Claim OwnershipThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
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© 2026 The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
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Formerly the Parenting after Trauma podcast, internationally recognized children's mental health expert Robyn Gobbel decodes the most baffling behaviors for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. If you're parenting a child who has experienced trauma or toxic stress or a child with a neuroimmune disorder, sensory processing, or other nervous system vulnerability, this show will let you know you are not alone. You can stop playing behavior whack-a-mole because Robyn offers you tools that actually work.
You can become your child's expert, feel more confident as a parent, and bring more connection and clarity into your family.
Educators, therapists, coaches and consultants- you too can learn all about what behavior really is and become more effective at helping the families you support. You can love your work again!
354 Episodes
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This episode is an update and re-record of episode 56 Consequences. Punishments. Limits. Boundaries. These words don't mean the same thing but we often use them interchangeably. In this episode, we get clear on what exactly is a consequence versus a punishment versus a boundary. And how parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety is absolutely not boundary-less or permissive parenting. It's a way of looking at our kids and asking "What does my child need for the...
If you’re parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system when you have your own history of trauma, you know that sometimes your reaction isn’t really about what’s happening in front of you; it’s about what’s happened before. In this episode, we’re talking about how to gently uncover what might be going on when you have a huge stress response to a stressor that didn’t quite need an attack-level watchdog response. In this episode, you’ll learn: What a trigger actually is (and why it doesn...
This is a re-record of a foundation episode, episode 94 The Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What stress is and how to differentiate good stress from bad stressThe impact of trauma and toxic stress to the Stress Response SystemHow to build resilience in a sensitized Stress Response SystemA reframe to shift your own Stress Response System The Club- you never wanted to join, but are...
Content note: This episode discusses trauma, nervous system activation, and protective responses such as shutdown, dissociation, anger, and urgency. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening. If you have a history of trauma, your watchdog and possum parts have likely been working hard for a long time. And when you’re parenting a child with big baffling behaviors, those protectors can get loud. In this episode, we draw inspiration from Dan Siegel’s work to explore what...
This is a re-record of a foundation episode, episode 7 The brain has two modes- connection or protection. Protective behaviors include opposition, defiance, aggression- basically, any behavior that doesn't invite connection. If we want to help shift our children's oppositional behaviors, we must first help their brain shift out of protection and into protection! You can read more on my blog: robyngobbel.com/connectionorprotection/ Resources mentioned on the podcast: Match the Energy Not ...
Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, nervous system activation, and self-compassion. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening. Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can stretch your capacity in profound ways, especially when you have a history of trauma yourself. In this episode, we explore what it really means to nurture your window of tolerance, not through force or self-discipline, but through safety, connection, and compassi...
On February 3, I taught a live webinar online- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior. This is the audio-only version of that webinar! To watch the full video webinar and to download the accompanying resources, head to RobynGobbel.com/webinar In this webinar, you'll learn the three core tenets that underlie behavior changewhat behavior really ishow regulation, connection, and felt safety are related to behaviorhow the nervous system responds to stresswhy baffling behaviors are due to ...
Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, and nervous system activation. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening. If you’ve spent years learning about the nervous system to better support your child, and now you’re ready to offer the same curiosity and compassion to yourself, then this episode is for you. In this episode, you’ll learn: How core nervous system concepts like connection vs. protection, regulation, and felt safety apply to you...
This episode originally aired in 2020. It's a very popular episode that deserved being updated because so many folks are still listening! *** Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most. It's confusing. It's triggering. It's exhausting. We can use our x-ray vision goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and increases the possibility of helping our children developing more socially and relationally ...
Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, and nervous system overwhelm. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening. Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can stir up your own trauma in ways that feel surprising, intense, and deeply unsettling. In this episode, we slow everything down and make sense of why this kind of parenting can feel so much harder when you have your own trauma history. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why parenting a...
Content warning: This episode includes discussion of severe trauma, abuse (including sexual abuse), dissociation, and suicidal ideation. Please take care while listening and pause if needed. In today’s episode, Robyn is joined by therapist, author, and adoptive parent Sally Maslansky to explore dissociative identity disorder through the lens of interpersonal neurobiology, attachment, and compassion. Together, they unpack how even the most confusing and baffling behaviors- ours and our childre...
Should we be talking about felt safety when so much is genuinely unsafe? I’ve been thinking a lot about this hard and honest question that so many parents are holding: when danger, injustice, and unmet needs are real and ongoing, does focusing on felt safety miss the point? Or can it actually be part of resistance, coherence, and long-term protection for our nervous systems? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why focusing on felt safety is not the same as ignoring real danger, injustice, or syst...
In part 3 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, Juliane Taylor Shore talks us through how boundaries work in relationships with our children - relationships where we have to show up every day - and why it is so important for us to have good psychological boundaries when our children are verbally aggressive. In this episode, you’ll learn: What are psychological boundariesHow do psychological boundaries help usWhy good psychological boundaries are important when a child is verbal...
In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation. In this episode, you’ll learn: How boundaries can create physical and emotional safetyHow to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued developmentHow to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulationResources mentioned in this podcast: Previous podcast episode ht...
Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What boundaries really areHow they are different than punishment and rulesExamples of boundariesWhat to do when y...
In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a...
If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child? In this episode you’ll learn: How connection and protection can get tied togetherHow to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your childThe science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your lifeResources me...
Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease. In this episode you’ll learn: An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationshipHow to use our grown-up brains to invite connection and cooperationStrategies for creating felt safety in the child's inner wor...
What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways. In this episode you’ll learn: That even oppositional behaviors make total senseSpending a lot of time in protection m...
Cues of safety, danger, or life threat come from three places- inside, outside, and between. In part 3 of this series on felt safety, we are exploring felt safety from between- from relationship! In this episode, you’ll learn How availability of connection is a cue of safety or dangerHow neuroception can tell the state of the other person’s nervous system (connection or protection?)Why nervous systems are contagiousHow ‘between’ cues of safety eventually become ‘inside’ cues of safetyHow you ...
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"Mass window of tolerance"...love this idea!