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Quietly Autistic at Last
A podcast for the women who were always "a little different"—but never had the words for why.
Hosted by Dr. Allison Sucamele, a woman diagnosed with autism later in life, this podcast explores the quiet, often-overlooked experiences of neurodivergent women who spent years—sometimes decades—masked, misunderstood, or misdiagnosed.
Each episode is a gentle unraveling of what it means to be quietly autistic at last: the grief of being missed, the relief of being named, the power of self-recognition, and the beauty of finally feeling seen.
Whether you’re newly diagnosed, self-identifying, or just beginning to wonder… this space is for you. Tender truths, lived stories, unmasking, and self-compassion—one quiet conversation at a time.
26 Episodes
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Send a text In this deeply validating episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores the part of autism meltdowns that is rarely discussed - what happens after the moment has passed. While conversations often focus on triggers and coping strategies, many autistic adults, especially those diagnosed later in life, are left navigating the quieter aftermath alone: exhaustion, brain fog, emotional rawness, shutdown, and lingering shame. Through a compassionate, neuroscience-inf...
Send a text Why can you handle the gym, but not a crowded restaurant, party, or school event? In this episode, Dr. Allison Sucamele gently unpacks a question so many late-diagnosed autistic women carry with confusion and shame: If I can tolerate something intense like the gym, why do crowds elsewhere completely overwhelm me? This conversation reframes that experience through the lens of the nervous system, showing why this isn’t inconsistency or weakness - it’s contextual regulation. You’ll e...
Send us a text So many late-diagnosed autistic women were told they were depressed when what they were actually experiencing was burnout. In this episode, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores why autistic burnout is so often misdiagnosed as depression in women who spent decades masking, overriding their nervous systems, and performing competence at an enormous internal cost. We unpack the critical differences between mood collapse and capacity collapse, why traditional diagnostic frameworks miss aut...
Send us a text Why did so many late-diagnosed autistic women chase intensity when they were younger? In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores the often-unspoken connection between autism, dopamine, masking, trauma overlap, and adrenaline-seeking behavior. From chaotic relationships and high-pressure environments to emotional intensity and living at the edge of burnout, this conversation gently reframes behaviors that were long misunderstood. This episode isn’...
Send us a text Have you ever felt like someone was constantly watching you - hovering, correcting, checking, managing - not because you were doing anything wrong, but because they needed control to feel calm? In today’s episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores what micromanagement does to the autistic brain - and why it can feel so much deeper than “just a tough boss” or “normal feedback.” For autistic women especially - micromanagement can be neurologically de...
Send us a text Have you ever asked for clarification - only to be hit with, “Why are you arguing with me?” If you’re autistic, you may know this moment intimately: you’re not trying to fight, you’re trying to understand. You’re trying to follow the rules, do it right, and make sense of vague language that feels destabilizing to your nervous system. But instead of being met with clarity, you’re met with defensiveness, accusation, and shame. In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we unpac...
Send us a text Dating later in life after a late autism diagnosis is not simply about meeting new people - it’s about meeting yourself with language, context, and long-overdue permission. In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores the often-unspoken realities of dating in midlife for late-identified autistic women. Moving beyond traditional dating narratives, we talk about masking, burnout, nervous system exhaustion, emotional labor, and the profound shift that...
Send us a text What if the problem was never your brain but the environment asking it to pretend? In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we explore why many neurodivergent people thrive in spaces that question tradition rather than worship it. This isn’t about being rebellious or “difficult.” It’s about cognitive integrity, nervous system safety, and a deep need for meaning, ethics, and logic. We unpack how unexamined rules in schools, workplaces, families, and even mental-health spaces...
Send us a text “You’re so high-functioning.” It’s a phrase many late-diagnosed autistic women hear when they finally share their diagnosis - often offered as reassurance, praise, or disbelief. And almost always, it misses the point. In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we unpack why the term high-functioning doesn’t just fall short, it actively obscures the lived reality of autistic women diagnosed later in life. We explore the psychology beneath the label, including masking, nervous ...
Send us a text Spoon Theory is often explained as a simple metaphor for limited energy, but for autistic adults, especially late-identified autistic women, it’s far more than that. In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we slow Spoon Theory down and return it to the body. We explore how spoons actually live in autistic nervous systems through sensory processing, masking, emotional regulation, burnout, predictability, and self-trust. Through an autistic lens, we talk about why exhaustion...
Send us a text Why do the holidays -this supposedly magical, sparkling, joy-filled season - feel so overwhelming, so intense, and so deeply dysregulating? And why do autistic traits seem to get louder, sharper, and more noticeable than ever? If you’ve ever wondered why the holidays don’t feel like the commercials… If you dread the calendar flipping to November… and then December… If you feel like you need a month-long sensory sabbatical once January arrives… You’re not broken. You’re not dram...
Send us a text Today’s episode explores something many late-diagnosed autistic women carry quietly and often alone: the intense stress, dread, and nervous-system-level anxiety that comes with travel, and the fear that rises even when someone else is traveling. Not just “I don’t love airports” discomfort, but the full-body tension that starts weeks before a trip… or the spiraling panic when a partner, child, or loved one gets on a plane and suddenly feels too far away. If travel has ever left ...
Send us a text Being organized doesn’t mean it’s easy to stay organized—and no, that’s not a moral failing. For many autistic women, it’s a neurological reality. In this deeply validating episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we explore what it really means to live in a world that praises “looking put together” while overlooking the invisible labor it takes to maintain that appearance. From executive functioning differences to working memory overload, autistic burnout, masking, and the emotion...
Send us a text Today’s episode explores a topic many of you have been asking for: the difference between asking for accommodations and “making excuses,” why these requests feel so vulnerable for autistic women, and how to finally release the fear of being misunderstood. We talk about the early conditioning that taught so many of us to mask, overachieve, and never “need too much,” and why accommodations can feel like failure even when they’re essential. You’ll also hear how psychology, nervous...
Send us a text This episode is a quiet meditation on change — the kind that doesn’t always feel exciting or triumphant, but necessary. We’ll explore how autistic and sensitive nervous systems experience emotional and seasonal transitions, the neuroscience behind letting go, and the psychology of identity shifts. Drawing from thinkers like Robert Kegan, Brené Brown, Lisa Feldman Barrett, and Stephen Porges, we’ll look at why release often feels like grief before it feels like freedom — and how...
Send us a text This episode isn’t about self-care as an abstract concept — it’s about survival, mental-health preservation, and learning how to exist in your body without constantly falling apart from sensory overload. In “Sensory Sanctuary,” we explore what it truly means to build a sensory-safe life, not just a cozy corner. You’ll learn how sensory stress shows up, how it connects to autistic burnout, and how the nervous system decides what feels safe or threatening. Together, we’ll unpack ...
Send a text For many, Halloween is a night of fun, costumes, and candy. But for late-diagnosed autistic women, it can be something much deeper, and more overwhelming. In this episode, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores why a sensory-heavy, socially-charged holiday can feel so different when your nervous system has spent a lifetime masking and is finally learning to honor itself. We’ll talk about: ✨ The sensory storms of costumes, lights, and noise 🕯️ Reclaiming traditions in a way that feels...
Send us a text “I am speaking on the outside. But I am also narrating, analyzing, and negotiating on the inside. Two tracks. One body. One mind.” Welcome to Quietly Autistic at Last, the space where we stop performing, start understanding, and learn to live by the rhythm of our own nervous systems. I’m your host, Dr. Allison Sucamele. In this episode, we’re diving into something rarely named but deeply lived by many autistic women: the double interior monologue — the layered, structured, and ...
Send us a text Today we’re diving into something many late-identified autistic women know in our bones: when we don’t get real downtime — the kind with true quiet, low demands, and zero masking — our systems don’t just get tired, they get depleted. And here’s the twist: a good night’s sleep or a “catch-up” weekend often doesn’t fix it. In this episode, Dr. Allison Sucamele unpacks why that happens through the lens of autistic burnout, camouflaging, sensory load, monotropism, minority stress, ...
Send us a text Welcome to Quietly Autistic at Last, the space where we stop performing, start understanding, and learn to live by the rhythm of our own nervous systems. I’m your host, Dr. Allison Sucamele. In this episode, we explore a kind of exhaustion many autistic people know too well—a tired that sleep doesn’t fix. Autistic fatigue isn’t about laziness or ordinary burnout; it’s the deep depletion that comes from years of masking, decoding social cues, managing sensory overload, and adapt...
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