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Decoding Attachment Styles
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Decoding Attachment Styles

Author: Annalisa Bahadur

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Why you keep picking the same fights. Why you feel so needy or so smothered. Let's talk about why your relationships play out the way they do, and what you can actually do about it.


I’m your host, Annalisa Bahadur. I have a psychology degree, I’m a coach, and most importantly, I’ve been in the trenches. I used to have major anxious attachment. I know what it's like to feel that constant anxiety, to need reassurance, to feel like the relationship is always on the brink of collapse.


But I did the work to move toward secure. And I’m now almost five years into a happy, stable relationship with a recovering avoidant. I’m not talking theory from a textbook. I’m talking about what actually worked for me and my clients.


This podcast is about attachment theory, stripped down to the basics. No fluff, no fancy language. Just straight talk about how your early wiring affects your adult relationships.


In each episode, we break down the four attachment styles - Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant. 

We'll look at how they show up in your dating life, your friendships, and even at work. You'll hear real stories and get practical steps you can use right now.

We focus on two main tools: empathy and boundaries.


  • Empathy to understand why you and the people you love act the way they do.
  • Boundaries to protect your own energy and stop cycles of drama and hurt.


This isn't about blaming your parents or your exes. It's about giving you a roadmap to better relationships. You'll learn how to identify your patterns, communicate what you really need, and build connections that feel solid, not stressful.

If you're tired of the same old problems and you're ready for real change, you're in the right place.


Bonus- every Thursday you'll have a chance to listen in on real people as they share their struggles as I coach them through their challenges. Each individual has agreed to have these session recorded using a pseudonym, and aired for your benefit. 

77 Episodes
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Many of us believe that holding an avoidant accountable means talking to them like they are an idiot and we are their parent. How many of us liked it when our parents, or anyone in authority held us accountable? No one! We revelled and worse, you ignore and avoided as much as we could. Yes- my anxious attached friends. Even you did that. Most people are online telling us that we need to hold avoidant attached persons accountable and that is true. However, what we think is "holding them accoun...
At first, he was open to communicating about their needs. He seemed keen on trying to be better. They were great together - both feeling safe to be vulnerable for the first time, then something changed. He started to feel pressured and needed space. She gave him that space only to have a conversation later that confused her. Join me as I discussed with Sarah what are some of the red flags she might be missing right now and how she can navigate working with someone she is no longe...
Ever feels like your avoidant partner never wants to do anything during the holidays? Avoidant attached persons can have a love/hate relationship with holidays and it had everything to do with their attachment styles. As an anxious attached partner, you probably love the holidays - getting the perfect presents, planning get-togethers and meals, involving your partner in everything... While on the other hand, your avoidant partner wants to do anything (crawl on a hole) but be a par...
She thought everything was fine. Then, he dropped a bombshell/ “I'm not sure I'm in love with you anymore.” Trying to be understanding, she gave him an easy out. She said, “It's okay if we need to break up.” But he wouldn't take it. He was confused. He wanted to keep trying. And just like that, they were trapped in a exhausting cycle of push-and-pull-a classic anxious-avoidant trap-until he finally ended it for good. Now, she's left heartbroken and overthinking everything. She's asking all th...
Is your heart aching for an avoidant ex? This episode is your essential guide to navigating this incredibly painful and confusing situation. We cut through the generic advice to give you an attachment-based framework for what to do next. In this episode, you will learn- The Avoidant Mindset - What is really going on in their head post-breakup? (It's not what you think).The Power of Secure Energy - How to become the one thing an avoidant is subconsciously drawn to.Strategic Communication - Wha...
Today we dive into the mind of an avoidant- - what makes them shut down? - what are the thinking when they shut down? - what are the feeling when they have the urge to run away or shut down? - why do they walk away? And what you and your partner can do to save your relationship. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
You’re doing “the talk wrong and I’ll help you fix it. First, think - an avoidant brain is not a secure brain. You can’t talk to it like it’s an emotionally healthy brain. We think we have to soft talk an avoidant but they are really looking at you thinking - “ I got this exactly where I want it.” I spoke kindly and softy for decades and that got me nothing but breadcrumbs and disrespect. ps: these tips are only for the emotionally immature. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episod...
It can be intoxicating when two avoidants meet. There is chemistry and calm. But what happens when there is too much chemistry and calm for two people who are used to chaos? They may become bored and distant until there is a disconnect. And what happens after the disconnect? One or both can flip into their anxious state and seek reasons to stay connected- like a business venture on this case. This episode highlight how the brain works in the background to cause us to self-sabotage long ...
Sarah felt seen and validated until things turned for the worse with her avoidant attached partner. He then got up and left. You will see yourself in her story? You will learn from this coaching session how to navigate feelings the confusion and feeling of betrayal after being love bombed and discarded. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
It wasn’t easy for her , but Sarah felt like she had no choice but to shut herself away or withdraw from the demands and overwhelm - even if that sometimes came from her children. In this episode, Sarah tells what happens in the mind of a avoidant when they are going through their deactivation and what they think during this time. She also shares how she healed after her partner abandoned her and their children, and how she deals with romantic relationships now. I woul...
Very little is more devasting than the condition of being blindsided and betrayed by an avoidant attached persons. Sure they have their reasons but that doesn’t negate the pain their sudden exit cause when we are the ones left behind. In this episode, Sarah (name changed) shares her struggles to get through a breakup (divorce) with her ex and her determination to heal. We can all see ourselves in her story- we feel her pain and we root for her. I would love to hear your ...
You know that you should walk away yet it is so difficult for you to pull the plug on this Relationship. You might’ve even tried to leave in the past but always return to this familiar and uncomfortable place. Why does this happen? In this podcast, we explore our attachment style and how it keeps us stuck in relationships we know we should get out of. We also discuss tools we can use to make letting go easier. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
Imagine craving the warmth of a campfire. You love the light, the comfort, the shared stories. You want to be close enough to feel its heat. But the moment someone says, "Here, tie this rope around your waist and anchor yourself to this log right next to the flames," you panic. The very thing that offered comfort suddenly feels like a trap. The fire hasn't changed; the constraint has. This is the daily reality for many with an avoidant attachment style when they hear the word "commitmen...
Sarah (name changed) has been a relationship with a fearful avoidant for almost a year. All was going well until it got rocky. She now wants to try again but with some boundaries in place. Sarah and I sat down recently to discuss how it could look going forward for her and her partner. Sarah agreed to have this session recorded and aired for the benefit of everyone listening. Remember, as humans, our views and needs differ. Take what you believe would be helpful for your situation...
You hit send. You see the “Delivered” tick turn to “Read.” And then... nothing. The silence is louder than any notification. Your mind starts racing: Are they hurt? Are they ignoring me? Did my message come on too strong? Was it the wrong emoji? Before you spiral into that abyss of overthinking, we want you to hit pause. The reason for that silent phone likely has very little to do with you, and everything to do with their internal wiring- their attachment style. In this episode of Decoding A...
When you're in a relationship shaped by attachment insecurities, the questions are complex, urgent, and deeply personal. In this episode of Decoding Attachment, host Annalisa Bahadur tackles your real-world dilemmas with clarity and compassion, offering actionable strategies for some of the toughest dynamics. We're moving beyond theory and into the trenches to answer your pressing questions, including… “An FA leaning anxious – do we treat them as anxious?” We break down why you don’t ...
Is it okay for your partner to take space and drop off the face of the earth without responding to your texts or calls? Not if you’re in a serious committed relationship. This podcast explains why and what you should do. If you’re avoidant attached and want to know how to ask for space without your partner getting upset- listen to this podcast. Please share this podcast if you found it helpful. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
This episode shares the time line in which the avoidant show interested in the rebound, starts to withdraws and goes back to their ex. The episode talks about why Avoidant Attached jumps into soon after a break up, what their intentions are when returning to and what you can do to prevent yourself from becoming rebound. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
This is what we are talking about today- Why avoidants rush into reboundsThe negative consequences of rebound relationshipsWhether avoidants come back to their exWhat their (often anxious) partners should doHealthier alternatives for avoidantsHow secure individuals handle breakups and reboundsDon’t forget to leave a review so others can know how this episode may help them too. Thanks in advance. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
Setting buddies after giving someone a second chance can feel tricky. We want to let them back into our lives but how do we do it with light lagging them take us for granted again. This podcasts answers that question. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show
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