Claim OwnershipBlended - Navigating The Blended Family Experience
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"Blended" is a look into my personal life and exists as a resource for people that are also navigating the blended family experience! Here you will find the support, information, and the encouragement that you need to maximize the potential of your family unit.
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Click this link - https://linktr.ee/jeremiahwallace
Want to connect or explore more content?
Click this link - https://linktr.ee/jeremiahwallace
109 Episodes
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(Spoiler alert!!) The answer is yes and no... We as step-parents get better, and we get better at navigating family. As we accept the dynamics of our family that we can't change and deal with our insecurities, we become more confident and resilient. As we learn to prioritize what is most important and fight to get on the same page as our spouse, the uncharterd waters that used to overthrow you will become your stomping ground! So yes, it can get better ~ and so can you!
Moving forward requires dropping some weight! Close to one hundred percent of the time, in order for things to move in a direction of health and functionality, there are things in our lives that simply have to die (I'm not talking about harming anyone else, so please calm down). We have to stop breathing life into certain mindsets, relational dynamics, habits and tendency to be passive in situations that require our best. It can be a rough process, but what's the alternative??
What do we do when our backs are against the wall?! I've learned that we've all probably experienced this moment, we're going through it currently, or it's on it's way! The way that we respond in these moments tend to determine what's ahead for us and our families for the near, and potentially even distant future. There is always a way through, and you can expect to be better on the other side of even the most intense challenge!
If someone were to look at your efforts, what would that tell them about where you've placed your faith? We can say that we're believing for breakthrough in relationships or specific outcomes for our family, but our actions can express something entirely different. We need to move from a subconscious belief system to one that is intentional and stretigic about how we'll see our hopes come to pass. Alignment between our expectations and our actions is the key!
The best outcomes for our families requires us to be present and invested! However, if we're faking 'nice' or pretending to be interested because it's simply what we're supposed to be doing, then we'll miss the mark over and over again. Surviving the difficulties until we arrive at the promised land is an enticing option as we navigate family, but this posture is much more likely to produce the harms that we're trying to avoid. Faith, however, gives us both a confidence and an assurance of the things we long to see within ourselves and our family. Blended families must shift from surviving storms to locating the center of the chaos and taking hold of the peace that allows us to endure!
Realizing that you're a people pleaser is a tough revelation! What may have started as a healthy desire to provide support and satisfaction for others, can become an inability to hold back our precious time, attention and resources. When the gift of kindness has become corrupt, we can become the type of people that consider ourselves valuable based on what someone else has to say. Freedom is on the other side of those that break the cycle of pleasing others to our detriment and that of our families.
The connection with your spouse is what keeps the relationship alive and fruitful! Our ability to endure the give and take that comes with family also depends on our efforts to remain on the same page. During this episode Margo and I discuss how we practice the life saving tool of checking in with one another. We also got to do some celebrating because what comes natural now, seemed impossible not too long ago! If you want to hear how an imperfect couple has stumbled through this process of maintaining the right kind of intimacy, then you'll want to take a listen!
It has probably never been so difficult for two people to get on the same page! The confusion around relationships and how they should be done seems to be growing by the day. This is no way to build a foundation for the future. In order to avoid the moment where we're trying to define our relationship, we have to put forth a counter-cultural effort of intention and living with clear direction.
A whole and healthy family absent of resistance is a dream we often aspire toward. Reality may consist of coming to a point of asking ourselves whether we made the right decision to pursue this relationship. It's okay. Most people come to this crossroad! You can be dilegent in your efforts to answer that question and arrive at the best outcome for yourself, and everyone else involved.
Have you ever felt as if your efforts were all for nothing? Have you ever gotten so low that you've even questioned your own value within your family? For most of us, we want to have a positive and lasting impact on those around us, but it often feels as if this hill is far too steep to climb. Evidence of our good works making change for the better can be hard to find at times, but that doesn't mean we're not moving the needle. It may be time to let go of that picture in your mind of what family and relationships should look like, and take hold of a faith that can shift your perspective and transcend your circumstances!
My daughters join me to celebrate the milestone of 100 episodes! Considering I wouldn't be where I am without them, it's about time they made their stamp on the podcast! Each of the 100 messages have been personal as they've highlighted what we've learned and the things that we're in the process of walking through. Grateful for the growth and where our family stands today. More to come!
Do you fight in front of your kids? Well, you should! You may need to redefine what it means to 'fight' with your significant other and some of the rules around what is and isn't within bounds may need to change as well. Nonetheless, much can be learned from a dispute handled the right way. Our kids don't need to be exposed to any and every dispute, but they should witness the way that we handle and resolve conflict. Realizing that disagreement isn't the end of the world is a blessing that they carry into their relationships for years to come!
Margo and I have a long list of the things that we love about one another, but we're not going to pretend that there's a list of things that we don't like. In fact, her words are "the most unattractive thing that you do" to be exact! I had no idea that sitting accross from one another and exchanging things that we aren't necessarily a fan of was a relationship goal of mine, but here we are. Grateful that we've grown to the point where this can take place without insecurity or a desire to take personal jabs taking over. We spend most of our time celebrating one another and sharing the things that we love, so we had a little fun humbling one another for close to an hour!
Anybody dealing with a little bit of chaos right now?? It's so easy for the things that are happening around us to incite responses that can resemble frustration, confusion, anger, axiousness or depression. But do we have to keep going through these cycles? Is our respsponse automated based on the chaos around us, or can we determine whether our peace will remain intact? I can assure you that we have tools at our disposal to combat the craziness!
Our children require so much in order for us to raise them up as healthy and capable individuals. Although they've been assigned to our care, by no means are they our property. Appreciating their real-life process and giving them them a small seat at the table as their parents lead the way, can and will make all the difference in their lives.
You don't make it to 11 years of marriage without some legitimate tests. While the idea of divorce wasn't something we entertained, we were definitely tempted to believe the thought that we'd be miserable because of all that came with our family. But, God!! Today, we can see the fruit of our efforts and the blessings on the other side of much heartache. Things are not perfect, but there is no question that our commitment to doing the right thing has made all of the difference. This moment of gratitude has allowed us to recall what we've been through, how we've overcome, and its stirred up some excitement about the things ahead!
Pride takes down families. Simple as that. It is as deceptive as it is destructive. If we were to closely examine the issues related to marriage and divorce, as well as other relational conflicts, pride wouldn't be too hard to find. Unfortunately, we all deal with it to some degree. Humility, on the other hand, is what strengthens bonds and makes way for the wisdom that we need to overcome even the most significant relationship issues.
As a stepparent, you may be tempted to prefer your biological child over your step child. This can show up in the form of comparison, inconsistent execution of discipline, or the outright shunning of your stepkid(s). There are plenty of reasons or excuses that we may use to get to this point, but this outcome is not uncommon! Correcting course so that we're not depending on our bio kids to affirm our identity or soothe our bruised ego is a necessary step.
We've addressed who it is that we prioritize during singlehood and the early stages of blending. It's time to talk about what comes first when things get serious. Getting this right for our family has not been easy, but it is without question one of our greatest achievements!
The process of blending your family is not a free-for-all! The decisions we make about how we spend our time, the well-being of our children and the proper way to invest into a love interest are crucial. This means we have to have our priorities straight. Depending on what stage you find yourself the person that requires your investment may look one way or another. Nonetheless, my wife and I have learned that a successful blend depends heavily on keeping the first things first!
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