How To Have Sex

CONTENT WARNING: This episode discusses sexual assault, childhood abuse, coercion and trauma. Please listen with care.This is one of the most personal and emotional episodes we've ever recorded.After receiving requests from listeners, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes sit down for a difficult but important conversation about healing from sexual trauma.Both Jay-Jay and Mel share their own experiences of sexual assault. Jay-Jay opens up about being assaulted by a taxi driver, the devastating experience of going through three court trials, and the impact trauma can still have on her relationships and intimacy years later.There are tears, some unexpected emotions, and a lot of honest conversation.We explore why people freeze during an assault, how guilt and shame can affect survivors, why intimacy can feel difficult even in a loving relationship, and what healing might look like.Mel also shares practical advice on rebuilding trust, communicating boundaries, finding professional support and reconnecting with your body.And we tackle a big question: Do you have to forgive the person who hurt you in order to heal?This episode is for survivors, their partners, and anyone wanting to better understand the lasting effects of sexual trauma.You are not alone. And healing is possible.Please see the support resources below if this conversation brings up anything difficult for you.NEED HELP OR SUPPORT?If this episode brings up difficult feelings or experiences, please know you don't have to deal with them alone.Safe to Talk – NZ Sexual Harm HelplineFree, confidential support, available 24/7.Call: 0800 044 334Text: 4334Website: https://www.safetotalk.nzEmail: [email protected] to Talk can help connect you with specialist support services.Other professional support discussed in this episode:Trauma-informed psychologists and psychotherapistsQualified trauma counsellorsSomatic experiencing practitionersTrauma-informed sex and relationship coachesYour GP, who may be able to help you find appropriate servicesYou may also be eligible for funded therapy through ACC's Sensitive Claims Service. Find out more at https://www.findsupport.co.nzIf you're in immediate danger in New Zealand, call 111.ABOUT THE PODCASTHow to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.podFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEmail: [email protected] the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland – https://www.podlab.co.nzYOUR HOSTSJay-Jay Feeney – Broadcaster & Media PersonalityInstagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship CoachWebsite: https://www.melissavranjes.comInstagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body?Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feet, leather, role-play, secret fantasies… what on earth turns people on, and WHY?!This week on How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes dive into the fascinating world of kinks and fetishes. And trust us, things get interesting!Jay-Jay reveals the bizarre story of a man who asked her out on LinkedIn and then requested photos of her ANKLES. Another man offered her $100 for a video of her dirty feet. Yes, really.Meanwhile, Mel explains why people develop unusual turn-ons, the difference between a kink and a fetish, and how to introduce your secret desires to a partner without scaring them off.There's also a surprisingly moving story about a married couple navigating a very unexpected discovery, some hilarious confessions about Jay-Jay's old PVC pants, and plenty of moments where Mel leaves Jay-Jay completely speechless.Can your relationship survive if your partner's fantasy is your absolute nightmare? And is having a kink really as unusual as we think?This episode is funny, eye-opening, educational and completely judgment-free. Whether you're adventurous, curious or proudly vanilla, there's something here for you.Thanks to our sponsor Adult Toy Megastore! Visit adulttoymegastore.co.nz and use code TOY15 for 15% off.📚 Books & Resources MentionedKink: A Straight Girl's Investigation — Stephanie Clifford-SmithJay-Jay mentions this fascinating book by Australian journalist Stephanie Clifford-Smith, who explored the world of unusual fetishes by interviewing people about their experiences.FetLife — fetlife.comAn online community for adults interested in exploring BDSM, fetishes and alternative lifestyles. Mel mentions it as a place where people can connect with others who share similar interests.Mel's Sex SchoolWant to take what you're learning into the real world? Mel runs Sex School, an educational platform helping women explore pleasure, confidence, intimacy and relationships.Our episode: How To Dirty Talk (Without Dying of Embarrassment)We revisit some of the advice from this earlier episode, especially when discussing how to communicate desires and become more comfortable expressing yourself with a partner.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast Email: [email protected] Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Feel Sexy Again After Heartbreak 💔They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But is that actually good advice? Or are you just making a bad situation a whole lot messier?This week on How to Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes are getting personal about heartbreak, breakups and finding your confidence again.Mel reveals two VERY different ways she coped with heartbreak. One involved sober dancing in Bali and reconnecting with herself. The other? Let's just say there was a lot more partying involved!Meanwhile, Jay-Jay admits one breakup took her TWO YEARS to get over. And apparently, teenage Jay-Jay spent her evenings crying to Milli Vanilli. Tragic on several levels.We're asking all the important questions. Is breakup sex ever a good idea? Should you get a revenge body? Why do we torture ourselves checking our ex's Instagram? And how do you feel attractive again when someone has made you feel completely unwanted?There's plenty of laughter, some surprisingly emotional confessions and genuinely helpful advice on healing after a relationship ends, rebuilding self-esteem and rediscovering intimacy.Because getting your heart broken doesn't mean your sexy days are over.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast Email: [email protected] Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever looked at your bits and wondered, “Is that normal?”You're not alone! And this week, Jay-Jay and Mel are getting VERY personal.We're talking about the insecurities nobody likes admitting to, from the appearance of our intimate body parts to erectile dysfunction, breast size and body confidence.Jay-Jay has some questions about labia. Quite a few, actually. And when she compares them to the dangly bits on a chicken, Mel almost loses the plot.But there's a serious side to this conversation, too.Mel reveals how watching porn left her feeling ashamed of her own body for years, until a rather eye-opening experience with her girlfriends changed everything.Jay-Jay shares a personal story about dating a young man with erectile dysfunction, and Mel explains why erection difficulties don't necessarily mean a lack of attraction, or the end of a satisfying sex life.Plus, we're comparing boob jobs! Jay-Jay went smaller, Mel went bigger… then changed her mind.In this episode, we explore:Why intimate body parts come in all shapes, sizes and colours.How unrealistic expectations can damage body confidence.What causes erectile difficulties and how couples can navigate them together.The surprising connection between antidepressants and sexual wellbeing.Why feeling sexy isn't about having the 'perfect' body.Expect some genuinely useful relationship advice, a few vulnerable confessions and some spectacularly awkward questions.Because when it comes to our bodies, different doesn't mean wrong.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast Email: [email protected] Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can you ever REALLY forgive someone for cheating? And even if you do, can your relationship ever be the same again?This week, we're getting VERY personal. Mel reveals that an ex-boyfriend cheated on her for a year and a half. At one point, another woman left his bed just TEN MINUTES before Mel arrived. Then he turned up at her workplace with a fake name, carrying flowers and a $300 necklace to apologise.Mel kept the necklace. 😂Meanwhile, Jay-Jay admits she's both been cheated on AND done some cheating herself. We're not judging. Well, maybe a little.But beyond the jaw-dropping stories, we're tackling some big relationship questions.Why do people cheat, even when they love their partners?Are emotional affairs worse than physical ones?Can you rebuild trust after betrayal?How do you become intimate again when your partner has broken your heart?Is "once a cheater, always a cheater" actually true?Can a relationship become better after an affair?Mel shares practical advice for recovering from infidelity, understanding what went wrong, rebuilding emotional connection and deciding whether a relationship is worth saving.It's messy, honest, surprisingly funny and possibly one of our most revealing conversations yet.Sometimes the hardest part isn't forgiving someone else. It's learning to trust yourself again.ABOUT HOW TO HAVE SEXHow to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.podFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEmail: [email protected] the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland – https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTSJay-Jay Feeney – Media PersonalityInstagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship CoachWebsite: www.melissavranjes.comInstagram: @melissavranjesREADY TO TAKE THINGS FURTHER?Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School:https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.