The High Achieving Woman with Ashleigh Mayfield

Part 3 of a four-part series on emotional intelligence. Parts 1 and 2 covered self-awareness and self-management - what is happening inside you. This episode turns outward to social awareness: the ability to read a room, to notice what other people are feeling, and to respond to what they actually need rather than what you assume they need.Ashleigh covers what social awareness is and is not, why recognizing someone's emotions is not the same as agreeing with them, and the signals of low social awareness - interrupting, dominating conversations, joking in sensitive moments, and defaulting to a victim mindset when you are the common denominator.She then gives three ways to develop it:1. Ask one question: "Do you want me to be your friend or do you need me to be your leader?" She walks through what each answer sounds like in business, tells the story of the team member who chose "leader" during a family crisis, and shows how the same question works with your kids.2. Put yourself in someone else's shoes and assume positive intent instead of negative intent - the speeding driver, the kid who blows up after school, the customer who does not message you back.3. Be fully present. Ninety-three percent of communication is non-verbal, and multitasking costs you all of it.Content note: this episode includes a story, shared with permission, about a friend whose teenage daughter attempted to take her own life. It runs from roughly 13:58 to 17:10.CHAPTERS00:00 Welcome back and the coaching call giveaway00:48 Start with Part 1 if you missed it01:18 Can you read the room?01:37 Why pattern recognition became my superpower01:59 What's happening in me vs. what's happening in you02:30 The friend who can't see me03:17 Social awareness is about you seeing other people03:40 The questions that test your social awareness04:24 Empathy, listening, and perspective-taking05:23 Recognizing emotions isn't the same as agreeing06:02 Get curious instead of assuming the worst06:29 Be what they need, not what you think they need06:55 The two versions of me07:52 The Mario hat from Target08:34 "I'm putting my red hat on now"09:19 Different people need different things10:38 The habits that signal low social awareness11:09 When you're the common denominator11:54 How to develop social awareness12:32 Tip 1: Friend or leader?13:58 A story I've told many times, with permission17:10 Don't assume you know what someone needs18:22 Tip 2: Put yourself in someone else's shoes18:55 Assume positive intent20:38 Tip 3: Be fully present21:14 The power of people watching21:48 You always have a choiceEnter the giveaway for a free 30-45 minute one-on-one coaching call: leave a five-star review, screenshot it, and tag @theashleighmayfield on Instagram or Facebook.

Social management is the fourth and final pillar of emotional intelligence, and it is the one that decides whether your relationships survive conflict. Social awareness is reading the room. Social management is knowing what to do in the room.In this episode Ashleigh Mayfield covers what poor social management looks like in practice: avoiding difficult conversations, exploding during conflict, passive aggression, holding grudges, people pleasing, and weak boundaries. She explains ice box anger, the habit of not reacting at all, and why small relationship problems become big relationship problems when nobody knows how to handle them early.She then gives three practical tools. First, how to take feedback well: pause, do not get defensive, and ask whether the person bringing it has good intentions. Second, why the sandwich method of feedback, positive then negative then positive, is a terrible leadership practice that makes every compliment you give sound disingenuous, and what to say instead. Third, asking permission before you vent, so that respect is built into the relationship on both ends.CHAPTERS00:00 Welcome and thank you00:56 Part four: what social management is01:38 Seven questions that expose your social management02:14 Reading the room vs. knowing what to do in it02:59 Don't shoot holes in your own boat03:19 Why we throw relationships away04:14 Ice box anger: the people who never react04:52 What poor social management looks like05:46 Learn to take feedback well07:06 Why the sandwich method is terrible09:28 Ask permission before you vent10:21 Vent up, not down11:03 ClosingTopics: emotional intelligence, social management, relationship management, conflict resolution, giving feedback, the sandwich method, boundaries, passive aggression, people pleasing, leadership communication.Leave a five star review, screenshot it, and tag @theashleighmayfield on Instagram or Facebook to enter the raffle for a one-on-one coaching call.

Part 2 of a four-part series on emotional intelligence. This episode covers self-management: the ability to control what you are feeling when you are feeling it.Self-management is not about ignoring your feelings or pretending they do not exist. It is about making sure your emotions do not negatively run or ruin your life. Ashleigh describes it as creating a pocket of space between what you feel and how you respond.Ashleigh tells the story of a 2018 company conference where her leader moved nine lanes down at a bowling alley event, leaving her at a lane with only her husband and one team member. She explains what she felt in that moment, why she chose not to leave, and how that single decision led to a twenty-minute conversation with the founder of her company. Thirteen months later her monthly income went from about $4,000 to $48,000 in one month.She also covers what poor self-management costs you in leadership, why people value a predictable leader, and what growing up in an unpredictable household taught her about walking on eggshells.The episode closes with three techniques for developing self-management:1. Change your location. Get up, leave the room, take a walk, breathe different air before you react.2. Box breathing. Inhale for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, tracing a box in your mind's eye to calm your nervous system.3. Sleep on it. You do not need to respond immediately. Wait a day, a few days, or a week before you address the situation.CHAPTERS00:00 Welcome back — and thank you for the reviews00:19 Leave a review, win a one-on-one coaching session00:55 Where we are in the four-part emotional intelligence series01:14 The one I was worst at01:34 Self-management is not about ignoring your feelings02:20 When one bad comment could ruin my entire day02:50 "I'm a serial quitter"03:58 Splitsville: the incentive I qualified for05:13 My leader moved nine lanes down06:01 "This is a moment that makes you feel inadequate, isn't it?"07:23 Fixing my face and asking strangers to bowl08:23 The leader who said "I'm gonna stay with you"08:48 The founder of the company walks in10:13 $4,000 a month to $48,000 in one month10:59 Self-management, defined12:28 The pocket of space between what you feel and what you do13:22 Growing up in an unpredictable household15:37 Tip 1: Change your location16:14 Tip 2: Box breathing18:02 Tip 3: Sleep on it19:32 It's a muscle you build every dayWrite a five-star review, screenshot it, and tag Ashleigh on Instagram or Facebook to be entered for a free one-on-one coaching session.Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theashleighmayfield/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theashleighmayfieldYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AshleighMayfieldThe High Achieving Woman with Ashleigh Mayfield. Over 10 years coaching high-achieving women in personal leadership, business, and the messy middle between the career you have and the calling you cannot shake.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and to understand and influence the emotions of other people. It breaks into four parts: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social management. This episode is part one of four, and it covers self-awareness.Ashleigh Mayfield defines self-awareness as the ability to see yourself accurately even when it isn't flattering, and makes the case that most people's biggest obstacle is not their circumstances, their past, or their boss — it's themselves. She tells the story of shutting down her husband Jason's ideas for years without listening, the day he told her she was a dream killer, and what she had to admit afterward: that she was projecting her own insecurities and calling it encouragement.She then covers three practical ways to build self-awareness: asking "why did that bother me?" instead of reacting, asking other people for honest feedback and not defending yourself when you get it, and journaling to find the pattern underneath a repeated emotional reaction.Also in this episode: why a low-EQ woman believes things happen to her while a high-EQ woman knows she controls her response, why people trust predictable leaders, what happened when Ashleigh sent 13 leaders a non-anonymous form asking them to critique her leadership, and why "I'm just being honest" is often just rude.CHAPTERS0:00 Hey, hey, everybody0:30 Win a free one-on-one coaching call1:16 Why a four-part series on emotional intelligence2:05 The hard truth: I was my own biggest problem3:40 What emotional intelligence actually means4:10 The four parts of emotional intelligence4:46 Low EQ vs. high EQ: who's really in control5:18 Four questions to gauge where you are6:00 What a lack of emotional intelligence costs you7:12 Why people trust a predictable leader7:54 So what is self-awareness?8:46 My husband Jason and the dreams I shut down9:29 "You're a dream killer"10:39 Your biggest problem is also your biggest solution11:38 Do other people's opinions pay your bills?13:04 You cannot lead what you cannot see15:09 Extreme ownership changed everything15:48 Habit 1: "Why did that bother me?"16:44 Habit 2: Ask for honest feedback17:28 What 13 leaders told me about my leadership18:40 Habit 3: Journal to find the pattern20:02 Self-awareness is a muscleMentioned in this episode: Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink.Leave a five-star review, screenshot it, and tag @theashleighmayfield to be entered to win a 30-45 minute one-on-one coaching call. Drawing at the end of the month.

How do you build confidence while you're still not confident? Listener Jessica asked, and Ashleigh Mayfield answers in this #AskAshleigh episode.Confidence isn't gifted — it's earned, one kept promise at a time. Ashleigh walks through seven practical shifts: borrow belief until you build your own, keep the promises you make to yourself, start before you're ready, act like your future self, collect evidence instead of emotions, get comfortable being uncomfortable, and stop comparing your beginning to someone else's middle. You don't become confident and then take action — you take action until confidence catches up.Chapters:0:00 — Intro: the #AskAshleigh question0:57 — No one feels confident before they start2:20 — Borrow belief until you build your own4:16 — Keep the promises you make to yourself6:13 — Start before you're ready6:52 — Act like your future self9:13 — Collect evidence, not emotions12:44 — Get comfortable being uncomfortable15:03 — Stop comparing your beginning to their middle17:40 — Confidence is earned, not giftedHave a question for a future #AskAshleigh? DM Ashleigh on Instagram or Facebook.