To Stay, To Leave, To Know - A Podcast for Ambitious Women Considering Divorce

The answer to this question will depend on a couple of different aspects, as I've mentioned in some of the other episodes. ⚡️ There are certain scenarios in which things can be fixed, and you can reconnect and reenergise your relationship. ⚡️From my observations, marriages can be fixed when these things apply:✅ When you are BOTH interested and committed to address and fix what needs to be attended to. ✅ When you are BOTH willing to put intentional effort into maintaining the relationship, putting intentional effort into connecting and addressing your shadow partsThat's the trap in which most married couples with kids fall into. You get busy with parental responsibilities, and then the moments when you're supposed to reconnect as a couple are left to chance. ❤️ Marriage is like a delicate ecosystem that needs nurturing and intentional effort in order for it to thrive. 📌 The couples that manage to make it work are the ones who have not let parenthood take over their whole identities. Who have assured that they, as a couple, still spend solo time. 📌 This is when it can work: ✳️ When there is love, respect and deep trust for one another, when you can rely on each other. ✳️ When the trust hasn't been broken, or there are no major resentments that have been built up between you two. ✳️ When you both have similar expectations from the marriage, and your worldviews about it haven't changed drastically. ✳️ When your idea of what your husband should provide, what his role in the marriage should be or how the marriage should work aligns with his. ✳️ Or if they've changed, when you can come to an agreement that this new dynamic is what you want to have moving forward. 📌 If you want to make it work, here are some pointers and suggestions to try:✳️ You have to remember that this new stage and new era of your relationship will have a completely different energy, and I would NOT recommend you try to go back to the old vibes. You both have grown and matured; your energetic blueprint is completely different all these years and decades later.✳️ Talk with an open heart and also remember the good things and positive qualities that got you together and what made you fall in love with each other. ✳️ Discuss your values, your future vision, goals and dreams you have for your life and your marriage. What aspects of the relationship are now more important to you than they were before?✳️ Make clear plans on how you're going to address shadow parts and who needs to work on which part of their shadow. ✳️ Determine clear deadlines and boundaries for moving forward and how you're going to deal with the situations when you eventually fall back into old habits. The resentment will come up, and the frustrations will surface. ❓ How are you going to handle those situations when one of you falls back into an old habit and old way of dealing with things, so that you don't end up dealing with it in a dysfunctional way? 👉🏼 That's what I can help you with. Apply for a free exploration call here 👉🏼  ⁠https://bit.ly/form-call⁠ to see in which capacity I can support you and whether we are a good fit to work together. ***📌 In the next episode: When you're conflicted with different opinions👉🏼 Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide ⁠https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/⁠ (FREE)👉🏼 Website ⁠https://enathecoach.com/⁠✳️ Connect with me:YouTube ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/⁠Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/⁠TikTok ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach⁠Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/***DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A SOLICITOR IN YOUR AREA TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

When you’re considering your pros and cons, and thinking of leaving, there is usually that moment that comes to your mind, “but how he’s such a good dad to our kids”. ⚡️And while I think this is a contributing factor, it’s also important to take a few more things into consideration. It is similar to what I talked about in the episode of “Death of a marriage by a thousand cuts” when there are no major issues in the marriage. 📌 He does all the dad things. But at the same time, he doesn’t express his appreciation towards you. He doesn’t carve out time so that you can have the opportunity to do the things that fill you up. ❓ Is he a good dad if he is normalising to his kids that you, as a woman, should abandon your identity to take care of everyone else? If that kind of treatment is normalising to your kids to see you as a servant. What kind of message does that send to your daughters? And your sons? ❓ If he makes jokes about you, but they are secretly jabs at your expense… Is that a valuable lesson for your kids? Because it sends the message that it is ok to make fun of mum. It sends a message that it is ok to pretend that you are joking when making fun of the other person. ‼️ If he’s not doing these things, and he is truly a great dad, do you still want to continue with the marriage, taking other things into consideration?🔸 Is preserving your marriage for the sake of your kids of higher importance for you than your own fulfilment? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. Because that is a completely valid reason to want to stay, if this is one of your highest values. 🔸 If you choose to do so, and you both decide to keep going for the sake of the kids, even if it means that neither of you is feeling fulfilled… Does that serve your kids, you or your partner?🔸 Can you stay congruent in your business, if there is a big part of your life where you are not honouring yourself and what you need?To what extent will this kind of energy impact your business? ‼️ If there are certain elements of this podcast that resonate with you, but you have so many other things to take into consideration… And you need someone to help you see your blind spots, to make order of the dozens of different thoughts and perspectives. Apply for a free exploration call with me to see in which capacity I can support you. Let me coach and guide you: ✳️ To gain clarity and make a definitive decision, and finally move forward rather than running in loops✳️ To guide you to figure out what decision takes priority for you based on your values✳️ To soothe your nervous system when it gets overwhelmed with the unknown and uncomfortable choices👉🏼 Apply for a free exploration call here ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/form-call⁠⁠.***📌 In the next episode: Can we save our marriage?👉🏼 Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide ⁠⁠https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/⁠⁠ (FREE)👉🏼 Website ⁠⁠https://enathecoach.com/⁠⁠✳️ Connect with me:YouTube ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/⁠⁠Instagram ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/⁠⁠TikTok ⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach⁠⁠Facebook ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/⁠***DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A SOLICITOR IN YOUR AREA TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

⚡️ If you're listening to this podcast, I acknowledge that this is probably going to be difficult to listen to. But it is still important. Observe your thoughts and feelings, and write them down. Sit with it all. Give yourself the grace for any guilt or shame you might be feeling. 📌 This podcast is aimed at women seeking guidance, rather than to paint all men as bad guys. I know you might be asking, "Why are you not talking about women, and what they're doing wrong"? - I am... I take the time to keep everyone accountable and encourage all parties to seek therapy or coaching. 📌 For married men listening - please use this as an opportunity to actually hear your wife's concerns. Making a mistake doesn't make you a bad guy or erase all of your positives. Doing nothing about it and taking a passive approach does make you an irresponsible partner, though. 📌 If your wife is still considering, the clock is ticking, and you have little time to change things up. I lovingly invite you to reach out to me, so I can help you: - address any unproductive behaviours that are causing friction in the relationship, and - expand your vocabulary and communication skills, so you don't resort to isolation and avoidance when dealing with challenges. 📌 If your wife has decided already, honour it and give yourself time to process it all. Do not expect her to shoulder the emotional weight of dealing with your emotions too. Support yourself through the healing and be mindful of the support groups who are lead by people who haven't healed from their own hurt. Don't allow them to project their pain onto you. How to help yourself: Surround yourself with people who don't see themselves as powerless, but who take this opportunity to grow and learn. Build and expand your vocabulary so you can express yourself Build your tolerance to confrontation and tolerance for having uncomfortable conversationsLearn soothing techniques & healthy ways of expressing your emotions of frustration, anger, sadness...‼️ Important note for any men listening... You might find yourself targeted by algorithms and content from relationship or polarity coaches. ⚡️ If they only speak to your pain, they're not doing you any favours. 🔻 When they do that, they underestimate your potential for growth, your resilience and your power.🔻 When they insinuate that your motivation to act right or to do right by your partner in the relationship depends on her submission, the way she behaves or speaks to you, they are taking away your power. If you are making your growth conditional on external circumstances and the external behaviour of others - You are giving your power away to something or someone other than yourself. Instead, allow me to support you. When you work with me, I will: Coach you through the inner self-talk that makes you question your worthiness when you're challenged by othersHelp you build resilience to the feelings of discomfort and guide you to increase the sense of safety when faced with the "mistakes" you've made Coach you through the obstacles that make you want to isolate, stay quiet and run away from the conflicts and disagreementsApply for an exploration call here https://bit.ly/form-call***📌 In the next episode: "But he's such a good dad"‼️ Mental Resilience Coaching for men - https://enathecoach.com/mental-resilience-coaching/ ‼️👉🏼 Website https://enathecoach.com/✳️ Connect with me YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoachFacebook https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/- - - - - - - - - - - - DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A SOLICITOR IN YOUR AREA TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

⚡️ Some of the stuff that bothers you might not seem like a big thing to a lot of people, because on the outside, everything looks ok. Nobody would even suspect that there is anything wrong. He’s not a bad guy. ⚡️ But, he doesn’t see you. He doesn’t notice the small stuff. Some of the things that bother you probably look frivolous to everyone else. ⚡️ But you are fed up. Empty. Depleted. And you just want to be seen for who you are. You’ve worked on yourself. You’ve tried to change things on your part. You’ve communicated your needs and what you actually need emotionally from him. ⚡️ And yet nothing has been done about it. All these years. He promised he will change things, he will put in more effort and intention. But there is no lasting change. It always goes back to the same dynamics. And it feels like you’re being taken for granted. You’ve tried not caring about it. Because he does so many other things. ⚡️ But that kind of emotional neglect bothers you. No matter how much you try to gaslight yourself into thinking that it doesn’t matter. That it doesn’t bother you. You will even develop coping mechanisms to not disappoint yourself by keeping your expectations low. ❓ But how long are you going to deny to yourself that you want a caring, loving and intentional partner? Yes, love for yourself starts from within. It has to come from you. It is ALSO reasonable to want to receive love, attention and effort from your husband. There is a healthy dose of interdependence on each other, in our marriages, relationships, friendships… We are social creatures. We are not supposed to be filling our own cup. And when you ask yourself whether that is enough ground for divorce, I think you know the answer to that. You need to get honest with yourself about what your capacity to wait is, and whether you still want to continue even if everything changed overnight. 📌 If you’re afraid to make that decision, or can’t make up your mind, and you’re still going in circles about it - let me help you work through it. ✳️ So you can figure out why you’re afraid to make a definitive decision, what’s making you resistant to look at this without the rosy glasses on. ✳️ So I can guide you to work through that discomfort, to teach you how to soothe your nervous system through it. ✳️ So I can support you when your nervous system wants to back out on your decisions. 👉🏼 Apply for a free exploration call here ⁠https://bit.ly/form-call⁠.***📌 In the next episode: Disclaimers for any men listening👉🏼 Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide ⁠https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/⁠ (FREE)👉🏼 Website ⁠https://enathecoach.com/⁠✳️ Connect with me:YouTube ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/⁠Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/⁠TikTok ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach⁠Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/- - - - - - - - - - - - DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A SOLICITOR IN YOUR AREA TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

⚡️ In some situations, it IS you. Sometimes you're the "problem" in your marriage dynamics. The online world is full of opinions about what others are doing wrong in the relationship. Sometimes we lack the takes that tell us in which way we are contributing to the dysfunction. 📌 Sometimes a partner will bring up a concern and things he's not happy with, but you'll get defensive about it and get into the energy of "I'm the one who has done the inner work, so I don't think I am in the wrong". Your defensiveness might also come from a place of "if they're unhappy, that means I still have more work to do, and I don't want that". 📌 And then there are times when your understanding of the bigger picture and how he is contributing to his challenges will come out as dismissive to the way he is feeling, because you know it is not your responsibility to fix it. 🔻 You wash your hands of having to be the emotional support for your partner because you see it from a more healed perspective. ‼️ Yes, we are responsible for our emotions and our own healing. And no, it is not your responsibility to be a substitute therapist to your husband. But there is also a healthy dose of interdependence within relationships. It is normal for your partner to want to experience a certain level of emotional support. ⚡️ Acknowledging their pain and challenges doesn't mean you are feeding into their insecurities. A couple of things to consider and journal on: Do all of the disagreements end up with your self-assessment and conclusion on how your strengths and empowerment are causing his triggers, and he needs to work on himself more?Is his every concern and expression of a need met with dismissal and spiritual bypassing? Does it mean that just because he got triggered, it absolves you of the responsibility you have to be mindful about the way you speak to him?No, this doesn't mean you need to censor yourself or walk on eggshells, but to acknowledge the gap between the level of self-improvement and emotional literacy between you two. 📌 It is both of your responsibilities to bridge the gap in the level of emotional literacy, understanding and communication. And remember to be mindful of surrounding yourself with people who can call you out, who don't mind disagreeing with you, and who will notice when you're being avoidant. Because avoidance will display itself as spiritual superiority, and sneak its way into your self-coaching and self-reflection practices and steer you in the direction where you never take accountability. The solution is to discuss it with people who are not afraid to disagree with you, like a therapist or a coach. Unpaid accountability groups don't work because the desire to preserve the group is stronger than the desire to be impartial. ⚡️ Which is why I started doing this work. I offer one-off coaching sessions and long-term coaching programs... Where I listen to your concerns, hold you accountable, shed light on your shadows and guide you through the decision-making and taking the uncomfortable action. 👉🏼 Apply for an exploration call here 👉🏼 ⁠https://bit.ly/form-call⁠ to see in which capacity I can support you, and whether we are a good fit to work together. ***📌 In the next episode - Death of a marriage by a thousand cuts⚡️ Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide ⁠https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/⁠ (FREE)Website ⁠https://enathecoach.com/⁠✳️ Connect with me YouTube ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/⁠Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/⁠TikTok ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach⁠Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/

⚡️ This dynamic is not talked about enough, and I think there is a huge proportion of marriages that last a long time because the primary focus is the kids. But the couple gets lost in the busyness of life. Focusing on being good parents, but the function of the couple is not happening anymore. You lose sight of each other. Then kids grow up, and you realise you're strangers to each other. You grow apart. Women who have been doing their self-development work often grow at an exponentially faster rate than their partners. And then you look back at who you were when you got together, and you realise that you're a completely different person. 📌 Through the self-development work, you start decentering men, marriage and family as an ultimate form of fulfilment. And you start centering your own fulfilment that goes beyond that. So your partner struggles to adjust to this new you. And sometimes that gap in growth becomes too difficult to overcome. Because you spend years growing. But not together. 📌 You grow separately, in parallel, but not as a couple. You don't consolidate all these experiences as a couple. This "growing apart" sneaks in so easily, and a decade or two later, you find yourself being strangers to each other. ⚡️ There are certain ways you can make it work. 🔻 One is by abandoning all that growth you did and all the new desires, ambitions, and dreams for yourself. 🔻 The second one is by assessing how much you're able to work it out as a couple. Figuring out whether there are enough touch points between the two of you, whether your goals for the future still look the same and whether your values still align. ‼️ It will depend on whether your partner can accept you as the new you and is willing and able to work on himself to be the match to this new version of you. It's up to you to decide how long you can wait for that to happen. 📌 Your role is not to demand that they change, but to communicate what you need at this stage of life. 📌 It is your husband's responsibility to decide whether he wants to do it, to take matters into his own hands and do the necessary steps for that to happen. I can't tell you what to do; that is up to you. I personally would initiate that uncomfortable conversation and share how I envision our life moving forward, and then take it from there. If you are looking for support in making that decision and clarifying what your next steps are, regardless of the decision, apply for a free exploration call with me to see in which capacity I can support you. 👉🏼 Apply here https://bit.ly/form-call***📌 In the next episode - Can you make it as good parents, but a "bad" couple👉🏼 Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide ⁠https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/⁠ (FREE)👉🏼 Website ⁠https://enathecoach.com/⁠✳️ Connect with me:YouTube ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/⁠Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/⁠TikTok ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach⁠Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/

Do I get divorced or not? Should I stay? Should I leave? Do we try a little bit more? You went through all of the phases of this dilemma… Alone. Because most advice focuses on what to do once you’ve already made that decision. 📌 You thought you were the problem. And then worked on becoming a better communicator so as not to trigger his defensiveness.  📌 You considered couples therapy or counselling. 📌 You had moments when you thought you didn’t even know him, or yourself, as your identity shifted so much with the inner work you’ve done. ⚡️ You didn’t turn to your family because you didn’t want them to think you’ve already made the decision. ⚡️ Or your friends because they’d probably tell you to dump him. ⚡️ Most online programs you've gone through focus on business, but don’t leave much space to discuss personal challenges. ⚡️ The online space is full of extreme hot takes that don’t apply nuance and have much depth to them. "To Stay, To Leave, To Know Podcast" is here to provide clarity, commentary and nuance about your situation, and provide discernment to help you drown out the noise of online advice. As someone who had to make that decision, was stuck in the dilemma for over 4 years, and has coached other women through the same process - I know what it takes to make the decision and the emotions you are dealing with. I’m not going to be the one to tell you what to do. That decision is down to you. ✳️ My intention is that after you've listened to this podcast, you will be clearer on where you stand in your decision, whether to stay or get divorced. For you to make that decision from a place of peace and deep knowing that it is the right way forward. ✳️ And if there is any further confusion left, if you want someone to guide you through the decision-making and following through with the action, you can work with me to coach you through the challenges and hold the space for you. - Some of the scenarios will be similar to the dynamics with your parents and extended family, and friendships, and I have dedicated a few episodes to that, too. * This is not a resource to bash men and put all the “blame” on them. But a space to put a balanced view, and to be the guidance for women who are in a very specific situation and stage of their lives. 👉🏼 Apply for a free exploration call here https://bit.ly/form-call.👉🏼 Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/ (FREE)👉🏼 Website https://enathecoach.com/***In the next episode - Can you make it as good parents, but a "bad" couple✳️ Connect with me:YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoachFacebook https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/