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© 2026 Love in a F*cked Up World
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Why do so many of us act our worst in relationships? How can we hold on to our liberatory values even when strong feelings are involved? For 25 years, Dean Spade has been working in movements for queer and trans liberation and to end police, prisons, immigration enforcement, and war. In his new podcast, Love in a F*cked Up World, Dean and his guests offer concrete tools for building and sustaining strong relationships, because our connections to each other are the building blocks of our resistance.
25 Episodes
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Dean chats with his friend, the brilliant writer and activist Eli Clare, about his newest book, Unfurl, which Eli describes as a queer disabled love song. Dean and Eli talk about grief and what it means to live with a broken heart, dealing with feelings of betrayal and disappointment in longtime movement work, and the persistence of internalized shame. They also talk about the importance of different types of connections across the long arc of Eli's exquisite work shaping trans politics and d...
Dean sits down with friend and collaborator Benji Hart, a facilitator, educator, writer, and artist with years of experience in multiracial abolitionist organizing. Together, they discuss their anti-militarism work with the group Dissenters and explore the deep connections between transformative justice and artistic practice. Benji shares insights from their experience facilitating transformative justice processes, emphasizing the importance of treating the work as planting seeds, understandi...
1Morgan Bassichis is back with Dean to talk through a listener question about when self-improvement work is too rigorous and/or driven by shame. Morgan and Dean go deep, thinking together about the really painful beliefs about ourselves that sometimes come up and how to move through them. How can we hold ourselves with humility, recognizing our growth edges and taking actions we want to take, but also accept ourselves and each other as we are with gentleness? Join us on Patreon for unique cont...
Dean is joined by longtime collaborator and dear friend Andrea Ritchie, author of Practicing New Worlds, Invisible No More, No More Police, and other essential books and toolkits that you can find linked below and on the Interrupting Criminalization website. Andrea has been documenting, organizing, advocating, litigating, and agitating around policing and criminalization of Black women, girls, trans, and gender nonconforming people for the past three decades. She talks with Dean about the gor...
Chani Nicholas, queer feminist astrologer and author of You Were Born for This, joins Dean to talk about how she got politicized, how we hold fear and choose purposeful action in these difficult times, what it takes to stand up for what we believe in when were are under pressure, and what it means to worship time. Visit Chani’s website for access to her app and to listen to both of her podcasts: Astrology of the Week Ahead and Down to Astro. You can watch her 2026 Astrology Forecast for...
Dean is excited to share an episode of the podcast Green Dreamer, hosted by kaméa chayne. Green Dreamer features thoughtful, engaging interviews with organizers, writers, artists, and thinkers working towards transformative change. You can listen to a recent episode featuring Dean here. This episode features an interview with adrienne maree brown and addresses questions including: How do we navigate friendships in the context of social change and increasing political divides? What does it mea...
Dean speaks (in person!) with Peter Gelderloos, whose work has profoundly shaped Dean’s political development since he first encountered How Nonviolence Protects the State in the early 2000s. Together, they discuss revolutionary tactics, the criminalization of resistance, and how to challenge dominant narratives of pacifism. Peter also describes an “ecosystem of revolt” and shares an image that helped Dean conceptualize the new introduction to the recently released second edition of his book,...
Dean sits down with Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like a Woman and host of the Co-Regulation podcast to talk about Holly’s critical feminist analysis of how the alcohol industry and the ubiquity of 12-step impact how we perceive drinking and sobriety. We recommend pairing this episode with our previous episode with Shira Hassan, as well as the bonus interview with Shira that you can find for free on Patreon. Shira is the author of Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm Red...
In societies where we throw people away regularly, where carcerality is woven into the emotional fabric of all of our psyches and relationships, it can be VERY hard to give and receive direct feedback. Often we don’t tell people when they hurt us and then we blow up at them or ghost after saving up a pile of hurts. Or we build resentments that are toxic for us and for relationships or groups. And most of us are very defensive when people offer feedback because we’re afraid of being thrown awa...
Shira Hassan brings her brilliance and decades of experience in harm reduction, transformative justice, and self-help to this deep-dive conversation. With thoughtful questions for Dean about Love in a F*cked Up World, she opens a nuanced exploration of the relationship between dissociation and numbness, rebellious awareness and radical acceptance, the role of softness in the midst of hard work, and setting boundaries as an abolitionist and harm reductionist. Join us on Patreon for additional ...
Crushes can be fun and enlivening, but sometimes they are ill-timed or ill-suited, and it can be hard to shake them off. Morgan Bassichis is back to discuss one of the most popular tools from Dean's book Love in a F*cked Up World: 7 Steps for De-escalating a Crush. This tool can help you to turn down the intensity of the interest or obsession when you're feeling crushed out. Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes o...
Jessica Lanyadoo is back with Dean for part two of this AMA, where they tackle more listener questions. They dive into everything from negotiating relationship terms — like how to open a relationship, set boundaries, and talk about safer sex — to conversations about porn, casual sex, gender envy, and parasocial relationships. Listen to Part 1 of this episode on Apple here, Spotify here, or Dean's website here. Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon ...
Jessica Lanyadoo joins Dean for the first AMA episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Jessica and Dean answer listener questions about how to navigate our relationships with friends in the context of these terrifying times, how to deal with differing awareness and practices around COVID in our community spaces, and how to negotiate and reckon with differences in class and access to resources in organizing. We got so many great questions from listeners that we’ll be releasing this conversation i...
Kelly Hayes joins Dean Spade to talk about the relational work of movement building. In a critical moment in Chicago, Kelly and Dean talk about how to establish the trust needed to take the kinds of risks necessary to fight ICE and fascist invasion. They also talk about AI and journalism, and Kelly tells Dean how when confronting fascism, "The truth is a front of struggle." Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the the...
Weyam Ghadbian joins Dean Spade to talk about Dean's tool 7 Steps for Deescalating a Crush, how Weyam encouraged Dean to discuss the transformative power of love, when attachment theory is useful, and when it's ok to give self help books as gifts. Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, tickets to online events, and to submit questions for upcoming Ask Me Anything episodes. Check out Turning Towards ...
Dean is excited to share an episode of one of his favorite podcasts, How to Survive the End of the World, hosted by Autumn Brown and adrienne maree brown. In this episode, "Be My Senpai" the sisters answer a listener question about how to interface with critical feedback and even trolling. They dive into the the importance of belonging and the ways they establish safety and boundaries in their lives, how self-protection is crucial in maintaining mental health, and how competing political prio...
How can you tell when it's time to leave a relationship with a person, project, job, or group? How can you tell if you have a tendency to walk away too fast or to stay too long in relationships? Morgan Bassichis is back to go deep into these questions with Dean, including talking about how to know when to keep trying to convince people of your perspective and when to move on. Dean and Morgan recorded this episode together (in the same room!) and you can watch the video on YouTube. Have ...
Prentis Hemphill joins Dean Spade in this episode to talk about love, organizing, and healing. They talk about projection, practice, and their approaches to writing books in the self help genre. Check out Prentis's book, What it Takes to Heal, and podcast, Becoming the People. This episode is available in video format on YouTube. Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, tickets to online events,...
Is sexting sex? And is sexting cheating if someone is monogamous? How can we be clear in our communication and boundaries? Can we feel ok giving a maybe or accepting a no? Morgan Bassichis is back with Dean to talk through frequently asked questions about navigating long distance and electronic communication in relationships. Do you have a question for Dean? Here are upcoming opportunities to ask: Send us your question for an upcoming AMA episode featuring Dean and Jessica Lanyadoo. You...
Mariame Kaba joins Dean Spade for this episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Mariame and Dean talk about the dangers of putting leaders on pedestals in our movements, what to do when you or someone you know is getting canceled, how to relate to the concept of hope in this time, how norms about sex and romance influence resistance work, and letting go of certainty. Transcript available at https://deanspade.net/podcast Mariame is currently organizing a book drive to help keep Bluestockings coop...
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