The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Bookshelf

We are often raised on a "fairytale" version of marriage, the belief that love will be romantic, beautiful, and solve all of our problems. But for many women, the clock eventually strikes midnight, the carriage turns back into a pumpkin, and life becomes painfully real. When pornography addiction and betrayal enter the story, the dream doesn't just change; it feels like it has shattered.In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Adam Moore, a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-author of Pumpkins at Midnight: A Woman’s Guide to Love, Dating, and Marriage in the Age of Porn. We discuss the "hubris of the 20-year-old self" who believes she can prepare her way out of pain, why men in the middle of addiction are not "reliable narrators," and how to embrace the messy, in-between "liminal spaces" of recovery.We talk about:The Story Behind the Pumpkin: Why the book's title reflects the moment a relationship shifts from a childhood fantasy to a "very real" struggle with pornography issues.The Myth of Preparation: A candid look at the desire to "prepare" our way out of potential pain and the realization that some things can only be understood by living through them.Why He Can’t Hear You: Exploring why an addicted partner may lack empathy, ranging from emotional developmental "stunts" to the possibility of being on the autism spectrum.The Unreliable Narrator: Understanding that a partner deep in addiction cannot give an accurate account of reality for themselves or the relationship.Embracing Liminal Spaces: Learning to tolerate the "limbo" between starting a healing process and being finished with it, and why this in-between zone is actually the norm of life.Grief as a Violent Process: Reframing "dumb" behaviors or intense anger as part of a necessary, "violent" grieving process that deserves infinite compassion.This episode may be especially supportive if:You are a young woman in the early stages of a relationship, trying to navigate the discovery of a partner's pornography use.You feel like you have "failed" because your hard work and investment didn't yield the immediate recovery results you wanted.You are struggling to understand why your partner seems completely unplugged from your emotional pain or interprets your suffering as "persecution" of them.You feel "weirdly stuck" in your anger because you fear that moving toward peace means you are condoning the betrayal.Ultimately, recovery isn't about the butterfly resenting its time as a caterpillar. It is about a perpetual reconciliation with yourself, acknowledging that while the goal may have changed, your value and your journey have not.Meet the Guest: Dr. Adam MooreDr. Adam Moore is a licensed marriage and family therapist with nearly 20 years of experience. He specializes in treating sexual addiction and betrayal and is the co-owner of Sela Health. He is the host of the Pocket Therapist podcast and co-author of Pumpkins at Midnight.Dr. Moore’s Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pocket-therapist/id1383613726Rachel’s Booklist - ⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share⁠⁠Rachel’s Newsletter - ⁠⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Healing from betrayal is not a solo journey, nor is it a linear one. In this conclusion to our conversation, Dr. Monique Thompson returns to discuss the "butterfly effect" of recovery and the practicalities of rebuilding a life after the internal explosion of discovery.We dive deep into the specific therapeutic tools that move us from "surviving to tomorrow" to "unleashing" our most authentic selves. Dr. Thompson reframes the concept of forgiveness through a powerful financial lens: understanding that while you may choose to forgive a debt, you are under no obligation to issue new credit.We talk about:Assembling Your Recovery Team: Why you shouldn’t rely on Google alone; the importance of finding "learned" practitioners who specialize in betrayal and can provide credible referrals for coaches, retreats, and specialists.The Science of Heartbreak: Exploring the 84-year Harvard study on health and the epigenetics of trauma, reminding us that working through betrayal is a vital investment in your long-term medical health.EMDR and Parts Work in Practice: How tools like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Internal Family Systems (IFS) help "cook to order" a healing path that respects your protective parts while accessing your "capital-S" Self.The "3:00 PM to 9:00 PM" Rule: Why we often "suck" at parenting ourselves in the evening and how to implement trauma-informed self-care, like outdoor walks and "brain-healthy" habits, to protect your nervous system during these high-risk hours.The Credit/Debt Metaphor for Forgiveness: A revolutionary way to look at forgiveness as a "bankruptcy" filing, dismissing an uncollectible debt for your own freedom without being forced to grant immediate trust or reconciliation.This episode may be especially supportive if:You feel overwhelmed by the "alphabet soup" of therapy (EMDR, IFS, CBT) and want to know how these tools actually work in the room.You are struggling with the concept of forgiveness and feel pressured to "get over it" before your partner has proven they are "creditworthy" again.You find yourself doom-scrolling or engaging in "anti-survival" habits in the evenings and need a practical "reset" strategy.You are ready to move from being a victim of your circumstances to becoming the "general of your own army".As Dr. Thompson beautifully notes, you never truly lose in this process, you either win or you learn. Every step you take toward choosing to heal is a step toward experiencing the precious few moments of life in a tangible, beautiful way.Meet the Guest: Dr. Monique ThompsonDr. Monique Thompson is an EMDR-trained therapist and trauma-informed life coach with over 24 years of experience. She specializes in betrayal trauma, PTSD, and couples recovery, helping clients restore nervous system safety to support clarity and accountability. She is the author of the Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples and is known for her culturally responsive, parts-based approach to healing.Dr. Thompson’s Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/drmoniquethompsonDr. Thompson’s Private Counseling Practice - https://www.facebook.com/137813109676722?ref=NONE_xav_ig_profile_page_webInfidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples - https://www.amazon.com/Infidelity-Recovery-Workbook-Couples-Relationship-ebook/dp/B0CYGPRGQSRachel’s Booklist - ⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share⁠⁠Rachel’s Newsletter - ⁠⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Discovery isn't just an emotional blow; it is a profound shock to the entire nervous system. When infidelity comes to light, your heart rate spikes, cortisol floods your system, and your brain shifts into a survival state that makes clear thinking nearly impossible.In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Monique Thompson, an EMDR-trained therapist and author of the Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples. We explore why the "hot kettle" of your nervous system needs time to cool before you make life-altering decisions and why recovery is ultimately about returning to your most authentic self, regardless of whether you stay or leave.We Talk About:Infidelity as Physiological Injury: Why the inability to "think straight" after discovery is a biological reality of the sympathetic nervous system, not a personal failing.The "Olympics of Recovery": Reframing recovery as a daily, lifelong practice of self-compassion and amends, similar to the 12-step tradition.Process Over Outcome: Why pressuring yourself to decide on reconciliation or divorce too quickly adds excruciating pain, and how to wait for "adaptive thoughts" before choosing a path.Redefining Infidelity as Non-Consent: A powerful look at how betrayal is sensed and felt whenever the agreed-upon boundaries of a relationship, regardless of its structure, are violated.Internal Parts Work: How to hold a "meeting" for the different parts of yourself, the part that is hurt, the part that is angry, and the part that wants to stay, to find your "living truth".You are in the immediate aftermath of "D-Day" and feel an urgent, frantic pressure to make a permanent decision.You feel "broken into pieces" and find that your experience defies standard language or explanation.You have a high ACE score (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and recognize that your current betrayal is triggering deep-seated survival responses.You are struggling with shame and "anti-survival thoughts," feeling that the betrayal has stripped away your sense of worth.Ultimately, healing isn't about rushing to a socially acceptable conclusion; it's about cooling your biology so you can act from a place of peace rather than panic. As Dr. Thompson reminds us, your oldest and longest companion is yourself, and you deserve a clean, honest relationship with that person first.About the Guest:Dr. Monique Thompson is an EMDR-trained therapist and trauma-informed life coach with over 24 years of experience. She specializes in betrayal trauma, PTSD, and couples recovery, helping clients restore nervous system safety to support clarity and accountability. She is the author of the Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples and is known for her culturally responsive, parts-based approach to healing.Dr. Thompson’s Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/drmoniquethompson Dr. Thompson’s Private Counseling Practice - https://www.facebook.com/137813109676722?ref=NONE_xav_ig_profile_page_webInfidelity Recovery Workbook for Couple - https://www.amazon.com/Infidelity-Recovery-Workbook-Couples-Relationship-ebook/dp/B0CYGPRGQSRachel’s Booklist - ⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share⁠⁠Rachel’s Newsletter - ⁠⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

In Part 1, we established that truth is the foundation of intimacy. But what happens when you get the facts, yet something still feels unsafe?In this second half of my conversation with Dan Drake, we move beyond the "Content Truth" (the facts on the paper) and explore the critical concept of "Behavioral Truth", how your partner shows up in the process.We discuss why a disclosure document delivered with resentment feels very different from one delivered with humility, and why consistency over time is the only way to rebuild genuine trust. We also tackle the "hot button" topic of polygraphs and how to prepare your nervous system for the days following a disclosure.We talk about:Content vs. Behavioral Truth: Why "what" is shared matters, but "how" it is shared (emotional maturity vs. defensiveness) matters just as much for your safety.Boundaries as a Roadmap: Reframing boundaries not as punishments or control, but as a clear guide you are giving your partner on how to help you feel safe.The "Energy" of Recovery: Why "white-knuckling" compliant behavior eventually leads to resentment, and how to trust your gut when the energy feels off.Preparation and Aftercare: Treating disclosure like a "birth plan", having a strategy for the best scenarios, the worst scenarios, and the support you will need in the 72 hours after.The Polygraph Debate: Understanding the difference between a "fidelity polygraph" (verifying truth) and a forensic interrogation, and why it is a tool for validation rather than a "gotcha" moment.This episode may be especially supportive if:You have received a disclosure, but still feel uneasy because your partner’s attitude feels defensive or unchecked.You are debating whether to use a polygraph and want to understand the benefits and limitations (it’s about 90% reliable, not perfect).You need permission to set up an "aftercare plan" that includes childcare, time off, or space to grieve.Your partner is refusing to disclose, and you are trying to determine what that means for the future of your relationship.As Dan shares, disclosure is like resetting a broken bone that healed incorrectly: it is painful to re-break it, but it is the only way to ensure it heals straight and strong.Listen in for the practical wisdom you need to navigate the complexities of truth, safety, and the days that follow.Meet the Guest: Dan DrakeDan Drake is a licensed clinician and the Founder and Clinical Director of Banyan Therapy Group in Los Angeles, California. He is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor, a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Supervisor, and a Certified Clinical Disclosure Guide Mentor.He is the co-author of several books, including Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection that Stands the Test of Time, and five books in the Full Disclosure series, covering topics like Letters from a Sex Addict, My Life Exposed, Surviving the Holidays, Healthy Boundaries, and Rebuilding Your Foundation.Dan is a husband and a father to two amazing kids and two fur babies. In his passion to help sex addicts, their partners, and families restore relational, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wholeness to their lives, Dan strives to provide a safe environment where his clients can grow and heal.Dan's Website - www.banyantherapy.comRachel’s Booklist - https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareRachel’s Newsletter - https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Discovery is often one of the most traumatizing experiences a partner can go through. But what follows, the painful "trickle truth" or staggered information, can feel just as damaging, leaving you constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.In this episode, I sit down with Dan Drake, a licensed clinician and co-author of the Full Disclosure series, to discuss why getting the whole story isn't just about facts; it is a "Right of Truth."We explore why truth is the non-negotiable foundation for any future intimacy and why "confessing" in the moment is very different from a therapeutic, well-planned disclosure.We talk about:Confession vs. Disclosure: Why staggered revelations are merely "confessions" that protect the addict, whereas a full disclosure is a carefully constructed process designed to honor your need for safety.The Pyramid of Intimacy: Breaking down the hierarchy of connection, Truth, Safety, Trust, Vulnerability, and Intimacy, and why you cannot skip the foundation of Truth to get to Intimacy.The "Why" Behind the Lies: Understanding how compartmentalization and shame often cause the betraying partner to "wall off" memories, not necessarily to hurt you, but to disconnect from their own reality.Busting Disclosure Myths: We tackle common misconceptions, such as the "90-day sobriety rule" before disclosure and the fear that "the truth will kill the relationship."The Curated Self: Why staying in a relationship without full disclosure means loving a "curated version" of your partner rather than who they really are.This episode may be especially supportive if:You have experienced "staggered disclosure" and feel like you are constantly resetting your recovery clock.You are confused by why your partner can't just "tell you the truth" right now.You feel pressured to "trust" or be vulnerable before you have established a foundation of honesty.You are terrified that hearing the full truth will destroy your relationship, but you know deep down that deception is what is actually eroding it.Ultimately, disclosure isn't about ending the relationship; it's about clearing the rubble so a real foundation can be built. As Dan shares, your partner cannot be truly loved if they are not truly known.Listen in for a powerful conversation on why you deserve the dignity of your own reality and the right to make informed choices about your life.Meet the Guest: Dan DrakeDan Drake is a licensed clinician and the Founder and Clinical Director of Banyan Therapy Group in Los Angeles, California. He is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor, a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Supervisor, and a Certified Clinical Disclosure Guide Mentor.He is the co-author of several books, including Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection that Stands the Test of Time, and five books in the Full Disclosure series, covering topics like Letters from a Sex Addict, My Life Exposed, Surviving the Holidays, Healthy Boundaries, and Rebuilding Your Foundation.Dan is a husband and a father to two amazing kids and two fur babies. In his passion to help sex addicts, their partners, and families restore relational, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wholeness to their lives, Dan strives to provide a safe environment where his clients can grow and heal.Dan's Website - www.banyantherapy.comRachel’s Booklist - https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareRachel’s Newsletter - https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

In this episode of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Bookshelf, I circle back to Broken to Brave by Tammy Gustafson to share my personal takeaways and review.For many women, there comes a confusing moment in recovery: You finally feel a sense of safety and stabilization, and then, suddenly and unexpectedly, you are hit with a wave of intense emotion that feels like you are right back at the beginning.This is what Tammy calls "The Rumble" - Phase 2. It is a counterintuitive, paradoxical space where your nervous system finally feels safe enough to process the deep grief and anger it has been holding.I dive into this "messy middle" and offer a new perspective on why feeling worse can actually mean you are healing.We talk about:The Counterintuitive Nature of Phase 2: Why intense emotions often surface after you establish safety, not before.The "ECU" (Emotional Care Unit): Why we need to treat emotional injuries with the same intensive care as physical trauma, just because the "truck" has stopped hitting you, doesn't mean the healing is done.Healing Hurts: Using the metaphor of my shattered elbow and physical therapy to illustrate how true healing (like grieving) is often a painful process.Redefining Anger: Moving away from the belief that anger is dangerous or "bad," and seeing it as a vital, necessary part of the human experience and connection with God.Grief as Acceptance: How the "stages" of grief (shock, denial, bargaining, sadness) are actually a process of accepting reality.This episode may be especially supportive if:You feel like you are moving backward in your recovery and are wondering, "What is happening?"You are experiencing sudden, visceral anger or deep sadness and feel confused or ashamed by its intensity.You find yourself bargaining or minimizing the abuse (e.g., "At least he didn't hit me") to soften the blow.You need permission to treat yourself with extreme gentleness, like a patient in the ICU.Healing is not a linear journey, and it doesn't always feel "good." Sometimes, it feels like the deep ache of physical therapy, stretching, and healing wounds that have been braced for too long.Listen in for a validating, honest look at the "Rumble Phase" and receive the reminder you need today: You can make it. Hold on. Keep going.Meet the Author: Tammy GustafsonTammy Gustafson is a trauma-informed licensed professional counselor, coach, and speaker with over 15 years of experience. She holds a master’s degree in counseling and is the founder and CEO of Betrayal Healing and LiveFree Counseling. Tammy hosts the annual Betrayal Healing Conference, which provides compassionate, expert guidance to thousands of betrayed partners worldwide.The Betrayal Healing ConferenceJanuary 26-30, 2026https://010850311--betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/all-access-pass/Book link on Amazon (available for preorder): Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Healing After Intimate Betrayalhttps://www.amazon.com/Broken-Brave-Courageous-Intimate-Betrayal/dp/0800746554/ref=sr_1_5?crid=1YM58EIZVN5T9&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.6O2P1kd86DCW296OpIUqfFQ_GXVylvGe8TTX7k8z890ZwUrgT55wIkf2iKz5R_vN3oYZRO8y6bVxuO92_9Im3chK-ANA6qeWSZDimFeV-Z8FI8zLkRzE8ZrrDwZq5EyQcVwcPSFQnk6YqLOT8OHiBCb0pK8fep98L01NPf6vYfWzi0ovxtsPXqBYgxdiekG_lZU5F7z3UP9PpWUl_3GadAkA0yZ0aVqhMVy6MEV5t3E.OX-VvvQCIX7WmIXxBNQo2vY4Rg4i3OhoQgwMRJboLOQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=broken+to+brave+book&qid=1764652534&sprefix=broken+to+brave+book%2Caps%2C135&sr=8-5Tammy’s Website tammygustafson.comRachel’s Booklisthttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareRachel’s Newsletterhttps://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

In this episode, we explore boundaries through a wider, more spacious lens—one that moves beyond rules, ultimatums, or control and into meaning, symbolism, and self-honoring truth.Inspired by The Great All: A Parable of Hope, New Beginnings, and You by Molly Davis Moon, this conversation invites a zoomed-out perspective on boundaries. Rooted in compassion and dignity, we explore what it means to truly honor yourself and others.For those navigating betrayal trauma, boundaries often feel confusing, heavy, or weaponized and something you’re told to “set” without ever being taught how to feel your way into them. This episode offers a different entry point.We talk about:Boundaries as symbols of self-respect rather than defensesWhat it means to honor me / honor you without self-abandonmentHow parables and story can bypass shame and speak directly to the nervous systemWhy boundaries are not punishments—but expressions of truthThe “compassionate revolution”: choosing integrity over controlThis is a reflective, meaning-rich conversation—especially for women healing from betrayal who are tired of black-and-white rules and longing for something more humane, spacious, and soul-honoring.If boundaries have felt rigid, impossible, or unclear… this episode may offer a breath of fresh air—and a new way to see yourself within the story.Pre-Order The Great All: A Parable of Hope, New Beginnings, and You by Molly Davis Moon Release date February 24, 2026⁠https://www.amazon.com/Great-All-Story-Hope-Beginnings/dp/1684818141/ref=sr_1_1?crid=38HYE8XE9HP0V&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.tyAiy4DWj0b246AF5DDyMQnaqdGBJsvj4RstbSJpUEflylKJ2K-068WIyTKJrPeMBO7ZL3G-w6haxNs3R7kpg04uKpXzjDr8O1yTIMDBQ3aPIj1D89SLeO_7R6N69HM6UEs8TTjwDvzqPLYo4qq68QsoALabvlB04v0aPNRzu1C8sQLeP-UOZJHg32MLFojScVGQsXxkug9WJHM54NX6HA.6Xv2C2MFMeU_2_JGuZwBWy-sT6Tn9yKSEveXwZeeS54&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+great+all+molly+davis+moon&qid=1767905014&sprefix=the+great+all+moll%2Caps%2C223&sr=8-1⁠About MollyMolly Davis Moon is the author and illustrator of, The Great All: A Parable ofHope, New Beginnings, and You. Raised in her wild ancestral home of Alaska, Molly is a mother and grandmother, lover of nature, and lifelong creative. A therapist, coach, and leader in the healing space, her popular boundaries cartoons and programs have taken social media by storm, creating loyal followers and changed lives. Now, Molly’s heart for a better world flows through her pen in this empowering parable for personal transformation and collective change.You can find Molly on social media with her popular boundaries cartoonsFacebook: Becoming Boundaried (159k followers)Instagram: @boundariedbootcamp (100k followers)Website (online boundaries class for compassionate people): ⁠www.boundaried.com⁠Rachel’s Booklist⁠https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_share⁠Rachel’s Newsletter⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

In this episode, we explore boundaries through a wider, more spacious lens—one that moves beyond rules, ultimatums, or control and into meaning, symbolism, and self-honoring truth.Inspired by The Great All: A Parable of Hope, New Beginnings, and You by Molly Davis Moon, this conversation invites a zoomed-out perspective on boundaries. Rooted in compassion and dignity, we explore what it means to truly honor yourself and others.For those navigating betrayal trauma, boundaries often feel confusing, heavy, or weaponized and something you’re told to “set” without ever being taught how to feel your way into them. This episode offers a different entry point.We talk about:Boundaries as symbols of self-respect rather than defensesWhat it means to honor me / honor you without self-abandonmentHow parables and story can bypass shame and speak directly to the nervous systemWhy boundaries are not punishments—but expressions of truthThe “compassionate revolution”: choosing integrity over controlThis is a reflective, meaning-rich conversation—especially for women healing from betrayal who are tired of black-and-white rules and longing for something more humane, spacious, and soul-honoring.If boundaries have felt rigid, impossible, or unclear… this episode may offer a breath of fresh air—and a new way to see yourself within the story.Pre-Order The Great All: A Parable of Hope, New Beginnings, and You by Molly Davis Moon Release date February 24, 2026https://www.amazon.com/Great-All-Story-Hope-Beginnings/dp/1684818141/ref=sr_1_1?crid=38HYE8XE9HP0V&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.tyAiy4DWj0b246AF5DDyMQnaqdGBJsvj4RstbSJpUEflylKJ2K-068WIyTKJrPeMBO7ZL3G-w6haxNs3R7kpg04uKpXzjDr8O1yTIMDBQ3aPIj1D89SLeO_7R6N69HM6UEs8TTjwDvzqPLYo4qq68QsoALabvlB04v0aPNRzu1C8sQLeP-UOZJHg32MLFojScVGQsXxkug9WJHM54NX6HA.6Xv2C2MFMeU_2_JGuZwBWy-sT6Tn9yKSEveXwZeeS54&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+great+all+molly+davis+moon&qid=1767905014&sprefix=the+great+all+moll%2Caps%2C223&sr=8-1About MollyMolly Davis Moon is the author and illustrator of, The Great All: A Parable ofHope, New Beginnings, and You. Raised in her wild ancestral home of Alaska, Molly is a mother and grandmother, lover of nature, and lifelong creative. A therapist, coach, and leader in the healing space, her popular boundaries cartoons and programs have taken social media by storm, creating loyal followers and changed lives. Now, Molly’s heart for a better world flows through her pen in this empowering parable for personal transformation and collective change.You can find Molly on social media with her popular boundaries cartoonsFacebook: Becoming Boundaried (159k followers)Instagram: @boundariedbootcamp (100k followers)Website (online boundaries class for compassionate people): www.boundaried.comRachel’s Booklisthttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareRachel’s Newsletterhttps://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Betrayal doesn’t just shatter trust, it forces women to confront questions they never expected to face about boundaries, relationships, and who they are becoming in the aftermath.In Part 2 of my conversation with author Tammy Gustafson, we move beyond survival and into the tender, complex territory of what comes next. We talk honestly about boundaries that protect rather than punish, the different relational paths women may choose after betrayal, and how healing can slowly begin to transform into growth.This conversation honors that there is no single “right” way forward, only the path that supports your safety, truth, and integrity.What boundaries actually are after betrayal and why they’re about self-protection, not controlHow to discern relational paths after betrayal without pressure or urgencyWhy healing isn’t about fixing the relationship, but stabilizing and reconnecting with yourselfHow clarity unfolds over time, not through forced decisionsWhen healing begins to shift into growth and what that transition really feels likeHow to hold uncertainty with compassion instead of self-judgmentTammy brings a steady, compassionate lens to this conversation — one that respects the depth of betrayal trauma while honoring women’s autonomy, timing, and inner wisdom.You’re confused about boundaries and worried you’re “doing them wrong”You feel pressure to decide whether to stay or leave before you feel groundedYou’re noticing growth emerging, but still feel tender and unsureYou want permission to move slowly and listen to yourselfYou’re ready to explore what healing can become — without rushing the processHealing after betrayal doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means learning how to live with deeper truth, stronger boundaries, and a more connected relationship with yourself.🎧 Listen in for a thoughtful, honest conversation about boundaries, choice, and how healing slowly turns into growth one grounded step at a time.🌟 Meet the Author: Tammy GustafsonTammy Gustafson is a trauma-informed licensed professional counselor, coach, and speaker with over 15 years of experience. She holds a master’s degree in counseling and is the founder and CEO of Betrayal Healing and LiveFree Counseling. Tammy hosts the annual Betrayal Healing Conference, which provides compassionate, expert guidance to thousands of betrayed partners worldwide.The Betrayal Healing ConferenceJanuary 26-30, 2026https://010850311--betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/all-access-pass/Book link on Amazon (available for preorder): Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Healing After Intimate BetrayalTammy’s Website tammygustafson.comRachel’s Group Support Informationhttps://risestrongrecovery.my.canva.site/over-the-rainbowRachel’s Booklisthttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareRachel’s Newsletterhttps://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Betrayal has a way of making women feel broken emotionally, relationally, and inside their own sense of self. In this episode, I’m joined by author Tammy Gustafson for a powerful conversation about what it really means to be broken… and how bravery often emerges in ways we don’t expect after betrayal.Together, we explore how betrayal trauma impacts the nervous system, identity, and sense of safety—and why healing is rarely a straight line.What “broken” actually means after betrayal and why it’s not a personal failureHow bravery doesn’t look like strength or certainty, but honesty and presenceThe phases of healing after betrayal and why each one mattersWhy the path to healing often feels counterintuitiveHow betrayal creates an invisible injury that deserves real care and timeWhat true repair looks like—inside yourself, not just in the relationshipTammy offers a grounded, compassionate lens for understanding betrayal trauma, one that honors the depth of the injury without rushing women toward forgiveness or decisions they’re not ready to make.This episode is especially supportive if:You’ve been told to “be strong” when you feel shatteredYou’re questioning why you’re still struggling long after the betrayalYou want to true healing from the betrayal you’ve experienced You’re looking for validation that you’re on the path.You are not weak because this hurt you.You are not failing because healing takes time.And you are not broken beyond repair.🎧 Listen in for a compassionate, real conversation about betrayal, bravery, and what healing actually looks like after everything falls apart.🌟 Meet the Author: Tammy GustafsonTammy Gustafson is a trauma-informed licensed professional counselor, coach, and speaker with over 15 years of experience. She holds a master’s degree in counseling and is the founder and CEO of Betrayal Healing and LiveFree Counseling. Tammy hosts the annual Betrayal Healing Conference, which provides compassionate, expert guidance to thousands of betrayed partners worldwide.The Betrayal Healing ConferenceJanuary 26-30, 2026https://010850311--betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/all-access-pass/Book link on Amazon (available for preorder): Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Healing After Intimate BetrayalTammy’s Website tammygustafson.comRachel's Group Support Informationhttps://risestrongrecovery.my.canva.site/over-the-rainbowRachel’s Booklisthttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareRachel’s Newsletterhttps://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Surrender is one of the most misunderstood concepts in healing, especially after betrayal trauma. For many women, the word itself can feel painful, unsafe, or even triggering. It can sound like giving up, minimizing harm, or accepting what should never have happened.In this episode, we slow surrender way down.This conversation explores what surrender actually means in the context of betrayal trauma and healing in Christ’s light. Not as passive acceptance or forced forgiveness, but as a gradual, grounded process of releasing what was never yours to carry in the first place.We talk about surrender through multiple lenses. Faith, higher power, and the 12-step framework, while always coming back to what surrender looks like in real, everyday life for women whose trust has been shattered.In this episode, we explore:Why surrender often feels painful and threatening after betrayalMaking space for different concepts of a higher power without pressure or perfectionWhat surrender means in the 12 steps, in practical, lived termsHow surrender can coexist with boundaries, truth, and discernmentHow surrender can become a pathway back to peace, clarity, and self-connectionThis episode is for women who are exhausted from holding everything together, from trying to manage outcomes, and from carrying responsibility that was never theirs. Surrender here is not about shrinking or silencing yourself. It is about softening your grip on what you cannot control so you can come back home to yourself.You don’t have to understand surrender all at once. You don’t have to do it perfectly. And you don’t have to force it before you’re ready.This episode offers gentle perspective, grounded truth, and permission to explore surrender at your own pace.🌟 Meet the Author: Jeni BrockbankJeni Brockbank lives in northern Utah with her six children, where she works as a betrayal trauma coach and podcaster. She finds joy in applying the gospel of Jesus Christ to real-life challenges, floating on lazy rivers, snuggling her kids, and long lunches with good friends. She loves the color red as a reminder of her individual worth to her Heavenly Father. Jeni is also the founder of Her Wings Unfold, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting survivors of domestic violence, betrayal, and abuse.Her Wings Unfoldhttps://herwingsunfold.org/Rachel’s Booklisthttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareRachel's Newsletterhttps://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Betrayal doesn’t just break trust — it fractures your connection to yourself, to others, and often to God.In Part 2 of this conversation, I’m again joined by Jeni Brockbank, author of Healing in Christ’s Light, to explore what it looks like to move beyond survival and into deeper healing after betrayal — without bypassing pain or rushing the process.This episode centers on soul-care, compassion, and truth-based healing for women navigating the aftermath of abuse, addiction, abandonment, and adultery.Together, we explore:• Why betrayal wounds the soul — not just the heart or mind• What real soul-care looks like after trauma (and why “just pray more” often isn’t enough)• How self-compassion becomes a critical healing practice after gaslighting and self-doubt• Why healing in isolation keeps wounds open — and how safe community supports restoration• The difference between accountability, support, and pressure disguised as “help”• What forgiveness is — and what it is not• Why forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, tolerance, or bypassing harm• How faith-centered healing honors truth, boundaries, agency, and dignityThis episode is a grounding reminder that:You are allowed to be tender with yourself.You are not meant to heal alone.And forgiveness is never meant to cost you your safety or your soul.If you’ve struggled with guilt, pressure to “move on,” or confusion about forgiveness and faith after betrayal — this conversation was created for you.🌟 Meet Our Guest: Jeni BrockbankJeni Brockbank lives in northern Utah with her six children, where she works as a betrayal trauma coach and podcaster. She finds joy in applying the gospel of Jesus Christ to real-life challenges, floating on lazy rivers, snuggling her kids, and long lunches with good friends. She loves the color red as a reminder of her individual worth to her Heavenly Father. Jeni is also the founder of Her Wings Unfold, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting survivors of domestic violence, betrayal, and abuse.Her Wings Unfoldhttps://herwingsunfold.org/Rachel’s Booklisthttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareRachel's Newsletterhttps://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Betrayal doesn’t just break trust, it breaks the world you thought you were living in.In this powerful conversation, I’m joined by Jeni Brockbank, author of Healing in Christ’s Light, for a grounded and faith-centered discussion on the realities of abuse, addiction, abandonment, and adultery, including the deep trauma that follows.Together, we explore:What betrayal trauma actually is and why it impacts the nervous system so intenselyGaslighting and spiritual manipulation — how they warp your sense of realityWhy you start to question your sanity (hint: you’re not crazy — you’re in trauma)The difference between unsafe support that causes more harm… and safe support that helps you healHow to hold onto your identity, worth, and faith when your partner’s choices create chaosWhat real safety looks like in your body, in your soul, and in your relationshipsHow healing in the light of Christ supports truth, clarity, and empowermentThis episode is a validating reminder that: You didn’t cause this. You’re not alone in it. And your healing is sacred.If you’ve ever felt confused, spiritually conflicted, or unsure where to turn — this conversation was made for you.🌟 Meet Our Guest: Jeni BrockbankJeni lives in northern Utah with her six children, where she works as a betrayal trauma coach and podcaster. She finds joy in applying the gospel of Jesus Christ to real-life challenges, floating on lazy rivers, snuggling her kids, and long lunches with good friends. She loves the color red because it reminds her of her individual worth to her Heavenly Father. Jeni is also the founder of Her Wings Unfold, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting victims of domestic violence, betrayal, and abuse.🕊️ Listen in for grounding truth and gentle direction. You are not crazy — you are surviving trauma. And healing is possible, especially when truth and safety lead the way.Her Wings Unfoldhttps://herwingsunfold.org/December 11, 2025 WebinarOver the Rainbow: Understanding the Journey of Betrayal Trauma HealingRegister Here https://reclaim-self-trust.lovable.app/Rachel’s Booklisthttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareRachel's Newsletterhttps://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

When the person who promised to love you is the one who caused the deepest harm, it creates a specific kind of trauma — one rooted in injustice. Betrayal trauma shatters safety, damages trust, and turns your entire world upside down. And yet… women are so often told to “be more understanding,” “let it go,” or “move on.”In today’s episode, we’re naming what so many experience but rarely say out loud: What happened to you was unjust.And your anger? It’s not a flaw — it’s a sign of your worth and your wound.Together, we explore: The deep injustice of betrayal and how it reshapes your sense of realityWhy anger shows up in every chapter — past, present, and future The anger tied to uncertainty and the pain of not knowing what comes nextHow anger reflects your longing for truth, stability, and fairnessWays anger can become a guide back to clarity, safety, and self-respect We draw from insights in Betrayal Trauma Anger by Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck — not to pathologize your anger, but to understand it as a natural response to harm.You’ll walk away with a clearer understanding of your emotional reactions — especially if you’ve been judging yourself for them.Key Reminder:You are not overreacting.You are responding to a real violation.And your anger can be a powerful ally on your way back home to yourself.📚 Resource Mentioned:Betrayal Trauma Anger by Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck✨ If this episode resonates…Share it with a friend who is questioning whether what she’s feeling is “too much.”Your story deserves validation, not dismissal. And you deserve support on this journey of coming back to yourself.Rachel’s Booklisthttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareNewsletterhttps://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

ANGER! Let's talk abou it.Anger after betrayal can feel huge, sudden, or out of character — but it’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s a natural response to harm, deception, and the collapse of emotional safety.In this episode, we break down why anger shows up so strongly and how to begin processing it in ways that support your healing.We cover:Why anger in betrayal trauma feels so intenseHow gaslighting and minimization fuel angerThe protective purpose anger servesWhat happens when anger gets pushed downHow to process anger without exploding or shutting downSimple ways to support your body as anger moves throughAnger isn’t a flaw — it’s information. It’s your body responding to what happened.If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why am I this angry?” or “Is this too much?” this episode will help you understand your reaction with more clarity and compassion.Your anger makes sense. And it’s allowed.Book Discussed: Betrayal Trauma Anger by Dr. Crystal HollenbeckAbout the AuthorDr. Crystal Hollenbeck is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Anger Management Specialist, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. She helps individuals and couples heal from the devastating impact that broken trust and broken relational attachment brings including the complex trauma that results from intimate betrayal. She is a highly sought after conference speaker and has private practice in Florida where she also conducts 3-day intensives. Websitehttps://crystalhollenbeck.com/Article referenced in Interview:https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2024.2306940Bookhttps://www.amazon.com/Betrayal-Trauma-Anger-Youre-Should/dp/B0FN6P62K8/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.wM614LoIEBMWDrdQhOZoFQ.GPKnCN_hCGwnYR2zsBu3BLWQn0Nwd4kGNkZRIzGROYo&qid=1755753925&sr=8-1SCIP Protocolchrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://crystalhollenbeck.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/SCIP-Protocol-Dr.-Hollenbeck.pdfRachel's Bookshelfhttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareSign up for my Newsletter⁠⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY⁠

Anger after betrayal can feel intense, confusing, and at times overwhelming. Many women question whether their reactions are “too much” — but what if your anger is not only valid, but an essential part of your healing?In this episode, I continue to interview Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck, author of Betrayal Trauma Anger: You’re Not Crazy… You’re Angry and You Should Be! to unpack the truth about anger through the lens of betrayal trauma.Together, we explore: • What anger really is and why it shows up so strongly after betrayal • The purpose anger serves in protecting us and signaling our pain• What makes betrayal-related anger different from “typical” anger • Why suppressing anger often keeps us stuck in trauma responses • Healthy, grounded ways to move through anger without abandoning yourself • How to begin processing anger in a way that supports nervous system safety and self-reconnectionThis conversation is both validating and liberating. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is something wrong with me for feeling this angry?” — this episode will help you breathe a little easier and see your anger with more clarity and compassion.Your anger makes sense. It deserves a voice, not shame.About Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Anger Management Specialist, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. She helps individuals and couples heal from the devastating impact that broken trust and broken relational attachment brings including the complex trauma that results from intimate betrayal. She is a highly sought after conference speaker and has private practice in Florida where she also conducts 3-day intensives. Websitehttps://crystalhollenbeck.com/Article referenced in Interview:https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2024.2306940Bookhttps://www.amazon.com/Betrayal-Trauma-Anger-Youre-Should/dp/B0FN6P62K8/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.wM614LoIEBMWDrdQhOZoFQ.GPKnCN_hCGwnYR2zsBu3BLWQn0Nwd4kGNkZRIzGROYo&qid=1755753925&sr=8-1SCIP Protocolchrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://crystalhollenbeck.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/SCIP-Protocol-Dr.-Hollenbeck.pdfRachel's Bookshelfhttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareSign up for my Newsletter⁠⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY⁠

Anger after betrayal can feel intense, confusing, and at times overwhelming. Many women question whether their reactions are “too much” — but what if your anger is not only valid, but an essential part of your healing?In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck, author of Betrayal Trauma Anger: You’re Not Crazy… You’re Angry and You Should Be! to unpack the truth about anger through the lens of betrayal trauma.Together, we explore:• What anger really is and why it shows up so strongly after betrayal• The purpose anger serves in protecting us and signaling our pain• What makes betrayal-related anger different from “typical” anger• Why suppressing anger often keeps us stuck in trauma responses• Healthy, grounded ways to move through anger without abandoning yourself• How to begin processing anger in a way that supports nervous system safety and self-reconnectionThis conversation is both validating and liberating. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is something wrong with me for feeling this angry?” — this episode will help you breathe a little easier and see your anger with more clarity and compassion.Your anger makes sense. It deserves a voice, not shame.About the AuthorDr. Crystal Hollenbeck is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Anger Management Specialist, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. She helps individuals and couples heal from the devastating impact that broken trust and broken relational attachment brings including the complex trauma that results from intimate betrayal. She is a highly sought after conference speaker and has private practice in Florida where she also conducts 3-day intensives. Websitehttps://crystalhollenbeck.com/Article https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2024.2306940Bookhttps://www.amazon.com/Betrayal-Trauma-Anger-Youre-Should/dp/B0FN6P62K8/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.wM614LoIEBMWDrdQhOZoFQ.GPKnCN_hCGwnYR2zsBu3BLWQn0Nwd4kGNkZRIzGROYo&qid=1755753925&sr=8-1SCIP Protocolchrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://crystalhollenbeck.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/SCIP-Protocol-Dr.-Hollenbeck.pdfRachel's Bookshelfhttps://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17C3H1PVHJ5N9?ref_=wl_shareSign up for my Newsletter⁠⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY⁠

I offer an unscripted dive into a gaslighting experience using Sarah Morales' workbook called "Take Your Power Back." Join me as I use a real life example and explore the mapping system Sarah offers to discern gaslighting behaviors and patterns. Be sure to check out the workbook which explores the complexities of gaslighting and, as the title suggests, empowers you to step back into your truth.Pick up your copy here:⁠https://www.lulu.com/shop/sarah-morales/take-your-power-back/paperback/product-dy6kqdd.html?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAafzxFCsevAkzaUSUgKdWfGAffardpSOOnCe5eTEkX9DX7rzrwm8GhpoE6r95g_aem_Re9zqCw2lDYuGgJJX1Q_Xw&page=1&pageSize=4⁠Check out all that Sarah has to offer at Sarahmoralescoaching.comSarah Morales is  the owner and creator of Deconstructing Gaslighting® and is widely recognized as an expert and thought leader on the topic of Gaslighting. She helps raise public awareness on this topic through her many public platforms and creates programs that help empower victims of Gaslighting. Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy is a groundbreaking educational and training resource that provides programs for every facet of Gaslighting experiences. With programs for the victims of gaslighting, the perpetrators of gaslighting that are in recovery, and helping professionals, Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy aims to be THE source people go to receive the life-changing education and tools they need to heal from the effects of Gaslighting and “Take their power back”.Sarah currently sits on the board of APSATS (the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), consults & contracts with numerous helping professionals, and is frequently invited as a guest speaker at national conferences and on podcasts.Her passion to empower others to transform their lives fuels her work with her clients and pushes her to continue developing new programs on the cutting edge of helping others grow to know, trust, and love themselves more than they knew was possible.Rachel's Bookshelf⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/TQFT9UQXEORQ?ref_=wl_share⁠⁠Sign up for my Newsletter⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Join me in part 2 as I continue interviewing gaslighting expert, Sarah Morales. She has written an amazing workbook called "Take Your Power Back" which explores the complexities of gaslighting and, as the title suggests, empowers you to step back into your truth.I split the interview up into two parts because we had so much to discuss. You don't want to miss this!Pick up a copy of the workbook here:⁠https://www.lulu.com/shop/sarah-morales/take-your-power-back/paperback/product-dy6kqdd.html?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAafzxFCsevAkzaUSUgKdWfGAffardpSOOnCe5eTEkX9DX7rzrwm8GhpoE6r95g_aem_Re9zqCw2lDYuGgJJX1Q_Xw&page=1&pageSize=4⁠and check out all that Sarah has to offer at Sarahmoralescoaching.comSarah Morales is  the owner and creator of Deconstructing Gaslighting® and is widely recognized as an expert and thought leader on the topic of Gaslighting. She helps raise public awareness on this topic through her many public platforms and creates programs that help empower victims of Gaslighting. Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy is a groundbreaking educational and training resource that provides programs for every facet of Gaslighting experiences. With programs for the victims of gaslighting, the perpetrators of gaslighting that are in recovery, and helping professionals, Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy aims to be THE source people go to receive the life-changing education and tools they need to heal from the effects of Gaslighting and “Take their power back”.Sarah currently sits on the board of APSATS (the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), consults & contracts with numerous helping professionals, and is frequently invited as a guest speaker at national conferences and on podcasts.Her passion to empower others to transform their lives fuels her work with her clients and pushes her to continue developing new programs on the cutting edge of helping others grow to know, trust, and love themselves more than they knew was possible.Rachel's Bookshelf⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/TQFT9UQXEORQ?ref_=wl_share⁠⁠Sign up for my Newsletter⁠https://l.bttr.to/iKgcY

Join me as I interview gaslighting expert, Sarah Morales. She has written an amazing workbook called "Take Your Power Back" which explores the complexities of gaslighting and, as the title suggests, empowers you to step back into your truth.I split the interview up into two parts because we had so much to discuss. You don't want to miss this! Pick up a copy of the workbook here:https://www.lulu.com/shop/sarah-morales/take-your-power-back/paperback/product-dy6kqdd.html?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAafzxFCsevAkzaUSUgKdWfGAffardpSOOnCe5eTEkX9DX7rzrwm8GhpoE6r95g_aem_Re9zqCw2lDYuGgJJX1Q_Xw&page=1&pageSize=4and check out all that Sarah has to offer at Sarahmoralescoaching.comSarah Morales is  the owner and creator of Deconstructing Gaslighting® and is widely recognized as an expert and thought leader on the topic of Gaslighting. She helps raise public awareness on this topic through her many public platforms and creates programs that help empower victims of Gaslighting. Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy is a groundbreaking educational and training resource that provides programs for every facet of Gaslighting experiences. With programs for the victims of gaslighting, the perpetrators of gaslighting that are in recovery, and helping professionals, Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy aims to be THE source people go to receive the life-changing education and tools they need to heal from the effects of Gaslighting and “Take their power back”.Sarah currently sits on the board of APSATS (the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), consults & contracts with numerous helping professionals, and is frequently invited as a guest speaker at national conferences and on podcasts.Her passion to empower others to transform their lives fuels her work with her clients and pushes her to continue developing new programs on the cutting edge of helping others grow to know, trust, and love themselves more than they knew was possible.Rachel's Bookshelf⁠https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/TQFT9UQXEORQ?ref_=wl_share⁠Sign up for my Newsletterhttps://l.bttr.to/iKgcY