The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast ~ Hosted by Laurie Ellington ~ Poly-Coach

Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie sits down with counselor, author, and longtime polyamory educator Kathy Labriola for a grounded, honest conversation about jealousy as one of the most powerful teachers in open relationships. Together, they explore why jealousy is normal, how it shows up in the nervous system, and what actually helps people move through it without shame. Kathy introduces her well-known six stages of jealousy, explains why compersion is often overrated, and shares practical tools, including hypnosis and emotional processing, to build resilience and emotional steadiness. The conversation also touches on boundaries vs. control, conscious breakups, and why relationships changing form is not a failure, but a strength of ethical non-monogamy. Episode Highlights Why jealousy is a universal human experience — not a sign of failure The difference between jealousy, envy, and coveting Kathy's six stages of jealousy (and why neutrality is enough) Why compersion is "grossly overrated" Jealousy as a bundle of emotions: fear, anger, and sadness Using hypnosis and nervous system tools to work with jealousy Boundaries vs. control in committed relationships Reframing breakups as relationship transitions Why long-term polyamorous elders matter as role models   About Kathy Labriola Kathy Labriola is a nurse, counselor, and hypnotherapist based in Berkeley, California. For over 30 years, she has provided affordable mental health services to alternative communities, with a particular focus on consensual non-monogamy. She is the author of four influential books: Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships The Jealousy Workbook The Polyamory Break-up Book: Causes, Survival Polyamorous Elders: Aging in Open Relationships Kathy has been a card-carrying bisexual and polyamorist for over 50 years. She is proudly "extra crunchy" — riding her bike, living in a housing cooperative, growing organic vegetables, and raising chickens. She brings decades of lived experience, clinical insight, and deep compassion to her work supporting people in conscious relationship structures.   Links & Resources Mentioned Kathy Labriola's website: https://www.kathylabriola.com Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships The Jealousy Workbook The Polyamory Break-up Book: Causes, Survival Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoachingWork with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.  

Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington is joined by relationship coach, depth psychologist, and sex educator Dr. Joli Hamilton for an honest conversation about what it really takes to open a relationship without losing what you already have. Joli challenges the common advice that couples need to be "solid" before opening up, offering a more realistic and compassionate framework focused on flexibility, nervous system capacity, and differentiation. Drawing from her own 17 years of lived non-monogamous experience, she shares why opening a relationship does not fix problems, it reveals them, and why education is often more helpful than therapy when navigating ethical non-monogamy. Together, Laurie and Joli explore jealousy, autonomy versus security, person-inspired non-monogamy, grief, pacing, and why growth over comfort is often the real north star in conscious relationships. Episode Highlights Why "being solid" isn't the right metric before opening a relationship Flexibility and resilience as keys to sustainable non-monogamy The myth of opening a relationship to fix problems Nervous system capacity and relational pacing Autonomy vs. security in open relationships Person-inspired non-monogamy and why it's especially challenging Education vs. therapy when learning non-monogamy Grief, growth, and reimagining relationship futures About Dr. Joli Hamilton Dr. Joli Hamilton is a relationship coach for people who color outside the lines and the founder of The Year of Opening. She is a depth psychologist, AASECT-certified sex educator, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and co-host of the Playing With Fire podcast. With nearly two decades of experience, Joli helps people design non-monogamous relationships that are custom-built for their authentic selves — without shrinking, hiding, or forcing themselves into outdated relationship models. Her work centers individuation, nervous system capacity, and expanding what people believe is possible in love and partnership.   Links & Resources Mentioned Open Easier (free salon on the Five Pillars): openeasier.com Website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/  Joli's jealousy resources and TEDx talk (via https://www.jolihamilton.com/ )   Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/polycoaching  Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington is joined by somatic sexuality educator and facilitator Shadi Terra for a nuanced conversation about erotic power, embodiment, trauma-informed kink, and what it means to practice liberation through the body. Together, they explore how kink, tantra, and somatic work can be pathways to healing rather than harm when practiced with consent, self-awareness, and nervous system literacy. Shadi shares insights on erotic choice, power dynamics, and how reclaiming pleasure can be a radical act, especially for marginalized bodies and identities. This episode invites listeners to move beyond performative sexuality and into deeper truth, presence, and self-trust in their erotic lives. Episode Highlights Kink and tantra as tools for embodiment and healing Erotic power vs. coercion and unconscious reenactment Trauma-informed approaches to sexuality and BDSM Consent as an ongoing, embodied practice, not a checkbox The role of nervous system awareness in erotic exploration Reclaiming pleasure as a form of liberation Why slowing down creates more safety and depth Honoring choice, agency, and erotic authenticity About Shadi Terra Shadi Terra is a Shamanic Kink teacher and practitioner, sex and relationship educator, and transformational ritual facilitator. They support humans of all gender identities, ethnicities, and sexual orientations to stand in their power and claim their unique gifts. Over the past 12 years, Shadi has trained extensively in shamanism, sacred sexuality, conscious kink, nonviolent communication, and ritual. They have worked with ceremonial cacao as an ally for spiritual and emotional processing, taught by Keith Wilson, and are a faculty apprentice at the International School of Temple Arts, where they have studied since 2016. Shadi has studied Mayan cosmology with Tz'utujil elder Francisco Puac and is a devotional song carrier and shamanic voice channel. They identify as gender nonconforming, with a sexual expression that is largely kinky and ecosexual, and are deeply devoted to conscious, shamanic, and therapeutic BDSM as both an erotic and healing art form. Links & Resources Mentioned Workshops and teachings online https://www.terraviva.love/  International School of Temple Arts (ISTA) https://ista.life/ https://www.shamanickink.com/  https://www.instagram.com/shadi_terra/  Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching

Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with renowned relationship researcher Alison Armstrong for a powerful conversation about understanding differences between men and women and relating with clarity instead of conflict. Alison shares insights from over three decades of research, including her groundbreaking concept that men live with an "ever presence of death" while women live with an "ever presence of life." Together, they explore how these differences shape communication, intimacy, safety, and partnership across monogamous, open, and polyamorous relationships. This conversation offers practical tools for listening differently, verifying instead of assuming, honoring yourself first, and creating connection without punishment or self-abandonment. Alison's Gift for the Poly Tantra Kink Listeners As a special gift for listeners, Alison is offering her Making Sense of Men eBook for free. Making Sense of Men eBook (free with promo code) https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/products/makingsense.html Select "FOR ME" at checkout and use promo code AlisonGift2025 (Promo code expires 6/30/2026) Episode Highlights The "ever presence of death" in men and how it shapes behavior Women's connection to life, safety, and the eternal Why honoring yourself first is essential in relationships How assumptions create conflict and verification creates understanding Listening with different questions to transform connection Why Alison stopped coaching couples Understanding differences without making anyone wrong How curiosity replaces punishment in healthy partnerships About Alison Armstrong Alison Armstrong is a relationship researcher, author, and educator who has spent over 30 years studying human behavior to understand what brings out the best in men and women. Her work illuminates instinctive patterns that often undermine love and connection and offers practical, partnership-based alternatives. Through her books, seminars, live events, and extensive online programs, Alison has helped millions of people create more fulfilling relationships, stronger families, and empowered lives. Her teachings are widely referenced by therapists, coaches, and educators around the world.   Links & Resources Mentioned Alison Armstrong: https://www.alisonarmstrong.com The Queen's Code (audiobook): https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/products/queenscodebook.html Understanding Men program: https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/curriculum/und/um_details.html Understanding Women program: https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/curriculum/und/uw_details.html LUX program: https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/lux/ Alison Armstrong Online: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/PAXPrograms Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/UnderstandMen Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/TheAlisonArmstrong Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching If this conversation stayed with you, notice where similar patterns show up in your own relationships — personal or professional. Awareness doesn't fix everything, but it often changes what's possible. For support navigating complex relationship dynamics with nervous-system awareness, visit poly-coach.com.   #RelationshipPodcast #UnderstandingMen #UnderstandingWomen #HealthyRelationships #RelationalPatterns #ConsciousRelationships

Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie talks with sex educator and consent pioneer Reid Mihalko about navigating group social sexual spaces with more confidence and care. They explore how to prepare for play parties and retreats, understand different party cultures, and have clearer safer sex conversations. Reid shares practical tools for staying grounded, finding the right community for your nervous system, and using humor and consent to create connection instead of pressure. This episode is for anyone curious about or already exploring group erotic spaces.   Episode Highlights Preparing for play parties and group spaces Understanding different play party cultures Consent practices and welcome circles Safer sex conversations that build trust Staying grounded in high-energy environments Humor as a tool for easing awkwardness Aftercare and integration after events The Embrace the Awkward approach to initiation   About Reid Mihalko As seen on NETFLIX' "Chelsea Does..." alongside Chelsea Handler, Reid Mihalko (he/him) of ReidAboutSex.com is an internationally known sex and relationship geek who threw an orgy for Oprah's OWN Network on Lisa Ling's "Our America." He has led thousands of workshops and play parties, and his work has been covered by media outlets across 7 continents. His charisma and easy to understand, pragmatic advice has helped people at virtual and in-person events. His workshops and college lectures have been attended by over 60,000 people from across the globe. Reid would also like you to know that, in early 2018, some very brave people came forward during #MeToo sharing harms that Reid had caused them. Reid stepped down from teaching and initiated a transformative justice-based accountability process to address his misconduct and make amends if and where possible. The formal, year-long process along with Reid's apology and resources were shared publicly and can be found at TinyURL.com/reidaccountability. Follow @ReidAboutSex on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.   Links & Resources Mentioned Reid Mihalko's Play Party Resources: https://www.reidaboutsex.com/playparty  Sex Geek Summer Camp Consent and communication education by Reid Mihalko Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with modern tantra teacher Shawn Roop, founder of Tantra Quest, for a grounded and expansive conversation on presence as a lived practice, and not a performance. Shawn shares his unconventional path into tantra and how his work, rooted in Mahamudra Tantra, focuses on removing what's in the way rather than adding more techniques. Together, they explore why pleasure is impossible without presence, how maturity creates safety in open and non-traditional relationships, and why designing relationships from inner truth matters more than following external blueprints. This episode is an invitation to slow down, return to the body's intelligence, and let presence guide intimacy, sexuality, and relationship choice.   Episode Highlights Tantra as something you remember, not something you learn Presence as the foundation of pleasure and intimacy Removing obstacles instead of adding techniques Maturity vs. "safety" in open and polyamorous relationships Designing relationships from inner truth Embodiment as awareness, feeling, and action Why pacing and sobriety of mind create sustainability   About Shawn Roop Shawn Roop is the founder of Tantra Quest and a modern tantra teacher with over 25 years of embodied experience. Rooted in Mahamudra Tantra, his work is direct, grounded, and practical, supporting people in reconnecting with the intelligence of their body, energy, and awareness. Shawn works with individuals, couples, and teachers through classes, private sessions, and immersive programs. His teaching emphasizes presence over performance, empowerment over dependency, and removing what's in the way so people can access their own inner wisdom and live more truth-aligned lives. Links & Resources Mentioned Tantra Quest: https://tantraquest.com/ Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink. Free Resource: Inspired by this conversation about presence? Download The Pause Method, Laurie's free guide to slowing down, clearing what's in the way, and meeting relationship moments with embodied awareness.

Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie speaks with Dr. Betty Martin, creator of the Wheel of Consent and founder of the School of Consent, about what it truly means to practice consent with clarity, presence, and integrity. Dr. Martin shares the origin of the Wheel of Consent and the Three Minute Game, offering a grounded framework for understanding desire, choice, and responsibility. Together, they explore the difference between consent and permission, why receiving can be more challenging than giving, and how learning who an interaction is for can transform sex, relationships, kink, tantra, and everyday life. This episode is a foundational conversation for anyone wanting to relate more honestly to desire, boundaries, and embodied truth.   Episode Highlights The origin story of the Wheel of Consent The Three Minute Game and why it is more than a simple exercise Why consent and permission are not the same thing Learning to recognize who an interaction is actually for Why receiving can be harder than giving Asking for what you want as a vulnerable and essential skill Erotic integrity as telling the truth about desire Applications of the Wheel of Consent beyond sexuality, including business and social systems Why slowing down and tracking sensation creates depth and presence   About Dr. Betty Martin Dr. Betty Martin has worked hands-on with people professionally for over 40 years. Her background includes 30 years as a chiropractor and practitioner of other body-based modalities, followed by 15 years as a somatic sex educator and surrogate partner therapist. Her work is also informed by Contact Improvisation and embodied play practices. She is the developer of the Wheel of Consent, a groundbreaking model of receiving and giving that began with touch and now extends far beyond it into relationships, leadership, sexuality, and everyday life. Dr. Martin is the author of The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent. Betty spent years traveling internationally teaching a five-day Wheel of Consent training for practitioners, later training others to teach the work so she could step back from full-time instruction. She now mentors helping professionals across many fields, including psychotherapists, sex workers, and hands-on practitioners of all kinds. Links & Resources Mentioned School of Consent: https://www.schoolofconsent.org Free educational videos by Dr. Betty Martin The Art of Receiving and Giving by Dr. Betty Martin   Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoachingWork with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.  

Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with psychologist and somatic practitioner Dr. Stacy Ellis for a rich conversation about trauma, embodiment, nervous system regulation, and what it takes to create real, lasting change. Together, they explore how healing happens beyond talk therapy, why working with the body is essential for transformation, and how alternative relationship structures, sexuality, and conscious practices intersect with trauma-informed care. Dr. Ellis shares insights from her clinical work, group facilitation, and immersive workshops that help people move out of old patterns and into embodied presence. This episode is an invitation to slow down, reconnect with the body, and approach healing as an integrated, whole-person experience. Episode Highlights Why embodiment is essential for trauma healing Moving beyond talk therapy into somatic change Nervous system regulation and childhood conditioning Integrating psychology with body-based practices Supporting authentic expression and relational health Creating sustainable change through immersive work Healing as a present-moment, embodied process   About Dr. Stacy Ellis Dr. Stacy Ellis is a Doctor of Psychology, somatic practitioner, and international facilitator devoted to supporting deep personal transformation. With over fifteen years of clinical experience and a decade of leading ongoing groups, her work weaves together psychology, nervous system regulation, and embodied practices. Dr. Ellis is trauma-informed and trained in modalities including EMDR, IFS, TRE, EFT, NLP, somatic therapies, breathwork, and sound healing. She specializes in trauma, inner child work, LGBTQIA+ care, addiction medicine, alternative relationship styles, and cultivating a healthy nervous system. Her workshops and immersive experiences support people in moving out of old conditioning and into authentic, embodied living. Links & Resources Mentioned Liberation Workshops: https://liberationworkshops.com/ Website: https://drstacyellis.com/   Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

Show Notes In this opening episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie invites you into a raw and embodied exploration of why we are drawn to the edges of love, desire, and power. Through her personal journey with polyamory, tantra, conscious kink, plant medicine, and nervous system wisdom, she reflects on how "playing with fire" becomes a path of truth, liberation, and deep self-return. Laurie shares how years in ethical non-monogamy, periods of intentional solitude, and immersive experiences in tantra, BDSM, and ceremony shaped her relationship to intimacy, safety, and surrender. This episode sets the foundation for the season, opening a conversation about sacred sexuality, conscious relationships, and learning to meet intensity with presence rather than control. Episode Highlights Why desire often leads us to the edges of growth Fire as a metaphor for truth, transformation, and intimacy Lessons from ethical non-monogamy and conscious uncoupling Tantra and kink as practices of presence and nervous system safety Learning to surrender without losing yourself Integration as the bridge between insight and embodied change About Laurie Ellington Laurie Ellington is a trauma-informed poly coach, intimacy guide, and educator devoted to conscious relating, sacred sexuality, and embodied transformation. With over a decade of experience in polyamory, tantra, and kink-aware coaching, her work supports people in navigating desire, attachment, power, and nervous system regulation with honesty and care. Laurie's approach weaves together somatic awareness, relational skills, and spiritual inquiry to help clients meet intensity without bypassing, suppressing, or self-abandoning. She works with individuals and couples exploring ethical non-monogamy, open relationships, tantra, and conscious kink, offering a grounded path toward deeper trust, freedom, and connection. Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: https://poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching