Claim OwnershipMistakes Were Made
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Non monogamy for imperfect people. Hosted by a queer therapist and her husband of 15 years. Sarah & Alex share their experiences opening their marriage, and interview guests about the struggles & rewards of doing relationships your own way. Mistakes Were Made is part advice, part confession, part culture critique. But it's all about learning from our missteps and stumbling toward liberation. Follow us on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/. Logo design by roy franklin of the Whatever Factory - https://www.whateverfactory.org/.
71 Episodes
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Guess who's been missing from this new wave of political organizing: CIS dudes. Alex grapples with how critique of toxic masculinity has left a gap in men's identity. And Sarah asks why so many progressive men are down to fuck, but not down to fight. Mentioned in the episode: Intentional Nonmonogamy Workshop | Sensitive New Age Guys | All About Love, by bell hooks | The Better Man, by Dr. Eric Fitzmedrud Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
Bi men are having a moment, and we're jumping on the bandwagon! Sarah talks to Quinn and Alex about discovering their bisexuality while practicing polyamory. Warning: Heated Rivalry spoiler alert at 35 minutes! Mentioned in the episode: Intentional Nonmonogamy workshop | Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat | The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl | Heated Rivalry | Esther Perel on Heated Rivalry | Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
What does Ai and folding laundry have to do with supporting your partner through a break up? Not very much, but both things sure did come up a lot in this episode! Sarah and Alex reflect on how it felt to care for each other during recent struggles with other partners, and share some tips for weathering turmoil in your relationship constellation. Mentioned in the episode: Intentional Nonmonogamy workshop | How To Love Your Polyamorous Partner When They Have A Broken Heart In An Open Relationship Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
Register for the Intentional Nonmonogamy Workshop on March 21st in Seattle with Sarah and Alex of Mistakes Were Made. Is polyamory a salve for loneliness? Or just a way to escape our fear of being alone with ourselves? Sarah reflects on her 'poly sabbatical' and Alex explores the psychological roots if his poly enthusiasm. Mentioned in the episode: HHS Report on Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation | Angela Garbes | The Cut - Quiet Quitting Your Marriage | Abigail Brenner - The Importance of Being Alone | Being Happy Alone is a Green Flag in Poly | Episode 18: Threesomes, Throuples and Unicorn Hunting Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
Evangelical-turned-athiest Tyson returns to the show, this time to help us unpack why so many people from religious backgrounds like his find their way to polyamory, and how religious trauma impacts our relationships. Mentioned in the episode: Pew Research: Evangelical Protestants in the U.S. | Poly Philia: Why Unicorn Hunting Doesn't Work | Hierarchical Polyamory vs. Non Hierarchical Polyamory vs. Relationship Anarchy Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
Sarah & Alex talk with Dr. Nicole, host of the Modern Anarchy podcast about jealousy, religious trauma and the first EVER study on relationship anarchy. Oh, and the parallels between psychedelics and New Relationship Energy (NRE). Mentioned in the episode: Upstream Podcast | Layla Martin | Talk: "Everything you Know About Addiction is Wrong" | New Relationship Energy [NRE] | Seek the Risk | Suicide rates by gender | People chasing ICE with their cars in Chicago Follow Dr. Nicole: Modern Anarchy with Dr. Nicole Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
It's an extra special live episode of Mistakes Were Made! Sarah and Alex are joined by Jessa Davis, Elizabeth Cunningham, and return guest Ramsey for a conversation all about relationship equality, representation, and how to talk to your family about polyamory. Tyson (remember him from episode 33: Solo Poly Showdown??) is our emcee. Mentioned in the episode: SCFRE | https://www.open-love.org/ Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
Has a relationship ever made you feel like a scared little kid? You might be resurfacing trauma from an earlier life stage. In the Season 5 premiere Sarah and Alex welcome spooky season with a deep dive into the many ways unexplored trauma could be what's messing up our relationships. Eek! 👻👻👻 Mentioned in the episode: Erikson's Stages of Development | True adolescence disrupted by Queer phobic context | Performative Male | Extended Adolescence | Parts Work | Dr. Gabor Maté | DARVO | SCFRE Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
What are my boundaries? What are my needs? How do I share them with my partners? Sarah and Alex try to understand the differences between rules and boundaries, needs and desires. Mentioned in the episode: Glitter & Greed: The Lisa Frank Story mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links.
Hollywood made a movie about open relationships (sort of). We watched it so you don't have to! Mentioned in the episode: Splitsville | Together | Together's free couples therapy gimmick | mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
Sarah and Jessica are fasting this week, so we're sharing an episode that first aired in the spring of 2024. Is polyamory inherently apolitical? Is it just an excuse for rich people to avoid thinking about climate change? Did Sarah accidentally make out with a Trump supporter at the ferry dock??? Tune in to find out! Mentioned in the episode: Parents Fast for Gaza | @parentsfast4gaza on instagram | @stute on instagram | The Atlantic - Polyamory, the Ruling Class's Latest Fad | Time Magazine - Polyamory isn't just for liberals: The Surprising Political Evolution of American Polyamory | More: A Memoir of Open Marriage | Stranger in a Strange Land mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links.
Sarah and Alex talk with therapist and 'Crush Coach' (it's not what you think), Calvin Burnap, about mindfulness, queerness and the gift of bad sex. Mentioned in the episode: The Crush Coach | The Crush Coach on Instagram | All About Love | Esther Perel | The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin | Jenny Hayo | Dan Savage mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org LInks to bookshop.org are affiliate links.
Sarah and Alex unpack the mournful refrain: "if only I was into girls," and question whether modern relationships between men and women are fundamentally doomed. Mentioned in the episode: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward | Midsommar (film) | The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood | If Hetero Relationships Are So Bad, Why Do Women Go Back For More? On The Cut mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!
How does death, loss and grief impact our relationships? After a year filled with loss, Sarah and Alex talk to a trauma-informed spiritual care provider about the taboos around death, and what happens to our desire when people around us die. Mentioned in the episode: Close to the Knives: A Memoir of Disintegration by David Wojnarowicz | Without: Poems by Donald Hall | Wayward Lives, Beautiful Experiments: Intimate Histories of Riotous Black Girls, Troublesome Women, and Queer Radicals by Saidiya Hartman mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!
Are the same dynamics screwing up our relationships also hampering our social movements? Sarah and Alex talk to activist and law professor Dean Spade about the romance myth, capitalism and love in this f*cked up world. Mentioned in the episode: Love in a F*cked Up World | DeanSpade.net | The Death Panel | Movement Memos Also by Dean Spade: Mutual Aid | Normal Life: Administrative Violence, Critical Trans Politics, and the Limits of Law mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!
Encore episode Romance: what does it mean?? Sarah, Alex and Jess talk about their favorite romantic movies on the hottest day of the year. And finally answer the question: what IS romance? Or, do they just come up with 5,000 new questions? Listen to the end to find out! This episode first aired in August 2024. Mentioned in the episode: Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989) | The Graduate (Mike Nichols, 1967) | Wayne's World (Penelope Spheeris, 1992) | John Mahoney | Limerence on Wikipedia | In Your Eyes mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by eroyn franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
Last episode we started to talk about race in dating, and tbh…mistakes were made. So this episode we're doubling down! Ramsey shares his experience dating as a Black polyamorous man in Seattle, offers advice for white people dating other races, and asks us "taboo" questions about our own experiences. Mentioned in the episode: Pacific Northwest BIPOC Polyamory group TV Shows & Movies Recommended by Ramsey: Atlanta Insecure A Million Little Things Moonlight I Am MLK Jr. The Boondocks Kindred This is Us Season 1 Match's 2023 Singles in America Study Facebook - Free Emotional Labor Club mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
We had such an interesting side conversation with Reagan about her experience working with a dating coach that we had to make a bonus episode all about it. Mentioned in the episode: Still True Reagan Jackson Anwar White, Dating and Relationship Coach Get Your Guy Podcast with Anwar White mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!
Sarah and Alex's skeptical monogamous friend Reagan Jackson is back to grill them about sex, jealousy, and whether they're just dating other versions of each other over and over. Mentioned in the episode: Still True Reagan Jackson Sarah's interview in Psychology Today: Societal Implications of Consensual Non-Monogamy The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love. bell hooks Queer and Questioning Men of Seattle Meetup Group mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!
Lissa joins the podcast to help us parse out the difference between polyamory and swinging. And Alex opens up about his not-so-hot sex party experience. Mentioned in the episode: https://seattle-inclusive-matchmaking.square.site/ Reach out to Lissa: weekdaypineapple@gmail.com mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org
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