HIV: The Morning After

In 1993, Angelina Namiba was finishing her finals at Manchester Metropolitan University when she fell seriously ill. Her GP suggested an HIV test. She took the referral paper, put it under her bed, and didn't go. When he wrote again, underlining "strongly" in red, she went for the test but never collected the results. She already knew what HIV looked like. Her brother, studying in London, had been in and out of specialist wards with Kaposi's sarcoma, meningitis, and epileptic fits. He died at Mildmay Hospice. She was terrified.Eventually, pre-test counselling gave her the courage to try again. A friend from secondary school in Kenya called and said: ring me when you get the result. Whatever it is, I'll be there. Angelina tested positive in her early twenties, believing she had perhaps six months to live.She didn't die. She took a job the same week as her diagnosis to keep busy whilst waiting for the end. That decision, and the peer support she found through organisations run by gay men who already knew how to do this work, kept her going. In 1998, she had a daughter, born HIV-free thanks to treatment during pregnancy. She went on to co-found the 4M Network, training mentor mothers to support women through the pregnancy journey. And with four other African women living with HIV in the UK, she co-authored Our Stories Told by Us, a book reclaiming the narrative from statistics and tragedy.Timestamped Takeaways00:02:09 - Before diagnosis. Angelina was focussed on her university finals. As a foreign student from Kenya, she needed to justify the fees her mother had paid.00:03:11 - The spirit of Harambee. In Kenya, communities come together to help those in need, whether for school fees, funerals, or weddings. This collective spirit shaped Angelina's approach to peer support.00:04:41 - The test she didn't take. After her GP suggested an HIV test, Angelina put the referral under her bed and went to the library to look up hepatitis B instead. HIV felt too frightening to face.00:06:32 - No information for women like her. Everything Angelina had seen about HIV featured white gay men. The image of Freddie Mercury on the tabloids after his death. Men getting ill and dying. Nothing aimed at African women.00:07:55 - The letter underlined in red. When Angelina still hadn't gone for the test, her GP wrote again, underlining "strongly" in red ink. That scared her enough to go.00:10:09 - What she already knew. Angelina's brother had been diagnosed before her. She watched him develop Kaposi's sarcoma, meningitis, and epileptic fits. He spent his final year between specialist wards and died at Mildmay Hospice. This was her understanding of HIV.00:11:24 - A friend at the end of the line. Before going for her results, Angelina's school friend from Kenya said: call me whatever happens. Knowing someone was waiting made it possible to face the news.00:12:40 - Two ways to take it. Diagnosed in her early twenties, Angelina decided she could either go negative or make the most of her remaining time. She chose the latter.00:13:24 - Finally, another woman. A friend came to Angelina with news of her own diagnosis. Angelina's response: yes, finally, another woman in London living with HIV. Her friend took her to support groups.00:14:47 - Learning from gay men. The main support available came from organisations led by gay men who already understood stigma, illness, and mutual aid. They welcomed the women and showed them how to do support work themselves.00:16:43 - Stigma and silence. Many African women were being diagnosed but not accessing services. Internalised stigma, fear of judgement, and the taboo around talking about...

SummaryAlexander Cheves grew up on a 500-acre farm in rural Georgia, raised by evangelical missionary parents who blocked gay websites and warned him that choosing this "lifestyle" meant choosing death. At sixteen, he decided to come out anyway, convinced he was trading a long life for a brief, honest one. He tested positive for HIV at twenty, in 2013, during his final year of college.What followed wasn't the manageable adjustment the medical timeline might suggest. In the six months after diagnosis, Alexander fell into a depression so severe he nearly didn't survive it. He went through a period of manic sex without disclosure, behaviour he's since written about with unflinching honesty in his memoir My Love Is a Beast. He later learned from infectious disease specialists that this response is statistically common, though rarely discussed.This conversation covers Alexander's decade as a sex worker, his move from Atlanta to New York to Berlin, his relationship with drugs and nightlife, and his views on HIV criminalisation and personal responsibility. He talks about friends who didn't make it, including one who died after "bug chasing" and never sought treatment. And he reflects on turning thirty, an age his father once predicted he wouldn't reach, and discovering that life only got better from there.Timestamped Takeaways00:02:25 - Growing up isolated. Alexander describes the 500-acre farm, the Christian parental blockers, and arriving at college in 2010 believing gay life still looked like 1985.00:05:18 - Choosing death over the closet. At sixteen, Alexander made a conscious decision that a brief, honest life was preferable to survival in hiding. He wrote a 13-page poem debating it with himself.00:09:37 - The closet is unendurable. Alexander reflects on why so many queer men choose perceived shorter lives over staying hidden. The daily anxiety of concealment, he argues, is a form of suffering that cannot be sustained.00:12:20 - College and consequences. With no sex education from his parents, Alexander went wild. He was in and out of the student health clinic constantly. In hindsight, testing positive at twenty was no surprise.00:14:43 - The drive to the clinic. When the clinic refused to give results over the phone, Alexander knew. The six months that followed were the hardest of his life to survive.00:16:05 - 2013 realities. Pre-PrEP, pre-U=U. Doctors worried about medication adherence in young patients. Alexander was told disclosure was entirely his responsibility.00:18:04 - No one would touch him. Overnight, his sex life ended. The only partners willing to engage were older men who understood HIV. These "gay daddies" saved his life.00:19:52 - The manic period. Alexander describes anonymous, strategic sex without disclosure in the months before medication. He later learned this response is clinically documented, though he'd thought himself uniquely transgressive.00:24:22 - Sex work and healing. Alexander spent nearly a decade as an escort, learning that many clients simply wanted someone to talk to. The loneliest were often older men who'd lost everyone in the plague years.00:29:02 - Drugs, loneliness, and gay culture. Higher rates of substance abuse among gay men, Alexander suggests, stem from isolation, societal trauma, and a culture built in spaces of consumption.00:30:17 - Harm reduction, not abstinence. Therapists at Gay Men's Health Crisis in New York focussed on moderation. Combined with daily meditation started after diagnosis, Alexander found a relationship with drugs that works for him.00:36:09 - The friend...

SummaryIn 1987, Chris Smith received an HIV diagnosis and was told he might have months to live. His doctor's advice? Learn to live with uncertainty. Thirty-eight years later, he's the Chancellor of Cambridge University.This episode traces Chris's journey through the darkest years of the epidemic whilst serving in the heart of British politics. He recounts the moment he came out as gay at a Rugby rally in 1984, his hands shaking, only to receive a standing ovation twenty seconds into his speech. He describes navigating Section 28 debates whilst secretly managing Kaposi's sarcoma and the brutal side effects of alpha interferon. And he shares the unlikely deal he struck with the Sunday Times that eventually led to a phone call from Nelson Mandela.Chris reflects on what it meant to carry a secret whilst holding public office, the transformation that combination therapy brought, and the friend he lost in the late 80s whose memory still stays with him. His closing message is characteristically direct: be yourself, be unafraid, and tell your story in your own way.Timestamped Takeaways00:02:23 - Coming out at Rugby, 1984. Chris describes the moment he decided, mid-rally, to publicly declare his sexuality. A thousand people stood and applauded before he'd finished his first sentence.00:07:32 - Public attitudes shifted faster than politics. Chris observes that ordinary people coming out in their families, workplaces, and neighbourhoods drove change more than any politician or celebrity.00:10:13 - The terror of early awareness. News of the virus filtered through from America. Government tombstone adverts amplified fear rather than understanding.00:12:41 - "Learn to live with uncertainty." Chris's doctor delivered this advice in the days before AZT. It became a guiding principle for the next four decades.00:15:14 - Section 28 and finding love. Amid vile parliamentary speeches, Chris spotted an attractive young man across a committee room. They ended up living together for 24 years.00:17:56 - Kaposi's sarcoma arrives. The visible marker of AIDS in films like Philadelphia appeared on Chris's body, though thankfully not where the public could see.00:19:07 - Alpha interferon hell. For a year, Chris oscillated between feeling like he had severe flu and feeling normal, all whilst maintaining a demanding public role.00:22:01 - Combination therapy changes everything. Suddenly there was hope. Side effects disappeared. Viral loads became undetectable.00:25:19 - The Sunday Times deal. A journalist discovered Chris's status. Rather than fight it, Chris negotiated: hold the story, and when he was ready, the paper would have the exclusive.00:28:55 - Mandela calls. Two years after the deal, inspired by Mandela's speech at his son's funeral, Chris went public. The next morning, a note on his desk read: "Please ring Mr. Mandela."00:35:07 - Living with uncertainty today. Combination therapy has transformed the nature of uncertainty, but no one yet knows what 38 years of living with HIV means for the decades ahead.00:36:16 - Remembering a friend. Chris recalls visiting a friend in his final weeks, a man once full of the joys of existence, now shrivelled and gaunt. The shock of seeing him was greater than losing him.00:37:36 - The postcard to the world. "Be yourself. Be unafraid, and tell your story in your own way."Guest BioLord Chris Smith was elected MP for Islington South and Finsbury in 1983. He became Britain's first MP to voluntarily come out as gay in 1984, the world's first...

Ten episodes of brilliance from ten inspiring people living with HIV.Episode 1 drops Friday 6 February, 2026.Email: HIVTheMorningAfter@gmail.comLinks:Other work from Producer Dan Hall.Positively UK - A peer-led organisation offering support and advice for people living with HIV, including women, youth, and migrants.The Love Tank - An organisation focusing on wellbeing of queer communities, especially Black and brown people, through projects like PrEPster and The Grass Is Always Grindr.Positive East - London-based support centre offering HIV testing, counselling, community outreach, and health services.PrEPster - Community-led PrEP (HIV prevention pill) education project. Offers clear and inclusive info for diverse audiences across the UK.National AIDS Trust - A UK policy and campaigning organisation dedicated to ending HIV stigma and promoting effective HIV policies.aidsmap - A trusted source for up-to-date, evidence-based information on HIV. Great for learning about treatment, living with HIV, and current research.Terrence Higgins Trust - The UK’s leading HIV and sexual health charity. Offers support, testing info, prevention resources (PrEP), and education materials.In the Key of Q - Podcast celebrating Queer musicians and their stories, also produced by Dan Hall.

Marc Thompson was diagnosed with HIV at just 17 in 1986, during the epidemic's most frightening early days when information wasn't reaching young black gay men in South London's vibrant but segregated queer scene. His journey from isolated teenager to influential activist illustrates the power of transforming personal experience into systemic change.Feeling like the only young black gay man in HIV services, Marc recognised the vital importance of representation and community building, establishing the first support group for positive black gay men at the London Lighthouse.His activism spans decades, from safer sex workshops in the 1990s through co-founding PrEPster in 2014 to fight for HIV prevention access, and creating Blackout UK to celebrate black queer lives.Now serving as Lead Commissioner of the London HIV Prevention Programme, Marc has architected change that ensures black queer men are part of funding conversations and policy decisions. His story demonstrates how one person's determination to build the community they desperately needed can reshape an entire field, whilst his commitment to preserving stories through podcasts and archives ensures future generations understand their history and heritage.Timestamped Takeaways03:02 - Teenage life in 1986: "I was out on the scene and discovering myself... just being a curious, fun, engaged teenager."04:37 - Segregated gay scene: "For many black queer people... those places were not particularly welcoming... because of racist door policies."06:33 - Societal context: "The UK was deeply racist. The National Front was still marching on the streets."07:32 - Community assumptions: "One of the rules we had in my community was, well, this is a white man's thing."08:37 - Information access: "There was no route for that information to get directly to a young man like me."09:53 - The diagnosis: "I'm told that they have come back positive. And the world stopped."11:27 - Processing the news: "The only two things that kept reverberating... how am I going to tell my grandfather... I would never have children."12:36 - Isolation of diagnosis: "I didn't know anyone who had HIV who looked like me."13:01 - Multiple intersections: "I knew that all of this intersected with my blackness and my queerness."14:16 - Mother's support: "I was able to tell my mum... she didn't throw me out of the house."15:50 - Community gossip: "I became known in the small black gay community as Marc with the virus."17:41 - First activism: "If I can teach these men... maybe they'll be less fearful... maybe there won't be so shit to people like me."22:26 - First support group: "I'd set up the first black gay men's group... There were only four of us... probably one of the most important days of my life."25:56 - PrEPster origins: "We set up PrEPster as a website... with the sole intention of providing education to our communities."27:32 - Golden age of prevention: "The emergence of organisations like Gay Men Fighting AIDS... culturally appropriate, culturally specific information."33:38 - Community resistance: "Why can't these young gay men just use condoms like we did? Aren't they fucking on the graves of the people that died?"37:09 - Blackout UK mission: "We wanted to celebrate black queer lives... always coming from a place of love, joy and celebration."41:06 - HIV equality: "We are all in some ways HIV equal, whether we're negative, positive or untested."43:01 - Personal responsibility: "I take my medication to keep me alive. The fact

Gus Cairns was diagnosed with HIV in 1985 at age 29, having met the love of his life, Paul, who was already positive. An Oxford graduate drifting through London's gay scene, Gus wanted to share Paul's status, believing it meant they could have unprotected sex without consequences. What followed was a devastating education in AIDS as Paul slowly died over four and a half years, succumbing in January 1990 after insisting on showing Princess Diana his Kaposi's sarcoma lesions to reveal "what it was like."Gus's own journey through near-death experiences, alternative therapies, and the transformative arrival of combination therapy in the mid-1990s illustrates the psychological complexity of surviving when so many friends died. His story captures the "Lazarus effect" - the unexpected challenge of learning to live again after preparing for death - whilst highlighting how trauma can be transformed into purpose.Now 69 and a respected HIV educator, Gus reflects on 40 years of living with HIV with the wisdom of someone who has witnessed history and emerged determined to teach its lessons, particularly that "you can't moralise your way out of an epidemic."Timestamped Takeaways03:01 - Meeting Paul: "The reaction to Paul was summed up... 'why are you going out with that maniac?'"06:51 - Sexual history: "If you're shagging around on the gay scene in the early 80s... I was quite good looking and I was horny."08:40 - Seroconversion symptoms: "A clutch of very severe mouth ulcers... a classic, clear seroconversion symptom of HIV."09:15 - Wanting to be positive: "I was so besotted by him that I actually wanted to be positive, too."10:04 - Testing refusal: "They wouldn't give me an HIV test because the Ethics committee had decided it was essentially a death sentence."12:46 - Princess Diana visit: "He said, I want them to see what it was like."17:00 - Paul's final days: "He said, I want to go to the loo... That was his last moment of consciousness."19:42 - Death certificate insistence: "Absolutely insisting that AIDS was recorded on his death certificate."21:04 - AZT trial experience: "I lasted six weeks and then I said, I'm not taking this anymore."23:08 - Survival mentality: "I was looking for a kind of survivor's mentality... split myself into two systems of belief."24:12 - 1995 breakthrough: "Reading the report... seeing the virus load disappear in his subjects."25:13 - Scientific turning point: "Right, I want these drugs."26:37 - Survivor's depression: "I didn't realise I was terribly depressed... I didn't know how to cope with surviving."28:37 - Wartime mentality: "People were dying left, right and centre all around you."29:47 - Sexual behaviour change: "I'd taken an unconscious decision that I did not want to... inject HIV into somebody else."32:26 - Current global concerns: "Trump cutting... all the assistance to Africa."35:04 - War and inhibition: "In wartime people lose their inhibitions."37:38 - Key lesson: "One of those lessons is that you can't moralise your way out of an epidemic."41:03 - Remembering Paul: "He taught me the power of defiance and the power of absolutely standing up for yourself."42:58 - Final wisdom: "Survival is the best revenge... don't let the anger and the stress get to you."Links:Other work from Producer Dan Hall.li...

Dr Peter Willis brings a unique dual perspective to HIV - as both physician and patient during the epidemic's most challenging years. Working as a GP in the early days when HIV meant certain death, Peter witnessed the professional helplessness of medicine whilst quietly assuming his own positive status after his 16-year partner Malcolm showed clear signs of AIDS. Malcolm refused testing and died in 1994, leaving Peter to navigate his own eventual diagnosis in 1995, just as combination therapy emerged to transform his prognosis from months to decades. Now 83, Peter has been married to his Japanese partner for nearly 30 years and reflects on the extraordinary journey from expecting death before retirement to discovering pottery in his ninth decade. His story captures the medical profession's evolution from powerlessness to hope, the personal cost of stigma in healthcare settings, and the grace found in both losing love and finding it again. Peter's measured wisdom about ageing with HIV, drawn from both clinical knowledge and lived experience, offers profound insights into resilience, acceptance, and the unexpected gifts of longevity.Timestamped Takeaways02:52 - Early medical stigma: "Sometimes the envelopes... had 'HIV positive' written in red on the outside of the packet."03:59 - Medical helplessness: "Initially, you really couldn't do anything."04:48 - Malcolm's AIDS: "It was quite clear that he had AIDS. He didn't want to be tested."05:49 - Professional compartmentalisation: "I treated patients as patients... separate from me."06:26 - Assumed prognosis: "I always assumed that I wouldn't have very long to live, five years at the most."06:53 - Early retirement: "Such a relief... I retired on the basis that I had less than six months to live."08:05 - Limited gay scene engagement: "I was never much good at dancing... very self-conscious."09:37 - Police warning: "If I were you, I'd get out of here. I'm a policeman."10:27 - Professional fears: "I just couldn't face the prospect of being in the local newspaper as a GP."11:16 - Diagnosis journey: "A friend... said, I'm coming to see you... I'm taking you to hospital."12:57 - Receiving the news: "Steve said, I'm sorry, I have bad news for you."13:45 - Survival factors: "I seem to be... immunologically tough... combination therapy came along in the nick of time."14:34 - Social life impact: "My social life... was Golders Green Crematorium."15:38 - Emotional detachment: "I didn't seem to get too stressed by what I... wonder, is it all suppressed?"16:05 - Treatment transformation: "It's wonderful... it really changes everything."16:41 - Current health: "HIV causes me no problems whatever."17:10 - Disbelief at longevity: "I wouldn't have believed it... I can put it aside as being a kind thought."19:29 - NHS appreciation: "Relies very heavily on people believing very much in what they're doing."20:08 - U=U significance: "Wonderful idea that people no longer need to be fearful of having a relationship."21:03 - Remembering Malcolm: "I was in love with him... all the time for 16 years."23:35 - Final goodbye: "I said quietly in his ear, it's all right, love. You can go. I'll be all right without you."25:06 - Funeral tribute: "I've never heard anything so wonderful about love."25:26 - Final wisdom: "Enjoy life, be happy. Don't worry about challenges you can't achieve."Links: a...

Matthew Hodson represents one of Britain's most influential voices in HIV and LGBTQ+ activism, having lived openly and "shamelessly" with HIV for nearly three decades.His journey began in the 1980s when coming out coincided with the emergence of AIDS, leading him to frontline activism against Section 28 and homophobic legislation. After avoiding testing for years due to fear and the lack of effective treatment, Matthew received his HIV diagnosis in 1997, just as combination therapy was revolutionising care. His transformation from someone carrying HIV as a shameful secret to becoming a leading advocate illustrates the power of visibility and self-acceptance.As Chief Executive of Gay Men Fighting AIDS, Matthew championed honest conversations about viral load and treatment as prevention, challenging the "condoms only" orthodoxy years before U=U became accepted science. His landmark achievement as the first openly HIV-positive chair of a major AIDS conference in 2021 represents both personal triumph and overdue recognition that "nothing about us without us" should include leadership roles.Matthew's story demonstrates how activism can transform not just society, but the activist themselves.Timestamped Takeaways03:12 - Early sexual awakening: "I took myself off to Heaven... and rid myself of my gay virginity."04:13 - First AIDS documentary: "I sat down there... watch this documentary called The Killer in the Village... this is so far confined to gay men, particularly in America."04:48 - Mother's reaction to coming out: "The first thing she said to me was, well, I expect you'll get AIDS and die then."06:13 - Section 28 catalyst: "Section 28... I felt like I was forced out of the closet by Section 28."07:43 - Peak homophobia: "The peak of homophobia was 1986, 1987... 75% of people believing that homosexuality was always or almost always wrong."09:07 - Direct action: "We went down Fleet Street with pink paint and daubed pink triangles everywhere."10:53 - Manchester march significance: "That was the largest ever gay rights protest gathering anywhere in the world."12:13 - Avoiding testing: "I thought if someone told me that I was HIV positive now, I think I would just kill myself."15:45 - 1996 Vancouver conference: "Changed everything... we can treat HIV."16:43 - Testing experience: "You meet the profile of someone who will test positive."17:35 - Diagnosis moment: "You've got about 20 years to live... those words... echoed in my head for days and days."18:53 - Limited time perspective: "You've got a limited period to get things done. Now, what do you want to do with these precious years?"21:07 - HIV stigma analysis: "If HIV most affected white, cis, straight men... there never would have been any HIV stigma."23:02 - Sex-positive messaging: "Gay sex. Good. We like it. We enjoy it."25:44 - Viral load messaging: "That use a condom every time message hadn't worked."29:19 - Living shamelessly: "All of my fear and shame, my self stigmatising, has been washed away."32:28 - Going public: "I press send... it was like jumping off a high board... let's just make sure I enter the water with grace."34:39 - Early disclosure strategy: "I will try and find a way to get my HIV status into that conversation really early on."36:51 - U=U amazement: "The risk is zero... how wonderfully astonishing is that?"38:10 - Reclaiming slurs: "Every time you take something that is used against you and you make it into your own armour, it loses its power to hurt...

Anthony Bird's HIV journey began dramatically in 1995 when he went from seroconversion to hospitalisation with PCP in just 4-5 months, an unusually rapid progression that fascinated medical consultants. Working as a graphic designer in London and deeply embedded in the vibrant gay club scene centred around Brixton's legendary Fridge nightclub, Tony's diagnosis came at 28 during the height of the pre-combination therapy era. His story captures the terror of thinking he wouldn't live to see 30, watching 30,000 balloons released at Pride representing AIDS deaths whilst believing one would represent him the following year. Yet Tony's experience stands apart from many others in its lack of shame or secrecy - his hospitalisation made his status obvious to friends, and he found himself surrounded by HIV-positive activists who provided community rather than isolation. From near-death to the miraculous transformation brought by combination therapy, Tony's journey continues to the present day where he's found unexpected joy in ballroom dancing, describing himself as happier than at any point in his life whilst living with HIV as mere background noise.Timestamped Takeaways03:11 - Rapid onset: "I had what was a pretty classic seroconversion... two weeks off work because what felt like a really bad flu."04:34 - Unable to work: "My last day at work... I didn't have the strength to put my boots on and walk downstairs."05:17 - Dramatic weight loss: "By the time I was admitted to hospital, I'd gone down to seven and a half stone."06:29 - Hospital relief: "I think I was just mainly feeling relief that finally someone was taking this seriously."06:48 - Understanding the implications: "We think you've got PCP. Are you aware of the implications of that?... I knew exactly what the implications were."09:37 - No confidence in treatment: "I had no confidence in the medication that was available... you develop resistance pretty quickly."09:37 - Age and mortality: "I can remember... I said, I'm not going to live until I'm 30."11:24 - The Fridge club scene: "I was absolutely obsessed with going to the Fridge listening to house music until six in the morning."13:27 - Public diagnosis: "Because of the nature of my diagnosis... All my friends knew I was HIV positive."14:47 - Family shame: "That was the sense of shame I felt... I'd let my parents down."18:18 - Extreme blood results: "My viral load was way up in the 2 million, 3 million mark, my CD4 count was less than ten."19:28 - Pride balloon release: "Each balloon represented someone who died of AIDS... I can remember thinking, next year one of those balloons is going to be me."21:08 - Lasting damage: "I got shingles twice... the damage it did to my left eye means that I'm still blind in my left eye."22:40 - Hearing about combination therapy: "People were just astounded by just how successful the trial had been."24:08 - Medical breakthrough: "My consultant literally skipping down the corridor with the results. She was so pleased."26:06 - Ongoing side effects: "Those early HIV drugs... some of the side effects are still pretty grim sometimes."28:50 - Dating and disclosure: "I could put my HIV status up on my profile... other HIV positive men would see that and contact me."36:35 - Ballroom dancing discovery: "If there is one regret I have, it's that I didn't go to a dance class when I was in my 20s."38:22 - Finding community: "It's the most home I felt in a community in my life."39:09 - Current...

Caroline Guinness was diagnosed with HIV in 1986, when she had a three-year-old daughter and was working in the music video industry with clients including Queen, David Bowie, and Duran Duran. After a doctor performed an HIV test without permission during cervical cancer treatment, Caroline initially refused to know the result before ultimately being told she was positive for what was then called HTLV-III. Given roughly five years to live, Caroline transformed her private struggle into public advocacy by co-founding and leading Positively Women, one of the UK's first peer-led support organisations specifically for women living with HIV. Her journey spans nearly four decades of HIV history, from the pre-AZT era through combination therapy, whilst navigating motherhood, relationships, and the unique challenges faced by women in a predominantly male-focused epidemic response. Caroline's story demonstrates how personal experience can become the foundation for systemic change, creating support networks that have helped countless women through their own HIV journeys.Timestamped Takeaways03:20 - Unwanted test revelation: "He'd done a test for what was called then HTLV-III... I got angry because he hadn't asked my permission."04:13 - Initial refusal to know: "I got this kind of icy feeling, but I didn't want to know... whatever the result is, I do not wish to know."05:18 - Doctor's decision: "I know you didn't want to know the results, but I think you're too intelligent not to know... you are positive."06:14 - First concern for daughter: "My first reaction was my daughter instantly, could she have it?"07:39 - Friend's devastating reaction: "She just screamed and said, I can't take another one. Someone I love dying."08:06 - Feeling of detachment: "It was a bit like a sheet of glass suddenly went down between me and the rest of the world."11:53 - Music video career peak: "We did everything all the Duran Duran, Elton John, David Bowie... We did Video Killed the Radio Star."14:31 - First fundraising opportunity: "I immediately thought, oh, there's something I can do. There's something I can be proactive here."19:26 - Different concerns for women: "Being female with HIV was actually very different. We had different concerns to men."21:12 - Finding peer support: "I felt like I'd come home... to be with people who are in the same situation."23:00 - Double life reality: "I was doing a lot of publicity as Caroline Guinness... and then I had a pseudonym called Pearl."24:27 - Daughter's response: "Her reaction was, oh, is there anything I can do? And I said, well, you could help me with some of the housework."25:38 - Daughter's courage: "She stood up and said... my mum is positive... can you please come and speak to my face."29:35 - Health crisis: "Caroline, if you don't start taking these drugs, you are dead. You're not going to walk out of this hospital alive."30:24 - Combination therapy reality: "I had the Lazarus effect... suddenly back in the world of the living."32:48 - Women as vectors myth: "One of the hardest ones... was that we were these vectors of infection."37:10 - Meeting Mark: "I did have this thing... butterflies in my stomach... when you know your life's about to change."39:55 - Media invasion: "Guinness heiress... married to a famous actor dying of AIDS."42:38 - Changing the narrative: "We changed the narrative... that turned into a positive thing."44:17 - Greatest achievement: "Positively Women, without a...

Martin Fenerty was diagnosed with HIV in 1993 at just 23 years old, following a severe facial herpes outbreak that led to testing at Liverpool's Seaman's Dispensary. Told he had 5-10 years to live, Martin found himself navigating early adulthood whilst facing his own mortality, complicated by family rejection over his sexuality and a relationship with an HIV-negative partner. His journey through the pre-combination therapy years reveals the psychological impact of "waiting to die" - living in limbo whilst watching peers build careers and plan futures he believed he'd never see. Martin's experience of stigma within the gay community itself, where strangers would approach him to confirm his positive status, highlights how discrimination operated even in supposedly safe spaces. Now 55 and working as an NHS counsellor and psychotherapist specialising in LGBTQ+ and HIV services, Martin's story demonstrates the profound psychological work required to transition from preparing for death to learning how to live when combination therapy offered unexpected longevity.Timestamped Takeaways03:39 - Young and isolated: "I'd been out as a gay man only for a couple of years... had quite a rough time with my family."04:22 - Severe symptoms: "A huge outbreak of facial herpes... all over my face and my neck."06:05 - Testing at the Seaman's Dispensary: "Favoured by gay men and people involved in sex work because it had a reputation for being more open minded."08:01 - Receiving the diagnosis: "It was too much for me to take in... I was in shock."09:56 - Partner dynamics: "He tested negative... the complexity really was around my response to that."12:26 - Stigma everywhere: "HIV was very stigmatised... it was anathema to be associated with people who were positive, even in the gay community."16:25 - Death sentence reality: "I was advised that my life would be limited... I wouldn't survive beyond 5-10 years."21:54 - Confidentiality breach: "My HIV status became known to quite a number of people on the gay scene."22:14 - Community discrimination: "People would make it known that they knew about my status... quite threatening, quite scary."24:10 - Health decline: "I would vacuum my little living room... and I had to lie down and have a sleep."26:02 - Waiting to die: "My life was sort of frozen... underpinning everything was this assumption that I was going to die."27:39 - Internalised shame: "Maybe I did think I deserved to die... I regarded myself as a bad person who was worthless."29:35 - Suicide as safety net: "I held on to that idea of suicide as a safety net... at least I can end my own life."30:25 - Combination therapy transformation: "Within six months, my viral load... was undetectable."32:08 - Learning to live: "The realisation that I was waiting to die was the realisation that I had to live."34:07 - Ongoing vulnerability: "We can't necessarily take for granted that those people meant to be caring for us... are going to do that in good faith."39:41 - Remembering Mark: "He was an example of a role model for me of how to live well with HIV."44:09 - Final message: "There is life to be lived after HIV diagnosis... everything remains available to you."Links: Other work from Producer Dan Hall.Positively UK - A peer-led organisation offering support and advice for people living with HIV,...

Jim Vogiatzis was diagnosed with HIV in 1988 after recognising symptoms in both himself and his partner. Working at London Weekend Television, Jim faced the terror of early HIV diagnosis when it truly was a death sentence for most. His journey through the brutal AZT trials, watching friends die, finding love with Stuart (a "sexy skinhead" with a Geordie accent), and ultimately surviving into the combination therapy era reveals the resilience required to navigate HIV's darkest years. From caring for dying friends to facing his own mortality, Jim's story encompasses the raw reality of the epidemic's early decades. Now living with long-term health complications from early treatments whilst finding companionship with his emotional support dog Ron, Jim continues his activism against injustice whilst reflecting on a life shaped by survival, love, and the determination to speak truth to power.Timestamped Takeaways03:14 - Making the testing decision: "I made a conscious decision... to go to the GU clinic at James Pringle House and get tested."03:54 - Anonymous testing protocol: "You were only identified by a number to protect your identity... twenty people in the waiting area. Who are you?"04:59 - Right-wing press hostility: "Things like... they should be deported to the Isle of Wight... a priest who said if he found out his son was HIV, he'd have him shot."06:52 - The diagnosis moment: "I'm really sorry to tell you, but you're HIV positive."08:29 - Supporting dying friends: "I saw as an incredible privilege to be allowed to be there with them and hold their hand."11:36 - Fear of dying alone: "I was told by somebody I would die alone, basically because of my diagnosis."13:38 - Boss's supportive response: "He just came round his desk, put his arm on my shoulder and said... don't worry, everything's going to be okay."15:06 - Early symptoms: "Chest infections I could never shake off... pins and needles in my hands and my feet."18:48 - AZT trial horrors: "You'd have to set your alarm for the middle of the night to take the next dose. So you never felt truly rested."19:08 - Severe side effects: "The nausea was so horrendous that you couldn't help yourself... affecting my social life."20:58 - Meeting Stuart: "Very sexy skinhead... boots, braces, tight t-shirts, cheeky smile, Geordie accent."24:06 - Valentine's memory: "Got a postcard of a sexy man showing his bum. On the inside... it said, sexy bum kiss."26:37 - Stuart's decline: "He had PCP... then he had what we call a stroke... destroyed him because he was such an active person."29:44 - Long-term treatment effects: "Some of the side effects... will last you for your whole life... peripheral neuropathy."32:51 - Lost support services: "The NHS had stopped funding those services... that safe place to go to."35:07 - Finding Ron: "Ron is crying in his pen... put his paws through and touched my arm, and I knew that I had to take him home."36:58 - Final message: "Be authentic. Love and never be afraid to say that I love you and always speak your truth."Links: Other work from Producer Dan Hall.Positively UK - A peer-led organisation offering support and advice for people living with HIV, including women, youth, and migrants.The Love Tank - An organisation focusing on...

Susan Cole-Haley received her HIV diagnosis during routine immigration testing in January 1999, when her children were just five and seven years old. Told she had seven years to live by a poorly informed doctor, Susan has spent over two decades transforming from corporate sales executive to one of the UK's most influential HIV advocates. Her journey encompasses raising four children, navigating healthcare discrimination, and fighting for health equity for marginalised communities. As co-founder of Phoenix Health Movement and former broadcaster of AIDS Map Live, Susan's work addresses the persistent inequalities affecting black women and other communities disproportionately impacted by HIV. Her story challenges assumptions about who gets HIV whilst demonstrating how advocacy can emerge from personal experience to create systemic change for others facing similar struggles.Timestamped Takeaways03:37 - The shocking diagnosis moment: "The doctor said to me, well, the good news is you don't have syphilis... But the bad news is you're HIV positive."04:27 - Being told the wrong prognosis: "I said to the doctor, well, how long do you think you've got to live? And he said, oh, about seven years or so."06:12 - Learning the truth through family support: "I realised that actually the doctor was wrong and that I could expect to have... a near normal life expectancy."07:40 - Father's response highlighting stigma: "One of the first things he said to me was, make sure you don't tell anyone about this."08:50 - GP's dismissive attitude: "My GP... said to me, oh no dear, that doesn't affect ladies like you."13:37 - Cancer diagnosis complications: Finding breast cancer six months after being told it was just a cyst.14:55 - Experiencing healthcare stigma: Oncologist asking "how I got HIV, how I wasn't passing it on to my HIV negative husband."19:58 - 9/11 as turning point: "It made me feel like I wanted to do something more meaningful and impactful with my life."22:56 - Naked magazine cover controversy: "I did a naked cover... to show that women living with HIV could have children born free of HIV."24:46 - Healthcare inequalities: "Health inequalities affecting black women are nothing new. They've been affecting us for generations."29:33 - Setting up Phoenix Health Movement: "We really felt that the care, particularly affecting black women just was not good enough."32:44 - Interviewing Richard Gere whilst pregnant: "I said, oh, too busy for a pregnant woman living with HIV. And somehow that works."36:33 - Global funding crisis: "It's estimated that over 6 million people will die in the next four years from HIV related causes because of funding cuts."41:32 - Message to women needing help: "Please fight for your rights. You deserve optimal care."Links: Other work from Producer Dan Hall.Positively UK - A peer-led organisation offering support and advice for people living with HIV, including women, youth, and migrants.The Love Tank - An organisation focusing on wellbeing of queer communities, especially Black and brown people, through projects like PrEPster and The Grass Is Always Grindr.Positive East - London-based support centre offering HIV testing, counselling, community outreach, and health...

Jonathan Blake was diagnosed with HIV in October 1982 at age 33, given 2-9 months to live. More than four decades later, he remains one of the UK's longest-term survivors. His extraordinary journey encompasses the terror of early diagnosis, the isolation of stigma, finding love with companion Nigel Young, and witnessing the transformation from death sentence to manageable condition. From his early days as an actor working at Joe Allen restaurant, through the bleakest years of the epidemic, to becoming an advocate at HIV drop-in centres, Jonathan's story reveals how survival often depends on connection, purpose, and the courage to keep living in the present. His insights into the evolution of treatment, the importance of knowing your status, and the ongoing challenges of ageing with HIV offer both historical perspective and contemporary relevance.Timestamped Takeaways02:14 - The vibrant gay scene of 1980s London: "London is really horny. We would finish shifts. We would go down to heaven to kind of just unwind."06:05 - Early awareness through Capital Gay newspaper of something happening in San Francisco and New York, July-August 1982.09:36 - The diagnosis: "They said, you have a virus, there is no cure. You've got between 2 and 9 months to live. But you can go home."10:41 - The isolation of early HIV: "I feel like a modern day leper. I isolated myself... I would stand in the darkest corner."13:25 - Contemplating suicide: "I was going to basically run a hot bath... and I would slash my wrists and I would bleed out the Roman way."15:27 - Meeting Nigel Young at the nuclear protest: "Hello? My name is Nigel. Who are you?... it just seemed not to make the slightest bit of difference."21:11 - Finding purpose through education: "I thought, well, you know, why not? Because again, that's going to keep me occupied and busy."26:00 - Refusing AZT trial: "If you can't be bothered to pair up, I can't be bothered to do that trial."32:03 - Starting combination therapy in 1996: "You've got to go on combination therapy."33:54 - The miracle of effective treatment: "The morning of the fourth week, I woke up with such energy I could not believe it."41:30 - The 2015 study results: "If you were on effective medication as an HIV positive person, one could not pass or infect another person."44:11 - Challenging stigma: "They use this awful expression clean. I loathe it."45:07 - Concerns about ageing: "If I have to go into a care home, how will I be treated?"55:31 - Final message: "Be brave, get tested, know your status."Links: Other work from Producer Dan Hall.Positively UK - A peer-led organisation offering support and advice for people living with HIV, including women, youth, and migrants.The Love Tank - An organisation focusing on wellbeing of queer communities, especially Black and brown people, through projects like PrEPster and The Grass Is Always Grindr.Positive East - London-based support centre offering HIV testing, counselling, community outreach, and health services.PrEPster - Community-led PrEP (HIV prevention pill) education project. Offers clear and inclusive info for diverse audiences across the...

Ten episodes of love, loss and courage from ten inspiring people living with HIV.Episode 1 drops Friday 19 September, 2025.Email: HIVTheMorningAfter@gmail.comLinks: Other work from Producer Dan Hall.Positively UK - A peer-led organisation offering support and advice for people living with HIV, including women, youth, and migrants.The Love Tank - An organisation focusing on wellbeing of queer communities, especially Black and brown people, through projects like PrEPster and The Grass Is Always Grindr.Positive East - London-based support centre offering HIV testing, counselling, community outreach, and health services.PrEPster - Community-led PrEP (HIV prevention pill) education project. Offers clear and inclusive info for diverse audiences across the UK.National AIDS Trust - A UK policy and campaigning organisation dedicated to ending HIV stigma and promoting effective HIV policies.aidsmap - A trusted source for up-to-date, evidence-based information on HIV. Great for learning about treatment, living with HIV, and current research.Terrence Higgins Trust - The UK’s leading HIV and sexual health charity. Offers support, testing info, prevention resources (PrEP), and education materials.In the Key of Q - Podcast celebrating Queer musicians and their stories, also produced by Dan Hall.