Love Thy Neighbor Show

Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Episode: "Approaching Modesty" (LTN 52) Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads My Eternal Vitality (myeternalvitality.com): Opening read for Dr. Powers. The hosts cover hormone testing and HRT for women, which Colette has talked about using and which a host's wife is going through now. They also mention testosterone testing for men, perimenopause, gut health and peptides. A host says he's working on his gut health with Dr. Powers right now. Segment Rundown Open and intro: The hosts introduce themselves, and Tom says Dan has a modesty topic. Dan says he isn't eager to talk about it but knows he needs to. Dan's upbringing: Dan describes a relaxed, no-shame household growing up. He retells the "rat-a-tat" bit with his dad, a Mediocre Time running joke for nearly two decades. He says it faded naturally as he hit puberty. Then vs. now tangent: The hosts riff on how streaking, mooning and similar pranks used to be seen as harmless and can now lead to criminal charges. They agree it reflects society's changing sense of what's acceptable. The knock that started it: Dan's daughter Maisie is 11, just started middle school, and recently performed at a Winter Park high school football game. When Dan knocked on her door, she told him he didn't have to. He told her knocking is about respect, and that made him realize the transition is close. He says there's a double standard between raising a boy and raising a girl. Time for the talk: Colette asks what Maisie knows. She knows about periods, but they haven't talked about sex. Tom jokes that Dan short-circuits at the "M-word," followed by a "little people" M-word bit. Colette says Dan's instincts are right: Maisie's peers are already dealing with this, so she needs to be prepared, with privacy framed as normal, not shameful. Medieval Times tangent: An offhand "medieval times" line turns into a bit about Tom eating turkey legs there for lunch. Dan says his dad hated it because they seated him by the stables, so he was eating chicken next to a horse. Colette has never been, and the hosts pitch taking her and Kentucky Steve on a show outing. Daddy's girl bond: Dan tears up telling how Maisie said she loved their one-on-one time while Andrea was away on business. Colette says a dad's closeness shapes a daughter's self-esteem and even her future partner choices, and compares it to her own bond with her father. Nudity norms by household: Colette was relaxed about nudity with her daughters, though she wasn't that way with her own mom. Tom explains why he no longer lets his sons see him undressed ("dad-dong"). He says his wife stopped too once the boys started commenting. Colette tells her story of her five-year-old saying her bottom "needs some vegetables." The hosts agree same-sex parent and child pairs rarely hit this point the same way. Dan's nerves and Colette's camp story: Dan says this is the one dad topic that has him stumped. Colette tells how she got her first period at summer camp and mentioned it in a letter to her mom. Her dad then greeted her with an awkward "you're a woman now" line, and she was furious. Her advice: plan with Andrea, let Andrea lead if that fits Maisie best, and avoid moments like that. Tom's sons and the talk: Tom says his wife had the talk with their kids even though he told her not to. The hosts tease him for saying kids learn it "from the streets," and joke that he figured out how babies are made very late. Parenting adult kids: Tom asks how to stay helpful to adult kids without smothering them. Colette loves having adult daughters but feels the distance, with one in Hawaii and one in Atlanta. She explains why she won't guilt-trip them about it. She respects that one daughter doesn't want to discuss her love life, and asks "are you open to advice?" before giving it. She ties boundary violations to the current trend of adult children cutting off parents. Dan connects it back to knocking on the door as respect. Colette and her dad: Colette grew up doing her dad's hobbies: model airplanes, car racing, Giants games. Around puberty he told her she didn't have to keep going if she wasn't into it. Recently she told him she didn't want to hear about a stressful family situation, and he took it fine. Tom and Dan say they could never say that to someone. Conflict and The Cost of Quiet: The hosts bring up Colette's recent Fox 35 segment and Jason Sudeikis's comments about not speaking up sooner with Olivia Wilde. Colette explains the premise of her book: problems you avoid compound, so fix them "at the oil change stage." She says the average couple gets to therapy years too late. She distinguishes constructive from destructive conflict and shares research showing strong couples treat conflict as a team (the "couple bubble"). Tom's early marriage fears: Tom says that early on, every fight with Crystal made him assume divorce was coming, and he learned over time that conflict is just part of the process. Colette explains why disconnection causes anxiety. She describes withdrawers and pursuers (she's a pursuer) and how unresolved fights leave resentment behind even after they "evaporate." Practical tips and grievance bit: Colette's tips: stick to the one small issue (the Diet Coke can) rather than attacking character, take a pause, find something to take accountability for, and talk about your own feelings rather than "you this, you that." Tom jokes about his lists of grievances, and the hosts pitch an emotional boot camp for him. He says he prefers the mud-crawling kind. Dan's real-time win: Dan says he wanted Andrea at a recent comedy show but didn't guilt-trip her for staying home tired with Maisie. He admits he almost sent a text and didn't. Tom jokes that he'll do the guilt-tripping for him. Colette praises the self-awareness and compares it to not pressuring her daughter to move home from Hawaii. Plugs, next week tease and sign-off: The hosts plug Colette's book and free resources. Next week's topic is alternative and open relationships, and the hosts riff on "work husband" Tom bringing Dan hair product and a Copper Rocket story before signing off. Key Dates / Plugs Mentioned Recently (Andrea's business trip): The week of one-on-one time between Dan and Maisie. Recently: Maisie's dance performance at a Winter Park high school football game. Last week: Colette on Fox 35 talking about conflict resolution research. Recently: The comedy show Dan attended without Andrea. Next week: Alternative and open relationships with Colette. Ongoing: myeternalvitality.com (Dr. Powers: hormones, testosterone, perimenopause, gut health, peptides). Ongoing: Colette's book "The Cost of Quiet," with a free toolkit at thecostofquiet.com and colettejanefehr.com. Ongoing: Colette's "Insights from the Couch." Notable Guests/Callers None: No in-studio guest, callers or voicemails. Chat room: The hosts note female listeners in the chat relating to Colette's camp story. Kentucky Steve: Mentioned only, as a possible Medieval Times companion.

Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Episode: 51 Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads My Eternal Vitality: Sponsor ad read for MyEternalVitality.com. Segment Rundown Cold open: the apology. Dan nearly flubs the intro, then Tom apologizes to Colette for "ditching" her at a recent comedy show. They describe the familiar party move where you bring a new friend and then drift off with your old friends. The comedy show seating saga. The hosts walk through the night. A table had been reserved through Krista and Miles for Tom, Dan, Colette, Kentucky Steve and Tom's wife. Then they ran into old radio friends, including Jimmy (Jim Colbert, teased for his Tony Soprano linen look) and Jack. The group went in through the VIP entrance, which Tom and Dan both say they didn't want to do, and grew to a party of ten. The two leftover seats ended up away from the main table. Dan offered to sit there alone, but Colette and Steve took them, putting them in what the hosts call the "timeout corner." Steve was happy as long as he had a beer. Colette's take: no drama. Colette says no apology was needed. She quickly read the situation, didn't care, and would have said something if it bothered her. She jokes about being kept off the "cool kids table" and says Dan offering to sit alone was ridiculous. Dan defends that he really did want to sit alone. Host anxiety and event stress. The talk turns to why hosting stresses people out. Tom says he can't enjoy his own parties because he worries whether everyone is having fun, and says his wife is even worse. Dan explains that event season, with long calls with Tracy to cover every detail, weighs on him because he blames himself if anything goes wrong. Colette relates it to her book launch, where worrying about turnout and food took away from her own enjoyment. Colette's advice: letting go. Colette says anxious "worrier" types are often wired this way, but you can move toward more emotional freedom. Her tips: stay conscious of the pattern, remind yourself you can tolerate other people's disappointment, and remember you aren't responsible for everyone. Dan separates unreasonable complaints, like grumbling about lines at a free beer fest, from real dropped balls, like promising gift bags and not delivering. Colette agrees. Running bit: Tom mixing up "consternation" and "constipation." Elizabeth Holmes film: first take. Colette gives her review of the much-talked-about Elizabeth Holmes film from Lance Oppenheim and Nathan Fielder, which the guys also covered on Monday's ACT show. She argues it isn't really a documentary but an artistic think piece. The hosts mention a news report that Oppenheim is facing questions about using other people's footage without permission, and Crespo's recommendation of the film. The premise and Holmes's motive. Colette lays out the setup. Holmes invited the crew in one month after giving birth to her second child and 34 days before reporting to prison, and Fielder lived in the house with the family. Colette sees it as a carefully built rehabilitation effort and a launchpad for "Theranos 2.0," which the film shows. The pitch is that Holmes is a misunderstood, neurodivergent Silicon Valley visionary. The hosts compare it to tech "vaporware" hype. What the movie leaves out. Colette says the film skips the facts. She points viewers to John Carreyrou's book Bad Blood, the earlier HBO documentary, and Hulu's The Dropout. She describes Holmes's habit of dodging questions with word salad and calls it manipulation. She notes that therapists can't diagnose someone who isn't their patient. Then she goes through the documented harm: false pregnancy and cancer results, machines that didn't work, results quietly run on other companies' equipment, and employees who were threatened when they raised concerns. Neurodivergence explained. Tom asks what "neurodivergent" actually means. Colette explains it as a brain that works a little differently, with ADHD and autism spectrum disorder (which now includes what used to be called Asperger's) as examples. She stresses it isn't a negative label. The hosts talk about Holmes's unblinking, intense eye contact. Colette explains why sustained eye contact reads as dominating, and wonders whether Holmes and Fielder are both neurodivergent in some way. Layers of manipulation. Colette calls the movie fascinating and well made. Part of what makes it compelling is watching Fielder get pulled in and come to care about Holmes. Her Insights from the Couch co-host Laura even said she thought they might kiss. Colette sees several layers: the filmmakers shaping the story, Holmes working on Fielder, and the audience being moved by both. She also reads it as a commentary on being watched in the social media age. Trauma vs. accountability. Colette brings up Holmes's account of past trauma and her claims that former partner and co-defendant Sunny Balwani groomed and abused her. Some therapists have responded to those claims with sympathy. Colette says several things can be true at once, but people are still responsible for what they do. She argues that excusing Holmes infantilizes women and notes that Holmes shows no remorse. Tom asks whether we now give people too much grace because we have more detailed labels for conditions. Can someone like this change? Tom asks whether a lifelong manipulator can be rehabilitated. Colette says only if the person wants to change, and doubts Holmes does. She expects investors to back Holmes again. Colette says Holmes is reportedly moving to a halfway house soon and expects a follow-up film. Creative choices in the film. Colette points out things that shape how viewers see Holmes. The film shows a modest beach rental, while Holmes had recently lived in a very expensive home. It shows a drive to Texas for prison, when she reportedly flew private. Colette shares a story from Bad Blood: as a child, Holmes told a relative she wanted to be a billionaire. Colette's view is that Holmes is driven by greatness and power more than money, and wants to be the female Steve Jobs. Side discussion covers Silicon Valley "joining your delusion" and Jobs's approach to his own cancer. Gender and the "girl boss" angle. Tom notes that ruthless ambition in men is often admired. Colette says she champions women in business, but this is about someone harming others regardless of gender. She cites whistleblower Tyler Shultz, who recently warned never to underestimate Holmes. Her advice to viewers: see the movie, but think for themselves and look up the facts. Did Holmes like it? Tom asks how Holmes feels about the film. Colette cites a post-release interview where Fielder said Holmes told him she hadn't seen it yet but trusted him. Colette reads that as Holmes believing she had him where she wanted him. The hosts agree that a hit movie means "mission accomplished" for her. Wrap-up silliness. The episode ends with crude joking about Holmes's looks and "crazy eyes." Tom gets labeled "neurodivergent" by the others before the sign-off. Key Dates / Plugs Mentioned Recently: The comedy show night that kicked off the episode. Monday (this week): The guys discussed the Holmes film on the ACT show. Yesterday: Talked with Crespo, who recommended the film. Colette saw Fielder's post-release interview. Now: The Holmes film is in about 2,000 theaters with many sold-out showings, and streaming is expected soon. Soon: Holmes is reportedly being moved to a halfway house. Upcoming: Tom and Dan's event season, with Beerfest mentioned. Ongoing: Sponsor My Eternal Vitality at MyEternalVitality.com. Ongoing: Email the show at [email protected], including thoughts on the film. Ongoing: Colette's book, The Cost of Quiet, available wherever books are sold. Ongoing: Colette's other podcast, Insights from the Couch. Next week: New episode of Love Thy Neighbor. Notable Guests/Callers None in studio or on the phones: This was a hosts-only episode. Mentioned: Kentucky Steve (sat with Colette at the comedy show), Jimmy (Jim Colbert) and Jack (radio friends), Krista and Miles (handled the table reservation), Tracy (helps Dan with event logistics), Crespo (recommended the film), Laura (Colette's Insights from the Couch co-host), and Tyler Shultz (Theranos whistleblower).

Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads Central Homes Roofing: Commercial spot (added in post). Segment Rundown Cold open: Combos for dinner. Dan admits that when his daughter's mother is away, dinner is a bag of Combos with a side of salt and vinegar Bugles. The hosts joke that oversharing on the show works as their therapy. Someone adds that pro athletes probably eat Combos for dinner too. Birdgate setup. Dan brings up the Kelly Clarkson "Birdgate" story after seeing Colette's Instagram post about it. The hosts note it's been all over the major outlets, including a hashtag built from her song titles, and agree that making the news doesn't make something important anymore. Colette plugs her Instagram handle. The Art of Play. Colette lays out the facts. Clarkson visited Art of Play, a high-end magic, toy and curiosity shop in Brooklyn co-owned by wealthy partners, one of them an award-winning children's author. The hosts take a side trip into overpriced whimsical wooden toy stores (Winter Park Village, St. George Street in St. Augustine) and tease Clarkson for saying the store looked "rad." The Pretty Woman post. Clarkson posted that staff side-eyed her when she asked about a bird on the wall and treated her like she couldn't afford it, comparing it to the Rodeo Drive scene in Pretty Woman. Her fans piled on, and the store's reply came across as snarky rather than apologetic. The bird is a $15,000 animatronic piece by a Seattle artist. It's one of only two in existence and is fixed to the wall, and the price really refers to commissioning one from the artist. Video and tone-deafness. The surveillance footage shows a short exchange, and the hosts see no body language that looks rude, only Clarkson's frustrated exit. One host calls it tone-deaf to complain publicly about not getting to buy a $15,000 bird while people are struggling. The hosts compare her outfit to the breakdancer Raygun and point out that everyone in the store was dressed casually. Perception is subjective. Colette says everyone filters interactions through their own mood and hurts. She thinks a misunderstanding is more likely, since the bird wasn't really for sale and staff may have pointed her to a cheaper option. She mentions Clarkson's recent leave from her show and her divorce as context for a possible hard day. A host remembers being locked out of a gold shop in Little Vietnam. Punching down. Dan relates to firing off a reaction, and credits Tom with teaching him to "give it a beat." The hosts discuss consequences: employees fear going to work, the store has received threats, and the owner said Clarkson put them in danger. They talk about the responsibility that comes with a huge platform and the ripple effects on staff, contractors and families. Colette wishes Clarkson had asked her fans to back off instead of going silent. Colette's review scars. Colette describes a bad vendor experience around her book launch. When a colleague asked about that company, she gave a measured answer, and he quit two weeks after joining for the same reasons she had. She also tells how a couple who never became clients left her practice one-star Google reviews after she held a boundary, and her rating still hasn't recovered. Fan backlash. Colette's long Birdgate video drew a lot of views and some hate from Clarkson's fans, who number close to 9 million followers. Shane Gillis and SNL. Colette taking her shoes off sets off a foot joke aimed at Tom. The hosts mention BDM show voicemails asking why they didn't comment on Gillis using the word "whore" on SNL. Colette doesn't love the word, but she argues comedians need room to try things and fail, and the audience's groan was the pushback. Another host says Gillis likely planned the joke and ties it to a gym sketch from his own show. They compare it to Jimmy Kimmel and call the all-or-nothing online outrage exhausting. Outrage as distraction. The hosts see celebrity gossip and outrage as a distraction from real life, like any other vice. They note that online communication loses facial expression and nuance and turns into blame, character attacks and tribalism. The relationship lesson. Colette's main point: when our feelings get hurt, we either swallow it and build resentment or lash out with blame. The better path is to pause, ask why it hit so hard, and come forward vulnerably so repair is possible. Tom questions Clarkson's intent: was she trying to buy the bird, or to hurt the store? Taking feedback. Tom explains that Dan is emotional and feels criticism as an attack. Colette plugs her book The Cost of Quiet, says she leans toward people-pleasing, and tells about setting a polite boundary with someone who then attacked her character and used her own book against her. She uses a restaurant-manager example to show that you can't control how people react, even to kind feedback. Don't turn off the faucet. Dan says he and Andrea have worked on this: even if his face reacts, he needs people to keep giving him honest feedback so he can get the reps. Tom admits he tends to shut down instead. The chronically late guest. The hosts use a hypothetical about Colette running late to discuss a former guest who was always late. Tom stopped Dan from confronting him, and they joke about not wanting to lose his money. Colette walks through feedback that stays calm and uses "I" statements to find a joint solution. She admits she's more go-with-the-flow, and Tom says he still sends Dan a courtesy text when he's running late after 20-plus years. The Wi-Fi password fight. Dan says Andrea sometimes hears attacks before they come. Colette shares a fight with her husband Steve that started when she asked for the Wi-Fi password for her new Kindle. She heard his question as criticism, they argued over who was yelling, then she took a timeout, came back and they repaired it. The hosts joke about whether Steve agrees it was a good day, and Dan recaps his own day of Old Navy, Ulta and Sally Beauty. Wrap and plugs. The hosts thank Colette, plug her Instagram and news segment, and sign off until next week. Key Dates / Plugs Mentioned This week: Shane Gillis SNL topic covered on the BDM show, which prompted listener voicemails. Tomorrow morning, 10:30 AM: Colette's segment on Fox 35 Orlando. Ongoing: Follow Colette on Instagram at @ColetteJaneFehr. Ongoing: Colette's book, The Cost of Quiet. Ongoing: Colette's other podcast, Insights from the Couch. Ongoing: Central Homes Roofing (sponsor). Next week: New episode of Love Thy Neighbor. Notable Guests/Callers Colette Fehr: Co-host; therapist and author of The Cost of Quiet. BDM show listeners: Voicemails about the Shane Gillis SNL joke were mentioned but not played. Steve: Colette's husband, mentioned in the Wi-Fi password story. Andrea: Mentioned by Dan in the feedback discussion.

Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Episode: "Kentucky Steve" Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No sponsor segments or ad reads in this episode. Segment Rundown Cold open: credentials check. The hosts list what qualifies them. One was forklift certified in the early 2000s, one is a Universal Life Church reverend, and Colette has been a licensed relationship therapist for almost 15 years. They joke about their UCF degrees: an interdisciplinary studies degree and a business degree from before the internet. Colette shares that she started as an English and communication double major at Flagler and finished communication at UCF. Getting a reluctant partner to therapy. Listeners have written in about partners who resist couples therapy. The hosts note the stereotype that men are usually the reluctant ones. Tom says he felt that way years ago with Crystal. They have been together 20+ years since they were teenagers, and he worried that going to therapy meant they were headed for divorce. Not all therapy is equal. Colette says some people resist because they had a bad experience before. Couples therapy done by someone without specific training can do harm. She stresses researching therapists and finding one trained to work with two people and two truths at once. How to broach it. Her advice is to be open, honest and vulnerable. Frame therapy around how important the relationship is, ask how your partner feels, offer to do the research, and ask for just one session. She says more men are reaching out to her than when she started, and many tell her it's nothing like they expected. Don't ring the alarm bell. A host admits he tends to treat small problems as emergencies and compares it to a computer crapping out before an edit. The group agrees that urgency triggers divorce fear. The advice is to raise therapy during a calm moment, not mid-fight or as a threat. Fear of being the bad guy. Colette promotes emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT), which is based on attachment science, as the evidence-based gold standard, and says it doesn't take sides. Tom says he expected to face his wife plus "her lawyer." Instead he found a neutral mediator. The hosts joke about him then trying to keep the therapist on his side. Life in waves. Tom says relationships have highs and lows, and the goal is to spend more time in the middle. Therapy can even out the extreme bad stretches. Colette talks about "raw spots" from past wounds and plugs her book The Cost of Quiet. She explains that people tend to pick partners very different from themselves. As a big extrovert, she has almost always ended up with quieter partners. Finding the right fit. Look for specific couples training, ask which model a therapist uses, and make sure both partners click with them. Colette offers listeners referrals if she isn't the right fit. A host says most therapists he contacted readily referred him elsewhere. Colette notes clients often say she was the only one who responded, and says providing referrals is an ethical standard. Role play: "the game's on." A host plays a dismissive husband who refuses therapy, then floats Zoom therapy as a compromise. Colette says she doesn't do consultation calls or meet-and-greets and prefers clients come to her office. She does use Zoom for clients in other parts of the state and through her coaching company. The 11th hour. When a relationship is really struggling, Colette says to get honest without threatening. She cites a stat that over 70% of divorces are initiated by women, rising to about 90% among college-educated women, which gets a joke about college. She describes men who are only ready to work on things after their wife has seen a lawyer. Her point: if a partner asks for therapy, they're still fighting for the relationship. Hard things are valuable. A host is complimented for seeing value in difficult things like workouts and long business hours. The group suggests applying the same reframe to relationships. Enter Kentucky Steve. Colette mentions her husband, who is in his 60s and grew up on a farm in Kentucky, and says he probably wouldn't have done therapy if he hadn't married a therapist. The hosts riff on the character "Kentucky Steve": tractors, quiet coffee on the porch, snapping beans. They declare it the episode name. Busyness as identity. A host brings up a clip from Insights from the Couch about work-life balance and retirement. He relates to staying busy as his whole "dad personality" and admits he doesn't know what "taking care of yourself" means. Colette ties this to "gray divorce." Divorce is down among younger people but rising for those over 50, often after years on autopilot focused on kids and work. Relationships as plants. Colette compares a relationship to a potted plant, or even an orchid, that can't be neglected for decades. There are side jokes about one host loving plants and hating succulents, and Colette admits she has a black thumb. Give it one session. The recap for reluctant partners: the hardest step is staying open-minded, and the session itself is usually easier than expected. Faking it on pop culture. Tom admits he often pretends to know about news and pop culture stories, including the Cornell story Colette had brought up. Dan says Tom has done this to him for years. They talk about how algorithms give everyone different news feeds. A host says Kentucky Steve's feed would be sports, like Ja'Marr Chase's concussion protocol and whether there will be baseball next year. Cornell fraternity case. Colette summarizes a controversial case: a woman identified as Jane Doe alleges a sexual assault at a Cornell fraternity party two years ago, after first describing the encounter as consensual. The accused men were also intoxicated, and one says he was the one assaulted. The hosts stress they don't have enough facts to form an opinion. They discuss consent, intoxication, bystanders speaking up, and the need for more education for young people. They also question an article that told women never to go to fraternity parties. Echo chambers. The group discusses why jurors avoid media coverage, how outrage drives engagement, and how men and women are being pushed against each other. Colette mentions online "decentering men" content. A host compares this to lawyers who see lawsuits everywhere because that's their world. The Lindsay Clancy case comes up as another example. Mob justice. The accused students have been identified publicly, lost jobs, and their families have received death threats. Unaffiliated chapters of the same fraternity are also getting hate mail. Jane Doe may also have been targeted, possibly by swatting, and a host explains what swatting is. Colette hopes for justice through due process. Restricting internet access. A host floats the idea of restricting internet use for people who harass others online, comparing it to firearm restrictions in some states and rules for sex offenders. The hosts aren't sure of the facts and acknowledge the free speech and regulation tension. Closing: back to basics. Colette says all of this makes her want to simplify life and invest in human connection. She calls back to last week's dinner table conversation, saying connection with the people you love is the best medicine for well-being. Key Dates / Plugs Mentioned About two years ago: Timing of the alleged incident in the Cornell case. Last week: Callback to the previous episode's dinner table conversation topic. Ongoing: Colette's book The Cost of Quiet. Ongoing: Colette's other podcast, Insights from the Couch. Ongoing: Colette offers therapist referrals to listeners if she isn't the right fit. Next week: New episode of Love Thy Neighbor. Notable Guests/Callers None: No in-studio guests, callers or voicemails. The episode is the three regular hosts. Kentucky Steve (mentioned): Colette's husband, the episode's namesake. Crystal (mentioned): Tom's wife, in his story about going to couples therapy.

Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Episode: "The Dinner Divorce" (LTN48) Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No sponsor segments or ad reads in this episode. Segment Rundown Cold open: intro debate. The hosts argue over whether they need to introduce themselves at the top of every show. Tom calls it pointless since listeners already know who they are. They float making a new intro with names in it for year two, to mark the show's anniversary. What's a food divorce? Colette talks about her recent news appearance on "food divorce," which is when couples eat separately and each person handles their own meals. She puts it alongside other trends like sleep divorce. Dan asks why those couples even live together. The Dennis family dinner. Dan says he and Andrea sit down to dinner together every night, while Maisie often eats at dance. He calls the ritual almost as important as sex because it's when Andrea opens up, including her project manager work gossip. He also covers meal kits like Home Chef and Blue Apron and his weekly meal prep for Maisie. Colette on connection rituals. Colette explains that shared meals are one of the few unstructured connection rituals couples have left. People who grew up eating as a family tend to keep doing it. She shares how she ate alone in her room as a teenager after her parents divorced, making prank conference calls. Tom at the head of the table. Tom's family eats together too, and he likes sitting at the head of the table. He jokes that nobody should introduce themselves there either. He complains that his kids share nothing, eat slowly, and ignore his celebrity stories (he recently talked to the actor who played Puddy on Seinfeld). Colette suggests word games to liven things up, and Tom says his car-ride games haven't gone well. Dan's date nights. Dan says he's recently enjoyed date nights at a local tavern known for crispy pizza, where he mostly just listens to Andrea talk. Quiet Kobe. Tom's wife took their youngest son Max to Hamilton at Dr. Phillips, so Tom took his oldest son Tommy to Kobe Japanese Steakhouse. The two barely talked all night, then Tommy turned on the TV as soon as they got home. Lots of jokes about the oil, the "double white" rice, and the aftermath. Tom also recalls quiet car rides with the men in his family, including a story that started with "one time I killed a man." Companionable silence. Colette reframes the Kobe night: small talk isn't necessarily more connecting than silence, and parents shouldn't feel guilty about quiet moments. Dan and Andrea both thought the outing was great. Dan mentions upcoming one-on-one time with Maisie while Andrea travels for work. In defense of food divorce. Colette says her household basically has a food divorce because of schedules. She wants quiet after a day of doing therapy, and she and her husband still share meals a few times a week. She also points to GLP-1 use and the mental load of meal planning, often carried by women. Her takeaway: do what works, but make time to be present. "What's for dinner?" prank. A host describes his favorite prank: asking his wife what's for dinner at her most stressed moment. It works every time. Email: friend in a scam. "Baltimore Beef Stew" writes about a friend putting $50,000 into an MLM-style unclaimed property scheme despite being warned. Colette says he's already said his piece. Adults have to make their own choices, and he can set limits on what he'll do if it goes badly. Florida Treasure Hunt. The hosts explain that Florida's unclaimed property site, fltreasurehunt.gov, is a real government website even though the name sounds like a scam. They guess the scheme is built around middlemen charging people for money they could claim themselves. When it's your money too. Colette says it's different when a bad decision will land on you financially, like an elderly parent you'd have to support. She shares that she once voiced doubts when her late mother gave money to a questionable religious organization, then let it go. Ask before advising. Tom admits he's a blunt truth teller with the people he loves. His example is laughing off the Grizz's AI-assisted spy novel, and his wife says he comes off like a jerk. Colette's fix is to ask whether someone wants your opinion first. She notes that offhand comments can stick with people for years, and that it's okay to say you're not ready to hear someone's take. Tom's coward approach. Tom says he nods, checks his watch, and then says "that's not going to work" after the person leaves. Also a riff on a past helicopter pilot dream. You don't have a crystal ball. A host says he often stays quiet and then watches things play out just as he predicted. Colette counters that she has seen couples she privately doubted turn things around. She says it's unethical for therapists to tell clients whether to end a relationship, and references Dolly Parton hearing her plans wouldn't work. Joke about the Nigerian prince actually showing up. Email: wife in a hard season. A longtime listener says his 47-year-old wife is moody and down on herself, their kids are about to leave home, one child is struggling, and she has open heart surgery coming up. His compliments aren't landing. Colette says it could be any mix of perimenopause, health stress, empty nest, or feelings about the marriage. She recommends a conversation, possibly a few therapy sessions, and simply being present instead of trying to fix it. Name your own experience. Tom riffs on everything a husband should never say. Colette advises using "I" statements, like saying you feel helpless and worried, instead of telling the other person what's wrong with them. Empathy between genders. Tom says he's glad he never has to go through "the change." Colette lists what women deal with, and Tom agrees men have it pretty easy. Colette warns against letting online anger, tied to a recent news story, turn into hating all men. Perimenopause 101. Colette explains that perimenopause can start in the 30s (a chat room listener said hers began at 39) and that 51 is the average age of menopause. Technically, menopause is a single day, one year after the last period. She shares that she's had few symptoms, and that a past uterine ablation makes it hard to tell where she is. Next week teaser and close. Colette teases a story about a possible perimenopausal outburst that "traumatized" her husband. Chat room member Ryan coined "Quiet Kobe," and Colette jokes her book's paperback will be called The Cost of Kobe. Plugs and sign-off. Key Dates / Plugs Mentioned Recently: Colette appeared on the news talking about food divorce. Recently: Tom's wife and Max saw Hamilton at Dr. Phillips Center through her season subscription. Year two: The show is celebrating its anniversary, which prompted the new intro idea. Upcoming: Andrea's work trip to Austin, Texas, which means one-on-one time for Dan and Maisie. Upcoming holiday (Presidents' Day, per Dan): Dan has a day off to plan an outing with Maisie. Next week: Colette's perimenopause outburst story. Ongoing: Insights from the Couch, the hosts' other podcast. Ongoing: Send emails to [email protected]. Ongoing: fltreasurehunt.gov, Florida's official unclaimed property search. Notable Guests/Callers Baltimore Beef Stew: Listener email (made-up name) about a friend caught in an unclaimed property MLM scheme. Anonymous longtime listener: Email from a husband whose 47-year-old wife is going through a difficult stretch. Ryan (chat room): Coined "Quiet Kobe" / "The Cost of Kobe." Chat room listener: Said her perimenopause started at 39. The Grizz (mentioned, not on air): Friend whose spy novel Tom dismissed.