Discover"Don't Tell My Parents" with Allison Ochs & Serene Xefos
"Don't Tell My Parents" with Allison Ochs & Serene Xefos
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"Don't Tell My Parents" with Allison Ochs & Serene Xefos

Author: Allison Ochs & Serene Xefos

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There are things your child is doing online that they will never tell you. Not because they are bad kids. But because they are kids — navigating a digital world that moves faster than any conversation you have had the chance to have with them.


Don’t Tell My Parents! is the podcast that changes that.


Every week, online safety expert Allison Ochs and mother Serene Xefos sit down for the kind of honest, unfiltered conversation that most parents desperately need — but rarely know how to start. One brings the expertise. The other brings the experience of being a real parent in the thick of it. Together, they pull back the curtain on what children are actually doing, seeing, and feeling online — and what parents can do about it, starting today.


Allison Ochs is the founder of Edit Change Management, a published author, and one of the world’s most sought-after voices in online safety. She is also a social worker and pedagogist — a professional trained not just in education, but in child development, behaviour, and the deep social and emotional forces that shape how young people make decisions. For over a decade, she has travelled the world visiting schools, sitting with children and teenagers, and hearing the things they will never say at the dinner table. She knows what is happening behind the screens. And she is done staying quiet about it.


Serene Xefos is the voice every parent will recognise immediately — curious, concerned, sometimes unsettled, and always asking exactly the right questions. As a mother navigating these same challenges in real time, Serene brings the perspective that makes every episode feel less like a lecture and more like a conversation with someone who truly gets it.


Because the gap between what parents think is happening online and what is actually happening has never been wider. Children are encountering content, communities, and situations that most adults would struggle to process — and they are doing it alone, without the language or the framework to ask for help. Meanwhile, parents are searching for answers in a landscape that is overwhelming, fast-moving, and often deliberately confusing.


Don’t Tell My Parents! cuts through the noise. Each episode tackles the real issues — from screen time and sexting to AI, grooming, identity, and the invisible pressures of growing up in public — with honesty, warmth, and the kind of practical insight that actually translates into action at home.


This is not about fear. It is not about taking away devices or shutting down conversations before they start. It is about understanding. It is about giving parents the knowledge, the language, and the confidence to show up for their children in the moments that matter most.
Because the best thing standing between your child and the dangers of the internet is not a filter or a parental control. It is you — informed, present, and ready to have the conversation they did not know they needed.


Don’t Tell My Parents! — because some things are too important to keep secret.

7 Episodes
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On this week's Dear Teen, a teen told me that scrolling when she's stressed feels comforting, even though it doesn't actually make her feel better. So why do teens want to escape in the first place? Serene and I dig into what she shared: the difference between healthy and unhealthy coping, why numbing out with social media works a lot like other ways adults numb out, and why the algorithm, not your kid, is doing most of the pulling. We talk about how much time teens are really spending online, why their brains need real silence to figure out who they are, and what it means to grow up with so many voices, including AI influencers, telling you who to be. Plus simple things parents can do: model healthy coping out loud, keep phones away at the dinner table, sit on the couch and get curious about what your kid watches, and build low-key, phone-free time with other families. And yes, we talk about the fact that our kids say we're just as bad as they are.Don't Tell My Parents is the parent companion to Dear Teen and Dear Tween. Listen to all three to hear what your teens and tweens are really thinking.
In Part 1, Why It's Worth Waiting to Give Your Kid a Phone, we gave you the research. This week, real life put it to the test. Just days after recording, Serene's not-yet-eleven-year-old son came home frustrated and in tears after a neighborhood game of hide-and-seek where almost everyone had a phone but him. So what do you do when your child melts down over not having a smartphone? Allison walks Serene through it step by step: let them vent, validate what feels unfair, say one clear line about why the answer is still no, and then help them find their own solutions. (Serene's son came up with a brilliant one on his own.) Allison also shares a clever setup one mom used, so her child could join group chats from her phone, plus the caveats parents need to know. To finish, they tackle the three arguments every kid uses to ask for a phone: "All my friends have one," "I need it to be safe," and "I'm missing out," and exactly what to say back. Because delaying smartphones isn't just a family decision. It's a collective action problem, and we're all in this together.
Every year you delay a smartphone makes a difference. This week on Don't Tell My Parents, Allison Ochs and Serene Xefos start a two-part series on phones with the evidence.It begins with a 10-year-old from Dear Tween (Serene's own son) explaining why football after school is more fun when nobody has a phone. From there, Allison walks through the research, including the Sapien Labs global study of nearly 28,000 young adults and a Children's Hospital of Philadelphia study linking early smartphone ownership to depression, poor sleep, and obesity.They also cover the real difference between a smartphone and a dumb phone, the ground rules Allison uses with families, why she thinks no one under 15 should be texting, and what Serene found in her son's 50+ group chats.Next week in Part 2: what to say and do when your child tells you they're the only one without a phone.Also listen to Dear Tween and Dear Teen, wherever you get your podcasts.
85% of US teens play video games, and some boys are clocking up to 34 hours a week, more time than they spend in school. Allison and Serene break down why "just take away the console" doesn't work, and what does. The turning point comes from a teen who used to game heavily and stopped: "It's almost never about the game itself. It's friends, habit, and prestige." Real strategies for helping your kid step back, without the fight.
Did you know your teen might feel uglier after scrolling? Not because of one photo, but because of an entire online ecosystem built to make comparison feel normal, even healthy.In this episode, Allison and Serene break down the world of pro-eating-disorder content online, the influencers behind it, and the research on how algorithms are shaping the way today's teens see their bodies. They also talk about why this isn't just a girls' issue, and what parents can actually do to help.If you want to understand what your teen might be seeing online, and how to start a conversation about it without panic, this is for you. Our hope is that you will listen with your teen, maybe even on a commute and then follow that listen with a conversation. That conversation could make all the difference. Have a question or topic you want us to cover? Send it to us on Instagram @askdonttellmyparents or email us at [email protected]. We'd love to hear from you.
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