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© 2026 Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
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Unprofessional, unsolicited and unwanted opinions from Dan and Tony as they watch movies and tell you what's wrong with them.
287 Episodes
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Send us Fan Mail An AI judge. A 90-minute timer. One chair that can end you. Mercy sells itself like a sleek future-court thriller, but the more we follow its rules, the less the world holds together and that’s where our review gets viciously fun. We walk through the movie’s central idea: Judge Maddox runs the Mercy Court as judge, jury, and (indirectly) executioner, while Chris Pratt’s Detective Chris Raven has to prove his innocence with no lawyer and almost no real investigation happening...
Send us Fan Mail A time portal opens on a soccer field, a future soldier somehow addresses the whole stadium without a mic, and the world immediately agrees to a draft that sends regular people into an alien war with barely any training. That’s the kind of logic we can’t let go, so we put The Tomorrow War (2021) on the table and ask what happened to the “streaming blockbuster” era where huge movies drop on Prime Video and vanish from everyone’s brain by Monday. We walk through what works and...
Send us Fan Mail A reboot can survive a bad budget, cheap CGI, and even a silly premise. What it cannot survive is refusing to be the movie it advertises. We dig into the Anaconda remake and the strange choice to set up jump scares, a Brazil jungle prologue, and a “we’re living the movie we’re making” hook, then drain it all of horror, tension, and consequences the moment the story gets moving. We break down the biggest screenwriting and structure problems: the movie within a movie never bec...
Send us Fan Mail Three timelines. One supposed “grand message.” And somehow we’re left asking the simplest question a movie can provoke: what was the point? We take on In The Blink Of An Eye, the Hulu sci-fi drama that jumps from a prehistoric survival story to a modern relationship to a far-future space mission, then expects the connections to feel profound just because the music swells. We walk through what works, what absolutely doesn’t, and why the film’s structure keeps dodging real sta...
Send us Fan Mail A great heist hums like clockwork: clear motives, sharp reversals, and rules the audience can trust. Play Dirty aims for that swagger but keeps slipping on its own tone, ricocheting between hard-boiled grit and broad comedy. We dive into why that mismatch turns big swings—a racetrack robbery, a physics-defying train derailment, a billionaire kidnapping—into set pieces that don’t carry weight, and how characters without real wants leave tension on the table. We start with Sha...
Send us Fan Mail Knights, Nazis, submarines, and a three-headed robo-dragon walk into a Transformers sequel… and somehow the wildest ingredients still feel weightless. We dig into Transformers: The Last Knight to figure out why the VFX slap while the story slips, how the Arthurian hook gets buried under MacGuffins, and where the franchise lost the character charm that made the first film sing. We compare Shia’s live-wire energy to Mark Wahlberg’s steady center, debate Cogman’s C-3PO-adjacent ...
Send us Fan Mail What happens when a movie you once despised suddenly makes you laugh out loud? We dive back into Strange Wilderness and pull apart why some of its dumbest jokes still work—and why the “movie” around them often doesn’t. We set the table with the film’s sketch roots, the Sandler-adjacent cast, and the loose, improv-first approach that leaves scenes searching for an ending. Then we zero in on the bright spots: the nature documentary parodies that deliver clean, quotable lines wi...
Send us Fan Mail What happens when a massive sequel forgets the one thing epics can’t live without—emotion? We take a scalpel to Gladiator 2 and dig into why the arena feels quiet even when the crowd is screaming. From a “last free city” setup that strains belief to a retconned bloodline that muddies legacy, the movie races for scale without building the spine that made the original unforgettable. We talk through the action that should define character but doesn’t: a rhino fight with no ripp...
Send us Fan Mail A killer marionette, a sleepy music box, and a town that throws a FazFest for reasons no one can explain—welcome to our breakdown of Five Nights at Freddy’s 2, where the lore expands and the logic contracts. We dig into the 1982 prologue that binds Charlotte’s ghost to the puppet, the early-2000s reset that reopens old wounds, and the sequel’s habit of inventing rules only to ignore them when the plot needs a shortcut. We walk through the set pieces that actually slap: the g...
Send us Fan Mail A ghost’s-eye horror should feel like slipping between walls, time, and truth. Instead, Presence hands us a floating wide-angle lens that wanders rooms, hides in closets, and forgets why it’s haunting anyone. We dive straight into why the concept is intriguing and how the execution leaves story, character, and suspense on the cutting room floor. We unpack the core craft problems: a viewpoint with no rules, cuts to black that read like scene avoidance, and power limits that s...
Send us Fan Mail A goat gag, a blow dart, and one perfect Norm Macdonald riff walk into a movie. We dive into The Animal with our gloves off and our sense of humor intact, asking a simple question that unlocks the whole watch: can lowbrow comedy land when the lead can’t elevate the bit? One of us relishes the film’s shameless silliness and second-screen charm; the other sees a conveyor belt of half-built jokes that never earn their own punchlines. From the evidence-room meltdown to the press ...
Send us Fan Mail We had questions the moment Playdate 2025 opened on a joyless car chase and a baffling lacrosse scene—and then Isla Fisher strolled in with the “Mama Mafia” and Alan Ritchson arrived like a golden retriever with black-ops training. That’s the whiplash of this Prime Video action-comedy: when the energy is right, it’s hilarious; when the foundation wobbles, even a decent gag falls flat. We break down why the first act muddies everything a comedy needs to thrive—clear relations...
Send us Fan Mail A Vespa hums into Bakersfield, a church robe hides bondage gear, and a smooth-talking reverend runs a drug ring between sermons about macaroni. We dive into Honey Don’t with a simple litmus test for any detective story: does the protagonist actually want something concrete? When a PI drifts through clues without being hired, breaking in, or deducing much of anything, style and shock have to work overtime. Sometimes they do—there’s a killer dark-comic exchange where the revere...
Send us Fan Mail A healing unicorn, a billionaire’s lodge, and a night that should have dripped with dread instead slides into confusion. We dive into Death of a Unicorn with fresh eyes and plenty of receipts—where the premise shines, why the scares fizzle, and how the story trades suspense for unfinished spectacle. From the first “we hit something on the road” beat to that jarring daylight time jump, we trace the exact moments the movie stops trusting mystery and starts overexposing its crea...
Send us Fan Mail A leather jacket Santa, a melted plane, and a train to the wrong city—on paper it sounds wild. We hit play on the Jonas Brothers holiday special expecting cozy carols and earned nostalgia, and got a glossy tour of Europe where money and magic wipe away every consequence. The result is a Christmas road movie with no real road and no reason to hurry home, propped up by a handful of good jokes and one romance beat that almost redeems the trip. We unpack why the core premise fal...
Send us Fan Mail What happens when a brilliant concept crumbles under its own weight? We dive headfirst into The Truman Show and pull at every loose thread: a dome you can see from space, a moon that doubles as a control booth, rain on a dimmer, and a hero who behaves like a normal adult instead of someone raised by a stage. We’re not here to nitpick for sport—we’re asking how this story should work if it wants to be a satire, a thriller, or a character drama, and why it lands in a mushy midd...
Send us Fan Mail The trailer had us hopeful; the movie had us baffled. We dive into The Pickup and pull apart why a slick heist premise, a stacked cast, and a veteran director still yield a comedy-thriller with no real stakes and a whole lot of shrugs. From the opening bank “meet-cute” with a drawn gun that triggers zero fallout to an armored-truck chase that looks slow because it’s shot too wide and scored too flat, we track how craft choices drain momentum and mute laughs. Eddie Murphy sets...
Send us Fan Mail A time machine that behaves like a fax, a grenade that hops centuries, and an ear that turns into destiny—this conversation goes deep on why Timeline is both ridiculous and ridiculously enjoyable. We break down the movie’s soft science with a smile, from wormholes that sometimes sync to the minute to medallions that only work when the plot says so. Then we zoom in on what actually sells the ride: Gerard Butler’s early-era charisma, Anna Friel’s spark as Claire, and Michael Sh...
Send us Fan Mail Dinosaurs, portals, and a chorus line of pterodactyls should be a slam dunk. We dove into Land of the Lost to figure out why a movie with so many toys keeps losing the game—and how a few smart changes could have turned chaos into comedy that sticks. We start with the core misfire: Will Ferrell is asked to play a straight-man scientist and a clueless clown at the same time, which erases any clean arc and drains the stakes from every set piece. Absurd can be brilliant when the ...
Send us Fan Mail What happens when a sharp horror-comedy premise gets tripped up by soggy jokes and TV-flat reactions? We dig into Little Evil with a filmmaker’s eye and a comic’s ear, mapping the moments that could have soared if the setups, POV, and character logic actually aligned. From the tornado wedding and the defensive videographer to the CPS visit with Sally Field and the clown-on-fire gag, we point to where the movie almost clicks—and how a few simple escalations could have turned “...
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