Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

Defeat Perfectionism  and Discover the Art of Self-Acceptance Part 1 of 2 This Is for Everyone--Shrinks AND the General Public! On Wednesday, July 9, 2025, Dr. Jill Levitt and I did a FREE, two-hour webinar on one of the most common causes of stress and feelings of inadequacy--perfectionism. More than 2200 individuals registered, reflecting the widespread interest in this topic. Although perfectionism causes lots of suffering, it's not easy to get rid of this mindset because it can promise and sometimes deliver tremendous benefits, too! Rhonda and I will be presenting this webinar on the podcast in two parts. This week, in Part 1 you'll learn About the many emotional consequences of perfectionism How to identify the perfectionistic beliefs that fuel anxiety, procrastination, and shame How and why these beliefs can trigger immense emotional pain How to use Positive Reframing and the Cost-Benefit Analysis to melt away your resistance to change. You can take a look at the workshop handout if you CLICK HERE! Next week, in Part 2, you'll learn many powerful methods to crush the distorted thoughts that trigger perfectionism, including Identify the Distortions Explain the Distortions The Externalization of Voices The Acceptance Paradox The Counter-Attack Technique The Feared Fantasy Technique Self-Disclosure Relapse Prevention Training And more! This live, practical training will equip you with powerful, research-backed techniques to help yourself and your clients transform perfectionism into peace, power, self-acceptance, and emotional freedom, all illustrated with dramatic video clips from an actual TEAM CBT session with a woman struggling mightily from brutal self-criticisms, self-doubt, and sleepless nights, due to the very perfectionism that has catapulted her into an incredible career. Thanks for listening today! Jill, David and Rhonda

TEAM for Troubled Couples A New Twist! Today we are joined by a favorite guest, the brilliant Thai-An Truong. Thai-An is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Alcohol and Drug Counselor (LADC). She is the first Certified TEAM-CBT Therapist and Trainer in Oklahoma. She has found TEAM-CBT to be life-changing professionally and personally and is passionate about training other therapists in this "awesome approach." In her private practice, Thai-An specializes in the treatment of trauma and OCD. To learn more about her TEAM-CBT Trainings, visit www.teamcbttraining.com Thai-An has been featured on many Feeling Good Podcasts focusing on Depression and social anxiety (Live demonstration, 187) Postpartum Depression and Anxiety ( 218) How to Get Laid (Ep. 264) OCD ( 283) Grief (Ep 344) Now Thai-An adds an important dimension to the TEAM Interpersonal Model—working with trouble couples, as opposed to working with individuals with troubled relationships. She also describes a new way to use Positive Reframing to reduce patient resistance to giving up David's famous list of "Common Communication Errors," and she adds five new errors to the list. At the start of the podcast, Thai-An described a woman who complained that her husband often "shuts down" when they are communicating about a sensitive topic, and she wondered why. Thai-An decided to invite him to join the session so his wife could find out why. This really opened things up, and the wife discovered that her husband shut down because he was feeling inadequate when she pointed out all the things that were wrong with the house, and he was taking her comments as criticism. However, the more he shut down, the more she complained, and this pushed him away even further since her criticisms intensified his feelings of inadequacy. Thai-An then used Positive Reframing to help her see why he shut down. One of Thai-An's new ideas was to use Positive Reframing to cast our list of "errors" on the "Bad Communication Checklist" in a positive light, just as we do with the negative thoughts and feelings of people who are using the Daily Mood Log. By siding with the patient's resistance and listing all the good reasons NOT to change, nearly all patients paradoxically let down their guard and powerful urges to oppose change. Instead, they open up and become receptive to the many methods for challenging distorted thoughts. Thai-An has observed the same phenomena with troubled couples. When they see the GOOD reasons to why they or their partners use dysfunctional ways of communicating, they paradoxically let down their guard and become more willing to use the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. She says: Positive reframing started to open them up to each other, and helped them see each other in a more positive light. At the same time, they discovered that they shared the same values. Voicing the good reasons to maintain the communication errors as well as the cost of change (e.g., it'll be hard work, I'll have to focus on changing myself, it'll be vulnerable) allowed each partner to melt away their resistance to change. David comment: This is an excellent example of a "double paradox." Once again, instead of trying to "help," which often triggers intense resistance, the therapist sides with the resistance, and this paradoxically triggers strong motivation to change! Thai-An reminded us that it's important to go through the TEAM structure before moving forward with tools to help the couple change. For testing, she asks both partners to complete the version of David's Brief Mood Survey that includes the Relationship Satisfaction Scale, and asks both to complete the Evaluation of Therapy Session at the end. She makes sure both partners rate her empathy toward them at 20/20 (perfect scores) before proceeding to the next steps. During the Assessment of Resistance, she begins to work with David's Relationship Journal to get a specific moment in time of conflict. Then when they do Steps 3 and 4, where they identify their own communication errors and their impact on their partners, she does positive reframing of the bad communication errors, which you can see here, along with five new errors that Thai-An has listed below.   The Bad Communication Checklist* Instructions. Review what you wrote down in Step 2 of the Relationship Journal. How many of the following communication errors can you spot? Communication Error (ü) Communication Error (ü) 1.      Truth – You insist you're "right" and the other person is "wrong."   10.   Diversion – You change the subject or list past grievances.   2.      Blame – You imply the problem is the other person's fault.   11.   Self-Blame – You act as if you're awful and terrible.   3.      Defensiveness – You argue and refuse to admit any imperfection.   12.   Hopelessness – You claim you've tried everything and nothing works.   4.      Martyrdom – You imply that you're an innocent victim.   13.   Demandingness – You complain when people aren't as you expect.   5.      Put-Down – You imply that the other person is a loser.   14.   Denial – You imply that you don't feel angry, sad or upset when you do.   6.      Labeling – You call the other person "a jerk," "a loser," or worse.   15.   Helping – Instead of listening, you give advice or "help."   7.      Sarcasm – Your tone of voice is belittling or patronizing.   16.   Problem Solving – You try to solve the problem and ignore feelings.   8.      Counterattack – You respond to criticism with criticism.   17.   Mind-Reading – You expect others to know how you feel without telling them.   9.      Scapegoating – You imply the other person is defective or has a problem.   18.   Passive-Aggression – You say nothing, pout or slam doors.     * Copyright ã 1991 by David D. Burns, MD. Revised 2001.   Thai-An Truong's 5 Additional Communication Errors: Shut down—You shut down and ignore the other person or give them the silent treatment. Avoidance—You hide your feelings and avoid talking about hard topics, or disconnect through some form of escape. Rejection—You make threats to leave – "I'm done with you," or "I can't deal with this anymore," or "I want a divorce." Control—You insist that the other person "needs" to behave or communicate differently, or "should" or "shouldn't" behave the way they do. Invalidation—You tell the other person they shouldn't feel the way they feel. Here's how Thai-An did the Positive Reframing with this couple. First she asked the wife, "Why might your partner suddenly want to "shut down" and stop communicating during a conflicted exchange?" She also asked, "What does this do for the person who is shutting down?" This is the list of positives they came up with. Shutting down . . . Keeps me safe and protects me from more criticism Protects my partner from hurtful comments I might make. Shows that I value our marriage and my partner's feelings. Shows my love for my partner, and for myself. It shows that I'm feeling hurt and want to be appreciated. Guarantees that I won't make things worse. Shows that I want to protect myself from becoming overly vulnerable and getting invalidated again. Shutting down feels less risky than sharing my feelings. Once she saw why he shut down, she realized the negative impact of her complaints, and began to provide more genuine words of appreciation to him. He said that this meant so much to him and made all the hard work worth it. Her common communication errors included "truth" and "making complaints." He realized, again through positive reframing, that she also wanted validation, that raising children can be hard, and that she ALSO wanted appreciation for how well she was keeping up with the home and the care of their children. So, when she wasn't getting validation and appreciation from him, she was even more likely to complain to try to voice her perspective. Once he was able to stop shutting down, and instead began to make more disarming statements, use feeling empathy, and stroking, she was much less likely to complain. They also realized they had the same values of wanting healthier communication and to provide a safe and happy home for their children. Was this effective? Both went from 10/30 and 11/30 on the relationship satisfaction scale (shockingly poor scores) to 26/30 by the end of the relationship work together (extremely high scores indicating outstanding scores on my Relationship Satisfaction Scale.) Thai-An provided us with a cool Positive Reframing document for all of the communication errors. You can check it out if you CLICK HERE. I (David) pointed out that Positive Reframing can also be used in conjunction with the Relationship Journal in another way. In step one of the RJ, you write down one thing the other person said, and you circle all the many feelings they were probably having, like hurt, alone, anxious, angry, sad, unloved, and many more. In step two you write down exactly what you said next, and circle all the feelings you were having. This would be an ideal time to do Positive Reframing of your partner's negative feelings, so as to shift you perception that the other person is "bad" or "to blame" or some negative interpretations that you may be making. This reframing might be helpful in the same sense that my technique, Forced Empathy, can sometimes cause a radical shift in how you see the person you're at odds with. Announcements On January 4, 2024, Thai-An Truong will be offering a 14-week training program in TEAM couples therapy for mental health professionals. The class will meet weekly from 11:30 to 1:30 East Coast time. To learn more, please go to Courses.teamcbttraining.com/relationships There will be a 4-day TEAM-CBT Intensive November 6-9, 2023, in Mexico City, at the Hotel Camino Real.  To learn more, please go to:  https://teamcbt.mx/welcome Thanks for listening today! Let us know what you thought about our show! Thai-An, Rhonda, and David

Menopause-- The End? . . . or the Beginning? Rhonda starts today's podcast, as usual, with a warm endorsement from Sally, a podcast fan who really liked Podcast 355 on the topic of "Relationship Problems: Be Gone!" She said the role-play demonstrations were "incredible" and especially helpful. We'll keep that in mind and see if we can do some more role-playing demonstrations in future podcasts, along with instructions so you can practice at home, as well. This can be extremely helpful if you want to master the techniques we describe. They may sound simple, but they're not! In our recent podcast on free practice groups (put LINK), you can find many virtual practice groups you can join from home to practice many of the techniques in TEAM-CBT with like-minded colleagues and become part of the growing TEAM-CBT community. We now have many excellent and free practice groups for the general public as well as and training groups for shrinks. Today, Mina returns to the show with a new problem—pre-menopausal symptoms that are scaring her and casting a shadow on her future as well as her marriage with her husband, Maurice. Menopause is a topic that freaks many people out, due to feelings of anxiety and shame which can sometimes be intense. Today, menopause will be out in the open and front and center. However, Meina is confused because so many problems and feelings are swirling around in her head, and she doesn't quite know where to start. At the start of the session, Mina's Brief Mood Survey indicated mild depression, severe anxiety, moderate to severe anger, and greatly diminished feelings of happiness and relationship satisfaction, thinking of her husband, Maurice.f If you review Mina's Daily Mood Log. you can see that the Upsetting Event is irregular periods due to menopause. You can also see that Mina is struggling with fairly feelings of depression, anxiety, shame, inadequacy, loneliness, embarrassment, hopelessness, frustration and anger, and she's giving herself some intensely negative messages, like "My body is falling apart," and "My husband will leave me," and "I'll get osteoporosis and die in pain like my grandmother," and more. During the initial Empathy phase of the session, Mina described quite a lot of personal and professional concerns, as well as somatic complaints of various kinds. Sometimes, in the past, Mina has developed numerous somatic complaints that terrify her, because she has interpreted them as possible serious diseases, like multiple sclerosis. However, excellent physical evaluations rarely or never provide any medical evidence or explanation for her symptoms. This pattern of obsessing about somatic symptoms is actually quite common. Many general practice doctors report that as many as a third of their patients complaining of pain, dizziness, and so forth do not have any medical disease that could possibly explain the symptoms. In fact, in his classic book, Caring for Patients, the late Dr. Allen Barbour from Stanford reported that about half of these types of patients experience a disappearance of their somatic symptoms when they identify some conflict or problem that they've been avoiding, and then take steps to express their feelings or solve the repressed problem. Pretty much every time, this has been true of Mina, too. It often turns out that she is upset about something she is sweeping under the rug, and the Hidden Emotion Technique has proved extremely helpful in pinpointing the hidden feeling or conflict. Then, as soon as she acts on this information, and expresses her feelings, the somatic problems immediately disappear. So, our first task in today's session was to see if the same thing was happening. It turned out that she was quite upset with her husband, Maurice, so we did a Relationship Journal to see if we could get a better understanding of what was going on. Her complaint was that Maurice did not want to talk about "difficult feelings." Instead, he suggests they go for a nature walk or watch a movie. So, she felt sad, anxious, rejected, hurt, frustrated, and alone. But, as is the case nearly 100% of the time, when we examined a brief interaction between them—what did he say and what did she say next—it became clear that she was actually pushing him away and putting him down. This was understandably painful for Mina to see, and a bit embarrassing, but she was super brave, and saw how she could use the Five Secrets to respond to Maurice in a radically different and more inviting manner. As an aside, the person who seeks treatment for a relationship problem will nearly always discover that they have actually be causing the very problem they're complaining about. If Mina's husband had come to us for help, he would have made the exact same shocking discovery—that HE was causing the problem he was complaining about. I call this strange but fascinating phenomenon the "theory of interpersonal relativity." Mina feared abandonment, but discovered that her real problem was that she was rejecting her husband, and forcing him to reject her! Although this type of sudden insight can be tremendously painful, it is also liberating at the same time. That's because people discover that they have far more power than they thought. Mina felt helpless, but was actually pulling the strings. Once you "see" this, you have the option of moving in a radically new and more rewarding direction. Mina promised to send a follow up once she's had the chance to try a new approach during her interactions with Maurice. We have our fingers crossed! In addition, we worked with Mina's negative thoughts and feelings on her Daily Mood Log, starting with Positive Reframing, which she found helpful. What did her negative thoughts and feelings show about her that was positive and awesome, and how were they helping her? Then we did several rounds of Externalization of Voices and she was quickly able to knock her negative thoughts out of the park, with incredible results that you can see if you examine the emotions goal and outcome columns on her emotions table HERE. As you can see, there was an immediate and dramatic reduction in all of her negative feelings. We publish these TEAM-CBT sessions because we believe that the vast majority of mental health professionals do not know how to trigger rapid and extreme changes in how people think, feel, and interact with others. It is our hope that these podcast live therapy sessions, in conjunction with our weekly training groups, will make mental health professionals aware of what's now possible, and how TEAM-CBT actually works. We try to make it look simple, but it requires tremendous training, practice, and commitment. Rhonda and I have strong, tender feelings toward our dear colleague, Mina, and we are deeply indebted to her for making herself vulnerable in a public forum so that we can all learn and feel much closer to one another. Personal work is one of our finest teaching tools. In addition, feelings of respect, love, and connection are so often missing in our embattled and hostile political and world environment these days. We cannot change the world, but we can definitely make our own small ripples in the pond, and work on changing ourselves. If you'd like, you can take a look at Mina's Brief Mood Survey and Evaluation of Therapy Session at the end of the session.  Thanks so much for listening today! Rhonda, Mina, and David

Ask David: Featuring Matt May, MD 1. Nick asks: "What if you want a positive relationship with someone who does not want the same thing?" 2. Debbie asks: Hi David, I can't stop ruminating and obsessing about weird states of minds or when I was afraid of harming someone or remembering. Everyone says to let go but why do I hang on. Where in your book can you help me? 3. Dean asks: I'm having trouble sleeping. What should I do? 4. Kathy asks a question about social anxiety / panic and the hidden emotion technique. Note: The answers below were generated prior to the podcast, and the information provided on the live podcast may be richer and different in a number of ways. 1. Nick asks many general relationship problems that all need specific examples. Dear David, Thank you for all the amazing work you do. Your books and podcasts have helped me to understand and start to transform a lot of negative and unwanted frames that I carry around. I'm also working with a Level 3 therapist who I found through the Feeling Good Institute. One area I'm working on is building my empathy skills using the Five Secrets model. I see how powerful it is in situations where both people are open to a positive relationship. But I struggle with the idea that each of us creates our own interpersonal reality, and can always create a positive outcome regardless of the other person. Can you help me understand how to apply the technique to some challenging situations? - What happens if you want a positive relationship with the other person, but they fundamentally do not? I find that this situation leads the other person to react to the Five Secrets with anger or indifference. Or they view you as weak for exposing your emotions and vulnerability, and try to exploit them for advantage over you. Is it even worth trying to have a positive relationship with such a person? David's reply I try not to impose on people who do not want a positive relationship with me. You could also provide a specific example, as I always insist on having! These vague questions to my ear are kind of useless. Matt's reply David, you've said that the cause of all relationship problems is Blame.  I agree with this and sense that Nick's question is driving at that point, as well.  If someone doesn't want to participate in our definition of a 'positive' relationship, the approach that is most in line with the 5-Secrets and Empathy is to let go and stop demanding the other person change.  That's the cause of the problem:  trying to force people to do things, our way, regardless of what they want.  This will cause them to resist and will damage the relationship. David, you have also talked about the opposite mindset of blame, where we can wield 5-Secrets honestly and effectively, the concept of 'Open Hands'.  When we have the attitude of 'Open Hands', we can welcome other people and receive them or gracefully let go. This mental state avoids conflict and the 'blame game' in a healthy, non-avoidant way. For example, if someone says, "I don't want to have a relationship with you".  We might reply, using the 5-Secrets, 'You're right, I've been disrespectful and inappropriately pushing you too hard in the direction of having a relationship with me.  I appreciate your letting me know, clearly, that this isn't something you want.  While I can imagine you might be angry with me, I'm sure you don't want to talk about that, but prefer, instead, to end the relationship as quickly as possible.  I'm feeling awkward and would like to get out of your hair as soon as possible, too.  What can I do to facilitate ending this relationship in a way you would be satisfied with?" To put it another way, while you can maximize your chances of having a positive interpersonal experience with someone, using these communication skills, the 5-Secrets, they are not 'mind control' and trying to use them that way will only make matters worse, hence the importance of the internal mindset of 'open hands', accepting others' preferences and being willing to let go, perhaps grieve, refocus our attention elsewhere, if that's not what they want.  Otherwise, we are in the 'chasing' and 'blaming' role, which is doomed to fail, as has been discussed on previous podcasts. It may also be useful to consider whether it's actually possible to 'not have a relationship' with someone.  My sense is that there is, in fact, a relationship, even between total strangers and between people who have decided, mutually, to end their relationship.  We could point out how those two types of relationships might differ, say, if you were to bump into each other in a grocery store.  In the latter example, you might be expected to try a bit harder to avoid contact, with an agreed-upon, 'ex' than you would, with a stranger.  There are rules and expectations and ways in which both people think about the other person and define their 'relationship', even if you are saying that it has 'ended'.  The conflict comes when we don't have the same agenda and don't agree on the terms and rules of the relationship. There are many other related topics, including the 'gentle ultimatum', 'interpersonal decision making' and 'blame CBA' which could be useful for Nick. Nick continues - What if you believe the other person does have a fundamental desire for a good relationship, but they are so attached to their anger, fear or depression that their only reaction is hostility and defense? Perhaps such a person can't or won't admit to their emotions, and rejects the empathy. Should you keep trying, and at what point if any should you give up? David's reply Need a specific example! I may have mentioned that! Matt's reply:  A specific example sure would help!  The problem seems related to the 'blame game' which we just talked about.  We are demanding the other person change, and stop being so hostile and defensive.  Instead, consider using Interpersonal Decision Making and look at the three options that are available, in any relationship.  If you decide to take responsibility for the relationship, try the Relationship Journal, so you can see through the blame that is causing the problem.  You could also use positive reframing to admire their hostility, defensiveness, anger, fear and depression. Nick continues: Perhaps there are mistaken or lying about the facts, and unwilling to admit it. Or you disbelieve what they say because it doesn't match their actions or is calculated to deflect blame. For example, you may have a conflict over who cleans the house. The objective fact is that you do this 80% of the time and have done it the last 5 times in a row, while the other person has consistently left garbage lying around. Yet the other person says "I feel like you never do housework and I am always the one cleaning, and I'm sick of it". How can you find truth in such a statement? David's reply Work this out on a Relationship Journals. Write down what you said next, and follow th steps clearly spelled out in Feeling Good Together. Or, I could send you one. Matt's Reply Disarming is really challenging because it requires us to let go of our version of the 'truth', at least temporarily, in order to see the other person's truth.  People often don't want to do that, even for a moment!  Furthermore, if the other person is angry, they are likely to distort the truth in their statements, for effect, to be more persuasive.  The problem with this, is that it will call our attention to the lies they are telling, tempting us away from seeing their truth.  Without knowing more about the situation, I could only guess at what their 'truth' is.  Here are some possibilities, though:  Is it possible that they have some reasonable expectation for us to do more of the cleanup than them?  Are they offering something else in the relationship that offsets their lack of cleaning?  Do they do the majority of the cooking?  Do they do the shopping?  Do they pay more of the bills?  Also, were they the last one to do the cleaning?  When they clean, do they spend more time on it or do a more thorough job?  When they clean, do they clean up their things as well as yours?  Do you do that?  You stated that they leave their 'garbage lying around'.  Is that how they see it?  Is it possible that they put their things precisely where they wanted them to be and didn't want you 'tidying up'? The point is that disarming requires seeing the bigger picture, not just the one data point that best supports your blaming them.  Try to see past this and, if you can't, considering Interpersonal Decision making and the Blame CBA, where you would write down the good reasons to blame the other person and insist that your version of the truth is complete and correct and that theirs is wrong and bad. Nick carries on - What should you do in situations where you both have attachments to other incompatible goals? In Lee's case on episodes 96-98 of your podcast and Chapter 27 of Feeling Great, both Less and his wife had the same fundamental values with regard to raising their daughter. So once he applied the Five Secrets, they were able to move past their ego defenses and share the same perspective. But what if there is a zero-sum situation where both of you have different core values? For example, choosing a grade school for your child. One parent sincerely believes in their core values that their child will benefit from attending a rigorous school where they will be challenged and grow. The other parent sincerely believes in their core values that children should be in a relaxed environment where they can play as much as possible. Can the Five Secrets help with this type of conflict? David's reply Read the chapter in Feeling Good Together on the idea that the attempt to solve the problem IS the problem, and the refusal to solve it is the solution. I think you've got some work to do! Now we'll see if you do it! Matt's Response In this case, you could agree to disagree and let a professional decide what would be best for your

Helping a Loved One with Schizophrenia Treating OCD! My Hands Might Be Contaminated! How To Mend an Angry, Broken Heart The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the podcast for a more in-depth discussion of each question. Here are the questions for today's podcast. Joel asks: How can we use TEAM CBT to help a patient or loved one struggling with schizophrenia? Jean asks: Since CBT won't work with OCD, should we use exposure or the Hidden Emotion Technique instead? Jim asks: When someone has objectively hurt you, like your partner has had an affair, how do you get over that pain?  And here are the answers. Question #1  Dear Dr Burns, I learned from you that the foundational principle of CBT is that our emotions, and ultimately our behaviors, are rooted in thoughts or beliefs. Are there emotional and/or behavioral disorders (perhaps like schizophrenia) that are rooted in abnormal neurobiological brain pathologies, rather than in distorted cognitions or self-defeating beliefs? And if so, is TEAM CBT relevant to helping those suffering from these "psychoses"?  With much gratitude, respect, and affection, Joel Question #2 Dear Dr. Burns: I'm curious if you have thoughts about the problem of talking back to the obsessive thoughts in OCD.  Thank you, Jean Question #3 Dear Dr. Burns: When someone has objectively hurt you, like your partner has had an affair, how do you get over that pain?  I am not having thoughts that I did anything wrong, or there is something the matter with me, I feel sad, hurt and confused and angry. Jim Thanks for listening today! Matt, Rhonda, and David

Live Work with Madeleine I'm Helpless! Part 3 of 3 Today, we are pleased to present the live and unedited follow-up session with Madeleine, a loving mother who became terrified when she realized that her oldest beloved daughter might be in mortal danger during her hear abroad while in college.  Part 3 of 3 We were a bit rushed near the end of M = Methods in Part 2 because of a mistake that I (David) made. I forgot that we had extended this webinar by 30 minutes, so we wouldn't be rushed at the end, so I wrongly concluded we were running out of time when we weren't! In order to complete our work, we scheduled Part 3 several weeks later to do the following critical pieces of the work with Madeleine. Additional work with the Externalization of Voices to make sure she could knock all of her self-critical thoughts out of the park. Cognitive Flooding, using the magazine article she was triggered by to prompt the anxiety. The idea is to make yourself as anxious as possible for as long as possible, until the anxiety and panic eventually loses its punch and becomes boring. This will be one of the first times we have illustrated this technique live in a video-recorded session. Any other loose ends that may have emerged since our first session with the wonderful Madeleine! We did some cognitive flooding, urging Madeleine to close her eyes and describe her most terrifying fantasy involving her daughter's abduction by a sociopathy. We encourage her to make herself as anxious as possible, and within minutes she was at 100% and sobbing. Then we did some "memory" rescripting as we had promised her at the start, and part way through there was an unexpected surge of anger, that seemed to come from out of the blue, although the circumstances of the fantasy were clearly more than enough to trigger rage.  Using the technique called "Affect Bridging," I asker her whether the anger she was now feeling might trace back to some earlier traumatic event in her life, perhaps when she was young, and this was confirmed. She described a profoundly troubling indecent involve her mother and dad shortly before they got divorced.  There was a tremendous amount of emotion packed into today's follow-up session, almost non-stop, in fact. We look forward to seeing Madeleine's end-of-session Brief Mood Survey and Evaluation of Therapy Session. Jill and David assigned follow-up homework for her, including 15 minutes per day reading the terrifying article from People Magazine that had initially triggered her in the beauty salon.  We want to thank you, Madeleine for your courage in being so open and real, and for giving us all a unique opportunity for some incredible learning, and also the chance to get to know you at a deep a genuine level! Thanks for listening to these three podcasts. We hope you enjoyed them and learned something useful and helpful, especially if you've also been struggling with feelings of depression and anxiety, or if you're a mental health professional wanting to take a deeper dive in to how TEAM CBT can sometimes produce extremely rapid healing, even from severe feelings of depression, anxiety, and despair.  Madeleine, Jill, Rhonda, and David Following the session, Madeleine sent us the following feedback on the session via email: Hi Jill and David, Completed after session yesterday, but in my state of emotional fatigue, forgot to hit send! Brief Mood Survey after session: Depression: 3 / 20 (minimal) Suicidal urges: 0 / 12 (none) Anxiety: 8 / 20 (mildly elevated) Anger: 9 / 20 (mild/moderately elevated) Happiness: 12 / 20 (low) Relationship Satisfaction: 29 / 30 (nearly perfect) Evaluation of Therapy Session Empathy: 20 / 20 (perfect score) Helpfulness: 20 / 20 (perfect score) Satisfaction: 8 / 8 (perfect score)  Commitment: 8 /8 (perfect score) Neg feelings: 4 (high, range = 0- 4) Difficulties with Q: 2 (medium, range = 0- 4) What did you like the Least: exposure was pain. It feels very heavy and exhausting. And i understand, necessary to healing. What did you like the Most: David's "bridging" my affect states to discover my rage source. Jill's keeping us on track and making connection from my present worry about daughter's safety to past feelings of betrayal, losing trust, and resulting anger in my dad, a trusted figure. You both hit the nail on the head so many times in the session to uncover the deeper, ugly, messy, dark pools that lie within me i choose to keep safely sealed tight and out of the light. Postscript: I just completed day 1 of exposure in re reading the awful article. All the anxiety and fear resurfaced along with new feelings of revenge, determination, appreciation for the authors who are perhaps trying to help the family by publishing this. Ick. Best Regards, Madeleine  Again, a big thanks to you Madeleine, and we will watch closely as you continue your courageous daily exposure work, and look forward to the day when you have won this battle!  Warmly, david

Live Work with Madeleine I'm Helpless! Part 2 of 3 Today, we are pleased to present the exciting conclusion of our work with Madeleine, a loving mother who fears that her eldest daughter might be in mortal danger during her year abroad. Last week, you heard about the T = Testing and E = Empathy phase of the live work with Madeleine, a mother feeling intense panic and helplessness and inadequacy because she fears that her daughter could be in grave danger of abduction and worse. This week, we will focus on A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting, using the Miracle Cure Question, Magic Button, Positive Reframing, and Magic Dial to see if we can melt away her resistance to change. You can see the Emotions table of the Daily Mood Log Madeleine during the Magic Dial portion of the session if you Click Here As you can see, she wanted to reduce her negative feelings somewhat, but thought she still wanted to keep them fairly elevated, since she still sensed that her daughter might be in real danger, and clearly did not want to abandon her. This is one of the significant refinements in TEAM CBT. First, we want to bring the patient's resistance to full conscious awareness. Second, we want patients to full grasp that their negative thoughts and feelings do NOT result from some "defect" or "mental disorder," but rather from what is most beautiful and awesome about them as human beings. After the Magic Button, David and Jill went on to the final, M = Methods portion of the TEAM session, using tools such as Identify and Explain the Distortions, the Double Standard Technique, and the Externalization of Voices, with the Acceptance Paradox, the Self-Defense Paradigm, and the CAT (Counter-Attack Technique). We will, of course, do numerous role reversals to see if we can get Madeleine to a "huge" victory over her many distorted thoughts. You can see the Daily Mood Log Madeleine prepared at the end of the session if you Click Here As you can see, the reductions in negative feelings were dramatic, but in several areas (anxiety, inadequacy, frustration and anger), Madeleine's negative feelings were still minimally elevated. That is one of the reasons we decided to schedule an additional session together several weeks later to see if we could intensify Madeleine's responses to her negative thoughts, and hopefully due some Cognitive Flooding to complete her "treatment." At the end of these show notes, you will find an email from Madeleine after the session that includes her end-of-session scores on the BMS and EOTS. You will also see comments submitted by many participants who attended the webinar live. This email below from Madeleine following the session shows her end of session scores on the Brief Mood Survey as well as the Evaluation of Therapy Session at the end of her session with Jill and David. Hi David, Yes, here are my BMS & ETS score totals after the extended session. Please let me know if you have any questions. A relapse prevention session would be nice; however, I hesitate to accept your offer as you all are so busy. Please know that I am practicing the PTs and keeping the NTs in check for now. Thank you again a million times over😊. Yes, Feel free to use the recording however you like. Like I said, it's the least I can do to contribute to your generous and vitally important work. You are both very inspiring in so many ways. Much gratitude, Madeleine Brief Mood Survey (BMS) Depressed 0 / 20 (complete elimination of depression) Suicidal 0 / 12 Anxious 2 / 20 (near-complete elimination of anxiety) Angry 0 / 20 PF 36 / 40 (dramatic improvement in Positive Feelings) RS 29 / 30 (large improvement in Relationship Satisfaction) Evaluation of Therapy Session (ETS) Empathy 20 / 20 (perfect) Helpfulness 20 / 20 (perfect) Satisfaction 8 / 8 (perfect) Commitment 8 / 8 (perfect) Neg feelings 1 (0 – 4) (uncomfortable at times!) Difficulties w/ answering the questions honestly 0 (0 – 4) (no difficulties) What did you like the least? Crying and blathering in front of all those people. Fortunately, I wasn't able to see any faces except yours😉 What did you like the most? Jill's "smooth as silk" empathy skills, David's laser sharp questions, Jill's rephrasing & untangling of the PT to "unlikely," David's having me write powerful PR stuff down, Jill & David's EOV - so strong, David counterattacking my neg thoughts with "sociopath," Jill's double std delivered in a very gentle way. I never felt rushed! Feedback for Madeleine from the chat during the session Comments for Madeline: Madeline!!! I want you as a therapist. Your ability to show how to feel and describe the feel is courageous and admirable. Thank you. Thank you for sharing Madeline, I can completely relate with you as a mother when we worry and has no control on their actions Definitely relate to Madeleine and appreciate her vulnerability. Thank you for your transparency, Madeleine. We appreciate it and can empathize I totally relate. My children are 30 and 32, I parented in the 90"s;  i was trying to break the abuse cycle, so i missed nurturing their emotions and building their self esteem. My children give me so much grace and say how much they love watching me as a grandparent. I am so proud of the grandmother I am!!!! I am so grateful to be a part of their journey and blessed to have a second chance at creating that safe space for all of them. wow.  this event really open up the deeper pain in your life.  Feel honored that you are opening up to us. I'm so much appreciating Madeleine's being vulnerable and her sweetness and maternal care/nurturance and how David and Jill are working with her.  Helpful learning experience.  Thank you all. Thank you Madeline! It was brave and kind of you to share your story for today's demo!! Shows she is courageous n strong woman I am in awe over how Madeleine's resistance to looking at inadequacy actually brought out the most amazing positives and core values. Beautiful! I also just got the chills She is great mother She is caring person cares for others Madeleine is so incredibly courageous sharing her story here being so vulnerable too I appreciate how real this is and thank you all for the work you do for helping Madeleine through this and for providing  this very inspirational training :) As a mother and also deep empath, much of what she is sharing definitely resonates.  I hope she's able to continue working with her struggles and strengths to heal and feel better sooner than later 💗 Madeleine, it means so much to hear you. I was in trouble with an abusive boyfriend when I was college aged. I would have given anything to have my mother give me support at that time. I felt completely alone navigating the relationship and unable to get out. I needed an "adult in the room". Just hearing and seeing you right now is huge for me. Your daughters are lucky to have you! It's clear that you have their back and I'm sure they know it. I feel like you bring your whole heart to being a mother, truly beautiful and awesome! Thank you so much for volunteering today. Hi Madelyn, I'm also a mother like you. I am a sensitive person like you and worry about how evil the world is. I worry for my daughter's future. My daughter has a beautiful sensitive, innocent soul. The fact that we feel this way shows that we are kind emphatic people. The only way not to suffer about these issues is to be a sociopath, to be part of the satanic community that is responsible for the ugliness in the world. I don't want to be part of this evil community. It is our political systems responsibility to spread the stoic values that make just, reason/logic driven people, brave, kind and educated driven people. As for myself, I'm proud of who I am and find peace and comfort in studying stoicism. I believe that if we all learned about stoicism our world would be a much better place. And there's just as many Creeps and Sociopaths in your hometown as abroad. What's increasing her safety is knowing she has an open line of communication to her mom. That kind of girl is not such a target. Creeps are looking for girls without strong roots, without "backup". Girls with a a major insecurity to fill. Your type of parenting is exactly what's made her safer. Just to add to externalization of voices if we're allowed or supposed to! In case Madeline sees this chat, I feel compelled to share that I studied abroad in the spring semester 1998, in Jerusalem at Hebrew University.  I turned 21 that semester (as did my group of new friends).  Hands down it was the most formative and important experience of my life to build trust in myself, feeling able to navigate the unexpected, land somewhere totally new and make new friends and figure things out.  My worried mother heard all kinds of yucky things in the news that was happening there (things that I never saw).  We navigated our safety, traveled on weekends and breaks.  And since, I have regularly offered the recommendation, both solicited and unsolicited, about the incredible merits of studying abroad,  Of course, our mama-bear hearts will be called to protect our babies.  And, sounds like your girl is gritty and brave, open to new experiences, adventurous, and eager to experience life! Madeline's empathy and compassion and  counterattack stating "I taught her to see the Beauty in the world "is profound and amazing and reverberates for coaching and self empathy! Wonderful Madeline, David and Jill! Thank you Madeleine for being so vulnerable, honest, and open to aid our learning.  SO touching and relatable. M's standard for herself and parents is so very high and unattainable! She is doing way more than most by just caring this much.

Live Work with Madeleine I'm Helpless! Part 1 of 3 Today, we are pleased to present one of our favorite podcast topics—live work with a real human being who is suffering. We will be working with Madeleine, a woman who read a disturbing article while at the hairdresser and freaked out, sensing that one of her daughters might be in mortal danger. This live and unedited session was first presented as part of a free webinar on September 11, 2025. There was no preparation or role-playing—everything was absolutely real and spontaneous, exactly as it evolved in real time. We present Part 1 as our final Feeling Good Podcast for our 2025 season. This is our most powerful and popular type of podcast, and we hope you enjoy it. We also give a big thanks to our courageous "patient," Madeleine. My co-therapist will be Dr. Jill Levitt, a clinical psychologist and Director of Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. Jill and I greatly enjoy working together as co-therapists when we teach and we typically see our "patient" for an extended, two-hour session. We find that this is the most effective format for teaching, and that way, we can frequently complete a course of therapy in a single session. However, you do not need more than one therapist to do effective TEAM CBT, and you can do it in conventional 50 minute sessions as well. But often, you can do vastly more in a double session. We will not be engaged in an ongoing therapeutic relationship with Madeleine. When we work with therapists, they are doing personal work as a part of their training. We feel that this experience is vital for every therapist who hopes to do world-class TEAM CBT with their own patients / clients. More than 2,000 individuals registered for this workshop. Although the workshop was open to everyone, only 13% of the participants identified as general public, while 87% identified as mental health professionals.  In Part 1, which we present today, we focused on T = Testing and E = Empathy phases of the TEAM session. In Part 2, which you will hear next week, we will focus on A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting and M = Methods. We will also show you the changes in her scores on the Daily Mood Log (DML) and Brief Mood Survey (BMS) from the start to the end of the session, as well as Madeleine's scores on the Evaluation of Therapy Session (EOTS) at the end, including what she liked the most and least about the session. That way, we can see clearly how much improvement there was (or wasn't) during the session, and how Jill and I did in terms of empathy, helpfulness, and other scales that evaluate the patient's view of the session. In Part 3, which you will hear in two weeks, we did more Externalization of Voices along with Cognitive Exposure, since we had some loose ends we wanted to tie up before completing our work with Madeleine. This follow-up session occurred many weeks after the initial session at the workshop, and will also serve as a follow-up to see how Madeleine did in the days following the live work. Part 1 of 3 Our "patient," Madeleine, is a courageous woman who experienced sheer panic after being triggered at the hair salon while reading an article about a young woman who was abducted. Since Madeleine's oldest daughter's is away at college, taking a year abroad, Madeleine realized she could not protect her from predators and freaked out, thinking about all the horrible things that could happen to her. In addition, Madeleine had many self-critical thoughts about ways she thought she had failed her daughter when her daughter was growing up, and worried about her daughter's judgement: She hasn't always made the best decisions about guys she's gone out with, and she's shared everything with me. She says, 'Don't worry mom. I've learned from this.'" At the start of the session, we reviewed Madeleine's scores on the Brief Mood Survey (BMS). This indicated only minimal depression (5/20), with no suicidal urges or anger, but her anxiety was still extremely elevated (18/20). In addition, her Positive Feelings score was only 20 out of 40, with 0 meaning no positive feelings at all, and 40 being the highest possible feelings. However, her Relationship Satisfaction score with her husband was 25 out of 30, which indicates strong satisfaction, with just a little room for improvement. We will ask Madeleine to complete the BMS again, along with the EOTS, so we can see precisely what changed, and by how much, during the session. Our goal, of course, with TEAM CBT, is nearly always to cause a near-complete, or complete, elimination of symptoms during a single, extended therapy session. In addition, we want every patient to have a crystal clear understanding of how and why they got upset, along with how to use the tools that were the most helpful to them in the session. That way, they'll be armed to deal with future relapses, which are inevitable for all human beings. And here's the big point. Our goal in sharing this session with you is so you can feel inspired, and see that rapid recovery really IS possible. And if you're a therapist, we hope that you will feel motivated to learn TEAM CBT so you can significantly improve your outcomes with your own patients. You can see the Daily Mood Log Madeleine prepared just prior to the session if you Click Here The upsetting situation was reading the article about the young abducted woman in the hair salon. On the Emotions table  she indicated that she was feeling sad, down, and unhappy (85%), anxious, frightened and panicky (100%), inadequate (100%), frustrated (90%), and angry and upset (100%). These extremely high ratings tells us that Madeleine's negative feelings were about as intense as a human being can experience. Although your life is undoubtedly very different from Madeleine's, perhaps you, too, have felt panic and helplessness when you thought the life of a loved one might be in danger. Madeleine generated several additional negative Thoughts during the empathy phase of the session, including, I'm totally responsible for how she's turned out. 95% I was not present enough for her. 95% She may not trust that I'm there for her. 60% She's anxious and insecure and a people-pleasure, and she's also perfectionistic, and it's all my fault. 75% I should have been more sensitive when she was growing up. I expected too much. 100% Again, if you're a parent, you may have had similar negative thoughts about your own parenting. I know that I have! During the Empathy phase, Madeleine described her horrors when reading the article at the hairdresser's, with thoughts of Natalie Hollaway's brutal murder as well as other women who were abducted and murdered. Madeleine explained that she and her husband both married late, and felt somewhat insecure as parents: "It wasn't easy having children late in life. . . .  When our first baby was born, the milk was not coming down. My daughter would look deep into my eyes, and I had the thought, 'I'm letting my daughter down.'" She said she had a rough time when she was growing up and her parents got divorced: "My heart was broken, and I had to learn to be strong. I had to learn not to let so much emotion through. I had to learn how to keep guys at arm's length. I had to protect myself from getting hurt." She said that wanted her daughters to grow up being strong and independent, but as she reflects back, she thinks she may have failed them and not provided enough warmth and support. Our goal during E = Empathy is not to help or even try change anything, but simply to go with our patients to the gates of hell, so they can vent, cry, and express their deepest and most private feelings. At the end of the Empathy portion of the session, we asked Madeleine to grade us on the three key elements of empathy, using letter grades: How accurately did we understand how you were thinking? How accurately did we understand how you were feeling inside? To what extent did we convey the spirit of trust, warmth, and acceptance? She gave us 3 A's, indicating it was time to move on to A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting, which you will hear next week. We will want to find out what Madeleine might want help with. We will also try to melt away her resistance to change using the Miracle Cure Question, the Magic Button, Positive Reframing, and the Magic Dial.    Why would we anticipate resistance? After all, Madeleine is asking for help. But remember, the desire for change cannot always be take for granted in anyone. Nearly all of us have mixed feelings about change. After all, a loving and concerned mother might NOT want to stop worrying about a beloved daughter who seems to be in grave danger! But if you deal with this resistance in a compassionate way, you may open the door to the possibility of rapid healing when you come to the M = Methods portion of the session. We can check it out at the exciting conclusion of the work with Madeleine next week!

Past Projection vs. Memory Rescripting Why Can't I Lose Weight? Do Demons Cause Negative Thoughts! Featuring Our Beloved Dr. Matthew May The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the podcast for a more in-depth discussion of each question. Here are the questions for today's podcast. Rhonda asks: What's the difference between Past Projection and Memory Rescripting? Slash asks: How do I overcome my resistance to losing weight? Constantina asks: Do negative thoughts come from demons?   And here are the answers! Rhonda asks: What's the difference between Past Projection and Memory Rescripting? I would love to learn more about Memory Rescripting, since I really don't see much difference between that and Past Projection, but maybe I am just dense.  So if we could talk about that on the next Ask David, that would be great. Thanks, Rhonda David's reply I use the term, Time Travel, and you can project yourself into the future or the past, hence Future or Past Projection. If you want a patient to travel into the past, there are a great many things you can do that might be helpful. You can do "Forgiveness Training," developed by Jaimie Galindo. Essentially, the patient talks to someone, like a parent, who abused them in some way, telling the parent how hurt they felt, and how they needed the parent's love. Or you can do Cognitive Flooding, simply "watching" some traumatic event to experience the anxiety until it wears out and loses its power to upset you. And there are many more techniques you can use to explore past experiences with a patient. Memory Rescripting is like Cognitive Flooding—you have the patient close their eyes and vividly re-experience something traumatic, like the babysitter abusing them. Then, at the height of the feelings of anxiety, anger, and helplessness, you can tell the patient that they can be like a movie director, and change the scene so there is a different outcome. For example, the patient may want to enter the scene as a powerful adult and punish the perpetrator. This is not some standard procedure, as every patient will be completely different. Often, they will want to do something violent to the perpetrator, so this procedure can be anxiety provoking for the therapist! I have only used it on a couple occasions, but had good results with it both times. I am not a strong believer that patients "must" go into the past to "work through" a prior traumatic experience, so I don't have that much need for it. But it is a good technique to have in your toolbox.   Slash asks: How do I overcome my resistance to losing weight? Dear Dr. Burns, I recently listened to your podcast episode on Habits and Addictions, and it really resonated with me. I've been going to the gym regularly, but I'm struggling with my eating habits — I tend to eat too much, and my weight hasn't been decreasing. What I've realized is that I may be experiencing what you describe as outcome resistance. A part of me feels that if I lose weight and become thin and attractive, I might still not take action in areas like dating — so then I ask myself, "Why should I even bother with weight reduction?" I'm finding it difficult to overcome this resistance, even though I want to be healthier. Could you please share some guidance or strategies to work through this kind of resistance? Thank you for all the wonderful work you do. Your podcasts have been truly insightful and helpful. Warm regards, Slash   David's reply Thanks, and we will discuss this important question on the podcast. However, in the meantime, if you can search for Triple Paradox you may find your answer. Also, you can download two free unpublished changers on habits and addictions from any page on feeling good.com, and use the Decision -Making, Tool. That, too, will give you the answer! Warmly, david   Constantina asks: Do negative thoughts come from demons? David and Rhonda, Hello. I am doing some research into "spiritual" causes of depression. I realize that you are both scientists (and BRILLIANT ones), but if you have any sources I could review, I would appreciate suggestions.  It might also make for an interesting Halloween season podcast. Do "demons" cause automatic negative thoughts. And if not demons, what actually causes them?  Please don't dismiss this as "crazy". I am a very religious person and at times I have sincerely asked the question...are depression and anxiety ...at least in part, spiritual maladies.  I have found tremendous help in Feeling Good, but also in prayer and religious practices. I want to research what has been done in terms of crossover studies/experiments (if any).  Marianne   David's reply Thank you. The spiritual underpinnings are not so much something to be researched, but can add a deeper dimension of meaning and understanding to the healing. Current thinking is that Self-Defeating Beliefs, not demons, trigger the negative thoughts. I have written about all of this extensively, so I won't try to say it all again here. But we can exchange some ideas on the podcast. Thanks! d Thanks for listening today! Matt, Rhonda, and David

Am I Helping People Who Are Suicidal? Should I Worry about My Daughter's Anxiety? Disarming Yourself The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the podcast for a more in-depth discussion of each question. Here are the questions for today's podcast. George asks: Would my approach help someone who is suicidal? No Name asks: Do I need to worry about my daughter's anxiety? Jeffrey asks: Can you disarm yourself?   George asks: Would my approach help someone who is suicidal? Dear David, Please tell me if this is too close to medical or other protected advice, but I had a question about something I tell people who are sometimes struggling with suicidal ideation. Throughout my life, I have had the thought "I don't want to be alive anymore" more times than I can count. But what I have come to realize over time is that this is just something my brain says when I'm upset; it doesn't really mean anything other than that. It's just a reaction to being very upset and that reframing helps me feel better about it, knowing that it's not a conviction but rather just how my brain expresses negative distress. Multiple people have found this helpful, but I wonder if telling certain people this would be dismissive/triggering/etc. In a dangerous way? Do you think I should stop sharing this experience? George David's reply: Hi George, Thanks for asking. I will make this an Ask David question, if okay with you, using your first name or some other name if you prefer. Short answer: to me, this is like giving advice, to my way of thinking, and I have spent the last 40 – 50 years indicating that this is NOT an approach that's ever worked for me. Can say more on the podcast. Thanks! Warmly, david   No Name asks: Do I need to worry about my daughter's anxiety? Dear Dr. Burns, I am not very skilled at expressing how much you, Rhonda, the others and your work mean to me. So, I will just ask a question. My daughter, who has a lot of anxiety issues told me that when she has a problem, she will purposely stew over it when trying to fall asleep so that she will wake up with an answer to the problem the next morning. I cringed. Is there any way that this is a safe or helpful paradoxical technique? No name David's reply Thanks, I'll copy Rhonda. We are both grateful for your loving comments! Rhonda, we can make this an ask David if you like for a podcast. But short answer, at least, in my opinion, is that this is a cool way to use your brain. It is a skill. For example, I often get confused by a difficult statistics problem when analyzing data, and go to sleep confused. Nearly all the time, my brain wakes me up in the middle of the night with a brilliant answer. So, if she perceived is in a positive way, and isn't disturbed, you could try nourishing it, as opposed to worrying about it! We'll see what Rhonda thinks. Rhonda, I'll add this great brief question to our list for Tuesday. I am reluctant to postpone the Ask David as when we've done this in the past, we've ended up never answer at least 20 to 30 questions which are now too old to put on a podcast. Those who asked may no longer even be alive it's been so long! Warmly, david Rhonda's reply Thank you for this lovely feedback. It really means a lot to us. Your daughter is going through something so many of us experience. I am excited we can respond to your question on an Ask David podcast. Warmly, Rhonda Jeffrey asks: Can you disarm yourself? Subject: Question about using disarming technique on oneself, and also it being used against you. Endless gratitude to all of you for the pipeline of clarity and hope. I was wondering if one can use disarming on oneself. Much of the focus in feeling good seems focused on looking for and challenging our distortions, which seems the opposite of disarming. Maybe the reversal of agendas emphasized in feeling great is essentially putting the disarming back into the process in regards to ourselves. I would like to hear your thoughts on this. On a side note, if one is in a legal contention or divorce, I could see how disarming could be effective and pacifying, yet what if those admissions could be used against you. David's reply I would like to include this in an Ask David podcast, with our first name or a fake name. Please advise if okay. Short answer: the ideas and tools to treat individual mood problems, like depression, are the complete opposite of the ideas and tools to treat relationship problems. This is like matter and anti-matter. However, the Disarming Technique and the Acceptance Paradox connect these two opposed and radically different worlds. So, in a sense, you are right. The Acceptance Paradox is a lot like disarming yourself! Best, david Jeffry's reply to david Thank you for the succinct response, and I look forward to hearing it fleshed out in the podcast. I would be honored for you to mention my name: Jeffrey - from the outskirts of Jerusalem in Israel And thank you to the whole team for keeping the best things in life for free (although I do hope everyone receives the funds they need). Yet I feel converse maxim - "there's no free lunch" remains standing, app://resources/notifications.html And that is, because, as you state over and over - anybody serious in improvement must pay the price; whether in completing the daily logs, or Burns assessment quizzes, or facing your fears, challenging your assumptions or fine-tuning one's communication skills, one interaction at a time. The danger of apps, and screens in general, are the inherent passivity and superficiality they engender, so I am looking forward to seeing how this app overcomes that. Lastly, you had sought feedback as to audience preferences for podcasts: I think by now I and most regular listeners are clear in the general approaches of Team CBT, and how it differs from other schools and their adherents, so now I benefit most from the role playing to crystallize and internalize its application. I would also be willing to forego multiple scenarios in each session in order to spend more time reiterating and clarifying individual scenarios - assuming that David, Rhonda, Matt, etc, have the willingness to keep going. Keep on keeping us learning and laughing. Jeffrey David's reply Thanks for the kindly and thoughtful note. We'll certainly try, but as you say, there's no free lunch and no guarantees! We are sometimes just hanging on! I like your recommendation for podcasts: more role playing I think to bring techniques and ideas to life. Warmly, david Thanks, for listening! David and Rhonda

Ask David Why do I obsess? Why do I have to be perfect? How can I share my feelings without oversharing? The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the podcast for a more in-depth discussion of each question. Here are the questions for today's podcast. Zhang asks: I have intrusive daydreams and obsess about getting things perfect? What's causing this? And what can I do? Yevhen asks: How can I use "I Feel" Statements without oversharing? But first, we start today's podcast with a comment from Susan, one of our podcast fans. She extends our discussion of whether friendship is more of a human "need" or a human "want." She describes her work with Dr. Daniel Herman, a Level 4 certified TEAM CBT therapist. Hi Rhonda, Matt, and David, First, I wanted to say I am so glad sweet Rhonda is feeling better. This is wonderful news! I have been a fan of Dr. Burns books for 10+ years and of the podcast for 3 years. I just finished listening to podcast #469 on friendship and felt compelled to share my story as it relates to Team CBT. Three years ago, my 23 year-old son entered a 90 day inpatient rehabilitation center for a marijuana addiction followed by 1 1/2 years in a sober living facility. Six months into his recovery, I reached out to Dr. Daniel Hermann, a Team CBT level 4 therapist. At that time, my son's progress had been steady yet I was still suffering greatly. One of many thoughts that contributed to my suffering was that my friends couldn't understand what I was going through. Although I have been fortunate to have had many wonderful friendships for 30+ years, Although I was open with my friends about my struggles, I generally didn't feel they understood what I was going through and I felt isolated. Fortunately, Dr. Herman did not try to convince me that I "needed" these friendships or to be understood to "get through" this difficult time. Instead, he helped me to look at the situation realistically, without distortions. My positive reframe regarding my friends was "I wish I could have felt closer to my friends during this difficult time. However, there are many ways in which I have supported myself and I have found other outside sources of comfort also." I made a very detailed list of the myriad of ways I had supported myself which brought me great comfort and empowerment. I was able to accept that I wasn't feeling as close to my friends as I would have liked, without blaming them or myself. I also let go of my belief that my friends "should" have been able to empathize better with what I was going through. I learned that although I truly value these friendships, if I expect them to mean everything to me in every situation, I will be setting myself up for a lot of suffering. I am so happy that sweet Rhonda had those strong friendships to help her during such a dark time. She is very fortunate! Since Rhonda had a change of heart during the podcast, the following comments are based on her beliefs at the beginning of the podcast: that the support of her friends is a need and that she could not have "gotten through" her treatments without it. Did Rhonda mean that she would have not sought cancer treatment, the treatments would have been ineffective, or that she would have ended her life without the support of her friends? Would she have told a client of hers in a similar situation that she needed to focus all her time and effort on developing meaningful friendships rather than treating her cancer because friendship was the true need? Obviously, I don't believe she would have and am glad that she had a change of heart regarding this belief. Thank you all for your wonderful podcasts! Susan The point I was trying to make is that Dr. Hermann himself did not appear to believe in these self-defeating beliefs, contrary to public opinion. This was essential to me coming to the same conclusions. (To be clear, he NEVER told me what to believe lol. I was paying him but I did all the work! Frustrating at times but coming to my own conclusions was the only way to internalize these messages.) Zhang asks: I have intrusive daydreams and obsess about getting things perfect? What's causing this? And what can I do? Dear Dr. Burns, Thank you so much for your kind and prompt reply. I truly appreciate you taking the time to direct me to the additional resources on your website—I have found them and am already finding them very helpful. Please accept my sincere apologies for the delay in responding. The beginning of the new semester has kept me quite occupied, and I have only now found a moment to write to you properly. I am writing to you again because I have been struggling with some persistent challenges and was hoping I might ask for your guidance. Lately, I often find myself distracted by vivid, intrusive daydreams—I create elaborate imaginary stories or visualize worst-case scenarios, such as natural disasters. In addition, I have developed what feels like an obsessive need to keep my books in perfect condition. Even minor wear causes me significant anxiety, and I find it difficult to stop thinking about it if I cannot repair the damage. These thoughts and behaviors are beginning to affect my daily life, and I was wondering if you might have any advice or suggested resources that could help me better understand and manage them. Thank you once again for your generosity and support. Your work has already made a profound difference in my life. Warm regards, Zhang  David's response Thanks, Zhang. There are many methods and ideas in When Panic Attacks, my book on anxiety. In particular, the Hidden Emotion Technique might interest you. If you are in the US, there is a class on it in the Feeling Great app, which is free until the end of September, so move fast. Also, I would like to include this as an Ask David, if that's okay. Can use your first name, or a fake name. Best, david   Yevhen asks: How can I use "I Feel" Statements without oversharing? Hello Dr. Burns, Rhonda, and Matt, I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude for the remarkable work you're doing in the field of TEAM-CBT. Your books and your voice of reason have been an immense help to me in some of the most difficult times. Dr Burns, I always feel amazed hearing your wisdom and patience each time you explain the concepts. Even those concepts that were explained before. Additionally, thank you Dr Burns, Rhonda and Matt, for the exceptional Feeling Good podcast you host. Each new episode is a highlight of my week and nearly always offers profound insight and encouragement. On a lighter note, I sometimes play your podcast at night when I have trouble sleeping. It really helps me drift off within 20-30 minutes 😀 Rhonda, I admire your perseverance in the face of your illness. I wish you a smooth and speedy recovery. Matt, I really appreciate all the cool insights you're sharing and contributing to this podcast. I'd love to ask you a couple of questions: 1)    When I meet new people, I tend to guide the conversation by asking relevant, open-ended questions. Something similar to the "TV host persona" you described in Feeling Great. The challenge is that I rarely share much about myself. This often leads my friends or partners to say that they hardly know me or that I keep personal matters private/do not share anything with them. How can I work on sharing more about myself without oversharing? 2)    I usually appear calm and some people even describe me as having a "poker face." This sometimes leaves my partner/friends unsure how to read my reactions or feelings. Is there a way to become more comfortable showing emotions without forcing it? 3)    I'm not naturally confrontational, so in difficult situations or disagreements I usually choose flight over fight. This sometimes leaves me feeling like I missed something or haven't explained my position/point of view. Is there anything I can do to develop a healthier balance in these moments? I would be really grateful if you could answer any of these questions. Thank you again for your inspiring work! Best regards Yevhen M. David's reply Thanks, will add this to the next Ask David list. In the meantime, we did a podcast on "I Feel" statements that you could find on my website, with many practical ideas. You said you want to practice something new and asked: :"How can I work on sharing more about myself without oversharing?" That sounds like you want to practice pitching, in baseball, and want to make sure you throw all perfect pitches. This is not possible! You WILL over or under share at times, it's a rule of the universe. Are you willing to learn by trial and error? And what are you the most afraid of? On question #3, I never answer abstract, hypothetical questions, as you will know if you have followed my work. If you want help with this, write down one thing the other person said, (or might say), and what, exactly, you said next (or might say next.) This will provide a world of specific information that will contain the answer you're looking for. But on a general level, as the Buddha said so many years ago, "don't waste your time in worthless generalizations. Give me something specific and real, please!" Best, david Thanks for listening today! Rhonda, Matt, and David

Relapse and Relapse Prevention for Overeating Featuring Dr. Angela Krumm On today's podcast, we proudly feature an old friend, Dr. Angela Krumm, on the topic of relapse prevention for habits and addictions. This is certainly a top of incredible importance, since all treatments for all habits and addictions seem to have extremely high relapse rates. Anything we could do to reduce that would be a major contribution. Angela was on our Feeling Good Podcast #270 on Nov 29, 2021 describing some TEAM CBT methods she'd developed to deal with her own weight gain. In podcast #270 she taught listeners how to set process goals, instead of outcome focused goals. She then taught about the Triple Paradox, Habit Addiction Log, Devil's Advocate technique, and the Problem-Solution log. In that first episode she explained that this was a difficult time in her life: her father had died, and she'd also experienced a traumatic fall which caused a concussion. So she fell off being careful about her diet, and one day was shocked that she could not recognize herself—due to weight gain--in a photo, and was on the fast track to Type II Diabetes. As a result, she utilized many of the TEAM CBT techniques and slowly, but surely, lost weight and kept it off for multiple years. She explains that she was "solid for a long time, but have to confess, with shame, that I eventually relapsed because I got over-confident. I'd been tracking what I ate, which was an important key for me, and stopped keeping up with it consistently, thinking I didn't really need to anymore." We reviewed the kinds of tempting thoughts she'd had (and still has, of course, at times), when she feels tempted by her favorites: things like delicious brownies, red wine, and other sweet treats.  She has tempting thoughts such as: I deserve to take a break from tracking what I eat. I deserve a treat—I've had a hard day. It's silly to be so rigid. I deserve to eat whatever I want. Spontaneity is one of my core values! During the podcast, we illustrated the Devil's Advocate Technique (DAT), which is powerful and a lot of fun, but sometimes trickier than it looks. When Angela gave a "good" but not "huge" response to one of these tempting thoughts, I automatically suggested a role-reversal. Rhonda immediately and rightly reminded us that we never do role-reversals when people are stuck during the Devil's Advocate. Instead, we paradox the person and sit with open hands. Rhonda modeled this beautifully and it worked like a charm. Angela had a sudden about face and blew the tempting thought out of the water immediately. We made three teaching points on DAT. Don't give in to the urge to "help." This will have the opposite effect of keeping the patient stuck. Realize that if you're a therapist, and your patient cannot convincingly defeat all the temping thoughts in the office, the likelihood that they can defeat them when they're at home is 0%. So, the DAT is both a powerful technique to boost motivation with tools you can use when tempted, but it is also a powerful test of motivation. Remember to Sit with Open Hands if your patients cannot convincingly defeat their tempting thoughts. Angela shared that she now realizes that the main reason for her relapse was that she had skipped relapse prevention. This is the danger of being your own therapist, sometimes you make the mistake of cutting corners or getting overly confident. She asked to return to the podcast today to talk about that important mistake and help others prevent that mistake in the future. She wants us to emphasize the important of Relapse Prevention for all habits and addictions. When Angela mentioned that she'd relapsed in her eating to a therapist who was just learning TEAM-CBT, the therapist seemed shocked and asked, "Oh, does this mean that the techniques we're learning don't actually work?" This is such a great (but naïve and common) question, because we always emphasize that all patients—in fact all human beings—will relapse after recovery from depression, anxiety, a relationship conflict, or a habit / addiction. That's why it's so important to tell patients about relapse before discharge from therapy, and do a brief but intensive relapse prevention intervention. We reviewed several of the Relapse Prevention techniques, including the Problem Solution List and the Relapse Prevention Daily Mood Log, using and recording the Externalization of Voices. When you do this step with a patient, ask them to imagine the future moment in time when they have relapsed. It's important to capture the thoughts that will lead them to give up and quit using the techniques. Often, these are hopeless thoughts about the usefulness of the techniques or their ability to remain in recovery. If these thoughts are left unchecked, they will spiral the person into a deeper and more lengthy relapse. If they can predict the thoughts ahead of time and generate powerful rebuttals to use in that moment, then their first moment of relapse can be turned around quickly! We listed several of Angela's predicted negative thoughts during her relapse: I should not have let this happen. 100% I'm not strong enough. 60% It's just too hard to start tracking and logging what I eat again. 65% It will be too painful to have to track and see what I've eaten. 60% This isn't fair. It should be so hard to be healthy! 70% Screw it. I should just accept this and give up! 40% Podcast listeners will judge me because I have gained weight again. 10% We practiced challenging those thoughts with the Externalization of Voices, and Rhonda summarize several of the strategies that can be the most helpful: Self-Defense The Acceptance Paradox. The Counter-Attack Technique A combination of two or three Angela summarized three important take home messages from today's podcast. Always prepare a Relapse Daily Mood Log ahead of time, anticipating what you will be telling yourself when you relapse Challenge those thoughts with EOV and record that role-play so you can listen to it in the future when tempted. After you have lost sufficient weight, make a plan to continue your healthier eating after the acute phase. Do NOT make the common mistake of thinking, "Oh, I've achieved my goal of losing 30 pounds (or whatever), so now I'm done, and can go back to my normal eating habits and patterns again." Thank you for listening today! Angela, Rhonda, and David

Most of us think we're great communicators… but the truth is, we often aren't. At the free webinar on Wednesday, December 3 from 11 to 1 PT, you'll learn some tremendous new skills that will blow your mind. They'll also transform your relationships with the people you care about!  Sign up now at FeelingGoodWebinar.com. It's for EVERYBODY! Shrinks and the general public alike are warmly welcomed.  Therapists can purchase two CE credits if you attend the live event. See you there!  

COMING UP IN JANUARY: Fast Track to LEVEL 3 TEAM CBT Certification Howdy! If you're a therapist looking to strengthen your TEAM CBT skills and earn continuing education credit, here's an exceptional opportunity coming up in January 2026. Feeling Good Institute's Fast Track to Level 3 TEAM CBT Certification Starts January 16, 2026 • 25 weeks • 46 CEs Special Offer for Podcast Listeners: Use discount code FRIEND50 for a course price of $595.* Enroll Now at FastTrackCBT.com. This hybrid course combines: • Live weekly practice groups • Self-paced video training featuring Dr. David Burns & Dr. Jill Levitt • Deliberate Practice exercises such as Externalization of Voices and the Double Standard Technique • FREE Therapist Toolkit ($199 value) • Certification exam fees included *Early-Career Clinicians: If you're an Associate or Postdoc in the USA or Canada, use code EarlyCareer2026 and get the course for just $195 plus exam fee. Enroll Now at FastTrackCBT.com. If you want to level up your therapy skills for the rest of your career, this may be the ideal time.

David and Jill's Amazing Exposure Webinar Part 2 of 2 Today, you will hear part 2 of the Webinar that Dr. Jill Levitt and I did on September 11th on TEAM CBT and powerful exposure techniques for anxiety disorders. Jill's fantastic teaching includes the importance of recognizing the "Safety Behaviors" that sabotage effective exposure therapy. You will hear the dramatic story of a woman who recovered from more than 20 years of OCD / germ phobia in less than one minute while attending David's free weekly psychotherapy seminar at Stanford. You will also learn about "Memory Rescripting," and how it suddenly changed the life of a veteran who'd lost the capacity to feel human feelings following a traumatic experience in Vietnam 25 years earlier.  Thanks for listening. Please let us know if you want future webinars presenting as podcasts. We will also publish them in their entirety on our YouTube Feeling Great channel, so the additional publication on a podcast may be overkill. Let us know! Warmly, Rhonda, Jill, and David

David and Jill's Amazing Exposure Webinar Part 1 of 2 Today, you will hear part 1 of the Webinar that Dr. Jill Levitt and I did on September 11th of the fine points of exposure techniques for anxiety disorders. More than 2,000 individuals (mainly therapists, but many general public as well) registered for this event. It was super well received, thanks in large part to Jill's super awesome teaching skills! I feel so lucky every time we teach together. In part 1 today, you will hear about an overview of TEAM CBT, as well as the four treatment models we use with every person who is struggling with anxiety: The Motivational Model The Cognitive Model The Exposure Model The Hidden Emotion Model You will also see a dramatic example of the use of a powerful cognitive technique (the Experimental Technique) with Terri, a woman who'd struggled for ten years with extreme panic attacks and depression. You will see the exact moment of recovery, when her uncontrollable sobbing suddenly turned into uncontrollable laughter, joy, and relief. This may be the most dramatic psychotherapy example ever recorded. Although this podcast of the webinar is in audio only, you can also SEE this dramatic segment on YouTube at LINK to TERRI VIDEO Next week you will hear part 2 of that webinar, with Jill's fantastic teaching on the fine points of exposure, including the importance of recognizing the "Safety Behaviors" that sabotage effective treatment. You will hear the dramatic story of a woman who recovered from more than 20 years of OCD / germ phobia in less than one minute while attending David's free weekly psychotherapy seminar at Stanford. You will also learn about "Memory Rescripting," and how it suddenly changed the life of a veteran who'd lost the capacity to feel human feelings following a traumatic experience in Vietnam 25 years earlier.  Thanks for listening. Please let us know if you want future webinars presenting as podcasts. We will also publish them in their entirety on our YouTube Feeling Great channel, so the additional publication on a podcast may be overkill. Let us know! Warmly, Rhonda, Jill, and David

Ask David Are You Getting Old and Cranky Now? TEAM CBT and Spirituality The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the podcast for a more in-depth discussion of each question. Jenn asks: Are you getting old and cranky now? Jenn also asks: How did you get involved with / develop the spiritual and enlightenment aspect of TEAM? Dear Dr. Burns, Let me start by saying thank you for all of your hard work and diligence in creating a method which is so user friendly. Completing the book, When Panic Attacks, changed my life and helped me reach enlightenment. My Ask David question is inspired by the last few podcasts, the live session with Rhonda and the live session with Madelaine which David just did with Jill. David has clearly worked so hard to create TEAM and has dedicated so much time to perfect it. I was lucky enough to have been introduced to the podcast when it first started. Some of my favorite episodes to listen to are the live therapy sessions. I've gained insight and felt heard through many of these such as when David told Lee how lonely enlightenment can be because I agree with that! Recently I have noticed that David's demeanor has changed and was hoping to ask about it. I can imagine David might feel lonely in his expertise sometimes. I might be on the wrong track here too but I wonder if David might be feeling frustrated with the lack of understanding from people around him. He has been dedicating his life to this and still people do not understand certain aspects of his research and teaching. On recent podcasts, David had mentioned that he gets more irritated with teaching now too and it has seemed like he is irritated with Rhonda at points. He has mentioned that he feels disappointed if he doesn't see change in 2 hour sessions. Recently I watched a live session with Madelaine and some of the techniques (for example, calling her negative self sociopath during counter attack) did not seem to land or resonate with her and that wasn't addressed with David's usual love and tenderness and warmth with empathy. It seemed rushed and not necessarily focused on the patient outcome but the timeline. I did not find it to be David's usual work of patience and warmth. I could be completely off the rails but I am wondering if this is resonating with David and if he could share more about what it's been like for him recently. I also am wondering if it is difficult to navigate being seen as "a great leader" in a field. Do people see you as "David" simply a dedicated expert in your field or do people treat you like a "God" that has all the answers? I can imagine people would want help from you 24/7 and if you could speak to that. I am hoping David can look at some of those thoughts and comments he's made on the podcasts and become the client for us listeners! I would love for David to show us how to experience TEAM from the client's perspective for all to hear. I have used TEAM-CBT for 10 years and recently started the Fast Track Program which I am very excited for! Thank you again for this truly amazing process! Jenn David's reply Thanks, Jenn, You are right, I DO feel quite a bit of irritation with our field and can identify a bit with Martin Luther, who nailed his treatise / ideas on someone's door hundreds of years ago, and also Jesus who angrily threw the money changers out of the temple a couple thousand years ago. I know that sounds narcissistic, but that's how I feel sometimes. My frustration has several dimensions: The field, to my way of thinking, is incredibly screwed up and anti-scientific, divided into irrational cults called "schools" of therapy. Nobody seems to notice this "elephant" in our room! Hey, are you all sleeping? Did you learn critical thinking in college? When challenged by research that seriously questions the validity and effectiveness of current psychotherapies for depression and anxiety, for example, no one seems to care or notice. It seems like wrong theories die hard. People do not like being criticized and got angry when I criticize the field of psychotherapy. So, there is a kind of a "let's be politically correct" and be super "nice" to everyone, so as not to stir them up or hurt their feelings. There is a potential for massive change and improvements in psychotherapy and psychiatric treatment, but it would require a revolution and the acceptance of totally new approaches which would threaten many therapists' thinking and survival at a very basic level. Are you or others interested in my thinking? Let me know. If so, more later, maybe on a podcast or two with Jill and Matt, and of course, Rhonda. And here are the answers to some of your other questions. You say, "He has mentioned that he feels disappointed if he doesn't see change in 2 hour sessions." We're not on the same page here. I nearly always see dramatic change in 2 hour sessions, and I'm dramatic that I have created a therapeutic approach that makes this possible. When I was a young man, a psychiatric resident, I use to dream about that, and wondered if it was even possible, since I almost never saw meaningful change, much less recovery and joy, in any of my patients using the methods I was talk (supportive listening and antidepressants.) You also wrote: I also am wondering if it is difficult to navigate being seen as "a great leader" in a field. Do people see you as "David" simply a dedicated expert in your field or do people treat you like a "God" that has all the answers? Cool question. I think many people see me as a dedicated expert, but I think a few, particular from some of the Asian countries, to like to see people as "gurus" or something on that level. Sometimes I may even encourage that, as I am a strong believer that therapy, at its deepest level, does become spiritual. So, questions about spirituality and enlightenment do interest me greatly, and many of the techniques I've created are designed to facilitate rapid improvement, in minutes, vs. years of meditation. The Externalization of Voices would be an example, and it was actually the first CBT technique I created, around or even prior to 1975. You say, Recently I watched a live session with Madelaine and some of the techniques (for example, calling her negative self sociopath during counter attack) did not seem to land or resonate with her and that wasn't addressed with David's usual love and tenderness and warmth with empathy. It seemed rushed and not necessarily focused on the patient outcome but the timeline. You are partially correct and perhaps somewhat "off." Where you are right is that I miscalculated the time for the webinar, and thought we had to stop at 12:30. I later figured out we had until 1 PM, and we could have spent more time on EOV. Where you're perhaps wrong is that sometimes a confrontation can "jar" a patient into enlightenment. Few therapists use confrontation, but I have always used it, ever since my days in psychodrama as a medical student. Madeleine commented in her follow up evaluation on the things most helpful to her during the session, and that was one of them. Research has consistently proven that the observers of therapy cannot accurately assess the quality of the therapeutic alliance, as reported by the patient, or the effectiveness of what's happening during a session. I sometimes wish therapist observers had a bit more humility about the accuracy of their observations, based on research that's been replicated over and over! But there I am, whining again so I will stop! At any rate, Jenn, thanks for the wonderfully informative critical thinking, and great questions! Warmly, david Jenn's response to David Hi Dr. Burns, Thank you so much for your fast response. I am really honored that you took the time to reply to me! Thank you for your honesty too and I can imagine it's super frustrating! I do not think that sounds narcissistic, I think you are right. I find it extremely frustrating too and I am just a user and learner of TEAM. I think I "see it" sometimes since I've done some personal work. I'm still human with many flaws as I am sure you caught on to a few in my email. I completely agree with all of your points. I genuinely do not understand how TEAM-CBT is not the go-to. It is finally a scientific method that is proven to be effective. It truly leaves me speechless and I could ramble about TEAM for hours to be honest! I am a registered nurse and I have a difficult time seeing my patients being "thrown" anti-depressants etc. The biological theory was the go-to in mental health and about 10 years ago as I was finishing my nursing degree I read When Panic Attacks. It was mind blowing to me. At the time I was working on a Stroke Rehab unit and the psychologist would recommend our depressed and anxious patients be put on medication. When I asked if she had heard about your work she scoffed at it and it made me so mad! I wanted to scream at her to read your work but she was resistant to even listening and perhaps that will not surprise you based on your points (and also how I incorrectly tried to sell it to her!). I would see so many of my patients put on antidepressants and left alone afterwards as if that would solve everything. Even recently during my labour and delivery training we had a psychologist speak to us about post partum mood "disorders" and she specifically mentioned her patients "yes-butting" her and made a joke about how resistant they are to change and I just had this thought HELLOOOOO has agenda setting not been around for years????? Do people not search out solutions and try to be better? I could Google "my patient is yes-butting me" and your work would come up and it is not easy but it is spelled-out and so accessible to learn. Anyway, I could rant forever. I'm on the same page with you, Dr. Burns! Thank you for the follow-up email as well. You are right on this one for sure- my therapist observer totally was inaccurate! And I was thinking "I wonder what her EOV is

Dr. David Burns and Jill Levitt will teach you seven jaw-dropping techniques to end feelings of shyness and social anxiety. For shrinks AND for the general public. If you're hurting, or you have patients who are hurting, we want you to join us! It's 100% free. Therapists even get two FREE CE credits if you attend the live event. Sign up now at CBTforSocialAnxiety.com. This event could change your life. It's Wednesday, November 5th, 2025, from 11 AM to 1 PM Pacific Coast Time. Be THERE! 

Ask David: What's the best way to do Positive Reframing? Is the "20 Qualities I'm Looking for in an Ideal Mate" reliable?  And, How can I tell if someone I'm dating is REALLY honest, loyal, and faithful? The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the podcast for a more in-depth discussion of each question. Julia asks: is it more important to do positive reframing on feelings (anxiety, anger, frustration) rather than on specific thoughts («I should be calmer»)? Charlotte asks: What's the best way to use the "20 Qualities I'm looking for in an ideal mate?" Charlotte also asks: What's the best way to find out if someone you're dating is going to be loyal, faithful, and honest?   Julia asks: is it more important to do positive reframing on feelings (anxiety, anger, frustration) rather than on specific thoughts («I should be calmer»)?  Dear David and Rhonda, I listened today to the Podcast 460 on The fear of Happiness. What a wonderful podcast! I love the deeper dives on one topic and especially when you focus on discussing positive reframing. If Rhonda felt like she didn't do her best on the podcast, I definitely was struggling a lot even on coming up with positives for Thomas. And It's been some years since I positively reframe my feelings! Here is my question: Why is it more important to do positive reframing on feelings (anxiety, anger, frustration) rather than on specific thoughts («I should be calmer»)? I always find it easier and more helpful for myself to positively reframe the specific thoughts rather than the feelings. I specifically see the reason why a thought is both serving me and saying something so awesome about me and my core values. It usually elevates my mood and my overthinking on the spot. On the other hand doing it on feelings is also very helpful but can remain sometimes on the general level. It still speaks truly to me and I confirm every value but is less poignant than specific thoughts. Thank you both so much for such a wonderful podcast! All the best, Julia from Italy David's Response Thanks, will add this to the next Ask David list. Great question! One thing to keep in mind is that you can do Positive Reframing on anything: a thought, a distortion, an emotion, a behavior, and more. So, the answer is, "it all depends!" On the podcast, we can try to figure out what it all depends on, so we have a systematic way of thinking about this great question. But part of the answer will be, "whatever works for you." The PR of a thought is more specific and unique to you, so that's a plus for including thoughts along with some of the feelings. The feelings are great because they are relatively easy, if you know how to PR them, and the impact can be enormous and, of course, beneficial. Warmly, david Charlotte asks: What's the best way to use the "20 Qualities I'm looking for in an ideal mate?" Is this tool reliable? Charlotte also asks: What's the best way to find out if someone you're dating is going to be loyal, faithful, and honest? Dear David and dear Rhonda, I love the Podcast so much! It has come with me the last 2 years almost every week and its been incredibly helpful both as a therapist to be and as a human being doing this crazy thing called life! You two put so much of your heart into it and I am beyond grateful for all your hard work and what you give to all of us for free every week of the year. I don't know where I would be without TEAM and what I know for sure is I never wanna live without TEAM and this beautiful community of kind, funny and big hearted people anymore. Big thanks to both of you and Matt May and all the people who agreed to publish their personal work. Those episodes are extra special for me and always help me overcome my own struggles even more! Hugs from Berlin, Germany Charlotte I also have a question regarding your episodes around Dating. OMG I can't tell you how helpful they were for me. I am going through a pretty painful break up right now and these episodes gave me so many tips for my future endeavors of dating to find a life partner! So, I would be more than thrilled about another or more podcasts going through that topic! I have two questions regarding Dating that came up for me along the way: There is this sheet I use often and was mentioned called "20 qualities in a partner." I love this and rated all my exes in hindsight and also people I dated e.g. my then boyfriend. My boyfriend got a way higher score than my exes at the time and now that we are broken up I reviewed that list. Knowing what I know now the score changed quite a bit which confused me a lot. Now I am wondering how reliable this list is especially if you don't know the person very well in the beginning. How do you handle this list when you're on your first date--let's say--and barely know that person? It's hard to rate someone on availability, loyalty, honesty and so forth when you don't know them yet?! Is there a trick you can do to find that out quicker and do you recommend to review that list after every date and see if you can rate them more realistically now? My second question is a bit similar. How can you slowly find out how trustworthy, empathetic, honest, loyal, faithful a person is? Interestingly enough since my score on both anxiety and depression is 0 for most of the time the last 2 years, I had two bad experiences in dating. Both my partners were unfaithful and dishonest about it. Which is interesting for me because my two long term boyfriends were at a time, I was struggling with anxiety and both of them were very loyal, warm, faithful and very much involved in our relationship. So, I feel like my anxiety motivated me to choose very carefully and now that I am doing really good in life and love being by myself and don't need a relationship anymore but want to have a life partner and marry eventually I kind seem to choose more poorly when it comes to partners. I hope my questions make any sense! Warmly, Charlotte David's response Thanks Charlotte. I'll add these to our upcoming Ask David recording. Great questions on dating, one of my favorite topics! Warmly, david Thanks for listening today! Rhonda, Matt, and David

Dr. David Burns and Jill Levitt will teach you seven jaw-dropping techniques to end feelings of shyness and social anxiety. For shrinks AND for the general public. If you're hurting, or you have patients who are hurting, we want you to join us! It's 100% free. Therapists even get two FREE CE credits if you attend the live event. Sign up now at CBTforSocialAnxiety.com. This event could change your life. It's Wednesday, November 5th, 2025, from 11 AM to 1 PM Pacific Coast Time. Be THERE!