Note to Herself

Nobody warns you that some of your hardest breakups won’t be romantic, they’ll be friendships.In this episode of Note to Herself, Kia and Krystel get honest about friendship breakups; the kind that don’t come with drama or betrayal, just distance, growth, and change.Losing friends as you get older doesn’t always look like a fight. It could look like unanswered calls that go longer and longer in between returns. Or outgrowing each other. Or realizing you no longer fit in spaces you once called home.In this conversation, we explore what it really means to navigate adult friendships (especially in your 30s and 40s) when your values shift, your boundaries get clearer, and your capacity for surface-level connection gets smaller.We talk about:✨ Why friendship breakups can feel just as painful as romantic ones✨ The grief of growing apart without closure✨ Letting go of people-pleasing and overextending in friendships✨ The difference between low maintenance and low intimacy✨ Why some friendships fade when you start doing the inner work✨ How to define what kind of friend you want to be—and receiveKia shares her journey from wanting to belong at any cost to building friendships rooted in reciprocity, depth, and emotional safety. Krystel reflects on boundaries, low-maintenance friendships, and the reality that not every friendship is meant to last forever.Sometimes the most honest thing you can say is: We didn’t fall out, we just simply grew apart. That comes with its own kind of grief.💌 Join Our Community If you'd like to watch this and other episodes, we invite you to subscribe to our YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@NotetoHerselfWant deeper reflection prompts and weekly intention-setting? Sign up for Noted, our free weekly newsletter: 👉 https://www.notetoherselfpodcast.com Follow, be social, and engage with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notetoherselfpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@notetoherselfpodcast Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/notetoherself__________________________________________________Special thanks to the talented collaborators who help bring Note to Herself to life:🎬 Production:R. Cadell Cook — House Cat CreativeDirecting, Filming, Audio & Post Productionhttps://housecatcreative.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rcadellcook/💐 Studio Set Design & Filming Location:Patricia Sterling — Sincerely PS Events and Designhttps://www.sincerelypseventsanddesign.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sincerelypseventsanddesign/💄 Makeup:Denyelle D. Beautyhttps://www.denyelledbeauty.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/denyelledbeauty/

Being a good mother, daughter, friend, or partner shouldn’t require disappearing from who you are and what you want from life.In Episode 4 of the Note to Herself podcast, Kia and Krystel get honest about something many women experience but rarely name: self-abandonment.This conversation explores what it looks like to slowly lose yourself in caregiving, expectations, and the pressure to be everything for everyone— and how to begin reclaiming who you are without guilt.From motherhood and co-parenting to relationships, routines, and even the small ways we ignore our own preferences, this episode unpacks how self-abandonment happens over time and, most importantly: what it takes to interrupt that pattern.They talk about:✨ Why mom guilt isn’t something you have to carry✨ The importance of boundaries in parenting, relationships, and everyday life✨ How women are often conditioned to over-function and over-give✨ The difference between doing things out of joy vs obligation✨ Why rest, stillness, and “doing nothing” are essential—not indulgent✨ How to recognize when you’re running from yourself instead of sitting with yourselfKia shares how reconnecting with what she actually likes (not what she’s been told to like) became a turning point. Krystel opens up about releasing mom guilt and redefining what it means to show up fully, without losing herself in the process.This episode is a reminder that:👏🏾 You don’t have to disappear to be loved.👏🏾 You don’t have to overextend to be valued.👏🏾 And you don’t have to abandon yourself to take care of everyone else.__________________________________________________💌 Join Our Community If you'd like to watch this and other episodes, we invite you to subscribe to our YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@NotetoHerselfWant deeper reflection prompts and weekly intention-setting? Sign up for Noted, our free weekly newsletter: 👉 https://www.notetoherselfpodcast.com Follow, be social, and engage with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notetoherselfpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@notetoherselfpodcast Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/notetoherself__________________________________________________Special thanks to the talented collaborators who help bring Note to Herself to life:🎬 Production:R. Cadell Cook — House Cat CreativeDirecting, Filming, Audio & Post Productionhttps://housecatcreative.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rcadellcook/💐 Studio Set Design & Filming Location:Patricia Sterling — Sincerely PS Events and Designhttps://www.sincerelypseventsanddesign.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sincerelypseventsanddesign/💄 Makeup:Denyelle D. Beautyhttps://www.denyelledbeauty.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/denyelledbeauty/

Is modern dating actually broken — or are we approaching it the wrong way?In Episode 3 of the Note to Herself podcast, Kia and Krystel unpack the chaos of modern dating, the viral coffee date debate, and the role that attachment styles, social media narratives, and unrealistic expectations play in how people date today.In this episode, we discuss:✨Modern dating culture and the pressure created by social media✨The viral coffee date debate and whether first dates need to be expensive✨The difference between standards and preferences in dating✨Emotional intelligence vs emotional maturity in relationships✨The influence of TikTok and online dating advice✨ Real-life dating stories and lessons learned from them✨The 80/20 rule in relationships and why small imperfections shouldn’t end connection✨Attachment styles in dating (anxious, avoidant, fearful, and secure)✨Why healing while dating is often necessary for growth✨How dating can increase self-awareness and clarity about what you actually wantWhat You Can Expect:After Krystel goes viral on TikTok for suggesting that a coffee date can actually be a good first date, the internet responds with accusations of “low standards,” sparking a deeper conversation about dating standards vs dating optics, what people actually want in relationships, and how social media is shaping dating expectations.Kia shares some unforgettable dating stories — including discovering that one date had spent 20 years in an unexpected place, another creating an uncomfortable face time session, and falling for someone who turned out to already have a wife. Through humor and reflection, the conversation turns toward the deeper question many people are facing:Is dating difficult because the pool is bad, or because so many people dating are still healing from past relationships?The episode also explores attachment theory, including anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, fearful avoidance, and secure attachment — and how understanding these patterns can change the way people approach relationships.Key Themes in the Conversation:Modern dating can feel overwhelming, but many of the frustrations people experience come from misaligned expectations, unresolved trauma, and social media-driven narratives about what relationships should look like.Dating itself isn’t the problem. Often, the challenge is that unhealed people are leading the conversation about relationships, and many people are following advice that reinforces fear, cynicism, or unrealistic standards.Instead, Kia and Krystel argue that dating can be an opportunity to build self-awareness, emotional maturity, and deeper clarity about the kind of partnership you actually want.Throughout the conversation, Kia and Krystel challenge some of the most common dating narratives circulating online, arguing that real connection often comes from shared values, emotional maturity, and curiosity, not performative standards or social media trends.About the Note to Herself Podcast:Note to Herself is a podcast for women over 40, exploring growth, relationships, identity, and becoming the version of yourself you no longer have to edit.Hosted by Kia McCallister-Young and Krystel Spell, the show explores the conversations many women are having privately — about healing, dating, friendship, personal evolution, and building a life that feels aligned.💌 Join Our Community If you'd like to watch this and other episodes, we invite you to subscribe to our YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@NotetoHerselfWant deeper reflection prompts and weekly intention-setting? Sign up for Noted, our free weekly newsletter: 👉 https://www.notetoherselfpodcast.com Follow, be social, and engage with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notetoherselfpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@notetoherselfpodcast Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/notetoherself__________________________________________________Special thanks to the talented collaborators who help bring Note to Herself to life:🎬 Production:R. Cadell Cook — House Cat CreativeDirecting, Filming, Audio & Post Productionhttps://housecatcreative.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rcadellcook/💐 Studio Set Design & Filming Location:Patricia Sterling — Sincerely PS Events and Designhttps://www.sincerelypseventsanddesign.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sincerelypseventsanddesign/💄 Makeup:Denyelle D. Beautyhttps://www.denyelledbeauty.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/denyelledbeauty/

Everyone online is talking about the “soft life.”But most of what we see is the aesthetic version—robes, candles, matcha lattes, and curated calm.In this episode of Note to Herself, Kia and Krystel talk about what a real soft life actually looks like in your 40s—and why it often costs more than people think.In our world, softness isn’t effortless, it’s intentional.We talk about what it takes to create a life that feels peaceful and sustainable in midlife, including setting boundaries, protecting your nervous system, prioritizing your health, and letting go of the idea that you have to carry everything alone.In this episode we discuss:✨ What the “soft life” trend gets wrong✨ Why peace and nervous system regulation matter more than aesthetics✨ GLP-1 medications, weight stigma, and women’s health✨ Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and perimenopause✨ Why wellness isn’t just a vibe—it’s real work✨ The boundaries that help protect your peace in midlifeWe also share our Hot Flash segment, our little luxuries of the week, and end with a powerful Note to Herself about choosing softness, slowing down, and no longer carrying everything alone.We believe the soft life is about finally doing what supports your life.Watch and Follow Note to Herself on YouTube and join us for honest conversations about identity, relationships, healing, and personal growth for women over 40.https://www.youtube.com/@NotetoHerselfJoin our newsletter Noted, a free weekly companion to the podcast. https://notetoherselfpodcast.com/__________________________________________________Special thanks to the talented collaborators who help bring Note to Herself to life:🎬 Production:R. Cadell Cook — House Cat CreativeDirecting, Filming, Audio & Post Productionhttps://housecatcreative.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rcadellcook/💐 Studio Set Design & Filming Location:Patricia Sterling — Sincerely PS Events and Designhttps://www.sincerelypseventsanddesign.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sincerelypseventsanddesign/💄 Makeup:Denyelle D. Beautyhttps://www.denyelledbeauty.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/denyelledbeauty/

Welcome to the very first episode of Note to Herself — the podcast for women 40+ who are done editing themselves.In Episode 1, “She’s In Her Grown Woman Bag,” hosts Kia and Krystel dive into identity, authenticity, midlife growth, and what it really means to stop over-explaining yourself.We’re talking about: ✨ The difference between finding yourself vs. truly knowing yourself✨ Why women in their 40s feel more settled✨ The exhaustion of constantly explaining and proving yourself✨ Getting married young and growing into different people✨ Success, visibility, and performing identity✨ Marriage, divorce, independence, and personal evolution✨ Religion, spirituality, and claiming your identity without apology✨ The “If I live to 80…” question that can change your life✨ People-pleasing, alignment vs. belonging, and self-awareness________________________________________________🎙 About Note to Herself Note to Herself is a podcast for women navigating life after 40 — identity shifts, relationships, healing, authenticity, self-awareness, and building a soft life that’s real (not performative).Hosted by longtime friends Kia McCallister-Young and Krystel Spell, each episode includes:🔥 Hot Flash (our hot takes)✨ Life’s Little Luxuries💬 The Conversation (real talk about life in your second act)📝 A Note to Herself (personal reflections and letters to our past selves) _______________________________________________💌 Join Our Community If you'd like to watch this and other episodes, we invite you to subscribe to our YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@NotetoHerselfWant deeper reflection prompts and weekly intention-setting? Sign up for Noted, our free weekly newsletter: 👉 https://www.notetoherselfpodcast.com Follow, be social, and engage with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notetoherselfpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@notetoherselfpodcast Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/notetoherself__________________________________________________Special thanks to the talented collaborators who help bring Note to Herself to life:🎬 Production:R. Cadell Cook — House Cat CreativeDirecting, Filming, Audio & Post Productionhttps://housecatcreative.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rcadellcook/💐 Studio Set Design & Filming Location:Patricia Sterling — Sincerely PS Events and Designhttps://www.sincerelypseventsanddesign.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sincerelypseventsanddesign/💄 Makeup:Denyelle D. Beautyhttps://www.denyelledbeauty.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/denyelledbeauty/

The Note to Herself Podcast is for women 40+ who are done editing themselves.Hosted by Kia McCallister-Young and Krystel Spell — two longtime friends in their forties — this podcast is an honest, unfiltered space for women navigating identity, relationships, and the reclamation of personal power.Each episode explores three things: who you are now, what you’re ready to release, and what you’re stepping into next.We’ve lived full lives, and we’re no longer interested in shrinking to make others comfortable.If you’ve been feeling this shift, you’re in the right place.Note to Herself is produced by R. Cadell Cook and the team at House Cat Creative.To watch each episode, subscribe to Note to Herself on YouTube: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@NotetoHerself💌 Sign up for Noted, our free weekly companion newsletter, at www.notetoherselfpodcast.com and join the community.Be social with us:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@notetoherselfpodcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notetoherselfpodcastFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/notetoherself