Death Virgin

In this episode of Death Virgin, Kristen starts the year by reading a full, unruly, prickly, and deeply human obituary—one that refuses to smooth the edges of a life well lived.The obituary of Doris McClintock (1939–2025) is funny, specific, political, tender, stubborn, and alive with detail: pine boxes, black bears, arthritis, grudges, gardens, community, and the refusal to romanticize old age or death. From there, Kristen wanders—lovingly—through pumpkin pie, Yankees, Thanksgiving rules, avoidance strategies, and the long, strange history of obituaries themselves.This episode explores:How obituaries evolved from elite death notices to public mourning textsWho gets remembered in the historical record—and who gets erasedWhy euphemisms for death may soften truth rather than honor itSusan Sontag, silence, moral control, and why smoothing edges can do harmObituaries as political documents, especially for marginalized livesThe ethics of writing your own obituary (and whether anyone has to tell the truth for you)Humor as a survival tool when talking about deathWhy writing your own obituary might not be about closure—but permissionKristen also introduces a new Death Virgin obituary-writing exercise, including a Mad Lib–style worksheet designed not as a “final draft,” but as a playful, revealing warm-up—something to do alone, or better yet, with others.Because maybe an obituary isn’t meant to close the book.Maybe it’s meant to leave it cracked open.Referenced & Recommended:OBIT (dir. Vanessa Gould)The Deadbeat by Marilyn JohnsonSusan Sontag on language, illness, and moral controlMerle Haggard, E.B. White, Monty Python, Eminem (yes, really)Content note: This episode references death, illness, murder, and contemporary violence.Rest in peace, Doris McClintock.

Kristen welcomes her first guest, Thao, for an honest conversation about friendship, grief, and the journey through loss. Together, they reflect on their shared history, the evolution of their friendship, and Thao’s recent experience of losing her brother. The episode explores cultural rituals, the physicality of grief, and the importance of storytelling in healing.

Where were you when? When Kennedy was shot? When The Challenger exploded? When 14 people were killed in the Swiss parliament? On September 11, 2001?In this episode, Kristen talks about her own second-hand experiences when she found herself living in Manhattan when the Twin Towers were hit, the concepts of private vs. communal grief, and why we all feel compelled to share "I was there ..." when a tragedy (or notable celebration or event) occurs.

For the Death Virgin's first mini episode, you'll hear her tribute to the late Robert Redford. How, when she lived in Utah as a teenager, she met him and was even kissed by him. Rounded out with stories of the United States Film Festival, a cross country move in a Mercury Sable, and a fortuitous tennis match, this episode features lots of gushing about the arguably world's best and most handsome guy and how much we all loved him. 

Kristen delves into the concept of closeness and its subjective nature, pondering what it means to be close to someone and how it affects grief. Kristen mentions feedback from listeners questioning her claim and shares stories of individuals who were significant in her life. She contrasts these relationships with others she wasn't as emotionally close to, and explores philosophical ideas about community and connection. Kristen also humorously discusses the challenges of defining words using an old dictionary and shares personal anecdotes, musings on language, and cultural references, all while seeking to better understand and prepare for the inevitability of mourning.

In this episode of 'Death Virgin,' Kristen delves into the history of how different cultures have approached death and mourning.She begins with the Black Death in the 14th century, describing its devastating impact and the rise of the Dance Macabre. Kristen touches on the modern parallels to the COVID-19 pandemic and the importance of empathy and travel in understanding different cultures.She also discusses Victorian mourning practices, including the creation of memento mori and the elaborate rituals of the era.Moving on to North America, she reflects on the Puritans and Pilgrims and cites the influence of popular culture and educational cartoons on our understanding of historical events.Kristen concludes with a call to reimagine how we educate about death, proposing animated, musical content similar to Schoolhouse Rock to tackle taboos and teach both children and adults about death in an engaging way.

Kristen, the host of the 'Death Virgin' podcast, discusses her journey of exploring death as someone who has never experienced the loss of a close loved one.She reflects on her childhood memories, societal taboos around discussing death, and how horror movies can serve as a therapeutic medium for dealing with grief.From humorous anecdotes about failed horror movie titles to the ritualistic burial of her first pet, Kristen navigates a wide range of experiences and thoughts, ultimately advocating for more open conversations about death.

In episode two of 'Death Virgin,' Kristen Vermilyea delves into the intersection of death and social media, particularly focusing on Facebook. She discusses her views on mourning culture online, sharing personal anecdotes and observations about how people use social media to cope with loss. Vermilyea reflects on the emotional complexities of seeing Facebook pages of deceased friends and questions why public expressions of grief seem necessary. Interspersed with humor and tangential stories, Vermilyea also explores how social media serves as a modern-day Town Crier, announcing deaths and allowing shared communal mourning. This episode encourages listeners to reflect on their own digital interactions with death and considers the broader implications of our online lives.

In the Maiden episode of the podcast 'Death Virgin,' Kristen Vermilyea, a 56-year-old American woman living in Zurich, Switzerland, introduces her journey into understanding mourning and death.Kristen explains how she has not yet lost anyone super close to her* - a rarity at her age, making her feel underprepared for the inevitable loss of a loved one.She discusses her documentary film 'Death Virgin,' her curiosity about death, past experiences, and her decision to become a death doula.Kristen also reminisces about her past in Catholic school, relationships, and various memories connected to death and funerals. The episode is a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and reflections on life and death, aiming to open up conversations about a typically taboo subject. *Yes, I’ve lost all my grandparents and several aunts and uncles. (We are not a terribly close family.) I’ve thought a lot about how I define “super close” when it comes to people in my life and how that definition might be different when dealing with their deaths. Does it have to be an immediate family member? A blood relative? A best friend? Someone I see or talk to daily / often? I don’t know, but I’m thinking about it and will explore it in the podcast.