Our Better Half

Our guest today is Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist, author, and Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He is host of the Sex and Psychology Podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It WillHelp You Improve Your Sex Life. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, having been honored three times with the Certificate of Teaching Excellence from Harvard University, where he taught for several years. He is also a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works, including a textbook titled The Psychology of Human Sexuality that is used in college classrooms around the world. Dr. Lehmiller is a much sought-after voice in the media on sexuality research and education. He's been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, and CNN, and he has appeared on dozens of international radio, podcast, and television programs. We talked about the seven categories of sexual fantasies, how fantasies change as we age, and their current study on masturbation and menopause. Click here if you'd like to learn more about Dr. Justin Lehmiller's work and check out his blog and his podcast too. If you're interested in Justin Lehmiller's immersive study abroad programs, go to Sexual Health Alliance Study Abroad for lots of great information! You can follow him on Instagram @JustinJLehmiller. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

Our guest this time is Stephen Duclos, and his interest in aging is partly because he has been doing social change work for decades and sees aging as just one more civil rights horizon. He's also interested in aging because he's a sex therapist, and he sees all sex as queer sex when it comes to aging adults. Stephen has been working as a therapist and counselor since 1972. He currently holds licenses and national certifications in Sex Therapy (as a CST), Couples and Family Therapy (LMFT), Mental Health Counseling (LMHC), and Rehabilitation Counseling (CRC). Stephen is an Approved Supervisor with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT), and AASECT (the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists). He is also a member of the American Family Therapy Academy. In 2012, he received the Patricia Schiller award from AASECT for his work on Fathers, Adolescent Daughters, and Sexuality. And in 2022, he was featured in a cover story in the NY Times Magazine about sex over 70. Jane first met Stephen at an AASECT conference and was immediately struck by his candor, and they have been teaching social workers and students of sex therapy ever since. He is always up for a new challenge and is one of the most thoughtful clinicians she knows. He has been a teacher and supervisor of therapists as an adjunct faculty member of UMass/Boston and is a principal faculty member in the Sex Therapy Training program at South Shore Sexual Health Center. He has also taught at Boston Medical Center and Harvard Medical School. He is vitally interested in intimacy, aging, fathers and daughters, and long-term sexual relationships.  Stephen has also been involved in civil rights work for more than 50 years. From registering voters for the Boston Election Commission in 1967, to helping establish the second Independent Living Center in the US for people with disabilities in the 1970s, to establishing biracial councils in the Boston Public Schools during desegregation through the late 1980s, to supporting liberation for the queer community, civil rights has been part of his ongoing, lifelong community work.   His interest in aging comes in large part from his commitment to being a therapist, seeing older clients, and threading the aging process in the tapestry of his own life. He is fierce, tender, brilliant, and a great teacher and learner. He wanted to expand his teaching practice by working with a sex educator, and Jane was so pleased that he invited her in because she loves teaching with him, always learning something new, as we did in this conversation.  Listeners, if you'd like to learn more about Stephen and his work, you can find more information here. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

This week on Our Better Half, hosts Rosara and Jane sit down with Djanikah Elysse, Stacey Rose, and Virginia Nguyen to discuss their groundbreaking project on sex-positive senior living facilities. Join us as we dive into a crucial conversation about sexuality and aging. Our guests share insights on: The inspiration behind their sex-positive senior living project and a brief overview of its goals. Dimensions of intimacy beyond physical sex that are vital for older adults in residential care. How the SWELLAA (Sexual Wellness for Aging Adults) initiative proposes to create a more supportive and inclusive environment for residents' sexual expression and identity. Their hopes for the future of SWELLAA and how they envision it transforming the landscape of senior living facilities. To learn more about their group, SWELLAA, (Sexual Wellness for Aging Adults), check out their website, or send them an email at swaaorg@gmail.com! If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!

Please join us for an enlivening conversation with Dr. Cynthia Graham, an esteemed editor, researcher, and educator. She has done so much research on older adults and amid a negative focus on aging, she has found in her research that sex can actually get better with age. Her research focuses on sexual health among older adults, male condom use, hormonal contraceptives, women's sexuality, women's sexual pleasure, and sexual problems. We discussed her current research along with Dr. Justin Lehmiller on older women and masturbation and whether it might improve some symptoms of menopause. She is the editor of the Journal of Sex Research and Distinguished Professor in the Department of Gender studies at Indiana University and a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute. In the wake of NIH and other funding cutbacks in scientific research, she talks about the need to continue to do sexuality research and continuing to find alternative avenues to fund and publish this critical work. Listeners, if you're interested in Dr. Cynthia Graham's research, click here. If you're interested in Dr. Patricia Barthalow Koch's article we discussed on body image and aging, click here. And if you'd like to read the statement Dr. Graham and her colleagues wrote about the attacks on scientific research, click here. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

In this deeply moving episode of Our Better Half, hosts Rosara and Jane sit down with a special guest to discuss an intimate and often unspoken aspect of grief: the loss of a sexual self. Our guest, who prefers to remain anonymous, courageously shares a powerful reflection on her experience since the death of her beloved husband. She introduces us to "Lefty," a flirtatious and sensual persona she developed and nurtured within the safety of her marriage. Lefty was more than just a part of her; she was her husband's "girlfriend," a vital and cherished part of their bond. Our guest shares the painful process of having to "close down" this part of herself after his passing, and the profound sense of loss that came with it. Throughout the conversation, we explore what it means to lose a partner who was not only a best friend and confidant but also a playmate and lover. Our guest opens up about the powerful phrase she and her husband used to describe their connection: "A Quantum of Solace," a state of being where they found shelter and security in each other's arms. She also offers a vulnerable and honest look at how she has navigated the loss of physical intimacy. This episode is a testament to the enduring power of love and a compassionate guide for anyone experiencing similar grief. Listeners, if you'd like to learn more about keeping the sex in a long-term relationship, we recommend Hani Miletski and her late husband's book,  Keep It Fresh: Tips For Couples Who Are In It For The Long Haul and Sara Nasserzadeh's book, Love By Design. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

We are so happy to invite you to a wonderful conversation with Dr. Elliott Kronenfeld who is interested in building relationships on curiosity and intention across the lifespan. Dr. Kronenfeld's books, Couples by Intention: Crafting and Cultivating Relationships that Matter! and Unspoken Loss: Men, Infidelity, and Disenfranchised Grief are widely available. We spoke with him about so much. If your curiosity is piqued, here are a few links: Disenfranchised Grief by Doka and Women, breast cancer survivorship, sexual losses, and disenfranchised grief – a treatment model for clinicians by Pillai-Friedman and Ashline. Listeners, if you'd like to get in touch with Dr. Eliot Kronenfeld, you can find more about him here. You can also follow him on Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn, and Bluesky! If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!

Please join us for a fantastic conversation with Natalie Malone, a counseling psychologist and doctoral candidate at the University of Kentucky. Her research focuses on Black women's sexual/reproductive health and holistic wellness. Natalie is a 200-hour registered yoga and pilates teacher who integrates complementary health approaches and embodiment practices into her research and clinical services. She is a published author with 48 publications in scientific journals and textbooks. Additionally, she is a celebrated speaker with over 20 presentations domestically and internationally. Natalie shared some great resources with us, including her mentor, Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons', new book: Good Sex: Stories, Science, and Strategies for Sexual Liberation, the podcast, IMO with Michelle Obama and her big brother Craig Robinson, and her own work. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

Great news - we got picked up for another season of Our Better Half! Stay tuned for another year of insightful conversations featuring top experts in the field of sexuality and aging. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!

Join our co-hosts this week, Jane Fleishman, Jayleen Galarza-Patterson, and Rosara Torrisi, for a rich and interesting conversation unpacking the term 'sexual ageism', talking about it from their professional lives as educators and therapists. Reviewing two articles about why older adults do have sex and why they don't. Fascinating results! Listeners might also enjoy Jane's article on the impacts of social and political upheaval on older adults' sexuality. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

Our guest this time is Dr. Margaret Nichols. Dr. Nichols, Ph.D., is a psychologist, AASECT certified sex therapy supervisor, founder, and first Executive Director of the Institute for Personal Growth, a psychotherapy organization in New Jersey specializing in clinical work with the sex, relationship, and gender diverse community. She is the author of The Modern Clinician's Guide to Working with LGBTQ+ Clients: The Inclusive Psychotherapist. Dr. Nichols is an international speaker and author of many articles on LGBTQ sexuality, transgender youth, kink, and consensual nonmonogamy, as well as the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes' Transgender Mental Health certification program. Dr. Nichols has been licensed since 1981 and trained as a sex therapist since 1983. In 1983, she founded the Institute for Personal Growth, and in 1985, she helped found and served as the first Executive Director of the Hyacinth AIDS Foundation, New Jersey's largest HIV social service agency. Since she sold IPG in 2018, Dr. Nichols has maintained a small private psychotherapy practice and a roster of sex therapy supervisees across the country. Resources on ways to support trans and non-binary people: Supporting transgender people in your life - Advocates for trans equality How to be an ally to trans and non-binary people - Trevor Project How to be an ally to trans and non-binary people - George Mason LGBTQ+ center  Dr. Margie Nichols' TED talk  If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!

Join us for an exciting conversation with inventors Michael Weiss-Malik and Elizabeth Dell, co-founders of Groove Thing, a way to bring music vibrations inside your body, an astounding invention. They say it's a way to "transform your body into a concert hall." Not a sex toy, not a musical instrument, it's more of a tactile music experience and a synthesis of music and sensation. For older adults, it's an experience of pleasure for many types of bodies -- it's low impact, and it's about letting the music radiate inside the body. If you're interested in learning more, please go to their website. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

Join a few of our co-hosts for a light, lovely, humorous, and educational romp through some challenges of ageism and how they combat ageism through sexual pleasure.  If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!

Our guest this time is Dr. Damon Constantinides, a queer and trans psychotherapist, sex therapist, sex coach, and trainer living and working on Lenape land. His work focuses on centering the lived experiences of queer and trans folks using a narrative and relational clinical approach. Dr. Constantinides believes that we can only do this work in community and offers a weekly consultation group for trans and non-binary clinicians. Through his coaching practice, Dr. Constantinides offers regular virtual groups including a Trans Masc 30+ Connections Group and a Trans Masc Sexual Pleasure Coaching Group. He is the co-author of the book, Sex Therapy with Erotically Marginalized Clients. He is deeply grateful to his ancestors and transcestors who made it possible for him to thrive and support his community.  We had a deep and beautiful conversation about the need to center trans and queer experiences with our clients, especially older clients, and here are some links to the work we spoke about with him:  Difference between pleasure versus performance model Sara McClelland on intimate justice Damon Constantinides' website Sex Therapy with Erotically Marginalized Clients Nine Principles of Clinical Support by Constantinides, Sennott and Chandler If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

Our guests this time are the dynamic duo, mother/daughter team of The Buehler Institute, Dr. Stephanie Buehler and Anneka Buehler. Stephanie Buehler, MPW, PsyD, CST-S, IF, is a licensed psychologist, AASECT-certified sex Therapist and Supervisor, and Fellow of the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health. She is the President of The Buehler Institute and LearnSexTherapy.com, which provides APA, AASECT, NBCC, and California BRN-approved inclusive continuing education in sex therapy and sexuality counseling. In addition to pelvic pain disorders and using the sexological ecosystemic approach she developed, Dr. Buehler has written about and lectured on the intersection of sexuality and sexual identity, thriving after breast and prostate cancer; neurodivergent sexuality and relationships; post-trauma recovery of sexual function and pleasure; counseling for couples; infertility, pregnancy, and post-partum issues; and menopause and other lifespan concerns affecting women. She provides AASECT individual and group supervision and case consultation to therapists. She is the author of several books, including the third edition of What Every Mental Health Provider Needs to Know about Sex. Anneka Buehler, MEd, is a recent graduate of George Mason University with a master's degree in counseling. She is the Vice President of The Buehler Institute and is a true multi-tasker responsible for directing day-to-day operations, marketing and social media, and content development. Ms. Buehler is an intern at a group practice that serves DC, Maryland, and Virginia. Her areas of concentration include working with neurodiverse clients, trauma, pelvic pain, and kink, and she has extensive experience with the LGBTQ+ population. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

Dr. Laurie Betito is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in sex therapy. She has been a practicing psychotherapist for over 30 years. Nearly three decades ago, she began her radio career as a co-host on MIX 96 in Montreal, a station that broke barriers by launching The Love Line, a weekly call-in show dedicated to sex and relationships. In 1999, she joined CJAD 800 with her own nightly talk show, PASSION, which remained on the air for 22 years. She has since moved her show away from commercial radio and into the podcasting world with The Passion Podcast where she continues to talk about love, sex, and relationships. She was also affiliated with the Montreal General Hospital's Human Sexuality Unit for many years. Dr. Laurie continues to lecture extensively in Montreal and across North America. She is the Director of the Pornhub Sexual Wellness Center, the author of The Sex Bible for People Over 50, and has done two TEDx talks: The Pleasure Principle: The Secret to a Better Sex Life, and Passion vs. sex: ensuring the viability of your relationship. Learn more about Dr. Laurie Betito by visiting her website! If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

Dr. Callie Freitag is an Assistant Professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison Sandra Rosenbaum School of Social Work. Her work focuses on safety net policies related to aging, disability, and poverty. Prior to that, Callie was a policy analyst & advocate focusing on aging and long-term care policy in California. We recorded this conversation on January 6, 2025, a difficult day in America, when insurrectionists tried to take over the Capitol building in 2020. An auspicious day. The new administration in Washington is already looking to be a disaster for many Americans, especially for people over 65 who qualify for Medicare and Social Security, and are disabled or poor and qualify for Medicaid. Our guest has been studying social policy and aging and has some great insights and ideas about how to mobilize our energies. We are delighted to bring this hopeful conversation to all of our listeners! If you'd like to get in touch with Dr. Callie Freitag, you can find out more here. And if you'd like more information about some of the groups mentioned on this show: Groups working on immigration reform: National Immigration Law Center National Immigrant Justice Center Here are some resources to track anti-trans and anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation: Anti-Trans Legislation Tracker ACLU Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures in 2024: Human Rights Campaign Map: Attacks on Gender Affirming Care by State Additional resources: Third Act Indivisible Diverse Elders Coalition National Immigration Law Center National Immigration Justice Center For information on Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security: Center on Budget and Policy Priorities and their state-level affiliates. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

You are invited to an intimate and insightful conversation with our co-hosts. Rosara poses a question about couples who've literally lost touch with each other sexually and, in many cases, physically. Sabitha, Jane, and Rosara discuss their ideas about bridging the canyon, paddling across the ravine, finding their way back to each other, healing old wounds, embracing the vulnerabilities, and reframing intimacy. Our co-hosts offer valuable insights and wonderful recommendations from their collective decades of experience. And they do all of this with kindness, love, and acceptance. Join us for a wonderful conversation. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

This episode explores the significance of intergenerational learning and social/racial justice within the sexual health field. We had the joy of interviewing Mariotta Gary-Smith about her experiences of mentorship from Black women/femme elders that also inspired the trajectory of her career as a social justice actionable agitator. Mariotta Gary-Smith (she/her/Queen [reserved]) is a 3rd generation social justice agitator & Oregonian. Her family history of civil rights seeded her interest in social justice - she found human sexuality on her own. After high school, Mariotta earned degrees from Agnes Scott College and the Rollins School of Public Health at Emory University. In Fall 2008, she was one of five nationally selected Fellowship Scholars for the Inaugural Class at the Center of Excellence for Sexual Health (CESH) housed at the Morehouse School of Medicine. In 2009, Mariotta co-founded the Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WoCSHN; pronounced 'wok-shyn') – an online-based, collective organization for BIPOC (Black, Indigenous and People of Color) women/femme-identifying/gender-expansive sexuality professionals. In 2012, Mariotta joined with 6 other Oregon-based BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color/of the Global Majority) women and femmes that formed the Founding Advisory Committee of the We Are BRAVE! Project, a cohort policy project housed at Western States Center (Portland, OR.) This collective was a foundational part of the local political movement that resulted in Oregon passing the Reproductive Health Equity Act (RHEA) in 2017 – the singular most progressive reproductive health law in the United States to date. With a well-respected reputation for thoughtful, challenging and honest learning experiences centering racial justice, equity, sexuality and social critique, Mariotta continues to offer strategic thought partnership & collaborative consultation with various organizations about racial justice in sexuality education and the Sexuality profession. With over 20 years of experience, Mariotta remains committed to holding space that supports clear & accountable learning on the intersections of social justice, sexual health, equity and "actionable agitation." She's fully invested in her 'passion work' – focusing on Black folks and Black sexuality and moving their experience from the margins to the center. You can read Mariotta's contribution about cultivating a liberatory care practice to the Sexuality Social Justice open access resource here. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!

Our guest this time is Dr. Daniel N. Watter. Dan is an existential sex therapist and he has so much to say about appreciating sexuality as we age instead of extolling the virtues of youthful sexuality. He has a fresh approach to the connection between death anxiety and sexuality. Dan talks with us about the existential importance of the penis and the idea that the penis is speaking but sometimes in a whisper. Dr. Watter is the author of more than 30 professional articles and book chapters on topics such as sexual function and dysfunction, and ethics in healthcare practice. He most recently completed the new book, The Existential Importance of the Penis: A Guide to Understanding Male Sexuality and a new article about men, sex, and aging for the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Dan has been a practicing clinical and forensic psychologist and certified sex therapist for more than 35 years. He is licensed as both a psychologist and a marital and family therapist. In addition, he is Board Certified in Sex Therapy by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), and the American Board of Sexology (ACS), of which he also holds Fellowship status. Dr. Watter is an AASECT certified sex therapy supervisor and has been elected to Fellowship Status in the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH). In addition to his clinical practice, he is a faculty member at the University of Michigan School of Social Work's Sexual Certification Program and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. He has taught at a number of colleges, universities, and medical schools in the past. Dr. Watter is a member of several professional organizations and has been elected to leadership positions in many including the New Jersey Psychological Association's Ethics Committee, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR), and AASECT. He's been the Chair of the AASECT Ethics Advisory Committee and President of SSTAR. You can reach Dan Watter here. And you can check out his new book here. If you'd like to read any of the other books we discussed, you can find Irvin Yalom's work here, and Peggy Kleinplatz's book, Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers  here. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!  

Our guest this time is James Wilson, the Executive Officer of the Theatre and Performance program at the City University of New York Graduate Center. His research and teaching interests include African American theatre and performance, gender and sexuality studies, and musical theatre history. He is the author of two books and today we'll be talking about his book Bulldaggers, Pansies, and Chocolate Babies: Performance, Race, and Sexuality in the Harlem Renaissance. His essays have appeared in numerous academic journals and chapter anthologies. He is a voting member of the Drama Desk, nearly 60, and a lover of Broadway. His thoughts and reflections on Florence Mills, Gladys Bentley, and other queer performers in the Harlem Renaissance are spell-binding and we think you'll truly enjoy him like we did! Not only does he shed light on the often overlooked LGBTQ contributions to the era's creativity and fights for justice, he does so with gusto and great research! If you'd like to purchase his book, please go to your nearest local independent bookstore. You can learn more about Jim Wilson here. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!