Don’t Scare the Newbies!

Tom and Kay - hosts of Insert Here - join kirizal and S to chat about polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and all the excitement and challenges that comes with navigating alternative relationship styles. Plus - exhibitionism, kinky podcaster life, and lots more! Listen to Insert Here anywhere you find podcasts, and check out their website here: insertherekink.comFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

Who would wanna get stung by nettles on purpose? Probably surprising to no one that the answer is kirizal, with S more than happy to deliver. So as W/we look forward to nettle season just around the corner, kirizal and S break down the process and techniques involved in nettle play, just a touch of science, and lots of footling about. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

On this episode, Hope's back with her flatmate Ash joining her to talk about their exploration in kink - we chat petplay, primal, and embracing the animal within, kink on a budget, switching, gender identity, and kink outside of a defined relationship or power dynamic, plus lots more!There was a major audio issue with this recording, which Ash and Hope worked for weeks to repair for U/us (much appreciated) - the end result is a little less polished than most of O/our episodes, but the content was too good not to release. From next episode W/we're on the new, much improved microphones full time so this is the last time you'll have to suffer questionable audio - promise!Content Note: Contains discussion of consensual non-consent play including simulated sexual assault, some high risk kinks including choking, blood play, and punching, and some discussion of mental health difficulties.Follow Hope on her socials at:https://www.instagram.com/djanngles?igsh=bnJqNzYzMmh3ZDMz&utm_source=qrTwitch.tv/djannglesFollow Ash on their socials at:https://x.com/nyaroticx?s=21Twitch.tv/nyaroticFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

In this episode W/we answer popular Tiktok search “is kirizal a boy or a girl”, S and kirizal compare gender “journeys”, and chat about how gender identity, roles, oppression, and expression influence kink. Plus - how inclusive is the kink community? Is kink better when it’s self aware and subversive? And is it a feminist act to be horny?Content Note: Discussion of misogyny and transphobiaFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

Through S’s repeated disclaimers that appearance control is NOT about making kirizal hotter, W/we talk about the undeniable glow up that happened in 2025. Why is appearance control so fun? Is being a bimbo really about being any less smart? And how does hyper-femininity feel for a nonbinary person? Plus - kirizal slips into bimbo headspace mid-recording, and S continues to lose the battle to stop kirizal stealing Their clothes.Content Note: Some discussion of weight lossFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

kirizal’s ex, Hope (previously known as Alexea), joins U/us this episode to talk about navigating breakups in power exchange relationships. How do people disentangle their lives when they have created such an interdependent structure? How do submissives decondition from rules that have become reflex? And how can kinky couples exit plan for a softer landing while still riding the optimism of the honeymoon period? Plus - staying friends with exes, kitchen chaos, and we address the “missing chapter” from kirizal’s content - That big breakup.Content Note: Discussion of abuse within D/s, and attempted suicide (brief, no details).Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

In this episode, kirizal and S answer listener questions and recap 2025. Laughs, tears, healing and perversions, this episode has it all as W/we round up a busy, exciting, and very kinky year. Content Note: Although nothing particularly explicit, this episode does include mentions of play involving simulated sexual assault and domestic violence

It wouldn’t be Christmas without some light trauma dumping, a discussion about the link between religious shame and CNC, and some historical genital mutilation. It’s O/our festive episode, so kirizal and S talk faith and spirituality, O/our childhood Christmas traditions and the new ones W/we are making together, kink as a spiritual experience, how worship and ritual fit into O/our dynamic, and the value of community. Content Note: Some discussion of drug use/addiction, mention of sexual assault, and castration. It’s festive, W/we promise!

W/we interrupt O/our schedule to discuss Pillion - negative messaging about 24/7 dynamics sour the taste of kirizal and S’s cinema date night, service, emotional masochism and letting kink be delightfully weird bring some authenticity to the mix, and some questionable marketing miss-sells U/us a “raunchy rom-com” that’s definitely not Do movies have a responsibility in how they represent communities? What was this movie trying to say about lifestyle BDSM, and did it deliver? Mixed feelings, and a small obligatory discussion of THAT prosthetic. Content Note: Spoilers for Pillion, of course, and discussion of unhealthy D/s relationships

What do kirizal and S like about burns, branding and cigarette torture? Well, for one thing, it’s hot! W/we chat all about burning, from kirizal’s slightly reckless early experimentation, to S’s introduction to this sizzlingly spicy kind of play. Plus - solo masochism vs self harm, what is the difference between a kink and a fetish, anti-smoking PSAs gone wrong and what happens if W/we ever give up this filthy habit? Content Note: Discussion of drug use, addiction, and self harm

Is anal sex kinky? Whatever you think - it’s kinky enough for U/us! kirizal and S talk about O/our experiences - why the girls, gays, and theys do butt stuff better, S’s quest for Their own cum button, the appeal of painal, and the blessing (or curse) of having an absolutely enormous penis. Lots of giggles, some helpful tips, and the important debate of douching vs spontaneity. Content Note: Inevitably, some poop is involved

kirizal botches the intro for a solid minute, S and kirizal are forced into time travel due to a rogue washing machine, and through the chaos W/we share O/our thoughts on Fifty Shades of Grey - terrible kink representation, a crucial moment in mainstream acceptance, pure cringe, or all of the above?Content note: Some discussion of poor consent practices and fantasies about abuse and non-conWanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator

How did kirizal go from a kitchen that was semi-permanently on fire, to home cooking from scratch every day? Why is S scared They’ll forget how a washing machine works? And do W/we get super horny about washing up? In this episode, W/we talk about the reality of domestic service in O/our dynamic - what needs it meets for U/us, how O/our roles support each other, and what a day in the life of a very busy service submissive looks like. Wanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator

What is sadism and masochism, how are they different from dominance and submission, and what does anyone get out of playing with pain? kirizal and S dive into the intersection of pain and pleasure and how these roles fit into O/our way of doing kinkContent Note: Some discussion of burns, vomit, and body image/shamingWanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator

Breathplay is one of the most popular kinks, and also one of the most potentially deadly. kirizal and S talk about O/our approach to breathplay, changing risk profiles over time, and the alarming popularity of choking.Content Note: This episode discusses torture, drowning, and death, although none in graphic detail. It also includes (obviously) in depth discussion about high risk kinks, and is not intended as a “how to” guide.Wanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator

Nat of The North East Life Art Project joins kirizal and S as O/our first guest. Talking life modelling, body image, objectification, power exchange, sexuality vs sensuality, and so much more! Will S take Their clothes off for money, what has kirizal been doing on the wines at the business meetings, and how is Nat like a banana? Plus an exciting announcement - Don’t Scare the Newbies! is taking yapping about kink into the real world with an upcoming event in Newcastle.Event info and tickets: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreatorNorth East Life Art Project on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thenortheastlifeartproject?igsh=Zmo0cGJuZGxqOWc4

In the last episode, kirizal and S talked contracts - and the development of the fixed foundation of O/our power exchange. Now it’s onto the living document of O/our rules - covering protocol, limits, punishment, and the fine details of a life built together to bring kink out from the dungeon and into the ordinary and the every day. Part two of O/our two-parter on the filthy, nerdy structure of O/our dynamic.

Contracts, rules, formal reviews and paperwork - hot, right? The formal structure of power exchange relationships can often sound like boring admin from the outside, but for two self confessed sex nerds, writing a contract together was like months of foreplay. In this episode, S and kirizal talk about the journey to O/our first contract of Total Power Exchange and talk through everything that goes into it - the responsibilities, risks, commitment and joy. This episode is part one of two, with next week’s episode focusing on the rules that exist in constant evolution alongside the fixed foundation of the contract.

One of O/our favourite - and often very misunderstood and oversimplified kinks - is CNC: consensual non-consent. Exploring violation, control, violence, and surrender in both play and O/our dynamic is something that draws U/us both - but how do you keep focus on the “first C” when playing in the darkest parts of your mind? Is it safe? Is it ethical? And is it really just about “forced” fantasies or is there more to it? W/we answer all of that and more!Content Note: This episode includes detailed discussion of consensual non-consent play involving strong violence and simulated sexual assault, non-safeword play and dynamics

W/we sit down to share tips on overcoming a play slump, finding ways to create time and space for all kinds of intimacy when life gets in the way. In July 2025 W/we set a challenge to do something kinky every day for 31 days and almost succeeded - including the most intense and brutal beating kirizal has ever taken and a life changing camping trip, so in this episode W/we recap some highlights from this challenge and what it taught U/us.The blog post referenced in this episode is ‘Sixty-Five’ on kirizal.comContent Note: This episode includes discussion of consensual non-consent play involving heavy impact and simulated sexual assault, discussion of play involving blood and vomit, and no-safeword play