Claim OwnershipSoft Rebellion
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Soft Rebellion is where I talk about what it means to live, lead, and love differently. Join me, Zintathu Mazamane, as I shares personal experiences and meaningful conversations about identity, growth, and the kind of strength that doesn’t have to shout. It’s about breaking negative patterns, finding softness in hard places, and creating space for more honest and joyous ways of being.
23 Episodes
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Saying that the world is doomed feels like an understatement. I am very concerned by recent events/ revelations regarding the Epstein files, and the lengths those in authority have gone to protect the elite and most powerful members of society. Knowing that we live in a world that breeds babies for torture and subsequent consumption of their flesh and blood makes me feel like any attempt to be a decent human are futile . What is the point when such people go unpunished? When these are entrusted to make decisions for us all? When decisions made by those in power across all spheres seem committed to our collective doom, without our consent in the matter. I feel paralysed by the weight of it all, and helpless to what appears to be inevitable. But today I am reminded that small consistent actions of rebellion can grow into tremors of impact in people’s lives. Although it may appear insignificant and minute, our agency over what is within our control matters and we can exercise that agency is soon and as often as possible. I am the living proof of this.
I believe in checking in with myself to interrogate what I truly think and believe about life, who I want to be and how I’ll go about achieving that. This is especially important in a world that’s constantly field with inputs of other people’s thoughts and opinions, and a sensory overload that never gives us as a moment to breath. I’d even say that we’ve become so addicted to constantly filling space with noise that we can no longer sit still in silence without something to distract us in the background. I am concerned about this, and I ask that you take a moment to gradually remove these distractions so that you can listen to yourself more, and hear what you truly want, hope for and figure out how you’ll achieve it without operating on autopilot,
This episode was all over the place because I felt so much relief in the day I recorded it. I had just finished a difficult conversation with a friend, in which I had been the aggressor. Now I’m not used to being on that side and it was very uncomfortable. But she showed me so much grace, and also highlighted some of my blind spots that I hadn’t been aware of before.The entire conversation was eliminating. But my favourite part about it was how loving and kind the interaction was despite the difficulty and discomfort of the conversation. It truly became a blue print for how I wish to navigate conflict going forward. What is clear to me is that there was no room for ego, blame and defensiveness. We both spoke honestly and openly, taking accountability and apologised sincerely! This really was evidence that I’m not difficult to love. That what I want in a partner is possible because my friend modelled it to me.
I felt like I hadn’t finished the first episode and still had more to add, and this episode really closes that unfinished loop. I really think this is why I’ve decided to stop saving everyone and instead be selfish about taking care of myself first!
Recording this episode was really difficult because it’s more personal and sensitive than anything I’ve ever shared publicly. Deciding whether to post it was even harder. I know that by sharing it, I’m opening myself up to scrutiny, and I don’t want to be defined by this story, or for people to assume it explains or justifies who I am and how I show up on social media.But I shared it anyway because I am not a single story. I am not the sum of my negative experiences. I exist despite them. Still, I can’t ignore the fact that the way my friends showed up for me, and quite literally saved me during that time, shaped how I show up in friendships now.Somewhere along the way, I became a kind of saviour. And sometimes that role isn’t warranted but it's my own projection. So I’m choosing to step back and be more selfish. To trust that my friends are smart, decisive adults who can save themselves from potentially unpleasant situations. They don’t need me to project my past onto their lives, and they certainly don’t need me to save them.
The lessons are simple. We must always communicate effectively, honestly snd lovingly even when it’s hard. Otherwise if we avoid the discomfort of a difficult conversation, we choose the pain of losing that relationship and the latter is far worse. It is also very important to be selfish sometimes and put ourselves first, especially if one is a people pleaser, which I am recovering from. Being selfish from time to time will prevent moments of extremes - being extremely selfish, which may leave you depleted and is a betray of self, or being extremely selfish and mean which no one should ever tolerate.
This episode is my reaction in real time to what felt like another friendship breakup. When I recorded this, everything was still very raw and honestly really painful. Since then, my friend and I have spoken, and I don’t feel exactly the same way anymore. There might still be a chance for the friendship, even though some real damage has been done.I’ll come back with more honest reflections after that conversation and once I’ve had more time to sit with my thoughts. But I wanted to share this moment as it was, because the pain took me straight back to the first friendship breakup I ever went through, which hurt more than any breakup with a boyfriend. I guess this is just the cost of loving people deeply, and letting yourself be loved too.
I feel like I spend a lot of time thinking about romantic relationships yet I don’t even have one. I also wonder if people in relationships also spend as much time thinking about it. I wish I could free up my mental retail space and instead focus on things that are more productive and meaningful. Perhaps my decision to accept that I may not find what I look for will finally free me from thinking about this so much.
I truly believe that our desires for partnership do not erase or replace the work we do to love ourselves and invest in other relationships in our lives, either with friends, families and or colleagues. All of these relationships have a place in our lives, just as romantic relationships have one too. I also believe that loving myself cannot replace the love and compassion I hope for from a romantic partner. I hope society didn’t shame us for expressing this desire, one most share but are too afraid to speak openly about.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how many of us feel stuck in situations we no longer want to be in - whether it’s a job we don’t enjoy, a weight that leaves us unhappy and unwell, or even a relationship that no longer feels right. That feeling shows up differently for all of us.This morning, I woke up feeling awful. I was mentally drained and physically tired. And I knew the only thing that could shift my state was movement - going outside and taking a walk. Still, I debated with myself whether I could feel better by sleeping some more or by taking action, a movement choosing change. It would have been easier to stay in bed, even when I din't feel good. It was up to me to choose the kind of discomfort that would lead to the outcome I truly desired. Someone once said, change only happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. I hope this episode encourages you to take that first step, chomis whatever that looks like for you, and to start moving towards your happier, and healthier self because happiness is on the other side of the action you're avoiding.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I need to be more guarded in how I interact with people on social media. As someone who naturally loves to connect, share and be open about my life experiences, this shift hasn’t been easy. But recently, that openness has left me vulnerable to people who might not have good intentions.I’m also noticing how old insecurities from past friendship breakups are resurfacing, sometimes, in ways that leave me at a disadvantage. I’m learning, painfully, that I can’t always read people as clearly as I think or want to, despite the effort or intuition I bring to interactions. It sucks, and there’s definitely a tinge of hurt and betrayal. But there’s also guilt about trusting naively. This episode is honestly a real time venting session for me. I hope it gives you freedom to feel your complex emotions about your situations.
I hope this episode will not get me excommunicated by the only present parent I have left, and I hope she knows that assertions here do not include her for the most part. But man, parents do the most😂. How did we ever think they’re perfect? And no, this is not intended to throw shade but to liberate ourselves from the expectations we try to live up to. It is meant to free us, and for us to live for ourselves and our own approval as opposed to that of our families.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I questioned myself before posting it. But man it’s been tugging at my heartstrings and I need to let it out. How do y’all navigate relationships or lack thereof with your present-absent dads? Do you ever think about what grief would look like for you when they’re gone, even though they’ve never really been involved as a parent in your life? I find myself thinking about this a lot lately, and the sense of abandonment I feel because of it. I can no longer blame my dad anymore because I’m a grown up. I have to make my own decisions now and I only hope that it’s ones I can live with later in life.I may have regrets about sharing something so personal about my dad but I know it will liberate me from the grief I carry, even though he’s still alive. I don’t hope for amends really - I think we may be long past that. This time, it’s my decision too and I hope when the time comes for my reckoning, I will be able to live with my choices.
This is more of a philosophical line of thinking and it might not reasonate with you guys. But I find myself thinking about the scramble for our attention, and wondering how much of our thoughts, dreams and desires are shaped by someone else’s agenda. How much of life do we miss out on by falling into the trap of social media doom scrolling, the societal norms and standards. I often fantasise that living outside the physical body would open us up to so much more of the world. If we invested time in our spiritual selves as we do our physical lives. I’m not sure what that looks like yet but I do know that religion has nothing to do with it, and more to do perhaps with disconnecting from the constant input of other people’s information.
I came across this morning and it states the following: Loneliness does not come having no people, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to one’s self. This quote truly captured the essence of this episode and some of the observations I’ve made. It also made sense to me why men would struggle with loneliness given the inability to express themselves emotionally and to communicate their needs. I am so fortunate that I’m surrounded by friends who meet my needs and in the process, have become my own family.
I faced serious backlash when I first expressed this concerned, and yet the divide seems to be broadening. We’re so far apart as men and women. I’m afraid we won’t find a middle ground for us to coexist harmoniously, come together to build families and preserve our legacies. I know I’m catastrophising but, we might be headed for a very slow but surely slippery slope if nothing changes. Despite the dire circumstances and outlook, I remain hopeful that we will find our way back to each other.
I did not expect that my journey to finding love would be so controversial and alienate me from either side. I always knew that it wouldn’t be popular with the more conservative group - nothing about my self expression is. But I was equally surprised when someone of the feminist women I know and look up to expressed disappointment in me. Nonetheless, this is my journey and truth, and I choose to live it. I know that romantic relationships have been a graveyard for powerful women but I still choose to pursue them with hopes that I’ll cultivate a fulfilling partnership, and that opening up about the process will keep me honest.
My friend says I do vulnerability very well, but honestly, I only do it once I’ve survived the storm. In the moment, I still disappear and try to fix myself alone. As I get older, I’m realising that the isolation feels like double punishment.As a result, I’m learning to let my people in even when I don’t feel like my best self, trusting that I’m not a burden and that they don’t only love me when I’m rainbows and sunshine. If, like me, you’re always the strong friend, sister, daughter or partner, this episode is for you. I hope you’ll start to allow others to hold when you hurt.
I think that sometimes we mistake fear for a stop sign or a warning that something is wrong. That we aren’t ready. But I think fear is a signal that something really matters to us. It’s the tension that comes with wanting something deeply enough that the thought of failing feels unbearable. In this episode, I hope to remind you that fear isn’t always a reason to stop. Sometimes, we must see it as an invitation to push forward and do the thing anyway.
It’s so important for me that we become active participants in creating the type of relationships we want. Often times, we place the blame on others while failing to see our shortcomings. I hope this episode helps you reflect in how you’ve been showing up for the people around you, and see if there’s any areas of improvement.
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