Ego vs. EQ & You

You can teach someone the technical skills—but can you teach them how to handle feedback, manage emotions, navigate difficult situations, and work well with others?In Episode 40, Jen and Steve take a closer look at interviewing for emotional intelligence and why traditional interview questions may not reveal what you really need to know about a candidate.They share a fascinating example of a candidate who demonstrated integrity by uncovering misconduct at work, explain why behavior-based questions are more revealing than hypothetical “What would you do?” questions, and reveal a powerful interviewing technique called “contrary evidence” that can help you get beyond a candidate’s polished answers.You’ll also hear real interview questions you can use to uncover qualities like independence, adaptability, integrity, problem-solving, openness to feedback, and emotional maturity.If you hire people—or want to become a better interviewer—this episode will make you rethink the questions you’re asking.Because the best interview may not be the one that confirms what you already think about a candidate. It may be the one that reveals what you haven’t seen yet.

Where do you draw the line between driving performance and pulling strings? In this episode of the Verses series, host Jen Shirkani and co-host Steve Friedlein dive into the fine—and often blurred—line between motivation and manipulation in the workplace and beyond. Together, they explore who really benefits from behavioral changes, why manipulation gets a bad rap (and when it slips into control dramas or "crying as leverage"), and how leaders can build sustainable intrinsic motivation within their teams. Plus, Jen opens up about her personal pandemic-era burnout, sharing how taking a left-turn side hustle reignited her drive when traditional incentives fell short.Key Takeaways:The Benefit Test: How to determine if a strategy is mutually beneficial or one-sided coercion.Control Dramas in Action: Recognizing hidden manipulative tactics like martyr syndrome, extreme criticism, and emotional displays.Rebooting Lost Drive: Practical ways to build self-awareness, leverage flexibility, and find extrinsic or intrinsic energy when work hits a rut.#Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #WorkplaceCulture #Motivation #Podcast #EQ #Management #TeamEngagement #LeadershipDevelopment #WorkplaceDynamics #manipulation

The Competency Dilemma: When Being Good at Everything Becomes the ProblemAre you the person everyone goes to because you always get things done? Be careful—that strength can quickly become a trap.In this episode of Ego vs EQ & You, Jen and Steve tackle the Competency Dilemma: what happens when being capable, dependable, and willing to help leads to an ever-growing list of responsibilities. What starts as “Sure, I can help” can turn into task creep, burnout, blurred boundaries, and the uncomfortable realization that your effectiveness is being compromised by doing too much.The conversation explores why high performers struggle to say no, how ego and the need to be helpful can keep us holding onto responsibilities, and why “nobody can do it better than me” may be an EQ warning sign. They also discuss delegation, trust, self-discipline, work-from-home boundaries, and the importance of advocating for your own bandwidth.Most importantly, you'll learn how to recognize the Competency Dilemma before it leads to burnout or damages your credibility—and how to start setting boundaries, delegating, and letting go.Because sometimes the most emotionally intelligent thing you can say isn't “I can do it.”It's “I can't take that on right now.”And yes… that might be harder than it sounds.#emotionalintelligence #EQ #overworked #competent #boundaries #burnedout #stress #workplace #selfadvocacy #selfimprovement 

When does honest feedback become criticism? And does it really matter if your intent is good?Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein tackle the sometimes uncomfortable line between feedback and criticism. They explore why timing, tone, trust, specificity, empathy, and assertiveness can determine whether your message actually helps someone—or simply leaves them feeling defensive.They also challenge both sides of the conversation: If you're giving feedback, are you delivering it with the other person's improvement in mind? And if you're receiving it, are you willing to hear something that might sting?Because “I’m just telling it like it is” isn't always an EQ strategy. Sometimes the right message, delivered the wrong way—or at the wrong time—is the wrong conversation.A candid, funny conversation about saying what needs to be said without making people wish you hadn't said it.#EmotionalIntelligence#EQ#Feedback#ConstructiveFeedback#Leadership#LeadershipDevelopment#CommunicationSkills#DifficultConversations#WorkplaceCommunication#SelfAwareness#Empathy#Assertiveness#IntentVsImpact#WorkplaceCulture#EmployeeDevelopment#LeadershipSkills#ExecutiveLeadership#Coaching#EQatWork#EgoVsEQ

Is it better to stick your neck out or stick to the rules? In this episode, hosts Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein continue their signature Versus series with a deep dive into two opposing mindsets: Courage vs. Compliance.Jen and Steve break down the hidden risks and surprising benefits of both approaches. While courage sparks innovation and asserts needed boundaries, overusing it can come across as disruptive, ego-driven, or aggressive. On the flip side, while compliance offers reliability and process stability, leaning too heavily into it can lead to complacency, hidden stress, and explosive confrontation down the road.In this episode, you’ll discover:The Risk of Overusing Your Strengths: How too much courage can feel confrontational and too much compliance can destroy authenticity.The EQ Connection: Why high emotional intelligence is essential to remaining diplomatic when speaking up and staying process-minded without sacrificing relationships.Leveraging Opposite Styles: How partnering with someone who holds the opposite preference can keep you balanced, anchored, and effective.Actionable Self-Awareness: Practical ways to recognize your natural tendency and situationally adapt—stepping up when you need to be courageous, or pulling back when it’s time to listen.Email your comments, suggestions or questions to [email protected].