The Terri Cole Show

Whether you struggle with the fear of abandonment or you tend to shut down when things get close, this conversation is for you.   In this episode, I'm joined by psychotherapist Trevor Hansen to discuss why so many of us get stuck in the attachment style "research phase" and how to actually rewire your brain for secure attachment. We dive deep into the "origin stories" that drive our adult behaviors, the hidden link between anxious and avoidant styles, and a powerful "voice note" tool you can start using today to meet your own unmet needs. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/820

Do you say yes before checking your calendar? Jump in to fix problems that aren't yours to solve? Adjust your plans without a second thought to keep the peace? If any of this sounds familiar, you might be an auto-accommodator. And trust me, it's costing you more than you realize. About two years ago, I shared a story about auto-accommodating that struck a nerve with so many of you. The response was immediate and overwhelming – it went viral because people finally had a name for this reflexive pattern they'd been living with for years. In this week's episode of The Terri Cole Show, I'm diving deeper into auto-accommodating – what it is, why we do it, and most importantly, how to stop. This isn't about breaking a bad habit. We're talking about shifting a deeply ingrained behavioral pattern that silently influences your relationships, stress levels, resentment, and sense of self. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/819

How does a 3-time Emmy winner create the most psychologically complex characters in TV history? Join me and the legendary Tom Fontana, showrunner of many series including "Oz" and "Homicide: Life on the Street" as we deconstruct the creative process, storytelling, and the human psyche. In this episode, we dive deep into the "Origin Story" of a master storyteller. Tom shares his unique 3-part framework for building three-dimensional characters and explains why everyone has a story they are dying to tell—if only someone would ask. If you've ever felt "stuck" in your creative journey or want to understand the moral complexity behind groundbreaking dramas like Netflix's Borgia or Saint Elsewhere, this conversation is for you. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/818

Someone from our community recently sent me an email. She didn't understand why she had low self-worth, and she wanted to know if it was something she could change as an adult. The answer is a resounding YES.  We're going to cover how low self-worth develops, what it looks like when it's running in the background of your life, and what you can do to build something more solid, because building more self-worth requires practice. Let's start with the premise that we are all born worthy. Simply by virtue of being alive. The work is figuring out what got in the way of that, and how to come back to it. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/817

Do you have a book in you, waiting to be written? Or are you just curious what a developmental editor actually does for an author? To answer those questions, I invited an extra-special guest on the Terri Cole Show: The editor I work with on my very own books, Joelle Hann.  We chat about how Joelle has become such a precious part of my book-writing team, how she got her start as a developmental editor, and the growth process authors go through as they face the daunting task of finishing their first books! If you're working on a book and are ready to make it happen, apply to Book Proposal Academy [https://brooklynbookdoctor.com/bpa-tc-show/]. Joelle will personally take a closer look at your book idea and discuss your next best steps! The next cohort starts on April 17th. Read the show notes at terricole.com/816

You've probably heard the terms emotional self-regulation and dysregulated nervous system. They're everywhere right now, and for good reason. But I want to make sure we're all on the same page about what dysregulation actually looks like when it's happening to you, in your body, on a Tuesday afternoon. That's what I'm getting into on this episode of The Terri Cole Show. How dysregulation presents in real life, and a few of my favorite ways to come back to yourself when you're stuck there. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/815

Are you your own worst critic? In this episode of The Terri Cole Show, Terri sits down with viral content creator and New York Times bestselling author Misha Brown (@YourBestieMisha) to discuss his new book, Be Your Own Bestie: A No-Nonsense Guide to Changing the Way You Treat Yourself. Misha shares his "Hero Origin Story"—moving from being bullied to becoming an empathic powerhouse for millions. You'll learn why waiting for confidence is a mistake and how his S.A.S.S. Method (Self-reflection, Affirmations, Standing your ground, and Sculpting your life) can help you reclaim your power. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/814

We have lots of social science about the benefits of having good friends. But I hear from a lot of you that you're not sure how to find or make friends in this season of life. That is what we will be exploring in this episode.  I just got back from Costa Rica with girlfriends that I've known since I was four. We're all turning 62 this year, which means we've been friends longer than most marriages last. But I also have friends I've made in adulthood who are just as important to me, and I'm absolutely committed to them. Vic knew he was going to have to be a good sharer. I said straight up at the beginning of our relationship, "I love a lot of people. If you're a possessive type of person, we will not be a good fit." He was not and has been sharing me since 1997, lol!  If you don't have close friends, I want you to know you can. It's a skill like anything else. On today's episode, I'll share some tips to help you take stock of your friendships, find new friends as an adult, and keep the ones you love. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/813

Whether you're navigating a high-conflict divorce or trying to prevent everyday burnout in your marriage, award-winning family lawyer and co-parenting expert Gabriella Pomari has advice for you. In this episode, we're sitting down to explore why so many successful women fall into the trap of over-functioning. Plus, how to reclaim your power through cleaner boundaries. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/812

Do you find yourself exhausted after interacting with certain people or in certain situations? With the state of the world, you might just be exhausted from listening to the news. But if you look at the patterns, you'll probably see there are certain situations and certain people that drain your energy more than others. I'm talking about empaths and highly sensitive people. I'm going to explain the difference between the two and give you a five-step plan for staying balanced. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/811

On today's episode, I'm sitting down with iconic journalist and former Good Morning America host Joan Lunden to discuss her brand-new memoir, Life Beyond the Script. She shares the accidentally radical moments that defined her career—from becoming Sacramento's first weather girl with zero experience to being the first woman to bring a baby on set and advocate for breastfeeding on national television. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/810

Has someone ever asked you a question that felt invasive, judgmental, or just plain rude?  Maybe it was a parent, a family member, or someone who thinks they're "just being caring."  Your response may have been to freeze.  Or smile and explain. Maybe you answered a question and later regretted it. If that sounds familiar, you're not alone.  So many of us have been in that situation and thought afterward, why didn't I say something? Why didn't I draw a boundary? Why didn't I tell them it was none of their business? But often we don't. And that's what we're getting into today. How to respond to rude comments and why saying "no" is still really hard for some of us. These two things are connected, and they're both worth understanding. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/809

What if real transformation doesn't require blowing up your life? In this episode, Terri sits down with meditation teacher and author Light Watkins to discuss his book The Year You Transform and the fastest, most accessible path to lasting change. They explore why success doesn't always lead to fulfillment, the myth of the "Eat, Pray, Love" transformation, and how small, intentional discomfort (like cold showers, forgiveness, or quitting complaining) can radically shift your mindset. If you're feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or craving deeper purpose, this conversation will show you how to create real change—from the inside out. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/808

Many people can communicate just fine until a conflict arises.  Then the nervous system gets activated, and suddenly you're either shutting down, getting defensive, or saying things you don't mean.  Sound familiar? Our nervous systems get activated during conflict. It's normal for communication to be more challenging when you're activated than when you're not. That's just biology. When you understand how your body responds to stress, you give yourself a chance to communicate more effectively. When you're in conflict, what happens for you? Do you shut down?  Do you get loud?  Or begin attempting to please or appease the other person? I'm going to walk you through the top challenges I see as a psychotherapist. And I've put together a guide with some scripts for you at terricole.com/guide. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/807

Does fear feel like a stoplight in your head? Have you ever backed down from something important because it scared you? Today's guest, former U.S. Marine Corps Officer Jill Schulman, is here to help you rethink how you respond to fear. Listen to learn why fear is a part of bravery and you should "do it scared" instead of waiting to feel fearless. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/806

I've been hearing from so many of you that you're feeling overwhelmed by what's happening in the world right now. And if you are, you're normal. Because it is overwhelming. We were not designed to be in this hyper-aroused nervous system state for as long as we've been. Our bodies aren't meant for it. Our minds aren't meant for it. And yet here we are, living in a 24-hour bad news cycle that literally never ends. You know, it didn't used to be this way. There was a time when the nightly news was one person reporting on the day's events without editorializing. Now it's a circus of talking heads and pundits and narratives coming at you from every direction. And if you're trying to be a well-informed, good global citizen without being buried under a tidal wave of bad news, that's a really hard line to walk. If you're feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, anxious, or paralyzed, this one is for you. And you're not alone. I created a free guide including a guided meditation called One Love to go along with this post. You can grab it at terricole.com/guide. There are things you can do to keep your mental, physical, and emotional health intact right now. None of them cost money. Most of them are about changing your mind about what you're allowed to give yourself. So here's my psychological survival kit. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/805

Are you struggling with codependency, hyper-independence, or feeling lonely in your relationships? In this episode of The Terry Cole Show, therapist and bestselling author Nedra Tawwab shares powerful insights from her new book The Balancing Act: Creating Healthy Dependency and Connection Without Losing Yourself. We explore attachment styles, boundaries, healthy dependency, and how to stop expecting one person to meet all your emotional needs. Learn how to create balanced, fulfilling relationships without losing yourself in the process. If you're working on healing anxious or avoidant attachment, improving boundaries, or building deeper connections — this conversation is for you. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/804

Whether you are or partnered this Valentine's Day, you shouldn't wait for someone else's permission to feel loved. By now, it's a tradition: I'm sharing my annual Valentine's Day ritual to help you rest, relaxed, and love yourself this Valentine's Day, no matter what your other plans are.  Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/803 

Dannah had dreamed of a career in law enforcement since childhood, but her life was turned upside down right before college graduation, when a trusted mentor told her she was too empathetic for a career as a federal agent. How could she move forward when her true self and her true calling seemed to conflict? She found a way– as an author and expert who helps women navigate life with both confidence and safety. Listen to today's episode for more of her story and lots of tips to navigate our unsafe world without getting paranoid. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/802

Does your chest ever tighten when your phone rings and you see it's someone in your family who you know needs something? Does your stomach drop when you get a text message that says, "We need to talk"? If you're already exhausted before you say yes to a whole plethora of things your family of origin may need from you, this post is for you. Family obligations are something I have had a complicated relationship with. Growing up, I felt a deep loyalty to my family of origin, particularly my mother and my sisters. And it got complicated when I fell in love with my husband and became a bonus mom to three teenage sons. There was so much going on, and the truth is, you can't really prioritize both. There's a natural shift that happens when you have a family of your own, or like me, you marry into a family. And when I was the one keeping it all together in my family of origin, I had to really decide what I was going to do. I was confronted with the extent of my obligation. So let's talk about family obligations, guilt, roles we didn't actively volunteer for, and why so many capable, loving, high-functioning people feel trapped by the responsibilities they quietly resent. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/801