The Selfish Woman

In this episode I reveal the next level of your journey - from midlife reinvention to full-blown feminine sovereignty. If you're a woman ready to rise into your power, lead with vision, and claim a life that reflects your true worth, this is for you.  I unpack the Queen Code (my brand new methodology), share the mythic framework behind the Sovereign Woman, and invite you inside the symbolic castle that holds it all.  Consider this your rite of passage.  Join The Phoenix  Subscribe to my YouTube channel  Get my book, The Selfish Year  Follow me on Instagram  Subscribe, share and leave a review!   

You've been swallowing your truth, avoiding conflict, and hoping things will change if you're just patient enough.  But your silence isn't safety....it's a slow death.  This week, I'm talking with Colette Jane Fehr, author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love, about why we stay silent, and what it costs us.  In this episode:  Why it's so hard to speak up (even when you know you should)  What to do when you get the same response every time you speak up  The curse of the good girl (and how it keeps you quiet)  How to get out of the Cave of Resentment  Self-connected communication: the framework that changes everything  The only way to build confidence (it's not what you think)  Your communication report card (we all have one!)  How conflict is the doorway to intimacy, not the end of it  Colette is giving us the tools to stop performing and start speaking.  Because the cost of quiet? It's your life.  Pre-order The Cost of Quiet here Follow Collete on Instagram  My Substack article, and free quiz: Reveal Your Mask   

Welcome to Season Five - and to 2026!  In this powerful kickoff episode, Valerie pulls back the curtain on what it really means to be selfish in a world that has taught women to disappear. This isn't just a refresher course. It's a full-on reintroduction to the philosophy, fire, and unapologetic truth at the core of The Selfish Woman movement.  You'll hear:  Why 'selfish' is still the most radical word a woman can claim  What the old Good Girl contract cost you, and how to burn it for good  Why every powerful woman you admire had to get selfish  How to give from overflow, not obligation  What's coming in 2026: bold new tools, mythic framewords, and sacred strategies no on else is teaching  If you're ready to make 2026 the year you come home to yourself, start here.  Get The Selfish Year  Subscribe to the YouTube series  Follow on Instagram  Get my blog, The Selfish Gospel  Go forth and be selfish.   

This is a personal episode for me, one that I feel led to share with you, because I know it's going to resonate.  There's a moment in every woman's life when she look at what she's been worshipping - success, motherhood, marriage, being 'nice' - and realizes none of it was built for her freedom. That's the holy sh*t moment. The one where you finally stop trying to earn gold stars for suffering and start knocking over every sacred cow that's been keeping you in a cage.  This is aboout burning down the old rules, setting yourself free from everyone else's opinion of you, reclaiming your wild self, and realizing that sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do...is commit a little heresy.  Take the Reveal Your Mask quiz  Get your copy of The Selfish Year  Inquire about working with me as a private client  Read The Selfish Gospel on Substack  Watch on YouTube 

Most people choose a word for the year based on what they want to achieve, acquire, or accomplish. But that's not how transformation works.  In this episode, I'm sharing why your word of the year should be about who you're becoming, not what you want to get. It's a practice in identity, not goals. A call toward the woman you're evolving into. not a to-do list disguised as intention-setting.  I'll walk you through:  Why choosing a word based on outcomes keep you stuck in the same patterns  The difference between a word that motivates and a word that transforms  My own experience choosing 'selfish' as my word in 2020 - what it taught me, how it challenged me, and why it was exactly what I needed  How to choose a word that serves your evolution (not just your ambition)  This isn't about New Year's resolutions or vision boards. It's about claiming who you're becoming and letting that guide everything else.  WATCH THIS EPISODE ON YOUTUBE:  I'm now posting full video episodes on YouTube! If you prefer to warch rather than listen, head over to my channel and subscribe so you don't miss future episodes.  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  The Selfish Year - available everywhere books are sold, or click here  CONNECT WITH ME:  Substack: The Selfish Gospel weekly essays  Book: The Selfish Year  Instagram  LET'S TALK:  What's your word for 2026? Drop me a message on Instagram or YouTube.  SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:  If you loved this episode, please subscribe and leave a review, on Spotify or Apple. It helps others find the show.  Thanks for listening. Now go choose your word, and let it choose you back. 

2025 is the Year of the Snake. 2026? The Year of the Fire Horse.  If you're familiar about Chinese zodiac symbolism, you know what that means: the Snake sheds what no longer fits. The Fire Horse charges forward with unstoppable momentum.  But here's the thing: you can't ride the Fire Horse into 2026 while still carrying 2025's dead weight.  This episode is about what needs to be shed now, before the year turns.  IN THIS EPISODE, I SHARE:  The symbolism of Snake and Fire Horse years: and what they're asking of us right now.  What a death cycle actually looks like (from someone living it): why you can't 'positive mindset' your way through and what to do instead.  The difference between shedding and suppressing: one creates space for growth, the other just buries what will resurface later.  A December ritual for intentional release: specific steps you can take this month to shed what's keeping you small, stuck, or performing.  Why 'not enough', shame, and old survival strategies have to go: and what becomes possible when you finally release them.  The gift of radical permission: why The Selfish Year is the book to give yourself (or someone you love) this holiday season.  What's coming in 2026: a hint at something I'm creating for women ready to make next year their Selfish Year  IF YOU'RE FEELING:  The tightness of an old identity that doesn't fit anymore  Exhausted by maintaining 'impressive'  Ready to stop carrying what's dead  Curious about what 2026 could look like if you actually chose yourself  ....this episode is for you.  RESOURCES MENTIONED:  Read the full essay: What a Death Cycle Actually Looks Like (from someone living it)  Get the book: The Selfish Year - perfect for gifting yourself and your friends permission this Christmas  Choose your 2026 word: Are you claiming SELFISH as your guiding intention for next year? Let me know!  SOMETHING'S COMING:  I'm gathering women who are ready to make 2026 their Selfish Year. A community....a container...a place where choosing yourself isn't rebellion, it's a homecoming.  I can't share all the details yet, but if you're feeling the pull toward radical selfishness - stay close.  CONNECT WITH VALERIE:  Instagram  Newsletter Work with Valerie  YOUR DECEMBER PRACTICE:  This month, ask yourself every morning:  What am I carrying that's already dead?  What old skin am I ready to shed?  What wants to emerge in 2026?  Then do one small thing - sage, movement, journaling, walking - to physically release it.  SHARE THIS EPISODE:  Know someone who needs permission to shed what's no longer serving them? Send them this episode. Sometimes the most generous thing we can do is name what's true.  RATE & REVIEW:  If this episode resonated please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other women find The Selfish Woman podcast when they need it most. 

In this episode I'm joined by Erin Gallagher, author of Hype Women: Breaking Free From Mean Girls, Patriarchy and Systems Silencing You.  Buckle up for a fiery conversation about what it really means to trust yourself after a lifetime of being told you're wrong. We talk about the incredible origin story of her book, and why she's not here to hype all women - especially not the ones still acting as foot soldiers for the patriarchy.  We also go there:  Who are the mean girls in your life?  Why do we keep trying to gather in circles with women who've burned us?  What does it mean to self-source instead of always giving your power away?  This one is bold, vulnerable and unapologetically honest. Press play and get hyped - for yourself.  Erin Gallagher is the CEO and Founder of Hype Women, an inclusive ecosystem hyping women to remember who the f**k they are, author of Hype Women, and host of the Hype Women Podcast.  Her book is an electrifying and extraordinary approach to life for ambitious women everywhere.  Connect with Erin  Buy your copy of Hype Women now!  The Phoenix private community  The Selfish Year 

What happens when strategic intelligence meets spiritual intuition?  In this electric conversation, I sit down with keynote speaker and author, Karen Romine, to explore the intersection of artificial intelligence and the unseen realms.  We talk about how AI is transforming the way we make decisions and scale our lives - and how inner knowing is the missing data point most women ignore.  Karen shares her journey from corporate strategy expert to discovering that she is a psychic medium (yes, both can live in one woman!), and how merging logic with intuition creates exponential growth.  This one's for the woman who knows she's meant to lead, but also trusts the whispers. The woman who wants to scale her vision without abandoning her soul. And the woman who's secretly felt there's more to 'data' than numbers.  We're not choosing between the mystic or the machine. We're using both.  Join Karen's book launch event  Get your copy of The Selfish Year   

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on what it really costs to be selfish. Not cute-selfish. Not #selfcare selfish. I'm talking about the kind of selfish that turns your whole life inside out. The kind that sets you free.  This is about the power you say you want...and the uncomfortable truth of what it takes to actually get it.  And I ask the question that could change everything:  Are you willing to pay the price for your power?  Introducing:  The Selfish Woman Protocol: From Masked to Magnetic  A 30-day experience for the woman who's done asking for permission. If you're ready to drop the masks, rewrite your story, and become magnetic as hell...this is for you.  Sign up to join the Protocol  Join the Exclusive Experience for $33 Get my book, The Selfish Year   

What if the way you've been taught to mother - your children, your dreams, yourself - was never yours to begin with?  In this potent conversation, I sit down with Dr. Gertrude Lyons, author of Rewrite the Mother Code: From Sacrifice to Stardust, to unravel the outdated scripts women are handed about what it means to mother, and how to rewrite them from the inside out.  We talk about:  The hidden 'mother codes' shaping every area of your life (whether you have children or not)  Why sacrifice is not sacred, and what actually is  Reclaiming mothering as a creative, cosmic force - not a job description  What changes when you mother from love, not lack  Whether you're a mother, mothering yourself, or birthing something new into the world - this episode is a permission slip to mother on your own terms.  Let's go from martyr to medicine woman.  Connect with Dr. Lyons  Get Rewrite the Mother Code Information on The Phoenix  The Selfish Year - get your copy now 

Every woman has her Everest - the dream that feels impossible until suddenly, it isn't.  I had my Everest moment and I'm sharing what it was, how I got there, and how you can do it too. And how there's always another mountain to climb, if you want it.  I also talk about the most personal piece of my journey yet: why I wrote The Selfish Year, who I wrote it for, and why it matters right now.  This isn't just about my story. It's also about yours. I'm pulling back the curtain on what it takes to move from a dream to reality.  If you've ever needed proof that your wildest dreams are possible - and the push to finally go after it - this is it.    Get your copy of The Selfish Year  Leave a review  The Phoenix Membership details  Want me as your Coach? Book a consultation here   

You weren't born nice. You were trained.  By mothers who were trained.  By systems that still benefit from your silence.  In this episode, you'll hear a casual girlfriend chat with Lesa Koski where we unearth the origins of our people-pleasing, the masks we wear to feel safe, and the slow-burning bravery it takes to start telling the truth.  Lesa and I unmask our Good Girls, and give you practical strategies so you can do it too.  Because underneath the mask of the Good Girl is a Queen ready to rise.  Lesa Koski is a wife, mother, grandmother, mediator, coach, and host of the Saddle Up Live podcast. Her journey has been anything but ordinary, but every twist and turn has brought her to a place where she now helps others live their best lives.  Connect with Lesa here  Get your copy of my book, The Selfish Year  Take my free quiz to reveal the mask you've been hiding behind 

Think you've outgrown your good girl programming? Think again. These 10 subtle habits might be sabotaging your power - and keeping you small without even realizing it.  You might not be saying 'yes' when you mean 'no' anymore - but the good girl still has her sticky little fingers in you. In this packed episode, I'm revealing 10 sneaky ways the good girl still shows up in your everyday life, and what to do instead.  From overexplaining to emotional shapeshifting, I'll break down the behaviours that seem harmless, but are actually keeping you stuck silenced, and small. If you're ready to step into your full, selfish, sovereign self, this one's for you.  Resources/Links:  Buy my book, The Selfish Year  Leave a review on Amazon  Leave a review on Goodreads  FREE: Guide to Decentering Men & Taking Your Throne   

Too many women think that taking the high road makes them strong, wise, or 'the bigger person.' But what if that road is actually keeping you stuck in self-abandonment, silence, and disappointment?  In this episode, I break down why the high road can be a trap, what to do instead, and how decentering men frees you to finally choose yourself.  Get my FREE Guide to Decentring Men and Taking Your Throne  Sign up for The Selfish Woman Newsletter  Get the Untethered Workshop  The Selfish Year - get your copy now!  Write a review for The Selfish Year 

This is the one I've been waiting to record.  In this final episode before The Selfish Year enters the world, I'm sharing the five lessons that truly saved me when I started over - from divorce, from the pain, from the life that looked good but felt empty.  These aren't tips. They're confessions. I wrote this book in blood, and I'm telling you the truth behind every chapter.  If you've ever felt stuck, invisible, or like you're pretending to live a life that isn't yours, this episode is your invitation to stop waiting.  It's not too late to choose yourself.  But it is the last week to pre-order The Selfish Year and support the book that starts a movement!  CLICK HERE to pre-order The Selfish Year and get your gift: The Selfish Woman Starter Kit (includes a Manifesto, the 7 Sacred Laws of the Selfish Woman, and a curated playlist I made to accompany the book)  Tag me with your book! IG: @thevaleriejones You're not meant to survive your life. You're meant to own it.  Love you. Mean it.  Val 

In this week's episode, I'm joined by Martine Cohen - author, speaker, and transformative coach - who brings a powerful blend of intellect and intuition to the conversation around healing, identity, and reclaiming your power from the inside out.  After a traumatic car accident and concussion changed the trajectory of her life, Martine began a deep journey into her own psyche, peeling back the subconscious layers that were blocking her light. What she discovered led her to write a book: No More Layers: Discover You Inner Power and Reclaim True Freedom from the Inside Out - a guide to navigating fear, breaking free from old beliefs, and returning home to who you truly are.  Martine's work is all about alignment, not performance. In this conversation, we talk about:  Why true transformation isn't about adding more, but shedding what's not yours  The tension between intellect and intuition  How a breakdown can become the most sacred doorway to freedom  The sneaky ways 'success' can become a mask  What it really means to live from the inside out  This one's for every woman who's tired of the masks, ready to reclaim her wholeness, and willing to meet herself beneath the layers.  Martine's Website  Feedspot Top 80 Badass Female Podcast List   

Sometimes, the truth doesn't arrive with fireworks. It shows up quietly...in the middle of the night...on your sofa.  In this episode, I read an excerpt from my new book, The Selfish Year - the moment I realized I couldn't stay in my marriage one second longer. The pain of staying had finally outweighed the fear of leaving.  We all have a 'sofa moment' - that still, undeniable instant when the life we've built no longer fits. Are you ignoring yours? Minimizing it? Or are you ready to hear it, and let it move you into action?  This is your invitation to stop pretending you don't know.  Pre-order The Selfish Year now, and step into the life that's waiting for you.  PRE-ORDER HERE   

Let's be real: how many hours have you spent replaying that moment, that choice, that mistake, wondering if you'd just ruined everything? Cringing in guilt and shame, and feeling like a failure?  This episode is your permission slip to let yourself off the hook.  In this raw and powerful conversation with bestselling author Jennifer Pastiloff, we dive inthe the shame stories women carry around motherhood, art, body image, relationships, and success. Jen shares her journey through grief, loss, and the beautiful mess of rebuilding. She reminds us that not only did we not fuck it up, but maybe...we can't.  Jen and I talk about her new book, Proof of Life: Let go, let love, and stop looking for permission to live your life.  We share the hilarious/mortifying/magical way we connected with each other and our mutual journey from shame into love.  Shame Loss: how to let go of the "I'm bad" belief.  The life hack Jen uses to stop saying 'sorry' all the time.  The magic of staying open, even when you want to hide.  Jen brings humor, vulnerability, deep compassion and bold truth in this episode, and I know you'll come away with a renewed belief in your life, and a permission slip to live it.  Get your copy of Proof of Life  Preorder The Selfish Year 

We've been told our whole lives not to want too much, need too much, or ask for more.  So we don't. We shrink, we wait, and we hope someone notices and gives it to us anyway.  And then we wonder why we're so tired, resentful, and invisible.  This episode is your wake-up call.  I'm pulling back the curtain on the hardest thing I've done lately: Asking for what I want, for what I deserve. I share the origin story of my book, The Selfish Year - the miserable woman I used to be, and the moment I stopped waiting for someone to save me.  You'll hear:  Why asking feels so wrong, and why that's a lie.  How we betray ourselves when we don't ask.  What selfish actually means for women who are ready to save themselves.  Why The Selfish Year isn't just a book...it's a rebellion.  If you've ever wanted more, but felt guilty for even saying it, this is for you.  And yes, I'm asking too: Please pre-order The Selfish Year!  Pre-order here and get The Selfish Woman Starter Kit as a big thank you from moi.   

If you call yourslef a 'control freak' like it's a badge of honour, this one's for you.  In this episode, I break down the truth about control: why it's not strength, what it's actually costing you in your body, your mind, and your relationships, and how to finally start letting go without everything falling apart.  We talk about:  The fear that hides under control  Why you're gripping things you don't even need to carry  The toll control takes on your nervous system, sleep, and confidence  The difference between what's actually yours to hold and what isn't  Why being a relaxed woman is your most powerful move.  And I leave you with one simple challenge you can take today to start practicing trust - in yourself and the people around you.  If you're tired of being 'the strong one' and ready to feel lighter, softer, and more magnetic, listen to this.  And don't forget to share it with the strongest woman you know.  Pre-order The Selfish Year and join Selfish Summer Camp  Email me: valerie@valeriejonescoach.com