LOVERS by shan

Conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships. Damage doesn’t have to be.In this episode, we explore what actually separates fights that bring couples closer from fights that quietly turn lovers into enemies. We talk about the moment arguments go sideways, why so many conflicts feel bigger than the issue at hand, and how couples can stay on the same team even when they fundamentally disagree.Our guest, Touré Neblett, draws on decades of navigating high-stakes, contentious conversations both publicly and privately to share what he’s learned about emotional regulation, repair, and conflict inside a long-term marriage. This conversation focuses on how disagreement can exist without contempt, and how learning to fight differently can fundamentally change the trajectory of a relationship.Follow TouréWebsite → https://toure.com Toure Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/toureshow/ Instagram YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo-SwvkGbQgDt3oXfASPPJQ youtube.comPodcast → Touré Show (Apple/Spotify) Books → Who’s Afraid of Post-Blackness? What It Means to Be Black Now; I Would Die 4 U: Why Prince Became an Icon; Soul City; Never Drank the Kool-Aid; The Portable Promised Land; Nothing Compares 2 U (available on Amazon and major booksellers)Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comReceive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Did you know, in 2023, more than 39,000 people were diagnosed with HIV in the United States and six territories, with Hispanic and Black individuals each accounting for more than a third (Source. CDC)In this episode of LOVERS, Shan sits down with Jonathan Van Ness for a conversation about receiving an HIV diagnosis, the years he kept it private, and the moment he decided he wanted the story to come from him. Jonathan shares what it felt like to catch himself holding back during interviews, how choosing to speak changed his relationship with his own truth, and the sense of relief that followed once he stopped protecting something that shaped so much of his life.They also talk about the realities of HIV today, why knowing your status matters, and how tools like PrEP fit into the larger picture of staying informed and reducing stigma.Follow Jonathan Van NessWebsite → https://jonathanvanness.com/Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/jvnYouTube → https://www.youtube.com/jvnJVN Hair → https://jvnhair.com/Podcast → https://jonathanvanness.com/podcasts/Books → https://jonathanvanness.com/books/Want more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comReceive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY RYU, our little munchkin just turned FIVE!And while Thanksgiving week is here, Jared and I felt like it was the perfect moment to sit together and talk about being parents. Somewhere between the sleepless nights, tiny victories, meltdown moments, and unexpected laughter, Ryu taught us something surprising: sometimes, love is giving someone your dirty socks.(It’s her quote, and honestly… she’s not wrong.)Together, we explore:✨ How becoming parents reshapes the way you love and the way you’re loved✨ The unexpected emotional cost and reward of raising strong-willed children✨ A reflection on why we are the way we areA conversation for anyone navigating love, partnership, and the wild joy of raising tiny humans.—⭐ Follow JaredInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady/?hl=enMusic MondayYouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKVWwEy39GLNzKXXt9v46TA⭐ Want more Lovers?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of LOVERS, Shan sits down with singer and songwriter Sabrina Claudio for a conversation about heartbreak, loneliness, friendship, and the lessons that shaped her new album.Sabrina talks openly about how loneliness can quietly influence decisions, including staying in relationships that feel draining. She shares what it was like to feel isolated even while partnered, why she struggled to speak up about what she was going through, and how she eventually chose to walk away. We also explore the idea of emotional detox, the feeling of carrying someone long after the relationship ends, and the moment she realized she needed to release what was weighing her down.If you have ever tried to heal while still holding on, or wondered why connection sometimes feels complicated, this conversation offers insight and companionship.Referenced in this episode: Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Systems Theory — the idea that our development is shaped by multiple layers of environment (from family + friends all the way to culture + society).Follow Sabrina ClaudioSabrina’s short film Fall In Love With HerInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/sabrinaclaudioTwitter → https://twitter.com/sabrinaclaudioYouTube → https://www.youtube.com/c/SabrinaClaudioWebsite → https://www.sabrinaclaudio.coWant more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comReceive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this intimate London-based episode of LOVERS, Shan sits down with the legendary storyteller and pleasure educator Seema Anand, the woman who transformed shame into sacred power.From being judged and silenced for her fascination with the Kama Sutra to becoming its most celebrated modern interpreter, Seema shares how self-love became her act of rebellion. Together, we talk about:✨ Growing up rebelling against libertine attitudes and then discovering Tantra✨ The link between shame, sensuality, and self-expression✨ Why women still feel guilt for wanting pleasure✨ The truth behind the Kama Sutra’s ancient wisdom✨ How to fall in love with yourself — unapologetically in your sixties or at any ageThis episode was inspired by our collaboration jewelry line KAMA, created to remind women to prioritize pleasure — in bed and beyond. Each piece is designed to honor the art of connection and confidence. In collaboration with Surmeyi, our Käma collection celebrates women’s bodies as inseparable from nature, and pleasure as the invisible force balancing the universe. Get your jewelry today:💎 The entire KAMA jewelry line is now back in stock for the holidays. Shop the collection: https://surmeyi.com/kamaAlso Seema’s brand new book Speak Easy is now available for preorderhttps://www.amazon.in/Speak-Easy-Field-Longing-Intimacy/dp/9361319337Interested in getting expert help spicing up your intimate life? Learn more about Arya, the couples subscription service that helps you make breaking the routine your new and exciting routine. Everyone is a lil kinky, and we all need help discovering ours - let Arya do all the hard work so you can focus on the fun part.http://arya.fyi/shanWant more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you to Ro for sponsoring this video. Connect with a provider at https://ro.co/lovers to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you.In collaboration with Seema Anand and Surmeyi, our Käma collection celebrates women’s bodies as inseparable from nature, and pleasure as the invisible force balancing the universe. Get your jewelry today:https://surmeyi.com/collections/kama -----Sacred, spicy, and still timeless — we had to bring this one back.Shan sat down with artist Tanerélle to dive deep into the world of sacred sexuality and conscious intimacy.Sacred sexuality is more than physical pleasure; it’s an intentional way of connecting through energy, presence, and deep emotional awareness. From gentle touch and stillness to moments of shared breath and meditation, it invites a kind of connection that transcends the body and opens the heart.This mindful practice can lead to profound release, heightened pleasure, and a fuller experience of intimacy, from multiple or non-ejaculatory orgasms for men to expansive, layered sensations for women.Plus, Brenden Durell joins to guide a special class in the LOVERS community. We go over sacred sexuality and breathwork, a transformative session on presence, connection, and embodied pleasure.Follow Taneréllehttps://www.instagram.com/tanerelle/  Follow BrendenInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/brendendurell/Website: https://brendendurell.com/ Want more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Calm your mind. Change your life. Try Calm by heading to https://calm.yt.link/2lLJh1b. ————————This week, Shan sits down with Grammy-winning artist Chrisette Michele opens up about being diagnosed with autism as an adult and the way that revelation helped her understand her rhythm, her relationships and what safety really means for her. She shares how music became one of the few places that always made sense, how her mom stood by her through the unknown, and how she finally began to remove the mask and meet herself.Later, we bring in expert Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC, founder of Autism in Black, Inc., to guide a deeper conversation around autism, neurodivergence, intimacy, and how we show up for those we love.Whether you’re neurodivergent, in a relationship with someone who is, or simply want to deepen your understanding, this episode invites you to explore how love, safety, and authenticity coexist.Follow Chrisette Michele:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisettemichele/ Website:chrisettemichele.comFollow Maria Davis-Pierre & Autism in Black:Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/autisminblack/ Website: https://www.autisminblack.org/Sign up for the 5th Annual Autism In Black ConferenceVirtual or In-Person Attendance: https://funnel.autisminblack.org/2025-autism-in-black-registration-page?aff=Christina-SchmidtWant more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you to Function Health for sponsoring this video! Visit https://functionhealth.yt.link/Eug9eKx or use code LOVERS100 at sign-up to own your health. The first 1000 get a $100 credit toward their membership.————————In her mid-30s, Chy Fontenette from Behind the Likes podcast finds herself facing what feels like a full-life reset: a breakup she didn’t choose, friendships shifting as she starts setting boundaries, and a growing awareness of the pain she’s carried for years. Through tears, honesty, and reflection, Chy admits she doesn’t know what’s next,  and Shan reminds her that she’s doing the most important thing of all: staying with herself through it.This episode is for anyone in that place where everything hurts and nothing feels certain. Shan offers tangible guidance on how to move through the fog, from becoming an archaeologist of your own life (digging up the moments you felt love and success before) to remembering Steve Jobs’ wisdom that you can’t connect the dots looking forward, only backward.The message is simple: you can’t rush this part. But if you keep caring for yourself, one day you’ll look up and realize, your life doesn’t feel so heavy anymore.Follow Chy Fontenette! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chy.f/Listen to her podcast “Behind the Likes”: https://www.behindthelikespodcast.com/Want more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are relationships supposed to be THIS Hard?This week on LOVERS, Shan sits down with Glen and Yvette Henry, the couple behind the viral family brand Beleaf in Fatherhood.Glen, known as Beleaf, has a new book coming out titled Father Yourself First, which challenges men to approach fatherhood as a path of healing, self-awareness, and personal accountability.In this conversation, Glen and Yvette open up about how hard marriage can be, especially after kids, success, and faith transitions. From getting married young to raising four children and growing a public platform together, they’ve faced nearly every challenge that tests a couple’s foundation.If you’ve ever wondered, “Is marriage supposed to be this hard?”, this episode is for you. It’s a raw and honest reminder that struggle doesn’t mean failure, it means growth.✨ Preorder Glen’s book: https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555 📺 Watch their YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@BeleafInFatherhood 🎧 Listen to their podcast “How Married Are You” https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.com/ Want more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Trigger Warning: This conversation includes a deeply personal story shared by André Holland, including a moment when someone he had affections for used a racial slur toward him. Listener discretion is advised.What happens when a core memory rewrites the story of how we see ourselves in love? In this week’s LOVERS episode, Shan sits down with actor André Holland to explore the pivotal memory that shaped his belief that he was never “good enough” as himself—and that he had to become someone “better” to be loved.They unpack how these deeply rooted emotional imprints steer our relationships—sometimes helping us, but often holding us back. André’s story reveals how early wounds can guide not just who we choose, but how we let love in.Whether you’re single, partnered, or somewhere in between, this episode is a powerful guide to: uncovering the underlying stories behind your intimacy rewriting beliefs that no longer serve you opening the door to deeper, more authentic connection 🎬 About Love, BrooklynWant more from André Holland? Be sure to check out his new film, Love, Brooklyn now playing in theaters. It will be available for streaming too!  Stay up-to-date and follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovebrooklynmovie/For more on André be sure to follow him on Instagram: http://instagram.com/andrehollandWant more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

To get 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp, visit http://betterhelp.com/loversbyshan. Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode!—This week, I interview Lilly Singh, actor and history-making content creator, with a new movie RIGHT up our alley: Doin’ It (yes it’s a movie about sex, specifically what happens when a South Asian virgin is assigned to teach sex ed). In this episode Lilly opens up about growing up in a world where emotional chaos felt familiar, why she kept gravitating toward toxic partners who gave her the bare minimum, and how she’s now doing the inner work (therapy, inner child healing, setting boundaries) to protect “little Lilly.”In this conversation, we explore how past wounds shaped her romantic choices, and how she’s rewriting that story one day at a time.🎬 About Doin’ ItYou can catch “Doin’ It” in select theaters or pre-order the film on Apple, Amazon, and Fandango to watch it at home as of October 7.For more information visit doinitmovie.com 🔗 Follow Lilly Singh Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lilly Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/LillyGrab her bestselling book Be a Triangle → https://www.lillysinghbook.comWant more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you to Ro for sponsoring this video. Connect with a provider at https://ro.co/lovers to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you.-----What happens when you realize the best sex of your marriage only shows up on vacation?Award-winning journalist, author, and podcaster Jemele Hill joins Shan for a conversation about how she uncovered the connection between stress, rest, and desire in her own marriage. She shares why her husband seems to get luckier when they’re away, how that awareness has deepened their relationship, and what it taught her about the balance between ambition, partnership, and intimacy.This episode is for my overachievers who struggle to “do it all,” for the happily partnered (or hoping-to-be), and for anyone who’s ever wondered how to bring that vacation spark back home.Together, Jemele and Shan break down:- Why “having it all” is a myth (and the price women pay for chasing it)- How silence around stress robs intimacy, and what to do instead- What “fair trade” in the home has to do with mutually desirable sex- Practical ways to bring vacation sex energy into everyday life🔗 Follow Jemele HillInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/jemelehill/Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/jemelehillWant more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you to Function Health for sponsoring this episode! Visit https://functionhealth.com/loversbyshan or use code LOVERS100 at sign-up to own your health. The first 1000 get a $100 credit toward their membership.-----What does it mean to choose love on your own terms? How do our values, self-worth, and cultural expectations shape the way we show up in relationships?In this conversation, entrepreneur, fitness model, and actress Rosa Acosta shares her perspective on redefining what relationships can look like when you step away from society’s scripts. She reflects on leaving behind relationships that don’t serve both partners, questioning inherited scripts about men and women, and what it takes to create intimacy outside of convention.This is a dialogue about love as partnership, the courage to release what no longer fits, and the art of rewriting our own story.🔗 Follow Rosa AcostaInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosaacosta/Cossa Mia: https://www.instagram.com/cossamia/Want more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Watch what happens when you ask for a performance review in your relationship. Do the hard and awkward questions lead to more intimacy or new resentments? In this week’s episode of Lovers, Shan sits down with her husband, Jared Brady, for their quarterly relationship check-in — on camera. Together, they ask the tough but necessary questions: Am I still who you want? Are you becoming who I need?This raw and real conversation reveals how couples can stay aligned, navigate change, and keep intimacy thriving over time. Plus, Shan and Jared share a free Relationship Check-In Guide so you and your partner can try this practice at home.Whether you’re dating, married, or somewhere in between, this episode is a roadmap for honest communication, vulnerability, and keeping love strong.The full conversation of Jared and I lives in my community in the premium tier. Resource - Interactive Guide https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/relationship-checkin 🔗 Follow Jared BradyInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady/?hl=en https://www.youtube.com/@MusicMondayEnjoyWant more Lover?Check out Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you http://loversbyshan.com Sign up to get a free weekly Love Letter from me http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter 💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Check out free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What does it mean to be ready for motherhood? How do love, faith, and our relationship with our maternal figures shape our parenting?In this honest and grounded conversation, educator, author, and activist Blair Imani shares her perspective on family planning, pregnancy loss, and the role of sexual education in real life. She opens up about having conversations with her partner around abortion as part of sexual health, and how her conversion to Islam continues to guide her through questions of timing, family, and faith.We also dive into Blair’s relationship with her mom, and how that connection influences her hopes for becoming a parent herself. It’s a conversation about the choices we face when planning for a baby, the loss and love that come with it, and the bigger role faith, values, and family play in planning our future. 🔗 Follow BlairInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/blairimaniTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@blairimaniYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@blairimaniWebsite: https://www.blairimani.com/ Want more Lover?Check out Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you http://loversbyshan.comSign up to get a free weekly Love Letter from me http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityCheck out free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What holds a relationship together when life falls apart? Most of us picture the happiest moments when we think about our partner, but what happens when tragedy hits? In this intimate conversation, Dr. Laura Berman shares how she and her husband weathered some of life’s hardest storms together. From dating him while she was caring for her young son with cancer, to the unimaginable loss of their son Sammy during the pandemic, Laura takes us inside the moments that tested their love, and the choices that kept them connected.Days after the death of their first child together, Sam pulled Laura close and said, “Most couples don’t get through tragedies like this, but we will.” It’s a reminder that the strength of a relationship isn’t just built in joy, it’s forged in the fire of what you survive together.Want more Lover?Checkout Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you http://loversbyshan.comSign up to get a free weekly Love Letter from me http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityCheckout free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter________________________Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on Lovers, Shan sits down with The Pink Parley, a sex worker pulling back the curtain on what men secretly crave but rarely admit—even to their wives. With 98% of her clients being married men who have no desire to leave their marriages, Parley reveals the surprising request that keeps them coming back: ass worship.Yes, you read that right. These men don’t just want to “eat the groceries”—they want to be consumed by, suffocated by, and utterly surrounded by the booty. For them, it’s not just an act of pleasure; it’s a full-body, sensory experience.Together, Shan and Parley unpack what this hidden desire tells us about:- The gap between fantasy and communication in long-term relationships- The role of body positivity in sexual confidence and desire- How unspoken cravings can complicate fidelity inside marriageThis episode is provocative, eye-opening, and an important reminder that what we don’t say in the bedroom can be just as impactful as what we do.🔗 Follow The Pink ParleyWebsite: https://thepinkparley.com/Instagram: http://instagram.com/thepinkparleyWant more Lover?Checkout Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you http://loversbyshan.comSign up to get a free weekly Love Letter from me http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityCheckout free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter________________________Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What does it really mean to build a relationship outside the rules you were taught? Is it still polyamory if only one person has other lovers? And most importantly, what happens when that dynamic actually works for you?In this honest and eye-opening conversation, multi-disciplinary entertainer, author, and founder of Movement Genius, Alyson Stoner, shares their experience in their polyamorous journey. We dive into the importance of knowing your own capacity for connection, and Alyson’s go-to communication tool: Frequency, Duration, and Intensity. It’s a simple yet powerful way to check in about how often you connect, for how long, and with what level of emotional depth.Even if you’re monogamous, this framework can change the way you relate, helping you set boundaries, stay aligned, and make sure your relationships feel balanced and intentional. Whether you’re curious about polyamory or simply want tools for building healthier, more intentional partnerships, this episode will leave you thinking about love in a whole new way.🔗 Follow AlysonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/alysonstonerTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@alysonstonerYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@alysonstoner📚 Preorder Alyson’s new book Semi-Well-Adjusted Despite Literally Everything (Out August 12, 2025) → https://static.macmillan.com/static/smp/semi-well-adjusted-9781250353498/ 🧠 Learn more about Movement Genius → https://www.movementgenius.com/Want more Lover?Checkout Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you http://loversbyshan.comSign up to get a free weekly Love Letter from me http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityCheckout free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if “happily ever after” starts and ends with just you?In this bold and expansive episode, Shan dives into The Eartha Kitt Effect—a cultural and emotional awakening inspired by the legendary performer Eartha Kitt, whose unapologetic views on love, compromise, and individuality continue to resonate decades later. This “effect” refers to the growing movement of people, especially women, who are choosing the single life on purpose, not by default.Joining Shan is Dr. Bella DePaulo, renowned social psychologist and author of Single at Heart, to unpack why some of the most fulfilled people are not in romantic relationships—and never want to be.Together, they explore: 🔥 Why Eartha Kitt’s viral interview moment ("Compromise? For what?") sparked a generation of self-partnership 🌱 How choosing not to center romance can lead to deeper personal growth, freedom, and connection 🧠 The science behind happiness in singlehood and the myth of the “incomplete” single person 💔 How media and social norms still stigmatize solo living—and what it looks like to rewrite your own happy ending Eartha’s now-iconic 1982 interview, where she laughs at the idea of compromising for a man, has become a symbol for self-honoring love. Her words echo across social media as more people step into identities that aren’t centered on romantic validation but on personal wholeness.Whether you're single by choice, rethinking long-term relationships, or simply seeking permission to define love your way—this episode is your affirmation.✨ The Eartha Kitt Effect is here so listen now and ask yourself: What if “happily ever after” starts and ends with you?🔗 Follow Bella DePaulo: Website: belladepaulo.com Books: Single at Heart, How We Live Now, and more – Amazon💞 Want more from Lover? → Meet Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you: loversbyshan.com → Get a free weekly Love Letter straight to your inbox: Join the newsletter → Join the Lovers Community: loversbyshan.com/community → Try free quizzes + worksheets: Deepen your relationships📩 For ads or inquiries: team@loversbyshan.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Does making friends get harder as you get older?  How the hell do I make friends? This episode is a rerun, and it's STILL very accurate. According to the American Perspective Survey, May 2021, many people are not satisfied with the size of their friendship group. About half of Americans (51 percent) report they are very satisfied or completely satisfied with the number of friends they have. 30 percent say they are only somewhat satisfied, and 17 percent say they are not too or not at all satisfied with the number of friends they have.If you fall in that range of little to no satisfaction in friendships, here’s what you need to know about creating a bond. So, how long does it take to make a new friend?- 50 hours before you consider them a casual friend - 90 hours before becoming real friends - 200hours- before becoming close friends source: 'Journal of Social and Personal Relationships' As the New York Times reported in 2012, there are “three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.” Cultivating emotionally intimate relationships, in other words, takes more work than just compliments.In this episode, I sit down with my friends Krista and Tabia, and we talk about our friendships, the ups, downs, and the work it takes to make them work. A special thank you to Kamil Lewis, LMF,T, and Danielle Bayard-Jacskon, Bumble Friendship Expert, for lending their expertise on forming friendships. Follow the guests on this episode:Follow Shan:https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram/http://tiktok.com/shanboody   / @loversbyshan  Follow Krista: https://www.instagram.com/itskrista/https://www.instagram.com/almost30podcast/Follow Tabia:https://www.instagram.com/tabiacharles/Follow Danielle Bayard-Jacksonhttps://www.instagram.com/daniellebayardjackson/https://www.instagram.com/friendforward/Follow Kamil Lewis, LMFThttps://www.instagram.com/kamil.lewis/?hl=enhttps://www.instagram.com/theexpansivegroup/?hl=enhttps://www.instagram.com/safewordpod/Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.