Too Smart For This

Hiiii angels, surprise! I'm back with a bonus episode with the one and only Julia Cabral, Senior Director of Product Marketing at LinkedIn.We chat about her career pivot from finance to marketing, why today's job market requires you to take agency over your own career path, and how building your personal brand on LinkedIn isn't optional anymore whether you're a creator, corporate girly, or entrepreneur. Julia breaks down the exact LinkedIn profile upgrades you need to make, how to start creating content even if you're not a "content person," and why the question "what energizes you vs what drains you" changed her entire career trajectory.If you want to build your dream career and launch your personal brand in 2026, this episode is your guide for getting started and how to leverage LinkedIn to your advantage.What You'll Learn:Why reflecting on what energizes vs drains you can change your careerHow Julia pivoted from finance to marketing and understanding transferable skills Why the job market has shifted to skills-based hiring instead of title-basedThe importance of building your personal brand online even if you're not a creatorEasy LinkedIn profile upgrades:3 low-pressure post ideas to get started on LinkedIn todayWhy "personality over personal" is the rule for LinkedIn contentABOUT THE GUESTJulia Cabral is the Senior Director of Product Marketing at LinkedIn, where she leads marketing strategy for LinkedIn's feed and video products. She's also a content creator herself, sharing career advice and marketing insights on LinkedIn. Before pivoting to marketing, Julia spent years in finance at LinkedIn, and she's been a spin instructor on the side for nearly a decade. She's all about multifaceted careers, owning your narrative, and helping people put themselves out there authentically.Follow Julia on LinkedIn: Julia Cabral FlavinWHERE TO FIND ALEXIS & TOO COLLECTIVEFollow along with Alexis:Instagram:@alexisbarber: https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarber/?hl=en@toocollective: https://www.instagram.com/toocollective/?hl=enSubstack:Too Smart For This Newsletter: https://toocollective.substack.com/TikTok:@alexisbarber_: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_YouTube:Subscribe here: http://www.youtube.com/@alexis_barberShop the Episode: https://shopmy.us/shop?Curator_id=250549Book Office Hours: Work with Alexis Here:https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22112790&appointmentType=79833937Get the Journal: Too Smart For This: A Guided Journal Here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761193/too-smart-for-this-by-alexis-barber/Questions, thoughts, or want to collaborate with Alexis or Too Collective? Email Alexis at alexis@alexisbarber.comABOUT TOO SMART FOR THISYou're ambitious. You're overwhelmed. And you're definitely too smart to keep sacrificing your well-being for someone else's definition of success.Too Smart For This is the show for ambitious material girls just like you who are learning how to channel their chaotic energy into a more intentional and fun life.Join your host, Alexis Barber (author, Wharton MBA, former Google/YouTube strategist, and certified ambitious material girl), every Monday for the frameworks, authentic conversations, and tangible tools you need to build a life that's both driven and deeply enjoyable. Because self-care is part of the business plan—and you're too smart to settle for anything less.Subscribe now and follow @alexisbarber and @toocollective for more.ABOUT YOUR HOSTHello, love!I'm an ambitious material girl obsessed with wellness, business, consumer culture, and the creator economy. I write from New York City, where I'm busy enjoying being young, gifted, and Black, oversharing online, and remembering that self-care is part of the business plan.This show is supported by Other Kind Media — otherkindmedia.com

ABOUT THIS EPISODEWe’re back for Week 5 of the Alignment Edit and this week is allll about your look. And before you think this is going to be some superficial beauty standards thing, it's not. Well, mostly. This is about the mental energy you're spending every single day either actively criticizing how you look or passively not showing up the way you want to because you haven't figured out what actually works for you.When Alexis talks about "your look," she's not just talking about clothes. She's talking about the entire vibe you give off – your style, your beauty routine, your accessories, your hair, and the way you show up when you walk into a room. Two people can wear the exact same thing and have completely different looks.This episode is about removing the friction between who you are right now and who you want to be, getting back the time and mental energy you lose when you spend three hours deciding what to wear, finding your signature pieces, your color palette, and your style words. Listen ladies, you’re allowed to care about how you look! And this is your permission slip to do just that. What You'll Learn:Why your appearance affects your confidence more than you thinkHow to find your style words and color paletteGetting rid of fantasy self clothes and the 20% ruleDressing for your proportions and body typeHigh maintenance to be low maintenance beauty philosophySkincare routines, laser hair removal, body care, and treatments that actually workWhy caring about your appearance isn't vain and is actually about getting time and energy backEPISODE CHAPTERS[00:00] - Welcome to Week 5: your look [07:30] - Finding your style ethos[13:45] - Style tips: style words, color palette, and signature pieces[21:20] - Fantasy self clothes, proportions, and the things you actually wear[26:50] - Beauty and appearance: laser hair removal, body care, skincare routines[32:15] - Deciding your personal commitment to beauty WHERE TO FIND ALEXIS & TOO COLLECTIVEFollow along with Alexis:Instagram:@alexisbarber: https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarber/?hl=en@toocollective: https://www.instagram.com/toocollective/?hl=enSubstack:Too Smart For This Newsletter: https://toocollective.substack.com/TikTok:@alexisbarber_: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_YouTube:Subscribe here: http://www.youtube.com/@alexis_barberShop the Episode: https://shopmy.us/shop?Curator_id=250549Book Office Hours: Work with Alexis Here:https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22112790&appointmentType=79833937Get the Journal: Too Smart For This: A Guided Journal Here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761193/too-smart-for-this-by-alexis-barber/Questions, thoughts, or want to collaborate with Alexis or Too Collective? Email Alexis at alexis@alexisbarber.comABOUT TOO SMART FOR THISYou're ambitious. You're overwhelmed. And you're definitely too smart to keep sacrificing your well-being for someone else's definition of success.Too Smart For This is the show for ambitious material girls just like you who are learning how to channel their chaotic energy into a more intentional and fun life.Join your host, Alexis Barber (author, Wharton MBA, former Google/YouTube strategist, and certified ambitious material girl), every Monday for the frameworks, authentic conversations, and tangible tools you need to build a life that's both driven and deeply enjoyable. Because self-care is part of the business plan—and you're too smart to settle for anything less.Subscribe now and follow @alexisbarber and @toocollective for more.ABOUT YOUR HOSTHello, love!I'm an ambitious material girl obsessed with wellness, business, consumer culture, and the creator economy. I write from New York City, where I'm busy enjoying being young, gifted, and Black, oversharing online, and remembering that self-care is part of the business plan.This show is supported by Other Kind Media — otherkindmedia.com

ABOUT THIS EPISODE Hii angels! Welcome to Week 4 of the Alignment Edit, where Alexis is talking about your space and why the environment you live in matters more than you think.Alexis has been obsessed with beautiful environments since she discovered a Pottery Barn catalog in her aunt's bathroom at age 6 (she’s obviously been an aesthetic icon ever since). Growing up in chaotic, difficult spaces made her hyper-aware of how much your environment affects everything. Your space isn't just about aesthetics. It's about signaling to yourself that you're worth taking care of, and creating an environment that supports your actual habits instead of the ones you think you should have. In this episode, Alexis breaks down how to organize your space based on who you actually are, why small investments matter more than you think, and how to create flow instead of friction in your daily life. Plus: feng shui tips, the closing shift ritual, romanticizing winter with candlelight, and why folding your clothes is grown woman behavior.This one's for the girls who know their space is affecting their mood but don't know where to start.SEE YOU AT THE ALIGNMENT EDIT IRL: https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/6829649?c=.pi129.pkpartner_social_host_experiences_alexis_barber&utm_campaign=T2 What You'll Learn:Why your space signals to yourself (and the universe) whether you deserve to be taken care ofHow to organize based on your actual habits, not the ones you think you should haveWhy everything needs a place and how to declutter without guiltFeng shui basics: money corners, mirrors, and why you should never live somewhere with a 5 in the addressHow to use scent to anchor different activities (work candles vs. relaxation candles)Small luxuries that make a huge difference How to romanticize winter and make your space feel like a safe havenEPISODE CHAPTERS [00:00] - Welcome to Week 4: Your space [06:15] - Why your space signals to yourself whether you deserve to be taken care of[11:30] - Organizing based on your actual habits (the ADHD-friendly approach)[18:45] - Taking inventory of what bothers you daily [24:20] - Feng shui, scent anchoring, and defining spaces for specific activities[29:50] - Small luxuries that make a huge difference: bedding, bathroom, kitchen, and taper candles[34:10] - Wrapping upWHERE TO FIND ALEXIS & TOO COLLECTIVEFollow along with Alexis:Instagram:@alexisbarber: https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarber/?hl=en@toocollective: https://www.instagram.com/toocollective/?hl=enSubstack:Too Smart For This Newsletter: https://toocollective.substack.com/TikTok:@alexisbarber_: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_YouTube:Subscribe here: http://www.youtube.com/@alexis_barberShop the Episode: https://shopmy.us/shop?Curator_id=250549Book Office Hours: Work with Alexis Here:https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22112790&appointmentType=79833937Get the Journal: Too Smart For This: A Guided Journal Here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761193/too-smart-for-this-by-alexis-barber/Questions, thoughts, or want to collaborate with Alexis or Too Collective? Email Alexis at alexis@alexisbarber.comABOUT TOO SMART FOR THISYou're ambitious. You're overwhelmed. And you're definitely too smart to keep sacrificing your well-being for someone else's definition of success.Too Smart For This is the show for ambitious material girls just like you who are learning how to channel their chaotic energy into a more intentional and fun life.Join your host, Alexis Barber (author, Wharton MBA, former Google/YouTube strategist, and certified ambitious material girl), every Monday for the frameworks, authentic conversations, and tangible tools you need to build a life that's both driven and deeply enjoyable. Because self-care is part of the business plan—and you're too smart to settle for anything less.Subscribe now and follow @alexisbarber and @toocollective for more.This show is supported by Other Kind Media — otherkindmedia.com

ABOUT THIS EPISODEHello Angels! Alexis is calling in from Miami (at the EDITION hotel, living her best life, obviously) to talk about the hardest part of the Alignment Edit: money.Money has been the biggest thing in her life since she was a kid — growing up on food stamps, being the scholarship kid at boarding school, then taking out six figures in student loans at Wharton. After graduating into a completely different financial reality than she expected, all the old scarcity patterns came rushing back: the anxiety, the shame, the feeling like a failure. So she had to take money off the pedestal, stop making it mean things about her worth or safety, and interrogate every belief she had, including why she was so afraid to say out loud that she wants to make a million dollars this year.This episode breaks down the five shifts that completely transformed her relationship with money: separating worth from net worth, stopping the overwork cycle that made her think she had to earn safety, letting herself want a lot without apologizing for it, stopping the judgment of people who have money (because that judgment blocks you from making more), and getting strategic about actually making more money instead of just saving harder.PLUS, the Alignment Edit is coming to you IRL!!!! Alexis is launching in-person workshops at Bon Studio in Williamsburg — first session is January 25th! Learn more and grab your tickets here: ALIGNMENT EDIT IRL https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/6829649?c=.pi129.pkpartner_social_host_experiences_alexis_barber&utm_campaign=T2 What You'll Learn:How to take money off the pedestal and stop making it mean things about your worthThe 5 shifts that transformed her relationship with money:Shift #1: Your worth is not your net worthShift #2: Stop making money do emotional jobs (overworking doesn't equal safety)Shift #3: Let yourself want a lot of money without apologizingShift #4: Stop judging people with money (it's blocking you from making more)Shift #5: Get strategic about making more money instead of just saving harderWhy wanting material things doesn't make you greedy (and why women moralizing money keeps us small)How to normalize wealth in your nervous system and reframe greed as generosityEPISODE CHAPTERS[00:28] - Hello from Miami[01:44] - Announcement: The Alignment Edit IRL workshops at Bon Studio in Williamsburg[04:36] - Week 3: Money (and why this was the hardest alignment edit to write)[05:47] - How money became everything[12:26] - Graduating Wharton with six-figure debt and falling back into scarcity[10:04] - The core shift: taking money off the pedestal[13:50] - Shift #1: Stop assigning your worth to your net worth[16:28] - The graduation story[18:12] - Shift #2: Separate money from men, work, and protection[19:19] - Why overworking doesn't equal deservingness[21:18] - Shift #3: Let yourself want a lot of money [22:59] - Why women are better with money and why wanting things isn't shallow[25:03] - Shift #4: Stop judging people with money[27:04] - The influencer overconsumption conversation and moralizing money[28:11] - Shift #5: Make more money (get compensated, build visibility, take initiative)[31:53] - Reframing greed and why not all rich people are bad[34:41] - Wrapping up + journal promptsWHERE TO FIND ALEXIS & TOO COLLECTIVEFollow along with Alexis:Instagram:@alexisbarber: https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarber/?hl=en@toocollective: https://www.instagram.com/toocollective/?hl=enSubstack:Too Smart For This Newsletter: https://toocollective.substack.com/TikTok:@alexisbarber_: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_YouTube:Subscribe here: http://www.youtube.com/@alexis_barberShop the Episode: https://shopmy.us/shop?Curator_id=250549Book Office Hours: Work with Alexis Here:https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22112790&appointmentType=79833937Get the Journal: Too Smart For This: A Guided Journal Here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761193/too-smart-for-this-by-alexis-barber/Questions, thoughts, or want to collaborate with Alexis or Too Collective? Email Alexis at alexis@alexisbarber.comABOUT TOO SMART FOR THISYou're ambitious. You're overwhelmed. And you're definitely too smart to keep sacrificing your well-being for someone else's definition of success.Too Smart For This is the show for ambitious material girls just like you who are learning how to channel their chaotic energy into a more intentional and fun life.Join your host, Alexis Barber (author, Wharton MBA, former Google/YouTube strategist, and certified ambitious material girl), every Monday for the frameworks, authentic conversations, and tangible tools you need to build a life that's both driven and deeply enjoyable. Because self-care is part of the business plan—and you're too smart to settle for anything less.Subscribe now and follow @alexisbarber and @toocollective for more.ABOUT YOUR HOSTHello, love!I'm an ambitious material girl obsessed with wellness, business, consumer culture, and the creator economy. I write from New York City, where I'm busy enjoying being young, gifted, and Black, oversharing online, and remembering that self-care is part of the business plan.My career TLDR:Bounced from Google Marketing to YouTube creator strategy before getting my MBA from The Wharton School at The University of Pennsylvania.Started and ran a premium bathrobe brand that collaborated with Rare Beauty & Bumble, and I'm the author of Too Smart for This: A Journal to Build Self-Trust and Stop Settling for Less Than You Deserve, published by Tarcher Books.Been a lifestyle influencer for 5 years, collaborating with 75+ brands across TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, and was named by the American Influencer Council as a Trailblazer in the microinfluencer category.This show is supported by Other Kind Media — otherkindmedia.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

ABOUT THIS EPISODEWelcome to Part 2 of the Alignment Edit, where we're tackling health and wellness. But this isn't about becoming an Olympic-level athlete or a wellness queen, this is about shifting from viewing wellness as punishment to seeing it as a practice that protects your mind, your energy, and your ability to show up for the life you're building.After all, we are nothing without our health.In this episode, Alexis gets honest about her relationship with her body — from being diagnosed with MS at 15 and deprioritizing her health for years, to finally learning how to nourish herself from a place of love instead of control. We're talking winter wellness routines, the alter ego effect for stubborn habits, eating patterns that need major editing (hi, entire box of Ritz crackers for dinner), and why scheduling your preventive health appointments is an act of self-trust.This isn't about perfection, angels, it's about building a better baseline so your health can hold the big life you're dreaming of.What You'll Learn:Why wellness needs to shift from punishment to practiceThe alter ego effect: how to embody a different version of yourself for stubborn habitsWhy your eating habits might be stuck in an old identity (and how to edit them)The importance of scheduling preventive health appointments as an act of self-trustHow to approach wellness from a place of nourishment, not optimizationWinter wellness essentials: steps, supplements, and small rituals that actually workEPISODE CHAPTERS[00:30] - Welcome to Week 2: why health is the foundation that holds everything else[03:22] - You are nothing without your health (and what MS taught me about control)[05:25] - Shifting from punishment to practice: reframing your wellness why[07:58] - The alter ego effect: embodying a different version of yourself[12:55] - Eating habits that need editing (those Ritz crackers for dinner are doing nothing for us, sister)[15:02] - Letting go of old identities around food and movement[16:40] - Preventive health appointments: gynecologist, dentist, blood work, and more[18:15] - Winter wellness essentials: steps, supplements, and small upgrades[20:07] - Week 2 wrap-up: finding alignment without becoming a wellness perfectionistWHERE TO FIND ALEXIS & TOO COLLECTIVEFollow along with Alexis:Instagram:@alexisbarber: https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarber/?hl=en@toocollective: https://www.instagram.com/toocollective/?hl=enSubstack:Too Smart For This Newsletter: https://toocollective.substack.com/TikTok:@alexisbarber_: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_YouTube:Subscribe here: http://www.youtube.com/@alexis_barberShop the Episode: https://shopmy.us/shop?Curator_id=250549Book Office Hours: Work with Alexis Here:https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22112790&appointmentType=79833937Get the Journal: Too Smart For This: A Guided Journal Here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761193/too-smart-for-this-by-alexis-barber/Questions, thoughts, or want to collaborate with Alexis or Too Collective? Email Alexis at alexis@alexisbarber.comABOUT TOO SMART FOR THISYou're ambitious. You're overwhelmed. And you're definitely too smart to keep sacrificing your well-being for someone else's definition of success.Too Smart For This is the show for ambitious material girls just like you who are learning how to channel their chaotic energy into a more intentional and fun life.Join your host, Alexis Barber (author, Wharton MBA, former Google/YouTube strategist, and certified ambitious material girl), every Monday for the frameworks, authentic conversations, and tangible tools you need to build a life that's both driven and deeply enjoyable. Because self-care is part of the business plan—and you're too smart to settle for anything less.Subscribe now and follow @alexisbarber and @toocollective for more.ABOUT YOUR HOSTHello, love!I'm an ambitious material girl obsessed with wellness, business, consumer culture, and the creator economy. I write from New York City, where I'm busy enjoying being young, gifted, and Black, oversharing online, and remembering that self-care is part of the business plan.My career TLDR:Bounced from Google Marketing to YouTube creator strategy before getting my MBA from The Wharton School at The University of Pennsylvania.Started and ran a premium bathrobe brand that collaborated with Rare Beauty & Bumble, and I'm the author of Too Smart for This: A Journal to Build Self-Trust and Stop Settling for Less Than You Deserve, published by Tarcher Books.Been a lifestyle influencer for 5 years, collaborating with 75+ brands across TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, and was named by the American Influencer Council as a Trailblazer in the microinfluencer category.This show is supported by Other Kind Media — otherkindmedia.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

ABOUT THIS EPISODEYour problem isn't that your life is a disaster. Your problem is that you have a pretty good situation, and you want a great one.Welcome to Week 1 of the Alignment Edit, where we're tackling personal systems — the foundation for everything else. Most of you are already killing it. You're smart, you're capable, and you're checking all the boxes. But you're stuck in what Gay Hendricks calls the "zone of excellence" — doing what you're good at instead of what you're meant for. You've got the curse of competence, and it's keeping you comfortable but not fulfilled.In this episode, Alexis breaks down why "good enough" is the real enemy, how to do an energy audit on your life, and the practical systems you need to clear out the mental clutter and make room for what you actually want. We're talking digital decluttering, building a second brain (yes, even if you think Notion is too hard), and creating routines that make your day feel as good as it possibly can.This is for the ambitious material girls who are ready to turn their B+ life into an A+. Let's get aligned.What You'll Learn:Why the enemy of great is good — and how "pretty good" keeps you stuckThe difference between operating in survival mode vs. contributing to greatnessHow to conduct an energy audit and identify what's draining youPractical steps to clear your digital space and refresh your brainHow to build a second brain (even if you're not a Notion girlie)Why the curse of competence is blocking your next levelThe ambitious material girl commandment: you work hard so you can enjoy your lifeEPISODE CHAPTERS[1:01] - Welcome to the Alignment Edit: why you're already killing it (but want more)[2:02] - The enemy of great is good — Melody Hobson on choosing greatness over "getting it done"[5:50] - Good vs. great: when things feel functional but not fulfilling[7:44] - The curse of competence and the zone of excellence[11:44] - How to do an energy audit on your life[17:29] - Personal systems 101: clearing your digital space[17:52] - Building a second brain (yes, even if Notion scares you)[19:09] - Wrapping up Week 1 + what's coming next in the Alignment EditWHERE TO FIND ALEXIS & TOO COLLECTIVEFollow along with Alexis:Instagram:@alexisbarber: https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarber/?hl=en@toocollective: https://www.instagram.com/toocollective/?hl=enSubstack:Too Smart For This Newsletter: https://toocollective.substack.com/TikTok:@alexisbarber_: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_YouTube:Subscribe here: http://www.youtube.com/@alexis_barberShop the Episode: https://shopmy.us/shop?Curator_id=250549Book Office Hours: Work with Alexis Here:https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22112790&appointmentType=79833937Get the Journal: Too Smart For This: A Guided Journal Here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761193/too-smart-for-this-by-alexis-barber/Questions, thoughts, or want to collaborate with Alexis or Too Collective? Email Alexis at alexis@alexisbarber.comABOUT TOO SMART FOR THISYou're ambitious. You're overwhelmed. And you're definitely too smart to keep sacrificing your well-being for someone else's definition of success.Too Smart For This is the show for ambitious material girls just like you who are learning how to channel their chaotic energy into a more intentional and fun life.Join your host, Alexis Barber (author, Wharton MBA, former Google/YouTube strategist, and certified ambitious material girl), every Monday for the frameworks, authentic conversations, and tangible tools you need to build a life that's both driven and deeply enjoyable. Because self-care is part of the business plan—and you're too smart to settle for anything less.Subscribe now and follow @alexisbarber and @toocollective for more.ABOUT YOUR HOSTHello, love!I'm an ambitious material girl obsessed with wellness, business, consumer culture, and the creator economy. I write from New York City, where I'm busy enjoying being young, gifted, and Black, oversharing online, and remembering that self-care is part of the business plan.My career TLDR:Bounced from Google Marketing to YouTube creator strategy before getting my MBA from The Wharton School at The University of Pennsylvania.Started and ran a premium bathrobe brand that collaborated with Rare Beauty & Bumble, and I'm the author of Too Smart for This: A Journal to Build Self-Trust and Stop Settling for Less Than You Deserve, published by Tarcher Books.Been a lifestyle influencer for 5 years, collaborating with 75+ brands across TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, and was named by the American Influencer Council as a Trailblazer in the microinfluencer category.This show is supported by Other Kind Media — otherkindmedia.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

ABOUT THIS EPISODEShe's so back, angels. After 186 episodes and a 10-month break, Alexis is returning to the mic for good, and we're all the better for it.After burning out hard and spending the last 10 months writing on Substack, Alexis learned some things. Actually, she learned a lot of things. About what it means to run toward something you want to enjoy versus running away from what scares you, about why agency determines everything, and about the core commandments that make ambitious material girls successful without sacrificing their sanity.In this episode, Alexis breaks down the Ambitious Material Girl Commandments that are shaping this next era of Too Smart For This. We're talking about never looking like your problems (and why that's about reminding yourself who you want to be, not vanity), the "isn't this fun?" commandment (because you work hard so you can actually enjoy your life), and why women need to stop apologizing for wanting more when we've literally always run the world.Plus, Alexis introduces the six weeks of refinement we all need — AKA The Alignment Edit — a six-week series designed to help you turn your "good enough" life into "great" with intentional ambition. This one's for the ambitious material girls rebuilding their foundations and refusing to settle for less than extraordinary.See you every Monday at 5am ET!What You'll Learn:Why "never look like your problems" is Alexis's #1 rule for ambitious livingThe real reason she took 10 months off from podcasting (and what she learned from her Substack era)How to shift from running away from your circumstances to running toward something you want to enjoyThe difference between agency and victimhood — and why this determines everythingWhy wanting material things doesn't make you shallow (and why Alexis stopped beating herself up about it)What's coming in the Alignment Edit series and how to follow alongEPISODE CHAPTERS[00:25] - Welcome back: 186 episodes, 10 months, and why I disappeared[03:00] - What I learned from my Substack era + the articles you need to read[16:44] - Never look like your problems: the #1 rule for ambitious women[21:55] - Running from vs. running toward: what really drives ambition[29:35] - Commandment: "Isn't this fun?" — you work hard so you can enjoy your life[32:05] - Agency is everything: how successful people think differently about problems[37:20] - Women have always run the world — it's time to stop apologizing for wanting more[39:17] - Introducing the Alignment Edit series + how to follow along on Substack, Apple Podcasts, Spotify & YouTubeWHERE TO FIND ALEXIS & TOO COLLECTIVEFollow along with Alexis:Instagram: @alexisbarber: https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarber/?hl=en@toocollective: https://www.instagram.com/toocollective/?hl=enSubstack: Too Smart For This Newsletter: https://toocollective.substack.com/TikTok: @alexisbarber_: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_YouTube: Subscribe here: http://www.youtube.com/@alexis_barberShop the Episode: https://shopmy.us/shop?Curator_id=250549Book Office Hours: Work with Alexis Here: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22112790&appointmentType=79833937Get the Journal: Too Smart For This: A Guided Journal Here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761193/too-smart-for-this-by-alexis-barber/Questions, thoughts, or want to collaborate with Alexis or Too Collective? Email Alexis at hello@alexisbarber.comABOUT TOO SMART FOR THISYou're ambitious. You're overwhelmed. And you're definitely too smart to keep sacrificing your well-being for someone else's definition of success.Too Smart For This is the show for ambitious material girls just like you who are learning how to channel their chaotic energy into a more intentional and fun life.Join your host, Alexis Barber (author, Wharton MBA, former Google/YouTube strategist, and certified ambitious material girl), every Monday for the frameworks, authentic conversations, and tangible tools you need to build a life that's both driven and deeply enjoyable. Because self-care is part of the business plan—and you're too smart to settle for anything less.Subscribe now and follow @alexisbarber and @toocollective for more.ABOUT YOUR HOSTHello, love!I'm an ambitious material girl obsessed with wellness, business, consumer culture, and the creator economy. I write from New York City, where I'm busy enjoying being young, gifted, and Black, oversharing online, and remembering that self-care is part of the business plan.My career TLDR:Bounced from Google Marketing to YouTube creator strategy before getting my MBA from The Wharton School at The University of Pennsylvania.Started and ran a premium bathrobe brand that collaborated with Rare Beauty & Bumble, and I'm the author of Too Smart for This: A Journal to Build Self-Trust and Stop Settling for Less Than You Deserve, published by Tarcher Books.Been a lifestyle influencer for 5 years, collaborating with 75+ brands across TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, and was named by the American Influencer Council as a Trailblazer in the microinfluencer category.This show is supported by Other Kind Media — otherkindmedia.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

According to my extremely hyperbolic mother, I was a “child genius” who taught myself to read when I was three.According to childhood developmental statistics, I highly doubt that this was true, but I do have proof that I listed “author” as my dream job in kindergarten. By second grade, I took great pride in my daily struts to the fifth-grade classroom to get new chapter books, sporting pigtails and purple wire glasses. Having devoured everything from The Hunger Games to Anna Karenina by my teenage years, I thankfully developed some handy critical thinking and storytelling skills undoubtably crucial to success in my life and career. But when I pull back the curtain on why I was constantly nose deep in a novel, the picture isn’t very pretty.I turned to books to avoid my chaotic childhood. Plenty of kids do this, regardless of their circumstances, but I immersed myself in books so I wouldn’t have to confront the difficulties of living in a 2 bedroom house with 7 other people in a dangerous St. Louis neighborhood. The librarian was always my best friend, and the characters in books like Magic Tree House, The Mysterious Benedict Society, and The Clique gave me a much-needed escape from the chaos I faced at home.As an adult, I left fiction behind for biographies and personal development books, searching for any skill or trick that would help me pull myself out of the environment I grew up in. Even today, in particularly overwhelming moments, my body’s autopilot navigates me to a library or bookstore, where I can scan titles for hours, looking for the answers to my problems.Five years ago, staring at a pile of self-help books I’d panic ordered during the pandemic, I felt a sharp knowing that none of them would solve my problems this time (not even The Secret!) I’d checked off the boxes and gotten into my dream college, sorority, clubs, and internships, and was heading to work at Google after graduating that upcoming June. But after an uncharacteristic outburst and a traumatic event amidst an unprecedented global pandemic, I internally rocked, and my psyche was begging me to go within.So, I picked up a journal. It was one of many I’d excitedly written in for three days and forgotten about in a failed attempt to be a consistent diarist. Luckily, that didn’t stop me, because I will never forget the day I sat cross-legged in my Evanston apartment and poured everything on the page. Even though I didn’t know where to start, I got really real. I questioned my family, career, friendships, and future. After suppressing my feelings for the sake of my external performance, it was the first time in 21 years that I honestly reconciled with my anxieties, frustrations, and fears.I finally (!) faced my reality.I’d spent my whole life avoiding the present and searching for how to feel fulfilled or happy through stories and self-help tips, but without going inward, I was blind to the beauty I’d actually created in my polished external world.Somehow, through the honesty in each word I wrote, the answers I’d been searching for started piecing themselves together. I found a strong sense of self and began making choices aligned with the values I identified in my long reflection sessions. I journaled consistently after that, often for hours, developing a dialogue with myself that helped me unlock the gratitude, confidence, and strength that are core to my essence now. Today, a drawer of black spiral journals in my living room holds the ins and outs of every emotion, relationship, decision, and setback I’ve navigated in my twenties.With unlimited access to information in today’s world, it’s overwhelming to decide who you are and what you care about. But you aren’t going to figure it out by mindlessly consuming and reacting to everything. When you’re confused, you have to go within.The secret weapon is within you, it’s just up to you to find it. The more you can be honest with yourself, the more you can harness and alchemize the beautiful insights around you to create a life aligned with the truest version of yourself.Today, the Too Smart For This journal is available for purchase everywhere. I wrote this over my first year at business school, crafting a journey that I wish the frazzled 21-year-old me would’ve had access to when she hit rock bottom five years ago.We start by uncovering your past and childhood beliefs before diving into the fun part: dreaming about your ideal future. But we don’t stop there: the journal devotes an entire section to creating a handbook for you: how you best rest, recover and relate to others. Then, we dig into frameworks for real life, helping you identify how you’ll piece through inevitable setbacks that come with being an ambitious person.In today’s episode, we dive into the importance of self-reflection amidst a difficult climate. I hope this inspires you not to be more numb to the injustices in the world but to get more in touch with yourself and transmit the magic within you into communities that need it now more than ever.You’re too smart to not know yourself (and love yourself!)xxAlexisGet the Too Smart For This Guided Journal here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761193/too-smart-for-this-by-alexis-barber/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

We’re diving deep into my goal setting process for 2025, which consists of 3 steps: Reflection, Excavation, and Dreaming. I jam packed this guide with all the tips and resources I’v gathered from a year of doing it all! I hope that by the end of it you have a clear idea of how you want to experience your year and have an action plan for goals that you feel connected to and inspired by.Get access to the full guide by preordering my book: Too Smart For This, A Journal to Build Self-Trust and Stop Settling for Less Than You DeserveSubmit your preorder receipt to receive the full guide hereLet's make 2025 different ✨ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

They say going to grad school in your 20s is a cop-out. Maybe it is: the shield of academic prestige has certainly been a comfort, but today I can say that the whirlwind of personal growth my master’s degree has prompted has left me with no choice but to surrender. Yeah, it’s that bad, but that’s (unfortunately for my nervous system, fortunately for the stories my home friends get to hear) ultimately, good.The year my frontal lobe developed I was in business school, surrounded by people largely my senior. I’ve met exactly 3 people younger than me and even then, only by weeks. I’ve faced friendship breakups, racial confrontations, career crises, an election and political unrest at a school and in a city central to massive political debates, and I entertained every type of toxic situationship you could imagine. I give thanks to God alone for getting me through this because, girl. Why???Ok, welllll….I guess I asked for it! Becoming single for the first time in the midst of jumping into a brand new social scene full of overachievers, confronting my biggest academic insecurity (that I was bad at math: NOW PROVEN FALSE!!!), and thinking I could run two businesses while I learned what business really was-ok like let’s be very serious-WAY too tall of an order, even for the delusional.The thing is, even though 25 was insane, I was comforted by the lessons from year 24, when I learned to stop settling and to say no to the things that weren’t serving me. In addition to ending my relationship, removed my birth control against the advice of my doctors, prompting a bodily transformation that has been critical to my mental and physical health. I left my (literally cannot express enough how great it was) amazing job at YouTube to pursue my own dreams and further my education.In each realm of my life, I saw what I needed, and I stopped pretending I didn’t need it. I don’t know why, but I guess the frustration with being under-satisfied was so great that it prompted my welcoming of the unknown. Could the labels and the “you should be grateful”s really be fulfillment? Could I survive without feeling disconnected to my body, unchallenged in my job, or unseen in a relationship? 25 was the year to answer those questions.Yes. I could. And I did.Professionally and socially, at least, I thrived. I got a book deal, worked with dream brands, grew my social following, and travelled to several countries. I flirted, partied, and failed almost hourly. It was an awe-inspiring year full of fabulous outfits (you already know) and utter social chaos (one day I’ll share the tea - it could be an HBO series so I might save it for that!) At 25 I lived. I really lived. I had successes. I made mistakes. I built a new bond with myself I didn’t know was possible. And I learned probably more than I ever have.And in today’s episode, I’m sharing what I learned into 7 key lessons. Real ones, you’ve probably heard a bunch of them on the show over the last few months, but today I’m really distilling it. I hope that by hearing me go through this, you’re either comforted that you aren’t alone, or somehow more prepared via perspective for when you encounter these battles on your own journey. It’s a process, and I’m just going through it with you.It was my birthday last Saturday, and I felt more grateful for life than I ever have. Nothing was perfect, except I could see the good in everything, even the bad. 26, for me, will be about feeling gratitude and fully recieving the love and abundance that’s all around. It’s sooooo easy to latch on to pessimism. And I’ve been there - until somewhere along the line (at 24) I saw that it wasn’t good enough, and I loved myself enough to want more.I love myself enough now to believe I deserve more. And today’s podcast dives into why.Preorder the Too Smart For This Journal: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761193/too-smart-for-this-by-alexis-barber/ Get custom embroidered robes for a perfect holiday gift: https://toocollective.com/collections/all/products/too-classic-robe Subscribe to the Too Smart For This Substack: https://alexisbarber.substack.com/ Shop Too Collective: https://toocollective.com/ Follow Too Collective on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/toocollecti... Follow Alexis on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarbe... Follow Alexis on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

As the eldest sister of eight, I pride myself on being a master gift-giver, and in this episode, I’m sharing my TOP picks and all-time favorites—perfect gifts for everyone on your list this holiday season!Preorder the Too Smart For This Journal hereBuy one get one 50% on all too collective robes until 12/7Get custom embroidered robes as a perfect holiday giftSkincare* Sulwhasoo Gentle Cleansing Oil Makeup Remover * Caudalie Vinoclean Instant Foaming Cleanser* Josie Maran Vanilla Bean Whipped Argan Oil Body Butter* Skinfix Barrier+ Niacinamide Activating Serum* Daily UV Defense Sunscreen by Innisfree* Summer Fridays Jet Lag Mask* Summer Fridays Jet Lag Deep Hydration Serum* Shea Moisture Body Wash* CurrentBody Skin LED Light Therapy Mask* Glow Recipe Watermelon Glow Niacinamide Dew DropsMakeup* Kosas Revealer Concealer* Kosas Cloud Set* Makeup Gift Set by DiorHaircare* Shark Hair Dryers* Cecred Reconstructing Treatment Mask* Amika Smooth Over Frizz-Fighting Treatment MaskClothing & Accessories* Lululemon Align Mini Flare Pants* Lululemon Cropped Define Jacket* Alo Yoga Straight Leg Sweatpant* Dolce Vita Sandals* Puma Speedcat OG Sneakers* En Route Jewelry* Caitlyn Minimalist JewelryHome* Harlem Candle Company* Forvr Mood Candles* Silk pillow* Be Rooted Deck of CardsBooks* How to Build a Fashion Icon by Law Roach* Africa's Fashion DiasporaTech* Beats Fit Pro Earbuds* ChatGPT* Claude* Poppy AIFollow Too Collective on InstagramFollow Alexis on InstagramFollow Alexis on TikTok This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

Listen, I’m not above a petty internet trend that allows you to bash your ex. I am (I think?) Gen Z after all!!!When I first saw the “women in male fields” TikToks, I immediately resonated and hopped on to make my own. Social media is nothing if not a reinforcement that none of us have ever had a unique experience ever, evidenced by my group chats exchanging countless versions of this trend with “NO LITERALLY” and “lmfao this is so you” over DM this week. If you haven’t seen them yourself, the trend includes women sharing things men have done to them in their perspective and captioning it #WomeninMaleFields. Some examples:I audibly cackled while making my way through the hashtag: if one toxic behavior hadn’t been done to me, it had been done to one of my girlfriends. As the trend grew and spread to Twitter, I stopped scrolling when I saw a comment: “if we really want men to start acting different, then we actually need to start giving them a taste of their own medicine.”Bam!!! An internet trend helped me integrate a lesson I’d been mulling over since a startup bootcamp session with two former Wharton bros running an almost $100M company. Picture the stereotypical founder nerd, akin to Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network: smart, often clad in Uniqlo basics, uninterested in appearances, spending their days Citibiking around NYC and coding late into the night.They candidly chronicled the background of their startup taking off: classic stories of grit, running out of money, products failing, faking it until they made it, and bold negotiation tactics with investors. Many of their stories were things I’d never do, especially since much of the time they’d had nothing but an idea to stand on.After the session, I caught the eye of the only other woman in the accelerator, and we shared an unspoken moment of disbelief. It wasn’t that these guys had done anything wrong—their business was undeniably smart and impactful—but it was impossible to ignore how much higher the standards were that we, as women, had been holding ourselves to.We’d been taught to put our heads down and work. We had to perfect our products before bringing them to market. We had to be kind, pay our dues, look perfect (of course), and have a stellar resume that undeniably includes working at the top firm in your industry. We wouldn’t dare approach an investor without a billion-dollar idea. We never would think to play hardball with investors or not have data to back up our decisions. When less than 3% of VC funding goes to women, it doesn’t feel like there’s a lot of room for imperfections, right?Of course, the standards we hold ourselves to are not unfounded. At Wharton’s end-of-year pitch competition last year, three of us were influencers pitching our startups. The other two were male food and travel influencers who got great feedback, but after my pitch for Too Collective (the only startup that already had any revenue, and 6 figures at that) the first question an investor asked me was “why not just be an influencer?” You guessed it: neither of the male influencers got that question. It makes sense that we over-index on being perfect - we are literally held to different standards.Looking back on the startup bootcamp session, it wasn’t hubris that triggered me, but rather these founders’ unfazed belief in themselves despite not really knowing what they were doing.The hard truth is that no one really knows what they’re doing—literally, no one. I certainly don’t! Yet the women we idolize are expected to “have it all together” and never let anyone down, while the men we look up to will break every rule and disregard others’ feelings to get what they want. (Just look at the presidential election, for crying out loud!) We feel like we have to know and do it all to get what we want. But no one actually knows it all, and the people (men!) who hold the wealth and power in this country aren’t letting not knowing hold them back.As we discussed last week, financial independence is key to protecting ourselves from exploitation. And if we want to thrive in a world largely designed by men, sometimes we have to play by their rules.In today’s episode, I dive into three lessons we can take from men to help us get what we want: asking for what we want, finding evidence that our dreams are possible, and believing in ourselves unapologetically. I challenge you to try out these small shifts in your own life—you might just surprise yourself and laugh at ever doubting your own power.xxAlexisPreorder the Too Smart For This Journal Get custom embroidered robes for a perfect holiday giftFollow Too Collective on Instagram: Follow me on InstagramFollow me on TikTok This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

Earlier this year I saw a TikTok from a girl talking about how she’s the first woman in her family ever to live alone. I’ve been the first in my family to do many things - go out of state for college, not have a child by age 25, or make six figures - but living alone wasn’t an accomplishment I prided myself in. I suddenly swelled with gratitude as I looked around at my girly apartment full of pink accents and treasures from my travels. The gravity had been lost on me.During the election, more of these opportunities I’d taken for granted came to light. It’s not that I didn’t know history (hello, literal Political Science degree), but I hadn’t contextualized it with my daily life. Reminded of the recency of women’s rights to vote, get credit cards, sign a lease, and even get birth control on their own, I thought of my grandmothers.Ruth, my white grandmother who raised me, and my godmother Lorraine, a Black family friend who she enlisted to ensure I had representation growing up, were both serendipitously born on the same day in 1953. Ruth went on to drop out of college to get married and raise five children, and of course she did - she wouldn’t have even been able to get a bank account on her own until she was 20. Lorraine was the first woman in her family who would be able to vote when she turned 18 - a right Black women weren’t granted until she was 12.These women raised me to love and believe in myself constantly, resulting in an optimistic confidence core to my identity. And if you’re lucky enough to know first-hand, there’s nothing stronger than a grandmother’s prayer. These ladies kneeled at their beds every night to ask God for my health, happiness, and success. But at the same time, they wanted me to be safe, and that meant getting married.Subliminally, overtly, consciously and unconsciously, women have been taught that security comes from a relationship and children (hello, Disney princesses.) The recent rise of TradWife culture, #SoftLife vlogs, and the prominence of picture-perfect Mormon mom bloggers on the zeitgeist has shifted young womens’ ideals back towards a “traditional” model, but the world around us has evolved.Today, 50% of marriages end in divorce. One in three women will experience domestic violence. With an economy that’s constantly changing, a climate that’s crumbling, and relying on a relationship to be your saving grace could leave you devastated. To be truly free, women must be economically and emotionally free.And it’s hard. We forget this is all new. Women have not had the opportunity to build our own futures for very long, so of course we are stressed out. Of course we’re holding on to outdated opinions on what we need to do to be happy. Of course we retreat to fantasy to make up for the fact that yes, we are alone in this, and we’ve never really seen how that plays out at scale. The world has shifted, and to quote a bretman rock tiktok, I’ve only been doing this for two fucking days!!!In my time at Wharton, I’ve watched the most amazing, intelligent women shrivel into emotional wrecks over mediocre men who can barely get themselves dressed in the morning (disclaimer: I’m talking about myself too, IYKYK) If I haven’t already said this enough - we are too smart to be doing that.This isn’t to say I plan to decenter men from my life - flirting is a lifestyle for me - but it’s to say that letting go of the idea of being “saved” or “chosen” is the best way to keep ourselves safe. It’s my mission with my content and this podcast to show you the realities of women opting into crafting fulfilling lives without having to dim their dreams.To be truly free as a woman today is to have your own life. When you make your own money and make your own happiness, no one can control you. Yes, it’s way WAY harder for us to do that given the discrimination in this country, but there are ways. And those ways are what we’re talking about in today’s episode.As I wrote this, I got a text from my mom, who I’ve barely updated all semester while I juggle my 2384238 responsibilities. We’re evolving. This is new for us. But we can do it. We’re evolving. Sending you a grandmother’s prayer.In the post-election landscape, I'm sharing tips on building emotional and financial autonomy so that you can't be controlled or manipulated by anyone. PHILLY: Join me for a candle making class with Cork & Candle. Select Nov 19 at 6pm here: https://tables.toasttab.com/restaurants/dfde9e56-62d5-4113-9c36-b6d8e579783d/findTimeResources mentioned:* The Psychology of Money* I Will Teach You To Be Rich* EllevestToo Collective:* Too Collective Website* Too Collective Affirmation Texts* Follow Too Collective on InstagramFollow Alexis on Social Media:* Instagram* TikTok* YouTube This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, we’re diving into “The Winter Arc,” a time for setting new goals, developing new habits, and building discipline for self-improvement before the New Year. 6:04 - 4 types of rests report11:06 - creating your winter character12:47 - time management15:00 - journaling17:06 - using ai as your personal assistant19:06 - redefine your relationship with social media22:00 - wellness tips and recs28:00 - leveling upNEW: get your Robe customized at toocollective.com/shopHope in a Jar Philosophy MoisturizerThen I Met You Rich Cream (get as gift with purchase with a robe)Supergoop Glow ScreenSummer Fridays Jet Lag MaskSkin Fix Collagen Plus SerumJosie Maran Body ButterNivea CreamJohnson & Johnson Baby GelLMNT Electrolytes - Mango Chili SaltAwola Water BottleBinto SupplementsSatori Laser This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

almost every episode of Too Smart For This returns to the theme of external validation. but today’s perspective shift helps us interrogate our goals so we can be less skeptical of them and more in tune with ourselves. if your current life missions are starting to feel a little less resonant, this episode will give you the tools to help clarify what really makes you tick.EPISODE NOTESQuote:"I have already settled it for myself so flattery and criticism go down the same drain and I am quite free" - Georgia O'KeeffePrevious episodes about perfectionism:- He broke up with me for being too much: - How to deal with people who try to make you feel small: LINKS:Reformation Low Rise JeansShop Too CollectivePreorder the Too Smart For This Guided Journal This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

when you’re being pulled in a million different directions, you need systems for managing life’s curveballs.in this episode, I dive into the frameworks I use to manage my time, energy, and emotions in the insane life I live! this was highly requested, so I hope you enjoy!Shop the Too Chill RobeFollow Too Collective on InstagramFollow Alexis on InstagramFollow Alexis on TikTok This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

Over the last 10 chaotic days since we’ve launched the Too Chill robe and had our first community event in NYC, there’s been little room for relaxation or reflection. Personal issues big and small bubble into my inbox hourly, leaving my head spinning from the good and bad.While my reality looks like overgrown nails, frozen Trader Joe’s meals, and staring at a (brand new because mine broke the day of our launch party 🙃) computer screen flush with asks from school and work, I still feel an inner sense of peace. This is shocking to me, Little Miss Frantic™️, who has won the award for Most Dramatic in multiple camp, school AND work settings.I shared in a few episodes back that adjusting back to the second year of my MBA hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would be, with new and old interpersonal dynamics threatening my carefully crafted routines. As I’ve actively stepped into the role of ~entrepreneur~ by joining the Wharton startup accelerator and worked on launching our third Too Collective product, new commitments and sacrifices have me meeting a new version of myself.And it’s uncomfortable. From learning to stand on business and not text an ex back to unexpected brand invoices or receiving difficult business feedback, I’ve been exercising my emotional regulation skills often, with one new insight being the secret weapon to staying afloat.Once the first few minutes of a setback have stung my soul and I might even feel some tears well up, two thoughts automatically sweep in to ease the pain: “everything happens to teach me something,” and “this is temporary.”The Everything Happens For A Reason self-soother has been a constant thanks to my grandmother’s constant repetition of the phrase, but I think I was always afraid to face the “this is temporary.” If everything is temporary, how would I feel stable?Ah ha! I’ve long tried to untangle where my perfectionism comes from and deduced it to some combination of trauma (duh) and my astrology, maybe(?). But it was only recently that I realized why I like the feeling of getting it right so much - it’s safe.I always wanted things to feel stable, but I erroneously extrapolated that that feeling would somehow be there forever if I got it right. The logic went: If I’m perfect, I’ll never have to deal with this uncomfortable emotion again, yay!!Bffr. Pain, sadness, disappointment, and envy are inevitable. Without them, we don’t get to feel pleasure, happiness, surprise, or contentment. These feelings - good and bad - are temporary, whereas the stability I was searching for in hoarding them is actually my own ability to face and conquer them.I think I’m really starting to get what they mean by “enjoy the journey.” Because things don’t have to be permanent to be perfect - or perfect at all, really.I hope this episode resonates with you. Love you longtime, and shop the latest Too Collective drop now.xxAlexisSubscribe to the Too Smart For This Substack: Shop Too Collective, use code PODCAST15 for 15% off: https://toocollective.com/Follow Too Collective on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/toocollecti...Follow Alexis on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarbe...Follow Alexis on TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

I’m the first woman in my family who has not had at least one child by my age.Yes, I’m only 25, but the culture I grew up in prioritized having a relationship and children above all else. When I decided to go to college out of state, move to New York City, start my own business, and even go to graduate school, I was the only person I knew who did anything of the sort. But every time I returned from the big city, the question would remain the same: “do you have a boyfriend?” It evolved when I got into a long-term relationship: “why don’t you get married? You need to have kids soon or you’ll be an old mom.”Questions about my education, business, or extensive travels were rare. While I thought I was above it because I was building my own life, I subconsciously was programmed to cling to a partner, plan for marriage, and stay with that person at all costs.There had never been any room to question what I wanted out of a relationship, I simply was focused on being in one. So in my first year being single since I was 17 years old, I was not only struggling to figure out how to text a man back (my least favorite activity BY FAR) or get dressed for a date, but I also grappled with defining my standards for a partner.When I’d dish to my girlfriends (and therapist) about my boy problems, one simple question kept taking the breath out of me:“Well, what do you want?”What do you MEAN? I get to decide what I want and what works for me out of a relationship? It sounds silly to say, but I didn’t know I had the power to choose that. I thought relationships were fated, and that once you had a connection with someone you would focus on giving it your all. Many women operate the same way: focusing on the title instead of deciding exactly what they need, want, and deserve, and sticking to it.Through a few Raya dates, way-too-long situationships, and a lot of experiencing what I didn’t want, I settled on what I did want, and thought I’d found someone who wanted to be that for me.But when he abruptly ended things because “my standards were too high,” instead of lowering them, I started to feel a sense of pride for believing in myself and my dreams above all else. Now, the standards are just getting higher.I hope this episode reminds you that you’re never too much for the right person. It’s one of my favorites ever.xx,AlexisWatch this Episode on YouTubeSubscribe to the Too Smart For This Substack: Shop Too CollectiveFollow Too Collective on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/toocollecti...Follow Alexis on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarbe...Follow Alexis on TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

Nothing soothes a Type-A girl’s spirit more than a plan.A calendar invite for your girls’ dinner? Iconic. An organized grocery list with the exact right amount of ingredients? Sign me up.Back-to-school planning has always been my favorite time of year. I was, in fact, that child After months of unstructured hot days filled with the expectation of “FUN! AT! ALL! COSTS!” it feels refreshing to return to productivity.Something in the air (literally - we got crisper mornings and it was also a Virgo New Moon) shifted after Labor Day, and it feels like a real fresh start. In the season of Beyonce’s birthday, I’m taking inspiration from her to focus in on how I want to spend the rest of 2024. In this episode, we’re talking reorganizing, mindset shifts, and some favorites for the season.whether you’re into fall or mourning the summer, I hope this episode gets you excited for whatever aspirations you’re working towards.avorite products mentioned:Acupuncture matEdiktedFall back to school fit (low rise jeans and cardigan)Nutraful (hair growth)Kaai bagSubscribe to the Too Smart For This Substack:Shop Too Collective:https://toocollective.com/Follow Too Collective on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/toocollecti...Follow Alexis on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarbe...Follow Alexis on TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, I share four practices that were crucial in helping me recover from a pretty intense burnout. Burnout is more common than we realize, and it often feels like laziness when, in reality, it runs much deeper. I hope this episode helps you regain control and gives you the momentum to move towards a more balanced, and feel-good life.Subscribe to the Too Smart For This Substack: https://alexisbarber.substack.com/TOO COLLECTIVE X THEN I MET YOU LABOR DAY SALEDid somebody say free product? You can now get a FREE full-size Then I Met You Rich Cream (worth $60!) with any purchase of a Too Collective product, while supplies last!And for Labor Day, we’re offering 25% off our celebrity-approved bathrobes. These will go fast, so get yours and be prepped for the crisp days ahead this fall. Subscribe to our email list to get the code in your inbox!Shop Too Collective here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe