humility and warmth.Learn practical strategies like the “STOP Pause” responding to build emotional safety and security.Discover how maturity involves tending to our inner children and modeling healthy communication for parenting and future generations.Elevate your connection by practicing emotional attunement and secure relationships.This journey to emotional intelligence and maturity is ongoing, but as we say, "It's never too late to turn things around." Tune in and start building the deeply connected, safe relationships you deserve.Mentioned in this episode:Stop PAUSE Practice: Box Breath Practice… Stop. Think, Observe, Pattern“Us; Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship” by Terrence Real “You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For” by Dr. Richard Schwarts“Attunement is the mechanism. It is the basis for building trust.”~ Dr. John GottmanATTUNE Practice (Dr. John And Julie Gottman): Awareness, Tolerance, Turning Toward, Understanding, Non-Defensive Listening, And EmpathyDiscover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

On this week's Transforming Us episode, we dive deep with the amazing Dr. Mary Filice about the profound journey of personal transformation through compassionate presence.Dr. Mary Shares how she has seen… "Healing happens in relationship."Dr. Mary Filice is an esteemed educator, scholar, and visionary businesswoman renowned for her pioneering work in personal transformation and healing. She developed Dr. Mary's Method of Transformation® (MOT®), which merges philosophy with science to guide individuals toward realizing their fullest potential. As an International Enneagram Accredited Professional (AP), Dr. Filice integrates her expertise in the Enneagram, Gabor Maté's trauma-informed psychotherapy, and Dr. Siegel's interpersonal neurobiology. She is the original founding member of Enneagram Collaborative Global (ECG) and a co-developer of The Attuned Parent Program (TAPP).In This Episode: Dr. Filice, an Enneagram type 2, shares how this framework can be a map for understanding ourselves and how our unmet needs obscure our essence—our true God made self. We explore:The critical link between brain science and trauma-informed healing.Why wholeness is relational and the importance of community and collaboration.How compassionate inquiry can help us meet our past experiences with kindness.The essential role of awareness in parenting and attachment.If you're seeking a more compassionate path to healing and stronger relationships, this episode is for you! Connect with Dr. Mary Filice here: https://www.drmaryllc.com/Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

Are you ready to shift your parenting from reactive correction to intentional connection? Need help cultivating a peaceful family system?In this transformative episode, Jess welcomes Sarah McCrory, MS, LPC-S, RPT, the founder of Sanctuary Counseling and Wellness in Montgomery, AL. As a Licensed Professional Counselor and Registered Play Therapist, Sarah specializes in healing attachment trauma in children and families using powerful models like TBRI® (Trust-Based Relational Intervention), EMDR, and Theraplay. Sarah, who believes a true sanctuary offers rest and safety, reveals how the triad of TBRI, restorative soul care, and intentional play can fundamentally transform your home environment.We dive into the core concepts rooted in Dr. Karyn Purvis’s work (The Connected Child) and Sarah’s practical applications (The Connected Parent). Learn why understanding attachment theory is essential to recognizing behavior as communication, and how it leads to profound healing from trauma.Key Takeaways for Deeper Connection:TBRI's Core Shift: Discover the mindset change that allows you to choose Connection Over Correction, realizing that "Your child isn't giving you a hard time."Healing Through Play & Repair: Understand how therapeutic play disarms fear and builds trust, making repair in family dynamics the most potent tool for security and growth.The Soul Care Priority: Learn practical ways to prioritize your mental health and emotional well-being. Sarah explains ways to recognize energy depleters and infusers.The Power of Being which frees you from performance pressure in parenting and life.This episode is a vital resource for anyone seeking a compassionate, evidence-based approach to strengthening their family bonds and becoming a source of healing within their family system.Mentioned in this episode: Karen Purvis Resources andHere is a playlist of 43 videos (from Karyn Purvis and some others) that explain many of the concepts of the TBRI model.The Connected Child and The Connected Parent are both rooted in TBRI® and beautifully complement each other—but they serve different roles. The Connected Child lays the foundation. The Connected Parent bridges theory and practice, with each chapter pairing expert insight (Dr. Karyn Purvis) with real-life parenting experience Order the The Connected ChildOrder the The Connected ParentConnect with Sarah McCrory:www.sanctuarycw.comwww.instagram.com/sanctuarycandwhttps://www.facebook.com/sanctuarycwDiscover more about Transforming Us coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & AReady to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey? Join the Transforming Us live virtual group coaching chat on every third Thursday, from 8:00–9:30 PM ET. REGISTER HERE>>> https://mailchi.mp/48b93f19ccac/transform-your-relationships-group-coaching-chatNeed Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

Dive into a transformative conversation with Jess and Tamara on Transforming Us as they explore the deep connection between attachment security in relationships and the powerful framework of the Enneagram. This episode, Learn Your Paths to Security Using the Enneagram Instincts, Wings, and Arrows, is your guide to authentic personal growth and lasting mental health.We all want to feel secure—but what does that actually look like? In this deep-dive, we break down the crucial role of recognizing and regulating your emotional states. Learn how to identify hyperarousal (that feeling of being anxious and overwhelmed) and hypoarousal (the numbness and disconnection) and discover practical steps toward better emotional regulation.Jess and Tamara shine a light on the three main instincts—self-preservation, social, and one-to-one—and how integrating them is key to true growth. We also discuss how the Enneagram wings provide vital resources for balance and how following the arrows helps you navigate paths of stress and integration.This episode emphasizes the significance of somatic awareness—tuning into your body's signals—as a fundamental tool for feeling safe and in control. Whether you're focused on improving your relationships, committing to self-care, or exploring trauma-informed coaching principles, this conversation will equip you with a new lens for understanding your inner world.Are you too hot? Are you too cold? Stop letting your emotional thermostat control you. Start your traveling, your path to security and wholeness.Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & AReady to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey? Join the Transforming Us live virtual group coaching chat on every third Thursday, from 8:00–9:30 PM ET. REGISTER HERE>>> https://mailchi.mp/48b93f19ccac/transform-your-relationships-group-coaching-chatNeed Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

How does the Enneagram Three (The Achiever) navigate the demands of ministry, the vulnerability of parenting, and the intimacy of partnering? As the author of the popular Gospel For Enneagram devotional series and creator of the most helpful Enneasummits, Tyler gets real about his patterns! In this episode, Tyler Zach, certified Enneagram coach, spiritual director, and former pastor, Type 3, offers a window into how the Type 3’s drive for success and image management impacts his roles as a counseling pastor, a husband, and a father to two adopted sons. We explore the transformative power of the Enneagram as a tool, detailing how recognizing the core motivations helps him move past the pitfalls of performance and towards authentic connection. Tyler shares his thorough research on the origins of the enneagram and lays to rest common fears Christians have about using it.We will discuss takeaways for growth, regardless of your type:The surprising role of curiosity in moving from achievement to genuine spiritual growth in all relationships.How the Enneagram and attachment theory integrate to help accelerate the power of the gospel in your life.Practical strategies for parenting with the Enneagram to prioritize compassion and authenticity over performance.The importance of slowing down to counteract the Three's tendency for busyness, especially during midlife.How the Enneagram helps us all identify the 'personal lies' we believe, fostering a healthier foundation for ministry and Christian community.Don't miss Tyler's valuable wisdom on making the Enneagram a practical tool for becoming a better spouse, parent, and leader. He also highlights the resources available through the NES summits.How to find Tyler:Web: https://www.tylerzach.comInstagram: @gospelforenneagramFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/gospelforenneagramFree Enneagram Resources from Tyler:Freebies (Self-Typing Guide & 5-Day Devotional): http://www.tylerzach.com/freeGet a 40-Day Devotional for your Enneagram Type: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08VGPJTX6Should Christians Use the Enneagram? (another resource)https://gospelforenneagram.com/christian-enneagram/________Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & AReady to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey? Join the Transforming Us live virtual group coaching chat on every third Thursday, from 8:00–9:30 PM ET. REGISTER HERE>>> https://mailchi.mp/48b93f19ccac/transform-your-relationships-group-coaching-chat

Tired of the same old relationship struggles? Want to understand the "why" behind your connection patterns? In this episode of the Transforming Us podcast, hosts Jessie and Tamara dive deep into the helpful intersection of the Enneagram and Attachment Theory. This is the essential conversation for anyone seeking to finally decode the complex relationship dynamics of their connections, their parenting approach, and their overall personal growth.We explore how your attachment style (Secure, Anxious Attachment, Avoidant Attachment-Dismissive, Fearful-Avoidant), profoundly shapes your core Enneagram patterns, influencing everything from your routine interactions to how you manage conflict and vulnerability. We unpack specific challenges for each type, providing insights into their unique insecurities and core relationship needs. Always giving tips to grow more secure wherever you are now.The conversation emphasizes that building a strong sense of self-compassion and developing emotional intelligence is the cornerstone of fostering healthier connections. This is a must-listen for anyone in coaching or seeking better mental health and transformation!Episode TakeawaysHow combining the Enneagram and Attachment Theory clarifies deep-seated relationship dynamics.A breakdown of the unique insecurities and relationship needs of each Enneagram type.The critical role of building a strong sense of self for healthy intimate relationships.Why avoidance of emotional vulnerability is one ditch, and avoidance of self-leadership is the other.Better understanding of which Enneagram patterns display certain insecurities.How issues of self-worth can lead to withdrawal and disengagement.Becoming aware of some numbers with knowing, and asserting their needs.Download our FREE Attachment Assessment and Guide now!Download our FREE Enneagram Assessment and Guide now!Discover more about coaching and resources at our website transformingus.orgYoutube: Transforming Us CommunityInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & AReady to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey? Join the Transforming Us live virtual group coaching chat on every third Thursday, from 8:00–9:30 PM ET. REGISTER HERE>>> https://mailchi.mp/48b93f19ccac/transform-your-relationships-group-coaching-chat

Join Jessie and Tamara as they dive deep into the Enneagram, the helpful psychological framework for transformation. This episode is your essential guide to understanding the nine distinct personality patterns—not as static labels, but as a dynamic roadmap for self-awareness and greater emotional intelligence.In this foundational primer, you'll discover:The System's Structure: We break down the historical context and explain the profound connection between the Enneagram and attachment theory.The "Why" Behind Your Actions: Learn how your core emotions and Centers of Intelligence (Head, Heart, and Body) shape your worldview and drive your behavior.A Blueprint for Change: Explore the unique strengths and challenges of each type, along with practical growth tips you can use right now.Transformation for Life: Whether you're seeking to enhance your communication, navigate conflicts, or deepen your relationship coaching skills, learning your Enneagram type is the key to embracing your complexity and moving toward genuine self-discovery.Tune in to learn how the Enneagram can be the catalyst for the personal and relational transformation you've been seeking!Download our FREE Enneagram Assessment and Guide now!Discover more about coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org.YouTube: Transforming Us CommunityInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/

Navigating pain and leading with emotional intelligence are critical skills for any leader. On this episode of the Transforming Us Podcast, host Jess Vangsnes sits down with award-winning leadership development professional and author Scott Allender, to explore the profound connection between the Enneagram, emotional intelligence, and leadership with some personal stories of transformation along the way.In this very real conversation, Scott, author of "The Enneagram of Emotional Intelligence: A Journey to Personal and Professional Success", shares how the Enneagram can be a powerful tool for self-awareness, helping you understand your unique emotional patterns and pain points. He shares how, in his book, he has overlapped the Enneagram with 5 metrics of Emotional intelligence. You'll discover why organizations often prioritize emotional regulation over the deeper work of truly understanding emotions in relationships. The episode also explores the link between the Enneagram and Attachment Theory, revealing how your personal history shapes your Enneagram number and leadership style.Scott introduces the Enneaflip, a practical resource for applying Enneagram insights in your daily life alongside the patterns in your relationships at work or at home. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to become a more effective and compassionate leader.Key Topics:Enneagram and Emotional Intelligence: Learn how the Enneagram can help you identify and process pain, leading to greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.Leadership and Personal Growth: Understand how healing yourself and embracing your personal growth journey directly impacts your leadership and relationships.Attachment Theory & The Enneagram: Explore the fascinating intersection of these two frameworks and how they influence your personal dynamics.Scott’s Resources:https://www.scottallender.com/The Evolving Leader Podcasthttps://www.instagram.com/eqenneagram/Learn more about Transforming Us:Discover more about their coaching and resources at their website transformingus.org.Youtube: Transforming Us CommunityInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & AReady to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey? Join the Transforming Us live virtual group coaching chat on every third Thursday, from 8:00–9:30 PM ET. REGISTER HERE>>> https://mailchi.mp/48b93f19ccac/transform-your-relationships-group-coaching-chat

Do you feel caught in a constant push-pull between wanting close relationships and pushing people away? In this powerful episode of the Transforming Us podcast, hosts Jess and Tamara dive deep into the complexities of the fearful avoidant attachment patterns. We’re getting to the heart of what drives this unique and often misunderstood relationship dynamic, rooted in deep-seated childhood wounds of broken trust and hyper-sensativity.In This Episode, We Explore:The Fearful Avoidant Map: Unpack the mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors that define this attachment style. Understand the high levels of anxiety, the struggle with trust and vulnerability, and the self-sabotaging tendencies that can make stable relationships feel impossible.Security Through Regulation: Discover the vital roles of emotional regulation and co-regulation in managing intense emotional reactions. Jess and Tamara share practical strategies for building emotional health, from positive self-talk to creating an evidence journal to combat negative biases.Communication & Boundaries: Learn how inconsistent boundaries can impact your relationships and how to build a foundation of open communication. The hosts emphasize the importance of communicating your needs and finding safe, supportive relationships that allow you to grow without fear.The Path to Secure Attachment: This episode highlights the significance of therapy and personal growth in confronting past wounds. Join us as we discuss how a willingness to be vulnerable and a commitment to self-discovery can transform your attachment style and help you build the healthy, secure relationships you truly desire.If you’re ready to break the cycle and find a sense of peace in your relationships, this episode is your guide.Download our FREE Attachment Assessment and Guide now!Discover more about coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingus(Disclaimer: This episode is for informational and educational purposes alone.  It is not a replacement for clinical help with your mental health or attachment traumas.) Mentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/Transforming Us Group Coaching Chat, Plus Q & AReady to get unstuck and move toward the wholeness you desire in your relationships and on your personal journey? Join the Transforming Us live virtual group coaching chat on every third Thursday, from 8:00–9:30 PM ET. REGISTER HERE>>> https://mailchi.mp/48b93f19ccac/transform-your-relationships-group-coaching-chat