The Reclaimed Man

I sat through seminar after seminar where someone stood on stage and said, “You’ve got to find your calling.” Thenthey’d tell the story of the moment it all became clear. I read the books too. Eckhart Tolle. Byron Katie. The night everything changed. The morning on the floor. I’d pay a milliondollars for an aha moment like that. Mine hasn’t come. And I think waiting for it is why so many men can’t find their calling. No moment, no calling. No calling, no fuel. No fuel,and failure wins. Until one day he settles, and tells himself it feels okay. This is Part 3 of the Reclamation Triangle: Settled → Called. It closes the series. Not the how, the map. I talk about why settled is the one side that doesn’t feel like a problem, what a calling looks like when it doesn’t arrive ina moment, and why most men already know theirs. They just don’t trust it.What are you not hearing? This episode mentions suicidal depression. If you need support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For most of my career, neediness was quietly running my life. It took me a long time to see it. From the outside it looked like success. A busy practice. Twice voted Chiropractor of the Year. But underneath, I needed my patients to like me. I could take a stand for my whole profession, and still step back the moment I had to back myself. This is Part 2 of the Reclamation Triangle: Lost → Worthy. Not the how, the map. I talk about the masks a man wears for every room, the two words I said to a patient when the truth was sitting in my mouth, and what a man is really looking for when he can’t find himself. Some of the neediest men I’ve known were the most confident blokes in the room. The opposite of needy isn’t confidence. It’s worthy. Not because you earned it. Because it was always yours. Follow The Reclaimed Man for more honest conversations about being a man, a partner and a dad.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When I say every man should be dangerous, I don’t mean violent — I mean capable: force in you, and the control to choose what you do with it. The opposite of dangerous isn’t safe. It’s harmless. This is Part 1 of the Reclamation Triangle: Broken → Dangerous. Not the how — the map. Where you are, and where you’d like to be. I talk about what broken actually sounds like, and why it’s a place, not a life sentence. Then a fire, a vote of no confidence and a roundabout, and what each one taught me about force and the control to use it well. When something goes wrong, a man can go three ways. Cower. Explode. Or handle it. The force never left you. It’s been turned down, not taken out. Follow The Reclaimed Man for more honest conversations about being a man, a partner and a dad.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For thirty-five years, I was proud of being the bloke who never got angry. Then it started showing up in traffic, on the golf course, and while walking the dog. In this episode of The Reclaimed Man, I share how a childhood moment in my dad's shed shaped what I believed about anger—and what it cost me to keep burying it. Through the end of my first marriage, conversations in therapy, and the everyday pressures of fatherhood, I explore three things I wish I'd understood sooner: Why anger doesn't always look like anger—and why other emotions sometimes hide behind it. Why feeling angry doesn't make you a bad man, and how feeling it differs from acting on it. How anger can point towards a boundary you haven't set or a feeling you haven't acknowledged. If you've ever called yourself easy-going while quietly carrying resentment, or snapped over something small and wondered where it came from, this episode is for you. When the size of your reaction doesn't match the size of the thing, there may be something else asking for your attention. Follow The Reclaimed Man for more honest conversations about being a man, a partner and a dad.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I've realised I don't need to hit those numbers." There's nothing wrong with that sentence. That's the problem. A mate told me he'd learnt to be happy with where his business was. And he meant it. But he wasn't telling me his numbers — he was explaining them. He'd got so good at the explanation that he'd stopped hearing it as one. So this one isn't about the dream you lost. It's about the story you told yourself about why you never needed it. It happens in two stages. First you build a reason. Then the reason gets promoted — it stops being an explanation and becomes wisdom. And you can't argue with wisdom. Inside: the two questions that sort a man choosing from a man justifying. My own ceiling, the one I called specialism for twenty years. What I'd say to the man who went for it and missed. What have you been calling wisdom — that's actually just a ceiling?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.