Long Distance, Bit Weird

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. It's a nice moment for the Commonwealth. This week, Sooz tells Michael about the history of squatting in Britain. Until 2012, you could legally occupy an unused building for FREE. As in, zero money. This situation allowed activists, artists, hippies, punks and others on the fringes of society to live for free while pursuing their work. Squatting has roots tracing back to the 14th century, when peasants attempted to occupy unused land owned by the aristocracy. Post WWII, returning soldiers with nowhere to live started occupying empty buildings, which inspired/forced the government to build social housing. It took until the 21st century for nervous landlords and the government to finally end squatting, once and for all. BUT FIRST: a terrifying story about staying in a beautiful home with a carpeted bathroom. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub. NOTE: this episode was recored live at a Travelodge in London, UK. At 31:05, a man in the neighbouring room banged on the wall because we were being too good at podcasting. *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.  *** Sooz is performing at the Two Brewers in foggy Londontown on March 29. Get your tickets HERE!

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. But tell that to someone and they won't believe you. This week Sooz and Michael welcome writer John Semley to the show to talk about the meaning of Wayne Gretzky at this particular moment in history. What do the Great One's MAGA inclinations mean for Canada? Has he tarnished his reputation and betrayed the Great White North? Furthermore, should the CBC make more movies about his father, Walter Gretzky? Tune in to find out! BUT FIRST: Sooz tells a harrowing cat story (trigger warning: diarrhea) and Michael pitches some ideas to bring Lolita into the 21st century. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub. Follow John Semley on Twitter and Bluesky. *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.  *** Sooz is performing at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern in foggy Londontown on March 8. Get your tickets HERE!

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. It's like something out of a humorous film. This week Sooz tells Michael the gravy-sodden history of the Sunday Roast, which goes all the way back to the reign of Henry VII in the 15th century. Which type of roast is the best? Is bread sauce nice? Should you eat six pounds of meat a week? Listen to find out! BUT FIRST: Sooz talks about what happened at her Nanna's funeral, Michael reveals how difficult it is to be seen in public with the copy of Lolita that Sooz gave him for Christmas, and we do another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub. *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.  *** Sooz is performing at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern in foggy Londontown on March 8. Get your tickets HERE!

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Oops! This week Sooz and Michael welcome comedian and podcaster Graham Clark to the show to talk about Canadian Heritage Minutes, a series of sixty-second short films that aired during commercial breaks in the 1990s. While Heritage Minutes tried to create a shared sense of Canadian national pride, their cheap production values and weird acting often undermined this noble aim.  PLUS: another edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub. Be sure to check out Graham on the long-running Stop Podcasting Yourself. *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Which is illegal. This week Sooz and Michael welcome comedian and writer Chris Stokes on board to talk about the cult British sci-fi sitcom Red Dwarf. We discuss the show's high points, occasional missteps and the American version that (thankfully) never was.  PLUS: Sooz gossips about the Winter Olympics. AND another edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub. Check out chrisstokescomedy.com for Chris' live dates and more! *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. But HOW??? This week Sooz and Michael are making podcast history by recording an episode LIVE from the Gatwick airport Travelodge. Is this some kind of funny joke? No. It's because this episode is about an issue that many long-distance couples face: staying in budget hotels to save money. From Travelodges to Premier Inns to Airbnbs and subterranean hotels in central London, Sooz and Michael spill the beans on what it's like to build a relationship while sleeping in rooms where the toilet is right beside the bed. PLUS: Sooz and Michael talk about an unforgettable birthday trip up the Shard. PLUS ALSO: another edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub. *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael. 

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Thank you. This week Sooz and Michael welcome comedian and writer Lucy Frederick to talk about the uniquely British phenomenon of afternoon tea. When did it begin? Should you have some? Should there be mice around when it is served? Lucy also talks a bit about panto, leading to a discussion of funny panto bloopers. PLUS: another edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub. Be sure to follow Lucy on Instagram. *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.  *** Sooz is performing a fundraiser in foggy Londontown on January 30th at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Get your £10 tickets to An Evening with Sooz Kempner here.

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. SOMEONE GIVE THEM A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. This week Sooz and Michael welcome comedian and writer Jordan Foisy to the show to talk about the bizarre phenomenon of Canadian right-wing influencers who have sought fame and fortune in the United States. We're talking Professor Jordan Peterson, Steven Crowder, Gavin McInnes and A FEW MORE. PLUS: Sooz blows Jordan's mind by telling him about Page 3 girls, and Michael presents yet another edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub. Be sure to follow Jordan on Instagram. *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.  *** Sooz is performing a fundraiser in foggy Londontown on January 30th at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Get your £10 tickets to An Evening with Sooz Kempner here.

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS??? This week Sooz tells Michael about the uniquely British phenomenon of Noel's House Party. It was the most popular Saturday night television show in the 90s, but why? Was it down to Noel's monologues, the Gotcha pranks, celebrity guests, Mr. Blobby, or Noel's impeccable hair? Listen to find out! PLUS: Sooz and Michael present yet another edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub. PLUS PLUS: Sooz flashes Michael several times during the recording. *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.  *** Sooz is performing a fundraiser in foggy Londontown on January 30th at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Get your £10 tickets to An Evening with Sooz Kempner here.  

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. CAN YOU GUESS WHO IS WHO? This week Sooz and Michael talk to comedian Andrew Johnston about the fascinating world of Canadian divas. We all know Celine, Shania and Alanis, but who was the very first one? How are Canadian divas different from American or British ones? Is Joni Mitchell a diva? And was Stompin' Tom telling the truth when he claimed that k.d. lang jumps around like a 'rangytang? Listen up to find out! PLUS: Sooz and Michael present a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub. Be sure to follow Andrew on Instagram and check out his most recent standup album Pomp & Circumcised.  Here's a clip of Aretha Franklin, Céline Dion, Shania Twain, Mariah Carey, Gloria Estefan and Carole King singing/fighting over (You Make Me Feel) Like a Natural Woman from Divas Live 1998. *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.  *** Sooz is performing a fundraiser in foggy Londontown on January 30th at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Get your £10 tickets to An Evening with Sooz Kempner here.  

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? This week Sooz and Michael kick things off by discussing urban wildlife, reliving a recent terrible meal in Toronto and presenting a new instalment of the hit segment "Letters To Wetherspoon News". Then it's on to the main event, as Sooz introduces Michael to the beloved British animated film Watership Down. Although this 1978 cartoon focuses on adorable bunnies and was marketed to children, in reality, it's a harrowing story about violence, power, fascism and the struggle for survival in a world where Death is always lurking and ready to strike. Eat your heart out, Buzz Lightyear! *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch Watership Down in FULL right now with commentary from Sooz (has seen the film 3853475345 times since 1992) and Michael (is watching the film for the first time and is TROUBLED by it). *** Sooz is performing a fundraiser in foggy Londontown on January 30th at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Get your £10 tickets to An Evening with Sooz Kempner here.

Welcome to episode three of Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? This week Sooz and Michael's guest is comedian Bilal Zafar, who stops by to talk about British football culture. Mascots. Chanting. The best movies about hooligans. We also spend more time than you'd expect discussing Brendan Fraser's 2022 movie The Whale. So, a little something for everyone! Be sure to follow Bilal on Instagram and subscribe to his Twitch channel. *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch Watership Down in FULL right now with commentary from Sooz (has seen the film 3853475345 times since 1992) and Michael (is watching the film for the first time and is TROUBLED by it). *** Sooz is performing a fundraiser in foggy Londontown on January 30th at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Get your £10 tickets to An Evening with Sooz Kempner here.

Welcome to the second episode of Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? It's time for the second half of our chat with author, critic, comic and musician Marc Burrows about the uniquely British phenomenon of the UK Christmas #1 single. This week, we learn about the children's choir that knocked a recently-murdered John Lennon off the #1 spot; the horniest Christmas song of the 90s; Simon Cowell's Christmas war with Rage Against the Machine; and the strange state of the Christmas #1 in the age of streaming. Be sure to get a signed copy of Marc's new book The Story of the Christmas Number One: Mistletoe & Vinyl, which makes a great gift! PLUS: Stick around until the end of the episode to hear Sooz Kempner's magnificent yuletide classic "O.J.'s Free For Christmas." *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get access to early episodes, bonus content and special surprises. *** Sooz is performing a fundraiser in foggy Londontown on January 30th at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Get your £10 tickets to An Evening with Sooz Kempner here.

Welcome to the very first episode of Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? To kick things off, Sooz and Michael welcome author, critic, comic and musician Marc Burrows to the show for the first half of a two-part episode about the uniquely British phenomenon of the UK Christmas #1 single. Did John Lennon and Yoko Ono start this trend? Did the grim state of the UK in the early 1970s inspire glittery glam classics by Wizzard and Slade? And which Christmas song has the most cocaine energy? Tune in to find out! Be sure to get a signed copy of Marc's new book The Story of the Christmas Number One: Mistletoe & Vinyl, which makes a great gift! *** If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, our second episode with Marc Burrows is up on Patreon right now.  *** Sooz is performing a fundraiser in foggy Londontown on January 30th at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Get your £10 tickets to An Evening with Sooz Kempner here.

COMING SOON! Comedians Sooz Kempner (Doctor Who’s Doom’s Day, Dinner With the Parents) and Michael Balazo (Schitt’s Creek, Evil Men) are long-distance lovers who live on different continents. Seeing as they spend hours each day talking on FaceTime, they thought they might as well start a podcast and monetize their relationship. Each week, Sooz and Michael talk to a comedian guest friend from Britain or Canada about life, love and weird stuff. Subscribe now for weekly episodes that you will love.