Claim OwnershipThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
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© 2026 The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
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Formerly the Parenting after Trauma podcast, internationally recognized children's mental health expert Robyn Gobbel decodes the most baffling behaviors for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. If you're parenting a child who has experienced trauma or toxic stress or a child with a neuroimmune disorder, sensory processing, or other nervous system vulnerability, this show will let you know you are not alone. You can stop playing behavior whack-a-mole because Robyn offers you tools that actually work.
You can become your child's expert, feel more confident as a parent, and bring more connection and clarity into your family.
Educators, therapists, coaches and consultants- you too can learn all about what behavior really is and become more effective at helping the families you support. You can love your work again!
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Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, and nervous system activation. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening. If you’ve spent years learning about the nervous system to better support your child, and now you’re ready to offer the same curiosity and compassion to yourself, then this episode is for you. In this episode, you’ll learn: How core nervous system concepts like connection vs. protection, regulation, and felt safety apply to you...
This episode originally aired in 2020. It's a very popular episode that deserved being updated because so many folks are still listening! *** Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most. It's confusing. It's triggering. It's exhausting. We can use our x-ray vision goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and increases the possibility of helping our children developing more socially and relationally ...
Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, and nervous system overwhelm. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening. Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can stir up your own trauma in ways that feel surprising, intense, and deeply unsettling. In this episode, we slow everything down and make sense of why this kind of parenting can feel so much harder when you have your own trauma history. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why parenting a...
Content warning: This episode includes discussion of severe trauma, abuse (including sexual abuse), dissociation, and suicidal ideation. Please take care while listening and pause if needed. In today’s episode, Robyn is joined by therapist, author, and adoptive parent Sally Maslansky to explore dissociative identity disorder through the lens of interpersonal neurobiology, attachment, and compassion. Together, they unpack how even the most confusing and baffling behaviors- ours and our childre...
Should we be talking about felt safety when so much is genuinely unsafe? I’ve been thinking a lot about this hard and honest question that so many parents are holding: when danger, injustice, and unmet needs are real and ongoing, does focusing on felt safety miss the point? Or can it actually be part of resistance, coherence, and long-term protection for our nervous systems? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why focusing on felt safety is not the same as ignoring real danger, injustice, or syst...
In part 3 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, Juliane Taylor Shore talks us through how boundaries work in relationships with our children - relationships where we have to show up every day - and why it is so important for us to have good psychological boundaries when our children are verbally aggressive. In this episode, you’ll learn: What are psychological boundariesHow do psychological boundaries help usWhy good psychological boundaries are important when a child is verbal...
In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation. In this episode, you’ll learn: How boundaries can create physical and emotional safetyHow to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued developmentHow to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulationResources mentioned in this podcast: Previous podcast episode ht...
Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What boundaries really areHow they are different than punishment and rulesExamples of boundariesWhat to do when y...
In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a...
If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child? In this episode you’ll learn: How connection and protection can get tied togetherHow to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your childThe science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your lifeResources me...
Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease. In this episode you’ll learn: An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationshipHow to use our grown-up brains to invite connection and cooperationStrategies for creating felt safety in the child's inner wor...
What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways. In this episode you’ll learn: That even oppositional behaviors make total senseSpending a lot of time in protection m...
Cues of safety, danger, or life threat come from three places- inside, outside, and between. In part 3 of this series on felt safety, we are exploring felt safety from between- from relationship! In this episode, you’ll learn How availability of connection is a cue of safety or dangerHow neuroception can tell the state of the other person’s nervous system (connection or protection?)Why nervous systems are contagiousHow ‘between’ cues of safety eventually become ‘inside’ cues of safetyHow you ...
In this second episode of a three-part series on felt safety, we are going to explore all the ways our kids (and ourselves) are neuroceiving safety or danger from what’s happening in the environment. In this episode, you’ll learn Misconceptions about felt safetyExternal (outside) cues of felt safety, such as the environment, sensory experiences, structure, and environmental demandsWhat we do with this informationFree Multi-Page Infographic all about Felt Safety! CLICK HERE Resources mention...
Let’s go back to basics! Last week we talked about seeing behavior through the lens of the nervous system and then took a deep-dive into co-regulation. FREE Downloadable Infographic all about Felt Safety! RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyinfographic This week begins a three-part deep-dive into the foundational concept of felt safety. What is felt safety, what isn’t felt safety, and why it matters! Next we will explore the many different ways we are all neuroceiving safety (or not) from our inner wor...
To celebrate our 5th birthday, I gathered 5 tips from our top 5 episodes. I’m revisiting important take-aways from episodes about boundaries, oppositional behavior, and how parenting kids with a vulnerable nervous system is traumatic. Each of these episodes have a free downloadable infographic! You can find them all at RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub In this episode, you’ll learn What ‘boundary’ really mean (hint: it’s not about controlling anyone else’s behavior)What kind of boundary...
Ever notice how some kids just cannot talk about hard things- especially if it’s about their own mistakes or ‘bad’ behavior? Maybe they melt down the second you bring it up… or shut down completely. Let’s unpack what’s really going on when kids refuse to talk about mistakes or anything that feels “bad.” You’ll learn why their brain might be protecting them from feelings that are just too much - and how you can gently help them build the capacity to feel bad and still be okay. In this episode...
Does your child get stuck in “buy me, buy me, buy me!” mode? Or maybe they melt down when they can’t have what they want right now? I know it seems selfish, manipulative, or even bratty- but we want to put on our x-ray vision goggles and get curious about WHY. In this episode, we’ll unpack why delayed gratification and frustration tolerance are Owl Brain skills. You’ll learn how to grow your child’s capacity to wait, tolerate disappointment, and handle “no” without losing connecti...
Is your child suddenly quiet… but you can feel something bubbling under the surface? They aren’t yelling, running, or arguing like usual- but you can tell their system is still fired up and on high alert. Today, we’re talking about that “quiet volcano” version of watchdog energy. It looks calm. Still. Almost possum-like. But inside? Their nervous system is holding a TON of activation right under the surface. In this episode, you’ll learn how to tell the difference between true shutdown and co...
This episode originally aired in October 2024. All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety. In this episode, you’ll learn How all brains create realityThe brain’s most important jobTh...
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"Mass window of tolerance"...love this idea!