Claim OwnershipThe Narcissism Decoder
Subscribed: 36Played: 556
Subscribe
© 2026 The Narcissism Decoder
Description
The Narcissism Decoder is a podcast dedicated to exploring the many dimensions of narcissism through a psychoanalytic lens. Each episode unpacks the intricate factors and behaviors that shape narcissistic traits, offering a deeper understanding of what lies beneath the surface.
Together, we navigate the tools and strategies essential for recognizing, understanding, and effectively engaging with narcissistic individuals. With a blend of compassionate insight, expert guidance, and compelling stories, this podcast aims to transform the way you perceive and approach narcissism.
Subscribe now to ensure you don't miss a single episode of this transformative journey.
131 Episodes
Reverse
In this conversation, Gordon Brewer and I meet up again on his channel to explore what actually creates movement in narcissistic relationships—especially when traditional approaches like arguing, explaining, or “proving your point” only seem to make things worse. We talk about how shifting away from labels and facts toward moment-to-moment process, containment, and curiosity can de-escalate conflict and open space for real change, whether you’re a partner, a therapist, or someone beginning to...
In this behind-the-scenes episode, I take you inside my clinical thinking as I explore how the same behaviors—withdrawal, silence, or disengagement—can signal very different dynamics in narcissistic versus borderline personality organization. You’ll learn how to tell if a person is operating from NPD or BPD, what drives these reactions, and how to recognize the first micro-moment before anger or panic takes over. Whether your noticing these patterns in yourself or a loved one, this episode gi...
In this conversation, Gordon Brewer and I delve into the complexities of narcissistic dynamics in relationships. We explore how these dynamics manifest, the power imbalances involved, and the challenges faced by partners in such relationships. The discussion highlights the importance of empathy, communication, and understanding one's role in the relationship. We also touch on the factors that attract individuals to narcissistic partners and the impact of these relationships on personal identi...
In this behind-the-scenes episode, I take you inside my clinical thinking as I explore what actually drives borderline emotional dysregulation. We look at how failures in internal holding and object constancy lead to external regulation through relationships, why this creates intense relational dynamics marked by rage, splitting, and blame, and how early trauma collapses the past into the present. I close by sharing a clinical stance — how to stay grounded in the person’s lived experience wit...
In this episode, we go deep into the psychological aftermath of narcissistic abuse—where idealization turns into confusion, connection becomes captivity, and the question “Was any of it real?” becomes a crisis of identity. Dr. Kerry and I unravel how trauma bonds form, why they’re so hard to break, and what real healing actually requires once your inner world has been split apart. If you’ve ever felt pulled between the fantasy of who someone could be and the reality of who they are, this conv...
In this behind-the-scenes episode, we explore what “borderline” really means beneath the chaos — diving into object constancy, the fragile inner world shaped by early deprivation, and why emotions can flip so fast. I walk you through how these patterns form, what they look like in real time, and how to understand the deeper psychological needs driving the intense shifts. This is a spontaneous look into my clinical thinking as I connect developmental theory, lived experience, and practical ins...
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Kerry McAvoy—clinician, author, and survivor of a deeply deceptive narcissistic relationship. She takes us inside the psychological pull that kept her bonded to someone who mirrored her idealized longings while exploiting her vulnerabilities. We explore how her early upbringing shaped her ability to overlook red flags and why vulnerability after a profound loss can open the door to predatory narcissistic partners. If you’ve ever wondered how someone ...
In this episode, I take you behind the scenes as I prepare for the class I teach on personality dynamics. Instead of a polished lecture, you’ll hear my real-time thinking — how borderline and narcissistic patterns overlap, where they diverge, and why people in narcissistic relationships so often bump into borderline dynamics without realizing it. This episode gives you a raw look at how I use theory, connect clinical ideas, and make sense of these intense personality styles as I work – and ge...
Why does even gentle feedback feel like an attack? In this episode, we explore how the mind turns ordinary feedback into a perceived assault — and why that reaction exists for a reason. Narcissistic defensiveness isn’t just about arrogance or fragility; it’s a complex system designed to keep you ‘company.’ The very attack that harms also protects — preserving connection with an internalized other, even if that connection is punishing. Through clinical examples, we look at how this dynamic pl...
Have you ever cared deeply for someone who constantly leaves you feeling smaller, unseen, or blamed? In this interview with John Cordray, we look beneath the surface of those relationships — into the emotional patterns that fuel narcissistic dynamics. We unpack why it’s so hard not to react when you’re being judged or attacked, and I even attempt a Coca-Cola analogy to explain it (you’ll have to decide if it works). If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, ...
In this episode, we’re going to pull back the curtain on what actually happens inside you during the holidays — not the surface-level stress you blame, but the internal shifts you feel. We’re going to explore why the season disrupts your psychological balance, why old wounds feel closer to the surface, and why the defenses you rely on all year suddenly stop working. Most importantly, we’ll look at how this exposure — uncomfortable as it is — can reveal something essential about your deeper em...
In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, I share a compelling clip from my conversation with Dr. Kerry, host of Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse. We explore the complex dynamics between narcissistic mothers and their children — is it parasitic, or a painful kind of symbiosis? Dive into the psychodynamic insights behind emotional fusion, people-pleasing, and why breaking free from these relationships can feel so destabilizing. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual t...
In this episode, we continue our conversation with Olivia Atkin as we explore what happens when a family member begins showing narcissistic traits — or even starts dividing the family. Together, we unpack how to recognize these patterns and how to engage someone like this. I share practical strategies to stay grounded, listen with empathy, avoid taking control, resist insisting on your reality, and find your own voice without getting pulled into the chaos. Tune in to discover how understandin...
In this episode, we explore how childhood shame, bullying, and emotional neglect can quietly lay the groundwork for narcissism. Through a heartfelt exchange with Olivia Atkin — who shares a powerful personal story about growing up with a medical diagnosis and being bullied — we unpack how these early wounds shape self-esteem, fuel the need for narcissistic supplies, and lead some people to protect themselves through narcissistic defenses. Then - we take it a step deeper — looking at the real ...
In this episode, we continue our conversation with Deborah from Healing from Toxic Abuse to explore one of the most confusing and painful dynamics in narcissistic relationships—gaslighting. We look at how gaslighting isn’t always as clear-cut as it seems. Sometimes it’s deliberate and controlling, but other times it reflects someone trapped in their own distorted reality, unable to see beyond their perspective. We also talk about how, at times, it’s possible to “sneak around” narcissistic def...
In this episode, we join a conversation with Deborah from Healing from Toxic Abuse right at the moment she expresses surprise that people actually come to therapy identifying as narcissistic—because self-reflection is the very thing they resist. From there, we explore what happens when the illusion of the grandiose self begins to crack, when the fantasies that hold the self together collapse under reality. We look at how narcissistic defenses break down, how modes of repair can become destruc...
Does your partner ever humiliate you in a way that makes you wonder—do they actually enjoy my pain? Have you caught yourself lashing out, withdrawing, or dismissing someone you love… and then regretting it later? Is the cruelty you feel in these moments really about sadism—or could something deeper be going on beneath the surface? In this episode we dive into one of the most painful questions people ask: Why does the narcissist humiliate, devalue, and discard? If you are interested in...
In this episode, we take a deep dive into the psychic world of narcissistic emptiness — why everyday tasks can feel overwhelming, how withdrawal serves as a protective defense, and why shutting down can feel safer than engaging. Tune in to discover how small moments of engagement can be fostered to help shift a life overshadowed by withdrawal toward meaningful connection and authentic presence If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is a...
In this episode we dive into one of the most hidden struggles of healing from narcissism: why success doesn’t always feel like success. What if every new achievement, every step forward, only brings dread instead of relief? Together, we explore the deeper truth behind this paradox—the way grandiose fantasies once acted as armor against unbearable shame, fear of exposure, and early wounds of not being “enough.” Through a powerful clinical example, we uncover the heart of the narcissistic bind:...
In Part 2 of this conversation, we move from identifying narcissistic traits in a boss to navigating the complex relationship without losing yourself. Merry Brown raises the question so many people are afraid to ask: How do I get my narcissistic boss to meet expectations without abandoning my own boundaries and sanity? We explore the importance of mental differentiation and I unpack how narcissistic leaders often draw others into subtle “relational enactments.” If you’ve ever felt pulled in, ...
Comments
Download from Google Play
Download from App Store
United States