Vile and Horrendous

Send your PSAs, What a World stories, and Who's the Pig letters to ⁠[email protected]⁠   Welcome back to Vile And Horrendous. It's the Halloween Spooktacular. Special set. Spooky season. We're dropping two days early, but we're close enough. PSA verdict: half right. A mom on the internet reminds us that trick-or-treating means sending your kids to strangers' doors to take whatever they're handed. Fair point. Then she tells us her kids aren't even allowed to eat candy, and she lost me. This holiday has come with a warning label since the 80s. My mom used to break apart every candy bar looking for pins. Nothing makes a mini Milky Way more appetizing than your mother's thumb mashing it into goop. Also: we have a spider now. His name is Keaton. He lives here. Then a shout to Rue Morgue magazine. Not sponsored. I just love it. This issue's cover is Zach Cregger's Resident Evil, and more power to him, but I counted. Since 1996: 47 games before I stopped counting, six Paul W.S. Anderson movies, animated films, TV series, 21 books, and stage plays. Stage plays. I am Resident Evil'd out. The DeView this week: Crystal Lake, Peacock, and A24's new Friday the 13th series. Spoilers ahead. They did the impossible and made a Friday the 13th show that barely has Jason in it. Again. Jason's a sweet little boy who loves camping, he drowns in episode one, he's the product of a secret experiment, and we finally get to meet his dad. Who asked for this? Maybe in season two we meet Nana and Papa. This show belongs at the bottom of the lake. Then something brand new: Story Time. I've written short dark fiction for years, some of it published by Fangoria and Penthouse, and I'm thinking about putting out a collection. Here's my latest, unpublished: Marion's Miraculous Mackerel Bone. Her husband is a cruel, 350-pound chili cheese dog addict who never chews his food. He wants mackerel for dinner. Take the bones out. Marion has other plans. We close with another debut: Throw It or Throat It. Three trick-or-treaters straight off the Dipshit List (a weed enthusiast, a dog parent, and a Madonna fan) bring me their favorite candy, and I decide if it gets thrown or throated. Mark the date. Happy Halloween! Vile & Horrendous Ep. 26 Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:28 - PSA: My Kids Aren't Allowed to Eat Candy 00:05:17 - Rue Morgue Shoutout and Way Too Much Resident Evil 00:12:32 - The DeView: Crystal Lake 00:24:49 - Story Time: Marion's Miraculous Mackerel Bone 00:34:29 - Throw It or Throat It: Halloween Candy 00:44:46 - Plug Those Dates Here's my other places: Tour dates: ⁠⁠https://www.joederosa.com/calendar⁠⁠ IG: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/joederosacomedy⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@joederosacomedian⁠⁠ All of the things: ⁠⁠https://www.joederosa.com/⁠⁠ YMH: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ymhstudios⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Send your PSAs, What a World stories, and Who's the Pig letters to [email protected]   SPONSORS: It's time to upgrade your nicotine pouch. Get 20% off your first order by using code VILE at https://lucy.co/ #ad Welcome back to Vile And Horrendous. Episode 25. A quarter of the way to a number that also means nothing. PSA verdict: good advice. Rare. “Tough times never last, only tough people last.” Doesn’t mean you can’t complain. It just means you have to tough your way through it. Before the main segment, McDonald’s Monopoly is back. It used to be a board and little sticker tabs on your food. Innocent, dumb fun. Now it’s a card in your bag that says download the app, opt in to rewards, register to play, scan your code, enter it, and register again for a bonus piece. You cannot play without surrendering your data. Nothing is innocent fun anymore. Then a word to comedians who piled on Shane Gillis after calling for solidarity over the Sirius XM situation two weeks ago. You can’t only believe in solidarity when it lines your own pockets.You’re Wrong this week: teams. There is no I in team — a phrase definitely invented by a sports asshole. Joe quit soccer at six and never looked back, and what followed was a lifetime of teams coming for him. The pattern is always the same: the team loves you when you produce for it. Occupy Wall Street blocked the storefronts of the exact people it was protesting for. The Salem witch trials happened 300 years ago when we already had the telescope and the submarine. When hell breaks loose, your neighbors will have your back. Not your party. Also debuting: The Dipshit List. Current roster: weed enthusiasts, Madonna fans, dog parents, and the newest inductees: Wolverine haters. We close with Whatta World, Kelly Clarkson tried to buy a singing bird in Brooklyn, got treated like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, and the store is now asking $15 million for it. Does this bird shit gold eggs or something? Enjoy! Vile & Horrendous Ep. 25 Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:01:56 - PSA: Tough Times Don't Last00:03:16 - Monopoly Is Back at McDonald's00:10:02 - You're Wrong: Solidarity Is a Scam00:13:55 - A Word From Our Sponsor00:15:36 - There's No I in Team00:20:02 - Us vs. Them00:27:24 - Introducing the Dipshit List Here's my other places: Tour dates: ⁠https://www.joederosa.com/calendar⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/joederosacomedy⁠ TikTok: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@joederosacomedian⁠ All of the things: ⁠https://www.joederosa.com/⁠ YMH: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/ymhstudios⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to Vile And Horrendous. Halloween is approaching and we’re going to do something special for it...details TBD. First though, we had some technical difficulties today and I have thoughts on that, because nothing we’ve been forced to depend on ever works properly. Isn’t that a coincidence. PSA verdict: bad advice. A guru in Smokey and the Bandit sunglasses tells you to do the bare minimum until your employer pays you what you’re worth. I understand the grievance. I reject the solution. Show up. Do the job nobody wants to do. These clichés are true. Also: I’m fairly certain this man is AI. From there, You’re Wrong and I have great news. People keep saying there’s no unity left in this country. They’re wrong. We are the most unified we have ever been. You know what’s binding us? Fear. Beautiful, blind, fully focused, all-consuming fear. We are seeking it out. We are truffle pigs rooting around for it. The news is stoking it. The banks are monetizing it. The car industry is selling it back to us with adaptive cruise control and facial recognition software. And Waymo would like you to know their self-driving car exists because everybody should get home safe, not because they want to replace your job and put you in a vehicle they can shut down by the push of a button. Totally different thing. Full safety does exist, by the way. It’s called China. I’ve been. Then More on Morons goes after dead phrases. “This ain’t it.” “Okay Boomer.” “At least you have your health.” And the current reigning champion of phrases that can go directly to hell: low key. These are all lazy conversation stoppers being used by people who don’t have a point and can’t form one. Say something real or say nothing. We close with two Pig Talk stories, a guy from Philly who has been opening his neighbors’ misdelivered packages and keeping whatever he wants, and Danny, who needs to know if he’s justified in being upset that his wife flashed her tits at a couple they socialize with regularly. The male pig is in to read. We get to the bottom of both. Vile & Horrendous Ep. 24 Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:02:54 - PSA: Quiet Quit King00:07:35 - Scammers Are Working Overtime00:11:06 - You're Wrong: Fear Is the Only Thing Uniting America00:21:48 - More on Morons: "This Ain't It"00:29:16 - Who's the Pig: Other People's Packages00:32:14 - Who's The Pig: My Wife Flashed Our Friend00:35:06 - PLUGS00:36:18 - White Wimenz Here's my other places: Tour dates: https://www.joederosa.com/calendar IG: https://www.instagram.com/joederosacomedy TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@joederosacomedian All of the things: https://www.joederosa.com/ YMH: https://www.instagram.com/ymhstudios Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: Shop now at https://Fabletics.com/VILE to get 70–80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take a quick style quiz and be sure to select VILE when prompted to unlock this offer. This is a limited-time offer, so don't wait Welcome back to Vile And Horrendous. We've got our first ever viewer-submitted PSA this week, and the verdict is...actually not bad advice. I allow people to push me to my limit about seven times a day and I'm still here, but the advice is technically sound. You get nothing in return for submitting it, but know that I appreciate you.Then we close out the dog chapter we opened last time. Hot takes came in defending the gourmet dog food content, so I want to be clear: I fed my own dog crockpot ground turkey and sweet potatoes. Affordable. Healthy. No baker's hat. No camera. Just a bowl on the floor. I did however look up the Vivi Pet Gourmet menu, and I need you to know that eight mini donuts for a dog costs $15. A dozen Dunkin' Donuts for a human costs $14. Sit with that.The DeView this week: the Wolverine PS5 game, which everyone on the internet is destroying. I bought it anyway. Here's my review: it's a game where you run through levels and cut people into bloody pieces with your claws. That's what it is. That's what I wanted. Six claws up. Also: my special is now on PlayStation for free. First ever comedy special on PS5. Not a huge brag. Celebrate me anyway.Then What A World, and we've got two. First: an app where you fill a cart, go through checkout, get a fake AI call from a driver who can't find your building, and there is no food. It never existed. You just got the dopamine hit of ordering it. One of my producers uses the app mid-segment and gets the call. The man who invented it also builds AI content for Instagram. We are done. Second: a woman who survived two botched lethal injection attempts. I have questions about how this is possible and a cheaper alternative proposal. What a time to be alive, folks! Vile & Horrendous Ep. 23 Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:08 - PSA: The First Viewer Submission 00:02:03 - The Dog People Vs Joe DeRosa 00:08:43 - DeView: Marvel's Wolverine 00:12:02 - A Word From Our Sponsor 00:13:52 - Back To The Video Games 00:19:13 - Whatta World: The App Where Your Food Never Comes 00:29:47 - Whatta World: Christa Pike Survived Her Own Execution 00:36:22 - Plugs 00:37:35 - White Wimenz Here's my other places: Tour dates: https://www.joederosa.com/calendar IG: https://www.instagram.com/joederosacomedy TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@joederosacomedian All of the things: https://www.joederosa.com/ YMH: https://www.instagram.com/ymhstudios Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Vile and Horrendous himself is back, and boy, is he heated...From an immediate attack on SunChips to a hanger-induced monologue on the pitfalls of modern institutions, everyone's getting a microscope up their derriere.After that, a PSA from a woman who blows all the other Golden Bachelorette's out of the water. Followed by another Amazon unboxing that tests the patience of everyone involved. Then, a Flight Log that features a hefty dose of Frontier and a dash of United.Finally, our resident Mail Pig delivers a letter from a listener facing an intimacy related issue. Which gives way to Smut Dog's attempt at offering advice* and a role play that broaches the scent-sitive subject. As always, we wrap with a glimpse of White Wimen on the brink.*For anyone interested and/or in need of products to eliminate any downstairs odors you or your lady may be plagued with, Smut Dog recommends: Cranberry + D-Mannose Supplements and Vaginal Probiotics. Vile & Horrendous Ep. 22 Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:01:45 - When It Rains, It Portals00:04:37 - PSA: Nana Could Get It00:09:29 - An Anarchic Unboxing00:17:26 - Flight Log: More Routes, Less Seats00:27:40 - Pig Talk: Seat Sniffers Anonymous00:32:42 - Joey Role Plays00:33:53 - With White Wimenz, We Leave You Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices