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Decoding Attachment Styles
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Decoding Attachment Styles

Author: Annalisa Bahadur

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Why you keep picking the same fights. Why you feel so needy or so smothered. Let's talk about why your relationships play out the way they do, and what you can actually do about it.


I’m your host, Annalisa Bahadur. I have a psychology degree, I’m a coach, and most importantly, I’ve been in the trenches. I used to have major anxious attachment. I know what it's like to feel that constant anxiety, to need reassurance, to feel like the relationship is always on the brink of collapse.


But I did the work to move toward secure. And I’m now almost five years into a happy, stable relationship with a recovering avoidant. I’m not talking theory from a textbook. I’m talking about what actually worked for me and my clients.


This podcast is about attachment theory, stripped down to the basics. No fluff, no fancy language. Just straight talk about how your early wiring affects your adult relationships.


In each episode, we break down the four attachment styles - Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant. 

We'll look at how they show up in your dating life, your friendships, and even at work. You'll hear real stories and get practical steps you can use right now.

We focus on two main tools: empathy and boundaries.


  • Empathy to understand why you and the people you love act the way they do.
  • Boundaries to protect your own energy and stop cycles of drama and hurt.


This isn't about blaming your parents or your exes. It's about giving you a roadmap to better relationships. You'll learn how to identify your patterns, communicate what you really need, and build connections that feel solid, not stressful.

If you're tired of the same old problems and you're ready for real change, you're in the right place.


Bonus- every Thursday you'll have a chance to listen in on real people as they share their struggles as I coach them through their challenges. Each individual has agreed to have these session recorded using a pseudonym, and aired for your benefit. 

86 Episodes
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What happens when you have been friends for what seems like forever - you lose each other and find each other and in your older years decide to date but then to be blindsided by the avoidants pull away??? Sarah shares her journey through friendship to falling in love with her friend and then the heartbreaking pulling away that started a journey into examining her anxious attachment style and healing. This is for you if you've ever been confused about your relationship going great and th...
Social media will tell you that anxious-avoidant relationships are doomed. That avoidants are narcissists. That anxious people are just codependent. I'm here to tell you that's oversimplified BS that keeps people stuck. In this episode, I'm breaking down the anxious-avoidant dynamic with the nuance it actually deserves. After healing my own anxious attachment and being in a relationship with someone who's fearful-avoidant and has been actively working in therapy for over three years, I've lea...
Annalisa answers followers questions. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
What happens when someone who is working on their attachment style meets with an avoidant attached style person who may not be working on their healing - they set boundaries. How does that work out? Listen to this podcast as Sarah explains the hot and too heavy too soon dynamics of her relationship, setting boundaries and what happened next. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
You probably went through a breakup and was left wondering how your ex could appear like you never existed. This episode helps you to appreciate and understand what might be going on in the mind of your avoidant attached ex just after breakup - in case you're wondering - how can they move on as quickly, how can the stay away from texting you, how can they date so soon... And please don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It sure helps this episode get to others who need it.&...
Let's unpack one of social media's most pervasive attachment theory takes: the idea that avoidants coldly "discard" people the moment intimacy develops. But what if this narrative is not only oversimplified - it's actively harmful? In this episode, we explore how reducing complex human behavior to viral soundbites can pathologize normal relationship struggles, create self-fulfilling prophecies, and prevent the very understanding that leads to secure relationships. Whether you iden...
An avoidant shares her confusion at being heavily pursued by a man she didn't know, only to start appreciating the attention before he started to pull away. In this episode we discuss why avoidants are careful when entering new relationships, how they process relationships that just ended and what signs they are looking for as they enter into a new relationship. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
One of the most sought after answers in our time right now is how to manage a relationship with an Avoidant Attached person and, what is really going on in their minds. This episode helps an Avoidant Attached person understand themselves better, as well as starter healing journey. It also helps those who are interested in understanding and appreciating their avoidant attached friends and partner better. Drop a comment and let me know how this particular episode changed your perspective....
Many anxious and secure attached persons have dated avoidant attached persons who seemed really ready for a long term committed relationships until.... things got heavy. Many were left confused at their behaviours as some avoidant back-peddled, withdrew, seem to gaslight or altogether ghosted. In this episode, one of my guests shares her distress in trying to navigate her relationships as she tries to learn about her ex's behaviours, and her own. Give this a listen if you want to ...
Many of us believe that holding an avoidant accountable means talking to them like they are an idiot and we are their parent. How many of us liked it when our parents, or anyone in authority held us accountable? No one! We revelled and worse, you ignore and avoided as much as we could. Yes- my anxious attached friends. Even you did that. Most people are online telling us that we need to hold avoidant attached persons accountable and that is true. However, what we think is "holding them accoun...
At first, he was open to communicating about their needs. He seemed keen on trying to be better. They were great together - both feeling safe to be vulnerable for the first time, then something changed. He started to feel pressured and needed space. She gave him that space only to have a conversation later that confused her. Join me as I discussed with Sarah what are some of the red flags she might be missing right now and how she can navigate working with someone she is no longe...
Ever feels like your avoidant partner never wants to do anything during the holidays? Avoidant attached persons can have a love/hate relationship with holidays and it had everything to do with their attachment styles. As an anxious attached partner, you probably love the holidays - getting the perfect presents, planning get-togethers and meals, involving your partner in everything... While on the other hand, your avoidant partner wants to do anything (crawl on a hole) but be a par...
She thought everything was fine. Then, he dropped a bombshell/ “I'm not sure I'm in love with you anymore.” Trying to be understanding, she gave him an easy out. She said, “It's okay if we need to break up.” But he wouldn't take it. He was confused. He wanted to keep trying. And just like that, they were trapped in a exhausting cycle of push-and-pull-a classic anxious-avoidant trap-until he finally ended it for good. Now, she's left heartbroken and overthinking everything. She's asking all th...
Is your heart aching for an avoidant ex? This episode is your essential guide to navigating this incredibly painful and confusing situation. We cut through the generic advice to give you an attachment-based framework for what to do next. In this episode, you will learn- The Avoidant Mindset - What is really going on in their head post-breakup? (It's not what you think).The Power of Secure Energy - How to become the one thing an avoidant is subconsciously drawn to.Strategic Communication - Wha...
Today we dive into the mind of an avoidant- - what makes them shut down? - what are the thinking when they shut down? - what are the feeling when they have the urge to run away or shut down? - why do they walk away? And what you and your partner can do to save your relationship. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
You’re doing “the talk wrong and I’ll help you fix it. First, think - an avoidant brain is not a secure brain. You can’t talk to it like it’s an emotionally healthy brain. We think we have to soft talk an avoidant but they are really looking at you thinking - “ I got this exactly where I want it.” I spoke kindly and softy for decades and that got me nothing but breadcrumbs and disrespect. ps: these tips are only for the emotionally immature. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episod...
It can be intoxicating when two avoidants meet. There is chemistry and calm. But what happens when there is too much chemistry and calm for two people who are used to chaos? They may become bored and distant until there is a disconnect. And what happens after the disconnect? One or both can flip into their anxious state and seek reasons to stay connected- like a business venture on this case. This episode highlight how the brain works in the background to cause us to self-sabotage long ...
Sarah felt seen and validated until things turned for the worse with her avoidant attached partner. He then got up and left. You will see yourself in her story? You will learn from this coaching session how to navigate feelings the confusion and feeling of betrayal after being love bombed and discarded. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
It wasn’t easy for her , but Sarah felt like she had no choice but to shut herself away or withdraw from the demands and overwhelm - even if that sometimes came from her children. In this episode, Sarah tells what happens in the mind of a avoidant when they are going through their deactivation and what they think during this time. She also shares how she healed after her partner abandoned her and their children, and how she deals with romantic relationships now. I woul...
Very little is more devasting than the condition of being blindsided and betrayed by an avoidant attached persons. Sure they have their reasons but that doesn’t negate the pain their sudden exit cause when we are the ones left behind. In this episode, Sarah (name changed) shares her struggles to get through a breakup (divorce) with her ex and her determination to heal. We can all see ourselves in her story- we feel her pain and we root for her. I would love to hear your ...
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