Raising Men

Ryan North, co-founder of One Big Happy Home, shares his journey raising six children—four of whom were adopted from the child welfare system—and how those experiences shaped his trauma-informed approach to parenting. This episode explores the "connection-first" methodology, the essential balance between nurture and structure, and the vital distinction between raising "nice" boys and "good" men.1. Why Trauma-Informed Parenting Matters for Every DadRyan explains why trauma-informed principles apply far beyond adoption and foster care — because every child faces adversity, stress, and emotional wounds in today’s world. 2. Connection vs. ControlRyan breaks down why traditional discipline focuses on control, but healing and strong fatherhood come from prioritizing connection — without sliding into permissiveness. 3. The Power of “Yes When We Can, No When We Must”He shares the philosophy that shaped his home: saying yes when it builds relationship, and saying no only when it’s truly in the child’s long-term best interest. 4. Raising Boys in a Digital, Post-Pandemic, AI-Distracted WorldFrom screen addiction to AI “companions,” Ryan reveals why today is the hardest era in 100+ years to be a child — and how dads can anchor their sons in stability, presence, and emotional safety. r5. What It Means to Raise Good Men (Not Just “Nice” Ones)Ryan draws a powerful distinction between “nice” men and “good” men — and how fathers can raise sons who protect, provide, and lead with courage and compassion.Quotes by Ryan North“Authority isn’t about control — it’s about trust.”“The point of parenting is not to make my life easy — the point of parenting is to develop another person.”“We’re not trying to raise nice men. We’re trying to raise good men — the kind who run into the burning building, not film it for likes.”Timestamps 00:00 — Holding Kids to Adult Standards00:30 — Welcome & Meet Ryan North01:10 — What Drew Ryan Into Trauma-Informed Care02:10 — Parenting Adopted and Biological Children the Same Way03:20 — Connection vs. Compliance04:17 — Why This Isn’t Permissive Parenting05:10 — Parenting Isn’t Meant to Be Convenient06:06 — Saying Yes When You Can, No When You Must07:24 — The Swaddling Metaphor08:20 — Secure Attachment Creates Confident Exploration10:04 — Proof of Concept: Parenting Over Time12:19 — Challenging Limiting Labels12:46 — Small Traumas Still Matter13:30 — Harmful Parenting Beliefs We Inherit14:42 — Children Are Fragile and Capable of Resilience15:55 — Parenting in a Digital, AI-Driven World17:51 — Trauma vs. Adversity18:45 — You’re the Parent, Not Their Friend19:09 — Authority Without Fear or Control20:15 — Screen Boundaries Explained, Not Enforced21:30 — Calm Presence in Conflict23:13 — Saying Yes to Needs, Not Wants25:15 — Withholding Connection Is Not Discipline27:12 — Defiance vs. Addiction29:09 — Behaviour Is Communication30:41 — Why “Crying It Out” Causes Harm32:40 — How Behaviour Becomes a Strategy35:29 — Teaching Independence Through Dependence37:15 — The Danger of Raising “Nice” Men39:01 — Raising Men Who Protect and Lead41:02 — Protection, Provision, and Presence42:53 — Male Mental Health and Suicide44:45 — Choosing the Right Partner Matters47:09 — Parenting as a Partnership48:35 — The “Pineapple” Exit Strategy50:00 — Planning Outside the Moment53:12 — Kids Learn What We Model55:10 — Teaching the Art of Repair57:33 — Repairing Relationships After Rupture01:01:48 — What a “Happy Home” Really Means01:02:48 — Operating Principle: Curiosity Over Judgment01:03:17 — Final Reflections01:05:07 — Closing CreditsSupporting ContentSecure Base / Attachment Research – foundational attachment science discussed when exploring dependence → independence.Nurture + Structure = Felt Safety – illustrated through the “baby swaddle” metaphor.“Yes When We Can, No When We Must” Parenting Framework — Ryan’s family rule.“Pineapple Strategy” – A pre-agreed cue between Ryan and his wife to step out of heated moments with dignity.Apology Framework (Own it → Say sorry → Ask forgiveness → Commit to do better) — modeled to his children and now mirrored back by them.The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/730610/the-anxious-generation-by-jonathan-haidt/One Big Happy Home Website https://www.onebighappyhome.com/One Big Happy Home Podcast https://www.onebighappyhome.com/podcast/

In this episode, Shaun sits down with Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, a psychologist with decades of experience working with preschool boys often mislabeled as "problematic". They explore the "emotional desert" many boys are forced into by a culture that unintentionally shames their natural sensitivity. Dr. Vanderhorst explains how parents can move beyond surface-level behavior to address the root emotional needs of their sons, ultimately helping them grow into men of both strength and tenderness.Key TakeawaysThe Myth of the Stoic Infant: Contrary to popular belief, boys are born with a broader range of emotional expression than girls. However, because mothers and nannies often have a narrower emotional range, they may unintentionally discourage a boy's intense reactions, leading the infant to "narrow the room" and limit his own expressions for safety.Comfort vs. Brittleness: Shaming a boy for crying (e.g., telling a three-year-old to "stop being a baby") does not make him strong; it makes him "brittle". Providing comfort and strategies for handling injury or loss builds genuine resilience, allowing him to experience emotion without being overwhelmed by it.The "Conan" Brain vs. The Modern World: Society often trains boys to remain in a "Conan the Barbarian" state—aggressive, brave, and cut off from fear. While this was once adaptive for survival, it is maladaptive in modern life, making intimate emotional relationships nearly impossible for men who can only access irritation or anger.The Masculine Ritual of Safety: Unlike women, who often dive directly into emotional sharing, men typically require a "ritual" of posturing before feeling safe. They often need to establish their status or success in the room before they feel comfortable enough to bring their sorrows or worries into the light.Decoding the "Root Cause": Behavioral outbursts are often signals of underlying needs. For example, a child obsessing over a cell phone or a specific shirt may actually be expressing a powerful need to "belong" or feel included with their peers. Addressing the root cause can "flip the switch" and resolve the behavioral conflict immediately.Pull Quotes"Infants are emotionally brilliant—it's their only survival mechanism. So they read the room perfectly.""The culture that we live in tells us that boys are to narrow their emotional expression... We rob them of that capability, and we do it intentionally.""If you don't do it on purpose [reflection], it'll happen accidentally in ways that are usually bad."Timestamps / Chapter Markers00:00 — Therapy Is More Accessible Than You Think00:40 — Meet Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst01:20 — The Emotional Desert Boys Grow Up In02:02 — Boys Are Born With a Broader Emotional Spectrum03:15 — How Caregiving Shapes Emotional Expression04:17 — A Classroom Example: Male vs. Female Emotional Response05:46 — Emotional Correction Starts in Infancy07:40 — Playground Parenting Reveals the Pattern08:18 — Emotional Sensitivity Is a Male Strength09:25 — When Culture Mislabels Emotion as a Problem11:05 — The Caveman Model of Masculinity11:48 — Conan the Barbarian vs. Sherlock Holmes13:44 — The Cost of Losing Tenderness14:12 — Anger as a Secondary Emotion15:36 — Why Anger Doesn’t Solve Modern Problems16:20 — The Core Emotional Wound in Men17:01 — Divorce, Prison, and Emotional Silence18:03 — Why Men Don’t Disclose to Other Men18:15 — Masculinity, Power, and the Fear of Softness19:37 — You Don’t Lose Strength—You Add to It20:45 — Introducing the Book: Read, Reflect, Respond21:39 — Why Words Aren’t Enough for Healing22:37 — Scribbling, Drawing, and Emotional Truth23:14 — “Are You Your Own Con Artist?”24:33 — When Unprocessed History Hijacks the Present25:51 — The Danger of Justifying Pain Instead of Healing It27:23 — Therapy Beyond the Couch29:06 — Men, Therapy, and Community29:58 — Posturing Before Vulnerability31:45 — Rituals of Emotional Safety for Men32:52 — Emotional Safety vs. Physical Safety33:34 — First Steps for Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys35:20 — A Story of Shame at the Playground36:05 — Why Suppressing Emotion Creates Fragility36:45 — Suicide and Emotional Suppression37:57 — Is Emotional Progress Happening?38:44 — The Hidden Cost of Screens39:45 — The Uncontrolled Experiment on Children41:03 — Limits Aren’t Enough—Engagement Matters42:34 — Creativity as Emotional Nutrition44:24 — Addressing the Root Need: Belonging45:07 — Meeting Needs Without Giving the Device46:00 — A Shirt, a Buffet, and Emotional Insight47:23 — Belonging as a Core Emotional Theme48:31 — Helping Kids Reframe Differences as Strengths49:41 — One Operating Principle: Expand Feeling Vocabulary50:51 — Emotions as a Learnable Language51:48 — Building Emotional Rituals at Home52:50 — Closing ReflectionsResources, Links, and Concepts MentionedBook: Read Reflect Respond: The 3 R's of Growth and Change by Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst https://www.amazon.com/Read-Reflect-Respond-Growth-Change/dp/1633023036Internal Family Systems (IFS) – A therapeutic process for understanding the different "parts" of oneself, now increasingly accessible to the public through online workshops.Social Media & ConnectionsDr. Gloria Vanderhorst: Follow her weekly blog and access resources through her official website at https://gloriavanderhorst.com

In this episode, Shaun sits down with Jonny Miller, the founder of Nervous System Mastery and host of The Inner Frontier Podcast. As a tech leader and father of two, Shaun explores the messy reality of staying regulated when kids push every "magic button" we have. Jonny reframes the nervous system not as something to be "beaten into submission," but as the primary lens through which we experience our relationships, our creativity, and our capacity to lead our families.Key TakeawaysThe Nervous System is the "Upstream" Lens: Your nervous system dictates the quality of your attention, relationships, and creativity. Rather than a victim-to-villain dynamic where you must "grind" through stress, mastery is about befriending the system and understanding that your kids' nervous systems are often a direct reflection of your own.Interoception is the Lead Domino: Most men are "numb from the neck down," missing the internal data (heat in the chest, sweating palms) that signals rising anger. By noticing these sensations when they are a "2 or 3 out of 10" rather than an "11 out of 10" rage blackout, you gain the agency to intervene before reacting.Reducing the "Half-Life" of Reactivity: The goal is not to never be triggered, but to reduce how long you stay in a hijacked state. Instead of carrying unprocessed grief or anger for days or weeks, nervous system skills allow you to move back into your "window of tolerance" in minutes.Bottom-Up vs. Top-Down Regulation: While we often try to "think" our way out of stress (top-down), there are four times more neurons going from the body to the brain than vice-versa. Leveraging "bottom-up" tools like breathwork, humming, or cold exposure is a high-leverage way to signal safety to the brain when the mind is racing.Paying Off "Emotional Debt": Repressing emotions to "get the job done" (the Clint Eastwood model) builds a debt that eventually leads to burnout or health crises. Shifting from "grinding" to "courageous curiosity" allows men to metabolize this debt and reclaim a sense of aliveness and joy.Quotes from Jonny Miller"The nervous system is quite literally the lens through which we experience life.""Joy is the matriarch of a family of emotions, and she won't come into a house where her children aren't welcome.""All leadership is ultimately self-leadership."Timestamps / Chapter Markers00:00 — Kids and Emotional Fluidity00:27 — What Is Nervous System Mastery?01:53 — Grit, Hustle, and the Problem With Suppression03:59 — Reducing the Half-Life of Reactivity05:51 — Leadership Starts With Self-Regulation07:09 — When Kids Trigger What We Can’t Control09:09 — Why We Try to Fix Other People’s Emotions10:57 — Interoception: Awareness of the Inner World12:48 — Interoception vs. Introspection13:30 — The Daily “Internal Weather Report”15:48 — Parenting in the Weeds17:40 — Curiosity Without Judgment19:06 — Emotional Fluidity vs. Emotional Manipulation20:44 — Kids Learn What We Model, Not What We Say21:30 — Teaching Children to Trust Their Inner Signals22:48 — Practicing Awareness Throughout the Day24:45 — NSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest)26:07 — Where to Learn NSDR28:03 — Top-Down vs. Bottom-Up Regulation29:36 — Why Body-Based Practices Work Better30:46 — Outside-In Regulation: Designing Your Environment32:18 — Co-Regulation: Why Connection Heals34:16 — Anxiety as Constriction36:13 — Emotional Debt and Burnout37:37 — What Changes for High-Achieving Men39:34 — Deep Somatic Work and Emotional Excavation41:18 — Making Time Creates More Time41:33 — One Practice for Immediate Regulation43:34 — Boundaries, Calendars, and Spaciousness45:08 — Presence as a Competitive Advantage47:06 — Distraction, Rage Bait, and Emotional Hooking49:21 — Interoception as an Antidote to Screens51:36 — The Opportunity Hidden in Modern Overstimulation53:13 — One Operating Principle: Embrace Emotional Intensity54:23 — Regulating Kids by Regulating Ourselves55:14 — Making Space for Anger56:33 — Screaming Together: A Story of Co-Regulation57:25 — Closing ReflectionsResources, Tools, & Concepts MentionedNSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest): A guided body scan popularized by Andrew Huberman that provides the recovery equivalent of two hours of sleep in just 30 minutes.State Shifts: An app featuring recordings for nervous system regulation.Physiological Sigh: A breathing protocol used to rapidly down-regulate the system.Orienting Practice: A quick grounding tool: name three things you see, two you hear, and one you feel.Yoga Nidra: A restorative practice for cultivating high-definition internal awareness.People to Follow: Andrew Huberman: For the science of NSDR and the physiological sigh.Ally Boothroyd: Recommended for her Yoga Nidra recordings on YouTube.Joe Hudson: Creator of the "Joy as the Matriarch" metaphor.Where to find Jonny: Website: https://nsmastery.com/Podcast: The Inner Frontier https://open.spotify.com/show/1lGD5wIfhnE4bepja42C9S

In this episode, Shaun Dawson sits down with Steve Biddulph, a world-renowned psychologist, educator, and author of the global bestsellers Raising Boys and The New Manhood. With over three decades of experience, Steve explores the "quiet crisis" facing boys today—from school environments that disadvantage their slower biological development to a digital landscape that is rewriting the rules of adolescence. This conversation is a roadmap for parents who want to raise emotionally healthy sons of character, courage, and conviction.Key TakeawaysThe Biological Development Gap: Testosterone in the womb slows male development; by the time boys reach school age, they are often 6 to 12 months behind girls in speech and fine motor skills.The Case for "Holding Back": Many boys benefit significantly from starting school one year later, allowing them to match the maturity of their female peers and avoid a lifelong trajectory of restlessness and academic discouragement.Mirror Learning & Masculine Virtues: Qualities like patience and kindness are "caught, not taught." Boys need thousands of hours of male company to absorb these complex, nonverbal skills through their nervous systems.Combating Digital Miseducation: Parents must actively counter the harmful "algorithmic" effects of social media and the "miseducation" of pornography by setting firm boundaries—such as no devices in bedrooms and supporting under-16 social media bans.The Father as a Safety Anchor: A father’s most important role is to be a "safety go-to guy". True strength lies in a father’s ability to manage his own strong feelings so his son never feels the need to protect himself from his own father.Quotes "You give a man the right help, he will turn around.""I made sure he knew what a good man looked like because you can't turn into one if you've never seen one." (Quoting a single mother’s wisdom on role models)"A good kid is a still kid... but his body's screaming." (On the physical difficulty boys face sitting at desks in traditional classrooms)Timestamps / Chapter Markers00:00 — “That Book Saved My Life”00:34 — The Quiet Crisis Facing Boys01:12 — Meet Steve Biddulph01:56 — The Family Therapy Breakthrough03:59 — Fathers Who Loved but Couldn’t Connect4:47 — Personal Grief and the Awakening06:11 — When Men Don’t Know How to Support Each Other07:28 — Why Boys Start School at a Disadvantage08:26 — Testosterone Slows Male Development09:45 — Boys Are Born Vulnerable10:38 — A One-Year Developmental Gap11:55 — Language, Fine Motor Skills, and Shame12:28 — “Just Hold Him Back a Year”13:33 — Sean’s Story: Skipped Grades and Silent Anxiety15:30 — The Power of Repeating a Year16:23 — When Big Bodies Create Unrealistic Expectations17:44 — How Boys’ Bodies Develop18:28 — “Move Me”19:29 — What Boy-Friendly Schools Do Differently20:58 — Father Absence and Modern Reality21:26 — Single Mothers Have Always Raised Good Men23:05 — “He Needs to See What a Good Man Looks Like”25:09 — Recruiting Male Role Models27:04 — Men Will Say Yes When Asked28:10 — What Makes a “Good Man”?29:18 — Patience Is a Physical Skill30:50 — Mirror Learning and Role Modelling31:46 — The Digital Wild West33:22 — Australia’s Under-16 Social Media Ban35:06 — Parenting Against the Herd36:55 — Talking to Kids About Pornography38:23 — Devices Out of Bedrooms39:40 — One Operating Principle for Raising Men40:23 — Hurt Creates Hurt41:00 — Be Your Child’s Safe Place41:51 — Final Reflections42:39 — Closing CreditsResources, Concepts, and Books MentionedRaising Boys in the 21st Century by Steve Biddulph https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Raising-Boys-in-the-21st-Century/Steve-Biddulph/9780648226734The New Manhood by Steve Biddulph https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-New-Manhood/Steve-Biddulph/9781760851156Iron John: A Book About Men by Robert Bly https://www.amazon.com/Iron-John-Book-About-Men/dp/0306813769Father Hunger / The Father Wound: The deep psychological impact of an absent or emotionally distant fatherMirror Learning: The process by which children absorb behaviors and emotional rhythms by observing role modelsCore Strength vs. Fine Motor Development: The biological difference where boys develop from the "core outwards," meaning finger control for writing often develops last.Heads Up Alliance: https://www.headsup.org.uk/ A movement encouraging school communities to delay giving children smartphones.Connect with Steve BiddulphWebsite: https://www.stevebiddulph.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stevebiddulphraisingboysRaising Girls community https://www.facebook.com/stevebiddulphraisinggirlsRaising Boys community https://www.facebook.com/pages/Steve-Biddulphs-Raising-Boys/673349469396922

Retired Green Beret and Wild Ops Box founder Aaron Blaine joins Raising Men to talk about the battles he faced long before combat — growing up fatherless, angry, and adrift — and how pain, discipline, and purpose forged him into the man and father he is today. In this conversation, Aaron and Shaun unpack lessons from military life, the transition back home, and the inner healing that led to his mission of helping fathers and sons reconnect through Wild Ops Box. From men’s circles and emotional breakthroughs to teaching his kids the power of boundaries, Aaron shows that leadership at home begins with self-awareness and serviceKey TakeawaysPain can be a catalyst for growth — our response determines whether it breaks us or builds us.Kids mirror our emotions — a calm home starts with calm parents.Boundaries are love — saying no teaches children self-respect and limits.Connection needs structure — rituals, shared experiences, and written family values keep a home aligned.Service above self — true masculinity means protecting, guiding, and serving before leading.Pull Quotes“You get to choose what it does to you. You get to choose how you react — that’s an active choice that can propel you forward.”“We make vows to our wives, but maybe we should make vows to our kids — that’s the most permanent relationship we’ll ever have.”“Discipline without direction is just control — but discipline with purpose changes lives.“Kids don’t care what we say; it’s what they see and feel us do that really matters.”Timestamps / Chapter Markers00:00 — Leading From the Front at HomeWhy allowing kids to shape the vision of the household builds accountability and leadership.00:31 — From Fatherless to Green BeretAaron Blaine’s early life, losing his father, and the path that shaped his resilience.02:03 — Trauma as a Catalyst for GrowthHow pain, loss, and chaos became fuel instead of a life sentence.05:57 — Choosing Growth Over DestructionWhy adversity can either break you—or make you great.07:18 — Legacy Lives Beyond PresenceHow parents continue shaping us long after they’re gone.09:16 — Birth, Death, and the Urgency of TimeA powerful reflection on life’s brevity and what truly matters.11:11 — Service Above SelfWhy volunteering, slowing down, and gratitude change everything.13:00 — Redefining Wellness: Body, Mind, and SpiritWhy true health goes far beyond fitness.14:22 — What Becoming a Green Beret Teaches About DisciplineAutonomy, self-mastery, and learning to embrace discomfort.18:52 — Anger, Fatherhood, and Emotional RegulationHow Aaron learned to manage anger while raising young children.20:54 — The Men’s Group That Changed EverythingVulnerability, emotional awareness, and breaking lifelong patterns.23:32 — Kids Mirror Our EnergyWhy parents must regulate themselves before correcting behavior.25:12 — Guilt, Overcompensating, and BoundariesWhy saying “no” is part of being a good father.26:52 — Teaching Boundaries Is Teaching RespectHow limits help children navigate the real world.28:44 — Learning to Love the KetchupChoosing meaning over irritation in everyday parenting moments.30:39 — Discomfort as a SuperpowerWhy learning to embrace discomfort creates growth and resilience.33:13 — The Birth of Wild Ops BoxHow lost institutions inspired a modern solution for fathers and kids.35:18 — Leaving the Army and Losing IdentityThe hidden struggle many veterans face after service.37:43 — Survival Skills as a Path to ConnectionWhy outdoor education builds confidence and family bonds.40:04 — Betting on Purpose, Not EgoBuilding something meaningful without burning everything down.43:32 — A Father’s Proud MomentWhen Aaron’s son confidently joined an interview—and what it represented.45:19 — Becoming a Girl DadHow having a daughter softened and strengthened him at the same time.49:33 — Raising Boys vs. Raising GirlsMasculinity, protection, and emotional presence.52:51 — Vows to Your ChildrenWhy fathers should commit publicly to their kids, not just spouses.55:46 — Wild Ops Box as a Ritual, Not a ProductUsing skill-building to create meaningful family conversations.57:42 — Letting Kids Define Family ValuesWhy ownership creates accountability.58:49 — Connection vs. IndependenceHelping kids balance closeness with autonomy.01:01:59 — Modeling Matters More Than TeachingWhy kids follow what we do—not what we say.01:04:33 — A Message to Disconnected FathersStart with intention, presence, and small daily actions.01:06:45 — The Critical Window: Ages 7–14Why these years shape who children become.01:08:56 — When Kids Handle ConflictWhy parents sometimes need to step back.01:12:30 — Guidance Without ShameHow to correct behavior without damaging trust.01:16:07 — “Eat Last” as a Life PrincipleService, discipline, and modeling leadership at home.01:19:24 — Community, Responsibility, and LegacyWhy men must guide not just their families—but their communities.01:20:05 — Closing ReflectionsTurning pain into purpose and raising men who lead with strength.Supporting ContentMasters of Chaos by Linda Robinson – The book that inspired Aaron to pursue the path of a Green Beret.Wild Ops Box – Aaron’s company helping fathers and sons reconnect through outdoor skills and shared purpose.Black Rifle Coffee Company – Collaborator supporting Aaron’s Wild Ops Box founder story.Befrienders Program – Volunteer organization connecting people to serve the elderly and reduce loneliness.The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast – Where Aaron first heard about men’s groups and emotional awareness work.

In this episode, Shaun sits down with Jennifer L.W. Fink—writer, nurse, mother of four boys, and author of Building Boys. Jennifer brings decades of lived experience and research to help us understand what boys really need: space, presence, and parents who see them as they truly are. Together, they explore why boys are often misunderstood, how parents can respond with calm instead of fear, and what it means to raise great guys in a world full of mixed messages.Topics CoveredDevelopmental differences between boys and girls – Why boys aren’t behind or broken; they simply develop on a different timeline. Why boys are often misunderstood – From poop drawings to impulse-control moments, adults misinterpret normal development as misbehavior. Parenting through fear – How cultural narratives (MeToo era) cause parents to overreact to boy behavior. How to respond with connection – Curiosity over punishment; presence over panic.Healthy masculinity – Risk-taking, independence, protectiveness, physical play.Letting boys lead – Facilitating interests instead of rejecting them (e.g., Minecraft, gaming, tinkering). raising-men-podcast-recording-w…How parents can model calm leadership – High standards + connection = growth.Why boys disconnect – When they are shamed for their instincts, they stop trying.Pull Quotes “Look at the boy in front of you. Not the boy you fear he might become — the boy who’s here right now.”“Boys aren’t broken. They’re developing on a different timeline, and when we don’t understand that, they start believing they’re the problem.”“When boys feel like who they are is wrong, they check out. When they feel seen, they thrive.”Books, Ideas & Content MentionedJennifer’s Website: jenniferlwfink.comStory of his youngest son crawling around the bases https://buildingboys.substack.com/p/building-boys-bulletin-7-3-23A recent post talking about some of the positive impacts of gaming https://buildingboys.substack.com/p/video-games-arent-bad-really Jennifer's article about gaming: https://www.enttoday.org/article/from-video-game-controllers-to-ors-the-surprising-role-of-gaming-in-modern-medical-practices/ON BOYS podcast, w 7 yrs worth of episodes & show notes https://www.on-boys-podcast.com/

Paul Kix built a career telling powerful human stories—from ESPN to bestselling books. But becoming a father pushed him to rewrite the narrative of masculinity itself. In this conversation, Paul shares what he’s learned about raising boys to be strong and gentle, confident and vulnerable. We go deep on identity, authenticity, inner courage, and why sometimes the bravest thing a dad can do is admit he doesn’t have all the answers.Key Takeaways / Topics CoveredMasculinity must include kindness, empathy, and emotional presence, not just strength.Modeling repair, not perfection — kids learn by watching how we handle mistakes.Vulnerability is true tensile strength — like bridges built to flex without breaking.Therapy, reflection, and emotional self-awareness are part of modern fatherhood.Raising biracial sons means helping them define identity from the inside out, not from labels society imposes.Saying no to broken systems (raffles, rewards, status pressure) teaches kids integrity and independence.Authentic storytelling builds connection — peers relate more to flaws than achievements.Reinvention is possible — pivot your skillset instead of clinging to dying industries.Courage = pushing past fear while staying grounded through reflection and spiritual guidance.Pull Quotes“If all you do is project strength, you become brittle. Vulnerability is what keeps you from breaking.”“We connect more to each other’s flaws than to each other’s victories.”“Remember that the kingdom of God is within you — live out the purpose planted inside.”Timestamps / Chapter Markers00:22 Official Introduction (Introducing Paul Kix, journalist and author)00:54 Storytelling and the Narrative of Fatherhood (Holistic masculinity, kindness, and modeling repair)02:44 Pivoting to Partner: A Wife's Need04:20 From Farmer to Modern Man (Embracing therapy and vulnerability)07:51 The Tensile Strength of Bridges (Flexibility vs. brittle tension)11:21 Performative vs. Quiet Confidence (The ultimate flex: Barry Sanders)14:55 Reinventing Career After Corporate Media (Starting the newsletter/digital course)20:29 Staring Down Fear and Catastrophizing (The path to true self)24:05 The Power of Authenticity and Chronicling Flaws (Finding "the gripe")28:34 Raising Biracial Sons (Identity, the "one-drop rule," and the shift in discourse)35:36 The School Fundraiser Dilemma (Principled stand vs. bullying)38:57 Similar Stand in Little League (Questioning the raffle)44:36 The Decision: Legoland and Life Lessons (Minimizing hardship)46:58 Kids Absorb What You Do (Henson quote)47:51 One Principle for Raising Men (The Kingdom of God is within you)52:43 Closing RemarksSupporting ContentYou Have to Be Prepared to Die Before You Can Begin to Live https://www.paul-kix.com/booksThe Saboteur https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/533685/the-saboteur-by-paul-kixPaul’s Storytelling Newsletter (highly praised in the episode!) https://paulkix.substack.com/Storytelling Course: Storytelling You https://www.paul-kix.com/storytelling-youhttps://www.storytellingyoukickstarter.com/Other referencesBrooklyn Bridge tensile strength metaphor (via therapist)Ralph Waldo Emerson on purpose & self-trustLuke 17: “The kingdom of God is within you”

 A deep dive into how Dave Rossi — entrepreneur turned mindfulness teacher and author of The Imperative Habit — reframes success, presence, and internal awareness for parents raising boys today. This episode explores how achievement culture shapes a boy’s identity, why inner peace matters more than winning, and how small daily rituals can help boys grow into grounded, self-aware young men. Dave brings practical habits, consciousness principles, and real-life insights that help families shift from performance to presence. Key Takeaways / Topics CoveredSpiritual vs. Animal Self – We all have two modes: survival-driven instincts (fear, jealousy, scarcity) vs. conscious choice anchored in logic and values. Growth is choosing the latter.Competition Should Elevate Everyone – When competition becomes about defeating others, it becomes poison — true winning is improving yourself.Model Courage, Not Control – Kids internalize what they see far more than what they are told. Demonstrate discipline, resilience, and presence. Treat Kids as Equals – Respect their autonomy; give information and let them choose, even when that means allowing struggle. Praise Courage Over Achievement – Strength is facing internal resistance — physical or emotional. That’s what creates self-mastery.Avoid Shame as a Motivator – Shame never produces growth. Pausing to reflect before reacting is a spiritual act.Suffering Has a Purpose – Often pain is the catalyst for transformation and discovering one’s true path. raising-men-podcast-recording-w…Timestamps / Chapter Markers00:44 (Introducing Dave Rossi, entrepreneur and author)01:14 The Fixed Pie vs. Variable Pie Mentality(Competition and abundance)03:09 The Squirrel Nut Theory(Hoarding vs. Spiritual Power)05:31 Redefining Winning(Improving from the experience vs. prevailing)06:40 The Paradox of Animal vs. Spirit(Cognition over instinct)07:53 Spiritual Self-Mastery(Mind over body signals)10:48 The Running Challenge(Cultivating mental override in a 6-year-old)12:42 The Spiritual Principle of Equality(Treating your son like a client/boss)14:26 Empowerment and the 40% Capacity Rule(Letting him choose the push)17:30 The Dangers of Parental Attachment and Shame(The need for his choice)19:52 Modeled Behavior as the Most Powerful Influence20:25 The Reflex to Shame and the Spiritual Act of Withdrawal23:14 The Two Brains: Conan vs. Sherlock Holmes24:26 Emotional Biometrics and the Sabre-Toothed Tiger26:30 Overcoming Programmed Fear(The bridge jumping example)28:55 Unconventional Parenting: Letting a Teenager Choose Risk31:22 Accountability and Acceptance of Consequences(The ADD example)33:45 Coping with Extreme Behavior(Addiction, empathy vs. compassion)37:04 The Lesson of Suffering(Letting a child hit rock bottom)41:19 The New Book on Healthy Masculinity(Shedding archetypes and masking)44:11 The Strength of Vulnerability(The boxer analogy)47:20 Building Muscle Memory(Behaving the way you want to be)48:01 Nietzsche and the Ubermensch(The tightrope walk to self-mastery)50:35 Cultivating Courage and Awareness(Praising courage over achievement)52:41 One Principle: Treat Your Children Like Equals54:19 Closing RemarksSupporting ContentBooks by Dave Rossi:The Imperative Habit: 7 Non-Spiritual Practices Towards Spiritual BehaviorAlphas Die Early (upcoming/new release mentioned in the podcast)Website: DaveRossiGlobal.comRelated books mentioned in the episode: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor FranklJourney of Souls by Michael NewtonBookThe Imperative Habit: 7 Non-Spiritual Practices Towards Spiritual Behaviourhttps://bookshop.org/p/books/imperative-habit-7-non-spiritual-practices-towards-spiritual-behavior-for-happiness-health-love-and-success-dave-rossi/af5d3267632de76fKey Ideas from the Book (w/ Sources)Dave teaches seven non-spiritual habits that build spiritual behavior rooted in presence and self-awareness.https://bradkearns.com/dave-rossi-consciousness-spirituality-finding-happiness-from-within-and-what-brads-hiding-from-the-listening-audience/Examples include:Accept what is (Habit #1)Do not fear outcomes (Habit #2)Happiness as a state of being, not emotion  https://bradkearns.com/dave-rossi-consciousness-spirituality-finding-happiness-from-within-and-what-brads-hiding-from-the-listening-audience/Dave’s personal story: multimillion-dollar entrepreneur who felt empty, leading to collapse, rebuilding, and inner discovery.  https://theimperativehabit.comBlog theme: true happiness is internal; most people chase external validation unaware their “compass” is miscalibrated. https://www.daverossiglobal.com/public/learn/how-did-i-get-here/

In this conversation, Shaun sits down with Damian Gomes — a father, technologist, and long-time Scout leader — to explore what it means to raise two sons who couldn’t be more different. From leading Boy Scouts and teaching leadership through failure to navigating remote schooling during the pandemic, Damian shares the lessons, struggles, and surprising gifts of modern fatherhood. One son thrived in self-paced learning and now builds AI systems with his dad; the other is still discovering his path through art and curiosity. Together, they reflect on letting kids fail safely, adapting parenting styles, and staying conscious and present even when patience runs thin.Key Takeaways / Topics CoveredLeadership Is Learned Through Chaos: Scouting teaches “storming, norming, performing” — a real-world model for how boys (and adults) learn to lead, adapt, and collaborate through trial and error.Independence Requires Letting Go: Damian’s older son thrived once school became self-paced. The hardest part was letting him fail, fall behind, and figure it out without rescuing him too early.Parent Each Child Differently: What worked for one son — freedom and code — failed for the other. Fatherhood isn’t a formula; it’s an evolving experiment in empathy and adaptation.Redefining Education and Failure: Damian learned that the goal of learning isn’t perfection but persistence. Retaking a failed quiz became a metaphor for life — you haven’t failed until you stop trying.Conscious Fatherhood Is a Daily Practice: His guiding principle: staying self-aware enough to choose a new reaction rather than repeating old patterns. That pause — between emotion and response — is where growth happens.Pull Quotes“You’re not just building automation systems — you’re helping two young men find their own operating systems for life.” — Shaun Dawson“If you give them the plan, what are they learning? Let them carry on tradition by word of mouth — that’s where the leadership happens.” — Damian Gomes“I’d rather my sons fail at home, with us around to help them, than discover they don’t have the skills later when it really matters.” — Damian Gomes00:35 Official Introduction01:41 Involvement and Value in Boy Scouts03:51 Cubmaster to Scout Leader: The Transition05:37 "Storming, Norming, and Performing" in Leadership09:52 Scouting's Offer to Modern Boys14:44 Contrived Structure for Organic Skills16:52 The Value of Inventing the Solution17:47 Doubling Down on Scouting During Challenges21:39 The Pandemic's Impact on Family Dynamics24:33 The Shift to Self-Paced Virtual Learning27:40 Rethinking Failure and Retaking Tests30:13 Homeschooling vs. Virtual School Decisions32:38 The Older Son's Success Story37:03 The Hardest Part: Allowing for Failure38:55 The Younger Son's Struggle for Structure42:26 The Future of Learning43:08 Hopes for Sons' Memories45:08 One Principle for Raising Men47:35 Closing RemarksSupporting ContentOrganizations & ConceptsBoy Scouts of America – emphasizing youth leadership and structured independence.YPT (Youth Protection Training) – mandatory training for all Scout leaders.EDGE Method – Explain, Demonstrate, Guide, Enable — a Scouting framework for mentorship and teaching.Education & TechFlorida Virtual School – one of the first large-scale online K–12 programs mentioned in the episode.Duval Virtual Instruction Academy – Damian’s local district’s virtual learning platform.Automation Watchdog – Damian and his son’s company, building systems that verify automation and AI performance.Mark Rober’s YouTube Channel – inspiration for Damian’s younger son’s curiosity in science and engineering.Open Source Software Movement – central to his son’s learning and development path.Books & Ideas“Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” by Carol S. Dweck – on learning through growth and persistence.“The Conscious Parent” by Dr. Shefali Tsabary – echoes Damian’s principle of awareness and conscious parenting.“The Scoutmaster’s Other Handbook” by Mark A. Ray – practical modern guide to leadership and youth development through Scouting.

In this thoughtful and often funny conversation, Dr. Daniel Singley—founder of The Center for Men’s Excellence and creator of MenExcel—joins Shaun to unpack what it really means to raise emotionally healthy boys in a rapidly changing world. Together, they explore how traditional models of masculinity can evolve without abandoning strength, why fatherhood is the “tip of the spear” for redefining what it means to be a man, and how dads can model emotional resilience and connection in everyday life.Dr. Singley shares evidence-based insights on the transition from “dude to dad,” the power of emotional flexibility, and the importance of community for fathers. This episode is a practical and deeply human look at how we can raise sons—and become men—of both heart and strength.Key Takeaways / Topics Covered1. Masculinity isn’t under attack—it’s under construction. Healthy masculinity requires flexibility, not rigidity; the ability to be strong in some contexts and empathetic in others.2. Fatherhood is the frontline of modern manhood. Early involvement during pregnancy and infancy predicts stronger emotional connection, better outcomes for children, and greater well-being for fathers.3. Emotional literacy is courage, not weakness. When fathers model emotional awareness—naming their feelings, owning their mistakes—they teach their sons that vulnerability is strength.4. Community is critical for men’s mental health. Isolation is as damaging as smoking a pack a day; fathers need intentional friendships and spaces to be honest with other dads.5. Kindness is strength. Dr. Singley’s parting message: “Have the strength to be kind”—because cruelty often stems from fear, and choosing compassion is an act of real courage.Timestamps / Chapter Markers00:00 Introduction: Cultivating Strength and Sensitivity in Raising Boys01:18 Dr. Singley's Journey: Why Study the Psychology of Men and Fatherhood?03:08 The Consequence of Ignoring Cisgender Masculinity in Academia05:33 The Rising Tide: Empowering Men and Boys Doesn't Harm Other Genders06:55 Is Masculinity a Problem? Under Attack or Under Construction?07:54 The Core Issue: Rigidity in Traditional Masculine Roles09:11 The Benefits of Flexibility: Longevity, Relationships, and Mental Health10:45 Addressing the Pushback: The "Pussification" of the American Male13:43 Finding a Balanced Vision: Serving Yourself vs. Holding Yourself Back16:39 Workplace Benefits of Balanced Masculinity (Strengths with Heart)18:22 The "Fair Play" Card Exercise and Its Role in Domestic Roles20:21 Early Fatherhood: Why It's the "Tip of the Spear" for Contemporary Masculinity23:46 Fatherhood as an Opportunity to Cultivate Caregiving Muscles25:40 Key Predictors for Father Involvement: Pregnancy and Co-Parent Support27:48 The Vicious/Virtuous Cycle of Co-Parenting Support29:04 Shaun's Story: The "No Divorce for a Year" Deal31:17 Shaun's Story: Catching Inflexibility in Action (Kissing His Son)32:22 Equating Physicality with Sexuality (and Its Impact on Parenting)34:10 Parenting with Intention: Be Thoughtful, Not on Autopilot36:24 Practical Tools: The 10-Year Vision and Modeling Behavior38:20 The Greatest Gift: Owning Mistakes and Naming Underlying Emotions41:30 Upgrading Your OS: Why Flexibility is Essential for Modern Men42:59 Navigating the Extremes: The Paradox of Ideological Purity47:10 Reflections on Fatherhood: What Dr. Singley Did Right49:27 The One Step: Overcoming Isolation and Building Community51:13 The Hidden Danger: Loneliness and the Anxiety of "Bro-Dating"54:41 Closing Principle: Have the Strength to Be Kind56:16 Outro and ConclusionSupporting Content & ReferencesCenter for Men’s Excellence – Dr. Singley’s organization focused on men’s mental health and father-inclusive psychology  https://www.menexcel.comAmerican Psychological Association, Division 51: Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity https://www.apa.org/about/division/div51Fair Play by Eve Rodsky – referenced for practical tools in balancing domestic roles https://www.fairplaylife.comStrengths with Heart by Tom Rath (referenced in discussion on leadership and empathy) https://www.strengthswithheart.comUS Surgeon General’s Report on Loneliness and Social Isolation (2023) – cited in Dr. Singley’s point about community and health  https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/loneliness/index.html

In Part Two, Sean reflects on losing his stepfather and guiding his sons through grief, legacy, and growth. He shares stories of finding laughter in pain, of writing a eulogy that helped him truly understand the man who raised him, and of passing those lessons forward. Together, Shaun and Sean unpack how fathers can model empathy, resilience, and strength through vulnerability—and why raising sons of character starts with being honest about our own humanity.Key Takeaways / Topics CoveredGrief is a teacher — How fathers can lead their families through loss with honesty and calm strength.Model before you teach — Kids copy what they see; your actions are the real lesson.Empathy is legacy — Raising sons who choose kindness and courage in a noisy world.Humor heals — Laughter and humility are part of resilience.Love is conditional in effort, not worth — Sean reminds that love is deep, but accountability still matters.“You just have to try—that’s fatherhood. Trying, failing, and trying again.” —Sean Harvey“Whatever they see you do—that’s who they’ll become.” —Shaun Dawson“Life’s too short to ruin someone else’s day. It feels better to make it better.” —Sean Harvey“I don’t do unconditional love in behavior. You’ve still got to do right by people.” —Sean HarveySupporting ContentThe Kids Are Sleep podcast: https://thekidsaresleeppod.com/Instagram (Sean): https://www.instagram.com/therealseanharvey/Timestamps / Chapter Markers00:00 Cultivating Understanding: Communicating Why We Push Our Kids (The Right-Hand Layup)03:22 The Challenge of Independence: Figuring Out the "Redo" for the Second Child05:46 The Genetics and The Goals: Tall Parents, Athletic Potential, and Non-Athletic Kids09:22The Asset vs. Liability: Getting Young Girls into Sports11:24 The Specialization Trap: Dealing with Pressure from Club Sports14:34 Courage in Vulnerability: What Motivates Sharing the "Messy Life" of Parenting17:07 The Identity Shift: From Political Satire/Rapper to Public Fatherhood21:28 The Strength of Vulnerability: The Castle Metaphor and Letting People In23:31 The True Measure of Success: How Well Kids Do Once They Leave24:20 Values to Instill: Hard Work, Compassion, and Conditional Love26:49 Managing the Tension: Unconditional Love vs. Raising Independent Adults28:22 The "College Hair" Conversation: Comforting Kids vs. Facing Reality30:10 Advice for Failing Dads: Keep Trying, Keep Failing (The Road to Excellence)31:54 The Difficult Talk: Using Chess to Broach Uncomfortable Topics with His Son34:00 The Most Important Example: Showing Sons How to Love and Respect Their Mother35:51 Excellence is Failure: Why You Must Embrace Continuous Failure in Fatherhood37:42 The Core Principle: How to Raise Powerful, Compassionate Men – "Don't Be a Dick"40:03 The Power of Childhood Humiliation: A Puddle of Pee and the Iconoclastic Path43:10 The Ripple Effect: Why Good Deeds and Positivity are the True Source of Empowerment45:20 Breaking the Cycle: Not Raising Kids Who "Were Raised by a Dick"47:35 The Small Act of Kindness: The Calculus of Holding a Door49:26 Conclusion: The Value of a Mother's Love and Early Loss

In this first half of our conversation, The Kids Are Sleep co-host Sean Harvey joins Shaun to talk about the messy, meaningful side of marriage and modern fatherhood. From late-night talks with his wife Shannon to the daily rhythm of keeping love alive while raising two boys, Sean opens up about what real connection looks like when life gets chaotic. They explore how humor, honesty, and presence keep a family grounded—and how redefining masculinity starts at home.Key Takeaways / Topics CoveredConnection is daily work — Sean and Shannon intentionally sit down together every night to talk and decompress.Presence over perfection — Fatherhood is about showing up, not having it figured out.Evolving masculinity — Redefining strength through gentleness, humor, and communication.Raising sons means modeling love — Kids learn how to love and respect by what they witness between their parents.Balance is the new success — True fatherhood integrates ambition, love, and emotional awareness.“If you don’t sit down together every day, you risk losing your connection—and that’s when things start to drift.” — Sean Harvey“You can’t quit being a dad. So if you can’t stop, you just keep trying.” — Shaun Dawson“Our kids learn how to love by watching how we love their mother.” — Sean Harvey“Once I realized there weren’t many masculine, public fathers, I knew there was value in showing that side of myself.” — Sean HarveyTimelines00:00 Introduction: Sean Harvey and The Kids Are Sleep Podcast01:02 Inspiration: The Show Was Born from Post-COVID Couple Laughter02:57 Marriage Dynamics: Having Each Other's Backs vs. Ribbing Each Other04:22Marriage Seasons: Friendship vs. Transactional Partnership (Especially with Kids)05:00 Parenting Strategy: Why You Can't Undermine Your Partner06:08 The Kids are Ingenious: How Children Exploit Cracks in the Routine07:05 Discussing the Joy and Planning of Children (Gender Preferences)08:55 The Terror of a Teenage Girl vs. Early Troubles with Boys10:13 Balancing Kids, Marriage, and Self: The Need for Late-Night Space12:25 Risking It All: Why Constant Daily Connection is Crucial for Marriage13:08 The WFH Dynamic: Learning How to Share Space and Not Kill Each Other14:36 The Beard Principle: Optimizing for What Your Partner Wants16:23 The Unorthodox Childhood: How a Dream-Chasing Father Shaped Sean18:56 The Sacrifice of Excellence: Choosing Family Over Journeyman Fame19:26 Parallel Story: A World-Class Sportscaster Father and the Cost of Excellence23:04 The Moment of Realization: Seeing His Dad Through New Eyes in Portland27:14 The Generational Divide: Confronting Fatherhood in the Modern Era28:42 Finding Balance: The Next Generation of Parenting29:38 New Threats: Why Fathers Must Be More Present Than Ever30:51 Tech Gap: Kids' Savvy vs. The "Turn It Off and On Again" Rule32:00 Dealing with Loss: Announcing a Close Family Death to Children34:56 The Grieving Process: Observing Kids Looking for Emotional Cues35:58 Coping with Loss: The Life Lesson of Normalcy After Death37:42 A Story of Empathy and Normalcy: Going to Work After Losing a Parent40:00 Coping Mechanisms: The Power of Humor and Levity in Trauma41:05 The Tension: Joking About Seriousness to Retain Poignancy42:17 The Final Interaction: A New Coming-of-Age Threshold44:08 The Pressure Motivator: Writing the Eulogy the Day Before46:15 Intergenerational Realization: The "Asshole" Dad Who Asked Too Many Questions47:19 The Final Challenge: How to Cultivate Understanding in Our Kids NowSupporting ContentThe Kids Are Sleep podcast: https://thekidsaresleeppod.com/Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2BLqNnuXNGpzCioZOlzKsMApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-kids-are-sleep/id1678661363Instagram (Sean): https://www.instagram.com/therealseanharvey/Instagram (Shannon): https://www.instagram.com/therealshannonharvey

In this conversation, Eli Weinstein unpacks the emotional journey men go through as they shift from “just a guy” to a present, grounded, emotionally intelligent dad. Drawing from his work as a therapist, author, and host of The Dude Therapist, Eli breaks down the fears, expectations, and heart-level responsibilities that come with modern fatherhood — and how men can rise to them with honesty, humility, and strength. His new book, Dudes to Dads, gives fathers a roadmap to show up with clarity and connection in the moments that matter most.Topics CoveredThe emotional transition from “dude” to fully engaged father — what men often struggle with but rarely say out loud.Modern masculinity and mental health — unlearning the silence of past generations and building new patterns of emotional strength.Key insights from Dudes to Dads — identity shifts, communication, and redefining what support looks like.The role of fathers in raising emotionally grounded sons — modeling vulnerability, presence, and healthy expression.Practical, everyday habits for better connection — tools men can start using today to strengthen their relationships and parenting."Fatherhood isn’t about having the answers — it’s about being willing to show up while you find them.“We have to stop treating emotions like the enemy. They’re the roadmap to deeper connection.“Your kids don’t need a perfect dad; they need a present one.”Timestamps00:00 - Introduction: Ellie Weinstein & the Book04:41 - Why the Book Was Written07:45 - Relationship Strain After Kids11:41 - Paternal Postpartum Anxiety13:05 - Male Vulnerability & Societal Pressure15:01 - Masculinity and True Strength21:20 - Raising Sons with Emotional Honesty27:19 - The Import/Export Home Culture Tool33:52 - The Dude-to-Dad Transition37:43 - Interdependence vs. Losing Self41:33 - Sharing Hobbies with Kids43:47 - How to Connect with Eli44:54 - One Final Principle47:10 - Closing ThoughtsTopics, Books & Ideas LinkedDudes to Dads (Book): https://www.elivation.org/dudes-to-dadsThe Dude Therapist Podcast: https://www.elivation.org/the-dude-therapist-podcastApple Podcast Link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-dude-therapist/id1523217780Spotify Podcast Link: https://open.spotify.com/show/0lQzVztPzPN8ZOcN0X2w1SELIvation Website: https://www.elivation.orgEmotional Fitness Concepts (Blog & Resources): https://www.elivation.org/blogGeneral Resources Page: https://www.elivation.org/resources

In this conversation, Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield shares her insights on the unique dynamics between fathers and daughters, emphasizing the importance of emotional connection and communication. She discusses practical tools for fathers to improve their relationships with their children, particularly daughters, and highlights the significant influence fathers have on their children's emotional health. The conversation also touches on the challenges fathers face in understanding and responding to their children's emotional needs, and the necessity of self-regulation in parenting.Key Takeaways / Topics CoveredNever underestimate the power of your presence. Every area of a child’s life improves when they feel connected to their father. Presence — not perfection — is what transforms kids.Connection > Correction. Heart-level connection opens the drawbridge. Correction without connection triggers defensiveness and shutdown. Regulate yourself first. If you’re at an 8, 9, or 10 internally, that’s your old story firing — not your child’s fault. Calm your nervous system before responding.Ask questions that open the heart, not interrogate it. Use “I’m wondering…” + who/what/when/where/how + key/last-word questions to help kids talk and feel understood. Drop your anger. Dr. Michelle said dads must “drop anger” — not just control it — because anger closes the drawbridge and disconnects kids.Principle #1:“Never underestimate the power of your presence as a father.” Connection is what changes everything — not getting it perfect. Principle #2:“Drop your anger.” Not just manage it — drop it. When anger leads, connection dies.Practical tips1. Use bilateral stimulation to calm down. Tap your legs left–right (“going on a bear hunt”) or go for a walk to get out of fight/flight/freeze. 2. Use “I’m wondering…” to soften tough conversations. Example: “I’m wondering what was going on for you today?” This instantly opens your child's heart rather than triggering defensiveness. 3. Use who/what/when/where/how (avoid “why”) Pair it with the key word or last word your child said to keep conversations flowing.4. Write sticky notes or mirror notes. A simple “Have a great day” from dad becomes a lifelong identity seed. Women especially internalize written encouragement. 5. If estranged: start a dated “time capsule journal”. Write entries to your child so they can one day see you never stopped showing up emotionally. 6. Expand your “window of tolerance”. Especially for daughters who talk more — slow down, listen more, and tolerate messiness. Pull Quotes1. “Never underestimate the power of your presence as a father.” 2. “Men would rather do nothing than do it wrong… but doing nothing is doing it wrong.”Timestamps / Chapter Markers00:07 Intro & Meeting Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield01:46 The Unique Dynamic of Dads and Daughters03:00 Turning the Hearts of Fathers to Their Daughters05:20 Similarities and Differences in Raising Sons vs. Daughters06:20 How Daughter Relationships Benefit All Your Relationships07:49 The Castle Metaphor: Strength vs. Enclosure09:59 Why Men Freeze: Doing Nothing vs. Doing it Wrong12:15 Action Figures: The Need for Dads to Take Action13:00 Understanding the Freeze Response (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn)14:38 Calming Techniques: Getting Out of the Activated Nervous System16:53 Conan the Barbarian Brain vs. Sherlock Holmes Brain18:54 Identifying Your "Old Stuff" (Triggers)23:45 Genetics and Gender: Why Daughters Need More Listening25:36 Venusian Communication: Figuring Things Out by Talking26:58 Example: Co-Regulating a Child's Meltdown32:27 The Intentionality Trap: Why We Think Kids are Lying35:20 Practical Tool: Using Who, What, When, Where, How40:41 Practical Tool: The Power of "I'm Wondering..."43:32 Practical Tool: Writing Notes on Mirrors46:58 The Love Bank: 5 Deposits to 1 Withdrawal48:42 The Guiding Principle for Fathers49:20 Never Underestimate the Power of Your Presence51:47 Don't Respond in Anger: Drop Your Anger53:38 Closing & Where to Find Dr. MichelleSupporting ContentLet’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters https://www.bethanyhouse.com/9780764235689/lets-talk/Dad, Here’s What I Really Need From You https://drmichellewatson.com/books/The Dad Whisperer Podcast https://drmichellewatson.com/podcast/The Abba Project https://drmichellewatson.com/the-abba-project/Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield – Website https://drmichellewatson.com/The Female Brain — Louann Brizendine https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/19178/the-female-brain-by-louann-brizendine-md/Connect with Dr. Michelle Watson-CanfieldWebsite: drmichellewatson.comFacebook: facebook.com/drmichellewatsonInstagram: @michellejwatson + @thedadwhispererpodcastX: @mwatsonphdLinkedIn: Dr. Michelle Watson CanfieldYouTube: @thedadwhisperer

In this episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson sits down with Christopher Veal — author of The Whole Man: Evolving Masculinity, Marine veteran, and host of The Vulnerable Man Podcast — to explore what it really means to be a “whole man.” Together, they unpack the myths of masculine strength, the courage behind vulnerability, and how fathers can model emotional integrity for their kids.Key TakeawaysTrue strength isn’t in the walls we build.  Masculinity isn’t about armor or control — it’s about creating space where life and connection can thrive.Healthy masculinity lives in the ‘both/and.’  Real manhood blends courage and compassion. It’s not dominance or softness — it’s the balance of both.Vulnerability is leadership.  Showing emotion or admitting mistakes doesn’t weaken fathers — it builds trust and emotional safety for sons.Fathers shape emotional literacy. Boys learn more from what we model than what we say. Our responses to fear, love, and failure teach manhood.Legacy is wholeness, not perfection. The “whole man” integrates every side of himself — strong yet open, firm yet kind. That’s what our sons remember.Pull Quotes“We’ve built castles so strong no one can break in — but nothing can grow inside either.” — Shaun Dawson“Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s the courage to be seen, especially by the ones who look up to us.” — Christopher Veal“Our sons don’t need one version of masculinity — they need the full spectrum of what being human looks like.” — Shaun DawsonTimestamps / Chapter Markers00:00 – 02:45 – Intro: male vulnerability & authentic friendships02:45 – 05:30 – Masculinity & societal pressures05:30 – 08:10 – Vulnerability and strength in high-pressure environments08:10 – 11:05 – Fatherhood: teaching through action11:05 – 14:00 – Self-awareness, ego, and confidence vs. arrogance14:00 – 17:20 – Excellence vs. perfection17:20 – 20:05 – Learning from failure & embracing mistakes20:05 – 22:50 – Connecting emotionally with other men22:50 – 25:00 – Going second: showing openness to build trust25:01 – 28:15 – Father figures & cross-cultural influences28:16 – 31:45 – Grace in parenting & male friendships31:46 – 34:30 – Confronting flaws & modeling honesty34:31 – 37:50 – Navigating polarized cultural narratives37:51 – 41:00 – Fostering meaningful male connections41:01 – 44:15 – Practical advice: self-awareness & intentionality44:16 – 47:30 – Key takeaways & lessons learned47:31 – End – Closing remarks & final encouragement🔗 Supporting Content & ResourcesBook: The Whole Man: Evolving Masculinity by Christopher Veal Explores how men can integrate vulnerability and emotional intelligence into leadership and fatherhood.Podcast: The Vulnerable Man Podcast Christopher’s ongoing conversations with men about courage, leadership, and emotional truth.Further Reading Mentioned:Daring Greatly by Brené Brown — Understanding vulnerability as the birthplace of courage and connection.The Mask of Masculinity by Lewis Howes — On breaking emotional armor and redefining male strength.The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida — Classic work on balancing masculine energy with openness.

Simon shares how mindfulness transformed his life after years of mental-health struggle and burnout — helping him become a more present father, husband, and therapist. Together, Shaun and Simon explore how mindfulness, emotional awareness, and healthy masculinity shape the next generation of men. Key TakeawaysMindfulness begins with awareness. Bringing the subconscious to the conscious allows fathers to be truly present with their children.Healing starts with connection. Therapy, lived-experience storytelling, and vulnerability create powerful pathways for men to recover and grow.Redefining masculinity is generational work. By modeling emotional awareness and imperfection, fathers teach sons that strength and softness can coexist.Pull Quotes “Mindfulness means conscious awareness — bringing the subconscious to the conscious and being present.” — Simon Rinn“To regain control, we often have to let go of control.” — Simon Rinne“Identify your core values and live by them every day. That’s how we become better fathers and partners.” — Simon Rinne“Providing money isn’t the only thing you’re supposed to be providing — you’re supposed to provide safety, comfort, and connection.” — Shaun Dawson"It’s not the same old playbook anymore; our sons will need different skills to thrive in the world they’re growing up in.” — Shaun DawsonTimestamps / Chapter Markers00:00 — Welcome back + who is Simon Rinne00:36 — Mindfulness defined: “conscious awareness” for parents01:15 — Simon’s backstory: OCD at 8, anxiety, depression02:21 — Coping with alcohol and delaying help03:14 — 2020 burnout: work, study, two kids, lockdown03:43 — Discovering mindfulness and “lived-experience” therapy04:39 — Feeling seen and heard for the first time05:12 — Why men delay getting help06:04 — Growing up in Adelaide; 80s/90s “suck it up” culture07:26 — Bottling emotions, anger as the only “allowed” feeling08:26 — Parents split at 13; “man of the house” pressure09:18 — Alcohol at 15; clinic calls for positive male role models10:15 — Social constructions of masculinity across eras11:37 — Reframing masculinity: healthy vs “toxic” labels12:50 — Past, present, future reflection for dads and sons14:30 — Biggest misconception: “men can’t seek help”15:26 — Lived experience builds trust; team problem-solving16:39 — Finding the right “fit” in therapy, like fitness modalities17:50 — Beyond therapy: sleep, food, movement, addictions18:36 — Dopamine loops and sustainable change19:44 — Mindful parenting: patience, presence, emotions21:08 — The playbook is changing; imperfect parenting and repair23:24 — Modeling apologies and rebuilding bridges24:49 — Negative vs virtuous feedback loops26:15 — “Always working” anxiety and learning to unplug27:22 — Provider tension in a 24/7 world29:00 — Connection is what kids want most30:23 — Regaining control by letting go of control31:17 — Live by values; kids learn from what we model32:50 — Start mindfulness “day one” by modeling, not lectures34:01 — Nature slows time; fewer screens, more real life35:23 — Tactical first step: “tune-up” your mind like a car36:53 — Pitfalls: old pain surfaces; that is part of healing38:09 — Wabi-sabi: the beauty of imperfection38:46 — How to engage with Mindful Men: podcast, therapy, group40:36 — One principle: identify 5–6 core values and live them41:53 — CloseSupporting Content & MentionsMindful Men Website: https://mindfulmen.com.auMindful Men Podcast: https://mindfulmen.com.au/podcastMindful Men Community (Facebook Group): https://www.facebook.com/groups/mindfulmencommunityMental Health Awareness Month (Australia): https://www.mentalhealthmonth.org.au/Concept Mentioned — Wabi-Sabi (Japanese philosophy of beauty in imperfection)

In this conversation, Shaun Dawson and Luke Entrup explore what it really means to guide boys into manhood in a culture that has lost its rites of passage. Luke shares how fathers can reclaim the ancient practice of initiation to raise sons of character, courage, and conviction. Together, they discuss how emotional intelligence, mentorship, and time in nature can help boys develop “heart-connected power” — strength balanced with compassion. Key TakeawaysRites of passage matter. When boys lack meaningful thresholds into adulthood, they seek belonging in unhealthy or toxic ways.Healthy masculinity is heart-connected power. Strength and sensitivity can coexist; empowerment means “power with,” not “power over.”Mentorship is missing. Fathers and communities must step up to guide boys intentionally into manhood.Growth requires discomfort. Modern initiations should challenge boys safely but meaningfully.Connection before correction. Daily “special time” strengthens the bond that supports discipline and trust.Digital disconnection. Real growth happens offline — in nature, in silence, and through shared experiences.“If we don’t provide a healthy framework for initiation, a toxic one will take its place.” - Luke Entrup“Power over is an expression of weakness; empowerment is an expression of strength.” - Luke Entrup“Silence is noble — it helps me listen better, parent better, and see more clearly what needs to happen next.” - Luke Entrup“Recognizing where we’ve fallen short as fathers isn’t failure — it’s the only way we grow.” - Shaun DawsonTimestamps / Chapter Markers00:00 — Welcome + who is Luke Entrup02:14 — What a rite of passage actually is03:48 — Why thresholds matter (and what we lost)05:41 — Two key transitions: childhood→adolescence, adolescence→manhood08:56 — Belonging first, then independence10:59 — Emotional intelligence as real power13:56 — Adapting ancient rites for modern life15:29 — Discomfort over danger: designing challenge well16:29 — When boys miss initiation (mentorship gap)18:39 — Screens hijack belonging20:22 — Two ails: phone culture + loss of free-range mobility22:02 — What healthy masculinity looks like25:52 — Reframing “toxic” vs healthy masculinity27:01 — How to build thresholds at home27:43 — Father-Son Connection Experience (Luke’s program)28:59 — Annual “hard thing together” in nature31:17 — Daily “special time” (15-minute ritual)32:43 — Closing the gap between the parent you are and hoped to be34:50 — The power of repair: “I’m sorry”37:13 — What Luke thinks he’s done well (awe + the natural world)39:15 — What he’d change (rigidity → flexibility)41:07 — Anti-fragility over brittleness42:08 — One principle: “Silence is noble”45:58 — The 3-step challenge for parents47:20 — The 4th step: “What do you need from me this year?”49:38 — Closing + creditsSupporting ContentThe Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt – on technology’s impact on youth.Bill Plotkin – Nature and the Human Soul – developmental stages and human initiation.Father–Son Connection Experience – Luke Entrup’s program for fathers and sons.Hand in Hand Parenting – source of the “special time” practice.Buddhist concept: “One eye in, one eye out” — awareness of both inner and outer landscapes.The Father’s Challenge by Luke EntrupSimple but powerful four-step challenge for fathers:Daily Special Time – 15 minutes of uninterrupted, child-led play.Join a Community – find or create a group of fathers committed to rites of passage.An Annual Adventure – one outdoor challenge shared with your son each year.Ask the Question – “What’s one thing you need from me this year to feel connected to me?”

In this conversation, Shaun sits down with Ken Mossman, leadership coach and host of Mojo for the Modern Man, to dismantle one of the most enduring myths in manhood — the “lone wolf” and “self-made man.” Together, they explore what it truly means for men to live with courage, connection, and curiosity in an age of isolation.Key Takeaways / Topics CoveredThe Lone Wolf is a Lie - Both Ken and Shaun dismantle the myth of the “self-made man” and the “lone cowboy.”Connection Requires Courage - Men often equate vulnerability with weakness, but the real courage is in showing the cards.Modeling Connection for Sons - Fathers teach by example. When they hide struggle, children inherit shame and perfectionism. When they model honesty, curiosity, and openness, they teach resilience and belonging.Loneliness vs. Junk Connection - Social media feels like community but isn’t. Shaun calls it “junk connection — like potato chips: fine in small doses, but if that’s all you eat, you starve.” Real nourishment comes from face-to-face relationships and shared vulnerability.Practical Starting PointsReach out to a friend you haven’t talked to in a while.Ask (and answer) “How are you really?”Join or start a men’s group — church-based, local, or Mankind Project-style.Give and receive help with grace; both are acts of generosity. “Have the discipline to move through the world with wild curiosity.” - Ken Mossman“Social media isn’t connection. It’s junk connection — and if that’s your only source of nourishment, you’re starving.” - Ken Mossman“We’ve been told that strength means doing it all alone — but real strength looks more like being part of a pack, not pretending to be a lone wolf.” - Shaun DawsonTimestamps / Chapter Markers00:02 – Welcome and guest intro00:40 – Where Ken is joining from00:51 – The “lone wolf” myth01:12 – Why fierce independence persists02:37 – The not-so “self-made” man03:56 – We stand on shoulders of giants04:29 – Dreams still need a team04:45 – Humility and asking for help05:14 – Burnout from doing everything05:24 – Shaun’s early fatherhood disconnect07:41 – Naming shame without drowning in it08:09 – What made Shaun open up08:19 – A friend’s hidden decade of struggle10:39 – Authority vs curiosity in men12:12 – Why men avoid “I don’t know”14:08 – Loneliness stats and concern14:30 – Few close friends for many men16:08 – Let others help you17:08 – The give and receive “math”18:12 – Generosity in receiving well19:46 – Candle and campfire metaphor20:23 – Info overload vs isolation21:03 – Social media is not connection21:53 – Performative feeds and algorithms24:58 – Admitting “I am lonely”25:42 – Belonging in echo chambers26:10 – Modeling for our kids27:26 – What example are we setting29:48 – “You’re acting like a four-year-old”31:00 – Meeting kids at their level32:27 – Catching your own anger spiral35:02 – Perfectionism shows up early37:02 – Checklists beat memory39:29 – Schooling, grades, and identity41:30 – Authority with fallibility43:02 – Permission to fail with grace45:02 – When kids do not mirror you46:33 – Tactical steps to reconnect47:15 – Reach out first48:20 – “How are you” vs “How are you really”51:35 – Do the handshake then go deep53:31 – Find a men’s group55:29 – Rebuilding lost institutions55:57 – Online groups need curation56:24 – Nothing beats face to face57:44 – One principle request58:32 – “Wild curiosity” as a discipline58:41 – Thanks and wrap-up59:05 – Off-mic closeSupporting ContentMojo for the Modern Man — Ken Mossman’s podcast on manhood and connectionMankind Project & Everyman — structured men’s groups fostering communityRaising Boys by Design by Gregory L. Jantz and Michael GurianThe Mask of Masculinity by Lewis HowesOf Boys and Men by Richard ReevesEveryman - men's community and platform helping men build connection, vulnerability and brotherhood

In this conversation, Caleb Scott shares his journey into fatherhood, discussing the unexpected challenges and emotional experiences that come with becoming a dad. He emphasizes the importance of community support, grace, and accountability in parenting. The discussion also touches on conflict management, resilience in children, and the significance of being present in their lives. Caleb reflects on the balance needed in parenting, learning from mistakes, and the invaluable gift of time spent with children. Ultimately, the conversation highlights the complexities of fatherhood and the growth that comes from navigating its challenges together.Key Takeaways / Topics CoveredNavigating challenges in parenting requires support and community.Grace is essential for parents and children alike.Conflict management is crucial for emotional intelligence in parenting.Accountability is a form of love in relationships.Children learn resilience through their parents' actions.Presence and attention are vital in a child's development.Finding balance in parenting is key to success.Mistakes in parenting can lead to growth and learning.Time spent with children is the greatest gift a parent can give.Pull Quotes“You are not built for fatherhood, but you are refined through it.”“It takes a village — not to raise your child, but to support you while you do it.”Timestamps / Chapter Markers00:00 – Introduction02:05 – Navigating Parenthood During a Pandemic04:27 – Overcoming Overwhelm and Embracing Change07:26 – The Importance of Community and Support09:37 – Grace: A Key to Successful Parenting12:38 – Understanding Emotions and Reactions15:22 – The Role of Preparation in Fatherhood17:49 – Conflict Management and Accountability in Parenting29:40 – Navigating Parental Tensions35:06 – The Balance of Accountability and Love43:26 – Vulnerability vs. Resilience in Parenting49:01 – The Resilience of Children and Parental Responsibility50:28 – Learning from Mistakes: The Power of Apology53:41 – Navigating Co-Parenting and Identity as a Father55:58 – The Importance of Presence in Parenting58:27 – Building Community Among Fathers01:00:44 – The Journey of Fatherhood: Connection and Growth01:02:55 – Normalizing the Struggles of Fatherhood01:04:11 – Principles of Influence: Leading by ExampleSupporting Content:Two-Brain Theory (Conan the Barbarian vs. Sherlock Holmes Brain) — a metaphor discussed by Shaun for emotional regulation, based on neuroscience concepts around the amygdala and prefrontal cortex.Daniel Kahneman – “Thinking, Fast and Slow” (System 1 and System 2 parallels)Daniel Goleman – “Emotional Intelligence”Robert Sapolsky – “Behave”2. Parenting & Emotional Regulation: Discussion around emotional control and grace aligns with research in developmental psychology. John Gottman – “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent ChildHarvard Center on the Developing Child – Studies on father involvement3. The Better Dad Podcast4. Caleb Scott on Linkedin5. Caleb Scott on Facebook6. Soapbox Studios

Shaun Dawson opens Raising Men with a simple truth: our sons aren’t just watching us—they’re becoming us. This is where the journey begins to raise men of purpose, strength, and heart. Follow the Raising Men Podcast Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@RaisingMen_PodcastInstagram https://www.instagram.com/raisingmen_podcast/Facebook https://www.facebook.com/raisingmen/Linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/company/raising-men/ Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@raisingmenpodcastX https://x.com/raisingmen_podBluesky https://bsky.app/profile/raisingmenpodcast.bsky.social