We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling

Listener Subscriptionhttps://weneedtotalkwithdrdarcysterling.supercast.com/You didn’t outgrow the drama. You outgrew the discomfort — and now your life reflects it.If protecting yourself keeps costing you people, that’s not self-respect.In this episode, I examine how self-protection can quietly turn into relational withdrawal — not through dramatic exits, but through small, repeated acts of disengagement.Avoidance rarely announces itself. It disguises itself as maturity. As boundaries. As emotional intelligence. As “protecting your peace.” And in the moment, it works. Your nervous system settles. The tension drops. Relief arrives.But nothing replaces what you stepped away from.I’m talking about the unanswered text. The conversation you let die. The misunderstanding you didn’t correct. The moment you told yourself it wasn’t worth the energy. Over time, those small decisions accumulate — and your world gets smaller. Fewer invitations. Fewer conversations that matter. Fewer moments where you feel known.Not because people rejected you. Because opting out became your most practiced skill.In this episode, I break down:The difference between regulation and avoidanceHow short-term relief creates long-term disconnectionWhy discomfort is not the same as dangerWhat staying present actually requiresThis isn’t about abandoning boundaries. It’s about asking whether “peace” has quietly become isolation.REFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounsleing.comCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. Listener Subscriptionhttps://weneedtotalkwithdrdarcysterling.supercast.com/

Listener Subscriptionhttps://weneedtotalkwithdrdarcysterling.supercast.com/Estrangement can bring peace and still leave a mark — this episode names what doesn’t disappear after no contact, even when the decision was necessary and right.In this episode we examine the psychological impact of family estrangement and the hidden emotional cost of going no contact. While estrangement often brings immediate relief—reducing conflict, stress, and daily friction—relief is not the same as closure. Attachment bonds do not automatically dissolve when contact ends, and unresolved dynamics can remain psychologically active long after the decision is made.Joined by Dr. Joshua Coleman, this episode explores the tension many people experience after estrangement: feeling certain about the choice while still carrying complex or unfinished emotions. Rather than debating whether estrangement is right or wrong, the conversation focuses on what happens internally once a relationship is severed.In this episode, we explore:Why no contact does not guarantee emotional resolutionThe role of ambiguous loss in family estrangementHow attachment bonds persist after physical separationThe long-term impact of parent–adult child estrangementThe difference between boundaries and emotional avoidanceThis episode offers a clinically grounded look at estrangement, attachment, and the work required for true emotional integration.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comRules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties & How to Heal the ConflictCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  Twitter:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. Listener Subscriptionhttps://weneedtotalkwithdrdarcysterling.supercast.com/

Listener SubscriptionThis episode is about the small moments when you decide not to say what you actually feel. The sentence you soften, the need you interrupt, the truth you edit to keep things smooth. And how, over time, those reasonable choices create distance inside a relationship that still technically works.Being partnered is often used as evidence that loneliness shouldn’t exist. In this episode, I talk about why that assumption keeps people stuck — and how loneliness can show up even inside a relationship that looks stable, consistent, and intact.I break down how emotional isolation is often created not by absence, but by a series of small, reasonable-seeming choices: staying agreeable instead of specific, staying regulated instead of exposed, and prioritizing stability over honesty. Over time, those choices quietly disconnect people from themselves and from each other.This episode looks at the difference between restraint and avoidance, why swallowing your truth can feel like maturity, and how loneliness often appears immediately after you choose not to say what actually mattered.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why loneliness can exist inside a relationship, not just outside of one.How prioritizing peace, stability, and being “reasonable” can slowly erode emotional presence.The moment where loneliness actually begins — and why it’s easy to miss.If you’ve ever felt alone while technically being with someone, this episode explains what’s happening underneath — and why that feeling isn’t random.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube.Listener Subscription

Listener SubscriptionThis episode is about why insight creates clarity but not change — and what actually has to happen for your brain to stop knowing better and start doing better.Most people can explain their patterns. They know their attachment style, their triggers, their history, and why they react the way they do. In this episode, I look at why all of that insight so often fails to produce real change — and why understanding yourself can feel productive while keeping you stuck.I break down the difference between insight and evidence, why the brain doesn’t update from awareness alone, and how real change actually happens: through doing something different first, and letting your nervous system learn from what follows.I’m joined by Emma McAdam, who has helped millions of people make sense of their emotional world, to talk about what happens after insight — the part where most people stop — and what it really takes to move from knowing better to doing better.We talk about why people repeat the same reactions even when they know they don’t work, how “later” becomes a way of never changing, and why the feeling people are waiting for doesn’t come from thinking — it comes from acting.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why insight and self-understanding don’t automatically lead to behavior change.How the brain actually updates through evidence created by new actions.What it takes to move from analyzing your patterns to doing something different in real time.If you’ve ever felt like you understand yourself but keep repeating the same reactions, the same conflicts, and the same outcomes, this episode explains what’s missing between knowing and changing.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comwww.therapyinanutshell.comCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

Listener SubscriptionWhen mental-health language becomes content, it can start teaching us how to leave discomfort elegantly instead of how to stay long enough to actually change.Most of us assume that consuming mental health content is making us more emotionally intelligent. In this episode, I look at a different possibility: that the way platforms reward and distribute this content may be teaching us how to avoid discomfort more elegantly, not how to stay in it long enough to grow or repair.I break down how algorithms shape what kinds of emotional messages spread, why content that encourages exit and self-protection travels farther than content that asks for accountability, and what happens when therapy language becomes optimized for performance, shares, and watch time.I’m joined by Kati Morton, a licensed therapist and one of the largest mental health creators on YouTube, to talk about what happens not just to audiences, but to mental health itself, when therapeutic ideas become content at scale.We talk about how emotional vocabulary shifts from being a tool for repair to a tool for image management, why discomfort is increasingly framed as toxicity, and what that means for relationships, responsibility, and emotional development.In this episode, you’ll learn:How social media algorithms shape which mental health messages spread and which ones disappear.Why viral therapy content often teaches emotional exit instead of emotional endurance.What it means for relationships and accountability when therapeutic language becomes optimized for performance.If you consume a lot of mental health content and have ever wondered why it sometimes makes things feel easier but not actually better, this episode explains the tension underneath.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comwww.KatiMorton.com Why Do I Keep Doing This?: Unlearn the Habits Keeping You Stuck and UnhappyCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. Listener Subscription

⁠Listener SubscriptionBefore sadness, guilt, or hurt can register, accountability lands—and therapy language rushes in to protect how we see ourselves instead of staying in the relationship.We like to think emotional language makes relationships safer. In this episode, I examine how words like boundaries, triggered, and protecting my peace are often used to avoid accountability without looking like avoidance.I break down how conflict quietly gets reframed from “what happened between us” to “how you made me feel by bringing this up,” how this shift changes the power dynamic in a relationship, and why it trains partners to stop telling the truth over time.This pattern doesn’t usually end relationships through big fights. It erodes them through silence, hesitation, and conversations that never happen — until distance becomes the default.This episode looks at what “staying” actually means in real conflict: not performing calm, not using language to exit, but remaining present long enough to hear impact instead of protecting your position.In this episode, you’ll learn:How emotional and therapy language can function as an avoidance strategy in conflictWhy choosing “peace” over repair slowly drains intimacy from relationshipsWhat it practically means to stay in a hard conversation instead of exiting itIf you’ve ever felt like your relationship is calm but distant, or like hard conversations keep disappearing instead of getting resolved, this episode explains the pattern underneath.Xxoo DarcyListener SubscriptionREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. Listener Subscription

Listener SubscriptionIn the season opener of We Need To Talk, I sit down with bestselling therapist and founder of Relational Life Therapy, Terry Real, to expose the part of you that’s actually running your relationships. We talk about the “younger part” that learned to survive in your family, how it hijacks your adult brain in conflict, and what it takes to get your wise adult back online when all you want to do is fight, flee, or fix. Terry doesn’t just explain the model—he uses me and my marriage as the live example. If your relationships keep looping the same arguments, this episode is the map.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comTerryreal.comRelationallife.comwww.instagram.com/realterryreal/Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship CREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. Listener Subscription

Season 3

Before we get into this, I want to name why this episode exists.A while back, I interviewedMolly Roden Winter about her book More. It became one of the most listened-to episodes of this show. Not because it was shocking—but because it challenged something people quietly assume they’re not allowed to question.While I was reading the book, I kept thinking about one thing: I want to hear this from the other side.This episode is that conversation.This is me talking with Stewart Winter, Molly’s husband, about what it’s actually like to live inside a relationship that refuses to default to the script. Not theoretically. Not philosophically. Practically.We talk about intensity. About choosing a partner who doesn’t make you comfortable—but makes you honest. About the difference between expanding a relationship and escaping one. And about how people use concepts like “open-mindedness” to avoid reckoning with their own limits.This isn’t an episode about monogamy versus non-monogamy.It’s about what happens when you stop outsourcing your choices to culture—and start owning the consequences of the life you build.Listen carefully. Because the real question underneath all of this isn’t what kind of relationship do you want.It’s whether you’re willing to tolerate the version of yourself that your relationship requires.A couple of months ago, I interviewed New York Times bestselling author, Molly Roden Winter. Her book, “More: A Memoir of Open Marriage” documents her journey as a Brooklyn Mom who ventures into the world of polyamory, as she opens her marriage. My interview with her sparked such a buzz from listeners — more than any other episode of WNTT. It’s linked below if you haven’t listened.  I just re-read her book while I was on a vacation and I have to tell you, about every 50 pages I found myself taken aback by how well her husband Stewart navigated their experience. He was repeatedly in situations where there were five wrong ways of responding to things, and in my opinion, he consistently landed on the right one. Was he lucky? Or has he actually been taught relationship skills? Those were the answers I wanted, so I invited him to join me.Stewart Winter did not disappoint.CREDITSThis episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Link to Molly’s book: More: A Memoir of Open Marriage DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  Twitter:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

Before we get into today’s episode, I want to take a moment to reintroduce one of the most important conversations I’ve ever had on this show.This episode — Rethinking Monogamy — is the most downloaded episode of We Need to Talk.I recorded this early in the life of the podcast, and it still holds up because it doesn’t argue for or against monogamy. It looks closely at why so many people struggle inside the relationship model they’re told is the only legitimate option.Whether or not monogamy is right for you isn’t the point.The point is understanding why so many people stay in relationships that look right, but don’t actually feel right — and what it costs when we never question that gap.If this is your first time hearing it, you’re about to listen to a thoughtful, grounded conversation that’s just as relevant now as it was then.And if you’ve listened before, it’s worth hearing again with fresh ears.In the west, monogamy is our default relationship model. But, to be clear, monogamy is a social construct. It is not inherent to our biology. That’s an important fact to keep in mind throughout today’s conversation with New York Times Best Selling author, Molly Roden Winter, whose recent book “More: A Memoir of Open Marriage,” documents her journey through non-monogamy. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why humans adopted monogamy as our dominant relationship construct (the answer is grim).The surprising response she got from her therapist about opening up her marriage.  Her advice on how to initiate a conversation with your partner about non-monogamy, should you be inclined. XxooDarcyREFERENCESwww.alternativescounseling.comhttps://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htmKim, J. H., Tam, W. S., & Muennig, P. (2017). Sociodemographic Correlates of Sexlessness Among American Adults and Associations with Self-Reported Happiness Levels: Evidence from the U.S. General Social Survey. Archives of sexual behavior, 46(8), 2403–2415. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-0968-7Lei, L., & South, S. J. (2021). Explaining the decline in young adult sexual activity in the United States. Journal of Marriage and Family, 83(1), 280-295.Solomon NG, Ophir AG. Editorial: What's Love Got to Do With It: The Evolution of Monogamy. Front Ecol Evol. 2020 Apr;8:110. doi: 10.3389/fevo.2020.00110. Epub 2020 Apr 28. PMID: 32782899; PMCID: PMC7416880.https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/human-monogamy-has-deep-roots/More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Roden WinterSubstack: mollyrodenwinter.comCREDITSThis episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling, with editorial support from Vicki Vergolina. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube.

In this episode, I’m unpacking one of the most misunderstood dynamics in modern relationships: Certainty.Most people think relationship breakdown happens because emotions run too hot or arguments get too big. But what actually corrodes connection over time is something quieter and far more dangerous — the belief that your perspective is the objective truth.When we treat our interpretation as fact, disagreement stops being information and starts feeling like a threat. Curiosity shuts down. Defensiveness takes over. And instead of two people trying to understand each other, you end up with two people trying to win.I walk through why the mind clings to certainty even when it costs us intimacy, how rigid thinking turns everyday moments into power struggles, and what it actually looks like to move from being “right” to being connected. This isn’t about abandoning your reality — it’s about learning how to hold it without weaponizing it against the people you care about most.What you’ll walk away with:How certainty masquerades as emotional safety — and why it quietly undermines trust and closeness.The difference between having a perspective and defending it at all costs, especially during conflict.Practical ways to loosen rigid thinking so conversations become collaborative instead of combative.If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same arguments, unheard by your partner, or convinced that the problem is simply that they “don’t get it,” this episode will challenge you — and give you a more effective way forward.Follow and subscribe to We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more evidence-based tools to build stronger, more resilient relationships.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

Have you ever looked at your relationship history and thought, “How am I here again?”Different person, different story, yet somehow the emotional blueprint feels eerily familiar.In this episode, I walk you through what’s actually driving those repetitive relationship dynamics — not the behaviors you consciously notice, but the unconscious patterns that get activated long before you realize what’s happening. These patterns come from early learning, attachment, and the roles you were shaped to play in relationships. And unless you bring them into awareness, they continue choosing for you.Think of this as a systems upgrade. I want you to understand the internal rules you’ve been following without knowing it — the ones that dictate who you’re drawn to, what feels “chemically right,” and why certain dysfunctions feel familiar. Once you can name your pattern, you can interrupt it and finally write a new script.We’ll also talk about what healthy connection feels like when you stop outsourcing your self-worth to old wiring and what shifts internally when you stop mistaking intensity for intimacy.What You’ll LearnWhy certain dynamics feel magnetic even when they’re unhealthy.How your unconscious patterning influences who you pursue and who you stay with.What it takes to break the cycle and choose differently, not just date differently.If you’re tired of the same story with different characters, this episode will help you understand the mechanics of your pattern and show you what it takes to break it for good.If you found this episode helpful, be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe to We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling so you never miss a new conversation.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube.

Today we’re pulling back the curtain on a cultural shift that’s been quietly reshaping how we function in relationships, work, and daily life. Somewhere along the way, the language of therapy stopped being a tool for healing — and became a script for avoidance.Suddenly everything is “toxic.” Every tough conversation is a “boundary violation.” And any feeling — no matter how fleeting — is treated as absolute truth.But here’s the reality: Feelings are signals, not facts. And when we mistake one for the other, we lose our capacity to tolerate discomfort, repair ruptures, and stay connected when things get hard.In this episode, I’m joined by RaQuel Hopkins — whose work on emotional resilience and discomfort tolerance is both grounded and refreshingly honest. Together, we break down how therapy-speak has gone off the rails and what it actually looks like to build psychological strength in a culture that rewards fragility.You’ll walk away with:A clearer understanding of why “therapy language” exploded culturally — and why so much of it is being misused.The difference between true boundaries and avoidant behavior disguised as self-care.Practical tools for strengthening emotional resilience so you can stay regulated and present, even when things get uncomfortable.If you’re tired of oversimplified wellness advice, if you want relationships that can handle real conflict, or if you’re ready for a more honest conversation about feelings, facts, and personal responsibility, this episode is for you.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comRaQuel HopkinsInstagramThe Capacity WorkbookThe Capacity JournalThe NewsletterCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

This week, a lot of us are heading into family time, which can be beautiful, but it can also bring up old patterns, old roles, old emotions. And while the holidays are not the time to sit someone down for a difficult conversation, they are the time when those conversations start to weigh on us.So before we dive in, I want you to think of today's episode as grounding, as clarity, not as a call to action. This is about understanding your own emotional patterns, recognizing what gets activated around the people who raised you, and getting honest with yourself about what you need without feeling like you have to fix anything this week. So as you listen, take what helps you feel steadier and leave the rest. There's no homework today, no confrontation plan, no conversation you should be having at Thanksgiving, just insight, just support. Let's get into it.Ever find yourself replaying a conversation in your head—over and over—only to avoid it altogether? Maybe you want to tell a friend they hurt your feelings. Or ask for a raise. Or bring up that thing your partner said that’s still bothering you.We all do it. But why? Why do we avoid conversations that could actually improve our relationships—and our lives?Most of us dodge these talks because we fear conflict or don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. But avoiding the conversation doesn’t make the discomfort go away. It causes it to fester.Today, I’m joined by someone who knows this terrain professionally and personally—my wife, Steph Sterling, LCSW. She also happens to be the most talented couples therapist I know.In this episode, we unpack:How to tell if you’re avoiding a conversation out of fear or just waiting for the right time.The biggest mistakes people make when they finally speak up.How to navigate tough talks in a way that brings you closer together instead of pulling you apart (step-by-step).Plus… Steph shares some stories about our own struggles that just might surprise you.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCESwww.alternativescounseling.comGetting The Love You Want Forbes Article: Are Your Employees Avoiding Difficult Conversations?https://www.instagram.com/steph_sterling_lcsw/https://alternativescounseling.com/meet-the-owners/steph/CREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterlingFacebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

In this episode, I’m unpacking one of the most disorienting experiences in relationships: The disconnect between being loved and feeling loved. It’s a gap that can quietly erode security and connection — not because something is “wrong” with you, but because your internal wiring, attachment history, and relational expectations shape how love lands in your system.I’m breaking down why some relationships look healthy from the outside yet feel emotionally thin on the inside… and what to do when your partner is doing “all the right things” but the experience still doesn’t register in your nervous system. This isn’t about blame — it’s about understanding your emotional blueprint so you can build relationships that feel nourishing, not just functional.We’ll talk about the subtle cues your body looks for when determining whether connection is real, how old attachment patterns can override present-day reality, and why your partner’s efforts sometimes don’t translate into the felt sense of being cherished. And most importantly: What it actually takes to close that gap.You’ll walk away with:A clearer understanding of why “love received” doesn’t always equal “love perceived.Tools to identify what your nervous system needs to register safety and closeness, even when your partner is showing up consistently.A roadmap for bridging the emotional gap, so your relationships feel more reciprocal, attuned, and deeply connected.If this landed for you, go hit follow. It takes a second and it keeps these conversations coming.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling  Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

Emotional flexibility is one of the most underrated skills we have — and one of the most powerful indicators of resilience. In this episode, I’m breaking down what it actually means to be emotionally flexible, how it shows up in your day-to-day life, and why it becomes the make-or-break factor when life blindsides you.Whether you’re navigating a breakup, a professional detour, or a season of uncertainty, emotional flexibility determines whether you adapt, shut down, or spiral. And the good news? It’s a skill you can build at any age.Today, I’ll walk you through the behaviors that signal strong emotional flexibility, the patterns that tell me you’re struggling with it, and the practices that strengthen your ability to pivot without losing your center. This work isn’t about “staying positive” — it’s about staying grounded.What You’ll LearnHow emotional flexibility influences the way you respond when life shifts suddenly.The common signs that you’re resisting reality instead of adapting to it.Practical strategies to build emotional flexibility so you can bounce back faster.Before you go, make sure you’re following and subscribed. It helps the show grow, and it means you’ll never miss an episode. Talk to you next week.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

I never thought I’d say this — especially as someone who spent years shaping the online dating landscape — but here we are. Today, we’re asking a radical question that’s starting to feel less radical and more necessary: Are dating apps actually getting in the way of connection?If you’ve ever felt exhausted by endless swipes, ghost-town DMs, or conversations that die faster than they start, you are not alone. In fact, even the most emotionally intelligent and intentional daters are hitting a wall. The problem isn’t the match — it’s what happens (or doesn’t) after it.I’m joined again by my friend, happiness expert and dating coach, Robert Mack, and together we’re unpacking why so many smart, capable, emotionally available people are burning out in a landscape that was supposed to help us meet someone — not numb us, distract us, or make us feel disposable.This episode isn’t about bashing dating apps — it’s about telling the truth, exploring what’s shifted culturally and psychologically, and deciding whether stepping away from the algorithm might be the most powerful dating move you make this year.We’re rethinking the system, your mindset, your habits — and what it actually takes to build meaningful romantic connection in a world addicted to swiping.In this episode, you’ll learn:What’s changed in online dating culture — and why it’s impacting even the most intentional daters.How choice overload and digital burnout are sabotaging real-world romance.The mindset shift required to date with discernment, confidence, and actual joy againIf you're feeling depleted, disillusioned, or curious about what dating could look like without apps running the show, this episode is your permission slip to rethink everything.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comwww.coachrobmack.comHappiness From The Inside OutLove From the Inside OutCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

We all know that changing a habit is hard — especially one that’s been socially accepted for generations. Alcohol is woven into how we celebrate, relax, and connect. But what if technology could help us drink more consciously, instead of forcing us into an all-or-nothing mindset?In this episode, I sit down with Nick Allen, CEO and co-founder of Sunnyside, an app that helps people make more mindful choices about alcohol — without the shame, judgment, or labels that so often come with it. We talk about how data, psychology, and behavioral design are revolutionizing the way we think about drinking.This isn’t a conversation about quitting. It’s a conversation about awareness — and how a little insight can lead to massive transformation.Here’s what you’ll learn:Why traditional narratives about drinking (“you’re fine or you’re an addict”) don’t reflect most people’s reality.How tech tools like Sunnyside use behavioral psychology and habit tracking to create lasting change.The small, science-backed shifts that can help you drink more mindfully — starting tonight.If this episode resonates with you, follow or subscribe to We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling. It’s free, it takes a second, and it helps keep powerful conversations like this coming your way.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.com See if Sunnyside is a fit for you here: https://sunnyside.cohttps://www.researchgate.net/publication/362788017_Why_do_adults_drink_alcohol_Development_and_validation_of_a_Drinking_Motives_Questionnaire_for_adults?utm_source=chatgpt.comhttps://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36641592/https://www.who.int/europe/news/item/04-01-2023-no-level-of-alcohol-consumption-is-safe-for-our-health?utm_source=chatgpt.comCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  Twitter:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling  Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

We’ve all gotten pretty good at spotting red flags — emotional unavailability, inconsistent texting, the subtle (or not-so-subtle) signs that someone’s not ready for real intimacy. But what about the other side of the spectrum? The green flags — the behaviors that quietly signal emotional maturity and long-term potential.In this episode, I’m flipping the script. I’ll walk you through the 5 green flags that predict lasting love — the therapist’s cheat sheet to recognizing when someone is actually relationship material. And here’s the twist: Most of these green flags are learnable skills. That means you can cultivate them in yourself as much as you can look for them in others.Whether you’re single and dating or in a relationship and wanting to deepen your connection, this episode will help you recognize the traits that actually sustain love over time — not just spark it.Here’s What You’ll LearnWhy emotional regulation is the ultimate green flag — and how it predicts how safe you’ll feel in a relationship.How repair attempts after conflict reveal long-term potential (hint: it’s not about avoiding fights).The small, often-missed signs of empathy, accountability, and curiosity — the real markers of relational health.If you’ve ever wondered what actually separates relationships that last from those that don’t, this is the episode for you. Because the truth is, chemistry might get you in the door — but green flags are what keep you there.Xxoo DarcyPS: If you found this episode helpful, share it with someone who could use a little hope about what healthy love really looks like.REFERENCES/RESOURCESwww.alternativescounseling.comCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

Full episode here → Apple/ Spotify/ You TubeIn today’s world, sharing an opinion can feel like stepping onto a battlefield. We fear being judged, misunderstood, or canceled—so we stay silent. Or worse, we speak at each other instead of with each other. But real connection isn’t about having the perfect words. It’s about showing up with curiosity, intention, and presence—even when it’s uncomfortable.In this powerful conversation, I’m joined by legendary therapists and relationship experts Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, creators of Imago Therapy and authors of the new book How to Talk With Anyone About Anything. We unpack the deeper purpose of conversation, how to reconnect during moments of conflict, and why our differences might actually be the gateway to deeper intimacy.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why differences don’t mean you’re incompatible—and how they can lead to greater intimacy.The #1 most effective tool to stay grounded and present in uncomfortable conversations.The one thing that must be present in every relationship if you want it to be healthy.PLUS: I bring Harville one of my most triggering real-life scenarios—and ask him to walk me through it. And he does not disappoint. Xxoo DarcyREFERENCESGetting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Third EditionHow to Talk with Anyone about Anything: The Practice of Safe ConversationsKeeping the Love You Find: A Personal GuideDoing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between: A Clinician's GuideThe Space Between: The Point of ConnectionMaking Marriage Simple: Ten Relationship-Saving TruthsCREDITS“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube.