Get Your Marriage On! with Dan Purcell

Have you ever worked so hard to fix a problem in your marriage, only to find yourself right back in the same place weeks later? Most couples don't struggle because they aren't trying. They struggle because they're putting a lot of effort into changes that can't create lasting results. In this episode, Dan explains what it actually means to work smarter on your marriage, not harder. Drawing from systems theory, personal experience, and real coaching stories, he shows why some changes help temporarily while others lead to real, lasting transformation. He breaks down the difference between first-order change (doing more or less of the same things) and second-order change (upgrading the rules your relationship is operating on). You'll learn how to recognize when you're stuck in surface-level fixes, how to identify the unspoken "rules" your marriage is operating by, and what it looks like to make changes at the level that truly creates growth—especially around intimacy, desire differences, and recurring conflict. Resources  Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge coming up!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/    

What if ADHD isn't a bug in your marriage — but a feature? In this episode of the Get Your Marriage On Podcast, I sit down with Kamden Hainsworth, an ADHD coach and host of the Busy Brained Saint, to unpack how ADHD uniquely impacts desire, intimacy, novelty, rejection sensitivity, and emotional regulation in marriage. Kamden shares her mid-life burn out, late ADHD diagnosis, and how understanding her brain completely transformed her marriage and sex life. Together, they explore why ADHD can amplify desire differences, why boredom feels unbearable in intimacy, how rejection sensitivity dysphoria shows up in sex, and how novelty can be a powerful connector (when done with trust and communication). Whether you're the ADHD partner or married to one, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and practical insight into building a more playful, honest, and deeply connected sexual relationship. Resources  101 Ways to Initiate Sex The Sexploration List Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Men's Only and Women's Only Cohorts (starting this week): https://getyourmarriageon.com/events/ Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge coming up!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Guest Links Kamden ADHD coaching Instagram: @kamden_adhd @thebusybrainedsaint   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

What's the difference between pursuing your spouse and pressuring them, and why does it matter so much for desire, attraction, and connection? In this episode, Dan joins Sean on the Dad Improvement Podcast for an honest conversation about what actually creates passion in marriage, and what quietly kills it.  You'll hear why emotional connection must come before sexual connection, how pressure can either destroy attraction or build it (depending on how it's expressed), and why pretending everything is fine does more damage than honesty ever could. This episode is especially for husbands who want more intimacy but don't want to become needy, entitled, or emotionally disconnected in the process — and for couples navigating desire differences without resentment. Stick around to the end, because now it's time for Dan to share his black belt sex tip! Resources and Events Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's Only and Women's Only Cohorts (starting end of January): https://getyourmarriageon.com/events/ Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026   

What happens when you're having sex regularly—but it still feels empty? In this episode, Roberth and Laticia share their honest journey through desire differences, duty sex, resentment, and the painful belief that something must be wrong with one (or both) of them. Around the 10-year mark in their marriage, sex turned into a power struggle: Roberth wanted more, and Laticia felt like she could never be enough. Therapy didn't bring clarity—it left them feeling even more stuck. They eventually discovered that the problem wasn't lack of effort or attraction. They were missing skills—like understanding pleasure, learning about female anatomy, making space for emotional connection, and recognizing the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire. They also learned how often sex had become a way to manage each other's emotions instead of a place for true connection. You'll hear the breakthroughs that helped them move from "empty sex" to a more connected, confident, and collaborative intimate relationship, plus practical language for couples who feel stuck in the same cycle. If you've ever thought, "Why does this still feel disconnected?" or "Am I broken for not wanting sex more?" this conversation will give you hope and a clearer next step forward. Resources Mentioned in the Episode Come As You Are Becoming Cliterate Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Men's Only and Women's Only Cohorts (starting in January): https://getyourmarriageon.com/events/ Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/

What separates good intimacy from exceptional intimacy? In this special year-end compilation, we round up the most powerful "Black Belt" sex and intimacy tips of 2025, the next-level insights that don't come from technique alone, but from presence, awareness, confidence, communication, and desire. Featuring clips from some of the most impactful guests of the year, this episode explores how slowing down, tuning into your body, cultivating emotional safety, embracing confidence, and deepening awareness can transform your sexual connection. Whether you're looking for practical ideas or profound mindset shifts, this episode invites you to go deeper, with yourself and your spouse. Resources and Events Apply for the Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026  Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's and Women's Only Cohorts starting in January!    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

If you've ever felt not good enough, feared rejection, or found yourself reacting in ways you don't even understand, this episode is for you. Marriage & family therapist Trevor (Art of Healing by Trevor) explains why so many couples get stuck in cycles of pursuit, shutdown, anxiety, and disconnection — and the emotional transformation required to break free. This conversation is raw, restorative, and deeply practical. In this episode you'll learn: Why fear of abandonment and "I'm not enough" beliefs show up in marriage The two classic patterns: people-pleasing pursuer + shut-down withdrawer How emotional safety outside the bedroom changes intimacy inside it How to work with your inner child to create real healing A step-by-step framework for emotional transformation How secure partners show up differently in sex, connection, and conflict Why awareness alone isn't enough — and what actually creates change Guest Links Instagram: @theartofhealingbytrevor Website: theartofhealingbytrevor.com Resources and Events Apply for the Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026  Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's and Women's Only Cohorts starting in January!    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

What if one photo session could shift the way you see your body and the way you show up in your marriage? Today's guest, Lindsey of Beloved by Lindsey, is a boudoir photographer who helps women confront insecurities, dismantle shame, and increase their confidence, spirituality, and body image. In this episode you'll learn: How a conservative Southern Baptist girl unexpectedly became a boudoir photographer Why boudoir isn't vain or pornographic The transformation women experience when they finally see what their spouse sees How increasing self-confidence affects your marriage What happens in a boudoir session How to break the generational negative self-talk cycle A powerful technique for body-neutrality and self-acceptance Tips for husbands who want to suggest boudoir to their wives Lindsey's "black belt sex tip" for deeper intimacy and better communication*   We're so excited to have Lindsey join us on our upcoming cruise as our in-house (in-boat?) boudoir photographer! It's optional, but included in the total price of your cruise. You get to take away a fabulous momento from your sexy and intimate getaway! Apply to join us: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ *If you'd like some questions to ask your spouse (like Lindsey's tip), check out this post with 29 spicy questions!   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Can "being good" actually get in the way of good sex? If you have spent your life "trying to be good," but still struggle to create a deep intimate connection with your spouse, you're not alone. In this episode, we talk about how to move beyond "good-boy/good-girl syndrome" and into the inherent goodness God designed in sexuality. If you grew up believing that sexual thoughts or desires were dangerous, shameful, or spiritually risky, this episode will help you see your sexuality through an entirely new lens—one grounded in joy, creativity, emotional connection, and spiritual maturity. You'll learn: Why chastity and fidelity aren't restrictions—they're keys to true sexual freedom How your motivation for sex changes when obligation is removed Why the "dirty" parts of sex might be the very things that sanctify your marriage How embracing paradox and playfulness makes intimacy deeper and more meaningful This is an episode for every couple longing to move from anxiety-driven sex to soul-expanding intimacy. Resources and Events: Apply for the Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026  Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's and Women's Only Cohorts starting in January! Stand by for more information coming soon!

Purchasing and wearing lingerie can often be surrounded by comparison, insecurity, and pressure, but it doesn't have to be! In this episode, Melina Weekes of Dainty Lace shares how fabrics, colors, mindset, and small daily practices can help women feel genuinely beautiful and confident in their own skin. Whether you're brand-new to lingerie or wanting to rekindle confidence in your marriage, this episode offers practical, uplifting guidance rooted in self-worth and connection. In this episode, we cover: How comparison keeps women (and men) stuck  The way different fabrics influence how you feel and why that matters in intimacy How to discover your color season and why the right tones instantly boost confidence Why lingerie isn't "just for the wedding night" How Christian women can reclaim confidence without compromising values Lingerie shopping as a husband Melina's surprising "black belt sex tip" (hint: it involves cowboys 😉) Learn more about Dainty Lace: Website: Daintylace.com Instagram: @dainty.lace.confidence   Resources and Events: Apply for the next Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026  Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's and Women's Only Cohorts starting in January! Stand by for more information coming soon! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Most couples think intimacy is about communication or affection, but there are actually two different types of intimacy operating beneath the surface of every marriage. Chances are, you've only been using one of them… and it's the one that keeps you stuck. In this episode, we break down the difference between other-validated intimacy and self-validated intimacy, and why shifting what type you develop can change everything about how you talk, connect, and experience sex in your marriage. In this episode, we cover: What the two types of intimacy actually are Why one leads to emotional gridlock Why the other opens the door to deeper connection How validation (or lack of it) affects both emotional and sexual intimacy Real-life examples from couples who transformed their connection The spiritual root of self-validated intimacy How your emotional reactivity is shaping your marriage Five practical ways to build self-validated intimacy today If you've ever wanted deeper conversation, more ease, or a more meaningful sexual connection, this episode will feel like a breath of fresh air. Resources and Events: Apply for the next Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026  Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's and Women's Only Cohorts starting in January! Stand by for more information coming soon!

In today's episode, Dr. Corey Allen joins us for a deep dive into fictional, but incredibly common, marriage scenarios that reveal surprising truths about desire, conflict, and emotional maturity. We explore how sexual and relational struggles aren't mistakes—they are intentional invitations to grow up, become more courageous, and see our spouse more clearly. In this episode, we cover: Why sexual struggles are built into the work of marriage How meanings—not the issue itself—drive most conflicts How to own your part in the marriage Why many husbands unconsciously hedge their investment The danger of "minimum requirement" sex What real married love is What is actually better than "being happy" in marriage If you're ready to see your marriage challenges from a whole new angle, this episode will change the way you think about intimacy and growth and the purpose of marriage.  Links Mentioned: Apply for the next Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program Learn more about Dr. Corey Allen: SMR.fm (Sexy Marriage Radio) Events: In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.  

Money and intimacy have more in common than most couples realize. In this episode, we sit down with financial coach Dan Ockey to talk about financial intimacy — how the way you manage money together reflects the way you handle trust, communication, and teamwork in every other area of your marriage (yes, even the bedroom). You'll hear Dan Ockey's incredible story of turning debt, secrecy, and shame into a story of honesty, unity, and freedom — and how money challenges can actually strengthen your relationship if you face them together. In this episode: How financial habits mirror sexual habits in marriage Why secrecy and pride around money create the same distance as sexual disconnection Simple mindset shifts that restore trust and teamwork If you've ever argued about money, felt shame around spending, or struggled to get on the same page with your spouse — this episode will help you see finances not as a source of stress, but as a powerful tool for connection and intimacy. 👉 Learn more about Dan Oakey and Sensei Financial at www.centseifinance.com 👉 Apply for the Get Your Marriage On! coaching program at getyourmarriageon.com/program   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Welcome to Part 2 of this special series on keeping your penis — and your marriage — healthy and happy. In this follow-up episode, we the practical side of sexual health: testosterone, nutrition, porn use, sleep, and yes… penis size. (Spoiler: your wife does care about your size, but it might not be in the area that you think.) You'll learn: The truth about testosterone and how to boost it naturally The best foods for stronger erections How porn impacts sexual performance and confidence What's actually normal when it comes to size What your penis does while you sleep We hope you benefit as we throw a little humor in with the science and practical wisdom to help you stay healthy, confident, and connected for years to come. 💡 Want help creating a more fulfilling sex life with your spouse? Check out our coaching program: getyourmarriageon.com/program

Let's talk about one of God's most incredible and misunderstood designs — the penis. In this episode (part one of two) we dive into the fascinating science behind erections — what makes them work, what shuts them down, and what you can do to keep things running at full power. From brain chemistry to heart health, this episode will change how you think about arousal, masculinity, and pleasure in marriage. It's science, humor, and hope — all rolled into one episode that'll help you appreciate just how wonderfully (and hilariously) you're made. And don't miss part two where we tackle testosterone, penis size, and porn. This episode was inspired in part by The Penis Book by Dr. Aaron Spitz 💡 Want to improve connection and sexual confidence in your marriage? Visit getyourmarriageon.com/program

What happens when your marriage feels impossible to sustain—but you believe God still has a plan? In this powerful episode, we sit down with author and speaker Laurie Krieg, who shares her story of navigating a mixed-orientation marriage, wrestling with faith, desire, trauma, and the transformation that followed. In this episode, we cover: Laurie's honest story of same-sex attraction and her decision to marry a man What it means to trust God when your marriage feels "impossible" Trauma, Jesus, and the healing process Practical ways to love your spouse through pain What Christians can do better to love and support LGBTQ+ individuals and families This episode will stretch your compassion, deepen your faith, and remind you that every marriage—no matter the struggle—can be a place of redemption and growth.   Resources: 👉 Get our free training about how to get your marriage unstuck. 👉 Apply for our amazing couples retreat coming up in the spring! 👉 And join our free private facebook group, Christian Couples Improving Sex & Intimacy   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this special Q&A episode, we answer five anonymous listener questions about the most common struggles couples face in their intimate lives. Topics we cover:  Healthy, uplifting alternatives to pornography for erotic inspiration Why some men struggle to orgasm from oral sex — and what helps Balancing strong sexual desire with your relationship with God How to get on the same page when you and your spouse want sex differently What to do when your own sexual desire feels low or disappears If you'd like to submit your questions for a future episode, submit your anonymous question on our website or in our private Facebook gorup. Mentioned in the episode: Episode #34: Horizontal vs Vertical Novelty Spring Couples Retreat Get Your Marriage On Program  

For so many Christian couples, sexuality and spirituality can feel like they're at odds. We've been taught that to be holy means to suppress desire—but what if our sexuality is actually one of the most powerful ways to love? In this deeply insightful episode, we talk with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife about how to integrate faith, desire, and embodiment. We explore how repressing our sexuality keeps us disconnected, how true intimacy begins with self-honesty, and why learning to love through our sexuality is a profoundly spiritual act. You'll hear about: Why sexual integration, not suppression, leads to spiritual strength How ego, fear, and control distort connection—and what it means to love from the soul The difference between sex as validation vs. sex as communion How couples can cultivate that eros energy—aliveness, joy, and freedom—in their marriage Whether you've wrestled with shame around sexuality or you just want a richer, more connected relationship, this conversation will inspire you to see your body and your marriage in a whole new light. 👉 Check out Jennifer's brand new book, That We Might Have Joy.  👉 Get our free training about how to get your marriage unstuck. 👉 Apply for our amazing couples retreat coming up in the spring! 👉 And join our free private facebook group, Christian Couples Improving Sex & Intimacy

Have you every received bad marriage advice? We sure have! In today's episode, I'm joined by my friend and returning guest, Monica Tanner. She recently released her book Bad Marriage Advice, and together we unpack some of the most common (and harmful) myths about marriage and sex and what the real advice should be. If you've ever wondered whether the "wisdom" you heard before your wedding day was worth following—or if you're trying to sort through conflicting advice about sex and intimacy—this episode is for you. 👉 Plus, Monica is giving away a copy of her new book in our private Facebook group, Christian Couples Improving Sex & Intimacy.  And if you're ready to take your own intimacy to the next level, applications are now open for our in-person couples retreat. Four days at a private resort, with gourmet meals, expert coaching, outdoor adventures, and life-changing breakthroughs in your sex life. Details are at getyourmarriageon.com.

In this episode of Get Your Marriage On!, we're diving into gridlock—the moments in marriage where no matter what you choose, it feels like you lose. These conflicts can leave you wondering if you married the right person or why your spouse can't see things your way. But conflict itself isn't the problem—how you handle it is. And since sex is often the biggest source of gridlock, it can also be the greatest opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy. We'll explore a real-life example of what happens when one spouse pressures the other with their sexual fantasies, and how that cycle of placating, resentment, and withdrawal can be transformed into honest intimacy instead. By the end, you'll see how even sexual disagreements can become invitations to stretch, grow, and build a more passionate, connected marriage. 👉 Want to go further? Download the Intimately Us app for more bedroom fun, and join our upcoming events and coaching programs to take your intimacy to the next level: Free Training Get Your Marriage On Program Free Facebook group: Christian Couples Improving Sex & Intimacy

Ever said yes to a party you didn't feel up for—then drove home glowing because it was totally worth it? In this episode, we've invited fellow Get Your Marriage On Program coach, Tammy Camp, to use this metaphor to talk all about creating an intimate relationship both spouses want to show up for! In this episode you'll learn about . . . Spontaneous and responsive desire How to send irresistible invitations (without pressure) How to RSVP with freedom instead of obligation When a thoughtful "no" is actually wise And how to become co-planners so the bedroom feels like a party you both want to attend We cover warm-up rituals, initiation scripts, de-pressurizing the "main event," and Tammy's black-belt party-planning tips. If you're tired of duty sex or mixed signals, this is your invite to craft a party worth wanting—together. And speaking of parties, we're inviting you to one you won't want to miss! Our Anatomy of Arousal Virtual Getaway is coming up in one week--September 26-27.  Take sexual intimacy in your marriage to the next level by mastering the three keys to high arousal in your marriage! Join us virtually for a refreshing, sexy, and inspiring 2-day getaway, where we do a deep dive into the anatomy of arousal in your marriage. (And if you can't make it that weekend, you will get the recordings to use on another weekendof your choosing.)