Estranged and Deranged

What happens when estranged parents stop begging for contact?In this episode of the Estranged & Deranged Podcast, Candy and Chris dive into one of the hardest phases of family estrangement — the moment when parents stop chasing, begging, emailing, texting, and trying to fix the relationship.Many estranged parents believe that if they just apologize enough, try harder, or reach out one more time, their child will come back. But what actually happens when that cycle finally stops?Candy and Chris share the emotional reality that follows:• the silence• the emotional vacuum• the grief that resurfaces• and the surprising dignity and freedom that can followThey also read real responses from estranged parents who shared what happened after they stopped chasing their adult children.This episode explores self-respect, boundaries, grief, identity, and the difficult journey of rebuilding a life after estrangement.If you're navigating estrangement, please know you are not alone.⚠️ Reminder: We are not therapists. We are parents speaking from lived experience.Resources & Support🌐 Websitehttps://estrangedandderanged.net💬 Join the Support CommunitySearch Facebook for When They Walk Away❤️ Support the podcast on Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDeranged00:00 Intro01:05 Comment of the Week (YouTube comment reaction)05:20 “Just apologize” criticism discussion09:30 The reality of parenting reflection12:10 Episode topic: What happens after begging stops15:00 Why begging becomes a habit18:30 The illusion of control22:00 The emotional vacuum25:30 Checking emails, texts, and social media28:40 The turning point: self-respect32:10 Real responses from estranged parents36:45 The silence after begging stops41:30 Emotional whiplash and grief46:10 Finding dignity again50:00 Rebuilding identity and life55:00 Redirecting your energy59:00 Practical steps to stop begging1:03:00 Support group and resources1:05:30 Closing thoughts ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Podcast Episode 13Family estrangement is painful, confusing, and often misunderstood. In this episode of Estranged & Deranged, we explore one of the most difficult parts of estrangement that many parents experience but rarely talk about openly: loyalty conflicts inside families.What happens when an estranged adult child cuts off one parent but stays connected to siblings, extended family, or even the parent who wasn’t present during their upbringing? How does loyalty shift inside families when estrangement happens? And what does it feel like when everyone around you still has access to your child or grandchildren… except you?Candi and Chris share real experiences navigating family estrangement, including stories about siblings caught in the middle, grandchildren being removed from relationships, and the emotional toll of watching family members maintain connections while you are shut out.This episode also builds on the powerful conversation from Episode 12, where we spoke with an estranged father about his experience and how estrangement can impact fathers differently than mothers.If you are navigating family estrangement, adult child estrangement, estranged parent relationships, or grandparent estrangement, this episode will resonate with you.Candi and Chris speak from lived experience, not clinical expertise. They are not therapists. They are two parents sharing honest conversations about the realities of estrangement and creating a space where these stories can finally be heard.Resources & WebsiteVisit our website for more resources, podcast episodes, and ways to connect:https://www.estrangedandderanged.netOn the website you can find:• All Estranged & Deranged podcast episodes• Support resources for estranged parents• Upcoming workshops and events• Opportunities to share your story• Ways to connect with the communityJoin Our CommunityIf you’re looking for support from others who understand estrangement, join our Facebook community:When They Walk AwayWe host a weekly Zoom support meeting every Wednesday evening where estranged parents and grandparents can connect, share experiences, and support each other through this journey.You are not alone in this.Chapters0:00 Welcome Back – Episode 130:45 Why This Episode Connects to Episode 121:40 Our Disclaimer – We’re Not Therapists2:20 Comment of the Week (The Eyeliner Debate)4:30 Dealing With Online Critics and Trolls5:40 Today’s Topic: Loyalty in Family Estrangement7:00 Candy’s Story – When an Estranged Son Reaches Out to a Sibling10:00 Feeling Hurt When Loyalty Feels Broken12:15 Protecting Your Heart From Information That Hurts14:30 When Estranged Adult Children Go In and Out of Relationships16:45 Is Estrangement Sometimes About Power and Control?18:30 When Families Stay Connected Except to One Parent20:30 Chris’s Story – Being Cut Off From Grandchildren22:45 Seeing Grandkids Through Social Media24:20 When Estranged Children Cut Off Everyone26:00 Loyalty Conflicts Between Parents and Family Members27:30 Why Some Estranged Children Reconnect With Absent Parents28:40 Finding Support and Community29:20 Final Thoughts – You Matter#estrangement #estrangedparents #familyestrangement #estrangedmother #estrangedfather #nocontactfamily #estrangedfamily #toxicfamily #familyhealing #estrangedandderanged ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Episode 12 is one of our most important conversations yet.For the first time, we’re joined by a father.Joe shares what it’s like to be blindsided by estrangement after a completely normal lunch with his daughter. No warning. No argument. Just a text filled with words like “toxic” and “respect my boundaries.”He hasn’t spoken to her since April 24, 2024.In this episode, we talk about:Being cut off without explanationWhen one parent is estranged but the other still has contactThe strain on marriage when loyalty feels dividedMissing a grandchild you’ve never metThe first year of shock and griefWhether begging for contact ever helpsWhat resilience really looks likeResearch shows many adult children who go no contact are estranged from their fathers. Yet in our 10,000-member community, men make up only about 2 percent.This episode matters.If you are a parent navigating estrangement, you are not alone. We see you. We hear you. And we will continue giving parents a voice.Visit estrangedandderanged.net for support resources and live event information. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

It makes you feel small.It makes you feel desperate.It makes you question your dignity.So why do estranged parents keep doing it?In Episode 11 of Estranged & Deranged, Chris and Candi take on one of the most painful and misunderstood phases of parental estrangement: begging.The texts that go unanswered.The emails sent into silence.The apologies for everything.The panic that says, “Fix this before you lose them forever.”This is not a conversation about weakness. It is a conversation about survival mode.When attachment is threatened, the nervous system reacts. Begging can become an attempt to restore connection, reduce uncertainty, and quiet the fear of permanent loss. But what happens when the reaching out only deepens the hurt?In this episode, we discuss:The psychology behind beggingWhy being “left on read” keeps parents stuckThe emotional cost of shrinking yourselfPower dynamics in estrangementWhen begging delays acceptanceWhat it feels like to finally stopThis is real talk from lived experience. No sugarcoating. No professional titles. Just two women having the conversations most people avoid.If you are an estranged parent struggling with when to stop reaching out, this episode is for you.You cannot spend the next decade on your knees trying to prevent a possibility. If they come back, you want to meet them standing up.Website: https://estrangedandderanged.netPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDerangedSubscribe so you never miss an episode. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Parental estrangement is more common than people realize — but the moment you say the word “estranged,” the room goes quiet.In Episode 10 of Estranged and Deranged, we talk about what really happens when estrangement enters everyday conversations. The silence. The judgment. The forced optimism. The comments that try to minimize something deeply painful.We also respond to this week’s “Comment of the Week,” where accusations of “not taking accountability” surface yet again — something many estranged parents hear regularly.In this episode, we explore:• Why people get uncomfortable when estrangement is mentioned• The stigma around estranged parents• Being accused of seeking sympathy• The emotional impact of phrases like “They’ll come around”• Why “At least they’re alive” doesn’t land the way people think it does• How estrangement affects grandparents and extended family• Why silence doesn’t heal family estrangementIf you are navigating estrangement from an adult child and feel misunderstood, judged, or minimized, this conversation is for you.You are not alone.CHAPTERS00:00 Welcome + Episode 1002:00 Comment of the Week: “Take Accountability”07:30 Accused of Seeking Sympathy12:00 When Estrangement Enters the Room18:00 Grief vs. Estrangement24:00 Real-Life Social Reactions31:00 “They’ll Come Around”35:00 “At Least They’re Alive”39:00 Judgment, Pity & Discomfort43:00 Why We Refuse to Stay Silent48:00 Support for Estranged Parents + Closing🔗 CONNECT WITH US🌐 Website:https://estrangedandderanged.net📚 Books on estrangement and grief are available directly on our website.🤝 Join our private Facebook support group:When They Walk Away – A Support Group for Estranged Parentshttps://www.facebook.com/groups/1110184627625310💛 Support the podcast on Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDerangedEarly access and additional content available for members. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode of Estranged & Deranged, Candi and Chris take on one of the most damaging and oversimplified narratives in estrangement conversations: the idea that if an adult child is estranged, they were automatically abused or neglected by their parents.Sparked by real comments, social media posts, and statements made by licensed professionals online, this episode challenges the growing belief that estrangement and abuse are interchangeable. Candi and Chris explain why this mindset is not only inaccurate, but harmful, especially to those who experienced real, severe abuse.Drawing from lived experience, decades of professional work in child welfare, and years of supporting estranged parents, this conversation explores how the word abuse has been diluted, misused, and applied without context, nuance, or individual examination.In this episode, we discuss:Why estrangement does NOT automatically equal abuseHow social media and therapy culture have blurred critical definitionsThe difference between abuse, conflict, hardship, and imperfect parentingHow perception and memory shape lived experienceWhy estranged parents are often labeled the villain by defaultThe impact of misusing the word abuse on those who truly need helpWhy accountability, reflection, and grief can exist at the same timeThis episode is not about denying pain.It is about restoring meaning, logic, and humanity to a conversation that has become extreme and polarized.If you are an estranged parent, an adult child trying to understand complex family dynamics, or someone navigating ambiguous loss, this episode offers perspective that is often missing from mainstream discussions.00:00 Welcome to Estranged & Deranged01:45 The Comment That Sparked This Episode05:10 Why Estranged Parents Are Labeled the Villain08:20 Does Estrangement Automatically Mean Abuse?11:40 When the Word “Abuse” Loses Its Meaning15:30 Therapy Culture and Defining Abuse19:40 Real Abuse vs Hard Family Life23:30 Extreme Examples and Where the Line Gets Crossed27:40 Perception, Memory, and Different Childhood Experiences31:00 Accountability, Dialogue, and Final Thoughts33:40 Support Groups, Resources, and Where to Find Us🎧 Listen or Watch on Your Favorite Platform🎥 YouTubehttps://youtu.be/I4kvdb3Vbjs🎧 Spotifyhttps://open.spotify.com/show/6TNAH4oNdGKE6cCCvW7r6C🍎 Apple Podcastshttps://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/estranged-and-deranged/id1865706449🎶 Amazon Musichttps://music.amazon.com/podcasts/84d2c2d7-6b9f-4744-abf0-a7b361107acf🌐 Connect With Estranged & DerangedWebsite:https://estrangedandderanged.netPatreon (early access, bonus content, and community support):https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDerangedStan Store (resources, links, and recommended content):https://stan.store/candilcan_328🔔 Subscribe for more conversations about:family estrangement, estranged parents, parental grief, ambiguous loss, accountability, healing, communication, and navigating complex family relationships. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Episode OverviewIn Episode 8, Chris and Candi return with a refreshed setup and introduce an exciting new chapter for the podcast, welcoming their new producer, Maranda Taylor.The conversation quickly moves into one of the most difficult and misunderstood aspects of estrangement: the belief that parents should carry their pain quietly, take full blame, and remain silent. Chris and Candi speak openly about what it feels like to be challenged publicly, judged without context, and told that parental grief is invalid.This episode explores the damaging cultural narrative that estranged parents are automatically at fault and therefore do not deserve empathy, voice, or grief. Together, they challenge the idea that accountability and pain cannot coexist and affirm that multiple truths can exist at the same time.🕒 Episode Breakdown & Key Moments(0:00–1:30)Welcome to Episode 8New setup and improved productionIntroduction of the podcast’s new producerLighthearted banter about the show’s name(1:30–3:30)Explanation of the weekly “Comment of the Week”Why these comments matterThe importance of parents having a voice(3:30–9:00)Candi shares a public comment that crossed the lineAssumptions about accountability and parentingAddressing the myth that estranged parents refuse reflectionClarifying that one estranged relationship does not define all relationships(9:00–12:00)Accountability, therapy, and introspectionEmotional impact of being publicly labeled and dismissed(12:00–16:00)Core topic: what society thinks parents should do with their painWhy the narrative demands silenceHow multiple truths can exist at once(16:00–19:30)Society’s discomfort with complexityPressure on parents to “just move on”Why estrangement grief is different(19:30–21:30)Mental and emotional toll of estrangementIdentity loss as a parentWhy silence can be dangerous(21:30–24:30)Why parental pain is minimizedGuilt, shame, and the villain narrative(24:30–28:30)Therapy expectations and responsibility dynamicsAdult-to-adult communicationAccountability as a shared responsibility(28:30–End)Final reflections on boundaries and humanityAffirmation that parents are allowed to feel painClosing thoughts on voice and healing💬 Key ThemesParental grief and ambiguous lossAccountability versus automatic blameSociety’s discomfort with parental painIdentity loss after estrangementHealing without silenceThe right to speak your truth🤍 Support the Podcast & Stay ConnectedIf Estranged & Deranged resonates with you and you want to support the podcast and stay connected, there are a few ways to join us.🔗 Visit the official website:https://estrangedandderanged.netLearn more about the podcast, upcoming episodes, resources, and the mission behind the conversations.🤍 Join us on Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDeranged?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLinkPatreon is where you can directly support the podcast, access exclusive content, and help sustain this space for estranged parents who deserve voice, compassion, and community.🤍Check Out Our Stan Stores: https://stan.store/griefandhealingwithchrishttps://stan.store/candilcan_328🎧 Listener TakeawayYou can take accountability and still grieve.You can reflect and still feel pain.Silence is not healing, and grief does not require permission. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Chris and Candi are back for Episode 7, and they are digging into one of the biggest recurring themes they hear from estranged parents: therapy language being used as a weapon instead of a tool. Starting with a real TikTok message about therapists letting clients “define” abuse, toxicity, and narcissism, they unpack why that approach can leave adult children confused, entrenched in labels, and less likely to move toward real healing or reconciliation.They talk about the rise of therapy buzzwords, the difference between validating feelings and treating feelings as facts, and why good therapy should challenge thoughts, add context, and help someone move forward with clear goals. They also discuss how public platforms and high-profile conversations can shape the narrative, why bias matters in any helping profession, and what ethical, effective therapy should actually look like for families on both sides of estrangement. As always, they remind listeners they are not anti-therapy, they are pro-accountability, pro-clarity, and pro-healthy healing for everyone involved. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Chris and Candi are back with a raw, funny, and brutally honest conversation about the phrases estranged parents get judged for even thinking, let alone saying. Inspired by a viral post and the reactions it sparked, they dig into six “forbidden” truths, from “I didn’t deserve to be cut off like this” to “working on myself didn’t fix it,” and why mixed emotions like anger and grief can exist at the same time. Along the way, they talk about silence, boundaries on both sides, the myth that estrangement automatically brings peace, and why society would rather avoid discomfort than make room for the parent perspective. They also share resources for support, including their Facebook community “When They Walk Away,” and tease the next episode on therapy and why it can help or harm the path forward. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Chris and Candi talk to the parents who are in the first days and months of estrangement and feel like the floor just disappeared. They unpack the shock, the grief that feels like loss but is harder to explain, and the spiral so many parents fall into trying to get answers, cling to crumbs, or “fix it” through constant contact. With honesty, humor, and a whole lot of real talk, they discuss what helps, what hurts, and why rebuilding your identity matters whether reconciliation happens or not. They also share how their support community works, why no one should go through this alone, and how to find a place to land when you are in the thick of it. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Some losses do not come with funerals. They come with silence, blocked numbers, and birthdays you only hear about afterward. In this episode, Candy and Chris talk about the particular heartbreak of being a grandparent in an estranged family system, where access to the kids becomes leverage and love gets treated like something that can be revoked. They name the ache that sits in the body when you are left wondering how they are doing, what they have been told, and whether they will remember you the way you remember them.With honesty, dark humor, and a whole lot of lived experience, they explore the emotional whiplash of seeing your grandchild in passing, the impossible pressure of wanting to protect the child from adult conflict while also refusing to disappear quietly, and the anger that rises when boundaries are used as a shield for cruelty. This is not a conversation about winning or being right. It is about the reality that there are no winners here, especially when the smallest people in the story do not get a vote.If you have ever felt the grief of being erased from a child’s life you deeply love, this episode will feel like someone finally said the quiet part out loud. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In the first episode of Estranged and Deranged, Chris and Candi finally hit record and share the story behind the show. Connected by family and by deep loss, they talk about how grief and parental estrangement intersect, why so many parents feel silenced, and what they are building through their growing online community and weekly support group. This podcast is not about bashing adult children. It is about giving parents a voice, making space for the layers, and helping people move forward with identity, joy, and support. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode of Estranged and Deranged, the conversation tackles how labels like toxic, narcissistic, and abusive are being flattened into slogans and shortcuts. Using a viral “toxic parent bingo card” as the lens, the hosts examine perception versus reality, sarcasm as a coping tool, and how validation culture can replace real dialogue. The episode creates space for estranged parents to question narratives, laugh where appropriate, and feel less alone while navigating a deeply personal and often misunderstood experience. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Episode two breaks down the common reasons adult children become estranged and the different ways estrangement can show up inside a family. Candy and Chris talk through the layers that often get ignored, including unresolved childhood pain, adult conflict that hits a breaking point, the influence of therapy culture and social media, peer validation, and mental health factors. They also explain the most common “types” of estrangement, from one-parent cutoffs to whole-family splits, silent ghosting, and on again off again cycles. Along the way, they address the hate comments, the misconceptions, and why their focus stays on support, honesty, and helping estranged parents move forward with their lives. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★