Claim OwnershipThe Beaverton Weekly Report
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Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles an all-star Panel of comedians to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts their knowledge of the news to the test in a very important quiz where the stakes couldn't be lower. The Beaverton Weekly Report is a hilarious look at what's going on in the world around us. It's just like watching CNN, only funnier and with fewer erectile dysfunction ads.
77 Episodes
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Ain't no party like a Poilievre Party because a Poilievre Party will threaten you behind closed doors if you don't support him! Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay, and Ian MacIntyre) talk Pierre Poilievre's completely unexpected leadership review victory, the latest round of Epstein nightmares, and what exactly Mark Carney is trying to do with your grocery bill. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discusses... something... with Bonhomme. Just, listen to it. If you'd like an Extended Cut version that also dives into B.C. premier David Eby's treason accusations against Alberta Separatists, check us out on Patreon!
"Carney should just spray him with a water bottle, like a cat." Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood and Ian MacIntyre) are joined by Edmonton's own Henry Sir (Current Events Chirped by a Canadian) for a live podcast taping, as part of the Winterruption Festival. Live on stage in front of a sold out crowd we talk Carney's two speeches last week, Trump backing down on Greenland, and U.S. interest in Alberta independence. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz tests our panel's knowledge of abandoned Newfoundland fish sauce plants. If you'd like an Extended Cut version that includes the live Beaverton newsdesk segment, check us out on Patreon.
"We shouldn't have sent all our draft picks to China!" Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Nile Seguin and Megan MacKay) talk Carney's global trade tour and shockingly honest World Economic Forum Speech, Trump upping the pressure on a Greenland acquisition and Poilievre searching for a new riding to run in (again). Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the most offensive Board Game ever created. If you'd like an Extended Cut verion that also breaks down Francois Legault's resignation as Quebec Premier, check us out on Patreon.
"No literacy test, as long as you're thin skinned enough!" Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk about the horrific ICE shooting of Renee Good, Mark Carney's trade visit to China, the protests in Iran, and Trump's obsession with interest rates. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz reveals why you should never plug a bullet hole with a butt plug. If you'd like an Extended Cut version that also talks about the cultural phenomenon that is Heated Rivalry, check us out on Patreon.
It's always been oil. It'll always be oil. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) dive into the chaos and confusion of Trump's decision to attack Venezuela and kidnap its leader, including the "problematic" legal precedent it sets, what it means for other countries subject to the Donroe Doctrine, and Canada really setting a new bar for the word milquetoast with their response. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the most cartoonish way to fix climate change. If you'd like an Extended Cut version that also covers Chrystia Freeland accepting a job working for Ukraine while still serving as a Canadian MP, check us out on Patreon.
Hit the bricks, you stupid year! Ian and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, and in the guest chair for the first time, Luke Gordon Field) discuss the top 5 stories of the year, plus stories that didn't get enough attention (remember when Doug Ford was gonna cut off the US's electricity?) Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz tests how well our panel remembers this truly bullshit past 12 months. If you would like an extended cut version of this episode that where we share 2026 predictions from our panel and Patreon supporters, check us out on our Patreon.
"Also, some socks please." Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Clare Blackwood) talk the Liberals' scheme to get Conservative MPs to cross floor, Poilievre's disastrous CBC interview, and the immediate politicization of the weekend's tragedies. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the worst reason to get fired from your job. If you'd like an Extended Cut that unpacks the chaos unfolding in the OneBC party, check us out on Patreon.
"Netflix buying Warner Brothers would be absolutely terrible, and the way better than Paramount buying them!" Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) talk the Conservative's "trap" motion on the pipeline, the Liberals' struggles to pass their anti-hate crime law and the fight to buy Warner Brothers. Then The Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers there are two ways to steal a Faberge Egg. If you'd like an Extended Cut version of this podcast that also gets into the eventually successful efforts to oust BC Conservative leader John Rustad, check us out on Patreon.
"I'll just hang out with my new friends: bitumen and petroleum." Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk about the fallout from the Pipeline MOU for Carney and Smith, Pete Hegseth's war on narco smugglers/human decency and Quebec hitting the racism disguised as secularism button again. Then The Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz reveals the most cinematic way to commit pension fraud. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode that also explores the wild and wicked story of Ryan James Wedding, check us out on Patreon.
"I hope Smith didn't notice I had the fingers on my other hand crossed." Luke and the Panel (Megan MacKay, Clare Blackwood and Ian MacIntyre) talk about Carney and Smith coming to an "understanding" on pipelines, the tall task facing Poilievre's new campaign manager and the impossible position Trump has put Zelensky in. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers why porn is about to get a little less Canadian. If you'd like an extended version that also talks about Doug Ford's war on tenant's rights, check us out on Patreon
"We're off to see the Epstein File!" Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Nile Seguin and Megan MacKay) talk about the Liberals (barely) passing their budget, the Conservatives new 'hide behind the curtain' voting strategy, and Donald Trump's Epstein problem getting worse by the day. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz reveals just what smug Toronto assholes we are. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode that talks about the latest in the Trade War, check us out on Patreon.
"When your job is politics, you shouldn't be so bad at politics" Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Nile Seguin) delight in the chaos consuming the Conservative Party, wonder why the Democrats are incapable of not shitting the bed, and try to understand the government's plan to put 300,000 civil servants in the armed forces. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers just how easy international art heists are. If you'd like an extended cut episode that dives into the chaos and absurdities of the 'Save The Ostriches' movement in B.C., check us out on Patreon.
"It's a generational budget. And the next generation will pay for it!" Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) dive into the details of Mark Carney's budget, speculate on the politics of getting it passed, debate Carney's cozying up to China and pour one out for our beloved Blue Jays. Then The Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz proves that we don't know what a double entendre is. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode that talks about Alberta's use of s. 33 to order the teachers back to work and the recall attempts it has brought about, check us out on Patreon.
Trick or Treat or Definitely Trick!!! Just in time for Spooky Season Doug Ford is back to wreak havoc! Guest Host Ian and the Panel (Clare Blackwood and Andrew Ivimey) discuss the Ronald Reagan ad that pissed off Trump, how Ontario rent control got saved (for now), and catch up on Newfoundland politics. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz hits the mean streets with Toronto grocery store cashiers. If you'd like an Extended Cut version that also talks about sports betting and the recent NBA scandal, check us out on Patreon!
We discuss the most exciting news on every Canadian's mind this week - Bail Reform! Guest Host Ian and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, and Craig Fay) discuss the why we Canadians barely know anything about bail, AI datacentres coming for all our water, and what's good in Saskatchewan. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz uncovers the best household item to fix your Honda Civic with. If you'd like an Extended Cut version that also talks about the Justin Trudeau smooching Katy Perry, check us out on Patreon.
We tried. We really tried. Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Nile Seguin and Craig Fay) discuss the reasons to be optimistic about the Ceasefire Deal, and the many many reasons for pessimism, Trump's proclamation of a New Dawn in the Middle East, and the Conservatives attacking birthright citizenship. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers with a B&E&BM is. If you'd like an Extended Cut version that also talks about the NDP leadership race check us out on Patreon. And if you'd like to help Nile in his campaign to nationalize one billionaire every year, you can do so here: https://www.nileseguin.com/about-1-1
Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Megan MacKay and Nile Seguin) break down the suspiciously positive Trump-Carney meeting, Danielle Smith's latest pipeline gambit, and Alberta's teacher strike. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers where the Ford Cabinet Members were rushing off to when they racked up all those Speed Camera violations. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode that also talks about the disturbing rise of residential school denialism in Canada, check us out on Patreon.
Hopefully the Jays deliver, because Canada Post won't. Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay) talk about Trump's 20 point plan to end the war in Gaza, Mark Carney's plan to end Canada Post, and the Toronto Blue Jays' plan to end the Yankees. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the sinister criminal conspiracy to steal apples from local orchards. If you'd like an extended cut of this episode that also talks about Doug Ford's crackdown on speed cameras check us out on Patreon.
"The best way to fight fascism is with money, everyone knows that." Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Megan MacKay and special guest Brandon Hackett) talk about Jimmy Kimmel's absurd suspension, wonder how anyone could be mad at Canada recognizing the State of Palestine and are shocked (SHOCKED WE SAY) by a Liberal Minister's admission that the Party does somethings just to help with their electoral chances in Quebec. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the sexiest way to commit grand larceny. If you'd like an extended cut of this episode that also talks about the latest developments with the Notwithstanding Clause check us out on Patreon.
We're back baby! And so is Parliament but who cares about that. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood, Nile Seguin) talk about Poilievre v. Carney Round 2, the Right's attempt to punish anyone who acknowledges Charlie Kirk was not a saint, and what demands we would have made to MLSE in 2019 if we were Kawhi Leonard. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the worst scenario to get caught using AI. If you'd like an extended cut of this episode that also talks about the amazing/crazy developments in Nepal check us out on Patreon.
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elbows up is a defensive stance. we cant make a deal with a mad man that wants to take us over no matter how you try. so Carney is being defensive with usa but offensive by making deals with other countries. criticizing gets you nowhere. be civil til CUSMA gets kaiboshed.