Claim OwnershipChemstories – a podcast about PnP/chemsex (English-language edition)
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Description
Chemstories is a podcast series created by gay, bisexual, queer men, as well as trans and non-binary people who wish to share their experiences related to chemsex*.
For Chemstories, we worked for over a year with our editorial board made up of individuals with firsthand experience of chemsex. Three members even became hosts for group discussions in their respective cities—Toronto, Montreal, and Halifax—whom you will meet in the upcoming episodes. From the very beginning, it was essential that this podcast be truly by and for the community.
But Chemstories is more than a podcast — it’s the result of a collaborative investigation into the lived realities of chemsex. Together, we set out to explore one central question: "Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their stories in their own words?"
This question came directly from our editorial board. They saw it as vital — because too often, people with lived experience have been silenced, stigmatized, or spoken about rather than with. Through Chemstories, they take back that space — to speak for themselves, and to be heard. So thank you for listening.
The views expressed in this podcast reflect personal experiences and opinions. Chemstories addresses themes that may be sensitive for some listeners.
For a list of support resources, visit: https://qollab.ca/en/ressources-services-chemsex/
Visit our website: chemstories.ca and contact us at chemstory@espum.umontreal.ca
* “Chemsex” is a contraction of “chemical” and “sex.” It refers to the use of illicit drugs with the intention of having sex, primarily within GBTQ+ communities. It is also known as Party’n’Play (PnP).
Chemstory is a research project approved by the ethics committee of the Université de Montréal (CERSES-20-157-D). Chemstory is funded by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research. The testimonies shared in this podcast reflect individual experiences and personal opinions. Your own experiences and opinions may differ from those expressed here.
14 Episodes
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In this prelude to the Toronto series, Principal Investigator Olivier Ferlatte introduces host Bradley and a diverse group of guests—Brian, Jordan, Matthew, Reid, Christoph, Edwin, and Tyler. Together, they explore a central question: Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their own stories in their own words? The conversation highlights the power of unfiltered narratives to break down stigma, build community, and foster authentic connection, setting the stage for the deep dives to come.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.
Université de Montréal (School of Public Health): The academic home of the research project led by Olivier Ferlatte.
Investigator Olivier introduces Toronto host Bradley to unpack the complexities surrounding PnP/chemsex. Moving beyond medical or criminal definitions, they discuss the necessity of centering lived experience to challenge deep-seated stigmas. Bradley shares his personal journey and graduate research on "slam sex," reframing it as a site of community care rather than just risk. Together, they challenge the misconception that "chemsex is a stupid thing done by stupid people," exploring how storytelling can dismantle judgment and foster a nuanced understanding of connection.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Chemstories.ca:The central hub for the project and resources.
Toni Morrison: Cited by Bradley as an inspiration ("If you don't see yourself in what you're reading, write your own story").
Michel Foucault: Philosophically referenced regarding power and control.
In this second part of the YYZ Sagacity flight, Investigator Olivier and Bradley explore the specific nuances of Toronto’s party community. They discuss the city's unique activism, the politics of harm reduction, and the definition of community itself as the ultimate resource. Bradley reflects on the courage required to share personal stories in a stigmatized world, emphasizing how authentic narratives foster empathy and challenge the dominant "war on drugs" mindset.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.
Université de Montréal (School of Public Health): The academic home of the research project led by Olivier Ferlatte.
Toronto host Bradley introduces Brian, who is celebrating his one-year anniversary of sobriety from crystal meth. Their conversation explores the complex intersection of sex and addiction, the challenges of seeking help, and the vital role of community in recovery. Brian shares personal insights on finding balance and the importance of peer support. This episode offers a candid look at the resilience required to navigate life after PnP/chemsex.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.
CMA (Crystal Meth Anonymous): 12-step fellowship for recovery from crystal meth.
HQ (Toronto): Health and community centre for cis guys and trans folks into guys (Mentioned for their "Method" program).
Casey House: Specialty hospital in Toronto providing care for people living with HIV/AIDS.
GMCN: Gay Men's Coffee Night & Brunch in Toronto.
In this conclusion of the "Balance" flight, Toronto host Bradley resumes his conversation with Brian. The discussion centers on the grounding power of pets, revealing how Brian’s dog remained a vital link to humanity and a "non-negotiable boundary" during active use. Brian opens up about his personal approach to harm reduction—"divorcing Tina" while navigating other choices—and the necessity of radical honesty. The episode underscores the resilience required to "grow a new identity" and the life-saving impact of non-judgmental support.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.
HQ (Toronto): Health centre mentioned for their "Method" program and supportive staff.
CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health): Where a neighbor checked in after Brian’s honest conversation.
In this first leg of the "Insight" flight, Toronto host Bradley introduces Jordan to redefine chemsex not just as substance use, but as a distinct culture. They decode the community's shared language—like "Capital T" and "Mild 2 Wild"—and challenge the narrative that "sober sex" is inherently more authentic. Jordan shares his personal history of using substances to navigate social anxiety, offering a nuanced perspective on harm reduction that prioritizes research and trusted connections over abstinence. This episode invites listeners to look beyond stigma to understand the community’s multilayeredness.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.
The Velvet Rage: Book by Alan Downs, exploring the psychology of growing up gay in a straight world.
In this conclusion of the "Insight" flight, Toronto host Bradley and Jordan explore the vital "duty of care" within queer communities. Jordan shares how he found brotherhood in the party scene, often stepping in to support friends where state systems fail. They discuss the political dimensions of drug use, the distinction between fitting in and true belonging, and the professional challenge of resisting the "model drug user" trope. This episode reflects the courage to build kinship and define family on one's own terms.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.
The Velvet Rage: Book by Alan Downs, contextually referenced regarding shame and validation.
Toronto host Bradley introduces Matthew and Reid, two "experienced flyers" who defy typical labels. Matthew, a grad student researching prisoner poetry, shares his history of living "on the skip"—navigating homelessness while managing undiagnosed mental health struggles. Reid offers a contrasting perspective, discussing his entry into the scene in his late 50s and the distinction between isolated "partying" and connected "chemsex." The conversation explores the systemic failures pushing people into drug use, reframes addiction as a "super soldier" survival mode, and challenges listeners to see the human resilience beneath the stigma.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.
Park Cruising: What Happens When We Wander Off the Path: Book/research on cruising spots and laws in Toronto by Toronto lawyer Marcus McCann.
Michel Foucault: Referenced in relation to "necropolitics" and power dynamics.
Bosch's "Ship of Fools": A historical/philosophical reference used by Matthew to describe the displacement of marginalized people.
In this second chapter of the Wisdom flight, the discussion shifts to the collision between chemsex and the criminal justice system. Reid recounts a harrowing false accusation of unlawful confinement that led to a terrifying detainment and a "negotiation with the universe" to quit meth. Meanwhile, Matthew shares the stark reality of spending 383 days in prison following an HIV non-disclosure charge. The episode examines the lasting trauma of incarceration, offering a critique of a system that criminalizes mental health and HIV status rather than offering support.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.
HIV Legal Network: Contextually relevant regarding HIV non-disclosure laws (though not explicitly named in the snippet, it's the implied legal framework).
Legal Aid Ontario: Implied through the discussion of navigating the court system.
In this final leg of the Wisdom flight, Matthew and Reid challenge traditional labels, with Matthew rejecting the term "addict" and framing his past use as a closed chapter. Reid explores how the U=U revolution (Undetectable = Untransmittable) reshaped his belonging, moving him beyond the "poz-only" safety of online groups. The conversation candidly examines the difficulty of loving an active user while maintaining one's own stability, the trap of becoming a "provider of shelter," and a humorous, honest redefinition of being "fine."
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable): The global campaign and scientific consensus that people with HIV on effective treatment cannot pass it on sexually.
Prevention Access Campaign (PAC): Global non-profit organization dedicated to saving lives and ending the HIV epidemic by making Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U) a reality for all people living with HIV.
In this bonus leg of the Wisdom flight, the conversation turns to the "velvet mourning" of widowhood. Matthew discusses the tragic loss of his partner to an overdose, while Reid recounts the isolation of grieving a partner of nine years who had never come out to his family—resulting in the erasure of their relationship at the funeral. The discussion explores navigating cumulative grief, from the AIDS crisis to the present, and how they find spiritual grounding. They conclude by reflecting on the necessity of boundaries and why disconnecting from the "using" community was vital for their well-being.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
"George Street": To read the full text of Matthew's poem.
Toronto host Bradley welcomes Christoph, Edwin, and Tyler—who together boast a combined 122 years of lived experience with drugs. They unpack the local lexicon, debating the clinical term "chemsex" versus the community-preferred "party," and discuss the subtle ways ("the look") they recognize other community members. The group reflects on diverse origin stories—from liberating first experiences in the rave scene to using substances as a shield against trauma. The conversation challenges sensationalized narratives, exploring how drug use has served as a tool for profound shifts in perspective, sometimes making them kinder or more self-aware, while acknowledging the inherent risks.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
In this second segment of the Integrity flight, the conversation dives deep into the hierarchies and double standards within the party community—specifically the stigma surrounding "slamming" (injecting) versus smoking or snorting. Edwin introduces the concept of the "street nurse" or "admin"—a role he plays to ensure safety and aftercare for others—while the group debates the ethics of intervening when a fellow partier is struggling. They also tackle the internal work required to maintain integrity while using, discussing strategies like taking significant breaks to rediscover hobbies or refusing to keep supplies at home. Ultimately, the episode underscores that while drugs may be part of a history, they do not define a person's humanity.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
In this final leg of the Integrity flight, the group redefines stigma as active oppression that creates borders within the community. They discuss the vital necessity of friendships to combat isolation, highlighting the importance of a non-judgmental "voice of reason." The trio also explores the phenomenon of "G-mance," debating whether the intense affection felt while high is authentic or merely a chemical illusion. Ultimately, the episode underscores that despite complex boundaries, genuine care remains at the heart of their shared experience.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
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