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🎙️ The Ben & Jamesa Podcast
Conversations about Compassion, Curiosity, and Courage.
Join Ben and Jamesa as they explore the experiences, perspectives, and challenges that shape who we are and how we relate to one another. Each episode invites you to notice difference, embrace complexity, and build deeper, more inclusive connections — all with warmth, humor, and heart. Start with Episode 163, the first episode in season 10!
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In this episode of the Ben and Jamesa Podcast, we're asking does marriage actually help or harm women? We kick things off with the Dawn Staley and Geno Auriemma. We explore the gray divorce revolution, the "Living Apart Together" movement, Leslie Jones' fiery claim that marriage is "legalized slavery," and the rise of women building their own community housing outside of traditional partnership. Joining Ben and Jamesa is award-winning author and activist Soraya Chemaly. Soraya is an award-win...
What is the secret to human connection? This week, Ben and Jamesa follow that question down a rabbit hole that takes them from a laboratory full of surprisingly affectionate octopuses, to the aging back streets of Japan where a quiet army of women are saving lives one yogurt delivery at a time. They'll get into Jack Harlow's claim that he "got Blacker" and the layers of problematic whiteness that it reveals, and why we all need a daily disobedience practice. Come hang out. Support the show
Ben and Jamesa are joined by author Derrick Barnes to discuss the growing challenges men face in forming deep friendships, the backlash against gentle parenting and what it means for raising children with empathy and courage. We also discuss a recent incident in New York City where a professor’s racist remarks were caught on a hot mic during a school board meeting. Derrick is a New York Times bestselling author and has earned numerous honors, including a Newbery Honor, Caldecott H...
In this season opener of the Ben and Jamesa Podcast, we explore relationships, loneliness, and cultural moments like the Olympics through the lens of compassion, curiosity, and courage. We discuss interracial dating, the challenges of human connection, and what it means to grow and repair in our personal and communal lives. Along the way, we reflect on our own life changes and share what’s coming this season with guests and new conversations. About the Podcast: Ben and Jamesa expl...
In this short end-of-season episode, we share why we’re pausing The Ben and Jamesa Podcast for the rest of 2025—and what it means to winter. We explore the wisdom of slowing down, resting, and syncing with the natural world, especially as we enter a season that asks for softness and recalibration. We also talk about why Americans often do the opposite—speeding up, overcommitting, and pushing through the darkest months of the year—and what it costs us. Expect a beautiful nature fact about how ...
Gratitude isn’t about counting blessings — it’s about remembering the people, systems, and histories that make our lives possible. In this opening episode of our Gratitude Series, Ben and Jamesa reclaim gratitude from individualism and performance, grounding it instead in interdependence, justice, and care. We explore: 🌾 How gratitude became aesthetic and performative — and how to reclaim it as relational and transformative 🥣 What the threat to SNAP benefits reveals about how our ...
Fear isn’t always what it seems. In this episode, we explore real vs. imagined fear, how it shows up in our nervous system, and how identity shapes the fears we live with. Stories from our life in Portugal, recent headlines, and listener letters help guide a conversation on moving from fear to freedom and living more openheartedly. ✨ Practical takeaways for noticing and working with fear in your own life. Support the show
Love isn’t just desire, provision, or possession—yet too often that’s what men are taught to believe. In this episode, we dive into 5 Things Men Don’t Understand About Love, drawing from the wisdom of bell hooks, James Baldwin, and John Makransky. We explore why love requires vulnerability, accountability, and daily practice—and why true love is always liberation, not control. This isn’t about shaming men, but about breaking free from harmful myths and discovering what real, connected love ca...
Control culture is everywhere—at work, in our relationships, even in how we treat ourselves. But what exactly is it, and how does it quietly shape the way we live, lead, and connect with others? In today’s episode, we unpack the hidden ways control culture shows up in our lives and explore what it looks like to move toward connection instead. This is the first step in learning how to build workplaces and communities that thrive on trust, accountability, and real humanity. 🎙️ The Ben and James...
We’re continuing our series on community with a focus on our very first one—family. We’ll dig into the growing trend of adult estrangement, explore 4 common causes that fracture connection within families, and share 6 practical steps to begin rebuilding trust and closeness—no matter how old your children are. → Learn about our coaching: www.benandjamesa.com Support the show
What if our workplaces actually felt like community? In Part 3 of our series on community, we explore how the harmful patterns of whiteness and control show up in our work lives—and what it would take to build something more human. We talk about: 🌱 The 4 pillars of building real community at work 🏢 Examples of companies that run without bosses or hierarchy (yes, really) 🌲 Tree communities that pass down trauma wisdom across generations 🇵🇹 Honest reflections on parenting, Portuga...
In Part Two of Community as an Antidote to Whiteness, we name five common ways people unintentionally sabotage the very thing they say they want: community. From profit-chasing to power-seeking, avoidance of vulnerability to lack of accountability—and one surprise obstacle—we unpack how these patterns show up, why they’re rooted in whiteness and control culture, and what it takes to do something different. We also share a mushroom fact about root entanglement, reflect on our first year living...
What even is community—and how have whiteness and capitalism distorted our understanding of it? In this first episode of our new series, we explore how community has been replaced by performance, productivity, and transactions—and what it means to reclaim it as our birthright. From Trevor Noah’s critique of “buying” connection to our own stories of belonging and rupture, we’re asking the big question: You can’t build what you haven’t defined. So how do we begin? Support the show
This week on The Ben and Jamesa Podcast, we’re talking about what happens when some of America’s brightest minds decide they’ve had enough—and leave. We’re exploring the growing wave of academics and thinkers moving abroad, why it’s happening, and what it says about connection, control, and culture. We also share a few updates from our lives in Portugal, a new mushroom fact, and our recent brushes with stardom—from thoughtful conversations to unexpected spotlights. Let’s get into it. Support ...
This Fourth of July, we’re unpacking the irony of a holiday built on freedom—while whiteness continues to rely on control. We explore how white people can move from control to connection using our CACTI model: Compassion, Accountability, Curiosity, Transparency, and Insight. Real freedom doesn’t come from dominance—it comes from unlearning. We’re also talking about tree shyness—yes, it’s a real thing—and the wild experience of watching airplanes land at Madeira’s famously intense airport. Com...
This week, we explore how violence—whether in relationships, policing, or foreign policy—is normalized and often celebrated in white American culture. Drawing from our experience in domestic violence work, we unpack how control, blame, and force show up not just interpersonally but systemically. We also respond to a listener’s discomfort with the idea of Black joy, revealing how even joy can be seen as a threat within a culture built on control. Plus: a São João festival story and a sleepy fu...
In this episode, we dig into the discomfort, resentment, and backlash that often show up when Black joy takes center stage—especially around holidays like Juneteenth. We explore why white supremacy depends on Black suffering, how joy becomes an act of resistance, and what it reveals about white identity when that joy is met with hostility. Jamesa shares personal stories, we unpack current headlines, and yes—there’s even a mushroom fact. Support the show
This week, we’re joined by the brilliant Eckoes, creator behind one of our favorite social media accounts, Shit I Have a Problem With. We get into what it actually means to have a problem with something — and how to do it in a way that doesn’t just center your ego or shut the whole thing down. We talk about why discomfort isn’t the enemy, how calling something out can still leave room for connection, and why the goal isn’t to always be agreeable — it’s to be real. We also reflect on Portugal’...
In this episode, we dive into the four F’s—Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn—and how these survival responses can derail us from doing the right thing, especially in moments that call for courage, clarity, or connection. We unpack how these patterns show up in leadership, relationships, and everyday life—and share practical ways to navigate them more effectively. And of course, we sprinkle in real stories from our life here in Portugal—because healing and humor go hand in hand. Support the show
What do phrases like “pro-life,” “law and order,” and “family values” have in common? They sound virtuous—but they’re often just control, dressed up as morality. In this episode, Ben and Jamesa—coming to you from our life here in Portugal—unpack how language that sounds good on the surface can actually be a tool for domination, silence, and harm. We explore how these phrases shape everything from public policy to workplace culture, and how control often hides behind ideas that seem unassailab...
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